CATALYSTLeading for Change

Wisconsin Annual ConferenceCabinet Catalyst Retreat

May 26-27, 2010

OPENING DEVOTIONS Prayer Romans 12

1. What words, phrases, or images jump out at you? 2. What do you believe are the key points/main

messages of this passage of scripture? 3. What instructions do you believe are of greatest

value to laity and clergy leadership from this passage of scripture?

 4. If you could turn just one concept from this passage

into a tangible gift and give it to the leaders of our congregations, what would it be?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAHYeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah

[x9]Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh........ (from the third yeah yeah yeah to the eighth)

If you could blow up the world With the flick of a switchWould you do it?(Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah)

YEAH, YEAH, YEAHIf you could make everybody poor

Just so you could be richWould you do it?(Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah)

If you could watch everybody work While you just lay on your backWould you do it?(Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah)

YEAH, YEAH, YEAHIf you could take all the love

Without giving any backWould you do it?(Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah)

And so we cannot know ourselvesOr what we'd really do

With all your powerWith all your powerWith all your powerWhat would you do?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

If you could make your own money And then give it to everybodyWould you do it?(No no no no, no no no no)

If you knew all the answers And could give to the massesWould you do it?(No no no no, no no no no)

YEAH, YEAH, YEAHAre you crazy?

It's a very dangerous thing to do Exactly what you wantBecause you cannot know yourself, Or what you'd really do

With all your powerWith all your powerWith all your powerWhat would you Do do do do, do do do do [x2]

POINT OF VIEWAbdicating

Hopeful

Antagonistic

Practical

Selfish

Cynical

Confused Cautious

Curious

Fearful

Supportive

Creative

DO THE MATH Start from disparity Process together End in unity

Think of a number between 1 and 10 Double It Add 10 Divide by 2 Subtract your original number How many of you got the number 5?

BUILDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Describe the person you love the most. Speak about a time when you

experienced true joy. What was the most meaningful gift you

were ever able to give? What pushes your buttons, gets your

goat, causes you to react rather than respond?

BUILDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS What is the leader’s role in setting context

and tone? How would our

meetings change if we began with focus on positives (e.g., Where have you experienced grace in the last week? Where have you offered grace to others?

4 DOMAINS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Are you a boiling frog?

Self-awareness

4 DOMAINS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

How well are you living the fruits of

the Spirit?

Self-management

Do you suffer from leadership blindness?

4 DOMAINS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Social Awareness

4 DOMAINS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Relationship Management

FRAMING & REFRAMING (NOT DEFAMING)

In the two film clips from Patch Adams : What did you see? What did you think? What did you feel?

Consider what influences might be at work “off-screen.” (“Who did it to you?”)

TRIANGLES (DE-TRIANGULATION)

Power Triangles

? TRIANGLE LAW: Any exchange

between two people is

NEVER just an exchange

between two people.

PARABLE OF THE RICH FOOLSomeone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me.” But he said to him, “Friend, who set me to be a judge or arbitrator over you?” And he said to them, “Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.” Then he told them a parable:

TRIANGLES (DE-TRIANGULATION)

Power Triangles

W.D.J.D.? (What Did Jesus Do?)• Identify the triangle –

man comes to Jesus (to deal with other brother).

• “Unhook” from the triangle – Jesus doesn’t allow himself to be sucked in.

• Use/establish position (“who made me a judge…?”)

• De-triangle –Jesus told them** (the crowd/the brothers?) make what is secret known.

• Reframe – Jesus warns against “all kinds of greed” (core issue).

• Defuses – offers a parable to the brothers/crowd as a way out of the triangle.

TRIANGLES (DE-TRIANGULATION)

Family

Values

Power

History

TRIANGLE LAW: We

NEVER deal with just

one triangle at

a time.

TRIANGLES (DE-TRIANGULATION)

It’s actually something more like this!

TRIANGLE ROLE PLAYS1. Going out to eat2. “The pastor is destroying our

church!”3. The great theological divide

What triangles can you identify? What suggestions do you have for de-

triangling? Where might reframing take place? How might the players “de-fuse” by

becoming aware of the triangles involved in their situation?

THE PROCESS OF BECOMING Separation from the drama of a

situation is essential to effective emotionally intelligent leadership In this scene from Dead Poet’s Society :

What makes separation difficult? What is the challenge for leaders?

MOVING FORWARD

At least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward...

I stand before, a road that will lead, Into the unknown. At least unknown to me. I want to go, but I'm paralyzed with fear. Fear of a choice, where the outcome isn't clear.

MOVING FORWARD

No, but still I go.

And I take, the first step of a million more. And I'll make mistakes I've never made before. But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward. at least I'm moving forward...

MOVING FORWARD

I wonder if, the journey will be, Short as I hope, or much longer than it seems. But either way, I've made up my mind. I'm through feeling scared, I'm leaving that behind.

MOVING FORWARD

So, Now it's time to go.

And I take, the first step of a million more. And I'll make mistakes I've never made before. But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward. at least I'm moving forward...

MOVING FORWARD

And in awhile I’ll be singing, Na, nana nana, na nana nana…

And I take, the first step of a million more. And I'll make mistakes I've never made before. But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward. at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward.

THE PROCESS OF BECOMING Separation from the drama of a

situation is essential to effective emotionally intelligent leadership In this scene from Dead Poet’s Society:

The process of finding one’s voice is painful, threatening, disconcerting, unsettling… and necessary. How can we break the power and influence of conformity to find our voice?

SELF-DIFFERENTIATION“The capacity of [an individual] to define . . . life goals and values apart from surrounding togetherness pressures, to say ‘I’ when others are demanding ‘you’ and ‘we.’ It includes the capacity to maintain a (relatively) non-anxious presence in the midst of anxious systems, to take maximum responsibility for one’s own destiny and emotional being. It can be measured somewhat by the breadth of one’s repertoire of responses when confronted with crisis. The concept should not be confused with autonomy or narcissism, however. Differentiation means the capacity to be an ‘I’ while remaining connected” (Generation to Generation, Edwin H. Friedman [NY: The Guilford Press, 1985] 27).

SELF-DIFFERENTIATION AND YOU The impact of environment,

life situations, and power issues

Dealing with conflict Entering and leaving Blame, boasting, or personal

responsibility? Vulnerability and leadership

SELF-DIFFERENTIATION AND JESUS What was it in Jesus’ character that

allowed him to respond with grace to all kinds of provocation? Self-awareness Staying connected and true to self Non-anxious presence Taking responsibility for emotional being Attending to the vertical and horizontal

dimentions of faith in community

SELF-DIFFERENTIATION AND JESUS Self-awareness

Mark 11:27-33

By What Authority . . . ?

SELF-DIFFERENTIATION AND JESUS Staying connected and true

to self – John 8:3-11

– Mark 12:13-17

SELF-DIFFERENTIATION AND JESUS Taking responsibility for emotional

being Luke 7:31-35

SELF-DIFFERENTIATION AND JESUS Non-anxious presence

Matthew 14:22-33

SELF-DIFFERENTIATION AND JESUS Attending to

vertical and horizontal aspects of being John 14:1-14

INDIVIDUAL ACTION LEARNING How does your ideal self—the self

God wants you to be—differ from your real self?

INDIVIDUAL ACTION LEARNING How do you want to be

remembered? What will be your legacy? Write your eulogy as you hope it will someday be written about you.

INDIVIDUAL ACTION LEARNING Review your notes. What insights

have you gained, what lessons have you learned about yourself and how you hope to live in the world? How does your eulogy compare with

Your real self The ideal self God wants you to be The self-differentiation of Jesus Your sense of social awareness and

relationship management

INDIVIDUAL LEARNING AGENDA What will you do to bring

attunement to your life? What will you do within 36 hours? How will you practice a goal in

your home, church, work, family life?

Who will you ask to help you stay accountable to your plan?

How will you know you are making progress?

WHEN “WE” TRANSCENDS “ME” Group Action Learning

“People underestimate their capacity for change. There is never a right time to do a difficult thing. A leader’s job is to help people have vision of their potential.” John Porter

What can we create together that is impossible on our own?

Where are we strongest together? Where are our “gaps?” What shared learning offers the greatest

transformative potential?

WHEN “WE” TRANSCENDS “ME” Group Action Learning

Study a resource together Get a

teacher/coach/mentor for the cabinet

Schedule a follow-up to this session for fall – 90 minutes to check in & review

Choose a social-networking medium and set up a dedicated “learning site.”

Plan

Act

Reflect

Evaluate

Identify

MENTORING PROCESS, MENTORING PEOPLE

The bedrock of relationships Supportive

communication Encouragement Validation Prayer Appreciative inquiry Accountability Presence

FROM DIVERSITY TO UNITY: BUILDING BRIDGES

Silent reflection – what significant learning or insights

Galatians 5:22-23 – What would fruitful congregations really look like?

Closing Prayer