This is for my loves

My first and longest love, Jesse

My truest and deepest love, Chloe

For my sweet loves

My dedicated loves

My lonely loves

And for the love that described me

As a master of love

and inspiration

My muse

I love you

I’m listening

May - June 2013

1

I live in the world that lies betweenLast night and the morning after

I know the windows darkAnd the bars quiet

I walk in the middle of these silent streetsUnchallenged by cars

Somewhere over there is a world that never sleeps

If I held residence thereI could go (right now) to a club where they are all dancing

Or eat greasy food on a ceramic plateOr just ride a bus around and see the lights go by

I could lie in my bedIn a constant glow

Hear the thrum of many people living

And dream of walking down the middleOf a silent street

2

I know that blanket is softThe one you’ve been wrapped in for a year or so

It’s comfortableYou know it’s holes and rips and

how to sleep so they don’t make you too coldI know, it’s soft too

Just so you knowIf you wake one night

And know that it’s too thinThat you’re ready

There is a new one readyOne made for you

Just the wayYou like it

3

I know where you goWhen you’re not here

I know about the faraway The long low bridge over the ravine

The one that filled with rainwater and last years leavesWhen the sky went grey for the year

I know about the inroads The ones with no signs

And slow names

I know where you goWhen you’re not here

4

Out round the last curl of roadDown the bank

And under the reaching trees

(wait not yet)

Above the sand littered with leaves and antsA blanket

And a pair of smiles

(wait not yet)

The sky whips past the cloudsThe bay sends wisps of sea smell

And the birds cry

(wait not yet)

Wholly kissYou

(Now

5

Old Mother rocks in her sitting chairAnd weaves the threads of time

Have I not shown you?

Look, here, between the eaves and the dropA shadowed hollow

And blind mouths wideDowny sticks and twine

The leaves are transformed into tendrils and talonsAgainst the dark sky

And lost lost shushes the wind

The archer aims an arrow Cross the sky

That world we made under veils of breathIt still spins

And I (one who lost time so long ago) still wake there Some dawns

There was a nestOn the roof

And tiny birdsYou showed me constellations And how the night trees move

Now there is roomFor something I can’t see

And the stars just stare

6

It comes hot and fast Molten gold just pouring out of fingers

spread too wide in ecstasy

This is the visceral root of all matterTiny swirling systems of light

There are not enough wordsEnough worlds

The world next door borrows a soul or twoNo one knows why

Time slips into itself folding in and under

Even a mountain is mostly emptyThis would be wonderland is mostly hype

There is only waterAnd a whispered wind beneath the floorboards

Hanged men cry out And the warriors turn away

When it comes It comes hot and fast

And no words can form but far cries rape the throat with fire

I am calling you hereNow

Your name has been inscribed in a bookwritten in my native tongue

And I can taste the last of my suffering on tomorrow’s dawn

7

I move like the slow wind in the deep grassMaking dreamy waves in my wakeAnd the dance has begun again

This is more than it ever was Before Spring’s fingers did their trick

My beloved moves tooIn large patterns that cannot be discerned by small eyes

He is the grass I move overHe is the deep path cut through the tangles

He is a body of holy waterWaiting to be drunk

I see slow moving smilesI want the taste of new berries

I whisper love I tease the length of youI sing the songs of solace

I strain up and out of my selfI focus in on an inch of skinI mind my breathing heart

This is not a concession stand at a second rate flea marketThis is not a dime store fedora

This is no handbill for last week’s show

This is the water breathing at lastThis is the moisture in the wind caressing a damp brow

This is a chance A choiceA reason

So I move like the slow wind in the deep grassTouching all the gold at once

8

The shadows of the leaves make fingers (stroking) on my wallWhere a silent photograph of some time and space

Sits quiet

I cannot speak just yet

I move about my head, a spacious palace with more corners within than without

I find the things that cannot waitI meter them time

Still the murmurs of the other place remain

Those travels last sleeping time were far and wide I saw you kiss the silence again

I know what you feel beneath the mask you madeI see you there

(where the trees grow into the banks of the deep deep river and the

sky is always purple)

Today perhaps I will be allowedTo see the way

One day A small girl came singing through the soft shadows of the east

I will sing

9

I want to curl up in youI want us to transform into some third thing

Beyond a you or a me

But that does not mean there are not countless fires at which I am welcome

That there are not open doors all the along the wayIt does not mean I will be

forlorn and loneliness wailing in the hills

I want your armsBut I need no more than what I have always had

This voice, this heart (welcoming in the light just doors thrown wide)

and a guitar were all my birthright I need only a pen

And the nights soft blindness(Seeing stars only stars now)

Waste what you willThe tangle is too deep for me to tell you which thread is the one

I want to curl up in youBuffer me from the desolate wind that

blows west from my heartTake me home

Just let me Sleep

I know I didn’t sing that song that made you smile last yearBut I spoke the eightfold path

I know I didn’t give you the secret gate out of the gardenBut I taught you how to scale

I know I didn’t say the things I could have to make you stayBut I am waiting still for your return

I know you’re as confused as I But I can’t fix this broken for you

It’s mine as much as yours

And the rhythm just won’t stopBa dum ba dum ba dum

I’m going to sleep if it kills meAnd the dreams can do their worst

Waking days and working nightsI’m only halfway here

I can predict the moths pathSlam yourself against my heart and dust me with your loss

I will still be a light

I am starting to see how you see me

I am just like you, thoughSmall and lost in the nightSeeking solace in a songWishing the wait away

The only differenceIs that I know what song it was

10

The huntress Rusted breath

The taste of the living killOn an all but forgotten tongue

Tense and readyCrouched, taut

The huntedUnaware

(Thisisgreenthisistasteofsafeandwarmthelightishereonthisgreen)Twitch of ear

A widening of eye

ThrumThe wish of the arrow is narrow; unimaginative and precise

For a moment nothing breathes

Death is a sudden victory for one, breath returning in a violent rush,

For the other a transfer From being

(seekingalwaysseeking) To meat

An absence of need then, for this pair, closer than lovers

11

I haven’t had my coffee yetSo speak sweetly

The night is still in my eyesSo be gentle

Light is still a challengeSo protect me

I will be a warrior for your causeJust let me get here

12

That’s the diminished key the hidden door The outer ways

And the would be warriorsScreaming war cries of

Hey Nani Nani HeyRight out loud

That’s the sound of yes and nowThat’s the singing of the high wires bringing the know to the in crowdThat’s the revolution of the wheel

Comin around again

13

I am the type of womanThat would judge a man by his virtue

And a woman by her mindSo don’t bother me with your sass and prattle

Tell me a storyAsk me a wish

Let us be uncomfortable togetherAbout yoursAbout mine

I am the type of womanThat would cry out in the night for want of rain

And carry pails all day to fill the wellSo please let the serenade begin

Once upon a Oh if I only

I read a book I thought you’d finishedAbout loveAbout life

14

The way has been cleared before youFrom now on your path is wide

You may choose any of the golden waysWalk not as though you were still hobbled

As though the way was difficult As though only one step could be seen at a time

Go forthHeart open wide

And dance across the wide open wayI’m dancing there too

15

I want an earnest manWho speaks cynically

I want an alpha femaleWho knows how to kneel

I want dualityRight here and now

I want a chameleon and a shape shifterI want the dramatic, understated

I want a silent tear and a screaming hard onI want perfect timing of recycled ideas

I want individualityRight here and now

The only sin that’s left is to be a boreI’m sorry to break it to you, but low self esteem has been done

You’ll have to leave that one at the curbIt’s far past time

For you to be

16

17

You were my favorite distractionAnd now I see

All the things I left undone

With renewed fireI attend to the tasks at hand and eye

I hold the hands that had grasped empty beforeI fix the tiny hurts before they fester

But eventually there is the time When no matter how busy I was

I would have made time to find youTo see if you were whole

To make you smileTo confirm your continued existence

Those timesI feel lost and small

Adrift

Then I sigh a plume of smokeAnd go off to my quiet bed

And sleep so well And dream

Of the restless nights When you distracted me the best

18

Well that boy we kicked out last summerIs down on Main Street

Doing the stations of the cross in dragAnd the lady with the implicating lipstick

Is hitting on the DJ’s dadIt’s a complicated situation

If you look too closeSo glaze your gaze accordingly

And have another shotWe’re all here for something

May it come as it should

Remember? Remember tomorrows When we made it?

When the little hurts we created Out of the confusion of yesterday just melted away

And all that was left was joy?

19

I know I didn’t sing that song that made you smile last yearBut I spoke the eightfold path

I know I didn’t give you the secret gate out of the gardenBut I taught you how to scale

I know I didn’t say the things I could have to make you stayBut I am waiting still for your return

I know you’re as confused as I But I can’t fix this broken for you

It’s mine as much as yours

And the rhythm just won’t stopBa dum ba dum ba dum

I’m going to sleep if it kills meAnd the dreams can do their worst

Waking days and working nightsI’m only halfway here

I can predict the moths pathSlam yourself against my heart and dust me with your loss

I will still be a light

I am starting to see how you see me

I am just like you, thoughSmall and lost in the nightSeeking solace in a songWishing the wait away

The only differenceIs that I know what song it was

20

Your eyes are small translucent stones polished by a silent sea

The sometimes night behind your gaze is a sudden brimless dark

That dares me to slip around and behindTo drag blind lips across the landscape of skin there

To taste the scent of you

Wake the fuck upBaby, c’mon it’s time

I been whispering atchaAll nice and slowFor so long now

Wake upThere’s shit to be doneThat only you can do

There’s songs to be sungAnd you wanna sing ‘em too

Wake the fuck upBaby it’s time

21

Way out herePast the in roads and the road signs

A night peppered with frog songWe took the turns and risks of the drive

To get to the other side of the ridgeWhere the city was only a glow

And we could pretend the moon was constantly rising

22

I hesitate to be presumptuousBut it seems to me

That instead of letting boredom reign(dinner parties martini drunk illicit affairs in the hallway)

You could use that knowledge you gained in between keggersTo change

Into something more fabulousI mean, wouldn’t that be delightful?

23

Take a standOutdraw the moon

Shoot that star downGive it to your lovePick the pages off

One by oneLoves me

Loves me notLet loose a war cry“Another round!”

Drink it downRemember your love

Let the pages fallLoves you

Loves you notBe

BreatheAnd light it

It’s time

24

Well I’ve been falling rather often And the whole town knows

I’m ethically immoralAnd the whole town knows

I’m singing what I’m feelingAnd the whole town knows

And I’m drinking in the eveningAnd the whole town knows

I’m staring at the sky againAnd the whole town knows

I’m falling for itAnd the whole town knows

I’m leading the chargeAnd the whole town knows

I’m saying what I mean nowAnd the whole town knows

I’m doing what I was made forAnd the whole town knows

25

I’m not a prophetYou’re telling me a story

With your hands, artfully openThe tilt of your shoulders

Your mouth pouting in between smilesDon’t worry, you have my approval

RelaxWe’re all barely breathing

So, please, let it be an open eyed gasp Instead of an oblivious apnea

26

This is self evidentYou do not dishonor your past

By finding a better wayWe do not abandon our family

By celebrating ourselvesWake up, my sweet sleepers

It’s timeThe dream is no longer a luxury of someday

It’s timeWake, and be

YouIt’s time

27

How high A rabble of butterflies

Flowing, fastAcross the sea

How lowSing down down down

And the far cry

How soonCreating the fullest now

That potential can spawn

How longTil the ends of foreverAnd the birth of hope

How farThe fullness of in-world

As a jungle blooms

How nearThe landscape of your skin

The taste of the corners of your eyes

28

Silent slips aroundThe one you love tells you a story

About the one they loveScreaming skin

A willing torture of wantThere is nothing new about this

Once upon a televisionA child had two parents

That were always marriedAnd had answers and pocket money

Any time you wanted itLuckily we had a remote

And that offense could be turned to a dull black

I’m only alive for a momentAnd I don’t want to hearAbout your reluctance

I wantYour screaming skin

Once upon a social serviceA touched woman asked for help

Endless lines of fevered babies and gunshotsIt’s just not a priorityOutward happiness

Pursue a fleeting want

I smell the last of the nightIn your screaming skinIt tastes like a moment

When even the sun cannot dictate timeLike tears wetting a chest

Matted with hair and forgiveness

29

Let me break it downIt ain’t about making it any more

It’s about doing it with heartIf you don’t mean it

Don’t botherThis market is saturated

The only ones that will make itAre the ones who care enough

The ones who can’t help itThe ones that would leave their loves

Quit their jobsAnd forget to call

Because they have toThey have to

That’s how I see itThat’s how it breaks down

When you can’t helpBut break down

30

Searching for something newI let it all in

Rappers slinging home grown shitFlavored vodka

Broken pavementOff brand cigarette butts

Eventually the night yielded a difficulty

Just walking home is a chore

My blue jeans are uniform enoughAt least they ain’t skinny

The railing trembled in fear of what I may sayYou ask for so much

You offer so little

What’s a pint?Where’s the hot spot?

Fine is the line

Naked (quite quiet) Don’t piss off the land lord

Let’s just pretend that we meant it to be this wayTrying not to let it go

So late (and)

Late For the dreams we scheduled for tonight.

31

It seemsFrom this particular view

That the darkness and its small hands grasping

Is only the first of many locales

So enjoy the time thereBut don’t get comfortable

You don’t need to buy furniture that matches the abyss

There’s no reason to fill out a change of address form

When you visit, say hello to my old friends for me(Just don’t mention that

I don’t miss them much these days)

32

Poets make terrible pets

Should you choose to bring one in out of the darkness

Magic may gather in the corners of your house, like spiderwebs,

catching breaths in its net releasing sighs at odd intervals

You may find flowers in your hair upon waking to a house empty of spirits

One should not feed a poet by hand, the danger of being grasped and forever changed is great

Most of all, prepare for the space they leave behind

Poets make terrible pets

33

Sparrow wings stutter a surpriseI wear this skin well these days

Some bright thing is on the horizonEnvy what you like

It’s all been bought and paid forStreets were built for strutting down

You can meander in a meadowHeel click here come the snares

My drummer knows all the signaturesHere’s the thing:

No one does that thing you do quite like you doBring me anotherI’ll see your call

It’s not losing when I get to see

14

Death casts a wide shadowBut it is only the shadow of an

open door with light just radiating from withinThis is not the end of the story

Fear should not be a guest at the dinner tableDrink deeply from this life

And, sated, know the next awaitsHold, but do not hold onLove, but do not yearn

An embrace is defined by the releasing of arms

35

There are faces everywhereWe look for them (make them) in everything

We seek a reflectionIn the world

Here is my prayer

May the faces you makeBe beautiful

Smiling softly with loving attentionMay the people you see in the clouds and the trees

Be friendlyKind compassionate and openTo the sweetest Self you know

May we then See these faces

In each other In the mirrors

I want that thenAmen

36

The stars are to blame, orPerhaps the wind in the night grass

Shushing through the chaffIt can’t be us

We only whispered love

The world is to blameOr perhaps a softly rounding mountain

Reaching across the wayIt can’t be us

We only tried to hold

The ocean is to blameOr perhaps a first dream of gasping triumph

Wishing across the shoreIt can’t be us

We only wetted lips

The sun is to blameOr perhaps a spiraling galaxy beyond

Spinning out like thoughtIt can’t be us

We are not burning

37

Above the cloudscapesOver the sea

(I remember flying)Beneath the lizard tree

Under the shadow of the stone(It’s so beautiful here)

And heat just bakes from within

Over the bayWaves like slaps

And oh sweet heaven how the salt tastes

I can only speak for my own heart

It singsOh it sings

And heat just bakes from within

38

The deep and present dirt of it allThe depth of ripped open wide

(and all the dreams just falling down and out)I see you

I feel it tooMay you sleep like there is no dissonant whisper in your ear

May you cry out loud and be heard by a heart that can hold yours

I’m hereI hear you

39

Way out farPast pity and despairIs a world for lying on

Won’t you come?

The beaten down and the broken openGot together for a time

And danced their skins to sweatAnd drank the sometimes wine

Way out farPast need and desireIs a sea for swimming

Won’t you come?

The cast off and the faint of heartWent sky diving one afternoon

Screaming earth-bound bags of bloodThe rushing green of soon

Way out farPast the was and wouldn’t

Is a sky for sighingWon’t you come?

4-0

Dreamscapes I have never travelled Embraces I only imagine

I am a thief of forever

I speak knowingly But I am ignorant

Of touchThese long days

But If that speech of something

Only imaginedMakes one lover turn to

AnotherAnd say

ThisThis is what I felt when your hair was a veil

This This describes the heat of your skin

Then who am I To beg for solace?

41

These are the songs for the lonelyThese are the bedtime stories for night creatures

These are the small fires lit against the rain and the sea sprayImpossibly small

Unimaginably bright

I cannot curl into myself because you are there

So I sing the broken tunesAnd I make my voice steady as I moan a once upon a time

And I defy the poorness of this climate with flameImpossibly small

Unimaginably bright

42

The space between heartbeatsThe intake of breath

Do not hurl into the night blindThis is not a test of your strength

The rapid tingling of skinThe eyes wide and blind

Do not hold backThis is not a dress rehearsal

The raggedness in the throatThe hair wet with sweat

Do not dismiss thisThis is not commonplace

Stay

43

So the stars disappearedAnd the world becameRedbrown liquid desert

Acrid cardamom scent of skin

Roots grew within stretching like yawnsThe world eyelid painted

A mingling of that which was yoursInto a swirling patchwork of One

A straining of want a blind desire to be beyondThe screaming silence

The tipping wish of waveAnd something that wasn’t explodes into stars

44

the unlimited potentialthat exists before the kiss

forever is only aliveuntil touch

solidifiesall moments

into

Now.

45

This is the death of foreverThis is the birth of a scar

ThisIs

The first kiss

And to know thisto be true

And to reach stillFor lips blind with mine

Is what the children knowIs little birds in the snow

ThisIs

The first kiss

46

In my dreamsI tell you all my secret truths

The ones I rarely look atThe rare true gems of me

I open that chestFor you to admire, run your fingers through

Their naked beauty

In my dreams, loveYou see me as I am

And you treasure meHold me

Like a petal soft butterfly wing

And I love what you seeMore

Because of your gentle gaze

47

Time is a liquidIt flows as it goes

I see all the water at once

(There is a fountain that flows into itself)

That tiny speck FloatingMatters

I refute the contemplation This is not insignificant

This here and now

(And oh the diamond bright galaxies)

The very atoms conspiredWith the All

Matter rearranged

To create the chanceFor our hearts to meet

With eyes that see

(And lips wet with the first dream to kiss)

48

I'm telling the same story

Aren't we all?

I just haven't found the wayYet

The right words

But isn't that a true calling?To spend forever trying to describe

The overwhelming loveI have

49

When it comesIt comes suddenly and all at once

The process, if there is one, goes unnoticed

There is only the rush of it The warmth of it

The ohgodnow of it

This has happened beforeBut never this good

This realThis oh wow

Is it meYou

Does it matterI would not stop it if I could

(And mind chatters about pain and loss)

All I see is the garden againAnd the gateway

The swirl of hair (universes)

And the roseAloneAnd

Allone

50

The angel lit a cigarette(She lit it with a smile)

And the secret knowledge made her dimplesExtra deep and wise

“So tell me,” she throaty whispered,“where the worldly go to eat.”

(the answer wasn’t half as heavy as the wind)

I fell down a deep deep well onceAnd an imagining of you lit a lonely soggy night

Legs crossedFood that was presented like fine art

High heels and ties Whispered conversation and perfect serviceNo one noticed that she was already dead

She had the perfect shoes

The ash at last was falling flameExtinguished before it began

“But,” stammered the warrior, “you don’t eat.”

“Never think you knowuntil you have died alone

Only to wake In your lovers arms.”

51

It’s far too late for me to be awake, let alone communicating. But I am.

I’m wide eyed and sweetly awake

And this song is crying for your voice

This time it’s too lateBut perfectly so

Like a solo that doesn’t start Until a measure into the break

Perfectly mistimed

I know you’re sleepingBut in my perfect world

We’re driving With the world just blurring by

And somewhere off in the near future

Is a warm plateAnd a private moment

(your arms are like silent)

I’m almost undone

52

I don’t Really, I don’t know

The party’s overAnd all the girls have gone home

The beer is goneAnd the lights are on

And I don’tI don’t know

It’s all the same In the end

We all go to bedAnd (heavy breathing) sleep

Until another sunrise

I don’t I really don’t know

What dreams are coming

But I knowI know

They will cry out

Those small hearts In the dark

They will cry outTo be held

Mine does

53

All of my lives are foreverAnd all of my loves are endless

I want to know you For ever and ever

We may not always see each others eyesOr kiss the way we do and did

But I want to greet youWith the same love and kindness

That I knewWhen we were at our most intimate

When we heldOur hearts so closeWe did not know Which was mine

And which was yours

54

Oh now it becomes seriousHere in a dirty back room

SuddenlyThere is no thought

There is no painI cannot breathe and my face and body say don’t worry

Be calmI cannot breathe

There is a blind yellowWhere my mind was

Now blackI cannot breathe

FallInG

Gasp smack voices now ahhhhhh!I am still

I amBreathing

And oh the sweet smell of it allAnd here comes the fear like a wave

I drownAnd then

I amBreathing

55

Slow play

One moment at a timeEach it's own whirling world

Br(Feeling wells up and over)

Ea(Thought tailspins into oblivion)

Th(Fingers stretch and reach)

IngTakes forever

Time is irrelevant

Slow play

Each fleck of Gold Drifts

In its own tiny whorl

Slow play

EternityIn an evening

Waiting

56

Circle round the sacred flame againAnd share breath

Smoke Rises

In rosesAnd leavesThe earth

The naked dream of nowIs alive within

Bare itShare it

This flame is aliveLet it burn

Burn

I want to bathe in your fire

57

You should have some fun, TomNow tonight

With the light dark And the water making small sounds

Oh the touch of small hands nights blindnessWhat you want is always nearWhat you need is right here

Hey what the hellWhy not?

And this vessel This cocoon

Is making The night glow

Your should have some fun, TomAnd you are

You are

And the night just flows like a lickOn a fret board of a cheap guitar

On a well lit stageJust then

Take me home

58

A smile in the dark sounds like a kiss Lips snick-slip over teeth

The sound Smiling And when I hear you smile

Over there in your radiating silence I know That my

(heart spilling over oh the warmth and vibrating beat beat beating of it all gasp)

Smile Is already being born

59

Do itNow do it again, better

HereNow

I’m interestedChallenge meMake me care

Give me a reasonMake it a good one

Do itNowDo it

AgainBetter

Much better

60

Once I was aloneThen I saw that only I made that true

So I let me goAnd was welcomed

61

Steal a night bloomed kissAnd call it a dark haired beauty of a night

What’s leftIs too far and wide

For these busted ass legs to wanderJust tell me this:

That choir of angels that’s been singing, (oh sweet love of mine)

Do you hear theYes?

62

I know you’re nearBecause my heart

OpensLike wings

Like crinoline wrapped candied orangeLike hands

And I (blushsmile) take a breath

63

The time has comeAnd oh (dancing shoes dancing) aren’t we ready?

With our eyes just openFrom the pale grey dust storm of the yesterday

Throw off those old waysAnd smile like mango juice spilling over

Lets dance

64

You,Whose heart I did not know I held

If you could hear meI would say

Small birds and lost love lettersDreams of desert and a wind in the rafters

Long and lonesome wailsI would ask

Only forgivenessMy heart is also yours

Do you not feel it opening (like Spring’s small fingers prying)

and welcoming inLove

Enough for us all

65

Catch this

A heartbreak in every eyeAnd a crack in every heart

Only the few and far make it at all

Hear this

Bom bom BahThat beat hits just so

And the shit that’s spitted is hot Roasted beast grease hot

See this

Twirling silk slipsScreaming blue blue wave

And ankle twist and toe tip tap tip

Now

Kiss this

66

Oh those boys The ones that have seen the insideThe short walks and the long days

The ones that know the ways to do the time

This little blue jay Came slowly

Crumbs on bars‘Just two little jail birds ain’t we?’

And that got put in a letterThat made absence seem better than it was

People who have always been up standingDon’t know as much about heaven

As those who have been lying in the gutter

67

You couldn’t really call this dark(Birds just twittering away)

But it sure ain’t light

I recounted the legend of you over illicit whiskey and trustAnd you were the hero in that story(The gold abruptly ending in cloud)

I listen only for your praise

These tears are not of lonelinessI am more than most at my worst

Follow me then, into the future falls

The sound of you playing for meEchoes through the years

And it sounds likeHope

68

Down the jagged coastSwoop up and out on these back ways

The gold just goes on for hoursThen the ocean suddenly And the smell of the salt

Is right hereEven though the sea is so far away

69

All those things I cannot say(when eyes graze so close that all I see is smell)

Come to me like small birds nesting at nightCrowding softly into me, murmuring their pre-dream sounds

Once upon a tomorrow’s promiseI just don’t know how to maintain sometimesThe meat, for god’s sake get to the meat of it

I can start a story so well…and I have been making up endings since I can remember

So somewhere in the mysterious middle Lies a land without lies

And when I find my wayI will say

I love youI love me more

I want youI want freedom more

I need your arms and eyes on meBut don’t look too close

Don’t hold too tightly

No, noThat’s not it

Wait, wait the birds are coming to nestAh

I love you

70

I wasn’t going to mention itThe slip of hair that teases your ear

It wasn’t relevantBut that band just didn’t do it

And I was feeling small and I needed something brightI didn’t mean to make it difficult

For you to lean in

71

Some girls singing about her feelings on the stereoAnd the fog clouds just can’t seem to stop

They’re moving so fastI’m slowing down again

There’s a couple of us like to go out to the edgeWait for the light to leave

Toasting our survival Cracking jokes and bottled beers

Before we crawl back into our cocoons for the night

72

a pack of papers and a fine tipped penI got a handle on the walk

its breaking and splintering and the lights shining throughthe only way down is out

there’s a brokedown bench growing out of the concreteit flowers every season or so

I find myself there some days watching the sun go downand the waves just come and go

73

So they cameSoft rubber soled blue jean dreams

Flannel framed family crests disguised as band namesThe tribes arrived

74

There’s a manHe lives in the great land of the east

Where all the gods of my youth once livedHe wrote a story

It was about a girl who lived in the wildsShe stumbled and strained through a life of want,

Small determined chin (etcetera)The critics

They gushed and praisedSuch gritty reality, still stuck in my teeth

My myIt was a good enough story

I’m sure he’s a good enough manBut

If you’re going to make a girl upDon’t leave her at homeThey like to be taken out

These girls that get stuck in your teeth

75

Sidestep Sipping champagne

Peppered shadeOh we are Open for Business

MomentumFeeling the groove

Moving with the moodDo you dance?

SometimesSometimes

Words words wordsYes

And step step spin

76

This time aroundI will navigate the circumstance

This timeWith grace

This time aroundI will understand the other side

This timeWith hope

This time aroundI will circumvent the desolate

This timeWith help

This time aroundI will throw the door open wide

This timeWith joy

77

The thief of tomorrowIs yesterday’s pain

The idea in your mindOf could be

Is not an excuse to ignore What you have

This kiss, nowIs on your lips

78

Hey you, you’re gonna make itYou got this

You’re the only one strong enough to bring yourself downThe only one strong enough to bring yourself up

Why not start today?Get out thereTake a walk

Hug someoneWe need you

Be kind to yourselfYou got this

And I freaking love you

79

Lightning soft flashing behind the low skyThere are other worlds than these

Travel beyond the touch of your level eyed gaze into them, thenI’ll see your hand

I am afraid to see you as you areBut I cannot help but love what I see

This timeThis time

So the far cryAnd the hard sleep

I am hungry for a taste I cannot recall

I will stand proudlyMy heart will not fail that great test

This time

80

There’s this windowUp and around the side

Where I can see everything

I can smell the band from hereFeel their rhythm and chords

A manager offers a cup to the lips of the main man

People say musicians can be needyWouldn’t you be in need if you drove yourself to such extremes?

I have, I can’t be the only one

81

Once upon the day after tomorrowWe found something good

Clean and easy to useAnd it’s on the top shelf right at eye level

And all the blasé just melted awayAnd we (interested at last)

Banded togetherAt the refilling stations

Discussing the possibilitiesAnd what dreams came

Of course

82

Come with meThrough the gateway in the tall tall hedge

ComeCome see the sky on fire

And the golden grasses aglowCome lie with me come my love

Come with meThere are worlds and skies and seas to travel

Come with me

I will show you

83

Well hot damnIf it ain’t just a day to remember

All uncertainAnd unbelievably hard to navigate

All amazingAnd perfectly in place

Hot damnWhat a day

Bet it’ll flow right intoA perfect good night

84

Thank you, all of youThe ones who read The ones who listenThe ones who speakThe ones who can’tThe ones that saveThe ones that fallThe ones that try

The ones that loveThank youI love you

You are all in my heart

85

Some pieces of infinity are fleeting(A kiss in the dark)

Others(Love)

a private always

86

Remember that story I told you last year?The one about the lost one

And the loveThe one about the fever drinks

And the hours before dawnThe one that ended in a sad song

Remember that story?

I've decided to rewrite it

Don't worryYou're all still in it

87

The angel in the combat boots Looked him over with a carnivores grin

(All drooling teeth and skin)

"I'm going all the way, you should come."

The prophet in the secondhand suitTook the last balloon to Mars

(And put on airs of I don't care)

"I'm going all the way, won't you come?"

The voice of all earthly reasonWas teasing the acrobatic smiles

(And somewhere past the looking glass is Mars)

"I'm going all the way, c'mon now hon."

88

Listen

Let me tell you somethingI see it

I know how it can beAll you have to do is take my hand

Trust meI won't promise it will be easy

But I do swear it will be worth itI will be there with you

And I will hold your heart in mineAnd oh, my love, the light

There is a small homeBright and table set

Flowered sillsAnd music being made there

An open doorFor the wandering strangers

And a bed for dreams

Listen

This bright future is calling

89

Once upon a timeTomorrow afternoonWe went out singing

And the world was in bloom

90

If this is the last time we are together like thisYou must know

It was viscerally electrifying(My heart expanded into a flush)

It was la fruta de mi alma

If this is the last timeYou must knowIt was enough

For this life, or the next

I would seek you out again, thoughTo smell the baking heat of your skin

As our hearts beat against each others’

And our arms

91

Who is that beside you?The one shrouded in mist and would

I see your companion there when I look ahead But when I look to the side there is only your earnest gaze

(Asking me how can this be)

Perhaps there is no one there

Perhaps on my other sideThere is a shadowy winged thing

Floating half hereThat you see

When you look ahead

But I wonderWho is that beside you?

92

Somewhere behind and betweenA song

Lyrical leavesAnd boughs of rock

Molten rhythmAnd melodies made of wind

When the weather of my heart is balmyI sing along

Sometimes when I dream (travel)That song is all there is

And it is difficultTo come back to to this watery room my soul inhabits

Waking (slow) is habitA wild horse that should not be broken

That wistful look about my eyes Is for that song

Someday I will onlySing

93

There is an island, in the river of songsi have built a small fire therewarm, and impossibly bright

the dark wet-eyed creatures that rustle the underbrushsniff and snarl

but leave me to fish

there are other fires but they are far off

the dark is my constant companion

some nights i only watch my slack lineothers i can barely keep my creel from spilling itself from fullness

pregnant with wet poetry not dead yet

no matter the catchi have to go there

there's something gets in the blood about fishing

94

The ocean

Is in me with me I move like the wavesThe tidal movement of my heart

Pulls in and out

Does the sea dream of a body in its watersDoes it crave that inside touch

I doI want you to submerge yourself in my heart

I want you to ride the endless wave of my love

Drink from the fountain That forever spills

That water

The ocean

95

There's something I'm trying to say(To my Self)

There's this idea That's forming

A push of words behind my eyesA pleasant pressure(Like a lover at last)

There's somethingI'm trying to say

Out loud

I don't think it really mattersIf I ever get it right

It's the telling of the tale that inspiresNot the ending(Happy or not)

96

Woke up in a dream, do you remember?You were there

And the moon rattled highIn its lavender sky

So you brushed my shoulders bare

Woke up in a dream, do you rememberYou were there

The stars rained downIn our secondhand town

So you wove them into my hair

You can sayThat you never really cared much

You can sayThat that was just then

But to say you don’t recallThe Honeyeater’s Ball

Well, darling, that would just be a sin

Woke up in a dreamDo you remember

You were thereAnd the cage of your heartbeat

Was cool to my cheekIn the crushing heat

Of you stare

97

When reflection is just rightIt's hard to tell Which is real

Which arm can I graspAnd which is only water and light

The molecular perfection Swirling around itself

Dances it dances

I want to show youWhat I see in you

I become the joy and lossI extend the hand I want to grasp

Full of water and light

What does itMatter

We can create something that never was

And then it happensThat once and future yesEverything is all at once

And it is all realAll water and light

98

And then it was different

It was suddenly clearAll the happenings past

All the heartbreak and painWas just training

For thisFor understanding how to love

When it mattered most

Without that painI would have never understood how to hold you now

Without lossI would never have been brave enough

To grasp this tightlyWhen you needed it too

And oh, oh the light

Bring on the trialsI will face them, fearlessI see the pattern now

(if only for a nanosecond)And I will not forget its proportionate perfection

One part yesand a part and a half (give

or take)of Now

And then it was different

99

For more

visit

www.theemmaleeproject.com

Thank you

Without you

There is only

words

in the darkness

You

make it light

100