brooklyn nine nine - 2x02 - chocolate milk.hdtv.lol.en

47
1 00:00:02,061 --> 00:00:03,428 <i>Okay, great.</i> 2 00:00:03,429 --> 00:00:05,897 I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks, doctor. 3 00:00:05,898 --> 00:00:08,967 Have<i> a good one.</i> 4 00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:10,268 Hey there, sarge. 5 00:00:10,269 --> 00:00:11,469 Not to pry but I couldn't help but overhear... 6 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,313 You're going to the doctor? Everything okay? 7 00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:18,235 I'm getting a vasectomy. 8 00:00:18,301 --> 00:00:21,822 My ears are burning. Did someone say "vasectomy?" 9 00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:24,115 <i>I got snipped. No big deal.</i> 10 00:00:24,116 --> 00:00:25,283 Just numbs you out from trunk to skunk 11 00:00:25,284 --> 00:00:26,284 for a year. 12 00:00:26,285 --> 00:00:27,285 It's not supposed to. 13 00:00:27,286 --> 00:00:28,578 "Trunk to skunk"?

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Page 1: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

1

00:00:02,061 --> 00:00:03,428

<i>Okay, great.</i>

2

00:00:03,429 --> 00:00:05,897

I'll see you tomorrow.

Thanks, doctor.

3

00:00:05,898 --> 00:00:08,967

Have<i> a good one.</i>

4

00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:10,268

Hey there, sarge.

5

00:00:10,269 --> 00:00:11,469

Not to pry but I couldn't

help but overhear...

6

00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,313

You're going to the doctor?

Everything okay?

7

00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:18,235

I'm getting

a vasectomy.

8

00:00:18,301 --> 00:00:21,822

My ears are burning.

Did someone say "vasectomy?"

9

00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:24,115

<i>I got snipped.

No big deal.</i>

10

00:00:24,116 --> 00:00:25,283

Just numbs you out

from trunk to skunk

11

00:00:25,284 --> 00:00:26,284

for a year.

12

00:00:26,285 --> 00:00:27,285

It's not supposed to.

13

00:00:27,286 --> 00:00:28,578

"Trunk to skunk"?

Page 2: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

14

00:00:28,587 --> 00:00:30,588

Hold it up.

15

00:00:30,589 --> 00:00:32,223

You're gonna let

some quack doctor

16

00:00:32,224 --> 00:00:33,691

just knife around down there?

17

00:00:33,692 --> 00:00:36,661

You are blessed

with a great power.

18

00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:39,264

And you should never

snip its wings.

19

00:00:39,265 --> 00:00:41,258

You should let it soar.

20

00:00:41,324 --> 00:00:44,369

Thanks guys, that's enough.

I don't need anymore input.

21

00:00:44,370 --> 00:00:46,346

Neither does your wife,

I guess.

22

00:00:46,412 --> 00:00:47,672

Look, you guys,

23

00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:49,340

if the sergeant wants

to chop off his penis,

24

00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,675

that is his choice.

25

00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,110

That's not what

a vasectomy is.

26

00:00:52,111 --> 00:00:53,344

Page 3: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

If you guys

don't get back to work,

27

00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,280

I'm gonna start

firing detectives.

28

00:00:55,281 --> 00:00:57,215

And blanks!

29

00:00:57,216 --> 00:00:58,817

Sorry.

I just never think of jokes.

30

00:00:58,883 --> 00:01:01,452

Anybody else?

This is your last chance.

31

00:01:01,453 --> 00:01:04,322

Oh, God.

No need to be so testes.

32

00:01:04,323 --> 00:01:06,691

Guess you won't be

manning the "tip line."

33

00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:09,093

Sergeant, is this gonna go

on your "sperm-anent record"?

34

00:01:10,269 --> 00:01:11,496

"Scrotal recall"!

35

00:01:11,497 --> 00:01:15,304

Sync & corrections by <font color="#00ff00">Rafael UPD</font>

<font color="#ffff00">www.addic7ed.com/</font>

36

00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:33,384

Hey sarge,

great news.

37

00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:36,621

I just got assigned

such a dope stabbing.

38

00:01:36,622 --> 00:01:38,189

Page 4: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

Sorry, the stabbing part

is bad.

39

00:01:38,190 --> 00:01:40,658

The guy survived

40

00:01:40,659 --> 00:01:42,611

and he owns

a chocolate milk restaurant.

41

00:01:42,628 --> 00:01:44,629

Seriously?

I know, right?

42

00:01:44,630 --> 00:01:45,630

Finally, a dumb

Brooklyn hipster trend

43

00:01:45,631 --> 00:01:47,498

my mouth

and I can get behind.

44

00:01:47,499 --> 00:01:48,499

Wanna hop

on the case with me?

45

00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:49,834

We're a killer team.

46

00:01:49,835 --> 00:01:50,969

Jeffords and Peralta.

47

00:01:50,970 --> 00:01:52,070

Jake and Terry.

48

00:01:52,071 --> 00:01:53,246

Chocolate and milk.

49

00:01:53,312 --> 00:01:55,440

I mean,

I'm the chocolate

50

00:01:55,441 --> 00:01:57,175

and you're the milk 'cause

you're so full of protein!

Page 5: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

51

00:01:57,176 --> 00:01:59,711

Don't be mad!

Just do the case!

52

00:01:59,712 --> 00:02:02,013

Okay, but I have

my vasectomy today.

53

00:02:02,014 --> 00:02:03,481

So I need to be back

in a few hours

54

00:02:03,482 --> 00:02:05,116

to catch my ride

to the doctor's.

55

00:02:05,117 --> 00:02:06,417

<i>My neighbor's driving me</i>

56

00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,653

<i>because my wife's out of town

with the girls.</i>

57

00:02:08,654 --> 00:02:10,021

Why don't I drive you?

58

00:02:10,022 --> 00:02:11,556

I don't know.

59

00:02:11,557 --> 00:02:13,517

I guess I didn't really think

of you as that kind of friend.

60

00:02:13,525 --> 00:02:15,159

Sarge, I'm every kind

of friend.

61

00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,029

I'm Phoebe, I'm Chandler,

I'm Rachel, I'm...

62

00:02:18,030 --> 00:02:19,130

Who's the dinosaur guy?

63

00:02:19,131 --> 00:02:21,066

Page 6: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

Ross, bro!

Ross!

64

00:02:21,132 --> 00:02:23,434

Sorry, I forgot you were

such a ross-head.

65

00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,103

So look, we'll work

this thing together

66

00:02:25,104 --> 00:02:27,639

and afterwards,

I will be your friend chariot

67

00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,783

to the penis-removal

of the century.

68

00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:33,645

The new NYPD commissioner

is planning

69

00:02:33,646 --> 00:02:35,580

a complete reorganization

of the force.

70

00:02:35,581 --> 00:02:37,248

But first, he'll be sending

a deputy chief

71

00:02:37,249 --> 00:02:39,918

to every precinct to conduct

a top to bottom evaluation.

72

00:02:39,984 --> 00:02:42,587

What? When?

Are we gonna be graded?

73

00:02:42,588 --> 00:02:44,222

Or is this just some

pass/fail garbage?

74

00:02:44,223 --> 00:02:45,757

Scale of one-to-five.

75

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00:02:45,758 --> 00:02:47,325

That's how many

letter grades there are.

76

00:02:47,326 --> 00:02:49,193

Feels like they're just

being weird using numbers

77

00:02:49,194 --> 00:02:50,295

instead of letters.

78

00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:51,562

Yeah, they're being

weird right now.

79

00:02:51,563 --> 00:02:52,997

<i>Boyle.

Diaz.</i>

80

00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:55,633

<i>I want the evidence room

organized beyond reproach.</i>

81

00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,235

Santiago, when I greet

the deputy chief,

82

00:02:57,236 --> 00:03:00,838

I want you there by my side

to make a good impression.

83

00:03:00,839 --> 00:03:02,907

No offense,

but you are something

84

00:03:02,908 --> 00:03:03,975

of a teacher's pet.

85

00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:07,112

None taken!

People love their pets.

86

00:03:07,178 --> 00:03:09,406

<i>Good news is

our evaluation will be done</i>

87

Page 8: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

00:03:09,472 --> 00:03:11,316

by deputy chief Brandt.

88

00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:14,244

We have a good rapport.

He was once my captain.

89

00:03:14,253 --> 00:03:17,289

So he's kind of like

our grand-captain.

90

00:03:17,355 --> 00:03:20,083

That is amazingly funny.

91

00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,429

Well, I was closing up

around 11:00.

92

00:03:24,430 --> 00:03:25,496

I heard the door open.

93

00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:28,266

I just figured it was

some "milkers."

94

00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:29,801

That's what we call

our regulars.

95

00:03:29,867 --> 00:03:30,927

Do ya?

96

00:03:30,936 --> 00:03:33,304

Anyway, next thing I know,

the guy stabs me in the back

97

00:03:33,305 --> 00:03:34,372

like... like right here!

98

00:03:34,373 --> 00:03:36,374

Like some kind

of psycho wuss!

99

00:03:36,375 --> 00:03:38,602

Can you think of anyone

who might wanna harm you?

Page 9: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

100

00:03:38,668 --> 00:03:40,311

Yeah.

101

00:03:40,312 --> 00:03:41,312

I mean, you don't get

into this line of business

102

00:03:41,313 --> 00:03:42,513

to make friends.

103

00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:43,948

Really? I would think

making chocolate milk

104

00:03:43,949 --> 00:03:45,283

is a great way

to make friends.

105

00:03:45,284 --> 00:03:47,452

I don't have proof,

but the guy who did this

106

00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:49,854

to me is my business partner,

Gregory Phillips.

107

00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,289

He's still pissed at me

because I banned him

108

00:03:51,290 --> 00:03:52,523

from my 'straunt.

109

00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,158

<i>He was supposed to be

my silent partner,</i>

110

00:03:54,159 --> 00:03:55,593

<i>but he wasn't silent.</i>

111

00:03:55,594 --> 00:03:57,128

<i>He was trying

to control everything.</i>

112

Page 10: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

00:03:57,129 --> 00:03:58,455

Here, try this.

113

00:03:58,521 --> 00:04:00,098

All right, here we go.

Finally!

114

00:04:00,099 --> 00:04:01,098

<i>All right.</i>

115

00:04:02,668 --> 00:04:05,670

Oh! Ugh!

It's so bitter!

116

00:04:05,671 --> 00:04:07,338

What's wrong with

this chocolate milk?

117

00:04:07,339 --> 00:04:08,965

Dark milk isn't

chocolate milk.

118

00:04:09,942 --> 00:04:11,801

This is teat-to-mouth

raw cow's milk.

119

00:04:11,867 --> 00:04:13,277

The bitterness

of the chocolate

120

00:04:13,278 --> 00:04:15,847

brings out the sourness

in the milk.

121

00:04:15,913 --> 00:04:18,808

That's the worst part

of both of those things!

122

00:04:18,874 --> 00:04:21,353

Uh, time for my appointment,

Jake.

123

00:04:21,419 --> 00:04:22,487

Yup, got it.

124

00:04:22,488 --> 00:04:24,355

Page 11: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

All right, we'll look into this

and get back to you.

125

00:04:24,356 --> 00:04:25,456

Okay, sarge.

126

00:04:25,457 --> 00:04:26,858

Hate to be "that kind

of a friend,"

127

00:04:26,859 --> 00:04:30,328

but let's go

chop off that penis.

128

00:04:30,329 --> 00:04:32,906

Where were you?

This is chaos.

129

00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:35,700

Gina's been filing evidence

by "perp hotness."

130

00:04:35,766 --> 00:04:37,468

I'm so sorry,

I just got some bad news.

131

00:04:37,469 --> 00:04:39,437

My sister was gonna go with me

to an engagement party

132

00:04:39,438 --> 00:04:40,872

but she had to cancel.

133

00:04:40,938 --> 00:04:43,241

So go alone.

Maybe you'll meet some new bag.

134

00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,143

It's my ex-wife Eleanor's

engagement party.

135

00:04:45,144 --> 00:04:46,644

I can't go alone.

136

00:04:46,645 --> 00:04:48,413

I'm worried it might seem

Page 12: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

a little pathetic.

137

00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:51,048

Yeah, if only you could've

gone with your sister.

138

00:04:51,049 --> 00:04:52,717

Dude, why are you going

139

00:04:52,718 --> 00:04:55,119

to your ex-wife's

engagement party at all?

140

00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,022

She and her fiance, Hercules,

are also my landlords.

141

00:04:58,023 --> 00:04:59,624

I mean, it's not like

I can avoid them.

142

00:04:59,625 --> 00:05:01,926

I live in their basement.

143

00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,895

<i>Hey!</i>

144

00:05:03,961 --> 00:05:06,030

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

No.

145

00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:07,398

You could go with me.

Can't.

146

00:05:07,399 --> 00:05:09,609

I have a date tomorrow night.

Okay.

147

00:05:09,675 --> 00:05:12,470

I will figure something out.

148

00:05:12,471 --> 00:05:13,538

I know!

149

Page 13: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

00:05:13,539 --> 00:05:15,339

Maybe if I pay my neighbor,

Joann,

150

00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:16,950

she'll ditch her wife

for the night!

151

00:05:18,977 --> 00:05:20,545

Captain, I don't know

if this is too much

152

00:05:20,546 --> 00:05:23,456

but I got deputy chief Brandt

this little basket of pears.

153

00:05:23,522 --> 00:05:27,351

They look ripe and crispy.

154

00:05:27,352 --> 00:05:30,353

<i>Hello, Raymond.</i>

155

00:05:34,526 --> 00:05:36,261

Captain Wuntch.

Good to see you.

156

00:05:36,327 --> 00:05:37,971

<i>But if you're here,</i>

157

00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:40,307

who's guarding Hades?

158

00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,467

It's deputy chief Wuntch now.

159

00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:45,069

Unsurprisingly,

I've been promoted above you.

160

00:05:45,070 --> 00:05:46,771

And now I'm here

to evaluate you.

161

00:05:46,837 --> 00:05:48,139

<i>What happened to Brandt?</i>

Page 14: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

162

00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:49,540

He retired and moved

to Charleston

163

00:05:49,541 --> 00:05:51,175

to be closer

to his grandchildren.

164

00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:53,945

So much for dying at your desk

with a little dignity.

165

00:05:53,946 --> 00:05:54,904

Interesting.

166

00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:57,315

I will attempt to

cooperate with you.

167

00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:59,993

Under these

new circumstances.

168

00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:02,119

Don't sweet-talk me, Holt.

169

00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:06,499

I gave it my best shot.

Let's begin.

170

00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,660

Hey, hey!

171

00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:10,695

How'd it go?

172

00:06:10,696 --> 00:06:11,863

Is his voice

all high-pitched now?

173

00:06:11,864 --> 00:06:13,364

What?

No, of course not.

174

00:06:13,365 --> 00:06:14,365

Page 15: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

Of course not.

175

00:06:14,366 --> 00:06:15,258

Jake!

176

00:06:15,324 --> 00:06:17,594

The doctors made me

into a superhero!

177

00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:20,771

I am so strong!

178

00:06:20,772 --> 00:06:23,875

And they made me black!

179

00:06:23,876 --> 00:06:25,243

He's on a lot of medication.

180

00:06:25,244 --> 00:06:26,577

We weren't able

to do the procedure.

181

00:06:26,578 --> 00:06:27,945

Your friend is so large...

182

00:06:27,946 --> 00:06:30,648

That you needed a bigger saw

to get through his dingus?

183

00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:33,417

No, his body is

so physically massive

184

00:06:33,418 --> 00:06:36,087

that we didn't have

enough anesthesia on hand.

185

00:06:36,088 --> 00:06:37,405

He needs a much

larger dose.

186

00:06:37,471 --> 00:06:39,757

Psst... psst...

Jake.

187

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00:06:39,758 --> 00:06:42,627

Sometimes I can't tell

my twin baby girls apart,

188

00:06:42,628 --> 00:06:44,495

so I call them both

"boo-boo."

189

00:06:45,831 --> 00:06:48,416

Wow.

So he has no filter whatsoever?

190

00:06:48,482 --> 00:06:49,400

None.

191

00:06:49,401 --> 00:06:51,135

I'm gonna take ya home now,

sarge.

192

00:06:51,136 --> 00:06:53,471

Hey, what do you think

of captain Holt?

193

00:06:53,472 --> 00:06:55,090

He needs to smoke some weed.

194

00:06:55,156 --> 00:06:55,973

Yes!

195

00:06:55,974 --> 00:06:58,042

Thank you, Dr. Penis-off!

196

00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,245

Okay, in ya go.

You're okay.

197

00:07:01,246 --> 00:07:03,714

Whoo! Cool!

198

00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:08,019

Dude, your head

is so small!

199

00:07:08,085 --> 00:07:09,253

Like a...

Page 17: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

200

00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:12,523

No, no,

it's so small!

201

00:07:12,524 --> 00:07:13,524

All right.

202

00:07:13,525 --> 00:07:16,444

Where do you keep

your brains?

203

00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:19,948

Good.

204

00:07:20,014 --> 00:07:22,533

All right, got your PJS on,

read you a story,

205

00:07:22,534 --> 00:07:24,001

checked under the bed

for monsters.

206

00:07:24,002 --> 00:07:25,169

Check again!

207

00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:27,789

And now it's sleepy-time,

so here we go...

208

00:07:27,855 --> 00:07:30,834

Wait, wait, wait...

209

00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:33,377

You gotta promise me

you won't let them

210

00:07:33,378 --> 00:07:35,713

give me the operation.

211

00:07:35,714 --> 00:07:39,676

I wanna have more kids.

I don't want the vasectomy.

212

00:07:39,685 --> 00:07:41,819

Promise me, tiny head!

Page 18: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

Promise me!

213

00:07:41,820 --> 00:07:44,180

All right, I promise!

I promise.

214

00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:45,890

Good!

215

00:07:45,891 --> 00:07:49,144

Because I'm not done

with my testicles yet.

216

00:07:49,161 --> 00:07:50,395

Okay.

217

00:07:50,461 --> 00:07:52,997

I'm gonna let them sing!

218

00:07:57,804 --> 00:07:59,871

Uh-oh,

walk of shame!

219

00:07:59,872 --> 00:08:01,740

Same clothes as yesterday.

220

00:08:01,741 --> 00:08:03,032

<i>I slept at the sarge's.</i>

221

00:08:03,098 --> 00:08:04,376

It was horrible.

222

00:08:04,377 --> 00:08:08,146

Come... here...

Phone!

223

00:08:08,147 --> 00:08:10,315

All right, let's get going

and interview that suspect.

224

00:08:10,316 --> 00:08:12,951

I have my make-up vasectomy

this afternoon so...

225

00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:14,986

Page 19: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

I'm sorry,

your what-what vasectomy?

226

00:08:14,987 --> 00:08:16,321

Last night, you told me

you didn't want that.

227

00:08:16,322 --> 00:08:17,522

Then you fell

on top of me

228

00:08:17,523 --> 00:08:19,126

and changed the shape

of my skeleton forever.

229

00:08:19,127 --> 00:08:22,095

No, I definitely want one.

230

00:08:22,096 --> 00:08:25,264

That was the drugs talking.

I was high as a kite.

231

00:08:28,457 --> 00:08:32,806

Did I do this and call you "tiny head?"

Yes.

232

00:08:32,807 --> 00:08:34,564

Some things are

coming back to me now.

233

00:08:34,630 --> 00:08:36,009

Oh, that's great.

234

00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:37,878

<i>Tiny head.</i>

235

00:08:37,879 --> 00:08:40,247

Jake, I am so scared

that man is about to make

236

00:08:40,248 --> 00:08:43,283

a huge mistake,

His vas deferens.

237

00:08:43,284 --> 00:08:46,253

I know, he made me promise

Page 20: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

to not let him get that surgery.

238

00:08:46,254 --> 00:08:49,323

And it wasn't just the drugs.

He doesn't want this.

239

00:08:49,324 --> 00:08:52,749

As his friend,

it's my job to stop him.

240

00:08:56,064 --> 00:08:59,700

Sorry, Terry turned my spine

into a loose stack of pebbles.

241

00:08:59,701 --> 00:09:03,203

And since my arrival,

violent crime has gone down

242

00:09:03,204 --> 00:09:06,873

by 17.3%,

as you can see here.

243

00:09:06,874 --> 00:09:09,176

<i>Two-toned graphs?</i>

244

00:09:09,177 --> 00:09:11,411

You think you can distract me

from the precinct's problems

245

00:09:11,412 --> 00:09:13,311

with a flashy presentation?

246

00:09:13,377 --> 00:09:15,480

<i>Same old Ray Holt.</i>

247

00:09:15,546 --> 00:09:17,517

All sizzle, no steak.

248

00:09:17,518 --> 00:09:19,567

<i>I'm off to do

some spot-checks.</i>

249

00:09:21,189 --> 00:09:23,557

Oh, my God.

She's totally gonna flunk us.

Page 21: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

250

00:09:23,558 --> 00:09:24,958

I haven't gotten an "F"

251

00:09:24,959 --> 00:09:26,827

since I failed recess

in second grade.

252

00:09:26,828 --> 00:09:28,595

"Teachers need a break too,

Amy."

253

00:09:28,596 --> 00:09:31,865

We were doomed the minute

she slithered into the precinct.

254

00:09:31,866 --> 00:09:34,457

<i>It's funny.

When we first met,</i>

255

00:09:34,469 --> 00:09:36,235

we had some good times.

256

00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:40,790

Looks like we both want

that stapler.

257

00:09:40,791 --> 00:09:42,559

Seems that way

based on what happened.

258

00:09:46,497 --> 00:09:48,398

<i>So when did it all

go south?</i>

259

00:09:48,399 --> 00:09:51,468

1989. I was up

for a big promotion,

260

00:09:51,469 --> 00:09:53,336

which would've fast-tracked

my career.

261

00:09:53,337 --> 00:09:54,905

<i>Wuntch offered to write

a letter on my behalf</i>

Page 22: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

262

00:09:54,906 --> 00:09:57,874

but instead, she torpedoed me

because of something

263

00:09:57,875 --> 00:10:00,576

that happened the night before

she was to turn it in.

264

00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:02,678

Madeline.

265

00:10:05,483 --> 00:10:06,483

Would you care for a drink?

266

00:10:06,484 --> 00:10:07,651

I'd love one.

267

00:10:07,652 --> 00:10:09,719

I'm sure you can tell

I'm quite drunk.

268

00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,589

I've had a couple

to build up the nerve.

269

00:10:12,590 --> 00:10:15,759

I think we both know

what I'm about to say.

270

00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,375

Raymond...

271

00:10:17,441 --> 00:10:19,762

I don't think

we need to say anything.

272

00:10:23,868 --> 00:10:24,924

I'm gay.

273

00:10:24,990 --> 00:10:27,470

That's what I was

going to tell you.

274

00:10:27,471 --> 00:10:29,095

Well, then.

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275

00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:31,274

She sabotaged my career

276

00:10:31,275 --> 00:10:34,267

because I refused

to bed her.

277

00:10:35,978 --> 00:10:38,414

He thinks I stabbed him?

That's crazy.

278

00:10:38,415 --> 00:10:40,850

He said you were furious

at him because he banned you

279

00:10:40,851 --> 00:10:42,886

from the restaurant

and called your business plans

280

00:10:42,887 --> 00:10:43,887

"terrible."

281

00:10:43,888 --> 00:10:45,321

The text reads:

282

00:10:45,322 --> 00:10:48,791

"Your ideas are dumb-dumb

batter in a stupid pancake,

283

00:10:48,792 --> 00:10:52,128

you steaming pile

of human fences."

284

00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:54,931

I assume that was

auto-corrected from "feces."

285

00:10:54,932 --> 00:10:58,134

Look, partners fight.

He's difficult to work with,

286

00:10:58,135 --> 00:11:00,084

but I would never try

and kill him.

Page 24: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

287

00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:02,605

Where were you on monday

around 10:00 pm?

288

00:11:02,606 --> 00:11:04,174

Me and my business school

buddies get together

289

00:11:04,175 --> 00:11:06,309

every monday and have

a couple beers.

290

00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,278

Also, there's a... uh...

Pilates studio

291

00:11:08,279 --> 00:11:09,646

with a huge window

across the street

292

00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:13,149

so it's a pretty sweet view.

293

00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:14,784

I guess that's not as bad

as stabbing someone?

294

00:11:14,785 --> 00:11:16,586

I left around 10:00,

295

00:11:16,587 --> 00:11:18,621

I took the subway home,

got off at York street,

296

00:11:18,622 --> 00:11:20,223

around my house,

puked on a statue,

297

00:11:20,224 --> 00:11:21,272

went to bed.

298

00:11:21,338 --> 00:11:22,992

Classy.

All right, well,

299

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00:11:22,993 --> 00:11:24,460

we've taken up

enough of your time

300

00:11:24,461 --> 00:11:26,496

enjoy the rest of your day

and go back to your life

301

00:11:26,497 --> 00:11:28,279

as "a pile

of human fences."

302

00:11:28,345 --> 00:11:30,166

Okay, let's see if

any of DRK MLK's neighbors

303

00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,634

saw the pilates perv

or anyone else

304

00:11:31,635 --> 00:11:33,436

fleeing the scene

of the crime.

305

00:11:33,437 --> 00:11:34,804

Copy that.

306

00:11:34,805 --> 00:11:36,239

We'll do some cop stuff,

have a heart-to-heart

307

00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:37,307

about your vasectomy,

cancel your vasectomy,

308

00:11:37,308 --> 00:11:38,441

grab some drinks,

laugh about the time

309

00:11:38,442 --> 00:11:40,476

you almost got

a vasectomy.

310

00:11:40,477 --> 00:11:42,545

Stop worrying about

my vasectomy, man.

Page 26: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

311

00:11:42,546 --> 00:11:44,447

<i>Maybe you should focus

on your own body.</i>

312

00:11:44,448 --> 00:11:45,848

When's the last time

you had a carrot?

313

00:11:45,849 --> 00:11:48,551

Well, it's my least favorite

type of cake, so rarely.

314

00:11:48,552 --> 00:11:50,787

If I absolutely have to,

I'll just eat the frosting.

315

00:11:50,788 --> 00:11:52,855

Hey!

Cut it out, cake boy.

316

00:11:52,856 --> 00:11:54,357

You're making health

insurance more expensive

317

00:11:54,358 --> 00:11:55,792

for everyone else!

318

00:11:55,793 --> 00:11:56,793

Yeah?

Well, you know what else

319

00:11:56,794 --> 00:11:58,127

drives up premiums?

320

00:11:58,128 --> 00:12:00,129

Unwanted genital removal!

321

00:12:01,712 --> 00:12:03,800

Thank you for coming.

322

00:12:03,801 --> 00:12:04,934

I wasn't sure

if you'd get my message.

323

00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:06,602

Page 27: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

Charles, it was kind

of hard to miss.

324

00:12:07,471 --> 00:12:09,904

<i>Oh, God!</i>

325

00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:11,441

Hey, I didn't know

what to do.

326

00:12:11,442 --> 00:12:12,475

You said we weren't

allowed to talk at work

327

00:12:12,476 --> 00:12:14,033

now that we're

knocking boots.

328

00:12:14,099 --> 00:12:15,278

Ew, gross.

329

00:12:15,279 --> 00:12:17,447

Listen,

my ex-wife's throwing

330

00:12:17,448 --> 00:12:18,681

an engagement party

this weekend

331

00:12:18,682 --> 00:12:20,783

and I was wondering

if you wanted to go...

332

00:12:20,784 --> 00:12:22,185

As friends.

333

00:12:22,186 --> 00:12:25,855

No, Charles, just because

we have secret, shameful sex

334

00:12:25,856 --> 00:12:27,797

does not mean

we are friends.

335

00:12:27,863 --> 00:12:29,892

Forget friends.

Page 28: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

Let's go as "bone bros."

336

00:12:29,893 --> 00:12:31,394

Ugh!

337

00:12:31,395 --> 00:12:33,763

I didn't strike you when

you said "knocking boots,"

338

00:12:33,764 --> 00:12:38,668

but "bone bros"?

I cannot abide.

339

00:12:38,669 --> 00:12:40,560

Have you seen this man

around DRK MLK.

340

00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:42,538

Oh, I don't go there.

341

00:12:42,539 --> 00:12:44,188

They don't allow babies

in there.

342

00:12:44,254 --> 00:12:45,875

What is wrong with them?

343

00:12:45,876 --> 00:12:48,144

All I drank when I was a baby

was chocolate milk.

344

00:12:48,145 --> 00:12:49,736

Well, thank you

for your time.

345

00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:51,614

<i>And thank you,

adorable little baby,</i>

346

00:12:51,615 --> 00:12:52,949

who's probably

giving my partner

347

00:12:52,950 --> 00:12:54,817

some mixed feelings

right about now.

Page 29: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

348

00:12:54,818 --> 00:12:56,853

"Don't get the operation,

sarge!

349

00:12:56,854 --> 00:12:59,255

Instead, make a tiny muscular

friend for me to play with!"

350

00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:00,456

That's enough.

351

00:13:00,457 --> 00:13:01,457

I'm with you.

That's enough, baby.

352

00:13:01,458 --> 00:13:03,833

Mind your own business.

353

00:13:03,899 --> 00:13:06,396

<i>I haven't heard of DRK MLK</i>

354

00:13:06,397 --> 00:13:08,197

and I've never seen

this man before.

355

00:13:08,198 --> 00:13:10,533

This is your lead?

Why are we here?

356

00:13:10,534 --> 00:13:12,335

Well, according

to the Internet,

357

00:13:12,336 --> 00:13:14,404

Dr. Mindel is the best

couples counselor

358

00:13:14,405 --> 00:13:15,672

in the Park slope area,

359

00:13:15,673 --> 00:13:16,806

who accepts same day

walk-ins.

360

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00:13:16,807 --> 00:13:18,274

<i>Couples counseling?</i>

361

00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:19,742

Sorry for wasting your time.

362

00:13:19,743 --> 00:13:21,559

Wait, please don't leave.

363

00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:24,647

This cost me so much money.

364

00:13:24,648 --> 00:13:26,314

I am so sorry.

365

00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:28,484

He's walking out.

366

00:13:28,485 --> 00:13:29,901

Just like your father did.

367

00:13:29,967 --> 00:13:31,954

Wait a minute,

I didn't tell you about that.

368

00:13:31,955 --> 00:13:33,289

Didn't have to.

369

00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:36,426

You are good!

370

00:13:36,427 --> 00:13:40,244

Sarge, wait up!

Come on, don't be mad!

371

00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:41,864

Look, I'm only trying

to protect you

372

00:13:41,865 --> 00:13:43,599

from your very stupid self.

373

00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,335

That is

enough, Jake!

Page 31: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

374

00:13:45,336 --> 00:13:46,869

Look, I'm sorry,

okay?

375

00:13:46,870 --> 00:13:48,304

And the things you said

when you were whacked-out

376

00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:49,439

were real.

377

00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,974

You made me promise.

And as your friend...

378

00:13:51,975 --> 00:13:53,176

I told you, Jake.

379

00:13:53,177 --> 00:13:54,744

We're not that kind

of friends.

380

00:13:54,745 --> 00:13:56,646

Not what kind of friends?

381

00:13:56,647 --> 00:13:57,680

"Friend" friends.

382

00:13:57,681 --> 00:13:59,263

You and I

are work friends.

383

00:13:59,329 --> 00:14:01,432

Now, if you will

excuse me,

384

00:14:01,498 --> 00:14:03,810

I'm going

to the doctor's office.

385

00:14:05,556 --> 00:14:07,590

Not good enough.

386

00:14:07,591 --> 00:14:08,958

Page 32: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

Prepare to be physically

overpowered

387

00:14:08,959 --> 00:14:10,960

by a "friend" friend.

388

00:14:10,961 --> 00:14:12,109

Argh!

389

00:14:12,175 --> 00:14:14,464

Cancel the appointment!

I've got you!

390

00:14:14,465 --> 00:14:15,965

You can't move.

391

00:14:15,966 --> 00:14:18,115

Concede defeat, sir.

392

00:14:18,181 --> 00:14:20,235

You have been conquered.

393

00:14:21,018 --> 00:14:22,668

<i>Spot-checks are done.</i>

394

00:14:22,669 --> 00:14:24,870

Needless to say,

I thoroughly underwhelmed.

395

00:14:24,871 --> 00:14:26,071

Huh.

From your expression,

396

00:14:26,072 --> 00:14:29,508

I would've guessed

constipated or chilly.

397

00:14:29,509 --> 00:14:31,610

Excuse me, captain,

I don't want to say

398

00:14:31,611 --> 00:14:35,380

that I saved the day,

but I will because I did.

399

Page 33: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

00:14:35,381 --> 00:14:37,249

So...

400

00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:41,185

The letter of recommendation

<i>she</i> wrote for you 25 years ago.

401

00:14:42,646 --> 00:14:43,779

Where'd you get this?

402

00:14:43,780 --> 00:14:45,181

I just went down

to one police plaza

403

00:14:45,182 --> 00:14:47,883

and applied some

of my signature Amy charm.

404

00:14:47,884 --> 00:14:49,151

And then

when you wouldn't stop,

405

00:14:49,152 --> 00:14:50,352

they just gave it to you?

406

00:14:50,353 --> 00:14:52,154

More or less.

407

00:14:52,155 --> 00:14:54,390

The point is,

the letter's very positive.

408

00:14:54,391 --> 00:14:56,625

You thought she wrote

mean stuff about you

409

00:14:56,626 --> 00:14:59,428

because of the...

Night before.

410

00:14:59,429 --> 00:15:01,964

But she didn't.

It was all a misunderstanding.

411

00:15:01,965 --> 00:15:03,632

<i>Wait a minute...</i>

Page 34: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

412

00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:06,602

You thought I cost you that

promotion because you're gay?

413

00:15:06,603 --> 00:15:09,408

That's what you've been mad

about all these years?

414

00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,744

It's... one reason.

415

00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:13,980

I don't care that

you rejected my advances.

416

00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,915

Your sexual identity

is the one thing

417

00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,950

I actually respect

about you.

418

00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,785

Then what are you

mad about?

419

00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:22,955

I'm mad because you tried

to get me thrown off the force.

420

00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,257

Yeah, because you shot me.

421

00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:27,193

I shot you because you were

in the wrong position.

422

00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:28,628

You weren't

following orders.

423

00:15:28,629 --> 00:15:30,429

What about the time you

destroyed my personnel file

Page 35: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

424

00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,430

while I was undercover?

425

00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,632

What if there

had been a mole?

426

00:15:32,633 --> 00:15:34,000

You were trying

to make me disappear.

427

00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:36,002

You embarrassed me

in front of Derek Jeter!

428

00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:41,657

You embarrassed yourself

in front of Derek Jeter.

429

00:15:46,269 --> 00:15:47,496

<i>Hey, Rosa!</i>

430

00:15:47,562 --> 00:15:51,334

Better file me under "E"

for "edgy."

431

00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,419

- What?

- Cornrows!

432

00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:54,720

Why?

433

00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,189

My ex-wife and her fiance

go to Jamaica all the time.

434

00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,992

"Jamaican me marry you."

435

00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,227

So good!

436

00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:02,561

Page 36: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

<i>So...</i>

437

00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,897

I still don't have a date.

438

00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:07,183

Unless this sweet maize-head

has changed your mind.

439

00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:08,834

I think we both know

it hasn't.

440

00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:09,835

We do.

441

00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:10,978

Fair enough.

442

00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,307

Why do you look so terrible?

443

00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:16,976

I tried to stop sarge

from getting his tubes tied.

444

00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,412

But he somehow managed to

sneak off to the hospital.

445

00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,280

Zip that lip!

He's doing it?

446

00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,516

He wouldn't listen to me.

He said I was a "work friend."

447

00:16:23,517 --> 00:16:26,919

Ah, that chills me.

And it reminds me of a story.

448

00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,621

I had this sweater,

and it was a work sweater

Page 37: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

449

00:16:28,622 --> 00:16:30,790

because it only seemed

work apropes,

450

00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:33,726

but then one time,

I wore it out to dinner

451

00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:36,162

and I was like,

"oh, dang!

452

00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,172

This sweater is cute

everywhere."

453

00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:41,509

I get it.

I'm the sweater.

454

00:16:41,575 --> 00:16:42,535

No.

455

00:16:42,536 --> 00:16:43,536

And I have to show the sarge

I can be a good friend

456

00:16:43,537 --> 00:16:45,004

to him outside

of work too.

457

00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,005

No!

458

00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:47,006

Thank you, Gina.

459

00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,341

I'm gonna stop him.

460

00:16:48,342 --> 00:16:49,408

Jake, I have no idea

what you're talking about,

461

00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:50,743

Page 38: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

but good luck!

462

00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:53,270

Well, good-bye, Raymond.

463

00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,897

Anything you'd like

to say to me

464

00:16:54,915 --> 00:16:56,357

before I complete

my evaluation?

465

00:16:56,423 --> 00:16:58,551

Something in the form

of groveling?

466

00:16:58,552 --> 00:17:01,821

Never.

Fail me if you must.

467

00:17:05,348 --> 00:17:07,560

You're just gonna let her

fail us?

468

00:17:07,561 --> 00:17:09,362

I'm sorry about your

precious grade, Santiago,

469

00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:11,330

but this isn't

about you.

470

00:17:11,396 --> 00:17:12,932

Don't "this isn't

about you" me!

471

00:17:12,933 --> 00:17:15,868

I'm "this isn't

about you"-ing you!

472

00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:18,204

That grade is the only thing

standing between me

473

00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,206

Page 39: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

and a future where you're

not my captain anymore.

474

00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:22,758

Wuntch failed the nine-oh

and their captain was fired.

475

00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:25,945

I attempted to cajole her

but she rebuffed me.

476

00:17:25,946 --> 00:17:29,048

I'm not a man

of unlimited cajoling.

477

00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:32,952

Well, you better become one

because I need you in command.

478

00:17:32,953 --> 00:17:35,755

This precinct needs you

in command.

479

00:17:35,756 --> 00:17:38,590

Cajole up,

captain.

480

00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:47,233

Sarge, hey!

481

00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:50,870

What the hell

are you doing here, tiny head?

482

00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:55,207

You better not be trying to talk

me out of my surgery again.

483

00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,742

Look, I'm not trying to

talk you out of anything.

484

00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,444

I'm just here to give you

a ride home

485

Page 40: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:00,279

and to prove to you

once and for all

486

00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,448

that I'm more than

just a work friend.

487

00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:04,750

Thank you,

microscope head.

488

00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,985

Hey, a little bit of

good news!

489

00:18:05,986 --> 00:18:07,153

I figured out the case!

490

00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,487

Remember Gregory

said he got off

491

00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:10,122

at the York street station

the night of the stabbing?

492

00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,223

Well, I took the subway here

493

00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,858

and it's closed for

construction.

494

00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:13,859

Hmm...

495

00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,961

So what you're saying is...

496

00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:17,963

I stabbed him.

497

00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,231

I did it.

Page 41: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

498

00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,108

You know what?

We'll talk about it tomorrow.

499

00:18:21,174 --> 00:18:23,435

See you on the other side.

500

00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:28,741

<i>Jake,

you were right!</i>

501

00:18:28,742 --> 00:18:31,210

<i>I don't want the surger,

tiny head!</i>

502

00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,244

NYPD!

503

00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:33,646

Put down the scalpel

and step away

504

00:18:33,647 --> 00:18:35,380

from my work friend's

weiner-tubes!

505

00:18:36,656 --> 00:18:39,085

Looking good, Boyle!

506

00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:40,735

Ugh, that's not

a good sign.

507

00:18:40,736 --> 00:18:42,864

<i>Hey, mon.</i>

508

00:18:42,865 --> 00:18:45,433

Rosa...

You changed your mind!

509

00:18:45,434 --> 00:18:47,035

I blew off my date,

and instead,

510

00:18:47,036 --> 00:18:48,403

Page 42: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

I'm going to spend

a hellish evening

511

00:18:48,404 --> 00:18:50,205

in a Jamaican torture

chamber with you.

512

00:18:50,206 --> 00:18:51,606

Really?

Yeah.

513

00:18:51,607 --> 00:18:53,441

Here's what's about

to happen.

514

00:18:53,442 --> 00:18:54,776

We're gonna go

to this terrible party,

515

00:18:54,777 --> 00:18:56,110

I'm gonna laugh

at all your jokes,

516

00:18:56,111 --> 00:18:57,545

gonna talk about your

medal of valor,

517

00:18:57,546 --> 00:18:59,247

and I'm gonna make you look

like a Jamaican God of rhythm.

518

00:18:59,248 --> 00:19:00,715

Sebastian from

<i>the little mermaid.</i>

519

00:19:00,716 --> 00:19:03,551

Also, tomorrow,

I'm gonna help you find

520

00:19:03,552 --> 00:19:04,568

a new apartment.

521

00:19:04,684 --> 00:19:06,788

You can't live in your

ex-wife's basement anymore.

522

Page 43: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

00:19:06,789 --> 00:19:09,240

Wow!

Respect, mon.

523

00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,926

I'm gonna read you

my toast in the car.

524

00:19:11,927 --> 00:19:13,027

You're giving a toast?

525

00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:14,028

More like

we're giving a toast.

526

00:19:17,132 --> 00:19:18,132

<i>There we go.</i>

527

00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:19,917

Jake, I have to tell you

something.

528

00:19:19,935 --> 00:19:21,302

Oh, boy.

529

00:19:21,303 --> 00:19:24,505

I am a little conflicted

about having a vasectomy.

530

00:19:24,571 --> 00:19:25,673

Really?

531

00:19:25,674 --> 00:19:27,575

Is that why you threw

an EKG machine at the doctor?

532

00:19:27,576 --> 00:19:30,211

I'm sorry I thought of you

as a work friend.

533

00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:33,556

You're here, man.

You're a<i> friend</i> friend.

534

00:19:33,622 --> 00:19:38,720

You made Terry get real

Page 44: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

with himself and his genitals.

535

00:19:38,721 --> 00:19:44,592

Your tiny head has

a big heart inside it.

536

00:19:44,593 --> 00:19:46,060

I know that's

scientifically wrong,

537

00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:47,570

but thanks, sarge.

538

00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:51,966

I'm gonna talk to my wife

when she comes home.

539

00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:55,119

You're a huggy good friend.

540

00:19:55,185 --> 00:19:57,137

No! Not again.

541

00:19:58,874 --> 00:20:00,875

Santiago,

we received our grade.

542

00:20:00,876 --> 00:20:05,213

Oh, my God.

Is this good-bye?

543

00:20:05,214 --> 00:20:07,081

There's still so much

I have to say to you.

544

00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:10,418

2.7.

Mediocre.

545

00:20:10,419 --> 00:20:12,854

But enough for

you to stick around.

546

00:20:12,855 --> 00:20:15,056

How did you get her

to change her mind?

Page 45: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

547

00:20:15,057 --> 00:20:17,141

I had to compromise

everything I stand for.

548

00:20:17,207 --> 00:20:19,427

You are now,

and always have been,

549

00:20:19,428 --> 00:20:21,429

the superior

police officer.

550

00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:24,465

And?

551

00:20:24,466 --> 00:20:27,568

The Derek Jeter thing

was my fault.

552

00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:29,370

I'm sorry you had

to go through that.

553

00:20:29,371 --> 00:20:30,505

No, you were right.

554

00:20:30,506 --> 00:20:31,673

This is the best job

I've ever had

555

00:20:31,674 --> 00:20:33,374

and it would be foolish

to give it up

556

00:20:33,375 --> 00:20:35,710

over a petty feud.

557

00:20:35,711 --> 00:20:38,479

Here, this is

for you.

558

00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,615

It's a grade for your

performance these past few days.

Page 46: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

559

00:20:40,616 --> 00:20:43,209

A letter grade, so as

to not be "weird" about it.

560

00:20:43,719 --> 00:20:47,155

Oh, my God.

You really shouldn't have.

561

00:20:47,156 --> 00:20:49,390

An "a."

562

00:20:49,391 --> 00:20:50,925

<i>Thank you.</i>

563

00:20:50,991 --> 00:20:53,344

Just curious,

does your system have pluses

564

00:20:53,410 --> 00:20:56,597

in it, or is, like,

"a" the highest?

565

00:20:58,901 --> 00:21:00,802

How'd the interrogation go?

566

00:21:00,803 --> 00:21:03,104

Gregory confessed

to the stabbing.

567

00:21:03,105 --> 00:21:05,039

Nice work.

568

00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:06,574

I just talked to my wife.

569

00:21:06,575 --> 00:21:09,444

We're waiting on the operation,

everything's cool.

570

00:21:09,445 --> 00:21:11,379

Did you tell her

we slept together twice?

571

00:21:11,380 --> 00:21:15,917

Thanks for taking care of me.

Page 47: Brooklyn Nine Nine - 2x02 - Chocolate Milk.hdtv.LOL.en

I got you a present.

572

00:21:15,918 --> 00:21:18,019

Do you know what

a present is, Terry?

573

00:21:18,020 --> 00:21:20,121

I care about my friends.

574

00:21:20,122 --> 00:21:23,524

Now eat your carrots, or I'll

rip your tiny head off.

575

00:21:23,525 --> 00:21:24,959

No! No! No!

576

00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:25,960

Come here.

577

00:21:27,629 --> 00:21:29,515

I hate being friends

with you!

578

00:21:29,516 --> 00:21:33,483

Sync & corrections by <font color="#00ff00">Rafael UPD</font>

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9999

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