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Journal of FamilyPsychotherapyPublication details, including instructions forauthors and subscription information:http://www.tandfonline.com/loi/wjfp20

Bring Along the Wife and KidsSusan S. CampbellPublished online: 18 Oct 2008.

To cite this article: Susan S. Campbell (1996) Bring Along the Wife and Kids, Journalof Family Psychotherapy, 7:1, 69-71, DOI: 10.1300/J085V07N01_09

To link to this article: http://dx.doi.org/10.1300/J085V07N01_09

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Bring Along the Wife and Kids Susan S. Campbell

Many family therapists are committed to the necessity of working with the entire family for a variety of reasons. Often, the identified patient is only a smokescreen for the real patient or problem. Frequently, the entire family contributes to and is affected by the identified problem, but the dynamics of this can most easily be seen by bringing in the entire family group.

According to Haley (1987), bringing in the whole family is the easiest way to work. Only through whole-family therapy can the interrelation- ships, styles of discipline, and general mood of the family be observed first-hand. Fishman (1993) indicates that various contexts of the person bring out different facets of the personality. Following the concepts of systems theory, by understanding the family pattern, the therapist will better understand behaviors of the members both in and outside of the family. In addition, some family members who are dedicated to maintain- ing the .status quo may attempt to undermine efforts of the patient or family to change. These dynamics are more apparent in family therapy.

In spite of the therapist's preference for family therapy or couple ther- apy for marriage difficulties, not every couple or family will cooperate and gather together. Some therapists deal with this by refusing to see anyone but the couple or the entire family. I feel that it is more respectful to meet with whomever feels the need to be there, but to encourage them through various means to bring the entire family in. I have found several ways to accomplish this.

Female clients often request a female therapist when they come in for individual counseling, and I see many of these. Occasionally, the woman truly has an individual problem that she and I will work with on a one-to- one basis. However, more often than not, the husband is involved with the difficulty in some way. He may be contributing to it, or hurting from it, or conhsed and frustrated with it. As the client begins to refer to what her husband said or did, it is natural to say, "You know, we really need him

Journal of ~ a r n i l ~ Psychotherapy, Vol. 7(1) 1996 O 1996 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved. 69

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70 J O U R N A L OF FAMILY PSYCHOTHERAPY

here to discuss this with us. We really arc not sure now he feels, or how he would react, or what he needs. Do you think you could get him to come in?" As I have done this, some women have confided that what they really wanted in the first place was marriage counseling. Since they trust me, they think their husbands might also, or they might be able to talk them into it. At this point, we talk about the parts of the discussion we have had that particularly need to be brought out when I meet with both of them. If this sort of client, upon calling for an initial appointment, were told that I would only meet them as a couple, I may never have had the opportunity to work with them.

When dealing with a child, a parent and child, or a set of parents, I often feel the need to meet the family, but may be met with initial hesitancy by the clients. I have found several ways to draw thc reluctant members into the office. Though discussion may have been somewhat negative about the missing person, I lead the discussion into a search for positive ways the missing individual could contribute to the therapy. I might mention the gaps in information that we have, or the way we have to keep mentally "walking around" the empty chair, not sure what that person would say, do, or suggest if helshe were with us. I then encourage the clients to share this need for the missing person's information and viewpoint, suggesting that wc are somewhat "stuck" without it.

One family sent the mother in first to "check out the therapist" and find out what to do about hyperactivity in their children. She seemed hesitant to bring the children right away, so I encouraged her to bring her husband so that we could talk about it some more. When the two of them were in my office, we talked about the identified children, their behavior, and the concerns of the parents.

1 suspected that the dynamics of the family might be contributing to this difficulty, but sensed a great deal of hesitancy and distrust coming from the couple, particularly the father. So, my style was very tentative and respectful, as if I were brainstorming with the couple about what to do. I began to suggest options for dealing with the problem to give thc couple a sensc of choice and efficacy. One option was to teach them some methods to use at home with their children. Through our discussion, they were not sure how effective that would be. Another was to have them bring in the identified children and I would work individually with them or with them and the parents. The father was uncomfortable with therapy anyway, and didn't want the children to feel "labeled" or singled out as having a serious enough problem for therapy. He therefore disagreed with that option. Finally, I very casually, as if spontaneously coming up with the idea, said, "Hrnm, you know, we could bring in the whole family. . . then

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Intervention Intemhange 71

we could see what strengths you have to work with in dealing with this problem."

To my amazement, the parents looked at each other, discussed it briefly, and agreed to bring in the family. That way, we would not have to specifi- cally identify certain children, but they could be observed and assessed as part of the family group. The next few sessions were devoted to having the large family group in my ofice, discussing what made them a great family and what each would change. I did, indeed, see where the strengths were in the family (as well as the weak links) and was able to use this informa- tion to help the family recognize that each family member had a unique way of dealing with life's challenges. We then identified what each person found most helpful to himher in dealing with those challenges and how the rest of the family could assist in this process.

I do not believe that family therapy is the only choice that should be offered, but I feel that if a problem is influenced in any way by family members, all family members should be present in the interview. By this means, filler assessments can be made, more far-reaching therapy can be done, and healthier reciprocal interactions can bc built in families.

REFERENCES

Fishman, H.C. (1 993). Intensive structural therapy: Treating/amilies in the social context. New York: Harper Collins.

Haley, J. (1987). Problem-solving therapy. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

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