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Table of Contents

I. Blondes with Vehicles II. Questions and Answers III. Blondes and Electronics IV. Blondes Answering Questions V. Blondes Getting Medical Help VI. Multiple Blondes VII. Blondes, Brunettes, and Redheads VIII. Blondes Offended by Blonde Jokes

IX. Blondes and Money X. Random Blonde Jokes I. Blondes with Vehicles 1. A car was driving down the streetwhen all of a sudden it started swerving.The car was going back and forth tillsomeone with a cell phone called thepolice. A police officer pulled the carover. A blonde rolls down the windowand says, “Officer, I'm so glad you arehere. I saw a tree in the road, and then Isaw another. So I had to swerve to keepfrom hitting it!"

The officer looks at her and then says,"Ma'am, that's your air freshener." 2. A blonde has her hair dyed brown. Afew days later she’s out driving throughthe countryside when she stops her car tolet a flock of sheep pass. Admiring thecute woolly creatures, she says to theshepherd, “If I can guess how manysheep you have, can I take one?”The shepherd agrees, so the blondethinks for a moment and says, “352.”The shepherd is amazed, “You’re right!Which sheep do you want?”The blonde picks the cutest animal. Theshepherd says to her, “Okay. How’s thisfor a bet? If I can guess your real haircolor, can I have my dog back?”

3. A blonde called 911 to report thatsomeone had stolen her car’s steeringwheel, accelerator, dash board, andradio. When the police officer came outto the scene, he called dispatch and said,“Disregard. She sat in her backseat bymistake.” 4. A blonde got pulled over forspeeding. When the officer asked her forher driver’s license, she angrily said, “Iwish you guys would get your acttogether. Just yesterday you took mylicense away, and now today you expectme to give it to you?” 5. A police officer pulled a blonde over

for driving down a one-way street. Theofficer asked the blonde if she knewwhere she was going. She replied, “No,but wherever I’m going must not be thatgreat because everyone else is leaving.” 6. A blonde officer pulls over a blondedriver for speeding. The blonde officerasks the blonde driver for her driver'slicense. The blonde driver tells theblonde officer that she left her license athome. The blonde officer says, "That'sfine. I just need to see any form of ID."The blonde driver goes through herpurse and pulls out a pocket mirror andhands it over to the blonde officer. Theblonde officer looks into the pocketmirror and says, "If I had known you

were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled youover." 7. Two bowling teams, one of allblondes and one of all brunettes, chartera double-decker bus for a weekendbowling tournament. The brunette teamrides in the bottom of the bus and theblonde team rides on the top level.The brunette team down below iswhooping it up having a great time,when one of them realizes she doesn'thear anything from the blondes upstairs,so she decides to go up and investigate.When the brunette reaches the top, shefinds all the blondes frozen in fear,staring straight ahead at the road andclutching the seats in front of them. They

all have white knuckles.The brunette asks, "What the heck'sgoing on up here? We're having a greattime downstairs!"One of the blondes looks up and says toher, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!" 8. As a trucker in Wisconsin stops for ared light, a blonde catches up. She jumpsout of her car, runs up to his truck, andknocks on the door. The trucker lowersthe window, and she says "Hi, my nameis Heather and you are losing some ofyour load."The trucker ignores her and proceedsdown the street. When the truck stops foranother red light, the girl again catchesup. She jumps out of her car, runs up and

knocks on the door. Again, the truckerlowers the window. As if they've neverspoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, myname is Heather, and you are losingsome of your load!"Shaking his head, the trucker ignores heragain and continues down the street. Atthe third red light, the same thinghappens again.All out of breath, the blonde gets out ofher car, runs up, knocks on the truckdoor. The trucker lowers the window.Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather,and you are losing some of your load!"When the light turns green, the truckerrevs up and races to the next light. Whenhe stops this time, he hurriedly gets outof the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and as shelowers it, he says, "Hi, my name isKevin, it is winter and I'm driving thesalt truck!" 9. "I got a compliment on my drivingtoday," said a blonde to her friend."There was a note left on my windshieldit said 'parking fine.'" II. Questions and Answers 1. Q: Why did 18 blondes go tothe movies together?

A: They heard that 17 and underwere not permitted. 2. Q: How did the blonde break

her leg while raking the leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. 3. Q: What does a blonde saywhen you ask her if her blinker is on?

A: “It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’soff. It’s on. It’s off.”

4. Q: Why was the blondeconfused after she gave birth to twins? A: She couldn’t figure outwho the other mother was. 5. Q: Why did the blondewoman get fired from the M&M factory? A: She kept throwing outthe W’s.

6. Q: If you ask a blonde whatthe last line of the National Anthem is,what would she say? A: “Play ball!” 7. Q: Why did the blonde nursebring a red marker to work? A: In case she needed todraw blood. 8. Q: Why did the blonde tiptoepast the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn’t wake upthe sleeping pills. 9. Q: How do you drown asubmarine full of blondes? A: Knock on the door.

10. Q: Why do blondes smileduring a lightning storm? A: They think they’regetting their picture taken. 11. Q: Why did the blondefaint? A: She forgot to breathe. 12. Q: How do you confuse ablonde? A: Put her in a round roomand tell her to sit in a corner. 13. Q: Why was the blondeexcited after she finished her puzzle inless than 5 months?

A: Because the box said “2to 4 years.” 14. Q: What do you call a dumbblonde behind a steering wheel? A: An airbag. 15. Q: What do you call ablonde with half a brain? A: Gifted. 16. Q: What did the blonde saywhen she saw the banana peel on thefloor? A: “Oh no, I’m going to slipagain!”17. Q: Santa Claus, the ToothFairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb

blonde are walking down the street andsee a 10 dollar bill. Who picks it up?

A: The dumb blonde becauseshe’s the only one that actually exists. 18. Q: Why are Asians sosmart?

A: None of them are naturallyblonde. 19. Q: Why couldn't the blondego water skiing?

A: She couldn't find a lake with aslope. 20. Q: Why did the blonde standin front of the mirror with her eyesclosed?

A: He wanted to see what helooked like while sleeping. 21. Q: How did the blonde runout of shampoo after just one shower?

A: She kept repeating thedirections, "Lather, rinse, repeat." 22. Q: What do you call ablonde holding a balloon?

A: Siamese twins. 23. Q: How do you get rid of ablonde?

A: Tell her to take a long walkon a short cliff. 24. Q: Why don't blondes make

ice cubes?A: They always forget the

recipe. 25. Q: How do you know whena blonde tried to commit suicide?

A: You'll see bullet holes in themirror. 26. Q: What happened to theblonde terrorist who tried to blow up abus?

A: She burned her lips on theexhaust pipe. 27. Q: What does a blonde makebest for dinner?

A: Reservations.

28. Q: Why did the blonde havetire tracks on her back?

A: From crawling across thestreet when the sign said, "Don't Walk." 29. Q: What can strike a blondewithout her even knowing it?

A: A thought.

30. Q: What do you see whenyou look into a blonde's eyes?

A: The back of her head. 31. Q: How did the blondeexplain how his helicopter crashed?

A: He said that it was gettingcold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.

32. Q: How can you tell whichtricycle belongs to the blonde?

A: It has a kickstand.

33. Q: Why couldn't the blondewrite the number 11?

A: He didn't know which 1 camefirst.

34. Q: Why did the blondeclimb up to the roof of the bar?

A: She was told that drinks wereon the house. III. Blondes and Electronics 1. A blonde girl put her laptop in the

microwave, but the laptop blew up andcaused a house fire. When her parentsasked her why she put her laptop in themicrowave, she said, "Because it froze." 2. A blonde loses her cell phone, so inorder to find it, she dials her number ona payphone. When the cell phone ringsinside her purse, she says, "Oh man, howam I supposed to find my cell phone ifsomeone is calling it the same time Iam?" 3. A blonde got a new computer, but forsome reason she was having troublegetting her mouse to move. To motivateit, she decided to put a piece of cheesein front of it, but it still didn't move. She

complained to the computer company,and the representative told her that sheneeded to put her hand on the mouse andmove it around herself. She yelled intothe phone, "Ew, I would never touch amouse!" 4. A blonde went to an electronics store.She asked a clerk, “How much is thatTV?”The clerk said, “Sorry, we don't serveblondes.”So she went home and dyed her hairbrown. She went back to the store. Sheasked, "How much is that TV?”The clerk said, “Sorry, we don't serveblondes.”So she went home and dyed her hair red.

She went back to the store. “How muchis that TV?” she asked.The clerk said, “Sorry, we don't serveblondes.”So she went home and dyed her hairblack.She went back to the store. “How muchis that TV?” she asked.The clerk said, “Sorry, we don't serveblondes.”So she asked, “How do you keep onfinding out that I'm a blonde?”The clerk said, “Because that TV isactually a microwave.” 5. There was a man outside mowing hislawn. He lived next door to a blondewho had just gotten a computer. She

went out to her mailbox to check themail and went back in. After she haddone that 10 times, the guy asked herwhy she kept coming back outside andshe said, "My computer keeps saying,“You’ve got mail!” 6. When a blonde purchased an AMradio, it took her over a month to realizethat she could listen to it at night. 7. A blonde enters a store that sellscurtains. She tells the salesman, "Iwould like to buy a pair of pinkcurtains."The salesman assures her that they havea large selection of pink curtains. Heshows her several patterns, but the

blonde seems to be having a hard timechoosing. Finally she selects a lovelypink floral print. The salesman then askswhat size curtains she needs. The blondepromptly replies, "Fifteen inches.""Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman."That sounds very small, what room arethey for?" The blonde tells him that theyaren't for a room, they are for hercomputer monitor. The surprisedsalesman replies, "But miss, computersdo not need curtains!"The blonde says, "It has Windows." IV. Blondes Answering Questions 1. A blonde walks into the policedepartment looking for a job. The officer

wants to ask her a few questions.Officer: What's 2+2?Blonde: 4!Officer: What's the square root of 100?Blonde: 10!Officer: Good! Now, who killedAbraham Lincoln?Blonde: Umm, I don’t know.Officer: Well, you can go home and thinkabout it. Come back tomorrow.The blonde goes home and calls up oneof her friends, who asks her if she gotthe job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Notonly did I get the job, but I'm alreadyworking on a murder case!" 2. One day, a blonde decided to do hisown laundry to give his wife a rest.

Puzzled, he asked her what setting heshould use to wash his sweater. His wifeasked, "What does it say on thesweater?"The blonde replied, "'Nike.'" 3. During a job interview, the executiveasked the blonde, “If you could havedinner with anyone, living or dead, whowould you choose?”The blonde answered, “The living one.” 4. A woman yells to a blonde walkingalong the river, “Can you please tell mehow I can get to the other side?”The blonde yells back, “Ma’am, you areon other side!”

5. A blonde brags about how she knowsall of the state capitals. So, when herfriend asked her to name the capital ofCalifornia, the blonde replies, “C.” 6. A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuitone night. It was her turn, she rolled thedice and she landed on "Science &Nature." Her question was, "If you are ina vacuum and someone calls your name,can you hear it?"She thought for a time and then asked, "Isit on or off?" 7. A blonde accidentally sets her houseon fire and calls the fire department forhelp. The dispatcher asks her where shelives, and she says, "I used to live in the

house, but now it's on fire!"The dispatcher says, "Ma'am, we have toknow where the house is. How are wesupposed to get there?"The blonde replies, "With your big redtruck!" V. Blondes Getting Medical Help 1. A blonde woman went to the hospital,and they had to draw her blood. Whenthe doctor asked her what type she was,she replied, “I’m an outgoing cat lover.” 2. A blonde went to the doctor becauseshe was hurting all over. She touched hershoulder. “Ouch! It hurts there.” Shetouched her elbow. “Ouch! It hurts there

too.” She touched her knee. “Ouch! Myknee hurts.”The doctor stared at her for a momentand then said, “You have a brokenfinger.” 3. A blonde walks into a building andtells the lady at the front desk, “I have adoctor’s appointment at 3 pm.”“Ma’am, this is a library,” the ladyreplied.The blonde whispers, “Oh, I’m sorry. Ihave a doctor’s appointment at 3 pm.” 4. In order to lose weight, the doctortold the blonde that she should jog fivemiles a day for the next 30 days. After30 days, the blonde called the doctor to

tell her that she jogged five miles everyday for 30 days. The doctorcongratulated her, but the blonde saidthat she had a problem.“What is it?” the doctor asked.“I’m 150 miles away from home.” 5. A blonde man frantically calls hiswife’s doctor because she is about to gointo labor. The doctor asks him, “Is thisher first child?”“No!” he yells. “This is her husband!” 6. A doctor told his blonde obese patientthat she needed to go on a strict diet. Hesaid, “Eat regularly the first day, thenskip a day. Eat regularly the second day,then skip the third day. Repeat this for

the next two weeks, and then come backfor a follow-up. You should lose aboutfive pounds.”After two weeks, the blonde came backto the doctor’s office and reported thatshe lost 20 pounds. The doctor wasamazed. The blonde said, “I thought Iwas going to die by the third day!”“From hunger, you mean?” the doctorasked.“No, from skipping.” 7. A blonde goes to his doctor and saysthat he thinks he is turning into a woman.He insisted on a physical exam, so thedoctor did one and said that everythingwas fine. The doctor asked him why hethought he was turning into a woman.

The blonde replied, “I keep gettingletters in the mail that say, ‘Dear Sir orMadam.’” 8. A pretty young blonde visiting hernew doctor for the first time foundherself alone in a small waiting room.She began undressing nervously,preparing herself for the upcomingexamination. Just as she draped the lastof her garments over the back of a chair,a light rap sounded on the door and ayoung doctor strode in. Coming to anabrupt halt, the doctor looked his nudepatient up and down carefully and withconsiderable appreciation. "MissSmith," he said finally, "it seems quiteobvious to me that until today you have

never undergone an eye examination. VI. Multiple Blondes 1. Two blonde nurses were on their wayto the cafeteria for their lunch break.While walking down the hallway one ofthem picks up a compact and opens it toosee who it might belong to. She lookedin the mirror and said, “She looksfamiliar. I think I know who that is.”The other blonde took the compact andlooked in the mirror. “Of course youknow her. It’s me, silly!” 2. Two blondes were having lunch witheach other. One blonde said to the other,“If you can guess how many sandwiches

I have in my lunchbox, you can havethem both!” 3. Two blondes were walking in thewoods when they found a set of tracks.The first blonde said that they weremoose tracks, and the other blonde saidthat they were deer tracks. The blondesargued back and forth until the train ranthem over. 4. Three blondes were on their way tothe airport. When they saw the sign thatsaid “Airport Left,” they turned aroundand went home. 5. When two blondes were told toalphabetize a bag of M&M’s, one blonde

asked the other, “Does 3 come before Eor W?”The other blonde shrugged hershoulders. 6. One blonde visited her blonde friendwho just brought home two dogs. Theblonde visitor asked her friend what shenamed the dogs. The blonde friend said,“Rolex and Timex.”The blonde visitor asked them why shewould name them that. The blonde friendsaid, “Because they’re watch dogs.” 7. Two blondes decided that they wantedto cut down their own Christmas tree. Sothey drove two hours into the countryand walked deep into the woods to find

the perfect Christmas tree. Theysearched and searched for hours throughknee deep snow and biting wind.Finally, five hours later, with the sunbeginning to go down, one blonde saysto the other, "I can't take this anymore. Igive up! There are hundreds of beautifultrees out here. Let's just pick onewhether it's decorated or not!" 8. Two blondes were walking down theroad and the first blonde said, "Look atthat dog with one eye!"The other blonde covers one of her eyesand goes, "Why?" VII. Blondes, Brunettes, andRedheads

1. A blonde, brunette, a redhead, a pilot,and a young boy had to evacuate a flyingjet because it was about to crash. Therewere only three parachutes. The brunettegrabbed a parachute and jumped becauseshe didn’t want to be the last one on thejet without a parachute. The redheadgrabbed a parachute and jumped outright after her. The blonde told the pilotand the young boy, “Sorry, but I have tosave myself,” and she jumped out of thejet.The pilot told the young boy to take thelast parachute since he was just a child.The boy said, “We both can jump out.There are two parachutes left becausethe blonde one took my book bag.”

2. A blonde, a brunette, and a redheadwere stranded on a deserted island.They decided to swim to the mainlandbecause there was no other way to getback there. The brunette makes it aquarter of the way and drowns. Theredhead makes it a third of the way anddrowns. The blonde gets halfway, butwhen she got too tired to go any further,she swam back to the deserted island. 3. A blonde, a brunette, and a redheadwere lost in a desert when a genieappeared. He told them that he wouldgrant them each one wish. The brunettewished that she could be home with herfamily, and the genie granted the wish.

The redhead wished that she could behome with her boyfriend, and the geniegranted the wish. The blonde said,“Now that they are gone, I am going tobe all alone. So, I wish for my twofriends to come back here to keep mecompany while I find my way home.” 4. A blonde, a brunette, and a redheadescaped from prison. After running formiles, they decided to rest in a barn.They slept inside potato sacks so that noone would notice they were there. Aboutan hour later, a sheriff and a deputyentered the barn to search for the threewomen. The sheriff saw the potato sacksand told the deputy to check them.When the deputy kicked the first potato

sack, the brunette said, “Meow,” and thedeputy thought there was only a cat in it.When the deputy kicked the secondpotato sack, the redhead said, “Woof,”and the deputy thought it was just a dogin it. When the deputy kicked the thirdpotato sack, the blonde said, “Potatoes.” 5. A blonde, a brunette, and a redheadjust died and are trying to get intoheaven. The angel told them that thereare 99 steps to get into heaven, and oneach step, they would be told a joke. Ifthey laughed at a joke, they would notget into heaven. The brunette was toldall 99 jokes, and she did not laugh once,so she was permitted to enter heaven.The redhead was told all 99 jokes, and

she did not laugh once, so she was alsopermitted to enter heaven. On the laststep, the blonde started laughing. Theangel asked her why she couldn’t hold itin on the last step. She replied, “BecauseI finally got the first joke.” 6. A blonde, a brunette, and a redheadare about to get executed. When it wasthe brunette’s turn, the executionerpicked up his rifle and said, “Ready,aim…” and the brunette yelled,“Earthquake!”This confused the executioner, and so thebrunette escaped and did not getexecuted.When it was the redhead’s turn, theexecutioner picked up his rifle and said,

“Ready, aim…” and the redhead yelled,“Tornado!”This confused the executioner, and so theredhead escaped and did not getexecuted.When it was the blonde’s turn, theexecutioner said, “Ready, aim…” andthe blonde yelled, “Fire!” 7. A blonde, a brunette, and a redheadedcompeted in a breast stroke competition.The brunette came in first place. Theredhead came in second, and the blondecame in last place. After thecompetition, the blonde said, “I don’twant to complain, but I think the othertwo cheated because they were usingtheir arms.”

8. One day three female astronauts, ablonde, a brunette, and a redhead, had afew drinks in a bar to celebrate theiraccomplishments. The brunette said,"We should be proud that we were thefirst female astronauts to land on themoon."The redhead said, "And we should beproud that we were the first astronauts towalk on Mars."The blonde added, "And we should beproud that someday we'll be the firstastronauts to fly to the sun.""Don't be ridiculous," said the brunette."If we got within a 100-mile radius ofthe sun, we would burn up and die!" Theblonde replied, "That's why we'll go at

night, after the sun goes down." 9. A blonde, a brunette, and a redheadescape a burning building by climbing tothe roof. The Firemen are on the streetbelow, holding a blanket for them tojump into. The firemen yell to thebrunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your onlychance to survive!" The brunette jumps,and the firemen yank the blanket away.The brunette slams into the sidewalk likea tomato."C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!” say thefiremen to the redhead."Oh, no! You're gonna pull the blanketaway!" says the redhead."No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We'reOK with redheads!"

"OK," says the redhead, and she jumps.The firemen yank the blanket away, andthe lady is flattened on the pavement likea pancake.Finally, the blonde steps to the edge ofthe roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump!You have to jump!""No way! You're just gonna pull theblanket away!" yelled the blonde."No! Really! You have to jump! Wewon't pull the blanket away!""Look," the blonde says, "nothing yousay is gonna convince me that you're notgonna pull the blanket away! So what Iwant you to do is put the blanket down,and back away from it..." VIII. Blondes Offended by Blonde

Jokes 1. A ventriloquist is doing his regularroutine with his dummy on his knee.When he started making a few blondejokes, a blonde woman in the fourth rowstood up and said, “I have heard enoughof your stupid blonde jokes. What doesthe color of a woman’s hair have to dowith her worth as a human being?”When the ventriloquist began toapologize for making fun of blondes, thewoman yelled, “I wasn’t talking to you! Iwas talking to that midget on your knee!” 2. A blind man walks into a bar. He asksthe people around him, “Who wants tohear a blonde joke?

A voice behind him says, “The bartenderis blonde. The security guard is blonde. Iam a blonde with a black belt in karate,and I am with a bodybuilder who is alsoblonde. Are you sure you want to tell ablonde joke?”The blind man says, “No, never mind. Idon’t want to have to repeat it fourtimes.” 3. This blonde is tired of all theseblonde jokes and how all blondes areperceived as stupid, so she decides toshow her husband that blondes really aresmart. While her husband is at work, shedecides that she is going to paint acouple of rooms in the house. Herhusband arrives home at 5:30 and smells

the distinctive smell of paint. He walksinto the living room and finds his wifelying on the floor in a pool of sweat. Henotices that she is wearing a ski jacketand a fur coat at the same time. He goesover and asks her if she is ok. Shereplies yes. He asks what she is doing.She replies that she wanted to prove tohim that not all blonde women are dumband she wanted to do it by painting thehouse. He then asks her why she has aski jacket over her fur coat. She repliesthat she was reading the directions onthe paint can and they said, "For bestresults, put on two coats." 4. A blonde became sick of hearingeveryone making blonde jokes, so she

decide to attempt suicide. After a fewminutes, two men found her hanging froma tree. They asked, "What are you doinghanging by your ankles?"The blonde said, "I'm hanging myself. Ican't stand being bullied for being ablonde. I want to die."One of the men said, "If you're trying tohang yourself, you have to put the ropearound your neck.""I tried that," the blonde said, "but Icouldn't breathe." IX. Blondes and Money 1. A blonde wanted to earn extra moneyon the weekends. She went door-to-doorin a wealthy neighborhood to find out

who needed help with odd jobs. Whenshe asked a man if he needed help withanything around his house, he replied,“You can paint my porch for 50 dollars.”The blonde agreed to paint his porch for50 dollars. The man went back insidehis house, and his wife asked him if theblonde knew that the porch wrappedaround the whole house, and the manreplied, “I’m sure she knows. She wasstanding on the porch.”Shortly thereafter, the blonde womanknocked on the door to tell the man thatshe finished the job. He said, “You didthat quickly.”“Yes, and I had paint left over, so I puttwo coats on it.”The man was impressed and paid the

blonde 50 dollars. The blonde said,“Thank you. By the way, that isn’tactually a Porch. It’s a Ferrari.” 2. A blonde and a brunette werewatching the news. There was a storyabout a man who was threatening tojump off a bridge. The brunette asked theblonde, “I’ll bet you 20 dollars that theman will jump off of the bridge.” Theblond agreed to the bet.They continued watching the news, andthe man did jump off of the bridge. Theblonde pouted her lip and gave thebrunette 20 dollars. The brunette said, “Ican’t take your money. I was watchingthe 6 o’clock news, and it had the samestory. I knew the man was going to

jump.”“Take the money. You won the bet.Besides, I watched the 6 o’clock newstoo. I just didn’t think he’d jump twice. 3. A blonde’s business goes bankrupt,and she has no money. She decides topray to God and ask him to let her winthe lottery. When she checks the lotterythe next day, she finds out that she didn’twin. Every week, she prays that shecould win the lottery, and every weekshe loses. One particular night, she getsangry with God and asks him why Hecannot help her win the lottery so shecould get out of debt. Suddenly, she isconfronted with the voice of God, whichsays, “You’ve got to meet me halfway.

Buy a lottery ticket.” 4. One day a blonde walked into acookie shop and saw a small tray full ofcookies. The sign said, "Free Sample,"so she took one. The next day the blondewas sick and could barely move. Sheswore revenge upon the cookie shop.She marched back to the cookie shop."Your cookies made me sick!" shescreamed, pointing to the free sampletray."Oh, what are we going to do aboutthat?" said the store clerk, as he bit hislip."I want my money back!" screamed theblonde.

X. Random Blonde Jokes 1. On a flight from New York to Paris,soon after take-off the pilot announces:"I'm sorry, but we have lost one of ourengines. Subsequently, we will arrive inParis approximately half an hour late."A few minutes later, he comes on again:"Hate to disappoint you folks, butanother engine is down. Don't panic -we've still got two going, but now we'llbe about 2 hours late."After another few minutes, he comes onagain:"Look, I am really sorry about this, butsomehow we have lost our third engine.

Still nothing serious to worry about, butwe will be about five hours late toParis."After hearing this, the blonde turns to theguy sitting next to him and remarks,"If we lose the other one, we'll be uphere all night." 2. A blonde grabbed a large thermos andhurried to a nearby coffee shop. She heldup the thermos and the coffee shopworker quickly came over to take herorder."Is this big enough to hold six cups ofcoffee?" the blonde asked.The coffee shop worker looked at thethermos, hesitated a few seconds, andthen finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like

about six cups to me.""Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief."Then give me two regular, two black,and two decaf." 3. A blonde walks into a shoe store totry on a pair of shoes. After trying on apair she complained that they were a bittight. "Try pulling the tongue out,"suggests the sales clerk."Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,"responds the blonde. 4. At 2 am, a blonde woman was wokenup by her phone ringing. When shepicked it up, she said, "How should Iknow? That's over 200 miles away!"When she hung the phone up her husband

asked her who was on the other end. "Idon't know...some young woman askingif the coast was clear." 5. A blonde began a job as anelementary school counselor, and shewas eager to help. One day duringrecess she noticed a boy standing byhimself on the side of a playing fieldwhile the rest of the kids enjoyed a gameof soccer at the other.The blonde approached him and asked ifhe was alright.The boy said he was. A little while later,however, the blonde noticed the boy wasin the same spot, still by himself.Approaching him again, she said,"Would you like me to be your friend?"

The boy hesitated and then said, "Okay,"looking at the woman suspiciously.Feeling she was making progress, Sandythen asked, "Why are you standing herealone?""Because," the little boy said with greatexasperation, "I'm the goalie." 6. A blonde and a brunette goparachuting. The blonde jumps first,pulls her parachute cord and is slowlydrifting in the air and enjoying the view.The brunette jumps after her, pulls herparachute cord but nothing happens. Shepulls it again, this time as hard as shecan, still nothing. She pulls the cord tothe emergency chute, but that doesn'topen either. She passes by the blonde

like a speeding bullet. The blonde looksat her and says, while getting herparachute off her shoulders, "So, youwant to race, do you?" 7. A blonde and her boyfriend weresitting at home one night and becamebored."Hey, let's play a game" she said."What game?" was his bored reply."Let's play hide 'n seek.""What if I can't find you?" he asked."I'll be behind the piano." 8. A blonde was on vacation in thedepths of Louisiana. She wanted a pairof genuine alligator shoes, but didn'twant to pay the high prices.

After unsuccessfully haggling with ofone of the shopkeepers, the blonde said,"Maybe I'll just go out and catch my ownalligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at areasonable price."Later in the day, the shopkeeper spottedthe young woman standing waist deep inthe water, shotgun in hand. She took aimat an alligator, killed it and hauled itonto the swamp bank. Lying nearby wereseveral more of the dead creatures. Theshopkeeper watched in amazement as theblonde flipped the alligator on its backand shouted in frustration, "This one isn'twearing any shoes either!" 9. On the first day of training forparachute jumping, a blonde listened

intently to the instructor. He told them tostart preparing for landing when they areat 300 feet.The blonde asked, "How am I supposedto know when I'm at 300 feet?""That's a good question. When you get to300 feet, you can recognize the faces ofpeople on the ground."After pondering his answer, she asked,"What happens if there's no one there Iknow?" 10. "Have you heard my knock-knockjoke?" the blonde asked the brunette."No, not yet," replied the brunette.""Okay," said the blonde, "you start..." 11. A blonde asked her friend what IDK

stands for. Her friend said, "'I don'tknow.’”The blonde replied, "No one ever knowswhen I ask them!" 12. A blonde woman buys a bath tub,and the next day she goes back to thehome improvement store demanding areturn. The store associate asked whatthe problem was. The blonde womansaid, "Every time I fill the tub withwater, it empties out immediately."The store associate told her that sheneeded to put a plug in it. The blondelaughed at herself and said, "I guess I ama dumb blonde after all. I didn't noticethe tub was electrical!"

13. A blonde was taking the tour of anational park not long ago. The rangermentioned to the tour group that dinosaurfossils had been found in the area.The blonde exclaimed, "Wow! I can'tbelieve the dinosaurs would come thisclose to the highway!"