Become an Ugly Expat

IWasAnExpatWife.com

Ever heard the

expression “Ugly

American?” It comes

from a1958 novel about

American expats who

acted like spoiled,

ethnocentric brats.

“A mysterious change seems to

come over Americans when

they go to a foreign land.”

“They isolate themselves socially.

They live pretentiously. They're

loud and ostentatious.”

I think it’s time we

retired the

expression Ugly

American and

replaced it with

Ugly Expat.

Because cultural disrespect is an

equal opportunity sport.

It’s not just for

Americans

anymore!

Don’t waste

your valuable

time learning

about your

destination.....

1

After all, a

country’s

cultural

values

are no

concern of

yours.

Don’t

throw

money

away on

cross-

cultural

training.

2

Everyone

knows

what a

scam

that is.

Don’t

bother

reading

about

how to

alleviate

culture

shock.

3

That’s

what

Valium

is for.

(Pack

lots!)

Isolate yourself

in your

compound and

refuse all

contact with

local people.

4

Instead, stick

with people

from your

own country.

Bonus points

if they’ve

already

aced these

13 steps.

Flaunt your wealth, especially if

you live in a developing nation.

5

Your fancy toys and

baubles will breed

admiration and

respect

among the

masses, who

will revere you

as a role model.

Do NOT

eat local

food. 6

The locals eat

that garbage

because they

don’t know

any better.

You do.

(Don’t be shy

about making

your disgust

crystal clear.)

(Don’t be shy

about making

your disgust

crystal clear.)

Gagging noises are optional.

Be sure to tell everyone how

backward the country is, and

how much better things are

back home.

7

It’s your

duty to teach

the locals a

thing or

two...

...and opening

their eyes

to their

inferiority will

surely

endear

you to them.

Speak your

own language

exclusively,

especially if it

happens to

be English.

8

(If the locals

haven’t

learned

English yet,

that’s their

problem,

right?)

Speaking very

s-l-o-w-l-y

and

very

LOUDLY

should help

them understand.

Don’t try to figure out

local customs.

9

If it’s not The Way Things Are Back

Home, it’s wrong.

Treat your

household

staff like the

poor

servants

they are.

01

They don’t need a day off, and c’mon —

hot water would only spoil them.

Since it’s for

their own

good,

I’m sure

they’ll thank

you later.

Remember that social

networking was invented

for people stuck in

godforsaken places like this.

11

Spend all day on Facebook,

Twitter, and email,

lying about

how much

fun you’re

having.

Drink.

A lot.

21

It makes life

so much

better,

both for you

and

for those

around you.

Take out your frustrations

on

your spouse

31

After all, if it weren’t for their

precious career,

you wouldn’t be wasting the best years

of your life in this hellhole.

For more insights into

expat and repat life,

please visit

I Was An Expat Wife

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Photo credits:

Albumarium.com, Canva.com,

Creative Commons images

(Andreh Santos, Anna Lee, Denis De Mesmaeker,

Dick Vos, Janet Vincent, Jason Hargrove, JourneyCare,

Luciano Consolini,Nicola Swann,

Saad Akhtar, Sheldon North, Thomas Hawk),

Freedigitalphotos.net (Sakhorn38),

Gratisography.com, iStockPhotos.com,

Lifeofpix.com, Picjumbo.com,

StartupStockPhotos.com

©2015 Maria Foley