bang bang your dead script

8/13/2019 Bang Bang Your Dead Script

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BANG BANG YOU'RE DEAD

Revision 24 April 2009

William Mastrosimone 1998, 2009Bang Bang Youre Dead (version 2009) was first presented by Las Vegas Academy Theatre, Las Vegas Academy of International Studies, Performing and Visual Arts, Clark County School District, Las Vegas, Nevada in April, 2009. Theproduction was directed and designed by John Morris, and was stage managed byMary Hayden. The student director was Kerry Warren. The cast was as follows:

Josh Drew LynchEmily Ashley Culberg

Jessie Ariel LukeMatt Matt Ortile

Katie Nicola CarreonMichael Sabe Robertson

The Shadow Cody Canyon

Voice 1 Callan ReamThe Con, Defense Attorney, Grandpa, Dad, a Student

Voice 2 Callie Williams Prosecutor, Mom, a Student

Voice 3 Jayde FairThe Judge, a Student

Voice 4 Allie CannadyThe Bailiff, the Principal, a Student

You can find out more information about this production and Las Vegas AcademyTheatre by visiting http://lvacademytheatre.org/gallerybbyd


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Bang Bang Youre Dead

TIME: Now.

PLACE:The space is a void, in which any action might be possible. There is astool and a big black box. These two set props function as the cot,

judges bench, principals office, Grandpas truck and any otherfurniture or space-defining objects for which the actors endow them.The box is the place wherein the Deceased place Josh when they aretrying to make a point. The performing space should contain light: be

very, very dark at certain points in the show, yet be fully lit when theaction calls for it. Of course, it can be staged completely differentfrom this as well. It can be played with different levels, or it can playon a flat stage.

The play begins in a jail cell, then moves to various placesa court room, a woods, a school, a homeand back to the jail cell again.

CHARACTERS in order of appearance:

JoshThe deceasedMichael, Katie, Matt, Jessie, EmilyThe Ensembleat least four, as many as nine or ten, that play thefollowing roles: Voices 1, 2, 3, and 4 (male or female)GrandpaJudge (male or female)Prosecutor (male or female)Public defender (male or female)Jury foreman (male or female)Shadow (male)MomDadSchool principal (male or female)Students at Joshs School

The play is continuous without intermission.


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BANG BANG YOU'RE DEAD

(DARKNESS. A flashlight cuts through thedarkness finding Josh asleep on the jail bed).

JOSH Who's there?

(Another flashlight from another directionfinds Josh).

JOSH Who is it? Who's there?

(Michael holds the flashlight under his chinilluminating only his face. The others do thesame when they speak).

MICHAEL Why me?

KATIE Why me?

MATT Why me?

JESSIE Why me?

EMILY Whyd you kill us, Josh?

JOSHCry me a riverI feel like a swim.

(The Deceased continue to light themselvesand Josh alternately, making sure that the

audience sees faces and action when necessaryand appropriate.)

MICHAELI need an answer, Josh. Why me?

JOSHFor the pleasure of seeing you drop. Okay?


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KATIE

Why me?

JOSH

You sat next to him. Thats the way the cookie crumbles.MATT

Why me? I don't even know you.

JOSH Wrong place, wrong time. Loser.

JESSIE Why me?

JOSH Why not you? World's overpopulated. I wanted to do my part.

EMILY Whyd you smile when you killed me?

JOSH You know me. Im just a friendly guy.

EMILY You liked me once.

JOSHIn your dreams.

(Josh lays back on the bed).

EMILY We live on the same street. We used to make mud pies when we were little kids.

(Josh mimes an imaginary keyboard, presseskeys)

JOSHESCAPE.

EMILYI taught you how to blow bubbles with chewing gum.

JOSHDELETE.


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EMILY

I came to your birthdays, you came to mine.

JOSHCONTROL ALT DELETE.

EMILY When we were eleven you let me play war with you and the other boys because you liked how I died. Remember?

(The deceased improvise pre-teen kids playing war, using their fingers for guns and makingshooting sounds. They run around in the dark,their flashlightssweeping the floor, looking for the enemy, thelights criss-crossing. Let them shout "bam,"pow" etc. Eventually Emily "kills" Katie andMatt who drop dead. Michael shoots Jessie who falls dead. Michael and Emily shoot eachother at the same time. Michael drops dead atonce. Emily dies very dramatically with all theappropriate sounds).

EMILYHope I didn't disappoint when you killed me in the cafeteria this morning, Josh.Hope I died just right for you.

JOSHPerfect. Wish I could do it again.

EMILYGo on then. Shoot me again. Cmon.

(Josh pretends to shoot her. She dies again very dramatically).

MICHAEL

Why her?

KATIE Why him?

MATT Why them?


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(Josh lies down to sleep again. Emily pulls offhis blanket).

EMILY All my life I've been taught to forgive. I was taught that forgiveness is for the

forgiver. But I just can't. Not until I know what's really in your heart, Josh.

JOSHI dont need your forgiveness. I dont need anything from anybody. I got all I needin here. Three hots and a cot. The whole thing will be off my record when I'meighteen anyway. Maybe I'll be out of here when I'm twenty-one. After that, whenI walk down the street, people will look at me and whisper, Dont mess with thatdude.

MICHAELThats not fair.

DECEASEDNot fair.

KATIEOur bodies lie in coffins.

DECEASEDNot fair.

MATT And you dont even care.

DECEASEDNot fair.

JESSIEOur bodies will lie under the earth.

DECEASEDNot fair.

EMILY While you still breathe the air.

DECEASEDNot fair.

JOSHBut you got yourselves a cozy little placeand you cant beat the rent.


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(JOSH lies down to sleep).

EMILYThis is your last chance for an honest answer, Josh.

JOSH You cant hurt me. Youre dead.

MICHAEL We're gonna open you up.

JOSHGood luck.

KATIEDissect you like a frog in bio lab.

MATTPry open your heart.

JESSIEFor a start.

EMILYPut you through the ringer.

MICHAEL Well find your rhyme.

KATIE Your reason.

MATTNot a fun time.

JESSIE Well go up one side.

EMILYDown the other.

MICHAELIn your face.


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KATIEUnder your skin.

MATTCrawling through your brain.

JESSIELike a worm in an apple.

EMILYLast chance, Josh. Why?

JOSH You're all just a bad dream.

EMILYSometimes bad dreams come true.

(The deceased wrap Josh in the blanket, pickhim up, making the box a coffin. They drop himin, close the lid. Josh kicks and screamsinside).

MICHAELThat's how it is in our world now.

KATIE Alone.

MATTIn the dark.

JESSIEIn silence.

JOSHOpen this thing!

EMILY

We really need some answers, Josh.

JOSHLet me out!

MICHAEL What were you thinking?


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JOSHOpen up!

KATIE When you open up.

JOSHIm claustrophobic!

MICHAELBut you got yourself a cozy little place

KATIE And you cant beat the rent.

JOSHPlease!

MATTDid he say please?

JESSIEI think he said please.

JOSHPLEASE!

EMILYHe definitely said please.

(The deceased turn the box on its side, openthe lid. Josh tumbles out with a primal yell. Helies on the floor exhausted).

MICHAELThat will be your life.

KATIEEvery hour.

MATTEvery minute.

JESSIEIn a wordhell.


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EMILY Without love.

MICHAEL Without decency.

KATIE Without comfort.

MATT A kid in a cage.

JESSIE A cage that eats you alive each day.

EMILY And vomits you out so it can eat you again.

MICHAEL And one day your cage will vomit you out in the street--

(JOSH makes nonsense sounds like a child todrown out what they are saying).

MICHAELStooped.

KATIEBroken.

MATTBitter.

JESSIEFriendless.

EMILY

Hopeless.

MICHAELMindless.

KATIESoul-less.


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JOSHSome lawyer will get me off.

MATT And how will you get a lawyer?

JOSHMy parents will--

JESSIE Your parents will what, Josh?

EMILYDo you remember them?

MICHAEL A little?

KATIE A lot?

MATTNot at all?

JESSIESay something, Josh.

EMILY Your parents cant do anything for you, Josh, because your parents--

JOSHI dont need my parents. The state will appoint a lawyer and I will be out.

MICHAELIf you survive the big house.

JOSHPiece o cake.

CON VOICE (OFFSTAGE) Yo, bad boy.

JOSH Are you talking to me?

CON VOICE You the bad boy offed seven people?


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JOSH

Ah, one, two and then three, four, five, six, seven. Yes, seven. Did you see me onthe news?

CON VOICE We all had our day on the news, bad boy. Tomorr' we gonna see just how bad BadBoy is.

JOSH What do you mean?

CON VOICE You'll see, bad boy. Well see how bad Bad Boy is without his rifle.

JOSH Whoa. Guard! Guard! Somebody just made a threat! Guard! Guard!

MICHAELNobody hears you, Josh.

KATIE You might as well call for your mommy.

JOSHShut up.

MATTThe mommy you have no more.

JOSHSHUT UP!

JESSIENobody hears you but the dead, Josh.

EMILY You will love your bars.

MICHAELBars protect you from them.

KATIEThe walls close in.

MATTNarrow your thoughts.


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JESSIE

Squeeze your brain.

EMILY

Drive you insane.MICHAEL

As you remember the big wide world.

KATIEThat you traded for a concrete coffin.

MATTSix by eight.

JESSIEOnly the truth will set you free.

EMILYThe whole truth and nothing but the truth.

(JUDGE bangs the gavel)

JUDGECourt is now in session.

FOREMAN Your honor, the jury has reached a verdict.

JOSH A verdict already? The trial didnt even begin!

JUDGEHow do you plead?

JOSHI have the right to remain silent. Anything I say can be held against me.

PUBLIC DEFENDERMy client pleads guilty your honor.

JOSHI didnt say that. Why cant anyone hear me?

JUDGEThe court will hear the prosecutor's opening statement.


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PROSECUTOR

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury: Seven corpses, scores of witnesses. What's tothink about?

FOREMANThe jury has reached a verdict, Your Honor.

JOSHHey, Bozo, you have to wait till the end. Whys nobody hear me?

JUDGEThe court will now hear from the public defender.

PUBLIC DEFENDER Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I agree with the Prosecutor.

JOSH What kind of defense is that?

JUDGELet us call witnesses for the prosecution

PROSECUTORI call the deceased.

JOSHHow can they testify? Theyre dead.

PROSECUTORState your name and what you saw.

MICHAELIm Michael. I hardly knew Josh. He was friends with my girl for like forever.That day I got a letter in the mail. My football scholarship was denied from thecollege I wanted to get in to. There was no way I could pay for college without ascholarship. I wanted to be alone with Emily and tell her because we wereapplying to the same college. But Josh was there. We had words. Things got hot. Idont remember if I pushed him or he pushed me but I thought it was over and

forgottentill I saw he come towards my table in the cafeteria.

KATIEIm Katie. I wasnt even hungry. I wanted to spend my lunch in the library because I was a little shaky for the biology test. But Matt was shakier than me and when he asked for my help I couldnt say no because hes like a lost puppy whenhe asks for anything and its impossible to say no. I was explaining mitochondria when I saw Josh dressed in camou walking like he was late for a dentist


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appointment. It was like when the rollercoaster suddenly drops and you feel weightless and sick and helpless. Then I saw he had a rifle.

MATTIm Matt. I didnt even know Josh. I saw kids mock and tease him. I thought,

Poor guy. He never really answered them back. You know how that is. Once theyget on your case, theres not much you can do about it but suffer until they pickon somebody else. Truthfully, I thought it was a joke when he came in thecafeteria. I thought those theatre people are at it again, advertising some dumbplay. And I thought, Whoa, they are gonna be in trouble with the principal because that rifle looks so real, I cant believe they would allow that on schoolgrounds. And then he aimed the rifle at Michael, and when fire came out the barrel

JESSIEIm Jessie. Emily told me that Michael and Josh had a pushing contest. She wasso upset because she loved them both and didnt know how to make peace between them. So when I saw josh come into the cafeteria with a rifle, smiling asmile that was not really a smile, but I dont know, a taunt, a threat, a mask, a weaponI dont know what Im trying to say but I knew I should run but my legsturned to stone and I had to sit there and I knew I should pray but I couldnt evenremember the words and all I could see was his smile and I waited for the bulletto rip through my body.

EMILYIm Emily. He pointed the rifle at me and called my name. He wanted to makeeye contact with me because it was so personal. I dont know why but I thoughtof 5 th grade when I found a tiny box of chocolates in my desk with a Valentinefrom Anonymous, and I knew it was Josh because he had borrowed the moneyfrom me for the exact amount two days before but hes denied it ever since, Iguess because were more like brother and sister, we finish each otherssentences. I felt a sadness that poured over me like cement. The giver ofchocolates was now pointing a rifle at me and said, What happened? How did weget to this place? I didnt want to believe it. But it wasnt Josh behind his eyes.Something else took him over. And after I fell, and before I closed my eyesforever, I saw the oddest look on his face.

PROSECUTOR

What kind of look?

EMILYThe same face he had when he killed the deer.

PROSECUTOR What deer?


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EMILYHis first buck.

JOSH You werent there. How could you know the face I made?

MICHAEL We know everything about you.

EMILY All your thoughts.

MICHAEL Your feelings.

KATIE Your memories.

MATT Your dreams.

JESSIE Your deep, dark secrets.

JOSHHow? How could you know all that?

EMILY We're all in your head, Josh.

JOSHPsych! Tell me one fact about that day. One fact. One.

MICHAELJust you and grandpa drove up to the mountain in his old red dented truck withthecracked windshield and the uncomfortable seat with a spring coming out of theupholstery. Enough facts, Josh?

(GRANDPA sits next to Josh on the box that becomes a truck.)

JOSHOkay, you saw the truck somewhere. Now tell me one thing grandpa said. Ah. Youcant. You cant. You cant tell me one thing grandpa said.


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GRANDPARespect the animals. Don't take a shot unless you know it's sure. Do it quick andclean. You dont want the animal to suffer. You keep that safety on till you areready to shoot.

JOSHOkay, anybody could guess that.

KATIEThat old logging road is full of ruts.

JESSIE You both bounce on the seat. You can't wait to shoot your new rifle.

GRANDPALet's go, Josh.

MATT You both get out of the truck.

JESSIEThe cold stings your face.

EMILY You can see your breath.

MICHAEL You wish you dressed warmer.

KATIEGrandpa watches you load the rifle's magazine.

MATTFive shiny bullets.

JESSIE You show him the safety is on.

GRANDPA

Atta boy.

EMILY You love this man.

MICHAELHe teaches you so many things about life.


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KATIE You split up.

MICHAEL You walk for miles.

(JOSH sits on the floor.)

KATIE Your nose goes numb.

MATT Your fingers go numb.

JESSIEToes go numb.

EMILY You wish you were still in your warm bed.

MICHAEL You wish you ate the oatmeal your mother begged you to eat.

KATIE And in the midst of your numbness, you have a profound philosophical thought:

JOSHHunting sucks.

MATT You lie on dry leaves.

JESSIE You curl up and doze off.

EMILY You dream of venison on the grill.

MICHAEL

Something wakes you up.

KATIESomething moving on dry leaves.

MATT You don't move.


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JESSIE You feel its presence.

EMILY

And then you see it.JOSH

A buck!

MICHAELBeautiful.

KATIEMagnificent.

MATTStrong.

JESSIEProud.

EMILYKeen.

JOSHLike a dream.

MICHAEL You're taken by its beauty.

KATIEUtterly taken by its feral beauty.

MATTIts hot breath condenses cold.

JESSIEMakes you forget youre hunting.

EMILY And then you notice the rifle in your hand.

MICHAELBut deep inside you don't know if you can really pull the trigger.


21/71

KATIEThe buck poses like a sublime statue.

MATT Your pulse quickens.

JESSIE You raise your rifle.

(JOSH mimes a rifle)

EMILY Your hands shake.

MICHAEL You can't find the buck in the scope

KATIE You hold your breath.

MATT You put the crosshairs under the buck's shoulder.

JESSIEThe moment of truth has come.

EMILYBut this buck's beauty weakens you.

MICHAEL You dont see venison in a stew.

KATIE You dont see steaks and chops on the grill.

MATT You dont see a trophy mounted on the wall.

JESSIE

You see a beauty beyond words.

EMILY You want to shoot but you dont want to shoot.

MICHAELSo you make your face a mask.


22/71

KATIE A mask that hides your face.

MATT A face that hides the pain.

JESSIE A pain that eats your heart.

EMILY A heart nobody knows.

MICHAEL You pull the trigger! Nothing happens!

KATIEThe safety's still on!

MATT You panic!

JESSIE You click the safety off.

EMILYThe buck turns and runs like the wind.

MICHAEL You take aim.

DECEASEDBam!

KATIEFirst shot misses!

DECEASEDBam!

MATTSecond shot misses.

DECEASEDBam!


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JESSIEThird shot misses!

DECEASEDBam!

EMILYFourth shot misses!

DECEASEDBam!

JOSHDAMMIT!

MICHAELDown on one knee!

KATIEFind the buck in the crosshairs.

MATTThe buck stops.

JESSIELooks back as bucks do.

EMILYMakes a perfect target of itself.

MICHAEL You thinkSo beautiful.

KATIESo magnificent.

MATTSo proud.

JESSIESo strong.

EMILY All you want to be.

MATTBut you want to shoot.


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JESSIE

And you dont want to shoot.

EMILY

You have to shoot.MICHAEL

But you dont have to shoot.

KATIEThe war inside you has to end.

DECEASEDBam!

MATTBuck goes down!

JESSIE You tear across the field.

EMILY You stand over your dying buck.

MICHAELIts legs kick as if running on the air.

KATIEIts chest heaves

MATTIts blood spurts out

JESSIEIts life runs out

EMILYLike a wind-up toy

MICHAELBattery dying.

KATIESlowing.


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MATTSlowing.

JESSIEStill.

EMILYDead.

JOSH Awww, man.

MICHAEL You hurt inside

MATT You wish it was all a DVD.

JESSIE You wish you could just hit STOP BUTTON.

EMILYJust hit the BACK BUTTON.

MICHAELTo make the buck come alive again.

KATIEThat was the look on your face.

MATTThe look that loved the hunt.

JESSIEBut wished the buck could live again.

EMILYBut you cant unshoot the bullet.

MICHAEL You cant unkill it!

KATIEThe beautiful--

MATTMagnificent--


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JESSIE

Proud--

EMILY

Keen buck dying on the ground.MICHAEL

You watch its life run out.

JOSHI didn't know it would be like this. CONTROL ALT DELETE.

DECEASEDThat was the look on your face.

KATIE Your buck takes its last breath.

JOSH Awww, man.

MATT You almost let yourself weep.

JESSIEBut you hear a voice.

GRANDPAJosh. Why 5 shots?

EMILYGrandpa comes out of breath.

MICHAELHe sees your dying buck.

KATIEHe looks at you like no one's ever looked at you before.

EMILYLike a man.

MICHAELSomebody you always wanted to be


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KATIE12 feet tall.

MATTBig.

JESSIEBigger than big.

EMILYImmense.

MICHAELGigantic.

KATIEColossal.

MATTMeasureless.

JESSIEOther hunters come out of the forest.

EMILYThey ask you to tell the story.

MICHAEL All the details

KATIE And you feel as tall as the pines.

MATTBut as small as the moles deep underground.

JESSIEBoth at once.

EMILYPine tree tall and mole small.

(GRANDPA takes out a Polaroid camera).

GRANDPAC'mon, Josh, lets have a picture. Say moment of glory.


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MICHAEL You make your face a mask.





(Grandpa takes a polaroid photograph, handsit to Josh.)

DECEASEDThat was the look on your face.

JUDGE Where is this photo?

EMILYI have it, Your Honor.

(EMILY hands two halves of the photo to theJUDGE)

PROSECUTOR Why is the photo ripped in half?

EMILYTell the court what happened that day in the cafeteria that day, Josh.

JOSHIf you know everything about me, why don't you know that?

EMILY We want to hear you say it to yourself.

FOREMAN We have reached a verdict, Your Honor.


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JOSHSafe and sound.

(JOSH takes the sugar baby out of his backpack. It looks tampered with.)

(DIRECTORS NOTE: VOICES 1-4 LAUGH ona 3 point scale: #1 is bemused laughter, #2 ismocking laughter, #3 vicious mockinglaughter. At this moment VOICES 1-4 LAUGH#1).

EMILY You are soJosh, when you have a kid, are you gonna keep it in a backpack?

JOSH A kid? I cant even get a date.

EMILY Whys it so light?

JOSHI emptied the sugar out.

EMILYJosh, why?

JOSHI needed some for my cornflakes.

(VOICES LAUGH # 1)

EMILYOh, Josh!

JOSHFilled it with cotton balls. Easier to carry.

(VOICES, LAUGH #1)

EMILY We both are gonna fail if the teacher ever does a spot-check.

JOSH With all my books I cant be lugging around 10 pounds of sugar all day long.


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EMILYHow else can you develop patience and care with a child?

JOSHIts not real, Emmer.

EMILYLucky for you because it would be child abuse and youd be arrested. Let me see what you wrote.

JOSHIm not quite finished.

EMILYLet me see what you have.

JOSH Well, ah, its kinda all in my head, Ems. I just have to sit down now and write itout from memory.

EMILY Whatd you have for lunch yesterday?

JOSHLunch? I dont remember.

EMILYBut you can remember all the details about our baby care for the last two weeks.

JOSHI was waiting for a big burst of inspiration but it never came. Is that my fault?

EMILY You had a big burst of selfishness.


EMILY

Wish I could shut down and restart my conscience like that. I knew it was amistake to have a baby with you.

(VOICES LAUGH #1)

JOSHChill, Emmer, everybodys looking.


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EMILYJosh, you obviously dont care about your grade, but I care about mine.

(Enter MICHAEL)

MICHAELHey, Josh.

JOSHHey.

MICHAELLets rock n roll.

EMILYIm sorta stuck here for a while.

MICHAELThis is my only time off.

EMILYI know but

MICHAELBut what? What happened?

EMILY We dont have all of the Health Class assignment.

MICHAELBut last night you told me you finished it.

EMILYMy half.

MICHAELOh.

EMILY

Josh doesnt quite have his half.

MICHAEL Well, why dont you turn your half in and let him fail.

EMILY Were graded together because we have a, you know, baby together. We reallyneed to come up with 14 diary pages.


33/71

MICHAEL

Well how long will that take?

EMILY

Maybe two hours.

JOSHMore like a half hour.

MICHAELThis stinks.

EMILYI know, Michael, Im sorry.

MICHAELDont apologize for him. He should be the one the say hes sorry.

(MICHAEL takes the photo out of EMILYshand).

MICHAEL Whats this?

EMILYJosh got a buck on the weekend. His first.

JOSHMy picture please.

MICHAELJosh the big bad game hunter had time to hunt but not enough time to do theassignment.


MICHAEL Whats that mean?

JOSHMy picture.


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(JOSH grabs the photograph but MICHAELSgrip is so tight, JOSH accidentally rips thephoto in half).

(VOICES LAUGH #2)

MICHAELOops. (Flips the other half of the photograph to Josh) You ripped it, not me.

(JOSH holds up the torn photograph).

JOSHI wanted to get this enlarged and framed. But now its ruined.

(JOSH throws the pieces of the photo down.EMILY picks up the pieces).

MICHAELIt was an accident.

JOSHNo it wasnt. You wouldnt let go.

MICHAEL You pulled it too hard, loser.

(VOICES LAUGH, # 3. JOSH throws himselfat MICHAEL, pushes MICHAEL back, andthen MICHAEL pushes JOSH to the floor. VOICES continue LAUGH, #3. JOSH throwshimself at MICHAEL again. EMILY holdsJOSH back.).

EMILYCmon, you guys, youll both get in trouble.

JOSHLet me go!

EMILYCmon, Josh, we really need to get this diary written.

MICHAELLet him go. What can a puny little loser do to me?

(VOICES LAUGH # 3)


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JOSHThats what the buck thought.

(VOICES go WHOA!)

MICHAEL Whats that supposed to mean?

JOSH You better hope you never find out.

MICHAEL You know, Josh, youre a joke in this school. Josh the joke.

(VOICES LAUGH # 3)

EMILYMichael, Josh is my friend and you cant talk to my friend like that.

MICHAEL You two spend a little too much time together.

(EXIT MICHAEL)

JOSH What do you see in him?

EMILYLets just get this done.

JOSHI knew you first.

EMILY What?


EMILYNo, whatd you mean?

JOSHIt doesnt matter.

EMILYIt does to me. Tell me.


36/71

JOSH

Im too ticked. I cant think straight right now.

EMILY

Okay. But what you said was sweet.JOSH

Can I put that on my cornflakes? Cant believe he pushed me in front of the wholeschool.

EMILYI think hes a little jealous.

(VOICES LAUGH, #3)

JOSHEvery kid in the schools laughing at me.

EMILYTheyre not laughing at you.

JOSH Why are they looking at me?

EMILYLets work.

JOSHIll do it on my own.

(Josh moves to another place).

MICHAEL You make your face a mask.






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(VOICES LAUGH, # 3)

JOSHSomebody's gonna laugh once too many times.

VOICE 1 You hear about Josh the joke? He got his ass kicked.

(VOICES LAUGH # 3. Josh writes in hisnotebook. He tries to ignore the sporadic pealsof laughter. ENTER SHADOW in a blackhooded sweatshirt hiding his face standing behind Josh).

SHADOW You gonna let them just flick your switch?

JOSH Who said that?

SHADOW You do nothing, youre gonna be their daily entertainment.

JOSH Who are you?

SHADOW Youve known who I am ever since the day you shot the buck.

JOSH What about it?

SHADOW You cast a long shadow across the snow that day.

JOSHHow do you know that?

SHADOW You felt twelve feet tall.

JOSHHow do you know that ?

SHADOWI know what you know.


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JOSH

How can you know what I know? Who are you?

SHADOW

I am you and you are me.JOSH

I dont get it.

SHADOWI am the long shadow you cast on the snow that day in the woods but that longshadow is the shadow of a different you deep inside.

JOSHHow different?

SHADOWI am you when the remote is in your hand and your nimble fingers dance over theremote switching from Glock to AK-47 to flamethrower, wiping out multitudes ofenemies. That feeling of big.

JOSHBigger than big.

SHADOWImmense.

JOSHGigantic.

SHADOWColossal.

JOSHMeasureless.

SHADOWExactly.

JOSH Whoa.

SHADOW At your service.


39/71


40/71

JOSH

Be specific.

SHADOW

I see an empty classroom. I see a blackboard crying out for a dire message thatshuts them up.

(Josh uses the fourth wall as a blackboard,mimes writing on it with a piece of chalk.SHADOW speaks the words as JOSH writesthem)

SHADOW"Everybody...in...this...class...is...dead...meat.

(A CROWD assembles and reacts to the wordson the blackboard. Improvise. The crowd iscomprised of the Voices, the Deceased andperhaps others. The Principle ENTERS to havea look. S/He takes a snapshot of the words onthe blackboard).

PRINCIPALOkay, people, Health Class is cancelled for today. This room is now a crime scene.If anyone knows anything about the blackboard phantom, it will be kept strictlyconfidential. Go to the library and study quietly. Move those feet. Lets go!

(The crowd fragments into different directionsand suddenly we are back in the courtroom.)

PROSECUTOR And who did you suspect to be the blackboard phantom?

PUBLIC DEFENDERObjection, Your Honor. Its pure speculation.

JOSH

Wow, you spoke up. I thought you died with your eyes open.

JUDGEOverruled. Emily knew him best. While her feelings are not factual, they may berelevant. I want to allow this.

EMILYI thought it was Josh.


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JOSH Well, those frightened people need to realize how frightening it is to be pushedaround like the school joke. Life stops. I feel empty. Like a balloon. All puffed up.Big enough for everyone to see. But empty. So empty. A balloon in a world whereeverybody else is pointed, sharp, jagged. Just a word is a needle. A look is broken

glass. A laughoh, especially a laughis a razor. I go pop.(SHADOW pops the balloon with a sharpobject and then holds the limp and raggedremnant of the balloon in the air).

MICHAELSo you make your face a mask.





(ENTER SCHOOL PRINCIPAL)

PRINCIPALHi Emily. Hi Josh.

EMILY and JOSHHi.

PRINCIPALMay I speak with you in my office, Josh?

JOSHSure. See ya, Emily.

(JOSH and PRINCIPAL go to another part ofthe stage)

PRINCIPALHave a seat.


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JOSHThanks.

PRINCIPAL Anything you want to say to me, Josh?

JOSHDidnt you want to talk to me ?

PRINCIPALI was hoping youd come to your senses and have something to say to me.

JOSHOh, yeah. Great hair.

PRINCIPALI admire a good poker-face, Josh, but to your credit, youre not a very good liar.

JOSHI never claimed to be an expert.

PRINCIPAL What do you know about the words on the blackboard?

JOSHNothing.

PRINCIPAL We know for a fact that you're the blackboard phantom, Josh.

JOSH You cant know that because Im not.

PRINCIPAL We have a snitch.

JOSH Who?

PRINCIPAL You.



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PRINCIPAL We compared the writing on the blackboard to your last English class essay. Its aperfect match. Do you have anything to say now?

JOSH

What a remarkable coincidence.PRINCIPAL

Violence or even the threat of violence triggers our zero tolerance policy. I haveno choice but to expel you for the rest of the year. I will inform your parents that you will have to repeat the grade unless you repeat all your courses in summerschool.

(VOICES LAUGH # 3. EXIT PRINCIPAL.ENTER JOSHS PARENTS).

JOSHI won't go! I won't go!

MOMIt wont be so bad, Josh.

JOSHSit in hot class all day while other kids can do what they want? And study onsummer nights?

(VOICES LAUGH # 3)

DADMaybe you should've thought about that before you wrote on the blackboard.

(ENTER SHADOW blowing up a balloon).

JOSHKnow what they call me at school? Josh the joke.

(VOICES LAUGH # 3).

Somebody calls you a name, its superglued to your forehead. Forever. I had to

shut them up. Why cant you see that?

DAD You cant threaten people.

JOSHIt wasnt for real, Dad. It was just SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE.


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DADIf you wrote SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE on the blackboard you wouldnt be in trouble now, would you? The school cant take a chance. You did something wrong so take your punishment like a man.

(VOICES LAUGH # 3)JOSH

Why should I be punished when theyre laughing at me right now?

DADSo what. Thats life.

MOM What your father means is you cant help what others think of you.

DAD And what your mother means isyou care too much about what others think of you. You are in school to get an education, not to make friends. And you threwaway an education for what? To blow off a little steam. So grow up. Bite the bullet. Be a man.

MOM Well, I wouldnt have said it exactly like that.

JOSHMy life is over.

SHADOWNice. You got them worried. More.

JOSHI'd rather be dead.

MOMOh, Josh, you don't really mean that.

SHADOW

Dont overdo it.

MOMJosh, we will help you through this. Step by step we will be there fore you. Thefirst step is an appointment with a psychotherapist tomorrow morning.

JOSHI dont need that.


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SHADOWRight behind you.

JOSHThe voices are driving me crazy.

SHADOWGotta shut em up, Josh.

JOSHBut how? The voices are in my head now. How can I shut them up?

SHADOWOnly one way, Josh.

JOSHHow?

SHADOWBoom.


SHADOW You know what I mean. Boom. No more pain.

JOSHThats dumb.

SHADOW You said it before, Josh. Your life is over.

JOSH Awww, man.

SHADOWPunish them. Do it in the living room. Leave your brains on the wall for yourparents to see. Boom. No more pain.

JOSHThat's really dumb.


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SHADOWKnow whats dumb? Going back to that school. You know what theyre sayingabout you?

VOICE 1

Hear about Josh the joke? VOICE 2

While everybody's having fun in the sun, Josh is reading gobbledygook in a book!

(THE VOICES JUMP UP LAUGHING # 3)

JOSHIll always be the laughingstock.

SHADOW Always Josh the joke. Imagine you do summer school. Imagine the day you go back. Imagine riding the bus. Imagine the looks. Imagine you walk the halls.Imagine the words.

VOICE 1Loser!

VOICE 2Josh the joke!

SHADOWThey will whittle you down to dust.

JOSHIt will never end.

SHADOWNever. Stop the voices, Josh. Boom.

JOSH Awww, man.

SHADOW

Stop the pain, Josh. Kill the voices.

JOSHDoes it hurt?

SHADOW You dont feel a thing.


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JOSHSometimes it hurts too much to be alive, but I'm afraid to be dead. I dont want to be thinking this.

SHADOW

You wanna be Josh the joke forever?(VOICE LAUGH # 3. SHADOW blows up a balloon).

VOICE 1Hear about Josh the joke?

VOICE 2No, whatd he do now?

VOICE 3Blew out his brains.

VOICE 4 What a loser.

JOSHNot even that? Not even that? They wont even let me have that in peace?

SHADOWThe deck is stacked against you, Josh.

JOSHNot even that.

SHADOW You will never be anything but a fool in their eyes

JOSHTheyll still mock me even when Im dead. (SHADOW bursts the balloon with apin) WILL SOMEBODY JUST PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY?

SHADOW You gotta take em down with you.

DECEASEDFort Gibson, St. Charles, Fayetteville.


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JOSH Whoa.

DECEASEDPomona, Edinboro, Pearl, Moses Lake.

SHADOWShow 'em who you are.

DECEASEDPaducah, Jonesboro, Springfield.

SHADOWThe whole school would stand in awe of you.

DECEASEDColumbine, Bethel. Virginia Tech.

SHADOW You'd be a legend for years to come.

DECEASEDErfurt, Virginia Tech.

SHADOWTheyll write books about you. Theyll make movies about you.

DECEASEDKauhajoki.

SHADOWIt's almost lunchtime. They will all be in the cafeteria soon. Scene of the crime.

JOSHI can see them sitting there.

SHADOWImagine their faces when you walk in.

JOSHTotally surprised.

SHADOWHeart attack time.

JOSHBig.


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JOSHPop gun.

SHADOWB.B. gun

JOSHTwelve gauge.

SHADOW22.

JOSH38.

SHADOW45.

JOSH A gun makes you feel alive.

SHADOW Watch out!

JOSHMove aside!

SHADOWNobody can touch you.

JOSH When you have a gun-

SHADOWNobody mocks you.

JOSH When you have a gun. When you have a gun,

SHADOWPeople talk nice.

JOSH When you have a gun-

SHADOWPeople look at you like a V.I.P.


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JOSHThats a wrap.

SHADOWHey, Josh, hear that?

JOSHI dont hear anything.

SHADOWThe voices in your head, theyre not laughing anymore.

(JOSH and SHADOW share a primal primal yell of joy, rebellion, and freedom. SHADOWhelps JOSH on with a camou t-shirt and hat,and they dance and yell until--)

DAD (offstage)Josh?

MOM (offstage)Josh, are you home?

SHADOWHome early because you didnt keep the appointment.

JOSHThe psychotherapist!

SHADOWThey will stop you.

JOSHNo.

SHADOWBack to school.

JOSH

No.

SHADOWJosh the joke.

JOSHNo.


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(ENTER MOM AND DAD)

DADJosh, what are you doing home? The therapist called and said you never showed.

JOSHNO!

MICHAELMake your face a mask.





SHADOWBAM!

(DAD drops).

MOMJosh, what are you doing?

JOSHI love you, mom.

MOMJosh! Think!

SHADOWBAM!

(MOM drops)

JOSH Who did this?

SHADOW You.


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JOSH

No.

SHADOW

Dont think about it. Move, move, move or you will chicken out.(The DECEASED and VOICES gather togetherin the cafeteria. Ad lib small talk. ENTERJOSH. Dead quiet. JOSH aims at MICHAEL).

JOSH Anybody here think Im Josh the joke?

SHADOWBam!

(Michael pulls a red scarf through a pin hole inthis clothing representing blood and drops).

JOSH Anybody here think Im a loser?

SHADOWBam!

(KATIE pulls a red scarf through a pin hole anddrops).

JOSH Whys nobody laughing now?

SHADOWBam!

(JESSIE pulls a red scarf through a pin holeand drops).

JOSH

Whys nobody laughing at Josh the joke?

SHADOWBam!

(MATT pulls a red scarf through a pin hole anddrops).


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JOSHEmily

EMILY What happened?

(JOSH shoots EMILY who pulls a red scarfthrough a pinhole and drops).

SHADOWReload!

(As Josh reloads, VOICES tackle him and bringhim down).

JUDGELadies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?

(VOICES release JOSH)

FOREMAN We have Your Honor.

(The jury assembles: the FOREMAN, theDECEASED, VOICES, MOM and DAD, =12).

JOSHThats my jury?

(MOM sings "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"under the monologue).

JOSHMom, do you have to sing that stupid song? Message received, okay? Yes, Iremember you used to sing me that when I couldnt sleep? Thank you for thepain?

(DAD puts on a baseball glove and slams a baseball into the pocket repeatedly).

JOSHDo you have to do that, Dad? Message received, okay? Yes, I remember youtaught me the outfielders glove and I caught a high-fly in the Little Leaguechampionship game and you carried me off the field? You carried me! How didthat stop? What happened? Why can't it be like that all the time? You didntunderstand I was a joke at school and a joke at home. I wanted to kill you but I


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didn't want you dead. How else could I tell you what's on my mind without youinterrupting? Why's it so easy to talk to you now?

JUDGEThe foreman will read the jurys verdict.

JOSHBig surprise this is gonna be.

FOREMAN Your Honor, we the jury find the defendant guilty

JOSHI have reached a verdict too, Your Honor! There are put-down artists who willtrash you just to be noticed by other kids. There are kids who hurt so bad insidethey need to make somebody else hurt. There are kids who would do anything tosee somebody trip, fall, cry, fail, just for laughs. And the teachers dont see.Nobody sees. Will there be a trial for them too? Answer me that! Will there be atrial for them too?

JUDGEThe foreman will now read the sentence.

FOREMAN Your Honor, we the jury sentence the defendant to life imprisonment withoutpossibility.

JOSHPossibility of what?

FOREMAN Without possibility.

JOSH Without possibility of what?

FOREMAN Without possibility.

JOSHI dont know what that means.

MICHAEL You'll never achieve your dreams.

KATIENever skydive.


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MATT

Never scuba off Australia.

JESSIE

Never explore the caldera of a volcano.EMILY

Never fly a helicopter.

MICHAELNever be a sportscaster.

KATIENever ski again.

MATTNever body surf.

JESSIENever meet people on the internet.

EMILYNever know what you could've been

MICHAELDone

KATIESeen

MATTHad

JESSIEKnown--

EMILYLovedin your lifetime.

MICHAELNow you'll never know all the happiness that might have been yours.

KATIEThrough the bars of your cell youll see the Josh you might have been.


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MATT And wondering will be your pain.

JESSIEThe pain will eat the blossom of your youth.

EMILY You will be as dead as we are.

(The DECEASED pull away from Joshmomentarily. They address the audience atthis point.)

KATIEKnow what I hate about being dead? You can't call up and order a pizza.

MICHAELPepperoni.

JESSIEExtra cheese.

EMILYGarlic.

MATTHold the anchovies!

MICHAELCheeseburgers.

KATIE With bacon.

MATT And fries.

JESSIEDrenched in ranch dressing.

EMILYTriple chocolate milkshakes.

MATTChocolate chip cookies.


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KATIE With milk.

MATTCold milk.

JESSIESo many things to miss.

EMILY You could never name them all.

ALLNever.

(With background music. The tone is bittersweet--sad that it's gone, joyful inremembrance. Sometimes they are oblivious ofJosh, other times they direct the lines at him. At the director's discretion, cut one or two ofthe following sections (5 or 10 lines) and let the Actors personalize things they now have thatthey miss. Let each line begin with, "I miss--".Let none of the personalization courtcontroversy or interfere with plot, character, ortone).

MICHAELI miss cruising, windows down, radio up.

KATIEI miss lying on my bed in the dark falling asleep to my iPod.

MATTI miss dancing to NSync.

JESSIEI miss when a guy gets that look in his eye! And you know he's gonna ask you out!

EMILY And then he says, Can I borrow your math book?

MICHAELI miss when she answers before you even finish asking-

KATIEI'd love to!


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MATT

I miss when you go in for the kiss and then it happens and it's much, much betterthan you dreamed it would be.

JESSIEI miss bowling.

EMILYI miss seeing Jody when she has that look on her face that she's got anotherstupid joke to tell me.

MICHAELI miss mom's rock-hard brownies.

KATIEI miss my dog when I come home from school.

MATTI miss how my dog jumps all over me and barks for a treat.

JESSIEI miss text messages saying, Sweet dreams.

EMILYI miss when you take a new pair of jeans in the dressing room and put them onand they fit perfect.

MICHAELI miss cheese puffs.

KATIEI miss soda fizz tickling my nose.

MATTI miss loving someone.

JESSIE

I miss fixing my hair in the morning.

EMILYI miss going to the mailbox and getting a letter that I didn't expect.

MICHAEL A hand written letter.


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KATIEI miss jumping into a cool pool on a hot day.

MATTI miss sneezing.

JESSIEI miss sleeping.

EMILYI miss good times in Louisiana.

MICHAELI miss rollerblading.

KATIEI miss when you start the school year and you open a book for the first time andthe spine cracks.

MATTI miss going into the cafeteria and deciding who I want to sit with.

JESSIEI miss laughing so hard I start to cry.

EMILYI miss waterskiing in Georgia.

MICHAELI miss being home alone with a bag of microwave popcorn and the remote in myhand channel surfing.

KATIEI miss giving my dog a bath and she shakes and gives me a shower.

MATTI miss cooking for my mom.

JESSIEI miss mom's cooking wafting through the house and trying to guess what it is.

EMILYI miss picking a college.

MICHAELI miss talking with friends on the phone after midnight.


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KATIE

I miss going in a grocery store and being able to buy anything I want.

MATT

I miss hanging out.JESSIE

I miss the end of a race when I'm out of breath and I feel so good about myself.

EMILYI miss screaming at the football games.

MICHAELI miss the end of the day school bell, the feeling in the air when you can go home.

KATIEI miss my bed.

MATTI miss singing in the shower.

JESSIEI miss getting into a fight with my sister and acting like nothing happened fiveminutes later.

EMILYI miss making mom laugh so hard she can't hardly breathe.

MICHAELI miss watching the sky go from light to dark.

KATIE And dark to light.

MATTI miss, even at my age, not being able to sleep on Christmas Eve.

JESSIEI miss learning new songs on the piano.

EMILY (TO DECEASED)I miss singing to the radio in front of the mirror.

MICHAEL And pretending I'm in concert.


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MATT

Standing room only! I miss Sunday brunch.

JESSIE

I miss Krispy Kreme donuts.EMILY

I miss opening a door on a winter's day and feeling the cool rush of cold air on myface.

MICHAELI miss hitting on girls.

KATIEI miss jumping on the trampoline with six people at a time.

MATTI miss swimming in the fountain at midnight.

JESSIEI miss people watching.

EMILYI miss the look in my brother's eye just before he pulls his newest wrestling moveon me.

(Music fades out. JOSH interrupts.)

JOSHI never thought I was taking away all that. I killed all my possibilities too. Illnever have anything to look forward to. Never.

MICHAELNever? What do you know about never? I'll never do all I wanted to do.

DECEASEDNever.

KATIEI'll never achieve my dreams.

DECEASEDNever.


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MATTI'll never see all I wanted to see.

DECEASEDNever.

JESSIEI'll never know all I wanted to know.

DECEASEDNever.

EMILYNot ever.

(At the director's discretion, cut one or two ofthe following sections (5 or 10 lines) and let theactors improvise. Let the actors personalizethose things they never had. Let each line begin with, "I'll never--". Let none of it courtcontroversy or interfere with plot, character, ortone).

KATIEI'll never be the cool aunt.

(Music continues)

MICHAELI'll never know what it is to live on my own and be independent.

MATTI'll never have the chance to be a better person.

JESSIEI'll never go to college and have a double major.

EMILYI'll never find the right person to spend my life with.

MICHAEL And make a marriage work.

(Josh, on the outside, moves in, hoping for aninvitation. They ignore him.)


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JOSHIll never--

(They drown him out.)

KATIE And give love.

MATT And get love.

JESSIEI'll never meet a beautiful, intelligent, caring fraternity boy who will look at meand see perfection.

EMILYI'll never be married in a white dress and have a huge wedding.

MICHAELI'll never make new friends.

KATIEI'll never have the chance to apologize to my mother.

MATTI'll never play catch with my son.

JESSIEI'll never have long talks at a candle lit table in the corner of a little restaurant.

EMILYI'll never get to decorate my babys room.

MICHAELI'll never know what it is to come home from work and open the door and all mykids run to me and pull me down on the floor and smother me with hugs andkisses.

KATIEI'll never find out if the psychic was right--will I get what I want or sell used cars?

MATTI'll never know what it is to own my own car.


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JESSIEI'll never have my beautiful frat boy hold my hand in the delivery room of thematernity ward telling me to push, push, push while I tell him to SHUT UP.

EMILY

I'll never own a red convertible.MICHAEL

I'll never fly a plane.

KATIEOr ride another rollercoaster.

MATTOr see the Dead Sea.

JESSIEI'll never have three children who look just like my frat boy so that when I kissthem I'm kissing him.

EMILYI'll never see my limits.

MICHAELOr really know myself.

KATIEI'll never get to play with my little brother again.

MATTI'll never have a chance to make dad proud of me.

JESSIEI'll never cry at my children's graduation.

EMILYI'll never see Paris.

MICHAEL

Or Tokyo.

KATIEOr be handed a high school diploma.

MATTOr get washboard abs.


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JESSIE ( to Josh)I'll never have an epitaph that reads "Beloved mother, grandmother, and wife.Because I died at 17."

JOSH

It was just a fantasy. Like a horror movie. A DVD. In my mind I thought I could just hit the BACK BUTTON and bring you back to life! The movies over. Theresnothing I can do. It's over. Okay? It's over.

MICHAELOver for us, Josh.

KATIEBut BACK BUTTON and PLAY BUTTON for you.

MATTEvery day of your life.

JESSIE You'll see us on the big screen in your head.

EMILY And you'll see us over-

MICHAEL And over-

KATIE And over-

MATT Again-

JESSIE And Again-

EMILY As you saw us yesterday in the school cafeteria.

DECEASEDDEAD!(Katie drops dead)DEAD!(Michael drops)DEAD!(Jessie drops)DEAD!


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(Matt drops)DEAD!(Emily throws her arms around Josh and drops bringing him to the floor).

JOSH

I didnt know it would be forever.(JOSH goes to his knees)Is this the rest of my life? Oh God.

(ENTER SHADOW IN HIS HOODEDSWEATSHIRT. SHADOW sits near JOSH backto audience as LIGHTS FADE TO DARKNESS)

END


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bang bang your dead script

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