Austin: The Urban LegendRetold by a-secret-potty

The Early YearsAustin began his life as a pickle in Chatanooga, Tennessee. After going through metamorphosis, when he was still very young, he was diagnosed with a rare disease called Bunionitis, which causes permanent bunions on his forehead and feet.

EducationAustin flunked Kindergarten 6 times because all the teachers hated him. They hated him because he had no friends except a pair of pants. (See later slide) Austin didn’t know why everyone hated him, so he showed his bunions to everyone in hopes that they’d like him.

Austin, age 5

EducationAustin stopped going to school at grade 3 because he got bullied by the preschoolers.

Austin, age 12

Life with BunionitisAustin was the first person ever to get Bunionitis, so doctors studied him carefully and did many tests on him, such as making him lick public restrooms and eat tree soup.

Austin’s FamilyAustin’s diverse family includes a meatloaf, a foot, and a hamster, and more!

Mother Father Great-great-grammy-maw

ParentsAustin’s mother is a talking boat. His father is part hillbilly, part hippie, and part weirdo.

SiblingsAustin has a sister named Miffins and a brother named Angus.

MiffinsMiffins enjoys going potty in Austin’s shoes, crying, complaining, and playing Tea Party with Austin’s valuable objects. She is his mom’s favorite and always throws tantrums when she can’t eat Austin’s bunions.

AngusLegend has it that one day, Austin’s dad brought home a bull and said these words: “He’s your brother, son. So treat him like a brother.”

PetsAustin had two childhood pets; an Egg McMuffin he saved up his allowance to buy, and a mustache. He took them for walks daily until they caught his Bunionitis and died one day in September.

Austin’s FriendsAustin didn’t really have any friends due to his Bunionitis, but he got a pair of pants at Goodwill and named them Mr. Pants. Mr. Pants was Austin’s buddy until one day the family moved to Topeka, Kansas and Mr. Pants got left behind.

Austin’s HobbiesAustin’s hobbies include…

Picking his nose

Watching television

Goin’ fishin’ with his dad

Beating up bad guys

Bad guy

…and more!

HobbiesTo this day, Austin still enjoys all those hobbies.

AdulthoodAustin met a lovely lady named Becky. It was love at first sight.

Life with BeckyThe happy couple got married as soon as possible. They moved to a beautiful outhouse in the Nantucket countryside.

Life with BeckySoon Austin and Becky had their first child, Buttchin.

Buttchin

ChildrenOver the years, Austin and Becky had two more children: Bob and Fluffy.

Bob Fluffy

PetsBob really wanted a pet, so Becky adopted a stray Wolfin and named him Flippernugget.

FlippernuggetBut, unexpectedly, Flippernugget ran away one day. Bob was so sad that he moved to Alaskabamma. He was never seen again.

PetsAustin didn’t want that to happen again. So he bought Fluffy a pet dinosaur that was exported from Japan.

GregoryFluffy named her dinosaur Gregory. They played all day, every day.

FluffyWhen Fluffy was 17, she moved to Beverly Hills, where she got a job in the modeling business.

ButtchinAt age 25, Buttchin married a tire and went to work at a test dummy factory.

Life After Becky14 years after the two got married, Becky moved to Wippiskippi to work in a Barbie factory. Austin was heartbroken.

The Return of Mr. PantsSoon after Becky moved away, Mr. Pants walked by Austin’s beautiful outhouse. Mr. Pants was now an award-winning scientist. He made a time warp machine thingy and made Austin look like he’s 12 forever.

Austin’s Rise to FameAustin applied for a job at McJenny World, the world’s most overrated amusement park. Except he couldn’t read or do math, so he got rejected. So Austin went back to school.

Austin’s Rise to FameAs it turns out, Austin was and still is the only living person with Bunionitis. So everyone loved him.

Austin’s FamousAustin got so famous that some guy in China wrote a song about him.

Austin Song我认识一个人，橙色的头发蓬松I know a man with fluffy orange hair意大利面条一样的武器和拇趾外翻不遗余力Spaghetti-like arms and bunions to spare他来自查塔努加。He came from Chatanooga开始了生活作为一个泡菜Began life as a pickle是啊是啊是啊。Yeah yeah yeah.

Austin Song奥斯汀呀！Austin!姆囊炎疾病的人！The man with Bunionitis!

Austin’s RetirementWhen Austin was 345, he moved to the Olde Famouse Folkes Reste Homee.

Not Austin

But…But it was boring, because all anyone ever wanted to do was play Rippapapa*. So Austin broke out!

*Rippapapa is an old-timey game that is very boring, played by old-timey old people.

Life as a CriminalAustin ran into Slender and drew a face on him.

LOL

Life as a CriminalBut then people complained that Slender the game was boring. So the cops arrested Austin n’ stuff.

Life as a CriminalSince Austin was famous, he got all over the news.

Emerging from JailBut, since everyone loved Austin, a happy mob burst into jail and stole him.

Famous Once AgainOf course, this made him famous again. But Austin just moved back to his lovely outhouse in the country and ignored everyone.

Back to SchoolAustin was tired of this life. So he got most of his bunions surgically removed, cut his hair, and moved to Lincoln Park, Michigan.

A New LifeAustin went to school at Summit Academy, and he still goes there today.

Where are they now? Austin’s mom gives rides to little kids

at McJenny World.

Where are they now? Austin’s dad works at Country-Mart.

Where are they now? Miffins has her own TV show: Whiny

Time.

Where are they now? Angus lives in Ponyville, where he’s

friends with everypony.

Where are they now? Buttchin has designed 62 new types of

test dummies.

Where are they now? Bob presumably still lives in

Alakabamma, although he hasn’t been heard from.

Where are they now? Fluffy still lives happily with Gregory

and has had a successful modeling career so far.

Where are they now? Becky is happy with her job and she

still misses Austin.

The end!

Photo Credits

Some photos arefrom Google.They belong to their respective owners.Drawings are copyright Fluffy Llama Friends.