anything more than a kiss!! - partners of prisoners€¦ · anything more than a kiss!! diane curry...

www.partnersofprisoners.co.uk

@POPSFamilies Registered Charity: 1048152

Company Registration: 3067385

Anything more than a kiss!!

Diane Curry OBE POPS CEO




• POPS: who we are and what we do

• Provide direct support, with a variety of issues, to over 150,000 families per year.

• Very few, if any raise issues regarding difficulties maintaining sexual relationships, however nearly ALL talk about the difficulties in supporting a partner from an emotional, intimacy perspective.

Who we are and what we do




• Many families/partners raise the total inadequacy of the current visitation process in trying to maintain family and relationship ties.

• Crowded, noisy visits halls: void of any comfort; separated by low level tables: watched constantly by staff; in the gaze of other visitors: NOT conducive to engaging in any meaningful conversation about anything other than the weather.

The Status Quo




• POPS asked the families we work with to comment on conjugal visits

– Would they use them

– Do they see them as a valid part of rehabilitation and maintaining family ties.

• Survey monkey: 40 responses

• Small focus group: 6 family members

The Family Voice




• 88% respondents were female

• 65% currently visiting partner

in prison

• 95% visiting male prisoner

Findings




Describe intimacy

An expression of love between

two adults

Kiss, cuddles, sex

Time alone, to talk and to

touch

Anything more than a

kiss Sharing special

moments one to one, as you would

at home.

Being able to say private and personal things to each other

A connection between two

people




Describe intimacy

Not just a sexual act: I would just love

to lay down in his arms in private

Intimacy is what the heart feels and at the centre of that

heart is communication

Cuddles and deep meaningful talks that may lead to

other things if the mood is right

Sharing of emotional feelings from hand holding

to full sexual activity

Communication and being able

to communicate as you would at

home

Very close personal

relationship




• 88% of respondent said they miss intimate

times with their partner…

…but they wouldn’t want their intimate moments being watched by everybody else who is either on a visit or staff.

Do you miss intimate times with you partner?




Privacy: a place to relax, hold hands, cuddle act

out the normal intimate behaviours that are

different for different people

They cant!!

A visits area that you can be more “normal” ie: make a brew, sit on a couch like you do at

home.

More physical contact on visits, they take all this security stuff too

far. Why cant I sit next to him, kiss him and

just be close to him on a visit?

Just by being able to sit next to him rather than across

the table!!

How can current visiting arrangements help?




• YES but not necessarily for sex

• YES for cuddles and light intimacy

• NO I wouldn’t use the facility, I wouldn’t trust the staff

• YES I am desperately to be held and to feel like a woman again

• YES with the right environment and an overnight stay..I wouldn’t consider it for a two hour visit

Would you use a “conjugal visit”?




• YES just to talk about the issues we may have, to feel

close to him again, not about sex but if that happens then it happens

• YES if what happens in private remains just

that...private

• Very hard to answer, depends on the mood of both participants, and how private it was.

Cont:




• Non sexual crimes • Enhanced prisoners • Lifers/long sentences • 8yrs and over • Any consenting adult • No sex offenders • Have to prove the relationship is a longstanding one • It would be difficult to administer for everybody so certain criteria needs to be put in place: • Longer term prisoners and their intimate relationships spring to mind as a good

point to start (maybe pilot) • Assessment by need, good behaviour, part of a relationship course?

Should conjugal visits be available for all the prison population?

No Yes Unsure




• I would have ticked for a longer time but I am not sure how this would work in the prison

• Short visit too “clinical” – 24 hours including a “bedtime”

How long should a conjugal visit last

3-4 hours 12 hours 24 hours




• Probation/security checks (like lifer days now)

• Stable relationship where you can prove you have been visiting or living with them before sentence

• Full family check, searching before and after visit, family support available before and after the visit , prisoners to earn the privilege:

• An alarm/panic button

• None, he is my husband for goodness sake

• Contraception

• Relationship counsellors on hand if needed

• Maybe couples attend a workshop at the end of the process

What safeguards should be in place




• It is clear, conjugal visits not seen as just an opportunity to engage in sexual activity

• Most partners wanted some private space to express physical and emotional connection.

• COPING research findings

• How to offer prisoners and their families a chance to support their relationship?

• Wright 1997 – conjugal visits can be an asset to the CJS if used wisely and responsibly

Conclusion




• Pilot conjugal visits with longer term prisoners and their partners.

• Consider ‘extended family visits’. Not just a space for partners but also for other extended family.

• Consider piloting a family reunion programme. Promote family ties (e.g. Safeground’s family man course). Successful completion could lead to a 12/24 hour private family visit.

Conclusion cont.




• If prisoner passes risk assessment for conjugal visits why not utilise ROTL? Alleviates problem of administering conjugal visits (Cat D)

• Pilot a private/enhanced visit within the prison as part of the resettlement changes within the system. (Cat C Resettlement Prisons).Reduce numbers who abscond due to earlier work with family.

Conclusion cont.




• If we are serious about promoting family ties as a factor for desistance from further offending then it is only right that we offer more to families of offenders than we currently do at the moment.

• Piloting a private family visit scheme that doesn’t focus on sexual activity but on emotional communication, potentially attached to a supportive relationship programme is something that POPS families could see to be a valid and possible process that they could engage with.

Last word

anything more than a kiss!! - partners of prisoners€¦ · anything more than a kiss!! diane curry...

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