““And I’d Give It All Away And I’d Give It All Away Just So I Could Say ThatJust So I Could Say That

I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know You’re Gonna Be OK Anyway”: You’re Gonna Be OK Anyway”:

Reflections on Reflections on Siddhartha,Siddhartha, Part II Part II

FeracoFeraco

Search for Human PotentialSearch for Human Potential

8 October 20138 October 2013

Until I saw Chardin’s painting, I never Until I saw Chardin’s painting, I never realized how much beauty lay around me realized how much beauty lay around me in my parents’ house, in the half-cleared in my parents’ house, in the half-cleared table, in the corner of a tablecloth left table, in the corner of a tablecloth left awry, in the knife beside the empty oyster awry, in the knife beside the empty oyster shell. shell.

Marcel ProustMarcel Proust

The first forty years of life give us the text; The first forty years of life give us the text; the last thirty supply the commentary. the last thirty supply the commentary.

Arthur SchopenhauerArthur Schopenhauer

My mother said to me, “If you are a soldier, My mother said to me, “If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become Pope.” Instead I monk, you will become Pope.” Instead I became a painter, and became Picasso. became a painter, and became Picasso.

Pablo PicassoPablo Picasso

It’s not that easy to explain what It’s not that easy to explain what makes an excellent teacher; if it was, we makes an excellent teacher; if it was, we wouldn’t misfire on hires, and you guys wouldn’t misfire on hires, and you guys would have a lot less to do on Facebook would have a lot less to do on Facebook and Ratemyteachers.and Ratemyteachers.

Perfectly solid individuals, people Perfectly solid individuals, people with good skills and better intentions, with good skills and better intentions, don’t necessarily flourish when dropped in don’t necessarily flourish when dropped in a classroom filled with children, and it’s a classroom filled with children, and it’s hard to tell in advance who should and hard to tell in advance who should and shouldn’t teach.shouldn’t teach.

Similarly, someone who isn’t great at Similarly, someone who isn’t great at the job in the beginning may turn out just the job in the beginning may turn out just fine once they get their feet under them.fine once they get their feet under them.

(Basically, I’m glad I’m not the (Basically, I’m glad I’m not the administrators in charge of figuring out administrators in charge of figuring out who to stick in the classroom.)who to stick in the classroom.)

At the same time, I’m pretty sure I At the same time, I’m pretty sure I could get some very specific answers from could get some very specific answers from you if I asked “What are some qualities of you if I asked “What are some qualities of excellent teaching and teachers?” excellent teaching and teachers?”

It seems to be one of those things It seems to be one of those things that’s difficult to explain, but easy to that’s difficult to explain, but easy to recognize.recognize.

Perhaps you think good teachers pay Perhaps you think good teachers pay attention – to their content, to their attention – to their content, to their children, to the dynamics and makeup of children, to the dynamics and makeup of their classroom, to the little things.their classroom, to the little things.

Perhaps you think good teachers Perhaps you think good teachers make connections between topics, or make connections between topics, or make what you’re learning more make what you’re learning more interesting, or just make an effort.interesting, or just make an effort.

And the funny thing is that outside of And the funny thing is that outside of veryvery job-specific things (“knows the bell schedule,” job-specific things (“knows the bell schedule,” etc.), most of the things you’d praise in etc.), most of the things you’d praise in teachers are the very qualities we seek in teachers are the very qualities we seek in strong parents – and most of what you’d strong parents – and most of what you’d criticize with one is what you’d criticize with criticize with one is what you’d criticize with the other.the other.

Both occupy weirdly specific and limited Both occupy weirdly specific and limited positions of authority: They offer guidance and positions of authority: They offer guidance and experience, but neither can offer wisdom.experience, but neither can offer wisdom.

That doesn’t make their information That doesn’t make their information irrelevant; in fact, their information remains a irrelevant; in fact, their information remains a necessary evil (you need to be exposed to it necessary evil (you need to be exposed to it and learn it in order to place your individual and learn it in order to place your individual experiences in meaningful context).experiences in meaningful context).

And as it so happens, the best teachers in And as it so happens, the best teachers in Siddhartha aren’t the ones who try to force Siddhartha aren’t the ones who try to force others to change or follow.others to change or follow.

They’re the ones who give Siddhartha new They’re the ones who give Siddhartha new information, and who provide him with room to information, and who provide him with room to gain experience and learn from it, for better or gain experience and learn from it, for better or worse: the gentle Gotama, the wise Vasudeva, worse: the gentle Gotama, the wise Vasudeva, and the lovely Kamala.and the lovely Kamala.

While both Gotama and Vasudeva are While both Gotama and Vasudeva are bodhisattvas,bodhisattvas, the latter has a more profoundly the latter has a more profoundly positive impact on Siddhartha’s life.positive impact on Siddhartha’s life.

Gotama’s natural instinct is to teach, and Gotama’s natural instinct is to teach, and the people most drawn to him are the ones who the people most drawn to him are the ones who crave teachers; this craving, Siddhartha crave teachers; this craving, Siddhartha argues, will prevent them from ever achieving argues, will prevent them from ever achieving their goal.their goal.

Rather than try to guide Siddhartha through Rather than try to guide Siddhartha through explicit instructions or commandments, the explicit instructions or commandments, the ferryman Vasudeva merely provides him with a ferryman Vasudeva merely provides him with a space to explore and experience life in all its space to explore and experience life in all its forms.forms.

More importantly, Siddhartha badly needs More importantly, Siddhartha badly needs some of Vasudeva’s perspective; as an some of Vasudeva’s perspective; as an established figure with followers, Gotama established figure with followers, Gotama represents something a little more “normal” for represents something a little more “normal” for him.him.

But when Vasudeva gets all reflective (and But when Vasudeva gets all reflective (and figurative) – Yes…it is a very beautiful river. I figurative) – Yes…it is a very beautiful river. I love it above everything. I have often listened to love it above everything. I have often listened to it, gazed at it, and I have always learned it, gazed at it, and I have always learned something from it. One can learn much from a something from it. One can learn much from a river – we realize that a man in his position sees river – we realize that a man in his position sees the world, sees people from all walks of life…a the world, sees people from all walks of life…a direct contrast with the Siddhartha who leaves direct contrast with the Siddhartha who leaves his village and family behind.his village and family behind.

One is peaceful, kind, and curious towards One is peaceful, kind, and curious towards the rest of the world; the other rejects it, the rest of the world; the other rejects it, scornfully and ignorantly.scornfully and ignorantly.

During the time that Siddhartha spends living During the time that Siddhartha spends living with him, Vasudeva occasionally offers up some with him, Vasudeva occasionally offers up some advice, but doesn’t mind that his younger advice, but doesn’t mind that his younger companion won’t follow it.companion won’t follow it.

He knows Siddhartha will mess up badly, and He knows Siddhartha will mess up badly, and he’s OK with that for two reasons.he’s OK with that for two reasons.

Firstly, experience makes things “realer” – Firstly, experience makes things “realer” – more meaningful to the person. (Flashlight more meaningful to the person. (Flashlight principle…)principle…)

Secondly, one has to have a range of Secondly, one has to have a range of experiences – good, bad, and everything in experiences – good, bad, and everything in between – in order to truly live; you can’t between – in order to truly live; you can’t understand everything when you only stand on one understand everything when you only stand on one side of life’s spectrum.side of life’s spectrum.

At some point, teaching becomes a way of At some point, teaching becomes a way of sheltering others – of preventing mistakes that sheltering others – of preventing mistakes that would occur otherwise.would occur otherwise.

Sheltering doesn’t work; it only serves to Sheltering doesn’t work; it only serves to fight against the Universal Truths. (The Brahmin fight against the Universal Truths. (The Brahmin tried sheltering Siddhartha, and how well did that tried sheltering Siddhartha, and how well did that work? For that matter, Govinda does it to himself!)work? For that matter, Govinda does it to himself!)

It’s therefore necessary for Siddhartha to strike It’s therefore necessary for Siddhartha to strike off on his own; the epiphany he reaches in “Awakening” off on his own; the epiphany he reaches in “Awakening” is, in one sense, inevitable.is, in one sense, inevitable.

Still, Siddhartha is impressed by Gotama during Still, Siddhartha is impressed by Gotama during their initial encounter. their initial encounter.

It’s the first time he’s met a man who’s achieved It’s the first time he’s met a man who’s achieved what what hehe aims to achieve. aims to achieve.

Remember, it’s not that he doesn’t believe in what Remember, it’s not that he doesn’t believe in what Gotama says – he does, at least to an extent; Siddhartha Gotama says – he does, at least to an extent; Siddhartha believes that no doctrine can exceed Gotama’s.believes that no doctrine can exceed Gotama’s.

But he protests that his counterpart cannot But he protests that his counterpart cannot possibly transfer the understanding he reached under possibly transfer the understanding he reached under the bo tree (the “secret of what the Illustrious One the bo tree (the “secret of what the Illustrious One himself experienced – he alone among hundreds of himself experienced – he alone among hundreds of thousands”).thousands”).

Since Gotama’s teachings proved insufficient for Since Gotama’s teachings proved insufficient for him, it stands to reason that “no other teachings will him, it stands to reason that “no other teachings will attract [him], since this man’s teachings have not done attract [him], since this man’s teachings have not done so.”so.”

When Govinda chooses to follow the When Govinda chooses to follow the Buddha, he renounces human connections.Buddha, he renounces human connections.

This is something Gotama preaches, This is something Gotama preaches, and something Siddhartha insists at the and something Siddhartha insists at the end of the book is inconsistent with how end of the book is inconsistent with how the Buddha lives his life.the Buddha lives his life.

What interests me is that Govinda What interests me is that Govinda doesn’t realize that he’s doing so, nor that doesn’t realize that he’s doing so, nor that his decision will cost him his companion.his decision will cost him his companion.

But that’s partly a reflection of But that’s partly a reflection of Govinda’s approach: follow others in search Govinda’s approach: follow others in search of understanding without bothering to of understanding without bothering to check for understanding first.check for understanding first.

In fact, Govinda prefers to follow others until In fact, Govinda prefers to follow others until someone/something else convinces him to follow it someone/something else convinces him to follow it instead.instead.

Had he considered his decision more carefully, not Had he considered his decision more carefully, not only would he have realized the cost of his choice, but only would he have realized the cost of his choice, but he’d have heard Gotama say something significant: he’d have heard Gotama say something significant: The The teaching which you have heard, however, is not my teaching which you have heard, however, is not my opinion, and its goal is not to explain the world to those opinion, and its goal is not to explain the world to those who are thirsty for knowledge.who are thirsty for knowledge.

Now, there’s nothing remarkable or odd about Now, there’s nothing remarkable or odd about Govinda’s approach.Govinda’s approach.

Indeed, it’s how most people approach their lives – Indeed, it’s how most people approach their lives – which, in this allegorical and universal novel, was the which, in this allegorical and universal novel, was the reason Hesse portrayed the character this way.reason Hesse portrayed the character this way.

However, such an approach ultimately won’t work However, such an approach ultimately won’t work for him, nor does it for Siddhartha.for him, nor does it for Siddhartha.

Notice that Govinda does make decisions; it’s just Notice that Govinda does make decisions; it’s just that his decisions somehow make him more passive that his decisions somehow make him more passive rather than active.rather than active.

He is, as Siddhartha describes him, an excellent He is, as Siddhartha describes him, an excellent shadow for greater men; he just lacks cleverness, or shadow for greater men; he just lacks cleverness, or wisdom, of his own.wisdom, of his own.

Cleverness implies intelligence for Cleverness implies intelligence for gain, particularly immediate gain: You’re gain, particularly immediate gain: You’re clever when you can trick someone into clever when you can trick someone into doing your bidding, for example, or puzzle doing your bidding, for example, or puzzle your way out of a difficult situation.your way out of a difficult situation.

Connotatively, wisdom is more placid, Connotatively, wisdom is more placid, peaceful, and unfocused on gain – it’s peaceful, and unfocused on gain – it’s meant to be shared (if not transferred…if meant to be shared (if not transferred…if that makes any sense).that makes any sense).

It requires a wide, long-term, all-It requires a wide, long-term, all-encompassing perspective here.encompassing perspective here.

The Buddha warns Siddhartha to “be The Buddha warns Siddhartha to “be on…guard against too much cleverness,” on…guard against too much cleverness,” but Siddhartha doesn’t heed his advice: but Siddhartha doesn’t heed his advice: His view of the people is the town bears His view of the people is the town bears the mark of a man who considers himself the mark of a man who considers himself cleverer, if not wiser, than all others.cleverer, if not wiser, than all others.

Thus Siddhartha leaves the Jetavana grove Thus Siddhartha leaves the Jetavana grove (a special sort of mini-forest, a cultivated (a special sort of mini-forest, a cultivated wilderness), initially intending to head back to wilderness), initially intending to head back to the forest, only to realize mid-chapter that he the forest, only to realize mid-chapter that he cannot go home.cannot go home.

He is no longer the person he was when he He is no longer the person he was when he left, and nothing waits for him at the other end left, and nothing waits for him at the other end of that path.of that path.

Indeed, Siddhartha realizes that “he [is] no Indeed, Siddhartha realizes that “he [is] no longer a youth; he [is] a man. He realize[s] that longer a youth; he [is] a man. He realize[s] that something ha[s] left him, like the old skin that a something ha[s] left him, like the old skin that a snake sheds. Something [is] no longer in him, snake sheds. Something [is] no longer in him, something that had accompanied him right something that had accompanied him right through his youth and was part of him: this was through his youth and was part of him: this was the desire to have teachers and to listen to their the desire to have teachers and to listen to their teachings.”teachings.”

Next, he decides, “I am no longer what I Next, he decides, “I am no longer what I was, I am no longer an ascetic, no longer a was, I am no longer an ascetic, no longer a priest, no longer a Brahmin. What then shall I do priest, no longer a Brahmin. What then shall I do at home with my father? Study? Offer sacrifices? at home with my father? Study? Offer sacrifices? Practice meditation? All this is over for me now.”Practice meditation? All this is over for me now.”

He realizes that his attempts to He realizes that his attempts to destroy the Self stemmed from his destroy the Self stemmed from his fear and misunderstanding of it, and fear and misunderstanding of it, and that said attempts had left him that said attempts had left him further from enlightenment rather further from enlightenment rather than closer.than closer.

He decides that he is separate He decides that he is separate and different from everyone else, and different from everyone else, and that he must no longer try to and that he must no longer try to escape from himself.escape from himself.

Intending to learn how to Intending to learn how to understand himself better, he understand himself better, he decides to leave the natural/semi-decides to leave the natural/semi-cultivated world behind in favor of cultivated world behind in favor of something new – which, as it so something new – which, as it so happens, is the town across the happens, is the town across the river.river.

He heads there with new purpose, marveling at He heads there with new purpose, marveling at the sight of the very things which had always lain the sight of the very things which had always lain within his vision yet never been seen for what they within his vision yet never been seen for what they were.were.

He resolves to see the beauty in things, and to He resolves to see the beauty in things, and to gain experience for himself; now that he has forsaken gain experience for himself; now that he has forsaken teachings, it’s the only kind of educator he can teachings, it’s the only kind of educator he can tolerate.tolerate.

As he thinks to himself: “Both thought and As he thinks to himself: “Both thought and senses were fine things, behind both of them lay senses were fine things, behind both of them lay hidden the last meaning; it was worthwhile listening hidden the last meaning; it was worthwhile listening to them both, to play with both, neither to despise to them both, to play with both, neither to despise nor overrate either of them, but to listen intently to nor overrate either of them, but to listen intently to both voices. He would only strive after whatever the both voices. He would only strive after whatever the inward voice commanded him, not tarry anywhere but inward voice commanded him, not tarry anywhere but where the voice advised him…To obey no other where the voice advised him…To obey no other external command, only the voice, to be prepared – external command, only the voice, to be prepared – that was good, that was necessary. Nothing else was that was good, that was necessary. Nothing else was necessary.”necessary.”

Be careful! To follow the inner voice is good…as Be careful! To follow the inner voice is good…as long as your inner voice doesn’t betray you. long as your inner voice doesn’t betray you. (Siddhartha’s has been good to him…for now.)(Siddhartha’s has been good to him…for now.)

While it occurs during one of the most While it occurs during one of the most awkwardly written sex scenes ever awkwardly written sex scenes ever committed to print – and the fact that it’s committed to print – and the fact that it’s being translated from another language being translated from another language surely doesn’t help – notice that surely doesn’t help – notice that Siddhartha controls himself when he Siddhartha controls himself when he meets the River Girl.meets the River Girl.

If Kamala symbolizes desire and If Kamala symbolizes desire and passion, she does so while mixed with passion, she does so while mixed with intelligence.intelligence.

The River Girl, on the other hand, The River Girl, on the other hand, represents wanton lust – unfocused fire represents wanton lust – unfocused fire that’s only enjoyable in the here and now, that’s only enjoyable in the here and now, the ultimate form of suffering-causing the ultimate form of suffering-causing desire.desire.

One cannot live as children do and One cannot live as children do and hope to reach enlightenment; one cannot hope to reach enlightenment; one cannot follow one’s impulses blindly and not be follow one’s impulses blindly and not be blinded by them.blinded by them.

Thus Siddhartha sizes up the River Girl and Thus Siddhartha sizes up the River Girl and quickly casts her aside, choosing to pursue quickly casts her aside, choosing to pursue Kamala instead; he can resist desire, but decides Kamala instead; he can resist desire, but decides to become its student instead. to become its student instead. Whether Whether this is ultimately a mistake is something you can this is ultimately a mistake is something you can consider while writing your lecture!consider while writing your lecture!

Now, Kamala isn’t a prostitute – really, Now, Kamala isn’t a prostitute – really, there’s nothing in Western culture that’s there’s nothing in Western culture that’s analogous to the powerful, respected role she analogous to the powerful, respected role she plays here – but she represents a central plays here – but she represents a central problem: the conflation of desire with love.problem: the conflation of desire with love.

Desire is one of love’s components, but it’s Desire is one of love’s components, but it’s not an adequate substitute, even the adult not an adequate substitute, even the adult version of desire and passion that Kamala version of desire and passion that Kamala embodies: Controlled, thoughtful, studied, and embodies: Controlled, thoughtful, studied, and technical.technical.

Kamala herself bears this out, as she forms Kamala herself bears this out, as she forms an emotional bond with Siddhartha (albeit one an emotional bond with Siddhartha (albeit one that’s insufficiently reciprocated); when it stops that’s insufficiently reciprocated); when it stops being a game, the consequences matter far more being a game, the consequences matter far more than she anticipates.than she anticipates.

Kamala’s also noteworthy Kamala’s also noteworthy because she essentially goes toe-to-because she essentially goes toe-to-toe with Siddhartha in their initial toe with Siddhartha in their initial conversation.conversation.

Very Very few have ever carried few have ever carried themselves as Siddhartha’s equal, themselves as Siddhartha’s equal, and this boldness piques his interest.and this boldness piques his interest.

Soon, he’s messing with his Soon, he’s messing with his identity Star Point while trying to identity Star Point while trying to impress her – his hair, his clothes, etc. impress her – his hair, his clothes, etc. – and she’s intrigued not just by his – and she’s intrigued not just by his pursuit’s single-mindedness, but also pursuit’s single-mindedness, but also by his ability to read and write by his ability to read and write (marketable skills in the town, and (marketable skills in the town, and something very important – we’ll something very important – we’ll cover this again shortly).cover this again shortly).

Success is within Siddhartha’s Success is within Siddhartha’s grasp, as shown by the kiss Kamala grasp, as shown by the kiss Kamala gives him.gives him.

Now he just needs to take it, and Now he just needs to take it, and he tells her he intends to in his “stone he tells her he intends to in his “stone through the water” speech I quoted in through the water” speech I quoted in Will the Future Blame Us?;Will the Future Blame Us?; he’s he’s essentially made his own luck thus far essentially made his own luck thus far because he knows how to “think, wait, because he knows how to “think, wait, and fast.”and fast.”

These are, of course, the three These are, of course, the three skills he’ll forget by the time he skills he’ll forget by the time he reaches middle age (the “Samsara” reaches middle age (the “Samsara” chapter).chapter).

But there’s more to the kiss than But there’s more to the kiss than meets the eye: Kamala transmits meets the eye: Kamala transmits pleasure with it, but not love.pleasure with it, but not love.

Her kiss, like Siddhartha’s name, is Her kiss, like Siddhartha’s name, is an incomplete thing.an incomplete thing.

As Kamala says, her kiss is “the As Kamala says, her kiss is “the reason [she is] not lacking in clothes, reason [she is] not lacking in clothes, shoes, bangles, and other pretty shoes, bangles, and other pretty things”: she’s mastered one aspect of things”: she’s mastered one aspect of the material world, and in return she’s the material world, and in return she’s been granted access to the rest of it.been granted access to the rest of it.

It’s the immaterial world that poses It’s the immaterial world that poses the challenge – a challenge that Kamala the challenge – a challenge that Kamala ultimately proves she isn’t ready to ultimately proves she isn’t ready to handle.handle.

Right now, Siddhartha just needs to Right now, Siddhartha just needs to master the material world to win her heart master the material world to win her heart – and for that, he’ll have Kamaswami: – and for that, he’ll have Kamaswami: “Soon I will be a merchant and have “Soon I will be a merchant and have money and all those things which you money and all those things which you value…May my glance always please you, value…May my glance always please you, may good fortune always come to me from may good fortune always come to me from you!”you!”

Then there’s the Govinda dream – one Then there’s the Govinda dream – one of the odder parts of the text, but just a of the odder parts of the text, but just a way of marking the way that everything way of marking the way that everything Siddhartha has ever known has already Siddhartha has ever known has already subtly begun changing.subtly begun changing.

He’s no longer as opposed to the He’s no longer as opposed to the sensory world (maya! desire!) as he once sensory world (maya! desire!) as he once was.was.

Note again that he’s still in control – Note again that he’s still in control – he’s a long way from losing himself in he’s a long way from losing himself in these things.these things.

Here, as elsewhere, there’s a rudimentary Here, as elsewhere, there’s a rudimentary recognition of the interconnectedness of recognition of the interconnectedness of everything – “it tasted of woman and man, of everything – “it tasted of woman and man, of sun and forest, of animal and flower, of every sun and forest, of animal and flower, of every fruit, of every pleasure.fruit, of every pleasure.

As for why it’s Govinda in the dream As for why it’s Govinda in the dream (besides the fact that he’s the most powerful (besides the fact that he’s the most powerful figure in Siddhartha’s life), there’s a figure in Siddhartha’s life), there’s a foreshadowing justification.foreshadowing justification.

Siddhartha will “nurse” Govinda’s quest Siddhartha will “nurse” Govinda’s quest for enlightenment someday, just as Govinda for enlightenment someday, just as Govinda will “midwife” his rebirth in “By the River.”will “midwife” his rebirth in “By the River.”

Govinda comes back, over and over again; Govinda comes back, over and over again; Vasudeva references the cycle motif explicitly Vasudeva references the cycle motif explicitly when he tells Siddhartha that he can learn when he tells Siddhartha that he can learn everything by studying the river – and that everything by studying the river – and that “everything comes back. You, too, will come “everything comes back. You, too, will come back.”back.”

Siddhartha fundamentally misjudges Siddhartha fundamentally misjudges Vasudeva when he compares him to Vasudeva when he compares him to Govinda, and in turn all of the others: “All Govinda, and in turn all of the others: “All are subservient, all wish to be my friend, are subservient, all wish to be my friend, to obey and to think little. People are to obey and to think little. People are children.”children.”

It’s one of the most egregious It’s one of the most egregious misreads he could have possibly made, misreads he could have possibly made, and it conveniently indicates just how and it conveniently indicates just how little Siddhartha really understands at this little Siddhartha really understands at this point of his life…which is fine. (Progress point of his life…which is fine. (Progress awaits!)awaits!)

But it’s also why “Amongst the But it’s also why “Amongst the People” is ironically named: Siddhartha is People” is ironically named: Siddhartha is among them, but he never allows himself among them, but he never allows himself to be part of them (even as he to be part of them (even as he increasingly becomes one of them, he increasingly becomes one of them, he remains steadfastly in denial).remains steadfastly in denial).

The chapter begins with a description The chapter begins with a description of Kamaswami that fits well with what of Kamaswami that fits well with what Kamala has said about him: he’s the Kamala has said about him: he’s the picture of decaying wealth, graying hair picture of decaying wealth, graying hair paired with clever eyes.paired with clever eyes.

He’s confused by Siddhartha’s He’s confused by Siddhartha’s statement about not being in need; as a statement about not being in need; as a creature of desire, Kamaswami literally creature of desire, Kamaswami literally cannot comprehend such a thing.cannot comprehend such a thing.

““How will you live if you are without How will you live if you are without possessions?”possessions?”

This gives Kamaswami and This gives Kamaswami and Siddhartha the chance to learn about one Siddhartha the chance to learn about one another via a dialogue about the giving another via a dialogue about the giving and taking that’s omnipresent in human and taking that’s omnipresent in human life.life.

Once again, Kamaswami cannot Once again, Kamaswami cannot understand how Siddhartha lives as he does, understand how Siddhartha lives as he does, for he doesn’t believe Siddhartha has for he doesn’t believe Siddhartha has anything to offer if he can only use his skills anything to offer if he can only use his skills (rather than possessions) in an exchange. (rather than possessions) in an exchange.

The language of exchange is really the The language of exchange is really the only language Kamaswami speaks.only language Kamaswami speaks.

Once Siddhartha convinces him that his Once Siddhartha convinces him that his skills are useful in an exchange, Kamaswami skills are useful in an exchange, Kamaswami respects him – particularly once he learns respects him – particularly once he learns Siddhartha can write.Siddhartha can write.

Both Both whatwhat Siddhartha writes and Siddhartha writes and thatthat Siddhartha writes prove important.Siddhartha writes prove important.

His saying – “Writing is good, thinking is His saying – “Writing is good, thinking is better. Cleverness is good, patience is better. Cleverness is good, patience is better” – has poignancy when we consider better” – has poignancy when we consider where he ends up, trapped by his own where he ends up, trapped by his own “cleverness” and attention to the bottom “cleverness” and attention to the bottom line.line.

Moreover, the fact that Moreover, the fact that Siddhartha can read, write, and Siddhartha can read, write, and speak is very noteworthy.speak is very noteworthy.

Once we acquire language, we Once we acquire language, we lose the ability to think without lose the ability to think without words – to come up with thoughts words – to come up with thoughts that no words can describe.that no words can describe.

Indeed, our thoughts express Indeed, our thoughts express themselves in sensory terms.themselves in sensory terms.

Thus our thoughts become part Thus our thoughts become part of our reality, and our command of of our reality, and our command of language therefore dictates the language therefore dictates the depth of the reality we perceive depth of the reality we perceive (maya!).(maya!).

Kamala’s reality is therefore Kamala’s reality is therefore incomplete – she cannot read or incomplete – she cannot read or write, and by lacking language, she write, and by lacking language, she lacks connection to the world…she lacks connection to the world…she lacks reality.lacks reality.

The less you understand about The less you understand about the veil, the harder it proves to the veil, the harder it proves to pierce.pierce.

This is why Siddhartha chooses This is why Siddhartha chooses to study the Self rather than hide to study the Self rather than hide from it, and why our bodhisattvas from it, and why our bodhisattvas finally reach enlightenment.finally reach enlightenment.

Once Siddhartha is accepted into Once Siddhartha is accepted into Kamaswami’s service, he retains some of Kamaswami’s service, he retains some of his old habits; he doesn’t become entirely his old habits; he doesn’t become entirely like the man for another chapter/decade like the man for another chapter/decade or so: “Kamaswami conducted his or so: “Kamaswami conducted his business with care and often with passion, business with care and often with passion, but Siddhartha regarded it all as a game, but Siddhartha regarded it all as a game, the rules of which he endeavored to learn the rules of which he endeavored to learn well, but did not stir his heart.”well, but did not stir his heart.”

His approach to business frustrates His approach to business frustrates and even infuriates the old merchant, for and even infuriates the old merchant, for the younger man’s lackadaisical approach the younger man’s lackadaisical approach to profit and loss increases the elder to profit and loss increases the elder man’s risk. (Quit messing with my coin!)man’s risk. (Quit messing with my coin!)

Siddhartha, on the other hand, seems Siddhartha, on the other hand, seems interested in making human connections – a noble interested in making human connections – a noble (and, for Kamaswami, novel) sentiment, but one we (and, for Kamaswami, novel) sentiment, but one we quickly see isn’t entirely accurate.quickly see isn’t entirely accurate.

““Siddhartha’s sympathy and curiosity lay only Siddhartha’s sympathy and curiosity lay only with people, whose work, troubles, pleasures, and with people, whose work, troubles, pleasures, and follies were more unknown and remote from him than follies were more unknown and remote from him than the moon. Although he found it so easy to speak to the moon. Although he found it so easy to speak to everyone, to live with everyone, to learn from everyone, to live with everyone, to learn from everyone, he was very conscious of the fact that there everyone, he was very conscious of the fact that there was something which separated him from them…”was something which separated him from them…”

However, he increasingly devotes himself to However, he increasingly devotes himself to Kamala, which is in keeping with his Kamala, which is in keeping with his single-minded/obsessive approach to his pursuits; he single-minded/obsessive approach to his pursuits; he even convinces himself that Kamala understands him even convinces himself that Kamala understands him better than Govinda did.better than Govinda did.

““He spent wonderful hours with the clever, He spent wonderful hours with the clever, beautiful courtesan and became her pupil, her lover, beautiful courtesan and became her pupil, her lover, her friend. Here with Kamala lay the value and her friend. Here with Kamala lay the value and meaning of his present life, not in Kamaswami’s meaning of his present life, not in Kamaswami’s business.”business.”

In other words, the embodiment of desire In other words, the embodiment of desire understands him better than the searcher.understands him better than the searcher.

His conversation with her about His conversation with her about leaves and stars is sad, in a way.leaves and stars is sad, in a way.

Even though Hesse only says it Even though Hesse only says it outright at the end, the tone of outright at the end, the tone of Siddhartha’s dialogue is weary and Siddhartha’s dialogue is weary and regretful, the pitch of a man who regretful, the pitch of a man who knows he’s letting his life slip away knows he’s letting his life slip away yet refuses to stop it.yet refuses to stop it.

The seeds of Siddhartha’s fall The seeds of Siddhartha’s fall are sown here:are sown here:

……He occupied his thoughts with all this game and the He occupied his thoughts with all this game and the passion with which all men play it, as much as he passion with which all men play it, as much as he had previously occupied his thoughts with the gods had previously occupied his thoughts with the gods and Brahman. At times he heard within him a soft, and Brahman. At times he heard within him a soft, gentle voice, which reminded him quietly, gentle voice, which reminded him quietly, complained quietly, so that he could hardly hear it. complained quietly, so that he could hardly hear it. Then he suddenly saw clearly that he was leading a Then he suddenly saw clearly that he was leading a strange life, that he was doing many thing that strange life, that he was doing many thing that were only a game, that he was quite cheerful and were only a game, that he was quite cheerful and sometimes experienced pleasure, but that real life sometimes experienced pleasure, but that real life was flowing past him and did not touch him. Like a was flowing past him and did not touch him. Like a player who plays with his ball, he played with his player who plays with his ball, he played with his business, with the people around him, watched business, with the people around him, watched them, derived amusement from them; but with his them, derived amusement from them; but with his heart, with his real nature, he was not there. His heart, with his real nature, he was not there. His real self wandered elsewhere, far away, wandered real self wandered elsewhere, far away, wandered on and on invisibly and had nothing to do with his on and on invisibly and had nothing to do with his life. He was sometimes afraid of these thoughts life. He was sometimes afraid of these thoughts and wished that he could also share their childish and wished that he could also share their childish daily affairs with intensity, truly to take part in daily affairs with intensity, truly to take part in them, to enjoy and live their lives instead of only them, to enjoy and live their lives instead of only being there as an onlooker.being there as an onlooker.

There’s a reason he ends the There’s a reason he ends the chapter by confessing he cannot chapter by confessing he cannot love: “Ordinary people can – that love: “Ordinary people can – that is their secret.”is their secret.”

Rather than becoming Rather than becoming extraordinary, Siddhartha finds extraordinary, Siddhartha finds himself envious of the himself envious of the aggressively ordinary.aggressively ordinary.

And thus we hit the book’s And thus we hit the book’s midpoint, standing at the midpoint, standing at the precipice of something more…precipice of something more…

At times he heard within him a soft, gentle voice, At times he heard within him a soft, gentle voice, which reminded him quietly, complained quietly, which reminded him quietly, complained quietly, so that he could hardly hear it. Then he suddenly so that he could hardly hear it. Then he suddenly saw clearly that he was leading a strange life, saw clearly that he was leading a strange life, that he was doing many things that were only a that he was doing many things that were only a game, that he was quite cheerful and sometimes game, that he was quite cheerful and sometimes experienced pleasure, but that real life was experienced pleasure, but that real life was flowing past him and did not touch him. Like a flowing past him and did not touch him. Like a player who plays with his ball, he played with his player who plays with his ball, he played with his business, with the people around him, watched business, with the people around him, watched them, derived amusement from them; but with them, derived amusement from them; but with his heart, with his real nature, he was not there. his heart, with his real nature, he was not there. His real self wandered elsewhere, far away, His real self wandered elsewhere, far away, wandered on and on invisibly and had nothing to wandered on and on invisibly and had nothing to do with his life. He was sometimes afraid of do with his life. He was sometimes afraid of these thoughts and wished that he could also these thoughts and wished that he could also share their childish daily affairs with intensity, share their childish daily affairs with intensity, truly to take part in them, to enjoy and live their truly to take part in them, to enjoy and live their lives instead of only being there as an onlooker.lives instead of only being there as an onlooker.

You are like me; you are You are like me; you are different from other people. You different from other people. You are Kamala and no one else, and are Kamala and no one else, and within you there is a stillness within you there is a stillness and sanctuary to which you can and sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be retreat at any time and be yourself, just as I can. Few yourself, just as I can. Few people have that capacity and people have that capacity and yet everyone could have it.yet everyone could have it.

Not all people are clever.Not all people are clever.

Most people, Kamala, are like a falling leaf Most people, Kamala, are like a falling leaf that drifts and turns in the air, flutters, that drifts and turns in the air, flutters, and falls to the ground. But a few others and falls to the ground. But a few others are like stars which travel one defined are like stars which travel one defined path: no wind reaches them, they have path: no wind reaches them, they have within themselves their guide and path. within themselves their guide and path. Among all the wise men, of whom I knew Among all the wise men, of whom I knew many, there was one who was perfect in many, there was one who was perfect in this respect. I can never forget him. He is this respect. I can never forget him. He is Gotama, the Illustrious One, who preaches Gotama, the Illustrious One, who preaches this gospel. Thousands of young men hear this gospel. Thousands of young men hear his teachings every day and follow his his teachings every day and follow his instructions every hour, but they are all instructions every hour, but they are all falling leaves; they have not the wisdom falling leaves; they have not the wisdom and guide within themselves.and guide within themselves.

You are the best lover that I have had. You are the best lover that I have had. You are stronger than others, more You are stronger than others, more supple, more willing. You have supple, more willing. You have learned my art well, Siddhartha. learned my art well, Siddhartha. Some day, when I am older, I will Some day, when I am older, I will have a child by you. And yet, my have a child by you. And yet, my dear, you have remained a Samana. dear, you have remained a Samana. You do not really love me – you love You do not really love me – you love nobody. Is that not true?nobody. Is that not true?

Maybe. I am like you. You cannot love Maybe. I am like you. You cannot love either, otherwise how could you either, otherwise how could you practice love as an art? Perhaps practice love as an art? Perhaps people like us cannot love. Ordinary people like us cannot love. Ordinary people can – that is their secret.people can – that is their secret.

In “Samsara,” everything falls apart: the In “Samsara,” everything falls apart: the center cannot hold.center cannot hold.

Everyone has grown miserable, shallow, and Everyone has grown miserable, shallow, and exhausted by the book’s midpoint.exhausted by the book’s midpoint.

The years pass without Siddhartha noticing The years pass without Siddhartha noticing (Kierkegaard!!!), his senses and perceptions (Kierkegaard!!!), his senses and perceptions grow muted, and he lacks real human grow muted, and he lacks real human connections: Kamala is his only friend, and even connections: Kamala is his only friend, and even that’s grown complicated and tiring.that’s grown complicated and tiring.

He remembers some of what he learned as a He remembers some of what he learned as a youth, but much of it has fallen away, much as an youth, but much of it has fallen away, much as an abandoned bicycle rusts past the point of abandoned bicycle rusts past the point of usefulness.usefulness.

Decades have passed since his Decades have passed since his “awakening,” and he’s made no progress in “awakening,” and he’s made no progress in virtually every way that matters.virtually every way that matters.

He’s now learned the ways of the world, a He’s now learned the ways of the world, a world he never had to grapple with while living in world he never had to grapple with while living in his forest village.his forest village.

Hesse hammers Siddhartha’s decline Hesse hammers Siddhartha’s decline home with blunt, brutal efficiency.home with blunt, brutal efficiency.

Whereas “Amongst the People” Whereas “Amongst the People” merely hinted that Siddhartha had lost his merely hinted that Siddhartha had lost his way, “Samsara” shows just how way, “Samsara” shows just how meaningless his existence has become.meaningless his existence has become.

Siddhartha’s soul grows weary and Siddhartha’s soul grows weary and numb, while his senses drive and numb, while his senses drive and dominate his actions.dominate his actions.

He’s addicted to vice, burdened by He’s addicted to vice, burdened by things that don’t even interest him.things that don’t even interest him.

The dice games he plays merely The dice games he plays merely reflect the attitudes of a man who treated reflect the attitudes of a man who treated life itself as a game for too long, holding life itself as a game for too long, holding himself apart from everyone in that life himself apart from everyone in that life until he found himself removed from until he found himself removed from everything in it.everything in it.

He’s silenced his inner voice, he veers He’s silenced his inner voice, he veers between feeling sick and feeling nothing between feeling sick and feeling nothing with little adrenal spikes in between – “his with little adrenal spikes in between – “his heart full of misery and secret fear” – and heart full of misery and secret fear” – and he’s no longer kind to strangers, no longer he’s no longer kind to strangers, no longer willing to reflect on himself…nothing works. willing to reflect on himself…nothing works.

He’s not trying to pierce the veil; how He’s not trying to pierce the veil; how can he when he’s scared to look in the can he when he’s scared to look in the mirror?mirror?

He still clings to the last vestiges of his He still clings to the last vestiges of his old life.old life.

His misplaced sense of superiority, his His misplaced sense of superiority, his disdain for possessions – that’s what he’s disdain for possessions – that’s what he’s kept.kept.

But he’s thoroughly disgusted with But he’s thoroughly disgusted with himself, wishing he could purge himself and himself, wishing he could purge himself and completely clueless as to how he can.completely clueless as to how he can.

When the Songbird Dream happens, When the Songbird Dream happens, Siddhartha’s “misery and secret fear” – that he’s Siddhartha’s “misery and secret fear” – that he’s wasted a shot at a brilliant existence – has a wasted a shot at a brilliant existence – has a metaphorical outlet.metaphorical outlet.

Siddhartha’s potential, the best part of his Siddhartha’s potential, the best part of his soul, has been snuffed out; just as the little soul, has been snuffed out; just as the little golden bird lies dead in its cage, Siddhartha’s golden bird lies dead in its cage, Siddhartha’s blackened heart lies, choked out and still, within blackened heart lies, choked out and still, within his ribcage.his ribcage.

When had he really been happy? When had When had he really been happy? When had he really experienced joy?...He had felt in his he really experienced joy?...He had felt in his heart: “A path lies before you which you are heart: “A path lies before you which you are called to follow.”…How long was it now since he called to follow.”…How long was it now since he had heard this voice, since he had soared to any had heard this voice, since he had soared to any heights? How flat and desolate his path had heights? How flat and desolate his path had been! How many long years he had spent without been! How many long years he had spent without any lofty goal, without any thirst, without any any lofty goal, without any thirst, without any exaltation, content with small pleasures and yet exaltation, content with small pleasures and yet never really satisfied!never really satisfied!

He feels himself die in this moment, the He feels himself die in this moment, the moment he realizes that he and Kamala are simply moment he realizes that he and Kamala are simply clinging to each other as they plummet towards the clinging to each other as they plummet towards the bottom.bottom.

He sits under his tree, as Gotama once did, He sits under his tree, as Gotama once did, and rather than reach enlightenment, Siddhartha and rather than reach enlightenment, Siddhartha simply gives up and leaves.simply gives up and leaves.

When he does, Kamala does not follow him; When he does, Kamala does not follow him; she understands that he never cared for her the she understands that he never cared for her the way she cared for him, and that image of her way she cared for him, and that image of her clutching him during their final encounter is almost clutching him during their final encounter is almost unbearably sad.unbearably sad.

That’s the most incredible thing about this That’s the most incredible thing about this chapter: it makes you feel completely lonely and chapter: it makes you feel completely lonely and miserable.miserable.

It makes you want to go find someone and It makes you want to go find someone and hug them!hug them!

It’s a structural trick that reinforces one of It’s a structural trick that reinforces one of Hesse’s pet themes: we all need someone, for a life Hesse’s pet themes: we all need someone, for a life without connection is one that’s untethered from without connection is one that’s untethered from the larger world and universe.the larger world and universe.

Kamala will eventually follow up Kamala will eventually follow up on her stated desire to follow on her stated desire to follow Gotama, but it will cost her dearly.Gotama, but it will cost her dearly.

Kamala tends to get the short Kamala tends to get the short shrift from a lot of readers, but she’s shrift from a lot of readers, but she’s one of my favorite characters.one of my favorite characters.

True, she’s trapped by who she True, she’s trapped by who she is, but her eyes are straining is, but her eyes are straining towards what she wants to become, towards what she wants to become, and I have a soft spot for people who and I have a soft spot for people who yearn to be something more than yearn to be something more than they already are.they already are.

Kamala lets the songbird fly away Kamala lets the songbird fly away before she discovers her pregnancy, before she discovers her pregnancy, closing her door to all visitors and living closing her door to all visitors and living alone.alone.

For all intents and purposes, her old For all intents and purposes, her old life – and Siddhartha’s old life – ends here.life – and Siddhartha’s old life – ends here.

““Samsara” thus ends on a weird note, Samsara” thus ends on a weird note, a fusion of life and loss that’s perfectly in a fusion of life and loss that’s perfectly in keeping with its focus on cycles and the keeping with its focus on cycles and the dualistic nature of existence; if you want dualistic nature of existence; if you want to have fun, re-read the book and look for to have fun, re-read the book and look for all of the pairings and binaries!all of the pairings and binaries!

And so we head down to the river to And so we head down to the river to escape a cycle…or so we think.escape a cycle…or so we think.