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VALUES AND THE WISDOM OF OUR GRANDMOTHERS
TRAUMA: WHEN EMOTIONS ARE STIMULATED IN
CHILDREN AND/OR ADULTS AND THE RELEASE
OF EMOTIONS IS BLOCKED.
Jane Middelton-MozChildren of TraumaCopyright: 1986
WHEN TRAUMA IS NOT SHARED
• INCREASED BLOOD PRESSURE
• LOWERED IMMUNE SYSTEM
• INCREASED HEALTH RISK
• CONTINUAL STRESS
• INCREASED AGGRESSION
• INCREASED ADDICTIONS
James Pennebaker, Ph.D.Opening Up
WHEN TRAUMA IS SHARED
• DECREASE IN BLOOD PRESSURE
• IMPROVED IMMUNE SYSTEM
• DECREASE IN HEALTH RISK
• DECREASED AGGRESSION
• DECREASED ADDICTIONS
• INCREASED CONGRUITY BETWEEN RIGHT AND LEFT HEMISPHERES
James Pennebaker, Ph.D.Opening Up
PRIMARY EFFECTS OF TRAUMAPRIMARY EFFECTS OF TRAUMAJane Middelton-MozJane Middelton-Moz
• The Traumatic Event
• The Meaning Given to theTrauma by the Survivor
• The Individual’s Way of Dealingwith the Trauma
• Support or Lack of Supportfrom others Responding to thesurvivor
SECONDARY EFFECTS OF TRAUMASECONDARY EFFECTS OF TRAUMAJane Middelton-MozJane Middelton-Moz
• Significant people denying, notbelieving
• Blaming the Victim
• Stigma
• Lack of support from theenvironment for the feelingsand beliefs about the trauma
GENERATIONAL TRAUMAJane Middelton-Moz
TRAUMA CUTS US OFF FROM:
SELF/EMOTIONS
PERSONAL POWER
TRUST IN OUR ABILITY TO PROTECTOURSELVES
TRUST OF OTHERS
INTIMACY
RITUAL AND CUSTOMS
COMMUNITY
PATTERNS IN TRAUMA LINES - NUNAVIKPATTERNS IN TRAUMA LINES - NUNAVIKDATE TRAUMA SUPPORT FOR GRIEVING COMMUNITY HEALING
1800’S WHALERS NO NO
1800’S MISSIONARIES NO NO
1900’S RELOCATION NO NO
1950’S ALCOHOL NO NO
1950’S CHILDREN SENT TO NO NO
SCHOOLS OFF LAND
1960’S KILLING OF THE NO NO
DOGS
1960’S ALCOHOL DEATHS NO NO
BEGIN/DENIED
1970’S ABUSE AND RAPE NO NO
1970’S SUICIDES BEGIN NO NO
1990’S INCREASED NO NO
HOMOCIDE
2000’S GANG ACTIVITY NO NO
2000’S SCHOOL SHOOTING NO NO
“The National Inuit women’sassociation, Pauktuutit, says fear,shame, anger, addictions and violenceare threatening Inuit survival.”
‘Fear and denial have paralyzed us,’says the strategy. ‘Leadership isneeded to turn the tide.’”
Nunatsiaq News – October 13, 2006
Jane George
LATERAL VIOLENCEJane Middelton-Moz
RACISM/VIOLENCE/SHAMING
OPPRESSION
WE TURN THE SHAMING/VIOLENCE ANDOPPRESSION ON EACH OTHER
GOSSIP RELIGIOUS WARS COMPETITION PUTDOWNS BLOODISM
FAMILY FEUDS GANGS
OR
FIND PERCEIVED “WEAKER” ONES TO DIRECTVIOLENCE/SHAMING/OPPRESSION
ANOTHER RACE
GENERATIONAL TRAUMA
• ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTED FAMILIES• INSTITUTIONALIZATION• SUICIDE• DEATH AND/OR LOSS THAT IS NOT GRIEVED• PHYSICAL ABUSE• EMOTIONAL ABUSE• RELOCATION• CHRONIC ILLNESS• SECRETS• SEXUAL ABUSE• DIVORCE• VIOLENCE/MURDER/RAPE• WAR• NATURAL DISASTER• FOSTER CARE/ADOPTION• CULTURAL OPPRESSION• RELIGIOUS FANATICISM• BULLYING• COMMUNITY VIOLENCE• POVERTY
Jane MIddelton-Moz
Children of Trauma
Copyright: 1989
HANGOVER STABLE “STAR TIME” FALLING PASSED RISING SIDE SIDE OUT
Jane Middelton-MozAfter the TearsCopyright: 1985
MIDDELTON-MOZ AND DWINELL
After the Tears – Copyright 1985
GENERATIONAL TRAUMA
• ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTED FAMILIES• INSTITUTIONALIZATION• SUICIDE• DEATH AND/OR LOSS THAT IS NOT GRIEVED• PHYSICAL ABUSE• EMOTIONAL ABUSE• RELOCATION• CHRONIC ILLNESS• SECRETS• SEXUAL ABUSE• DIVORCE• VIOLENCE/MURDER/RAPE• WAR• NATURAL DISASTER• FOSTER CARE/ADOPTION• CULTURAL OPPRESSION• RELIGIOUS FANATICISM• BULLYING• COMMUNITY VIOLENCE• POVERTY
Jane MIddelton-Moz
Children of Trauma
Copyright: 1989
THEY TOOK OUR CHILDREN AWAYArchie Roach
This story’s right, this story’s true
I would not tell lies to you
Like the promises they did not keep
And how they fenced us in like sheep
Said to us come take our hand
Set us up on mission land
Taught us to read and write and pray
Then they took the children away
Took the children away
The children away
Snatched from their mothers’ breast
Said this is for the best
Took them away.
THEY TOOK OUR CHILDREN AWAYArchie Roach
The welfare and the police came
Said you’ve got to understand
We’ll give to them what you can’t give
Teach them how to really live
Teach they how to live they said
Humiliated them instead
Taught them that and taught them this
Then they taught them prejudice
They took the children away
The children away
Breaking their mothers’ hearts
Tearing us all apart, they took them away.
THEY TOOK OUR CHILDREN AWAYArchie Roach
One dark day on Framingham
Came and didn’t give a damn
My mother cried, “Go get your dad,”
He came running fighting mad
Mother’s tears were falling down
Dad shaped up and stood his ground
He said, “You touch my kids and you fight me.”
Then they took us from our family
They took us away
They took us away
Snatched from our mothers’ breasts
Said this is for the best
Took us away.
THEY TOOK OUR CHILDREN AWAYArchie Roach
Told us what to do and say
Taught us all the white man’s ways
Then they split us up again
And gave us gifts to ease the pain
Sent us off to foster homes
As we grew up, we felt alone
Cause we were acting white yet feeling black
One sweet day all the children came back
The children came back
The children came back
Back where their hearts grow strong
Back where they all belong
The children came back said the children came back
Back where they understand
Back to their mothers’ land
The children came back.
THEY TOOK OUR CHILDREN AWAYArchie Roach
Back to their mothers
Back to their fathers
Back to their sisters
Back to their brothers
Back to their people
Back to their land
All the children came back.
The children came back
The children came back
Yes, I came back.
EFFECTS OF INSTITUTIONALIZATION:EFFECTS OF INSTITUTIONALIZATION:BOARDING SCHOOLS, RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, HOSTELS,BOARDING SCHOOLS, RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, HOSTELS,PROLONGED HOSPITALIZATION AS TOLD BY SURVIVORSPROLONGED HOSPITALIZATION AS TOLD BY SURVIVORS
• BREAKDOWN IN FAMILY VALUES
• LOSS OF PARENTING SKILLS
• SILENCE
• ALCOHOL AND DRUGS
• CRYING SILENTLY
• ABUSE; EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, SEXUAL
• LEARNED TO KEEP SECRETS AND FEELASHAMED
• FEELING STUPID
EFFECTS OF INSTITUTIONALIZATION:EFFECTS OF INSTITUTIONALIZATION:BOARDING SCHOOLS, RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, HOSTELS,BOARDING SCHOOLS, RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, HOSTELS,PROLONGED HOSPITALIZATION AS TOLD BY SURVIVORSPROLONGED HOSPITALIZATION AS TOLD BY SURVIVORS
• LEARNED HELPLESSNESS
• DIFFICULTY WITH DECISION MAKING
• DON’T KNOW HOW TO SHOW AFFECTIONTO MY CHILDREN OR MY PARTNER
• DEPRESSION
• I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL.
• IT MADE ME A SURVIVOR, BUT, I DON’TKNOW HOW TO LIVE
• TERRIFIED TO BE VULNERABLE, SO I RAGE
LATERAL VIOLENCEJane Middelton-Moz
RACISM/VIOLENCE/SHAMING
OPPRESSION
WE TURN THE SHAMING/VIOLENCE ANDOPPRESSION ON EACH OTHER
GOSSIP RELIGIOUS WARS COMPETITION PUTDOWNS BLOODISM
FAMILY FEUDS GANGS
OR
FIND PERCEIVED “WEAKER” ONES TO DIRECTVIOLENCE/SHAMING/OPPRESSION
ANOTHER RACE
WHEN THE CIRCLE BROKE,IT REFORMED INTO APYRAMID AND WHEN ITDID, IT DISEMPOWERED USALL.”
Jane Middelton-Moz
Boiling Point; The High Cost ofUnhealthy Anger to Individualsand Society
Copyright: 1990
GENERATIONAL TRAUMA
• ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTED FAMILIES• INSTITUTIONALIZATION• SUICIDE• DEATH AND/OR LOSS THAT IS NOT GRIEVED• PHYSICAL ABUSE• EMOTIONAL ABUSE• RELOCATION• CHRONIC ILLNESS• SECRETS• SEXUAL ABUSE• DIVORCE• VIOLENCE/MURDER/RAPE• WAR• NATURAL DISASTER• FOSTER CARE/ADOPTION• CULTURAL OPPRESSION• RELIGIOUS FANATICISM• BULLYING• COMMUNITY VIOLENCE• POVERTY
Jane MIddelton-Moz
Children of Trauma
Copyright: 1989
•ABANDONMENT AND NEGLECT
•SEXUAL ABUSE
•BULLYING
•1/4 TO 1/3 OF ALL SURVIVING FRIENDS ANDFAMILY OF INDIVIDUALS, WHO COMPLETEDSUICIDES, ATTEMPT SUICIDE
•SEXUAL ORIENTATION
Jane Middelton-Moz
Boiling Point
Copyright - 1999
TRIGGER IMMEDIATE FEELINGS BODY RESPONSEbreakup with depression shutdowngirlfriend
BEHAVIORAL RESPONSE FEELINGS BLOCKED BY BEHAVIOR
suicide attempt anger
UNDERLYING SHAME
childhood abandonment and neglect;lost child
Jane MIddelton-MozBoiling Point; The WorkbookCopyright 2000
“I WOULD GET SO FRUSTRATEDTHAT I WOULD PUNCH WALLS.MOST OF THE TIME I JUSTWANTED TO HURT SOMEONEOR SOMETHING OR END IT ALL.I WOULD PICTURE MYSELFHOLDING A GUN TO MY HEAD.WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD ITMAKE ANYHOW.
“I DON’T EVER CRY. I THINKTHE LAST TIME I CRIED ALITTLE WAS WHEN MY DADDIED AND I HAD TO BE TOUGH.I WAS FOUR.”
-Age 17
GENERATIONAL TRAUMA
• ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTED FAMILIES• INSTITUTIONALIZATION• SUICIDE• DEATH AND/OR LOSS THAT IS NOT GRIEVED• PHYSICAL ABUSE• EMOTIONAL ABUSE• RELOCATION• CHRONIC ILLNESS• SECRETS• SEXUAL ABUSE• DIVORCE• VIOLENCE/MURDER/RAPE• WAR• NATURAL DISASTER• FOSTER CARE/ADOPTION• CULTURAL OPPRESSION• RELIGIOUS FANATICISM• BULLYING• COMMUNITY VIOLENCE• POVERTY
Jane MIddelton-Moz
Children of Trauma
Copyright: 1989
GRIEFGRIEFGRIEF:Intense feelings associated witha loss or misfortune.
MOURNING:The expression of grief.
UNRESOLVED OR DELAYED GRIEF:The inability to experience and/or expressgrief as it occurs, leading to difficulties such as:The inability to form and/or maintain relationships;trigger responses; rage; depression; numbing;Illness; etc.
Middelton-Moz, Tener, and ToddThe Ultimate Guide to Transforming AngerCopyright: 2005
REASONS THAT GRIEF IS DELAYEDREASONS THAT GRIEF IS DELAYEDJane Middelton-Moz
•AMBIVALENCE IN THE RELATIONSHIP
•EARLIER EXPERIENCES OF UNGRIEVED LOSS
•UNRESOLVED TRAUMA IN CHILDHOOD OR ADULTHOOD
•LIFE CRISIS PRIOR TO LOSS
•LACK OF SOCIAL SUPPORT
•SECONDARY STRESSES
•ADDICTIONS
HEALING THE PAINMiddelton-Moz
“People like me have lived
in darkness for so long that the light seems
wrong. We’ve known misery for so long that
goodness and happiness produce overwhelming
feelings of shame. Finally, after healing, I now
Know joy. I now know pride.” Male, age 40.
HypervigilenceMiddelton-Moz
“The traumatized brain is compelled to train its
focus away from language and verbal content,
toward nonverbal danger cues –body movements,
facial expressions, tone of voice, searching for
threat related information. This will often come
across as ‘flakiness’ and is often misdiagnosed as
attention deficit disorder.” Bruce Perry M.D.
Jane Middelton-MozChildren of TraumaCopyright: 1986
GENERATIONAL TRAUMA
• ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTED FAMILIES• INSTITUTIONALIZATION• SUICIDE• DEATH AND/OR LOSS THAT IS NOT GRIEVED• PHYSICAL ABUSE• EMOTIONAL ABUSE• RELOCATION• CHRONIC ILLNESS• SECRETS• SEXUAL ABUSE• DIVORCE• VIOLENCE/MURDER/RAPE• WAR• NATURAL DISASTER• FOSTER CARE/ADOPTION• CULTURAL OPPRESSION• RELIGIOUS FANATICISM• BULLYING• COMMUNITY VIOLENCE• POVERTY
Jane MIddelton-Moz
Children of Trauma
Copyright: 1989
ANGER: You Are In Control of It
RAGE: It Is In Control of You
DEPRESSION:
Feelings Caught in a Traffic Jam: Anger,Shame, Sadness, Fear, Helplessness andVulnerability
Jane MIddelton-Moz
Boiling Point
Copyright: 1999
UNHEALTHY ANGERUNHEALTHY ANGER
•Keeps us from dealing with the source of our fears.
•Prevents us from working through grief and loss.
•Keeps us from dealing with the messages that continue shame.
•Keeps us from experiencing powerlessness, vulnerability and fear.
•Stops us from resolving conflict.
•Stops problem solving.
•Keeps us isolated.
•Protects us from intimacy.
Jane Middelton-Moz
Boiling Point
Copyright: 1999
TRIGGERS:
Experiences that engage the pain
of delayed grief or trauma from the
past that hasn’t been resolved.
*SIGHTS*SIGHTS *ANNIVERSARY DATES*ANNIVERSARY DATES
*SOUNDS*SOUNDS *AGES OUR CHILDREN TURN*AGES OUR CHILDREN TURN
*TOUCH*TOUCH *SEASONS AND HOLIDAYS*SEASONS AND HOLIDAYS
*SMELLS*SMELLS
*FEELINGS*FEELINGS
*WORDS*WORDS
*GESTURES*GESTURES
Jane Middelton-Moz
Boiling Point: The Workbook
Copyright: 2000
TRIGGER IMMEDIATE FEELINGS BODYRESPONSEpartner coming jealousy/rage tense/tighthome late
BEHAVIORAL RESPONSE FEELINGS BLOCKED BYBEHAVIOR
pacing/screaming at her that he inadequacy, vulnerabilityknows she’s been with anotherman when she comes in.
UNDERLYING SHAME
told from an early age that he was notwanted - that he was in the way
Jane MIddelton-MozBoiling Point; The WorkbookCopyright 2000
GENERATIONAL TRAUMA
• ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTED FAMILIES• INSTITUTIONALIZATION• SUICIDE• DEATH AND/OR LOSS THAT IS NOT GRIEVED• PHYSICAL ABUSE• EMOTIONAL ABUSE• RELOCATION• CHRONIC ILLNESS• SECRETS• SEXUAL ABUSE• DIVORCE• VIOLENCE/MURDER/RAPE• WAR• NATURAL DISASTER• FOSTER CARE/ADOPTION• CULTURAL OPPRESSION• RELIGIOUS FANATICISM• BULLYING• COMMUNITY VIOLENCE• POVERTY
Jane MIddelton-Moz
Children of Trauma
Copyright: 1989
“Shame is so intense, and generatessuch powerful negative feelingstowards the self, that the shamedindividual is unable to derive self-esteem from within.”
William Cloke, Ph.D
Jane Middelton-MozShame and Guilt: Masters of DisguiseCopyright: 1990
Jane Middelton-MozShame and Guilt: Masters of DisguiseCopyright: 1990
THE GREATEST BARRIER TO OUR OWNHEALING IS NOT THE PAIN, SORROW, ORVIOLENCE INFLICTED UPON US AS CHILDRENAND YOUTH. OUR GREATEST BARRIER ISOUR ONGOING CAPACITY TO JUDGE,CRITICIZE AND BRING HARM TOOURSELVES AND OTHERS.
CHILDREN RAISED IN PAIN LEARN TO TRUST WHATIS PAINFUL.
Jane Middelton-MozShame and Guilt: Masters of DisguiseCopyright: 1990
THOSE WHO ARE SHAMED CONTINUALLY SEEK THEIR WORTHEXTERNALLY, OFTEN THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS,
ADDICTIONS OR COMPULSIONS UNFORTUNATELY, FINDINGSELF-ESTEEM OUTSIDE THE SELF IS IMPOSSIBLE. THE
FANTASY NEVER MATCHES THE REALITY. NO ONE CAN LIVEUP TO THE FANTASY IDEAL:
“ SOMEDAY I WILL FINALLY FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE OR SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE ME FEEL
GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.”
Jane Middelton-MozShame and Guilt: Masters of DisguiseCopyright: 1990
Jane Middelton-MozShame and Guilt: Masters of DisguiseCopyright: 1990
CHARLES VAN DEN BERG DEFINES PSYCHOLOGYAS THE “SCIENCE OF LONELINESS”.
Jane Middelton-MozShame and Guilt: Masters of DisguiseCopyright: 1990
GENERATIONAL TRAUMA
• ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTED FAMILIES• INSTITUTIONALIZATION• SUICIDE• DEATH AND/OR LOSS THAT IS NOT GRIEVED• PHYSICAL ABUSE• EMOTIONAL ABUSE• RELOCATION• CHRONIC ILLNESS• SECRETS• SEXUAL ABUSE• DIVORCE• VIOLENCE/MURDER/RAPE• WAR• NATURAL DISASTER• FOSTER CARE/ADOPTION• CULTURAL OPPRESSION• RELIGIOUS FANATICISM• BULLYING• COMMUNITY VIOLENCE• POVERTY
Jane MIddelton-Moz
Children of Trauma
Copyright: 1989
DISENGAGING OUR TRIGGERSDISENGAGING OUR TRIGGERSCHANGING PATTERNSCHANGING PATTERNS
Jane MIddelton-Moz
•• NAME ITNAME IT
•• FEEL ITFEEL IT
•• OWN ITOWN IT
•• CHANGE ITCHANGE IT
In order to heal the
effects of cumulative
trauma we need an
“honest mirror”,
providing mirroring that
has been reversed.”
HEALINGHEALING
•• VALIDATIONVALIDATION
•• SOMEONE THERESOMEONE THERE
•• MODELING OF FEELINGSMODELING OF FEELINGS
•• TIMETIME
Jane Middelton-MozJane Middelton-MozChildren of TraumaChildren of Trauma19901990
“STICKS AND STONES ARE HARD ON BONES AIMED WITH ANGRY ART
WORDS CAN STING LIKE ANYTHING
BUT IT’S SILENCE THAT BREAKS YOURHEART”
Jessie – Age 13
From:Part of Me Died TooVirginia FryCopyright: 1995
HEALINGHEALING
•• VALIDATIONVALIDATION
•• SOMEONE THERESOMEONE THERE
•• MODELING OF FEELINGSMODELING OF FEELINGS
•• TIMETIME
Jane Middelton-MozJane Middelton-MozChildren of TraumaChildren of Trauma19901990
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKINGWritten by a Former Child
•When you thought I wasn’t looking, I sawyou put my first painting on therefrigerator and I immediately wanted topaint another one.
•When you thought I wasn’t looking, I sawyou feed a stray cat and I learned that itwas good to be kind to animals.
•When you thought I wasn’t looking, I sawyou make my favorite cake and I learnedthat the little things can be the specialthings in life.
•When you thought I wasn’t looking, Iheard you say a prayer and I knew thereis a God I could talk to and I learned totrust God.
•When you thought I wasn’t looking, I sawyou make a meal and take it to a friendwho was sick and I learned that we allhave to help take care of each other.
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKING
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Isaw you give of your time and money tohelp people who had nothing and Ilearned that those who have somethingshould give to those who don’t.
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Isaw you take care of our house andeveryone in it and I learned we have totake care of what we are given.
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Isaw how you handled responsibilities,even when you didn’t feel good and Ilearned that I would have to beresponsible when I grow up.
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Isaw tears come from your eyes and Ilearned that sometime things hurt, butit’s all right to cry.
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKING
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Isaw that you cared and I wanted to beeverything that I could be.
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Ilearned most of life’s lessons that Ineed to know to be a good andproductive person when I grow up.
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Ilooked at you and wanted to say,“Thanks for all the things I saw whenyou thought I wasn’t looking.
Each of us as parents, grandparents,teachers, aunts uncles, friends influencethe life of a child. How will you touch thelife of someone today.
HEALINGHEALING
•• VALIDATIONVALIDATION
•• SOMEONE THERESOMEONE THERE
•• MODELING OF FEELINGSMODELING OF FEELINGS
•• TIMETIME
Jane Middelton-MozJane Middelton-MozChildren of TraumaChildren of Trauma19901990
SOME EFFECTS OF UNRESOLVED TRAUMAJane Middelton-Moz
• Paralyzing Anxiety• The Trauma Addiction Cycle• Trigger Responses• Panic Attacks• Addictive and Compulsive Behaviors• Need to be in Control• Baseline of Anger, Hurt and Fear• Fear of the Ordinary• Chaos Junkies• The Body Cries• Repetitive Relationships• Counter-Dependence• Vulnerability to Loss
PARALYZING ANXIETIES THAT CAN CONTROLPARALYZING ANXIETIES THAT CAN CONTROLTHE LIVES OF TRAUMA SURVIVORSTHE LIVES OF TRAUMA SURVIVORS
BEFORE HEALINGBEFORE HEALING
••FEAR OF CLOSENESS AND INTIMACYFEAR OF CLOSENESS AND INTIMACY
••FEAR OF FEELINGFEAR OF FEELING
••FEAR OF CONFLICTFEAR OF CONFLICT
••FEAR OF MAKING A MISTAKEFEAR OF MAKING A MISTAKE
••FEAR OF CHANGEFEAR OF CHANGE
••FEAR OF AUTHORITYFEAR OF AUTHORITY
••FEAR OF SURPRISESFEAR OF SURPRISES
••FEAR OF FOCUSFEAR OF FOCUS
••FEAR OF DEPENDENCY AND SELF-SUFFICIENCYFEAR OF DEPENDENCY AND SELF-SUFFICIENCY
Jane Middelton-MozChildren of TraumaCopyright: 1986
Jane Middelton-MozChildren of TraumaCopyright: 1986
SOME EFFECTS OF UNRESOLVED TRAUMAJane Middelton-Moz
• The Trauma Addiction Cycle• Trigger Responses• Panic Attacks• Addictive and Compulsive
Behaviors• Need to be in Control• Baseline of Anger, Hurt and Fear• Fear of the Ordinary• Chaos Junkies• The Body Cries• Repetitive Relationships• Counter-Dependence• Vulnerability to Loss
COMPULSION TO REPEAT:
•The one who is humiliatedbecomes the one whohumiliates.
•The one who is humiliatedhurts and humiliatesthemselves.
•The one who is humiliatedseeks out relationships wherehumiliation continues.
Talking it out and feeling it outends acting it out.
Jane Middelton-Moz
Shame and Guilt; Masters of Disguise
THE EFFECT OF TRAUMA ON RELATIONSHIPS
Jane Middelton-Moz
• A DEEP LONGING FOR LOVE YET FEARINTIMACY.
• FEAR OF ABANDONMENT AND ENGULFMENT.
• UNDERMINES COMMUNICATION SKILLS.
• UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES.
• “GO AWAY CLOSER”
• UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES: FUSION ANDDISCONNECTION
• LOSS OF JOY, TRUST AND FAITH
• INABILITY TO ACCEPT (or give) SUPPORT
TRAUMA RECOVERYTRAUMA RECOVERYJane Middelton-Moz
•• LIVING IN BALANCELIVING IN BALANCE•• IN CONTROL OF ANGER RATHERIN CONTROL OF ANGER RATHER
THAN IT BEING IN CONTROL OFTHAN IT BEING IN CONTROL OFYOUYOU
•• REACHING OUT WHEN TRIGGEREDREACHING OUT WHEN TRIGGERED•• ACCEPTANCE OF LOSS; HEALTHYACCEPTANCE OF LOSS; HEALTHY
GRIEVINGGRIEVING•• SPONTANEITYSPONTANEITY•• LIVING WITHOUT CHAOSLIVING WITHOUT CHAOS•• ADDICTION FREE LIVINGADDICTION FREE LIVING•• EMPOWERING SELF AND OTHERSEMPOWERING SELF AND OTHERS•• ACCEPTANCE OF FEARS ANDACCEPTANCE OF FEARS AND
NEEDSNEEDS•• HONESTY WITHOUT JUDGEMENTHONESTY WITHOUT JUDGEMENT•• CONNECTION AND INTIMACYCONNECTION AND INTIMACY•• FRIENDS NOT CASELOADSFRIENDS NOT CASELOADS•• SHOWING UPSHOWING UP•• LIVING IN THE PRESENTLIVING IN THE PRESENT•• FORGIVENESSFORGIVENESS
THE WILL TO SURVIVE“WHEN THE WINTER IS SEVERE, THE PINE TREESIN THIS ANCIENT LAND STAY GREENTHROUGHOUT THE YEAR. IS IT BECAUSE THEEARTH IS WARM AND FRIENDLY? NO, IT ISBECAUSE THE PINE TREE HAS WITHIN ITSELF ALIFE RESTORING POWER”
Ancient Chinese Proverb
RESILIENCY MEANS ONE HAS APOWERFUL SPIRIT. IT IS THESTRENGTH THAT A CHILD/ADULT/
CULTURE REQUIRES TO MASTERTRAUMA.
Jane Middelton-Moz
The Will to Survive:1992
SURVIVORS, FAR FROM DEFEATED BY THETRAUMA OF ABUSE, HAVE A STRONG ANDRESILIENT NATURE:
•CONTINUALLY SEEKING HEALTH
•COMPASSION
•“HUMAN DOINGS”
•SPIRITUALITY
•PAIN INTO ACTION
•CREATIVITY
•TENACITY
•DETERMINATION
Jane Middelton-Moz
“THE WORLD BREAKS ALL OF
US, AND AFTERWARD, MANY
ARE MUCH STRONGER INTHOSE
BROKEN PLACES.”- Hemingway
•• ACKNOWLEDGES LIFE TRANSITIONSACKNOWLEDGES LIFE TRANSITIONS
•• MARKS RITES OF PASSAGEMARKS RITES OF PASSAGE
•• ALLOWS THE EXPRESSION OF STRONGALLOWS THE EXPRESSION OF STRONGEMOTIONS: (EMOTIONS: (grief, joy, anger, pride,grief, joy, anger, pride,gratitude, sadness)gratitude, sadness)
•• HELP US FEEL LESS ALONEHELP US FEEL LESS ALONE
•• STRENGTHEN A SENSE OF COMMUNITYSTRENGTHEN A SENSE OF COMMUNITY
•• REINFORCE THE CIRCLE RATHER THANREINFORCE THE CIRCLE RATHER THANTHE PYRAMIDTHE PYRAMID
Middelton-Moz, Tener, and ToddThe Ultimate Guide to Transforming AngerCopyright: 2004
We Were Born to LiveWe Were Born to LiveWe Were Born to LoveWe Were Born to Love
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