understanding transference

WITHOUT BEING AWARE OF IT we may transfer to another

person emotions & responses we once had towards someone

else – this process is appropriately called “Transference”…

The our unconscious mind serves a useful purpose (freeing

the conscious mind for other tasks) but it also creates problems

in our relationship through …

Eventually we

figure out the

best ways to

deal with those

big people who

had all the

power…

FIGHT

FREEZE

FLIGHT

When we face

power as

adults, we tend

to use those

ways of

relating that

worked before The awareness of

TRANSFERENCE

provides a key to

understanding both

ourselves and

others in almost

every relationship

When our parents refused to „give into us‟

(when they‟ve reached their limit) then …

“Surprisingly, people who have had parents who were“easy” on them may sometimes be attracted to those whoare demanding -- Because such persons seem to providestructure that was missing in childhood.”

“The person with an over-demanding parent may beattracted to a person who seems “spontaneous” and lessrigid.”

Most commonly without realizing it, werepeat the familiar patterns of childhood

L. Crabb (2003). Soul Talk, p. 124.

Power struggles come

about especially when

each person has transference

to the other, and uses

seemingly “logical”

(but childish) manoeuvres

in a power situation…

SO HOW DO WE AVOID THE “POWER

STRUGGLES” THAT TRANSFERENCE

SEEMS TO PROVOKE?

Is it possible to act differently in a more

proactive way (creatively) to side-step the

„conflictual‟ stance…

Instead of power

struggles…. in which

each person tries to

“be somebody” at a

cost to the other — we

form a

We choose to move

away from the power

struggle…. and

towards a creative

relationship, where we:

PERSONAL EXAMPLE from last time….

NEXT TIME: