understanding responding to bullying

Understanding & Responding to

Bullying

Part IIncreasing Your Awareness

What Causes Bullying & What Can We Do?

Tools for Strong Families

Activities from “A Parent’s Guide to Understanding and Responding to Bullying” (The Bully Busters Approach)

By: Arthur M. Horne, Jennifer L. Stoddard, and Christopher D. Bell

Increasing Your Awareness of Bullying

Take a few minutes and think of a bullying incident from your youth:• What happened?• Who was involved?• What role did you play in the situation?• How did you and others react in the situation?• How did you feel?• How would you expect your child to react to the

same incident?

What is Bullying?

P—Bullying is purposefulI—Bullying is imbalancedC—Bullying is continual

Aggressive Play or Bullying?

Aggressive Play Voluntary Turn Taking Equal in size, power, or

experience Give and take; winning and

losing possible; shared experience

Enjoys the experience

Bullying Coercive, ordering,

demanding Doesn’t share or take turns Larger, faster, stronger, or

having socially imbalanced characteristics

Bully always wins Demands the experience

Myths About Bullying

• Bullying is just “kids being kids”.• It’s not really bullying if no one is physically hurt.• Bullying happens only on the playground.• Children will outgrow bullying—there are no lasting harmful

effects.• Some children are just born rough, and there is nothing we

can do about it.• It’s best for parents, teachers, and other adults to just stay

out of it.• Children who are the targets of bullying are bringing it on

themselves.

Myths About Bullying

• Weaker children benefit from bullying. It builds character and gives them an opportunity to “stick up for themselves.”

• If bullying takes place at school, there’s not much I can do to help my child change the situation.

• Only boys bully.• Girls are targeted for bullying only by other girls.• There’s not enough time to address the problem of

bullying.• Paying attention to complaints just encourages tattling.

What causes bullying and what can we do?

The most common questions from both parents and students…

Why me?

Why my child?

What makes some children bullies/

targets of bullying?

Risk factorsProtective Factors

Risk and protective factors are sometimes inherent but many are developed within a child’s spheres

of influence

Spheres of influence: which ones can you affect?

Some examples of risk factors:

• Being smaller or larger than other classmates

• Hitting puberty earlier or later than most classmates

• Stress in the home• Being confrontational with others

Some examples of protective factors:

• strong self-esteem

• sense of humor

• cares for younger siblings

• academic success

How important are these factors?

• Risk factors don’t cause the problem• Protective factors don’t prevent the

problemHowever…

• More risk factors = tendency to respond to events in negative or aggressive ways. Protective factors help guard against this

Start with your own sphere of influence

•Notate your thoughts about which aspects you can and can’t influence

•Come up with some steps to take to help you make changes in the areas you can affect

Tools for Strong Families

Guidelines for Healthy, Happy Families1. Be Inclusive2. Be Fun3. Be Encouraging4. Be Honest5. Be Firm6. Be NICE7. Be a Source of Security8. Be Respectful9. Be a Positive Role Model10.Be Fair

Family Meeting

One of the most important things family members can do is talk to one another.

Family meetings are regularly scheduled meetings for the family to discuss guidelines,

behaviors and expectations, and make decisions as a group. It provides an opportunity for all the family to come together and identify concerns

and problems.

Steps to Successful Family MeetingsStep 1Set up a time when all members of the family can be present

Step 2Keep notes

Step 3Choose someone to chair the meting

Step 4Use an agenda

Step 5Reflect on how the meeting went from each family member

THE BIG QUESTIONS

A way to successfully approach problems within your family (problem solving model)

1. What is your goal?2. What are you doing?3. Is what you are doing helping you achieve

your goal?4. If not, what can you do differently?

Emotional Intelligence & Emotional Coaching

Emotional Intelligence: refers to the ability of a person to monitor his or her feelings, as well as the feelings of others, and use this information to guide

thinking and behavior4 Components:1. Perceiving and expressing emotion2. Using emotion to facilitate thinking3. Understanding emotions4. Managing emotions

Raising Emotional Intelligence

Children and adolescents who demonstrate high levels of emotional intelligence have lower levels of aggression and

fewer behavior problems

1. Become aware of your own and your child’s emotions

2. Recognize your child’s emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching

3. Listen empathically and validate your child’s feelings

4. Help your child find words to label the emotions she or he is having (“I statements”)

Emotional Coaching ActivityThink of a situation in which you identified an opportunity for emotional coaching but feel that it probably could have gone better. Briefly describe to your table. What was your emotional

reaction to the situation? What was your child’s

emotional reaction? What got in the way of using

emotional coaching?

Modeling Behavior

• Based on the assumption that most behavior is learned through observation

• Essential that we try our hardest to demonstrate the behaviors we want our children to learn

• Can you remember a time where you modeled a behavior to your child?

Maintaining a Positive Relationship with Your Child

• Balancing Support and Firmness; 1 of the most difficult and universal challenges of parenting

• Keeping the Door Open• Making a Commitment• Resolving Conflicts Peacefully

Quesstion & Answer

Reflection Time

Comments

Understanding & Responding to Bullying Part II

This is only the beginning…Part II

Wednesday, September 29 at 6:30 pmTopics Include:• Understanding & helping the bully• Understanding & helping the targets • Parents & schools

BE THERE!...or be bullied