plain english: what’s it all about?€¦ · style that says exactly what you want it to say,...

1CSTDI CSB

Plain English: What’s it all about? Richard McGeough

2CSTDI CSB

What is CPBE?

3CSTDI CSB

4CSTDI CSB

1. What is plain language?2. Why is it important?3. Who wants plain language?4. What principles and techniques can be

taught?5. What are the challenges?6. How might it be relevant to the ELC?

Questions

5CSTDI CSB

1. What is plain language?

6CSTDI CSB

7CSTDI CSB

8CSTDI CSB

9CSTDI CSB

10CSTDI CSB

11CSTDI CSB

Please be informed that the captioned draft plan, together with a schedule of the representations in respect of the plan including your representation submitted to the Town Planning Board and the comments on these representations, had been submitted to the Chief Executive in Council (CE in C) for approval in accordance with section 8 of the Town Planning Ordinance (the Ordinance). On 8.9.2015, the CE in C approved the draft plan under section 9(1)(a) of the Ordinance. On 18.9.2015, notification of the approval of the draft plan was gazetted and the approved plan (No. S/K7/24) was exhibited for public inspection in accordance with section 9(5) of the Ordinance.

12CSTDI CSB

13CSTDI CSB

Plain language

14CSTDI CSB

A communication is in plain language if its wording, structure and design are so clear that the intended readers can easily find what they need, understand what they find, and use that information. Source: International Plain English Federation

15CSTDI CSB

“As much as necessary, as little as possible.”

16CSTDI CSB

Plain language is NOT ‘dumbing down’:

17CSTDI CSB

What is

plain language?

18CSTDI CSB

19CSTDI CSB

Your number: 2801 5238• “Will my number change?”• “Any action required?”

Reading task

20CSTDI CSB

Example 1a:82 seconds

21CSTDI CSB

Example 1b:16 seconds

Time saved: 66 seconds

22CSTDI CSB

23CSTDI CSB

24CSTDI CSB

Key features of Example 1b

STRUCTURE DESIGN WORDING

Key message is frontloaded

White spaceNo superfluous

words

Only essential information is

includedHeadings

Shorter sentences

Use of a table

25CSTDI CSB

sophisticated

simplicity

26CSTDI CSB

As much as necessary; as little as possible.

27CSTDI CSB

2. Why is plain language important?

28CSTDI CSB

66 seconds x number of pages you read x number of staff =

It saves time and money

29CSTDI CSB

It saves time and reduces conflict

30CSTDI CSB

It shows that you’re committed to good service

31CSTDI CSB

Improved returns on marketing expenditure

32CSTDI CSB

Improved returns on marketing expenditure

33CSTDI CSB

“The ability to write in a simple, direct style that says exactly what you want it to say, using the fewest possible words, has become rare.”

Business Week

34CSTDI CSB

3. Who wants plain language?

42CSTDI CSB

43CSTDI CSB

1.1 What is legislative drafting?• “…it is important that legislation is written in clear,

easily understood and unambiguous language…”

6.2 Plain language• “It is LDD’s policy to draft laws in plain language. The

goal of plain language drafting is to make the law asnnsimple and clear as possible without taking away from

precision or substance.”

Retrieved from: http://www.legislation.gov.hk/blis/eng/pdf/2012/drafting2e.PDF 21 July 2014

The LDD says…

44CSTDI CSB

PolyU says…

45CSTDI CSB

4. What principles and techniques can

be taught?

46CSTDI CSB

47CSTDI CSB

48CSTDI CSB

49CSTDI CSB

50CSTDI CSB

51CSTDI CSB

To further simplify the operating procedures for efficiency and to clarify the regulations to facilitate easy compliance by departmental users, please be informed that the Manual of Operating Procedures has been updated, following approval by Senior Management with endorsement by the Information Technology Management Unit. The major enhancements or elaborations in the updated version of the Manual are summarised below for your easy reference:a) ………………………b) ………………………c) ………………………

‘What, then ‘why’

52CSTDI CSB

To further simplify the operating procedures for efficiency and to clarify the regulations to facilitate easy compliance by departmental users, please be informed that the Manual of Operating Procedures has been updated, following approval by Senior Management with endorsement by the Information Technology Management Unit. The major enhancements or elaborations in the updated version of the Manual are summarised below for your easy reference:a) ………………………b) ………………………c) ………………………

‘What, then ‘why’

53CSTDI CSB

The Manual of Operating Procedures has been updated. The major updates are summarised below:a) ………………………b) ………………………c) ………………………We hope that you will find the updated operating procedures more efficient and easier to follow.

‘What, then ‘why’

54CSTDI CSB

TL;DRInclude only what is absolutely necessary

55CSTDI CSB

56CSTDI CSB

Piece by piece…

57CSTDI CSB

….not like this

58CSTDI CSB

Designing your document

• White space matters.

• Tables convey information very efficiently.

• Regular headings help readers navigate.

• Bullets and lists are excellent ‘chunking’ tools.

59CSTDI CSB

60CSTDI CSB

61CSTDI CSB

62CSTDI CSB

63CSTDI CSB

Long sentences Unnecessary words Noun-led style Unfamiliar words & jargon

64CSTDI CSB

Control sentence length Essential words only Verb-led style Familiar, but precise, words

65CSTDI CSB

“ Any fool can make things complicated but it requires agenius to make things simpler.

E.F. SchumakerStatistician and economist

66CSTDI CSB

67CSTDI CSB

Use no more words than you need

1? 2? 3? 4? …

68CSTDI CSB

Use no more words than you need

• Delete unnecessary words.

• Simplify wordy phrases.

• Avoid ‘empty phrases’ at the beginning of sentences.

69CSTDI CSB

Use no more words than you need

• Delete unnecessary words.• Simplify wordy phrases.

• Avoid ‘empty phrases’ at the beginning of sentences.

70CSTDI CSB

a) Delete unnecessary words

Most staff members are working for a longer time than ever before. (12 words)

Most staff are working longer than ever before. (8 words)

71CSTDI CSB

a) Delete unnecessary words

Advice in this regard is available upon request.(8 words)

Advice is available upon request.(5 words)

72CSTDI CSB

a) Delete unnecessary words

I write to seek your consent and approval for the above captioned.

I write to seek your approval for the above.

73CSTDI CSB

Use no more words than you need

• Delete unnecessary words.

• Simplify wordy phrases.• Avoid ‘empty phrases’ at the beginning of sentences.

74CSTDI CSB

b) Simplify wordy phrases

The Labour Department provides in-service training courses of two weeks duration on a regular basis. (16 words)

The Labour Department regularly provides two-week in-service training courses. (10 words)

75CSTDI CSB

Use no more words than you need

• Delete unnecessary words.

• Simplify wordy phrases.

• Avoid ‘empty phrases’ at the beginning

fof sentences.

76CSTDI CSB

c) Avoid ‘empty phrases’ wordy phrases

It has been determined that there is insufficient information to allow us to process your application. (16 words)

There is insufficient information to allow us to process your application. (11 words)

77CSTDI CSB

c) Avoid ‘empty phrases’ wordy phrases

You may also wish to note that the administration fee for every person recruited is HKD5000. (16 words)

The administration fee for every person recruited is HKD5000. (9 words)

78CSTDI CSB

c) Avoid ‘empty phrases’ wordy phrases

It is necessary that policies are prepared to ensure the smooth transition to community care. (15 words)

Policies are needed to ensure the smooth transition to community care. (11 words)

79CSTDI CSB

Focus on verbs

80CSTDI CSB

3. Focus on verbs

• Turn nouns back into verbs.

• Re-phrase noun phrases using verbs.

81CSTDI CSB

3. Focus on verbs

• Turn nouns back into verbs.• Re-phrase noun phrases using verbs.

82CSTDI CSB

a) Turn nouns back into verbs

83CSTDI CSB

b) Re-phrase noun phrases…

To facilitate the completion of the application form, please download the Guidance Notes.(6-word noun phrase)

To help you complete the application form, please download the Guidance Notes.(3-word noun phrase)

84CSTDI CSB

b) Re-phrase noun phrases…

Following a recent revision to the rates of Local Subsistence Allowance in the Civil Service, the rates of such allowance are revised with retroactive effect from 1 January 201X as follows: (14-word noun phrase)

The Civil Service Local Subsistence Allowance rates were recently revised. The new rates, with retroactive effect from 1 January 201X, are as follows: (7-word noun phrase)

85CSTDI CSB

Shorter sentences Essential words only Verb-focused style Familiar, but precise, words

86CSTDI CSB

Being wordy only impresses snobs…

87CSTDI CSB

…it has this effect on ordinary people:

88CSTDI CSB

5. What are the challenges?

89CSTDI CSB

My manager doesn’t want me to write like this.

My manager should attend this training!

workshop.

90CSTDI CSB

We have to keep this part because our lawyers wrote it.

91CSTDI CSB

Thank you. That was really useful. Goodbye!

92CSTDI CSB

6. How might plain English be relevant

to the ELC?

93CSTDI CSB

Professional English

94CSTDI CSB

English for Academic Purposes

95CSTDI CSB

It is believed that consideration should be given by the government to this option.

I believe the government should consider this option.

The government should consider this option.

96CSTDI CSB

“ Any fool can make things complicated but it requires agenius to make things simpler.

E.F. SchumakerStatistician and economist

97CSTDI CSB

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.

98CSTDI CSB

99CSTDI CSB

What next?

100CSTDI CSB

What next?

richard.mcgeough@polyu.edu.hk

www.polyu.edu.hk/cpbe