miss pettigrew lives for a day

CHAPTERONE

9.15AM—11.11AM

issPettigrewpushedopenthedooroftheemploymentagencyandwentinastheclockstruckaquarterpastnine.Shehad,asusual,verylittlehope,buttodaythePrincipalgreetedherwithamorecheerfulsmile.

“Ah!MissPettigrew.Ithinkwehavesomethingforyoutoday.TwocameinwhenIhadleftlastnight.Nowletmesee.Ahyes!Mrs.Hilary,maid.MissLaFosse,nurserygoverness.Hmn!You’dhavethoughtitwastheotherwayround.Butthere!Iexpectshe’sanauntwithanadoptedorphanniece,orsomething.”

ShegaveMissPettigrewparticulars.“Thereyouarethen.MissLaFosse,5,OnslowMansions.Theappointmentis

fortensharpthismorning.You’llmakeitnicely.”“Ohthankyou,”MissPettigrewsaidweakly,nearlyfaintingwithrelief.She

clutchedthecardofparticularsfirmlyinherhand.“I’dnearlygivenuphope.Notmanyofmykindofpostthesedays.”

“Notmany,”agreedMissHolt,and,asthedoorclosedbehindMissPettigrew,“Ihopethat’sthelastIseeofher,”thoughtMissHolt.

OutsideonthepavementMissPettigrewshiveredslightly.Itwasacold,grey,foggyNovemberdaywithadrizzleofrainintheair.Hercoat,ofanondescript,uglybrown,wasnotverythick.Itwasfiveyearsold.Londontrafficroaredabouther.Pedestrianshastenedtoreachtheirdestinationsandgetoutofthedepressingatmosphereasquicklyaspossible.MissPettigrewjoinedthethrong,amiddle-aged,ratherangularlady,ofmediumheight,thinthroughlackofgoodfood,withatimid,defeatedexpressionandterrorquitediscernibleinhereyes,ifanyonecaredtolook.ButtherewasnopersonalfriendorrelationinthewholeworldwhokneworcaredwhetherMissPettigrewwasaliveordead.

MissPettigrewwenttothebus-stoptoawaitabus.Shecouldnotaffordthefare,butshecouldstilllessaffordtoloseapossiblesituationbybeinglate.Thebusdepositedheraboutfiveminutes’walkfromOnslowMansions,andatsevenminutestotenpreciselyshewasoutsideherdestination.

Itwasaveryexclusive,veryopulent,veryintimidatingblockofflats.Miss

Itwasaveryexclusive,veryopulent,veryintimidatingblockofflats.MissPettigrewwasconsciousofhershabbyclothes,herfadedgentility,hercouragelostthroughweeksoffacingtheworkhouse.Shestoodamoment.Sheprayedsilently.“OhLord!IfI’veeverdoubtedyourbenevolenceinthepast,forgivemeandhelpmenow.”Sheaddedaridertoherprayer,withthefirstcandidconfessionshehadevermadetoherconsciousmind.“It’smylastchance.Youknowit.Iknowit.”

Shewentin.Aporterinthehalleyedherquestioningly.HercouragefailedatringingfortheliftsoshemountedthemainstairwayandlookedarounduntilshediscoveredN°5.AlittleplateonthedoorsaidMissLaFosse.Shelookedatherwatch,inheritedfromhermother,waiteduntilitsaidpreciselyten,thenrang.

Therewasnoanswer.Sherangagain.Shewaitedandrangagain.Shewasnotnormallysoassertive,butfeargaveherthecourageofdesperation.Sherang,offandon,forfiveminutes.Suddenlythedoorflewopenandayoungwomanstoodintheentry.

MissPettigrewgasped.Thecreaturewassolovelyshecalledtomindimmediatelybeautiesofthescreen.Hergolden,curlyhair,tumbleduntidilyaboutherface.Sleepwasstillheavyinhereyes,blueasgentians.Thelovelyroseofyouthflushedhercheeks.Sheworethatkindoffoamyrobe,nomeredressing-gown,wornbythemostfamousofstarsinseductionscenesinthefilms.MissPettigrewwaswellversedintheetiquetteofdressandbehaviourofyoungwomenonthescreen.

Inadull,miserableexistenceheronewildextravagancewasherweeklyorgyatthecinema,whereforovertwohoursshelivedinanenchantedworldpeopledbybeautifulwomen,handsomeheroes,fascinatingvillains,charmingemployers,andtherewerenobullyingparents,noappallingoffspring,totease,torment,terrify,harryhereverywakinghour.Inreallifeshehadneverseenanywomanarrivetobreakfastinasilk,satinandlacenégligé.Everyonedidonthefilms.Toseeoneoftheselovelyvisionsinthefleshwasalmostmorethanshecouldbelieve.

ButMissPettigrewknewfrightwhenshesawit.Theyoungwoman’sface,whensheopenedthedoor,hadbeenrigidwithapprehension.AtsightofMissPettigrewitgrewradiantwithrelief.

“Ihavecome…”beganMissPettigrewnervously.“Whattimeisit?”“ItwasprompttenwhenIfirstrang.Thehouryounamed,Miss…Miss

LaFosse?Ihavebeenringingforaboutfiveminutes.Itisnowfive-pastten.”“MyGod!”MissPettigrew’ssurprisinginterrogatorswungroundanddisappearedback

MissPettigrew’ssurprisinginterrogatorswungroundanddisappearedbackintotheroom.Shedidnotsaycomein,butforagentlewomantofacedestitutionwasaveryseriouscrisis:MissPettigrewfoundcourage,walkedinandshutthedoorbehindher.“AtleastIshallaskforaninterview,”thoughtMissPettigrew.

Shesawthewhiskofdraperiesdisappearthroughanotherdoorandheardavoicesayingurgently,“Phil.Phil.Youlazyhound.Getup.It’shalf-pastten.”

“Pronetoexaggerate,”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Notagoodinfluenceforchildrenatall.”

Shenowhadtimetotakeinhersurroundings.Brilliantcushionsornamentedmorebrilliantchairsandchesterfield.Adeep,velvetycarpetofstrange,futuristicdesign,decoratedthefloor.Gorgeous,breathtakingcurtainsdrapedthewindows.Onthewallshungpicturesnot…notquitedecent,decidedMissPettigrew.Ornamentsofeverycolourandshapeadornedmantelpiece,tableandstands.Nothingmatchedanythingelse.Everythingwasofanexoticbrilliancethattookawaythebreath.

“Nottheroomofalady,”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Notthekindofroommydearmotherwouldhavechosen.”

“Andyet…why,yes!Quitedefinitelyyes,thekindofroomthatperfectlysuitedthelovelycreaturewhohadsoabruptlydisappeared.”

MissPettigrewcastasternlydisapprovingeyeabouther,butbehindherdisapprovalstirredastrangesensationofexcitement.Thiswasthekindofroominwhichonedidthingsandstrangeeventsoccurredandamazingcreatures,likehermomentaryinquisitor,livedvivid,exciting,hazardouslives.

ShockedbysuchflightythoughtsMissPettigrewtookherimaginationseverelyinhandandforceditbacktothepractical.

“Children,”ponderedMissPettigrew.“Wherecouldonepossiblyteachorplaywithchildreninanimpossibleroomlikethis?Inkordirtymarksonthosecushionswouldbedesecration.”

Frombehindthedoorofwhatwas,presumably,thebedroom,MissPettigrewcouldmakeoutaheatedaltercationinprogress.Thelow,pleasantlygrumblingtonesofaman’svoice,“Comeonbacktobed.”

AndMissLaFosse’shigh,exhortingvoice,“NoIwon’t.Ican’thelpitifyou’restillsleepy.I’mawakeandI’vegotalotofthingstodothismorning.Ican’thaveyoulyingsnoringhereallmorning,‘cosIwanttogetthisroomtidied.”

SoonthedooropenedandMissLaFosseappearedagain,almostimmediatelyfollowedbyaman,cladinadressing-gownofsuchbrilliantlycolouredsilkMissPettigrewblinked.

Pettigrewblinked.Shestoodapprehensive,clutchingherhandbaginquiveringfingers,awaiting

thechillinginquiryofwhatherpresencemeant.Hotwavesofnervousdreadmadeherperspirejustalittle.Shewasalwaysatherworstatinterviews.Suddenlyshefeltterrified,defeated,forlorn,beforeeverthebattlecommenced.Peoplelikethese…anykindofemployer…wouldneveragainpayherforherservices.Shestoodasdignifiedaspossible,stoical,terrified,awaitingherdismissal.

Theyoungmanglancedatheramiably,withoutatraceofsurprise.“‘Morning.”“Goodmorning,”saidMissPettigrew.Shefeltsoweakshesimplysatdownbangonachair.“Didsheroutyououtofbedaswell?”“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“Awonder.Earlytobeabroadandfullyclad,isn’tit?”“Itisthirteenminutespastten,”saidMissPettigrewseverely.“Ah!Upallnight.Don’tbelieveintheseall-nightbingesmyself.Ilikemy

sleep.DeadalldayifIdon’tgetit.”“Ihavenotbeenupallnight,”saidMissPettigrew,beginningtofeel

bewildered.“Ialwaysdidadmirewomen.”MissPettigrewgaveitup.Theseconversationalpyrotechnicswerebeyond

her.Shestaredathim.Hewasdapper,neat,brisk,withbrilliant,liquidbrowneyesanddarkhair.Hehadajuttingnose,afull-lippedmouthandalookabouthimthatsaidhewasnotamantoplaytrickswith,yetahinthecouldbepleasantenoughiffolkswerepleasantwithhim.

“Andyes,”thoughtMissPettigrew;“somewhereinhisancestrytherehasbeenaJew.”

Hesaidinaconversationaltonetonooneinparticular,“Well,youmaybeinahurryandsatisfiedwithorangejuice,butI’mnot.I’mhungry.Iwantmybreakfast.”

“Breakfast?”gaspedMissLaFosse.“Breakfast!Youknowmymaid’sleft.Ican’tcook.Ican’tcookanythingbutaboiledegg.”

“Ihateboiledeggs.”MissLaFosse’seyesswivelledroundtoMissPettigrew.Herexpression

becameimploring,beseeching.“Canyoucook?”MissPettigrewstoodup.“WhenIwasagirl,”saidMissPettigrew,“myfathersaidthataftermydear

“WhenIwasagirl,”saidMissPettigrew,“myfathersaidthataftermydearmotherIwasthebestplaincookheknew.”

MissLaFosse’sfacebecameilluminedwithjoy.“Iknewit.TheminuteIlaideyesonyouIknewyouwerethekindofperson

tobereliedon.I’mnot.I’mnouseatall.Thekitchen’sthroughthatdoor.You’llfindeverythingthere.Buthurry.Pleasehurry.”

Flattered,bewildered,excited,MissPettigrewmadeforthedoor.Sheknewshewasnotapersontobereliedupon.Butperhapsthatwasbecausehithertoeveryonehadperpetuallytakenherinadequacyforgranted.Howdoweknowwhatlatentpossibilitiesofachievementwepossess?Chinup,eyesshining,pulsebeating,MissPettigrewwentintothekitchen.BehindherMissLaFosse’svoicecarriedon,“Nowyougoandgetshavedanddressed,Phil,andbythetimeyouarereadybreakfastwillbeready.Icansetthetable.”

InthekitchenMissPettigrewlookedabouther.Everythingwasuptodate.Tiledwalls,refrigerator,electricoven,pantrystockedtooverflowing,but,“ohdear,howuntidy,”thoughtMissPettigrew!“Andyes,notclean.Whoeverhadchargeherewasa…aslut.”

Shetookoffhercoatandhatandsettowork.Soontheblissfularomaoffriedhamandeggsandcoffeefilledtheair.Shediscoveredanelectrictoaster.Toasttookitscorrectplace.Shewentbackintotheroom.

“Everythingisready,MissLaFosse.”MissLaFosse’sfacetookonabrilliantsmileofthanks.Herhairwasnow

brushedandherlipscarminedandafaintfilmofpowdergavebloomtoherface.Shestillworethegorgeous,silknégligéthatmadeherlooksobreathtakinglylovelythatMissPettigrewthought,“NowonderPhilwantedhertogobacktobed.”Thenblushedapainful,agonizingredofaghastshamethatsuchathoughtcouldeventouchthefringeofhervirginmind.Andthen…andthenshethought,“MissLaFosse.Itcouldn’tbe.”

“There,”saidMissLaFossesolicitously.“You’vegoneallred.It’scookingoverahotstove.That’swhyI’venevercultivatedtheart.Itsimplyruinsthecomplexion.I’mterriblysorry.”

“It’sallright,”saidMissPettigrewwithresignation.“I’vereachedtheagewhen…whencomplexionsdon’tmatter.”

“Notmatter!”saidMissLaFosse,shocked.“Complexionsalwaysmatter.”Philcamebackintotheroom.Hewasnowfullydressedandworealotof

ringswithveryshiningstones.MissPettigrewprivatelyshookherhead.“Notingoodtaste,”shethought.“Gentlemenneverwearallthoserings.”“Ha!”ejaculatedPhil.“Mynosesmellsbreakfastandmystomachsaysits

“Ha!”ejaculatedPhil.“Mynosesmellsbreakfastandmystomachsaysitswaitingforit.Stoutwoman.”

MissPettigrewsmiledhappily.“Idohopeit’scookedtoyoursatisfaction.”“Suretobe.Myhostessisauselesshussy.I’mgladshehasusefulfriends.”Hebeamedamiably.Thenabruptly,boldly,frankly,MissPettigrew

acknowledgedtoherselfthatshelikedhim.“Ido,”sheapostrophizedhershockedotherselfdeterminedly.“Idon’tcare.I

do.He’snotquite…quitedelicate.Buthe’snice.Hedoesn’tcarewhetherI’mshabbyandpoor.I’malady,sohe’spoliteinhiswaytome.”

Perhapsitwasbecausehewasdifferentfromanyothermanshehadevermet.Hewasnotagentleman,yettherewassomethinginhischeerfulpleasantriesthatsuddenlymadeherfeelmorecomfortablyhappyandconfidentthanallthepolite,excludingcourtesiesthathadbeenhermeasurefrommenallherlife.MissLaFossewasspeakingtoher.

“I’vesetaplaceforyou.Evenifyou’vehadyourbreakfastacupofnicecoffeenevercomesamissatthistime.”

“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew,touched.“How…howexceptionallykindofyou.”Shesuddenlywantedtocry,butshedidn’t.Surprisinglysheliftedherhead

firmlyandsaidauthoritatively,“NowyoutwositdownandI’llservebreakfast.Everything’sready.”

Philenjoyedhisbreakfast.Heateleisurelythroughagrapefruit,hamandeggs,toastandmarmalade,fruit.Thenheleanedbackcomfortablyinhischairanddugoutofhispocketapacketofvillainous-lookingcheroots.

“Dashitall,I’msorry,”heapologizedtoMissPettigrew.“Haven’tgotacigaretteonmetoofferyou.Alwaysmeantocarry‘emandalwaysforget.”

MissPettigrewflutteredinherchairandlookedalittlepinkwithpleasure.Shecouldn’tlookquiteasantiquatedasshehadalwaysimaginedifamanthoughtshesmoked.

“Idowishyouwouldn’tsmokethosenastythings,”grumbledMissLaFosse.“Idon’tlikethesmell.”

“Forceofhabit,”saidPhilapologetically.“Bought‘emwhenIcouldn’taffordcigars,andnowIdon’twantcigars.”

“Oh,well.Everyonetohistaste,”saidMissLaFossephilosophically.AllthistimeMissPettigrew’sdelicatefemaleperceptionshadbeenaware

thattheirhostesswasinahighstateofagitationbehindhersmilingfront.SuddenlyMissLaFossejumpedtoherfeetandmadeforthekitchen.

“Imusthavesomemorecoffee.”MissPettigrewfollowedherwithhereyes.Shesawherstopinthedoorwayandmakefranticsignsofappeal.Miss

Shesawherstopinthedoorwayandmakefranticsignsofappeal.MissPettigrewhadneverbeenanactressinherlife,butnowshegaveabrilliantperformance.Sherosetoherfeetwithjusttherighttouchoftolerantamusementinhervoice.

“I’dbettergomyself.She’squitecapableofpouringitoverherself.”InthekitchenMissLaFosseclutchedherarmfrantically.“Youmustgethimout.MyGod!WhatshallIdo!Youmustgethimoutat

once.Youcandoitwithouthisguessing.I’msureyoucandoanything.Please,pleasegethimoutforme.”

Shewrungherhandsindistress,herlovelyfacequitewhitewithagitation.Thekitchenpulsedwithdrama.NoonecouldhaveresistedMissLaFosse’sappeal,letaloneMissPettigrewwithhersusceptibleheart.Shefeltstrongwithcompassionandsympathy,thoughforwhatshehadn’tthefaintestidea.Yetbehindhersolicitude,ratherguiltily,MissPettigrewfeltthemostglorious,exhilaratingsensationofexcitementshehadeverexperienced.“This,”thoughtMissPettigrew,“isLife.Ihaveneverlivedbefore.”

Butfeelingpitywasn’tenough.Thislovelychildlookedtohertoact.MissPettigrewhadneverinherlifebeforedealtwithasituationthatneededsuchfinesse.Whatshouldshedo?Hermindrangedinpanicoverherpastlife.Fromwhatexperiencecouldshedraw?ShethoughtofMrs.MortlemaninthatGolder’sGreenpostandherterriblehusbandshehadmanagedsowell.Ifonly…MissPettigrew,fromnowhere,feltanamazing,powerfulassurancepouringintoherveins.Thisbeautifulcreaturebelievedinher.Shewouldnotfailher.CouldaMissPettigrewnotbeaMrs.Mortleman?

“Ihavenever,”saidMissPettigrew,“toldablacklieinmylife,andveryfewwhiteones,butthereisalwaysatimetobegin.”

“Hemustn’tguessIwanthimaway.You’resureyouwon’tlethimguess.”“Hewon’tguess.”MissLaFosseflungherarmsroundMissPettigrewandkissedher.“Oh,youdarling!HowcanIthankyou?Oh,thankyou,thankyou…you’re

sureyoucanmanage?”“Leaveittome,”saidMissPettigrew.MissLaFossemadeforthedoor.

Calmly,collectedly,fullpowersincontrol,MissPettigrewchidedhergently.“You’veforgottenthecoffee.”MissPettigrewfilledthecoffeepot,turned

aroundandwentbackintotheroom.Herheartwasthumping,hercheekswereflushed,shefeltweakwithnervousness,butshehadneverfeltsoexhilaratedinherlife.Thingswerehappening.MissLaFossefollowedmeeklybehind.

MissPettigrewsatdown,pouredoutanothercupofcoffeeforherselfand

MissPettigrewsatdown,pouredoutanothercupofcoffeeforherselfandMissLaFosseandwaited,withdevilishtact,forafewminutes.Thatmarvelloussenseofassurancestillupheldher.Phillookedsetforthemorning.AtlastMissPettigrewspoke.Sheleanedforwardwithhergentle,engagingsmile.

“Youngman,IamabusywomanandIhavealotofthingstodiscusswithMissLaFosse.WouldyoumindverymuchifIweresorudeastoaskyoutoleaveusalonetogether?”

“Whatthings?”MissPettigrewwasnotbeaten.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewwithdelicatereserve.“Certainarticles…ofa

lady’sclothing…”“That’sallright.Iknowallabout‘em.”“Intheory,perhaps,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity.“Inpractice…Ihope

not.Wearefitting.”“Idon’tmindlearning.”“Youchoosetojoke,”saidMissPettigrewsternly.“O.K.”saidPhilresignedly.“I’llwaitinthebedroom.”MissPettigrewshookherheadwithgentleamusement.“Ifthatsuitsyou…butIdon’tthinkyou’lllikesittingforoveranhourina

coldbedroom.”“Youcan’tbediscussingunderclothesallthetime.”“Thereareotherfeminineinterests.”“Can’tIlistenin?”“Youcannot,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.“Whynot?Ain’titpureenoughformyears?”MissPettigrewstoodupanddrewherselftoherfullheight.“Iam,”saidMissPettigrew,“thedaughterofacurate.”Hewasquelled.“O.K.,sister.Youwin.I’llscram.”“Thecontaminatingeffect,”thoughtMissPettigrewseverely,“oftoomany

cheapAmericanfilms.”MissPettigrewherselfhelpedhimonwithhiscoat.AllthistimeMiss

LaFosseworeanairofvaguedetachment,asthoughshedidn’treallycarewhetherhewentorstayed,butonemusthumourthesemiddle-agedfemales.AndonceshewinkedathimatMissPettigrew’sexpense.MissPettigrewnoted,andhernew,indecorousselfgavefullmarksofapprovalforthedelicatetouchitgavetothewholeconspiracy.

“Well,goodbye,baby,”saidPhil.“Seeyouanon.”HetookMissLaFosseinhisarmsandkissedher,justasthoughhedidn’t

HetookMissLaFosseinhisarmsandkissedher,justasthoughhedidn’tcarewhetherMissPettigrewsawornot.And,ofcourse,hecouldn’tcare.MissPettigrewsatdownweakly.

“Ohdear!”MissPettigrew’svirginmindstrovewildlyforadjustment.“Kisses…infrontofme.Imeansuch…suchardentkisses.Notatallproper.”

Buthertraitorous,femaleheartturnedrightoverinherbodyandthoroughlysympathizedwiththelookofwhole-heartedenjoymentregisteredbyMissLaFosse’sface.AndeventhoughhewasobviouslyleftalittledrunkwiththereciprocatoryfervourofMissLaFosse’skisses,Philstill,verypolitely,rememberedtosaygoodbyetoherself.

AlastkissforMissLaFosse,alastwordforMissPettigrew,Philopenedthedoorandwasgone.

CHAPTERTWO

11.11AM—11.35AM

iththebangingofthedoorbehindPhil,thedooralsobangedonMissPettigrew’sexhilaratingfeelingofadventure,romanceandjoy.Shefeltsuddenlytired,inefficientandnervousagain.Shehadonlybeen

allowedtheprivilegeofseeingromanceforashorttime,butitwasnotreallyherportioninlife.Nowallthepractical,terrifyingworriesofherdailylifepouredbackintohermind.ShewasnowtheapplicantforapostandMissLaFosseherpossibleemployer.ShewouldneverlearnwhoPhilwas,orwhathislastnamewas,orwhyMissLaFossesourgentlywantedhimawaywhenshesoobviouslyenjoyedhiskisses.

Shepushedbackawispofstrayinghairwithshakingfingersandgatheredherselftogetherforthealwaysterrifyingordealofstatinghernegligiblequalifications.

“About…”beganMissPettigrewwithanattemptatfirmness.MissLaFosseswoopeddownonherandcaughtherhands.“You’vesavedmylife.HowcanIthankyou!You’vesavedmorethanmy

life.You’vesavedasituation.Iwasutterlylostwithoutyou.Inevercouldhavegothimawaymyself.Icanneverrepayyou.”

Theremembranceofsterndictums,“Tosucceed,seizeopportunitywhenitknocks,”cameintoMissPettigrew’smind.Withthelastremnantsofhercourageshebeganfeebly,“Butyoucan…”

MissLaFossedidn’thearher.Shebegantospeakurgentlyanddramatically,butMissPettigrewcouldseethatlaughterlitthebacksofMissLaFosse’seyesasmuchastosayshequiterealizedshewashopelessbuthopedMissPettigrewwouldhumourher.

“Isyourpulsefluttering?”askedMissLaFosse.“Isyoureyesightexcellent?”MissPettigrew’spulsewasfluttering,butshethought,“Onelietoday,why

nottwo?”“Mypulseisnotfluttering,”saidMissPettigrew,“Andmyeyesightis

excellent.”“Oh!”saidMissLaFosseingreatrelief.“Iknewyouwerethecalmkind.

“Oh!”saidMissLaFosseingreatrelief.“Iknewyouwerethecalmkind.Mineis,soIknowI’mtooagitatedtosee.Youknowthewayitisindetectivebooks.You’veclearedeverythingaway,orthinkyouhave,thenthedetectivesgoaroundsnoopingandtheydiscoverapipeoranalysesomeashandfindit’scigarashandthentheysay,‘Ha!Soyousmokeacigarnow,doyou,miss?’Andyou’redonefor.”

“Isee,”saidMissPettigrew,notseeingatall,completelybewildered,andwithvisionsofpolicemen,sergeants,detectives,descendingonMissLaFosse’sflat.

“Noyoudon’t.Imustexplaineverything.Nick’scomingthismorning.AtleastI’mperfectlycertainhe’llcome,justtotryandcatchmeout.He’swickedlyjealous.”

Sheexplainedthiswiththekindoftonethatsaid,“There,I’vetoldall,confessedall.NowI’mcompletelyatyourmercy,butIknowyouwon’tfailme.”

MissPettigrew,completelysubmergedinunknownwaters,didherbesttosurmountthewaves.

“Youmeananotheryoungmaniscomingthismorning?”shequestionedfaintly.

“That’sit,”saidMissLaFosseinrelief.“Iknewyou’dunderstand.Willyoucleareverythingaway,everysinglethingdowntohaircastings,thatmightfaintlyhintanothermanhasbeenpresent.”

ThewatersnearlywentoverMissPettigrew’shead,butshemanagedaweak,falteringvoice.

“Thesafestcoursewouldbenottolethimin.”“Oh.Icouldn’tdothat.”“Whynot?”questionedMissPettigrewinsurprise.“I’msortofafraidofhim,”saidMissLaFossesimply.“If,”saidMissPettigrewwithbrilliantcourage,“ifyouareafraidofthis

youngman,I…Iwillgotothedoorforyouandsayveryfirmlyyouare‘notathome‘.”

“Ohdear!”MissLaFossewrungherhands.“ButIdon’tthinkhe’llknock.Youseehe’sgotakey.He’lljustwalkin.AndIcouldn’tinanycase.Hepaystherent,youknow.Youseehowitis.”

“Isee,”saidMissPettigrewinasmallvoice.Shedidsee.Itwasnearlytoomuchforher.Sheknewsheshouldnowgatherherhatandcoat,elevatehernoseandwalkoutwithoutrageddignity.Butshecouldn’t.Sheheardhervoicesayingveryweakly,“Thencouldn’tyou…couldn’tyouhaveputofftheotheryoungmanlastnight?”

manlastnight?”“Ohdear!”saidMissLaFosse,againhopelessly.“It’ssoinvolved.Ididn’t

knowNickwascoming.Ionlygottoknowquitebychancelatelastnight.Hetoldmehewascominghometomorrow.He’sbeenaway,youknow.Ithinkhe…hedoubtsmealittle.SowhenPhilsaidcouldhecome,Isaidallright.AndthenwhenIheardaboutNickIcouldn’tputPhiloffwithoutaperfectlycast-ironexcuse,andI’mnotgoodatthem.AndIcouldn’tmakehimsuspicious.Hedoesn’tknowaboutNick.He’sgoingtobackmeinanewshow.Youseehowitis?”

“Isee,”saidMissPettigrew,shocked,excited,and,yes,thrilled.Thrilledrightdowntotheverymarrowofherbones.Whypretend?Thiswaslife.Thiswasdrama.Thiswasaction.Thiswasthewaytheotherhalflived.

“Soyouseewhatyou’vegottodo?”MissLaFossepleaded.“Youseehowvitalitis.You’resureyoucanmanage?”

MissPettigrewstoodstillandfoughtherfight.‘Standforvirtue’ranherfather’steachings.‘Castoutthesinner.Spurnhim.’Allhermaidenlyupbringing,herspinster’slifeofvirtue,hermoralbeliefs,raisedshockedhandsofindignation.Thensherememberedherplacesetattable,thecupsofcoffee,thethicklybutteredtoastpiledonherplate,which,hadMissLaFosseonlyknown,werethefirstfoodanddrinkshehadhadthatday.

“AsIsaidbefore,”remarkedMissPettigrew,“Ihaveexcellenteyesight.”Shewentintothebedroom.Whenshehadrapidlyerasedallpossiblemale

signsfromthebedroomandadjoiningbathroom,evendowntonailparings,shecamebackintothesittingroom.MissLaFossewasrecliningonthechesterfieldinfrontoftheelectricfire.Shehadbeenbusyherselfandclearedawayallthetell-talebreakfastdishes,butshestillworeherlovelynégligéthatmadeherlooklikeCircewithoutherwickedness.

“Now,”thoughtMissPettigrewmiserably,“itisreallybusiness.Nothingcanputitoffnow.”Shefeltasudden,unaccustomedstingatthebackofhereyes.Shehadlongagolearnedthattearswereneveranyuse.“Ohdear!”thoughtMissPettigrewsuddenly.“I’msotired,soterriblytiredofbusinessandlivinginotherpeople’shousesandbeingdependentontheirmoods.”

ShewalkedacrosstheroomslowlywiththehopelessdignityofthepetitionerandsatdownonacomfortablechairoppositeMissLaFosse.Shefoldedherhandsonherlapandheldthemveryfirmlytogether.ShenowbelieveditwasquitepossibleMissLaFossemighthaveafewstraychildrentuckedawaysomewhere,butwasbeginningtobedoubtfulwhetherherpastobligingwillingnesstohelpinthewayofdeceitwouldnowrecommendhertotheir

willingnesstohelpinthewayofdeceitwouldnowrecommendhertotheirmother.Motherswerequeercreatureswheretheirchildrenwereconcerned.Sauceforthegoosewasnotsauceforthegander.

“About…”beganMissPettigrewdesperately.MissLaFosseleanedforwardeagerly.“Iseverythingallright?”“Absolutely,”saidMissPettigrew.“Youcansetyourmindatrest.”“Oh,youdarling!”MissLaFosseleanedforwardimpulsivelyandkissedher

again,andthere,rightonMissPettigrew’sclaspedhands,felltwodropsofwaterandtwomoreweretricklingdownhercheeks.MissPettigrewflushedadelicatepink.

“Ihavenot,”saidMissPettigrewinhumbleexcuse,“hadmuchaffectioninmylife.”

“Oh,youpoorthing,”saidMissLaFossegently.“I’vealwayshadsuchalot.”“I’mglad,”saidMissPettigrewsimply.AfterthattheywerefriendsandMissLaFosse,tactfully,ignoredthetears.“About…”beganMissPettigrewagain.“It’sbecauseyou’resounderstanding,”brokeinMissLaFosseeagerly.“Ifelt

itatonce.I’mverygoodatfirstimpressions.Here’sawoman,Ithought,whowouldn’tletanotherwomandown.”

“No.Iwouldn’tdothat,”saidMissPettigrew.“Iknewit.I’vetrespassedonyourkindnessalot,Iknow,butdon’tyouthink

youcouldstayabit?Imean,Nickmightbehereanyminute.I’dappreciateitalot.”

“Stay,”saidMissPettigrew.“Yes,”saidMissLaFossepleadingly.“If…ifIcouldbeofanyassistance,”saidMissPettigrew.“Yousee,Nick’saverydangerousperson.That’swhyhehadn’ttolearnof

Phil.He’smoremoneythanPhil.He’smoreinfluencethanPhil.HemightquiteeasilydosomethingthatmighthurtPhil.Icouldn’thavethathappen.Imean,itwouldn’tbefair.Afterall,IledPhilon.Phil’swillingtobackmeinashow.Nickwon’t.He’stoojealous.Hewon’thelpmeaninchwithmycareer,andhowevermuchyoulikeamanyoustillwantyourcareer.SoyouseeIcouldn’thaveNicktryingtohurtPhil.”

“No,”agreedMissPettigrewfirmly.“Itwouldn’tbefair.”“IknowallthebadthingstherearetoknowaboutNick,butit’snouse.When

he’sthereIcan’tresisthim.I’vebeentryingtoforalongtime.He’sbeenawayforthreeweeksandI’vesurvivedquitebeautifully,soIthoughtnoworneveristhetimetobreak.That’swhyIwantyoutostay.MeethimaloneandIknowI’m

thetimetobreak.That’swhyIwantyoutostay.MeethimaloneandIknowI’mlost.AlreadyIcanfeelquiversofexpectation.Soyousee,whenIwaver,andIknowI’llwaver,Iwantyoutobestrongforme.”

MissPettigrewnowforgotallaboutheroriginalerrand.Forthefirsttimefortwentyyearssomeonereallywantedherforherselfalone,notforhermeagrescholarlyqualifications.Forthefirsttimefortwentyyearsshewasherself,awoman,notapaidautomaton.ShewassointoxicatedwithprideshewouldhavecondonedfarworsesinsthanMissLaFossehavingtwoyoungmeninlovewithher.Sheputitlikethat.Shebecameatoncejudicial,admonitoryandquestioning.

“Iwouldn’tthinkofadvisingnormally,”saidMissPettigrew,“butI’magreatdealolderthanyouandshallactintheplaceofamother.Ifyouareafraidofthisnewyoungman,wouldn’titbeeasytoseverallconnexionwithhim?Imean,hecan’tdoanythingtoyou.Justfixyourmindonthat.”

“Iknow,”saidMissLaFossesadly,“butyoudon’tquiteunderstandyet.”“IalwaysconsideredIhadaveryreceptiveintelligence,”hintedMiss

Pettigrewfalsely.“Iknowyouhave,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Iseeyouwillunderstand.”Sheleanedforward.“Haveyouever,”saidMissLaFosseearnestly,“hadstrangefeelingsinyour

stomachwhenamankissedyou?”“Where,”thoughtMissPettigrewwildly,“haveIreadthatthereissomething

inthestomachthatrespondstoosculation.Orwasitthestomach?Itdoesn’tmatter.Imustreassureher.”

“Don’tbealarmed,”saidMissPettigrewweakly.“Iunderstandthatitisascientificfactthatthestomach…”

“I’mnotalarmed,”saidMissLaFosse.“That’sjustit.Iloveit.It’snouse.Ican’tescapehim.HejustlooksatmeandI’mwaxinhishands.”

“Afirmwill…”beganMissPettigrewhesitatingly.“I’marabbit,”saidMissLaFosse,“andhe’sasnake.Whenasnakefixesa

rabbitwithitseyes,therabbithasnowill.Itstaysthere.Itwantstostaythere,evenifitdoesmeanitsdeath.”

“Oh,notdeath,”saidMissPettigrew,shocked.“Worsethanthat,”saidMissLaFosse.Shegottoherfeetabruptly,wentintothebedroomandreturnedwithasmall

packet,whichsheopenedandplacedonMissPettigrew’sknees.“Doyouknowwhatthatis?”“Itlooks,”saidMissPettigrewcautiously,“verylikeaBeecham’sPowder.

“Itlooks,”saidMissPettigrewcautiously,“verylikeaBeecham’sPowder.Verygood,Iunderstand,fornerves,stomachandrheumatism.”

“That’scocaine,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ohno!No!”Terrified,aghast,thrilled,MissPettigrewstaredattheinnocent-looking

powder.Drugs,theWhiteSlaveTraffic,wickeddivesofiniquity,typifiedinMissPettigrew’smindbyredplushandgiltandmenwithsinisterblackmoustaches,roamedinwildarraythroughhermind.Whatdangerousdenofvicehadshediscovered?Shemustflybeforeshelosthervirtue.Thenhercommonsenseunhappilyremindedherthatnoone,now,wouldcaretodepriveherofthatpossession.ItwasMissLaFossewhowasindanger.Shemustsaveher.Shejumpedtoherfeet,toreintothekitchen,scatteredthepowderdownthesinkandreturnedtriumphant.

“There!”shesaidbreathlessly.“Thatbitoftemptationisbeyondyourreachnow.”

Shesatdownweakly.“Tellme,”shesaidinimploringaccents.“YouhavenotContractedThe

Habit?”“No,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ihaven’ttakenanyyet.IfIdid,Michaelmight

see.There’snofliesonMichael.Ifhegottoknowhe’dwanttobeatthedaylightoutofme.He’sliabletobeatthedaylightoutofme.Thenhe’dbeofftomurderthemanthatgaveitme.”

“Michael!”saidMissPettigrewfaintly.“Notanotheryoungman?”“Oh,no!”deniedMissLaFossehastily.“Notabitlikethat.”Shestaredatthefire.“Michael,”explainedMissLaFossegloomily,“wantstomarryme.”“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewweakly.“Awoman’sgottolookoutforthesemen,”saidMissLaFossedarkly.“If

youdon’tyou’llfindyourselfbeforethealtarbeforeyouknowwhereyouare,andthenwhereareyou?”

BangwentallMissPettigrew’scherishedbeliefs:scatteredhernaiveimaginingsthatonlythemendreadedthealtar:goneforeverherformerunsophisticatedoutlook.“I’velivedtoosecludedalife,”thoughtMissPettigrew.“I’venotappreciatedhowmyownsexhasadvanced.It’stimeIrealizedit.”

Sheoughttohavesaid,“Mydear,agoodman’sloveisnottobescorned.”Butshedidn’t.Sheshuthermouthwithasnap.Noneofthatweakwomanstuffhere.ShesawhowridiculoushadbeenherwildthoughtsofprotectingMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewsatup.

“You’vesaidit,baby,”saidMissPettigrewcalmly,happily,blissfully.

“You’vesaidit,baby,”saidMissPettigrewcalmly,happily,blissfully.“Eh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Americanslang,”explainedMissPettigrew.“Ihearditatthepictures.”“Oh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Ihavealwayslonged,”explainedMissPettigrew,“sometimestouseslang.

Toletmyselfgo,youunderstand.ButIcouldneverpermitmyself.Becauseofthechildren,youknow.Theymighthaveheard.”

“Oh,quite,”saidMissLaFossebewildered.“I’mgladyouunderstand,”saidMissPettigrewsimply.“I’mgladyouunderstandaboutNick.”“Ofcourse,”saidMissPettigrew.Sheraisedherhead.“He’swickedandhandsomeandfascinating,”saidMissPettigrewinaclear

voice,“buthe’slifeandexcitementandthrills.”“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“Andthisgoodyoungman,thisMichael,whowantstomarryyou,hasallthe

virtues,buthe’sdull.Hehasnofire…noimagination.Hewouldstifleyourspirit.Youwantcolour,life,music.Hewouldofferyoua…ahouseinsurburbia,”endedMissPettigrewbrilliantly.

MissLaFossegaveheraquicklookunderherlashes.“Well…”beganMissLaFosseguiltily,“Idon’tknowthat…”“NeitherdoI,”saidMissPettigrewsimply.“Icannotadviseyou.Itwouldbe

impertinent.Myownlifehasbeenafailure.HowcouldIadviseothers?”“Oh,”saidMissLaFosse.Shesaidnothingmore.“Youlook,”saidMissPettigrewshyly,“solovelyinthat…thatarticleof

clothing.Icanquiteunderstandalltheyoungmenfallinginlovewithyou.Idon’tthink,mydear,youneeddecideaboutyourfutureyet.”

MissLaFosseleanedforward,asmilepartingherdelightfulmouth.“Doyouthinkso?”sheaskedeagerly.“Ikeptitondeliberately.Youknow,I

thinkthere’ssomethingsortof,well,especiallyfetchingaboutanégligé,don’tyouthink?Andmenaresodifficultinthemorning.”

Fromheronetremendousexperienceoflivinginahousewheretheeldestdaughterwasabouttobemarried,MissPettigrewagreedsagely.

“A…asortofwantonattraction.”MissPettigrewblushedforheradjective.“Veryhardforthementoresist.”

“Youunderstandperfectly,”saidMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewsuddenlyremembered.Shegaspedindistress.“But,MissLaFosse,”saidMissPettigrewinagitation,“you’reslipping

“But,MissLaFosse,”saidMissPettigrewinagitation,“you’reslippingalready.Youmustn’tdoit.Youshouldn’twanttobeattractive.Youshoulddressyourplainest.Youshouldtryandrepelhim.”

“Iknow,”confessedMissLaFosseguiltily,“butIjustcan’thelp…”Theyheardthefaintsoundofakeybeinggentlyinsertedinthelock.They

eachgaveawildglanceattheother.ThenMissPettigrewwastreatedtoabrilliantpieceofacting.MissLaFosselaybackquickly.

“Ialwaysconsider,”saidMissLaFosseinalazy,languidvoice,“thatbluesuitsmebest.Itbringsoutthecolourofmyeyes.”

Thedooropenedandshut.MissPettigrewsatindumbadmirationwhilesurprise,unbelief,joyinturnstookdeceitfulpossessionofMissLaFosse’sface.Shejumpedtoherfeet.Therewasaflutterofdraperies,arushacrosstheroomwithoutstretchedarms.

“Nick,”criedMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewavertedhereyeshastily.“Ohdear!”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Not…notagain…sopublicly.AndI

alwaysthoughttheyexaggeratedkissesonthefilms.”

CHAPTERTHREE

11.35AM—12.52PM

issLafossedisengagedherselffromthenewcomer’sarmsandMissPettigrewsawhimclearlyforthefirsttime.Graceful,lithe,beautifullypoisedbody.Dark,vividlooks:aperfectionoffeatureandcolouring

rareinaman.Brilliant,piercingeyesofadarkbluish-purplecolour:abeautiful,cruelmouth,abovewhichasmallblackmoustachegavehimalookofsophisticationandasubtleairofdegeneracythathaditsownappeal.Somethingpredatoryinhisexpression:somethingfascinatingandinescapableinhispersonality.

MissPettigrewroseslowlyfromherchairwithaqueerfeelingofhelplessness.SheunderstoodimmediatelyMissLaFosse’ssubjection.Itonlyneededonelook.Shehadseenhiscounterpartadozentimesonthefilms,young,fascinating,irresistibletowomen,supremelyassuredofhispower,utterlycallouswhenthemoment’sfancypassed.Shehadseentheheroineadozentimesnearlylosehappinessbecauseofhisattentions.ButtherewasnoherotosaveMissLaFosse.

“Queer,”thoughtMissPettigrewhelplessly,“onereadsaboutthesemen.Oneseesthemonthefilms.Oneneverthinkstomeetthemindailylife,buttheydoexistafterall.”

MissLaFossestoodawayfromhervisitor.Hercat’slookofcontentmentaftercreambecametingedwithanervoustension.NicknownoticedMissPettigrew.Hisfaceimmediatelydarkened.HeflungMissLaFosseanangry,questioningglance.

“Oh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Thisismyfriend…myfriend…Alice.”Shegatheredherselftogetherandmadeamorepoliteintroduction.“Alice,meetNick.Nick,thisismyfriendAlice.”“How-do-you-do?”askedMissPettigrewpolitely.“Howdo?”saidNickcurtly.HisglanceflickedoverherandMissPettigrewbecameawareatonceofher

age,herdowdyclothes,herclumsyfigure,herwispyhair,hersallowcomplexion.Sheflushedapainfulred.Herminddislikedhimatonce:her

complexion.Sheflushedapainfulred.Herminddislikedhimatonce:heremotionswereenslaved.

Itwasn’tonlygoodlooks.Hislooksweremerelyanextra,naturallyhelpfulbutnotnecessary.Itwassomethinginthemanhimself.Theroomwasinaninstantfilledwithhispresence.Allthewomenofanycompanywouldatonceberivalsforhisnotice.Perhapsitwasanaurathatsentoutwavesofchallengetothefemaleineverywoman.MissPettigrewfeltit.MissPettigrewrespondedtoit.Shecouldn’thelpit.HerfemininesusceptibilitiessimplyturnedtraitoronherandshewouldhavegiventenyearsofherlifeforhimtokissherashehadkissedMissLaFosse.ShealmostdidhateMissLaFosseforheryouth,herbeauty,hercharm.Notforlong,though.Shewasnotasstupidasallthat.

Hewasnotgood.MissPettigrewknewthat:fromwhatMissLaFossehadtoldherandfromsomethingaboutthemanhimself.Thatwaswhyhewassofascinating.MissPettigrew’sintelligencewasquiteuptothesubtleattractionofaspiceofwickednessagainstthedullnessoftoomuchvirtue.

“Ohdear!”shethought.“Thesemen.They’rewicked,butitdoesn’tmatter.Theysimplyleavethegoodmenstandingstill.IfonlyMichaelhadbeenalittlelessgoodandproperhemighthavehadachance,butasitis,againstamanlikethis,whatordinarymanhasalookin?It’snouse,wewomenjustcan’thelpourselves.Whenitcomestolovewe’rebornadventurers.”

Shesighed.Theproblemwasgoingtobeadifficultone.Shequiteforgotinherexcitementthatanyminuteshemightbeejectedsummarily.ShehadnowcompletelyidentifiedherselfwithMissLaFosseandfeltshehadknownherallherlife.

MissLaFossewasstandingeyeingthembothalittlenervously.Hersmilehadlostitslovelyassuranceandhadthatfaintlyplacatingnervousnessaboutitofawomanwholongsfor,yetdoubts,hercompletepoweroveraman.

“Comeandsitdown,”saidMissLaFossetoNickpropitiatingly.“Oh,mydear,”thoughtMissPettigrew,“thatothermannerismuchthebest.

A…asortofregalindifference.Thiskindofcreaturerespectsthat.Theminutehethinksyou’reallhis,you’lllosehim.”

Herworldlywisdomalmostdumbfoundedher.Shehadtocallhiminhermindcreature,upstart,mountebank,tosaveherselffallinginlovewithhim.Ifhehadonlyoncelookedather,kissedher,thewayhehadMissLaFosse,sheknewshewouldhavebeenhisslave.

“Whowouldeverhavethoughtit,”worriedMissPettigrew,“atmyage?Iamaverystupidwoman.AsifIdidn’tknowhethinksI’manoldbacknumberandwantsmeaway.”

IntruththeveryairroundNickwasthickwithangeratherpresence.Hehad

IntruththeveryairroundNickwasthickwithangeratherpresence.HehadcomejealouslypreparedtofindMissLaFossenotalone,buthehadnotexpectedaMissPettigrew.Thisoldfoolseemedsetfortheday.MissPettigrewfeltthesewavesofthought.Suddenlyallherolddeprecatingnervousnesscrowdedbackonher.

“ShouldIgo?”shethoughtinterror.“Afterall,Iamanintruder.IexpectevenMissLaFosseisthinkingI’maninterferingbusybodyandwishesIwouldhavethesensetogoanddidn’treallymeanshewantedmetostay.”

Hotwithdiscomfortshebegantotremblealittle.Allherlovely,newsenseofassurancevanished.ShewasMissPettigrew,theinefficientnurserygovernessagain,nervous,futile,helpless.Shefumbledatthebackofachair.ThenshelookedatMissLaFosse.

MissLaFossegaveherabrilliant,friendly,reassuringsmile.AndquitesuddenlyMissPettigrewwasimmune:safefromhisdislike:safe

fromhischarm.Hecouldturnonhisfascinationactasmuchasheliked.Shewouldn’tfallforit.Hecouldbeasrudeasheliked,andshethought,ifgoaded,hecouldbeveryrude;shewasimpervioustoinsult.Hereshewasandhereshewouldstay.OnlyMissLaFossecouldturnherout.

MissPettigrewsatdownonherchairagain,serene,composed,setfortheday.

Nickglaredather,metthesolidwallofherindifference,andturnedslowlytoMissLaFosse.

“Ithoughtyouwouldbealone.”MissLaFossejumpedathisdeadlytone.“Butyousaidtomorrow,”shepleadednervously.“Youdistinctlysaid

tomorrow.”“Iknow,butIpushedthebusinessthroughadayearlierandcamestraight

back.Ithoughtyouwouldbegladtohavemebacksooner.”“Oh,darling,Iamglad.”MissLaFossecametohimwithoutstretchedarms.

“I’vemissedyoulikehell.Ithoughtyou’dnevercomeback.”“Verybadbeginning,”worriedMissPettigrew.“Notatallthekindof

greetingtoleaduptoaparting.”Nicklookedplacated.Hegaveheraquickkiss,merelyasatasteofwhatwas

tocome,finishingwithanunderstandingglance.Obviouslyshedidn’tliketoberudetotheoldfool,buthedidn’tmindintheslightest.HeputhertoonesideandcametorestinfrontofMissPettigrew.

“Ididn’tcatchthename,”saidNickinhismostinsultingvoice.MissPettigrewsatsecurebeneaththemantleofMrs.Jackaman,four

MissPettigrewsatsecurebeneaththemantleofMrs.Jackaman,foursituationsprevious.Howsuperblyshehadcounteredtheinsultsofanabominablehusbandbyablandunawareness,untilblaspheminghehadtornfromthehouseandlefthertoalittlepeace.

“Pettigrew,”saidMissPettigrewhelpfully;“souncommon,isn’tit?Mydearfatherusedtosay…”

“Toouncommonnottoletittravelaround,”saidNickominously.“Ah!”saidMissPettigrewsadly.“I’veneverbeenagoodtraveller.I

rememberonce…”“I’vebeenawaythreeweeks,”saidNick,beginningtogetwarm.“Wellnow,Idohopeyouhadaniceholiday,”saidMissPettigrewkindly.

“Doyouintendtotravelmuchfurther?Theweatherhasbeensounsettled.”“IhavesomethingtosaytoMissLaFosse,”saidNick,gettingstillmore

furious.“Somethingyouforgottowrite?Butthere,thepostthesedaysisdisgraceful.

ButthetelephoneissuchaconvenienceIsimplycannotthinkwhatwewoulddo…”

“Ithoughtshewouldbealone,”saidNick,holdingbackanexplosionwithdifficulty.

“Greatminds…”saidMissPettigrewbrightly.“JustwhatIhopedmyself.IwassogladtofindMissLaFossealonetoday.I’vebeenlookingforwardtosuchalongchat,butitwasniceofyoutopopinasyoupassed.”

Nickwasredintheface.MissLaFossepainfullyawaitedtheexplosion.“Mostofherfriendshavetact,”saidNickpointedly,inalastragingeffort

towardspeaceableejection.“Therenow,”saidMissPettigrewcheerfully.“Iknewyouhad.Itmakesitso

mucheasier.Soniceofyoutounderstand.AssoonasIsawyouIthought…”“Tohellwithwhatyouthought.WillYouGo?”explodedNick.“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“!!!…???…!!!…???…!!!”“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.MissLaFossestartedforward.ShethrewawildlookatMissPettigrew’s

shockedcountenance,andadistractedlookatNick’sragingone.“Nick,darling,dositdownandletmehavealookatyou.”Nickwastoodumbfoundedtoresist.Shehelpedhimoffwithhiscoat.She

pulledhimontothechesterfieldandsatdownbesidehim.NickgaveMissPettigrewonemoreglare,shruggedhisshouldersandproceededtoforgether.AsMissLaFossehadthought,thenégligéwasveryseductive.

BythistimeMissPettigrewwasgettingalmosthardened.

BythistimeMissPettigrewwasgettingalmosthardened.“Well,”shethoughtweakly,“theydon’tseemtomind.WhyshouldI?Ithink

before,perhaps,I’veheldtoonarrowviews.This…thislovemakingseemsaverypleasantbusiness.”

Shesatupandbegantotakequiteaninterestinthetechnique.“Ah!”thoughtMissPettigrewsagely,“withPhilitwasonlyabusiness,a

pleasantbusiness,butonlypartoftheday’sroutine.ButwithNick,everygesture,everycaressconveystheimpressionyouaretheonewomanintheworld.Whocouldresisthim?”

AfterawhileMissLaFosseandNickrelaxedforair.HenowtookMissPettigrewquitephilosophically.Iftheoldlady—everyonetoNickwasoldoverthirty-three—didn’tmindabitofpetting,hewasn’ttheonetodepriveherofherenjoyment.Sherathercrampedhisstyle,butitwasstillearly.Nightwas,afterall,thebesttime.Worth-whilepleasuresneverlosttheirflavourforalittlepostponement.

Hesatup.“Icoulddowithadrink.”“SocouldI,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Youknowwherethestuffis.”“O.K.What’llitbe?”“Well,”ponderedMissLaFosse,“mixmeoneofyourSpecials,Nick.There’s

awallopinthemthatsetsyouupfortheday.”“Anythingyousay.What’syours?”“Me?”saidMissPettigrew.“You.”“Adrink?”“It’sbeenmentioned.”MissPettigrewnearlysaid,“Oh,nothankyou,”inaflutterofgenteeldenial.

Butshedidn’t.Nother.Notnow.Shestoppedherselfintime:justintime.Shewasgoingtoacceptnoweverythingthatcamealong.

Fromthisoneday,droppedoutoftheblueintoherlap,shewasgoingtosavoureverythingitofferedher.

“Iwilltake,”saidMissPettigrew,withcalmness,withease,withassurance,“alittledrysherry,ifyouplease.”

Sheconsideredthe‘dry’theperfecttouch.NotSherry.Anyonecouldsaythat.“Drysherry.”Thatshowedpoise,sophistication,theexperiencedpalate.Itraisedherprestige.Shehadnoideawhatthedrymeant,butsheremembereddistinctlythehusbandofherlastsituationbutone,whohadalwaysterrifiedherbyhisboomingirritation,cursingthis‘damneddrysherry’andshewasquite

byhisboomingirritation,cursingthis‘damneddrysherry’andshewasquitesurewhathedidn’tlike,shewould.

Nicklookedunimpressed.“Sureyouwon’thaveaHorse’sFillip,too?”MissPettigrew’sresolutiontoexperienceeverythingwaveredalittle.“Oh,Ithinknot,”shesaidhurriedly,“notinamorning.Justalittledry

sherry,please.”Nickwentintothekitchen.MissLaFosseleanedforward.Shefeltresponsible

forNick’sbehaviourandhislanguagewasnotsuitableforladieslikehernewfriend.

“Youmustn’tmindNick’slanguage,”shewhispered.“Imean,hedoesn’tmeananything.It’sjustlikeyouormesaying‘Ohbother’or‘dratit’.”

MissPettigrewraisedherhead.Herexpressionbecameveryfirm.“Mydear,Idon’tliketobeunpleasant,butI’mafraidIdon’tbelievethat

excuse.IamalotolderthanyouandduringmylifetimeIhaveheardagreatmanypeoplesaytheydon’tmeanathing,whentheyknowperfectlywelltheydo.It’sjustaweakexcuseforabadhabit.IfIwereyouIwoulduseyourinfluenceonthatyoungmanto,well,moderatehislanguage.Youknow,mydear,intheendayoungmanthinksalotmoreofayoungladywhoinsistsondecoruminherpresence.I…Ihopeyoudon’tmindmytellingyouthis,butIam,asIsay,almostoldenoughtobeyourmother.”

TherewastheloveliesttwinkleinMissLaFosse’seyes,kindly,affectionate,butsheveileditdiscreetly.Shewouldn’thavehurtMissPettigrewforworlds.

“I’lltry,”saidMissLaFossemeekly.“I’lldomybest.I’mquitesureyou’requiterightaboutit.”

TheycouldheartheclinkofglassesinthekitchenandNickmovingabout.Hewashummingwithalow,cheerfulsoundapopulartune.Suddenlythehummingstopped,tobesucceededbyaterrifyingsilence.MissPettigrewlookedatMissLaFosse.MissLaFosselookedatMissPettigrew.HerfacewassuddenlystrainedwiththeexpressionofrigidapprehensionwornonMissPettigrew’sfirstviewofher.

ThekitchendooropenedandNickstoodonthethreshold.MissPettigrewfeltasuddenshiverrundownherspine.Allhispleasantamiabilitywasgone.Hisfacewasmenacing,frightening.MissPettigrewunderstoodatoncethatitwasnomerejokethatsomemenweretobefeared.Hervague,developingbeliefthatalltheseamazinginterludesweresomekindofcharmingjokeshehadbeenprivilegedtosharevanishedabruptlyandsherealizedshewasnowinthemiddleofanewsituationthatnolongerheldhumour.

ShesawMissLaFosse’slovelyfacegoalmostgreenwithfrightunderNick’s

ShesawMissLaFosse’slovelyfacegoalmostgreenwithfrightunderNick’sterriblestare.

“Sincewhen,”askedNickinalow,deadlyvoice,“haveyoustartedsmokingcheroots?”

MissPettigrew’sfirstimpulsewastoexplodeintogigglesandshesawthatthesameunbalancedmirththreatenedMissLaFossebehindherterror.Shecouldhear,quiteplainly,MissLaFossesaying,“Thenthedetectivesnoopsaroundandsays,‘Ha!Soyousmokeacigarnow,doyou,miss?’”

MissLaFossewasquiteincapableofspeaking.MissPettigrewsawthateverythingnowdependedonher.

Hermindwhirleddizzily,thenburstlikearocketintodazzlinglight.SherememberedMrs.Brummegan,herlastemployer:chestlikeahill,noselikeahorse,mouthlikeaclamp,chinlikeahatchet,voicelikearasp,mannercalculatedtoaweabrigadier.HerlifewithMrs.Brummeganhadbeentwoyearsofsheer,undilutedhell.Butshewasthankfulforitnow.Italllayinthemanner.Mannercanputoveranything,andwho,betterthanshe,knewjusthowMrs.Brummegandidit?NooneeverdareddoubtMrs.Brummegan.Thiswashermoment.

MissPettigrewstoodup.Shestalkedacrosstheroom,arroganceandcontemptinherstride.Shepickedupherhandbaglyingonachair.Sheturned:sheglancedatNick,chinup,eyesblazing,voicerasping.

“Youngman,”saidMissPettigrew,“ifthere’sonethingIcompletelyabominateit’stheeffeminatetypeofmanthatsnoopsroundahouselikeanold,peekingbusybody.IamMissLaFosse’sguest.Ifshedoesn’tmind,it’snobusinessofyours.IfIwanttosmokecheroots,I’llsmokecheroots,insteadofthosedamned,sillycigarettes.I’vereachedtheagewhenIcanpleasemyselfandImeantopleasemyselfandtohellwithyouropinion.Haveone.Icanrecommendthem.”

MissPettigrewopenedherbag.Shetookoutawornpacketofcheroots.Shehelditout.Itwasacrisis.Shesnorted,sheglared.

Nickwasvanquished.Hereachedout,tookthepacket,comparedthecheroots.Hedroppedthehalf-burnedendontherugandgrounditwithhisheel.HewalkedovertoMissLaFosseandstoodoverher.HesaidinasoftvoicethatmadeMissPettigrewshiver,“Youwouldn’tfoolme,wouldyou?”

MissLaFossemadealightningrecovery.Shewasnotanactressfornothing.Shejumpedtoherfeetwithapetulantgesture.

“Oh,forGod’ssake,Nick!Whenwillyoustophavingheroics?IsaidIwouldn’thaveanymenintheplace.Nowareyousatisfied?Where’sthatdrink,

wouldn’thaveanymenintheplace.Nowareyousatisfied?Where’sthatdrink,orhaveIgottogetitmyself?”

“Sorry.”HeflunganabruptarmroundMissLaFosseandkissedher.MissPettigrew

didahastydisappearingactintothebedroom.“Ohdear!”shegaspedtoherself.“There’stimeswhentwoarecompany.I

didn’tknowtherewerekisseslikethat.”ShewasinsuchatremblingstateofreactionafterMrs.Brummeganthatshe

feltlikecollapsing,butshedidn’tdare.ShehadtosustainMrs.Brummegantotheend.ShequiteforgotintheheatofthemomentthatitwouldbethebestthingpossibleifNickdidflyoffthehandleanddepartinarage.Nickhadfrightenedher.HehadfrightenedMissLaFosse.Hemustnotbeallowedtodoitagain.Afterahastyterrifiedglanceatherselfintheglass,shereturnedtothesitting-room.

Nickwasbringinginthedrinksonatray.MissLaFossewassittingquietlywiththeradiant,shininglookonherfaceofthewomanwhohasjustbeenthoroughlyandsatisfactorilykissed.ItcaughtatMissPettigrew’sheart.Itmadeherlooksodefenceless.ThenMissPettigrewrememberedagain.

“He’sgotheragain,”thoughtMissPettigrew,“butIwon’tlethim.I’llsaveheryet.”

Nickbroughtupherdrink.MissPettigrewtookherglasswithoutawordanddowneditlikeatoper,withoutasinglethoughtofitspossibleeffectonherwits.

“That,”remarkedMissPettigrew,“wasverygood.I’llhaveanother.”MissLaFosseandNickwerestillsippingtheirfirst.Nickgaveheran

admiringglance.Shehadgoneupinhisestimation.Theolddamehadguts:smokingcherootsandbendingherelbowwiththebest.

“Sureyouwon’thaveawhisky?”heofferedsolicitously.“There’ssuretobesomeinthecupboard.”

“No,thankyou,”saidMissPettigrewblandly.“Ipreferthemlightinthemorning.”

Hervoicehintedatdarkhoursofintemperanceintheevening.“Ohdear!”shethoughtwildly,“itcan’tpossiblybemespeakinglikethat.

What’scometome?What’shappeningtome?”Butshedidn’tcare.Notreally.Thethoughtwasonlyaguilty,placating

concessiontowardsherformervalues.Theexcitementofadventurehadenteredfullyintoher,andalso,perhaps,alittleofthewinetoherhead.Shewasreadyforanything.

Nickbroughtherdrink.“Youngman,”saidMissPettigrew,“whenyouarenotbeingafussyold

“Youngman,”saidMissPettigrew,“whenyouarenotbeingafussyoldwoman,Iquitelikeyou.”

“Thanks,”saidNickwithagrin.“You’realady.”Theydranktoeachother.ThisfriendlylittleinterludehadnotatalllessenedMissPettigrew’s

determinationtotearMissLaFossefromhisgrasp.Itwasmerelythepoliteexchangeofamenitiesduringanarmistice.

Theyfinishedtheirdrinks.Nickstoodup.“I’vegottoseeDalton.Business.OrI’dtakeyoutolunch.He’sputtingup

halfthemoneyandwe’reopeninganewplace.Can’taffordtooffendhim.Seeyoutonight.”

“Oh!”exclaimedMissLaFosse.Sheweakened.“When?”“I’llcollectyouwhenyourturnsareoverandwe’llcomestraightback.”MissLaFosse’shandwaslyingalongthearmofherchair.Heleaned

forward,closedhishandonherwristandstoodlookingather.MissLaFosseraisedhereyestohisandtheyremainedsilent.

MissPettigrewfeltafaintingsensationinsideandaqueerfeeling,thatwasalmostpain,rightinthepitofherstomach,preciselyasMissLaFossehadoncesaid.Thelookwasnotforher.Noonehadeverlookedatherlikethat,butsheknewexactlywhatMissLaFossewasfeeling:breathlessness,terror,ecstasy;aslowmeltingofallhersensestowardstremblingsurrender.AndthelookonNick’sfacemadeonewanttogivehimanythingheasked.EvenMissPettigrewfelttheeffect,knowingwhatsheknew.Toanoutsideritwastwoloversforthefirsttimecatchingaglimpseofinnocent,earthlyparadise:toaninsider,likeMissPettigrew,itwasaverywickedmanseducingadarlingladytoherdamnation.

YetonlybyaneffortofcommonsensecouldMissPettigrewkeepinmindthatNickwasreallyanevil,selfishman,whoayeartodaymightbelookingatanotherwomanwiththesamecompellingurge,whilepoorMissLaFossemightberuinedandbroken-hearted.MissPettigrewcouldneverforgetthecocaineandshewasnotanignorantfool.

BytheraptlookonMissLaFosse’sfaceandairofdefencelesssubmission,MissPettigrewknewshewaswavering:knewshehadwavered,butbeforeshecouldspeakthefatalwordsofsurrender,MissPettigrewcameintoactionlikeahowitzer.

ShethuddedacrosstheroomwiththeBrummeganstalk.Thesherrybottleandglasseswerestandingonthetray.Shesplashedoutanotherdrinkandliftedtheglassnegligentlyinherhand.Throughyearsofendurancesheknewtoa

theglassnegligentlyinherhand.Throughyearsofendurancesheknewtoacalculatednicetythedemolishingeffectofanegligentgesture.

“Youngman,”saidMissPettigrewinthemoststridentvoiceherthroatcouldcompass,“youcancomebackforadrinkifyoulike,butnolatehours,Iwarnyou.I’mnotasyoungasIwasandIwillnothavemyshortstayhereruinedbydisturbednightsleavingmehalf-deadnextday.IsleepwithMissLaFosseandwhileI’mhereshecomestobedearly,andI’mnothavingyouhangingaroundtoallhours.I’mtoooldafriendofMissLaFosseandtoooldmyselftopretendtobepolite,andthat’sthat.”

Nick’shandsprangfromMissLaFosse’sasfromahotpokerandhespunround.

“What?”“Whatwhat?”“Areyoustayinghere?”“YouknowI’mstayinghere.Isaidso.Untiltomorrowtheinvitationwasand

untiltomorrowIstay,andwhat’sitgottodowithyou,pray?”“???…!!!…???…!!!”explodedNickagain.MissLaFosseturnedastardedgazeonMissPettigrew,denial,indignation,

resentment,eloquentinherglance.MissPettigrewreturnedthelook,steadily,sternly,remorselessly.MissLaFosseremembered.Sheblushed.Sheralliedherdroopingforcesabouther.

“Yousaidtomorrow,Nickdarling,”quaveredMissLaFosse.“Telegramsarecheap,”statedMissPettigrew.“HowthehellshouldIknowmy…”“Iwaslonely,”falteredMissLaFosse,“withyouaway.”“I’mcomingroundtonight.”“There’sonlyonebed.”“Whatthe…”“Comeifyoulike,”brokeinMissPettigrewamiably.“Youcansleeponthe

chesterfield.Theysayit’shealthytosleepwithyourkneesbent.Butnothing,”sheeyedthecouch,“willmakemesleeponit.AtmyageIinsistonmyproperbed.”

Nickwasbeaten.Theolddamewashismatchandseemedtohaveaclaimonhospitality.Hemustcurbhistemperandmindhisstep.Thegirlfriendhadatemperofherownwhichcouldcropupatthemostinconvenientofoccasions.

Norhadheanyintentionofsleepingonalonelysofa.Hepreferredacomfortablebedforhisnightlyrest.Thecouch,plusMiss

LaFosse,mighthaveheldsomeinducement,butthecouchasaplaceofrest,withMissLaFossesleepingintantalizinginnocenceinthenextroom,heldnone.

withMissLaFossesleepingintantalizinginnocenceinthenextroom,heldnone.Hewenttohishatandcoatandpickedthemup.MissLaFossehoveredabout

himnervously.Heputonhishatandcoatinsilenceandmovedtothedoor.MissPettigrewsawfirmness,indecision,surrender,battleonMissLaFosse’sface.

“Ifshesuccumbsnow,”thoughtMissPettigrew,“sheislost.Icandonomore.Ifhegoesawaywithoutspeakingshewillprobablyrunafterhim.”

ThenNickspoke.“MaybeIshouldhavewired.”MissPettigrewdrewadeepbreath.MissLaFossetwinedherhands

nervously.Shegaveatimid,pleadingsmile.“I’m…I’mterriblysorry.”“Seeyoutomorrowthen.”“Tomorrow,”promisedMissLaFossehastily.“Maybe,”thoughtMissPettigrewgrimly.“Takeyoutolunch.”“Lunch,”agreedMissLaFosse.Hemovedandtookholdofherarmsabovetheelbowsandpulledhertohim.“Afterall,you’llkeep.”MissPettigrewthoughthisyoungfacewithitsoldlookofexperiencealittle

frightening.HetookholdofMissLaFosse’schinandtippedupherface.“Nogoodthingwasspoiledbyalittlewaiting.”Hekissedher.Thedoorclosedbehindhim.

CHAPTERFOUR

12.52PM—1.17PM

mmediatelythedoorclosedbehindNicktensionrelaxed.Itwaslikecomingoutofafogintoclear,brightair.MissPettigrewdrewalongbreath.Herlegsfeltwobbly.Reactionhadsetin.Shefeltweak,unstrung,thoroughlyupset.

Shefoundachairandsatdown.Suddenlysheburstoutcrying.MissLaFossewasstandingstaringatthecloseddoor.Nickhadgone.Shehad

lethimgo.Shedidn’tknowwhy.Shewasafool.Shehadneversomuchwantedhimasnow,whenhewasgone.Shewasonthevergeofrunningafterhim.MissPettigrew’stearsmadeherswinground.Sheforgoteverythinginconcern.

“Don’tdothat.Pleasedon’tdothat.”AlltheterriblethingsshehaddonecrowdedintoMissPettigrew’smind:the

liesshehadtold,thedrinkshehadtaken,theswearwordsshehadused.“I’veneversworninmylifebefore,”wailedMissPettigrew.“No?”marvelledMissLaFosse.“Never.Noteveninmymind.OurVicaroncesaidthattoswearinyourmind

wasjustasbadandevenmorecowardlythantoswearoutloud.Hedidneither.”“Whataman!”saidMissLaFosseinawe.“Hewas,”agreedMissPettigrew.“ButIdidn’thearyouswear,”consoledMissLaFosse.“Youmusthavebeentooupset.Isaid‘damned‘and‘hell’andmeantthem…

thatway.”“Oh!”saidMissLaFossewithareassuringbeam.“They’renotswearwords.

They’reonlyexpressions.Iassureyou,fashionschangeinwords,sameaseverythingelse.Ithinkthey’vequitecomeoutofthesinfulcategorynow.Therenow,whatyouneedisanotherdrink.”

Shewentovertothetrayandfurtherdepletedthesherrybottle.Shecamebackwithabrimmingglass.

“Comealongnow.It’sonlysherry.Iknowyoulikeyourdrinkslightinamorning.”

MissPettigrewlookedup.Hertearsbegantodry.Herfacetookonalookofdawningwonderandremembrance.

dawningwonderandremembrance.“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Oh,Idid.Idealtwithasituation.”“Ohboy!”saidMissLaFossewithreverence.“Yousuredid.”MissPettigrew’seyesbegantoshinethroughhertears.Shewastremulous,

bewildered,unbelieving.“Idid.Isavedit.”“Oh,quick,”hurriedMissLaFosse.“Drinkyoursherry,andtellmehowyou

didit.”MissPettigrewrefusedit.“No,thankyou,mydear.IhavehadtwoalreadyandalittleIpretendedto

drink.It’sawisewomanwhoknowsherlimit.IhaveneverbeenrenderedridiculousbyalcoholyetandIhavenointentionofstartingnow.”

“You’resureyou’reallrightthen?”“Quite.”MissLaFosseswallowedthesherryherselfandsatdown.“Oh,quick,”sheimplored.“Quick.Ican’twaittohearanylonger.How…

Did…You…Do…It?Iforgotthekitchen.Ineverthoughtaboutthekitchen.Ineverlookedforanysignsthere.Rankcarelessness.Iwasborncareless.Youweremarvellous.”

MissPettigrewmadeahastydisclaimerofanybrilliance.“Itwasverysimple,”shesaidearnestly,“verysimpleindeed.Nothingreally

toit.Pleasedon’tthinkI’mcleveroryou’llbedisappointed.WhenIwastidyingthebedroomIdiscoveredthepacketandIthoughtmybagwasthesafestplaceforit.WhenNickcameinsoangryIrememberedandtherestallfollowed.Therewasnothingtoit,really.”

“Nothingtoit!”saidMissLaFosse.“Nothingtoit!Itwasbrilliant,marvellous.ThebestbitofactingI’veseeninyears.”

“Ohno!Itwasn’tacting.Itwascopying.”“Copying?”“ItwasMrs.Brummegan.”“Mrs.Brummegan?”“Mylateemployer.Ifyou’llforgivemespeakingilloftheabsent,adreadful

woman.”“ButIdon’tquitefollow,”saidMissLaFosse,bewildered.“Ienduredhertwoyears,”saidMissPettigrewsimply.“Ihadto.Iwasina

verygoodpositiontoknowtheeffectofherpersonality.Ididmybesttoemulateit.”

TherewasnowoolinMissLaFosse’sbrain.Hereyesshone.“Oh!”shebreathed.“AMimic.Abornmimic.God!Whataperformance!I

“Oh!”shebreathed.“AMimic.Abornmimic.God!Whataperformance!Iwouldn’thavesaidyouhaditinyou.Youwerewonderful.”

“Ohno,”deniedMissPettigrew,deprecating,thrilled,delightedasachild.“You’veneverthoughtaboutenteringtheProfession,haveyou?”“TheProfession?”“Thestage,youknow.”“Thestage!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Me?”“There’sagreatdearthofreallygoodcharacteractresses,”saidMissLaFosse

earnestly.“Youknowhowitis.Theonesthatstartedyoung,whenthey’regettingonandhavetheexperience,theydon’tliketoberelegatedtominorroles.Theydon’tliketheoldboystosay,“ByJove,Irememberherwhenwewerebothyoung.Youshouldhaveseenherthen,myboy,whensheplayedleadin‘Kissme,Daddy’.”No.Theydon’t.Theyliketostayyoungandplayyoungleads,andwhentheycan’ttheyquit.Idon’tblamethem.I’lldoitmyself.”

“You’reonthestageyourself?”queriedMissPettigrew,tactfullyleadingthesubjectfromherownhistrionicpowers.

“Yes,”agreedMissLaFosse,“butI’mrestingjustnow,onlyI’mworkingwhileI’mresting.Ididn’twanttosignapoorercontractwhilePhilwasgettingreadytobackmein‘PileonthePepper‘,soIrefusedtosignasmallcontractandI’msingingjustnowattheScarletPeacock.”

“Averyoddname,”murmuredMissPettigrew,“ScarletPeacock?”“Very,”agreedMissLaFosse,“butit’sveryfetching,don’tyouthink?Nick

ispartnerinitwithTeddyScholtz.Nick’sabitconventionalandwantedtocallit’TheScarletWoman‘,andTeddy’sabitunimaginativeandwantedtocallit‘TheGreenPeacock.’Sotheycutforit,onlytheydidn’tknowthey’dgotholdofCharlieHardbright’sfakepackandtheybothcuttheAceofSpades.Neitherwouldgiveinandcutagain,sotheysplitthedifferenceandcalledit‘TheScarletPeacock’.”

“Howterriblyinteresting,”breathedMissPettigrew.“Imean,youknow,knowingtheinsidehistoriesofthings.I’vealwaysbeenontheoutsidebefore.”

“Yes,”agreedMissLaFosse.“You’recertainlyontheinsidewhenNick’saround.”

TalkingaboutNickbroughthimcloseagain.Shegotupandbeganfiddlingwithanornamentonthemantelpiecewithherheadhalf-turnedfromMissPettigrew.Hermerry,laughingfacewascloudedandalittleunhappy.

“Youseehowitis,”saidMissLaFosseinamuffledvoice;“hejust…getsyou.”

“Yes,”agreedMissPettigrew.

“Yes,”agreedMissPettigrew.“There’ssomemenlikethat.”“Assuredly.”“Youcan’texplainit.”“Nottoothermen.”“There’snowordsforit.”“Beingawoman,”saidMissPettigrew,“Idon’tneedany.”MissLaFosseleanedherelbowonthemantelpieceandrestedherbrowonthe

palmofherhand.Hervoicesoundedalittlehopeless.“He’sbadandIknowitandIwanttobreakwithhim.Whilehe’sbeenaway

thesethreeweeksIwasdeterminedwhenhecamebackIwouldfinisheverything.Ievenaskedyoutohelpmetobefirm.Butyousawhowitwas.TheminutehereturnedIwassoftagain.Ifyouhadn’tbeenthereI’dhaveagreedabouttonightandeverythingheasked,butyoumayn’tbetherenexttime.”

MissPettigrewsawthingsneededfirmhandling.Shewasgettingtoknowhernewroleandwasbeginningtofindacertainzestinattackingproblemsboldly.

“Sitdown,”saidMissPettigrew.“LookingbackIdon’tknowwhyIactedasIdid.Itwaspurelyautomatic.Ineverthought.Hehasavery…veryintimidatingpersonality.Youwereafraid.Iwasafraid.Butsomethinghadtobedoneaboutit,soIdidsomething.Iwasveryfoolish.IshouldreallyhavelethimdiscoveraboutPhil,evenifitmeantsacrificingPhiltohisanger,thenallwouldhavebeensafelyoverbetweenyou.IcannotthinkwhyIdestroyedtheopportunity.”

“ButI’msogladyoudid,”breathedMissLaFosse.“Sitdown.”MissLaFossesatdown.“Youneedatalking-to,”saidMissPettigrew.“Iwouldn’tbesurprised.”“Ifyoudon’tmind,”saidMissPettigrew,“I’lltalk.”“Notatall,”saidMissLaFosse.“Pleasedo.”“You’repityingyourself,”accusedMissPettigrew.“Youthinkit’sveryhard

youshouldbepickedouttoloveapersonyouthinkyoushouldn’tlove.Youdon’tthinkit’sfairandyou’realittleaggrievedatsomuchworryandsoyou’repityingyourself.”

“IsupposeIam,”agreedMissLaFossehonestly.“Inmylife,”saidMissPettigrew,“agreatmanyunpleasantthingshave

happened.Ihopetheyneverhappentoyou.Idon’tthinktheywillbecauseyou’renotafraidlikeme.Butthere’sonethingIfoundfatal:pityingmyself.Itmadethingsworse.”

“Iexpectyou’reright.”

“Iexpectyou’reright.”“Iamright.You’vegottofaceuptofacts.Idid.Myway,”saidMiss

Pettigrewsimply,“wasdumbendurance.ItwastheonlywayIcould.Ihadn’tthecourageforfighting.I’vealwaysbeenterrifiedofpeople.”

MissLaFosseturnedunbelievingeyesonher.“It’strue,”pursuedMissPettigrew,“youmustnotjudgebytoday’sevents.

I’veneveractedlikethatinmylifebefore.”“Icouldn’tdumblyendure.”“No,”agreedMissPettigrew.“I’mglad.You’dprobablykickbackandend

safelysomewhere.Butyou’vegotcourageandIhaven’t.”“I’mgladyouthinkso.”“Agreedtothecourage,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.“Nowyou’vegottouse

it.”“Oh.”“He’sgone,”saidMissPettigrew.“Yes.”“Andwhenhewentthroughthedooryouthoughttheworldwentwithhim.”“Youdounderstandthings.”“Doyoufeelexactlythesamenow?”demandedMissPettigrew.“Well.No.Notnow.Notsobadly.Cometothinkofit.No.”“Imeanhe’saway,butyoucanbearhimaway.”“Well.Yes.”“Andtomorrowisn’ttenyearsaway?”“Why,no.Isupposeitisn’t.I’llsurvive.”“Well,youseehowitis,”saidMissPettigrewearnestly.“It’sonlywhenhe’s

there.Whenhe’sgoneyouknowyoucanlivewithouthim.Willyoualwaysrememberthat,sothathoweverharditisatthemoment,willyoupromisemethateverytimeinfutureheasksyoutodoanythingyou’llonlyagreetogivehimananswerlaterandwaituntilhe’sbeengonefifteenminutesbeforedeciding,whentheglamourhasceasedtofunction?”

“It’sadifficultpromise,”saidMissLaFosse,“butIgiveit.Iknowit’sformyowngood.Icanneverthankyouforwhatyou’vedoneformetoday.You’vesavedmetwice.Youknow,I’veneverturnedNickawaybefore.Ididn’tthinkIeverreallycould,howevermuchIhoped.NowI’vedoneit,anddoyouknow?Ifeelquiteallrightnow.Ifeelkindoffine.Ifeel,I’vedoneitonce,whycan’tIdoitagain?Ifeel,why,Icandoitagain…Ifeel,”saidMissLaFosse,warmingup,“justgrand.Free.MaybeIcanresisthim.”

“That,”saidMissPettigrew,“isthespirit.”

“That,”saidMissPettigrew,“isthespirit.”Sheleanedbackinherchair.MissLaFosseleanedbackinhersandsankinto

acontemplativedream.Theclockonthemantelpieceticked.SlowlyitstickingpenetratedMissPettigrew’sbrain.Sheturnedherheadandlookedattheclock.ThepointerswereracingroundandMissPettigrewrememberedwhereshewas.Therewasnothingtokeephertherenow.Goodmannersdemandedherdeparture.Shemuststatehererrandandgo.ShemustgiveupherpositionofequalityasMissLaFosse’sallyandtakehercorrectoneofhumbleapplicantforajob,whichshefeltinherbonesshewouldneverget.

SheknewtoomuchabouttheprivateaffairsofMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewhadenduredmanyhardknocksfromhumannatureandunderstoodhowintolerabletoamistresssuchasituationwouldbe.Shefeltahopeless,bitterunhappinessinvadeher.Buttherewasnothingshecoulddo.Shemustatlastgetherpresenceexplainedandendthiswonderfuladventure.

Shecouldn’tbeartodoit.Shehadneverinherlifebeforewantedmoretostayinanyplace.Shefeltshecouldn’tenduretoleavethishappy,carelessatmosphere,despitemomentaryupheavals,wheresomeonewaskindtoherandthoughtherwonderful.HowcouldshepossiblyliveoutherlifeneverknowingwhathappenedtoPhil,whetherNick’scharmsboredownMissLaFosse’ssusceptibledefences,whoMichaelwasandwhathewaslike?Shefeltthetearsoflonelinessandexclusionstinghereyes.

“I’llwait,”thoughtMissPettigrewdully,“threemoreminutes.I’llwait‘tilthepointersmovethreeminutesbeforespeaking.SurelyIcanhavethreemoreminutesofbeinghappy.”

Sheprayeddesperatelyforaknockonthedoor.AknockonMissLaFosse’sdoorheraldedadventure.Itwasnotlikeanordinaryhouse,whentheknockerwouldbethebutcher,orbakerorcandlestick-maker.AknockonMissLaFosse’sdoorwouldmeanexcitement,drama,anewcrisistobedealtwith.Oh,ifonlyforoncetheLordwouldbegoodandcausesomemiracletohappentokeepherhere,toseeforonedayhowlifecouldbelived,sothatforalltherestofherdull,uneventfuldays,whenthingsgrewbad,shecouldlookbackinhermindanddwellonthetimewhenforoneperfectdayshe,MissPettigrew,lived.

Butmiraclesdon’thappen.Noknockcame.Theclocktickedon.Threeminuteswereover.MissPettigrew,alwayshonest,evenwithherself,satup.Sheclaspedherhandsverytightly.Herfaceshadowedwithadetermined,pathetic,hopelesslook.

“There’salittlematter,”beganMissPettigrewbravely,“Ithinkweoughttogetsettled.Aboutmy…”

MissLaFossecameoutofherdreamwithasighandsmiledatMiss

MissLaFossecameoutofherdreamwithasighandsmiledatMissPettigrew.

“IwasthinkingofMichael,”sheconfessed.“Michael!”exclaimedMissPettigrew.MissLaFossenoddedwithahalf-shamefacedlook.“Idon’tcarewhoitis,”shesaidearnestly,“awomanalwayshasakindof

sentimentalfeelingforthemanwhowantstomarryher,evenifshehasnointentionofmarryinghimandthinkshe’sterrible.Itdoesn’tmatterwhoheisorwhathe’slike,heatoncebecomesamanapart.Isuppose,”MissLaFosselookedprofound,“itisthegreatestcomplimentthereisanditflattersyourvanity.”

MissPettigrewdidn’tlikeMichael.ShewantedMissLaFossetogetmarried.Marriagewasherbestsafeguard.Butsomehoworotherithadn’ttobeanordinarymarriage.Shedidn’twantanordinarymarriageforMissLaFosse.Shewantedsomethinghappyandromanticandbrilliant.ItsomehowhurthertothinkofMissLaFossesettlingintoobscuritywithadull,provincialnonentity,evenifhedidofferhersecurity.AndshehadtheimpressionthatMichaelwasallthesethings.

“Isuppose,”questionedMissPettigrewhopefully,“heisn’tinthelineforabaronetcy,oratitle,oranythinglikethat?”

“Ohno,”saidMissLaFosse;“notMichael.Nothinglikethat.”“Ithoughtnot,”saidMissPettigrewsadly.“HisfatherownedafishshopinBirmingham,”explainedMissLaFosse,“and

hismotherwasadressmaker.Buthecamesouthwhenhewassixteen.He’swhatyoumightcallaselfmademan.”

“Isee,”saidMissPettigrewincompletedisappointment.ShedetestedMichael.Sheknewjusthowconventionalandnarrow-minded

theseselfmademencouldbe.TherewasthatMr.SapfishinherFulburypost.Acontemptibleman.Noancestry.Nobackgroundbehindthem.Clingingtotheirnewstatuswithnervousrespectability.Fearfulofstrayingfromthestraitpathbecauseoftheirinsecurity.Frightenedtoexperiencelifethemselvessofascinatedbeyondcontrolbysomeonewhohad.MissPettigrewhadreadherpsychologyandknewofinhibitions.Theprizeintheirhands,whatthen?Terrorofwhispersandpeopletalking.“Hiswife,youknow…Watchful,nervouseyesforeverfollowingawife’smovements.PoorMrs.Sapfish!ItwouldbreakMissLaFosse’sspirit.Hewouldclipherwings.”

“Oh,notMichael!”prayedMissPettigrew.“Theremustbesomeoneelse.”“Isn’tthereanyoneelsewhowantstomarryyou?”askedMissPettigrew

“Isn’tthereanyoneelsewhowantstomarryyou?”askedMissPettigrewhopefully.

MissLaFossebrightened.Theconversationwasgettinginteresting.“Well,there’sDick,”shesaidhelpfully,“buthe’sgotnomoneyandsquints.

He’sareporter,andreportersneverdohaveanymoney.”“Nouse,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.“Andthere’sWilfred,buthe’shadtwochildrenalreadybyDaisyLaRue,and

Ithinkheoughttomarryher.”“Undoubtedly,”agreedMissPettigrew,shocked,butwithawickedinterest.“Ithinkhewill,oncehe’sgotoverme.He’sveryfondofJoanandGeorge.”“Thepoordarlings!”saidMissPettigrew,allagog.“Sowe’llwashoutWilfred,”saidMissLaFossewithsuperbmagnanimity.“Andthere’snooneelse?”askedMissPettigrew,disappointed.“Well,no,Idon’tthinkso.Notatthemoment.Imean,well,Ihaven’tbeen

workingonanythingveryseriouslyjustlately.”“Well,”saidMissPettigrewwithgrudgingfairness,“Ihaven’tseenMichael

yet…”TheclockcaughtMissLaFosse’seye.“Goodheavens!”shegasped.“Lookatthetime.Quarter-pastone.Youmust

bestarved.”SheturnedimpetuouslytoMissPettigrew.“Oh,please!Dosayyoucanstay.Youhaven’tgotanotherappointment,have

you?Idon’tfeelabitlikelunchingalone.”MissPettigrewleanedback.Blissmadeherquitedizzy.“Ohno,”saidMissPettigrewinavoicewhich,ifvisible,wouldhaveshone,

“Ihaven’tgotanotherappointment.I’dlovetohavelunchwithyou.I’mfreeallday.”

CHAPTERFIVE

1.17PM—3.13PM

heylunchedathome,andMissPettigrewpreparedit.Shediscoveredtheremainsofacoldchickeninthepantry.Coldchicken,toher,wastheheightofluxury.MissLaFosseopenedabottleofLiebfraumilchandmade

herdrinksome.MissPettigrewsippeditslowlywithsterncaution,andbeyondmakingherfeel,ifpossible,alittlemorereckless,ithadnoilleffects.

Theyweresippingtheircoffeeincomfortableintimacywhenthebellrang.MissPettigrewlookedupwithalertexpectancy.Thingswerestartingagain.Herbodyjerkedinresponse,butMissLaFossewasbeforeher.Sheansweredthedoorandbroughtinaboxcontainingahugesheafofscarletroses.

“Oh,howlovely!”gaspedMissPettigrew.MissLaFossehuntedforthecard.“Untiltomorrow,”readMissLaFosse,“Nick.”“Nick!”saidMissPettigrewinaflatvoice.“Nick!”repeatedMissLaFosseinathrilledvoice.“Oh!Thedarling!”Shepickeduptherosesandburiedhernoseintheirfragrance.Overherface,

veryslowly,dawnedalookofsentimentaltenderness.“Oh!”shebreathedagain,“howsweetofhim!”ShelookedapologeticallyatMissPettigrew.“Hedoesn’toftensendthem.Imean,he’snotlikethat.Imean,itmeansmore

fromhimthansomeoneelse.”MissPettigrewsawMissLaFossewasslipping.Shesatupforaction.“Humph!”“What?”“Averynicegesture.”“Whatdoyoumean?”askedMissLaFosseinahurtvoice.MissPettigrewgaveanegligentglanceattheflowers.“Anyonecansendflowers,”saidMissPettigrew.“It’stheeasiestthinginthe

worldforamanwithmoneytowalkintoashopandsaysendabunchofflowerstoMissSo-and-so.Notroubletohim:noworry:nocare,andheknowsthateverysilly,sentimentalwomanistouchedbytheact.Odd!”saidMissPettigrew

everysilly,sentimentalwomanistouchedbytheact.Odd!”saidMissPettigrewconversationally,“theunderminingeffectofflowersonawoman’scommonsense.”

“Well!Itwasveryniceofhim,”saidMissLaFossedefensively.“Oh…very,”saidMissPettigrewsarcastically.“Well.Whatelseshouldhedo?”askedMissLaFosse,gettingalittleheated.“Aretheyyourfavouriteflowers?”demandedMissPettigrew.MissLaFosselookedattheroses.“Well,no,”sheconfessed.“Totellyouthetruth,I’veneverbeentoopartial

toscarletroses.Onegetssuchalot.Likeorchids.Allthemensendyouorchidsbecausethey’reexpensiveandtheyknowthatyouknowtheyare.ButIalwayskindofthinkthey’recheap,don’tyou,justbecausethey’reexpensive.Liketellingsomeonehowmuchyoupaidforsomethingtoshowoff.I’vealwayslovedthosegreatbronzechrysanthemumblooms.”

MissPettigrewmadeacarelessgesturewithherhand.“Thereyouate.He’snevereventakenthetroubletofindoutyourfavourite

flowers.Now,ifhe’ddonethat…!Well!There’ssomethingtoit.Butjusttowalkinashopandordersomeflowerssentroundlikeapoundofbutter…no!”saidMissPettigrew.“I’msorry.ButIcan’tgetexcitedoverthat.”

“You’requiteright,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ineverthoughtofthatbefore.It’sjustasyousay.It’sthelittlethingsthatshowaman’struefeelings.”

Shedroppedtherosesonthecouch.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewhastily,“Idon’tthinkit’stheflowers’fault.A

littlewater,don’tyouthink…?”“Ofcourse.I’llgetsome.”MissLaFossefoundanemptyvaseandwentintothekitchenforwater.Miss

Pettigrewstoodup.Sheinturnpickeduptherosesandlettheirlovelyfragranceenvelophersenses.

“Oh!”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Ifamanhadeversentmeabunchofscarletroses,I’dhavelainonthegroundandlethimwalkalloverme.”

MissLaFossecamebackandMissPettigrewcarelesslypushedtherosesinthevase.Theirvividhueaddedonemoretouchofbrilliancetotheroom.

“Quarter-tothree,”meditatedMissLaFosse.“It’searly,butwe’redueattheOgilveys’atfiveandit’ssurprisinghowlongittakestochangeandgetyourfacemadeup.We’dbetterstartnow.Youmustcomeanddecidemyfrockforme.”

MissPettigrewfollowedherintothebedroom.That‘we’ranginherhead.Butshecouldn’tbelieveitmeantherself.SomeoneelsemustbecallingforMissLaFosse.Untilhecamethough(itwouldcertainlybea’he”)shewouldsavour

LaFosse.Untilhecamethough(itwouldcertainlybea’he”)shewouldsavoureverypreciousminuteleftwithherhostess.

“Abathfirst,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ihaven’thadoneyet.There’soneblessingaboutthisplace.Thewater’salwayshot.InmylastflatyoucouldneverdependonthehotwaterandIdolikeanicehotbathwheneverIwant.I’llgofirst,thenyoucanhaveoneandwecanchooseafrockforyou.NowwillyouturnonthewaterwhileIfindsomeclothes.”

Dazed,MissPettigrewwentintothebathroom.Dazed,sheturnedonthewater.Dazed,shelaidoutsoapandtowels.Shehadn’theardaright.Herearswereplayinghertricks.Evenifshehadheardarightshewasputtingthewrongconstructiononit.Shestoodgazingatthewaterpouringin.Shewasquitedrunknow.Shewasdrunkwithexcitementandexpectancyandjoy.Shewasdrunkwithanexhilarationshehadneverknowninherlifebefore.MissLaFossewasawickedwoman.Shedidn’tcare.ToherownknowledgeMissLaFossepossessedtwolovers,andwhoknewhowmanymoreshehadhad?Shedidn’tcare.SomewhereMissLaFossehadachildtuckedawayandneededagoverness.Shedidn’tcare.

“Idon’tcare,”thoughtMissPettigrewwildly,“ifit’stwochildren.”Shewentbackintothebedroom.“Yourbath’sready.”MissLaFossedisappearedintothebathroom.MissPettigrewsurveyedthe

room.Itwasingreatdisorder.Cobwebbystockingsofvariousshadesstrewedthefloor.Underwear,massesofsilkandlace,hungoutofdrawersanddrapedchair-backs.Frocksweretossedonthebed.

MissPettigrewshookherhead.“Tut…tut,”thoughtyesterday’sMissPettigrew.“Averyuntidychild.Very

slovenly.Noorder.Nocare.Badupbringing.Alady’sbedroomshouldneverbeinthisstate.”

Yesterday’sMissPettigrewsubsided.“Ohcharmingdisorder!”thoughtMissPettigrewluxuriantly.“Ohlovely

senseofease!Ohgloriousrelaxation!Noexampletoset.Nostandardtokeepup.Noladylikeneatness.”

EvenifonedidworkasgovernessforMissLaFosse,MissPettigrewwasquitesureMissLaFossewouldnevercomeroundwithpryingeyestoinvadetheprivacyofyourbedroomandjudgehowyoukeptit.ShefeltasoaringsenseofjoyjusttoknowtherewerepeopleintheworldaskindasMissLaFosse.ShestoodinthecentreoftheroomandbeamedroundhappilyuntilMissLaFossereturnedfromthebathroom.

returnedfromthebathroom.MissLaFosseworenothingbutapeach-colouredsilkdressing-gown.Asshe

movedcarelesslyhergownswishedapartandMissPettigrewhadaglimpseofbeautifullymodelledlimbs,offlawless,pale-colouredflesh.Herfacewasflushedadelicatepinkbytheheat.Thesteamhadfluffedherhairintotiny,curlingtendrilsroundherface.MissPettigrewregardedherwithshyadmiration.

“Youareverylovely.”“Well,now,”smiledMissLaFosse,“thatisveryniceofyoutosayso.”Shesuppedoffherdressing-gownunconcernedlyandbeganhuntinground

foranothergarment.MissPettigrewgasped,blinked,shuthereyes,openedthemagain.MissLaFossewanderedroundwithunselfconsciouscase,unawareofoffendinganydelicatesensibilities.

MissPettigrew,feelinghotandflustered,chidedherself.“ItisI,”thoughtMissPettigrewsternly,“whohaveanevilmind.What’s

wrongwiththehumanbody?Nothing.Didn’ttheLordmakeit,thesameasourfaces?Certainly.WouldHecreateanythingHethoughtwrong?No.Isn’titonlytheexigenciesofourclimatewhichhavedemandedclothes?Ofcourse.It’sallinthewayofthinking.I’veasilly,narrowmind.I’veneverseenanythinglovelierthanMissLaFossestandingthere.”

MissLaFossewasnowregardingherselfinthemirrorwithdetachedappreciation.

“ThoughIsaysitasshouldn’t,”saidMissLaFosse,“IdothinkI’vegotanicefigure.Imean,doyou?Yousee,it’ssoveryimportantinmyprofession.Loseyourfigure:loseyourfollowing.One’sgottokeepfit.”

“You’vegottheloveliestfigureI’veeverseen,”saidMissPettigrew.MissLaFossebeamed.“Yousaythenicestthings.You’dmakeanyonefeelgoodwiththemselves.”Sheslippedintoabitofsilkandlace.MissPettigrewgaveagentlesighof

relief.Shewasquitewillingtohaveheroutlookwidened,butshewasabitoldtomovetooprecipitately.

“Whatamess!”exclaimedMissLaFosse.“I’velostmymaid,youknow,andInevercankeepthingstidywhenIhuntclothesmyself.Now.Whichfrockshallitbe?”

Shehelduptwofrocks.MissPettigrewdrewadeepbreath.Eachwasravishing.Eachthekindoffrockfittofeatureafilmstar.Onehadabackgroundofmidnightblue,patternedinawilddesignofcolours.Theotherwasblack,withasilverdog-collarandwide,transparentsleeves,fastenedtightaroundthewristwithsilverbands,andasilvergirdleroundthewaist.MissPettigrewlikedthemboth.Shedidn’tmindwhichMissLaFossewore,butshelookedsolemn,

themboth.Shedidn’tmindwhichMissLaFossewore,butshelookedsolemn,wiseandknowingandpointeddecisivelytotheblack.Blackwasalwayssafe.

“Theblack,”saidMissPettigrew.“Withyourfairhairandcomplexionandblueeyes…perfect.”

MissLaFossestruggledintotheblack.MissPettigrewfastenedherup.“They’rebothnew,”saidMissLaFosse.“IwasgoingtogivethebilltoNick,

butifI’mgoingtotryandbreakwithhim,Ithinkit’sonlydecenttosendthebilltoPhil,don’tyouagree?”

“Oh,undoubtedly,”saidMissPettigrewfaintly.MissLaFossesatinfrontofthemirrorinpreparationforthegreatestriteof

all,thefacedecoration.Thedressing-tableboresomanybottlesandjarsMissPettigrewlostcountofthem.

“Now,Alice,”saidMissLaFosse,“sitdown.You’lltireyourselfoutstandingroundlikethat.”

Withthehappysenseofbeinglookedafter,neverexperiencedsinceshewaseighteenandtookherfirstpost,MissPettigrewfoundachairandpulleditclosetothedressing-table.

“Excuseme,”saidMissPettigrew.Sheflushedslightly.“MyrealnameisGuinevere.It’saverysillyname,Iknow,givenmebymymother,andnotatallsuitable.ShehadbeenreadingSirLancelotandGuinevere.Alice,asyousay,ismuchmoresuitable.Ilook,”saidMissPettigrewsadly,“muchmorelikeAlice.”

MissLaFosseswunground.“Nonsense,”shesaidecstatically.“It’salovelyname:aperfectlymarvellous

name.Andactuallyyourown.Itgivesyouimportanceatonce.It…itmakesyousomebody.”Sheloweredhervoice.“Myownname,”sheconfided,“isSarahGrubb.There!I’vetoldyouandIwouldn’tconfessittoanotherlivingsoul,butIthinkalotofyou.You’vesavedmyreputationtoday.WhenIwentonthestageItookanothername.IcalledmyselfDelysiaLaFosse.ImadeuptheLaFossemyself.Ithoughtitwasverygood.”

“Youlook,”saidMissPettigrew,“muchmorelikeaDelysia.”“Thankyou,”saidMissLaFosse;“IkindofthoughtIdid.”“What’sinaname,”quotedMissPettigrewdreamily.“Thehellofalot,”saidMissLaFossesimply;“adamned,snoopinglittle

newspapermanwithaspiteagainstmedugupmyrealnameonceandIdaren’ttellyouwhatIhadtodotomakehimkeepitoutofhiswretchedlittlegossipcolumn.”

MissPettigrewdidn’tdarethink.“RuinedI’dhavebeen,”continuedMissLaFosse.“Can’tyouseeit?Sarah

“RuinedI’dhavebeen,”continuedMissLaFosse.“Can’tyouseeit?SarahGrubb.Enoughtodamnanyone.WhocouldgetenthusiasticoveraSarahGrubb!Butthefateswerekind.Hegotdrunkasusualonenightandgotrunoverbyalorrysothatwasoneworrythelessforme.”

“Verykind,”agreedMissPettigrewfeebly.“What’sthefulllabel?”askedMissLaFosse,interested.MissPettigrew’switswerebecomingremarkablysharpenedinoneday.She

understoodatonce.“Pettigrew,”saidMissPettigrew.“GuineverePettigrew.Veryridiculous,I’m

afraidyou’llthink.”“Perfect,”breathedMissLaFosse;“absolutelyperfect.Amarvellous

combination.Andallyourown.NochanceofsomewretchedlittletykemakingafoolofyoubydishingupanEthelBlogg.You’resure,”pressedMissLaFosseearnestly,“you’veneverthoughtofgoingontheboards?Imean,withyourpowersofmimicryandallthat.Ihaveabitofinfluence,youknow.”

“No,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly,butwithanewsenseofimportance,ofprestige,orconsequence,“never.”

“Apity.”MissLaFosseshookherhead.“Agreatpity.Aperfectnamelostfromthelights.”

Shedrewthecombthroughherhair.“Youhavebeautifulhair,”saidMissPettigrewwistfully.Shelookedather

ownstraight,lustrelesslocksalittlesadlyinthemirror.“Itmakessuchadifference.”

“Allthedifferenceintheworld,”agreedMissLaFosse.“I’mlucky.Myhairhasanaturalwave,butifithadn’t,it’saperm,youwant.There’snothinglikeagoodperm,forworkingatransformation.Imean,evenifyoudogooutintherain,itstaysincurl.Notlikeamarcel,thatgoesstraightatonceandlooksworsethanitdidbefore.”ShelookedcriticallyatMissPettigrew.

“Ireallythinkwe’llhaveto.Idon’tmeantooffend,butdon’tyouthinkanoutsidersometimesknowsbetterwhatsuitsyouthanyoudoyourself?Alphonseistheveryman.He’llknowjustwhattodo.We’llgotohim.”

MissPettigrewsat,facepink,eyesshining,mouthtrembling.“Oh,mydear,”saidMissPettigrew.“Youcouldn’toffendme,butaren’tyou

forgettingthat…”Therewasaloudringatthebell.“There!”saidMissLaFosse.“Doyoumind…?”Mind!MissPettigrewwasonherfeetinaflash.Sheclosedthebedroomdoor

firmlybehindher.Oneneverknew.Herfeetnearlytrippedoverthemselveshurryingoverthefloor.Shestoodinfrontofthedoorforoneperfect,breathless

hurryingoverthefloor.Shestoodinfrontofthedoorforoneperfect,breathlesssecondofexpectancy;thensheflungitopen.

CHAPTERSIX

3.13PM—3.44PM

H!”gaspedMissPettigrew.Shewasnearlyknockedoverbytheflyingpassageofafemalebodybelongingtoaladyofstartlingattractions.MissPettigrewgaped,blinkedanddevouredthemavidly.

Theladywasyoung,slim,arresting.Herfacewasofadeep,creamypallor,devoidofanycolourexceptthewickedredbowofhermouth.Hair,likeblacklacquer,partedinthemiddle,wascoiledinanelaboraterollatthenapeofherneck.Atinyhatwasperchedatanacuteangleatthesideofherhead.Blackbrowscurvedwithanunnaturalslantaboveeyesofasurprisinglyvividblueforabrunette.Long,blacklashes,asthickandcurledasthemostfamousoffilmstar’s,heldMissPettigrew’sfascinatedattention.Vividgreenear-ringsdangledfromtiny,shell-likeearssnugagainstherhead.Asshemoved,adelicateperfume,subtlyalluring,beguiledMissPettigrew’ssenses.Herclothes…MissPettigrewgaveitup.HerexperiencehadnotfittedhertodescribeParisianconfections.Theladyhadflungopenherfurcoatandtossedherglovesonthecouch.Obviouslyheretostay.MissPettigrewturnedandshutthedoor.

Thevisitorglanceddistractedlyroundtheroom.“Idon’tknowyou.”“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“IsDelysiain?”“Yes.”“Imustseeher.Isimplymustseeher.Icanseeher?”“Certainly,”agreedMissPettigrew.“Imean,”shethrewawildglanceattheclosedbedroomdoor,“I’mnot

buttingin.IhearNick’sback.”“MissLaFosseisalone.”“ThankGod!”“Ifyouwilltellmeyourname,”saidMissPettigrewhelpfully,“Iwill

acquaintMissLaFosseofyourpresence.”Thevisitorwasalreadyonherwaytothedoor.Shethrewasurprisedglance

overhershoulder.

overhershoulder.“That’sallright.Sheknowsme.”Shehurriedtothedoorandflungitopen.“Delysia.”“Goaway,”saidMissLaFosse.“I’vegotsomethingtotellyou.”“Iknow.Whenhaven’tyou.That’swhyI’msayinggoaway.I’mbusyjust

now.IfyoudistractmewhileI’mmakingupmyfaceI’llmakeamistakeandlookafright.I’llnotbelong.”

“I’vesimplygottotalktoyou.”“Guinevere,”calledMissLaFosse.“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew,immediateattention.“Edythe,meetGuinevere.She’lllookafteryou.Guinevere,meetEdythe.For

theloveofGodtakeherawayanddosomethingwithher.She’saterriblewoman,butI’llnotbelong.”

“Delighted,”saidMissPettigrewhappily.Sheshutthebedroomdoorfirmly.MissLaFossewantedtobealone.Miss

LaFosseshouldbealone.Sheturnedalittlediffidentlytohernewvisitor.Shewasnotquitesurehowonetalkedtoyoungwomenlikethis.TheycouldnotallbeassimpleandkindlyasMissLaFosse.

“Pettigrewisthesurname,”shesaidalittleapologetically,incasethevisitorshouldnotlikethefamiliarityofChristiannames.

“Ah!Mine’sDubarry.”“How-do-you-do?”saidMissPettigrewpolitely.“Lousy,”saidMissDubarry.“Howareyou?”“Oh…oh,fine,”saidMissPettigrew,gasping,buthastilyseeking

sophisticatedease.“Justfine.”“Thenyou’resafelymarried,”saidMissDubarrygloomily,“oryou’renotin

love.I’mneither.”“Neitherwhat?”queriedMissPettigrew,surprisedintorudeness.“I’mnotsafelymarriedandIaminlove.”“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew,thrilled,interested,franklycurious.“Howlovely.”“Lovely?”explodedMissDubarry.“Lovely?Whenthedirtydog’swalked

outonme!”“Oh,howtragic!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Tragic’stheword,”groanedMissDubarry.“That’swhyI’vecometo

Delysia.She’sgotbrains,thatwoman,evenifsheisanaturalbeautyaswell.Don’tyoubedeceived.”

“I’mnot,”saidMissPettigrew.

“I’mnot,”saidMissPettigrew.“No,youwouldn’tbe.It’sthemenwhomakethemistake.Theyseeshe’sgot

thelooksandthinkshecan’thavethegreymatteraswell,andtheytrytotakeherforaride.Theirmistake,ofcourse.”

“Theydeservealltheyget,”saidMissPettigrewbelligerently,butwithoutthefaintestideaofwhattheyweretalkingabout.

“That’swhatIsay.Butshe’sgotbrains.Shegetsawaywithit.Ihaven’t,soIalwayslandinamess.”

SheglancedsounhappilyroundtheroomthatMissPettigrew’skindheartmelted.

“Haveaseat,”saidMissPettigrewkindly.“Thanks,Iwill.”MissDubarrysatdown.“Menareawful,”saidMissDubarrymiserably.“Iquiteagree,”saidMissPettigrew.Thesubjectoftheconversationstilleludedher,butshedidn’tcare.Shewas

thoroughlyenjoyingherself.Shewasinastateofspiritualintoxication.Noonehadevertalkedtoherlikethatbefore.Theveryodd-nessoftheirconversationsentthrillsofdelightdownherspine.Cometothinkofit,hardlyanyonehadevertroubledtotalktoheraboutanythingatall:notinapersonalsense.Butthesepeople!Theyopenedtheirhearts.Theyadmittedher.Shewasoneofthemselves.Itwastheamazingwaytheytookherforgrantedthatthrilledeverynerveinherbody.Nosurprise:theysimplysaid‘Hallo’,andyouwereoneofthemselves.Noworryingwhatyourpositionandyourfamilyandyourbankbalancewere.InallherlonelylifeMissPettigrewhadneverrealizedhowlonelyshehadbeenuntilnow,whenforonedayshewaslonelynolonger.Shecouldn’tanalysethedifference.Foryearsshehadlivedinotherpeople’shousesandhadneverbeenaninmateinthesenseofbelonging,andnow,inafewshorthours,shewasserenelyandblissfullyathome.Shewasaccepted.Theytalkedtoher.

Andhowtheytalked!Shehadneverheardthelikebefore.Theirridiculousinconsequence.Everysentencewaslikeaheadycocktail.Thewholeflavouroftheremarksgaveherawickedfeelingofsophistication.Andthewayshekeptherendup!Noonewouldeverdreamshewasnewtoit.

“Ineverbelieved,”thoughtMissPettigrewwithpride,“thatIhaditinme.”ShestoodbeamingdownatMissDubarry.MissDubarrysatstaringgloomily

attheelectricfire,quiteunawareoftheelationshewascausingherfriendDelysia’sfriend.MissPettigrewthoughtshemustdosomethingtolightenMissDubarry’sdistress.Shesoaredtotheheights.Withcarelessness,withease,with

Dubarry’sdistress.Shesoaredtotheheights.Withcarelessness,withease,withnegligentpoise,asfeaturedincountlessTalkies.

“Haveaspot,”saidMissPettigrew.MissDubarrybrightened.“That’sanidea.Blessingsonthewoman.”MissPettigrewresortedoncemoretothecupboardinthekitchen.Shecame

backwithaladentray.Shehadputonabottleofmostthingsshecoulddiscover.“Perhapsyou’llmixyourown,”shesaidwithcarelessairiness.“Everyoneto

theirownpoison,Ialwayssay.”MissDubarryrosewithalacrity.“JustalittleginIthink,and…where’sthelimejuice?Ah!Here.Ithinkagin

andlimewilldomegrand.”MissPettigrewwatchedherwithveiledconcentration.“What’llyoursbe?”offeredMissDubarryhelpfully.MissPettigrewstarted.Ahastyrefusalcametoherlips,thenshechangedhermind.Thiswasnotime

forsqueamishness.Ahostessmustdrinkwithherguest.“I’llmixmyown,”saidMissPettigrewrecklessly.MissDubarryretiredwithherdrink.HastilyMissPettigrewfilledaglasswith

sodaandjustcoloureditwithsherrytogiveitalookofauthenticity.Shereturnedtoherseat.

“Mudinyoureyes,”saidMissDubarry.MissPettigrewknewnohappyrejoinders,somadeoneup.“Washandbrushup,”saidMissPettigrew.Theydrank.“Another?”offeredMissPettigrew.“Idon’tthinkI’dbetter,”saidMissDubarryreluctantly.“Imean,ifwe’re

goingtotheOgilveys’,we’dbetterarrivesober.Imean,wenearlyalwaysleavedrunk.”

“Exactly,”agreedMissPettigrew.“Andthen,ifTony’sthere,I’llneedallmywitsaboutme.”“Precisely,”saidMissPettigrew.“SoI’dbetternothaveanother.”“Thebarhasclosed,”saidMissPettigrew.“Well,perhapsjustasplash,”saidMissDubarry.Shesplashed.Alreadyshelookedagreatdealmorecheerful.Herairof

funerealgloomhadalmostdeparted.SheregardedMissPettigrewwithinterestedcuriosityandmadenobonesaboutsatisfyingherinquisitiveness.

“FriendofDelysia’s?”

“FriendofDelysia’s?”MissPettigrewstaredathertoes,glancedattheclosedbedroomdoor,looked

backatMissDubarry.“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew.“Closefriends.”“Very,”liedMissPettigrew.“Well,”saidMissDubarry,“Ialwayssay‘afriendofDelysia’sisafriendof

mine‘.”“Thankyou,”saidMissPettigrew.“SheseesthingsinpeopleIdon’tandshe’salwaysright,soIfollowher

lead.”ThissoundedalittledoubtfultoMissPettigrew,sosheonlysmiled.“NewtoLondon,”diagnosedMissDubarrybrilliantly.MissPettigrewforboretotellherthatforthelasttenyearsallherpostshad

beeninandnearLondon.Suddenlyshewasashamedtoacknowledgeit.Obviouslyshehadgainednothingbythisadvantage.

“IwasborninavillageinNorthumberland,”sheprevaricated.“Ah!”saidMissDubarrybrightly.“Scotland.”“Well.Notquite,”saidMissPettigrew.“It’salongwayfromLondon,”saidMissDubarrydarkly.“Yes.Itis.”“Hereforgoodnow?”“Ihopeso.”“Ah.You’llsoonlearnthingshere.There’snoplacelikeLondon.Takestime,

youknow.Butyou’llsoonleavetheprovincesbehind.”“Doyouthinkso?”“Nodoubtatall,withalittleexpertadvice.”MissDubarrystoodupabruptly.ShecircledMissPettigrew,eyesintent,

expressionconcentrated.MissPettigrewsatpetrified.MissDubarryfrowned.Sheheldherchinbetweenthumbandforefinger.Sheshookherhead.Suddenlyshebarked,“Youshouldn’twearthosemuddybrowns.They’renotyourcolour.”

“Oh!”MissPettigrewjumped.“Certainlynot.Where’syourtaste?Where’syourartisticdiscrimination?”“Ihaven’tany,”saidMissPettigrewmeekly.“Andyourmake–up;’swrong.”“Make-up!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Make-up.”

“Make-up.”“Me?”saidMissPettigrewfaintly.“You.”“Ihaven’tany.”“Nomake–up;,”saidMissDubarryshocked.“Why?It’sindecent,walking

aroundnaked.”MissPettigrewstaredatherblankly.Hermindwaswhirling:herthoughts

chaotic.Amentalupheavalrenderedherdizzy.Yes,why?Alltheseyearsandshehadneverhadthewickedthrillofpowderinghernose.Othershadexperiencedthatjoy.Nevershe.Andallbecauseshelackedcourage.Allbecauseshehadneverthoughtforherself.Powder,thunderedherfatherthecurate,theroadtodamnation.Lipstick,whisperedhermother,thefirststeponthedownwardpath.Rouge,fulminatedherfather,theharlot’senticement.Eyebrowpencil,breathedhermother,nolady…!

MissPettigrew’sthoughtsranwildly,chaotically,riotously.Asintomakethebestoftheworst?Shesatup.Hereyesbegantoshine.Allherfemininefacultiesintentontheimportant,earnest,serious,mightytaskofimprovingonGod’shandiwork.Thensheremembered.Shesatback.Herfaceclouded.

“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewinaflatvoice.“Mydear…atmyage.Withmycomplexion.”

“It’sabeautifulcomplexion.”“Beautiful?”saidMissPettigrewincredulously.“Notamark,notaspot,notablemish.Colour!Whowantsnaturalcolour?

It’salwayswrong.Aperfectbackground.Nobasetoprepare.Nohandicapstoovercome.Blonde,brunette,pinkandwhite,tanned,creamypallor.Anythingyoulike.”

MissDubarryleanedforwardintent.ShetippedMissPettigrew’sfacethisway:shetippeditthatway.Shepattedtheskin.Shefeltthetextureofherhair.

“Hmn!Agoodcleansingcream.Astrongastringenttotoneupthemuscles.Eyebrowsdefinitelydarkened.Can’tmakeupmymindaboutthehairyet.Nut-brown,Ithink.Complexionneedscolour.Definitelycolour.Bringsouttheblueoftheeyes.Wholefaceneedsacourseoftreatment.Shockinglyneglected.”

Shestoppedabruptlyandlookedapologetic.“Ohdear!Youmustexcuseme.HereIam,forgettingmyselfagain.I’min

thetrade,yousee,andIcan’thelptakingaprofessionalinterest.”“Don’tmindme,”breathedMissPettigrew.“Pleasedon’tmindme.Iloveit.

Noone’severtakenaninterestinmyfacebefore.”“Obviouslynot,”saidMissDubarrysternly.“Notevenyourself.”“I’veneverhadanytime,”apologizedMissPettigrew.

“I’veneverhadanytime,”apologizedMissPettigrew.“Nonsense.You’vehadtimetowash,haven’tyou?You’vetimetogetabath.

You’vetimetocutyournails.Awoman’sfirstdutyistoherface.I’msurprisedatyou.”

“Ahwell!”sighedMissPettigrewhopelessly.“I’mlongpasttheagenow…”“Nowoman,”saidMissDubarrygrimly,“iseverpasttheage.Themore

yearsthatpassthemorereasonforcare.Youshouldbeoldenoughtoknowbetter.”

“I’veneverhadanymoney.”“Ah!”saidMissDubarrywithunderstanding.“That’sdifferent.Youwouldn’t

believetheamountitcostsevenmetokeepmyfacefixed,andI’minthetradeandthatmeansnearlyninety-ninepercentoff.”

Shefoundherhandbagandopenedit.“Here’smycard.Youbringthatanytimeyoulikeandyoushallhavethebest

ofeverything.AnyfriendofDelysia’sisafriendofmine.IfI’matlibertyI’lldoyoumyself.Ifnot,I’llgetyouthebestleft.”

“Howwonderful,”gaspedMissPettigrew.Shetookthecardwithtremblingfingers.

“EdytheDubarry,”sheread,thrilled.“It’swellseenyou’renoLondoner,”saidMissDubarry.“Thatnamestands

forsomething.It’sthebestbeautyparlourinLondon,thoughitismyown.”MissPettigrew’sfacebegantoshine.“Tellme,”shebegged,“isittrue?Isitreallytrue?Imean,cantheseplaces

improveyourlooks?”MissDubarrysatdown.Shehesitated.Shehitchedherchaircloser.“Lookatme.”MissPettigrewlooked.MissDubarrygaveafriendlychuckle.“Ilikeyou.There’ssomethingaboutyou…well!Whatdoyouthinkofme?”“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrew,muchembarrassed.“WhathaveItosayto

that?”“Justwhatyoulike.Idon’tmind.Butthetruth.”“Well,”saidMissPettigrew,takingtheplunge,“Ithinkyouhavevery…very

startlinglooks.”MissDubarrylookedimmenselypleased.“Thereyouarethen.”MissPettigrewwarmedtohertask.IfMissDubarrycouldbefrank,socould

she.“You’renotexactlybeautiful,likeMissLaFosse,butyoucatchtheeye.

“You’renotexactlybeautiful,likeMissLaFosse,butyoucatchtheeye.Whenyoucomeintoaroom,everyonewillnoticeyou.”

“There,”saidMissDubarryproudly.“WhatdidItellyou?”“What?”askedMissPettigrew.“WhatI’vebeentellingyou.”“What’sthat?”“YouandI,”saidMissDubarry,“areexactlyalike.”“Oh…howcanyousayit!”saidMissPettigrewunbelievingly.“Youdon’tlooklikethekindofawomantogiveawaysecrets,”saidMiss

Dubarryrecklessly.“I’mnot,”saidMissPettigrew.“AndwhenIseesuchaperfectlayfigureasyou,Ican’thelpspreadingthe

gladtidings.”“No?”saidMissPettigrew,bewildered.MissDubarryleanedcloser.“Myhair,”statedMissDubarry,“ismousecoloured…likeyours.”“No!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Notreally.”“Afact.Ithoughtblacksuitedmebetter.”“Undoubtedly.”“Myeyebrows,”continuedMissDubarry,“andeyelashesaresandy-coloured.

Ihavepluckedmyeyebrowsandpencilledinnewones.Myeyelashes,aswellasbeingsuchadamnableshade,areshort.Ihavehadnewonesfixed.Black,longandcurly.”

“Marvellous,”whisperedMissPettigrew,atlastrealizingthereasonforMissDubarry’ssurprisingeyes.

“Ihavetheinsipid,indeterminatecomplexionthatgoeswiththatstupidcolouring.Ithoughtacreamypalloragreatdealmoreinteresting.”

“Absolutely,”breathedMissPettigrew.“Mynosewasadifficulty.Youscoreovermethere.ButMcCormickisa

marvelloussurgeon.Hegavemeanewone.”“No,”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Myteethwerethegreatesttrouble,”confessedMissDubarry.“Theyweren’t

spacedevenly.Fiftypoundsthatcostme.Butitwasworthit.”MissPettigrewleanedback.“It’sunbelievable,”shesaidfaintly,“quiteunbelievable.”“Iforgottheears,”saidMissDubarry.“Theystoodouttoomuch,but,asI

say,McCormick’samarvelloussurgeon.Hesoonputthatright.”“Itcan’tbepossible.”MissPettigrewwasalmostbeyondwords.“Imean,

you’renotyou.”

you’renotyou.”“Justalittlecare,”saidMissDubarry.“Itdoeswonders.”“Miracles,”articulatedMissPettigrew,“miracles;I’llneverbelieveawoman

againwhenIseeher.”“Why!”saidMissDubarry.“Wouldyouhaveusallgonakedand

unashamed?Mustwetakeoffthepowderwiththepetticoat,anddiscardtheeyeblackwiththebrassiere?Mustwerenouncebeautyandreverttothecruditiesofnature?”

“AllbutMissLaFosse,”continuedMissPettigrewfaintlybutloyally.“Isawherstraight…out…of…the…bath.”

“Oh,Delysia!”saidMissDubarry.“She’sdifferent.Shewasblessedatbirth.”Sheglancedatthebedroomdoor.Herfacecloudedoveragain.“Iwishshe’dhurry.I’minanawfuljamandshegenerallyseesawayout.”MissPettigrew’seyesbecamemisted.“Howlovely!”shethoughtsentimentally.“Isthereanythingmorebeautiful?

Womantowoman.Andtheysaywedon’ttrusteachother!”“There’snothinglikeanotherwomanwhenyou’reintrouble,”sighedMiss

Pettigrew.MissDubarryshuddered.“GoodGod!Don’tyoubelievethat,”shesaidearnestly.“There’snotanother

womanI’dcometobutDelysia.”“No?”askedMissPettigrewinsurprise.“Well,Delysia,she’sdifferent.Imean,withherlooksshehasn’tgottoworry

aboutmen.Youcantrusther.”“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew.“Iknowyoucan.”“Shedoesn’ttrytopinchyourmen.Imean,Idon’tmindflirting.Awoman

wouldn’tbehumanifshedidn’t,butthere’swaysofdoingit.Shedoesn’ttrytoturnthemoffyoubehindyourback.Shesaysthebestwhenyou’renotthere.”

“Justlikeher,”saidMissPettigrewproudly.“Ohyes.Iforgot.You’reanoldfriendofhers.Ohdear!Iwishshe’dhurry.

There’llbenotimeforhertothinkofanything.”“Howdidyoucometoownabeautyparlour?”askedMissPettigrew

tactfully,tryingtoturnMissDubarry’smindfromhertroubles.“Youlookveryyoung.Ifyoudon’tthinkI’mrude,I’mveryinterested.”

“Oh,that,”saidMissDubarry.“Thatwasverysimple.Ivampedtheboss.”“Vampedtheboss!”echoedMissPettigrewweakly.“Ohdear!However

couldyouthinkofsuchathing?”“Verysimple.Iwaseighteen…anapprentice.Hewasgettingon.They

“Verysimple.Iwaseighteen…anapprentice.Hewasgettingon.Theyalwaysfallfortheyoungones…ifyou’reclever,thatis.Iwasalwayscleverthatway,”saidMissDubarrysimply.“Ifyouact‘marriageornothing’theygenerallygiveyoumarriage.Iwasverylucky.Iwenttohishead,buthecouldn’tstandthepace.HegotanicetombstoneandIgottheparlour.”

“Wemustbefair,”saidMissPettigrewvaguely,notknowingwhattosay.“Iearnedit,”saidMissDubarrysimply.“Butthere!Youcan’texpecttoget

thingswithoutalittlework.Andhewasn’tabadsort.I’veknownworse.Iwasnofooleither.Ilearnedthatbusiness,eventhoughIdidgetmarried.It’spaidme.Doyouknow,it’sworththreetimesasmuchnowaswhenhepassedout.”

“Ibetitis,”admiredMissPettigrewsimplyandslangily.“Iputuptheprices.That’sbusiness.AndIchangedthenameofcourse.I

pickedDubarry.Imean,you’veonlygottothinkofDuBarryandyouexpectthings.Itstandsforsomething.Ithinkitwasaverycleverchoice.Atleast,”saidMissDubarryhonestly,“Delysiathoughtofit,butIwasquicktobeontoit.”

“Aperfectname,”praisedMissPettigrew.“Amarvellousname,”sheaddedrecklessly.

Shedidherbesttodisciplineherjudgment.Butitwasnouse.Shewascarriedaway.Whowasshetojudge?Wouldn’tshehavemarriedanymanwhohadaskedherinthelasttenyearstoescapetheMrs.Brummegansofthisworld?Ofcourseshewould!Whypretend?Whypretendwithalltheothersillyoldwomenthattheywerebetterthantheirsistersbecausetheyhadhadnochanceofbeingotherwise?Awaywithcant.MissPettigrewleanedforwardwithshiningeyesandpattedMissDubarry’sknee.

“Ithink,”saidMissPettigrew,“you’rewonderful.IonlywishI’dhadhalfyourbrainswhenIwasyoung.Imightbeamerrywidowtoday.”

“Alot’sinthechancesyouget,”consoledMissDubarry.“Alwaysrememberthat.Andgrabbingthemwhentheycome,ofcourse.”

“Eveniftheyhadcome,”saidMissPettigrewwithsadconviction,“Icouldneverhavegrabbed.Iwasn’tthekind.”

“Neversaydie,”saidMissDubarry.“You’llgetyourkickoutoflifeyet.”ShepattedMissPettigrew’skneeinreturn,andthedelicateseductivenessof

herperfumeagainassailedMissPettigrew’ssenses.“Whatalovelyscent,”admiredMissPettigrew.“Isn’tit?”saidMissDubarrycomplacently.“I’veneversmeltanythinglikeitbefore.”“You’rehardlylikelyto.I’mtheonlypersoninEnglandknowsthesecret.”“Howwonderful!”marvelledMissPettigrew.“Isitexpensive?”“Ninepoundsanounce.”

“Ninepoundsanounce.”“What?”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Ohwell!Itcostsmeten-and-six.”“Andpeoplebuyit?”quaveredMissPettigrew.“AsmuchasI’llsellthem.ButI’vefoundinthelongrunyoukeepasteadier

marketbypretendingthere’sashortage.Youmightsellmoreinthebeginning,butletthemoncethinkthere’splentyandthedemandwillsoonfalloff.Myclientsliketobeselect.”

“Ten-and-six,”saidMissPettigrewfaintly.“Ninepounds.”“Oh,that’sjustbusiness.Imean,nooneelsecanmakeit,soofcourseI

charge.Ifthesecretleakedout,thepricewouldcomedownwithabang.It’stheexclusivenessyou’repayingfor.”

MissPettigrew’sinterestovercamehershock.“Buthow,ifyoudon’tmindmyasking,didyoulearntomakeit?”“Well,it’salongstory,”saidMissDubarry,“toldinfull.IwasoverinFrance

buyingstock.ImetGastonLeblanc…he’sthegreatestexpertonperfumesthereis.Well,Imean,itwastoogoodachancetomiss,soIputinabitofovertime.Hisidea,ofcourse,wastocombinethetwobusinesses.I’mnofool.Itwasn’texactlymycharmsalone.Well,Ididn’texactlycold-shoulderhimandhegavemethesecretasanengagementpresent.Youknow!Costhimnothingandthesecretwassafeinthefamily.ThenIcamebacktoEngland.”

“ToEngland?”saidMissPettigrew,bewildered.“Ofcourse,”saidMissDubarryindignantly.“Well,Imeantosay!Hewasn’t

wantingtomarryme.HewaswantingtomarryDubarry’s.Itwasn’tasifIdidn’tknow.Idon’tapproveofthesecontinentalways.He’dneverhaveconsideredmeformarriagewithoutmybusiness.Well,that’smorethanIcanstomach.Idolikeamantoputabitofpassionintoaproposal.Englishmendon’twanttogetintoabusiness,theywanttogetintobed.We’rebroughtuptoexpectitandyoucan’tgetoverearlytraining.”

“No,”saidMissPettigrewindignantly.“Ofcoursenot.Theveryidea!Abusinessindeed!”

MissDubarrydugintoherhandbagandbroughtouthercompact.Sheproceededtopaintonanewmouthagain.MissPettigrewstoodup.Shestaredatherselfinthemirroroverthemantelpiece,atthetokensofmiddleagethatlaynotsomuchinlinesandwrinklesbutinmuchmoresubtlesuggestions,insomethingoldintheexpression:inthetirednessoftheeyes,inthelackofbrillianceabouttheface.Straight,lank,mouse-colouredhair:faded,tiredblueeyes:palemouth,thinface,dull,yellowishcomplexion.

eyes:palemouth,thinface,dull,yellowishcomplexion.“It’snouse,”thoughtMissPettigrew,“youcandowhatyoulikewithpaint

andpowder,butyoucan’tgetawayfromtheunhealthycomplexionbroughtbylackofgoodfood.AndIdon’tseewheregoodfood’scomingtome.”

Suddenlyshefeltflat,lifelessandterrifiedagain.Immediatelythenervousworrysprangintothefaceinfrontofher.Itwasageing,destructive.Itdemolishedallsignsofyouth.

MissPettigrewhastilyturnedhereyesfromherownimage.ShestaredatMissDubarry,sittinginherexpensiveclothes,withhersleek,blackhead,hercrimsonlips,thebeautifularrestingpallorofherface.

“No,”thoughtMissPettigrewhopelessly,“youcouldneveratanytimeturnmeintoher.EvenwhenIwasyoung.Itisn’tonlythepaint.It’ssomethinginsideyou.”

Shemovedtositdownagain.ThebedroomdooropenedandMissLaFosseemerged.

CHAPTERSEVEN

3.44PM—5.2PM

issLaFossecameintotheroom,blackdraperiesfloating,silvercollar,silvergirdle,gleaming,fairhair,likeapalegoldcrown,shining.Atonce,inMissPettigrew’sestimation,MissDubarrysankintotheshade.

“Ah!”thoughtMissPettigrewwithafeelingofpossessivepride,“artcanneverbeatnature.”

“Delysia!”criedMissDubarry,springingtoherfeet.“Ithoughtyouwouldnevercome.”

“Nowbecalm,Edythe,”beggedMissLaFosse.“Youalwaysgettooexcited.”“Sowouldyouifyouwereinmyplace.”“Yes.IsupposeIwould,”agreedMissLaFossesoothingly.“It’seasytalking

whenitisn’tyourself.ButhowhaveyouandGuineverebeengettingalong?Sorrytokeepyouwaiting.”

“Oh,fine.We’vehadagrandtalk.I’vebeenshowingoff.It’sasoothingfeeling.”

“Ohno,shewasn’t,”deniedMissPettigrewhastily.“ShewasonlytellingmethingsbecauseIasked.”

MissLaFossechuckled.“Ibelievebothofyou.”“Oh,Delysia!”MissDubarry’svoicebroke.Allherunhappinesscamebackintoherfaceagain.Shenearlywept.Herfacepuckered,butshecouldnotimperilhermake–up;.

Shesatdownonthecouchandtriedtogaincontrolofherself.“Iknow,”saidMissLaFossewithcomfortingsympathy.“I’mready.Where’s

thecigarettes…here?Haveone.”ShelitoneforherselfandMissDubarryandsatdownbesideher.“Now.Tellme.”

MissDubarrygulpedinthesmoke.“Tony’sleftme.”“No!”saidMissLaFosseincredulously.MissPettigrewsatalittleaway.Shefeltshewasintruding.Thesetwowere

realfriends.Theyhadforgottenher.Shefeltsheoughttogobutdidn’tlikejust

realfriends.Theyhadforgottenher.Shefeltsheoughttogobutdidn’tlikejusttowalkoutoftheroomwithoutaword.MissDubarryknewshewasthere,soitwasn’therfaultifsheeavesdropped.Shedidn’twanttogo.ShewantedinsteadtoknowwhoTonywasandwhyhehadleftMissDubarry,butshewasalsobeginningtohavealost,forlornfeelingthatalltheseexcitingpeople,withtheirexperiencesandadventures,shouldonlytouchherlifeforoneshortperiod.

MissDubarrynoddedherhead.“It’strue,”shesaiddully.“Butyou’vequarrelledbefore.”“Yes.Butnotrealquarrels.There’sadifference.”“Iknow,”agreedMissLaFosse.“What’shappened?”“Well.YouknowhowTonyis?He’ssojealousifyoujustspeakpolitelyto

theliftmanhethinksyouhavedesignsonhim.”“Iknow.Butyoumustconfessyou’veaveryintimatewayofbeingniceto

men.”“Yes,Iknowallthat.Butit’sjusthabit.Youknowthat.Untilyou’vemade

yourway,you’vegottobelikethat,andthehabit’sjuststuck.”“Yes,”agreedMissLaFosseagain.“Thereisn’tanyonebutTony.Youknowthat.Thereneverhasbeen.Imean,

youmightmarryforbusinessfirsttime,thewayIdid,butyoudon’tfallinloveforbusinessonceyou’resettledinlife.I’devenmarryhim,ifheaskedme.Buthe’sneverasked.”

“Perhapshedoesn’tliketo.Imean,it’salottogiveup,yourfreedom,withyourownbusinessandplentyofmoney.There’snoneedtogetmarried.Heprobablythinksitwouldbecheektoask.Thewayitis…well,it’sjustinthewayofaffection.Breakoffwheneitherofyoulikes.Butmarriageisserious.He’sprobablythinkingofyou.”

“Ithinkthat’swhathedoesthink.I’malmostsureitis.Iearnmorewithmybusinessthanhedoes,youknow.Iwouldn’tcareifhe’donlysayso,thenI’dknowwhereIwas.Imean,ifhe’donlysayhewasserious.I’dsoonmakehimagreetomarriage.”

“Menarefunny,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Well.Heexpectsitbothways.Metobefaithful,likemarried,yetnot

marriedandnothingevensaid.”“It’sthefunnywaytheyhave.Expectyoutoreadtheirminds.”“Well.Iwaswilling.I’dratherhaveTonythatwaythannoway,butIdidn’t

seewhyIshouldn’thaveabitofinnocentfun.YouknowhehadtogoabroadforsixweeksandIgotrunningaroundwithFrankDesmond.Nothingtoit,youknow.Justamusement.Well,apartyofusmotoredouttohisweekendplaceone

know.Justamusement.Well,apartyofusmotoredouttohisweekendplaceonenight.Theothersleftaheadofus.Ijuststayedforonemoredrink,andwhenwegottoFrank’scarthelightswouldn’twork.He’snomechanicandwehadn’tevenatorchtogiveuslight.Itwaspouringlikethedevilandblackaspitchandamiletothevillage,sowhatcouldIdobutstaythenight?”

“Well,obviouslynothing,”concurredMissLaFosse.“I’dhavedonethesamemyself.ButIsupposeTony’sgottoknow.”Thetearsnearlycamethrough.MissDubarry’smouthtrembled.“Yes.”“Isuppose,”queriedMissLaFossetentatively,“itwasallinnocent.”“That’swhathurts,”mournedMissDubarrypathetically.“Youknowwhata

fascinatingdevilFrankis.Itisn’tasthoughyouwouldn’thavelikedabitoffunwithhim.ButbecauseofTony,well,Ididn’t.AndnowImightjustaswellforallhe’llbelieveme.”

“Ohwell!Theysayvirtueisitsownreward.”“I’dratherhavethefun,iftherewardistobethesameinanycase.”“IsupposeTonywon’tbelieveyou.”“No.Ican’tdoanything.YouknowwhatareputationFrankhas.Tony

simplywon’tbelieveeitherofus…IevenloweredmyselftodraginFrank.Hesaysofcoursehe’dlieforme.”

“Ofcoursehewould,”saidMissLaFossedrearily.“That’stheworstofit.Imean,Tonyknowshe’dlie,sohowdoesheknowwhenhe’snotlying?Ohdear!It’sterriblydifficult.”

“Iknow.That’sthewayitwas.”MissDubarry’svoicechoked.Afewoftheprudentlywithheldtearsspilled

over.ShecaughtMissLaFosse’sarm.“Oh,Delysia!You’vegottothinkofsomething.Ican’tlivewithouthim.”MissLaFossemadecomfortingnoises.MissDubarrydabbedhereyes,then

shelookedupwithashowofindignation.“Cryingoveraman!Canyoubeatit?YoumustthinkI’mmad.Iammad.

Theidea!He’sahorrid,suspiciousbeast.Ineverwanttohaveanythingmoretodowithhiminmylifeagain.”

“Veryheroic,”sighedMissLaFosse,“butunfortunatelyuntrue.”MissDubarrycollapsedagain.“Ithoughtimmediatelyofyou.Ithoughtyoumightthinkofsomething.”“I’lltry,”saidMissLaFossehopelessly.“But…Tony!Andyoucan’teven

sayyoudidn’tstaythenight.”“Iknow.”

“Iknow.”“It’saproblem.”“Icamestraighttoyou.IheardNickwasback.Ididn’tknowwhetheryou’d

beavailable,butIriskedit.”“Ohyes.Nick’sback.”“Ithoughtyousaidhesaidtomorrow.”“Hedid.”“AreyoustillcomingtotheOgilveys’then?”“Ohyes.”“Whendidhecome?”“Thismorning.”“Where’shenowthen?”“Idon’tknow.Hedidn’tstay.”“What?”“Onlyanhour.”“He’snot…he’snot…wavering?”saidMissDubarry,aghast.“Ohno!Guineverewouldn’tlethim.Thatwastherealreason.”“What?Wouldn’tlethim?”“Shedidn’tlikehim.”“You’rejoking.”“Askher.”“He’llbebackanyminutethough?”“No.Tomorrow.”“He’snotcomingbacktonight?”“No.”“What?”“Guineverewouldn’thavehim.”“GoodGod!”saidMissDubarryfaintly.“It’sthetruth.”“Hestoodforit?”“Hehadnochoice.”“You’rekidding.”“HewasnomatchforGuinevere.”“Godsaveus!”MissDubarrymovedround.ShestaredatMissPettigrew.Awe,amazement,

incredulousdisbeliefshowedinherface.Dawningreverenceoustedallotheremotions.

“YouturnedNickoutofhisownflat?”“Ohdear!”flutteredMissPettigrew,“notasbadasallthat.”

“Ohdear!”flutteredMissPettigrew,“notasbadasallthat.”“Iwasinajam,”saidMissLaFosse.“Youtoo?”saidMissDubarryfaintly.“Nicksaidhewascomingtomorrow.”“Iknow.”“SoPhilstayedherelastnight.”“Goodheavens!”“IlearnedtoolateaboutNick.”“Obviously.”“Phil’sbackingmynewshow.Icouldn’toffendhim.Agirlneverknowsin

thislife.”“Ofcourseyoucouldn’t.”“Hedoesn’tknowaboutNick.”“Notgoodtactics.Iagree.”“Sotherehewas.”“Whathappened?”“Guinevereputhimout.”“No.”“Yes.”“Didheguess?”“Notanidea.”“AndthenNickcame?”“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“HefoundoneofPhil’scheroots.”“No!”gaspedMissDubarry.“Guineverehandledthattoo.Sheofferedhimanother.Shehadhimeatingout

ofherhand.”“HolyMoses!”breathedMissDubarry.“Andhefellforit?”“Thewayshedidit,”saidMissLaFossesimply,“you’dhavefallenyourself.”“Explain,”saidMissDubarryinaweakvoice.“Fulldetails.Nothingmissed

out.”MissLaFosseexplained.MissPettigrewtwittered,fluttered,blushed,made

littledisclaimingnoises.Herfaceshone.Shehadneverfeltsoproudofherselfinherlifebefore.Shehadthoughtnothingofitatthetime,butthewayMissLaFosseexplainedit,well,perhaps,afterall,shebadworkedamiracle.MissLaFosse’sobviousdelightinherachievementsentherintotheseventhheavenofbliss.Nick,itappeared,wasamuchmoreformidablecharacterthanshehadimagined,andthathadbeenbadenough.

“Whatawoman!”saidMissDubarry.

“Whatawoman!”saidMissDubarry.ShecameoverandtookMissPettigrew’shand.“Guinevere,”shesaidsimply,“thedisguisehidyouwell.”ShetouchedMiss

Pettigrew’sclothes.“Imadeamistake.You’rethegoods.”“That’swhatIthink,”saidMissLaFosse.Theylookedateachother.“IfshecandealwithNick…”saidMissDubarryweakly.“That’swhatIthought,”saidMissLaFosse.TheybothturnedandlookedatMissPettigrew.“It’sachance,”saidMissDubarry.“Noinstructions,”saidMissLaFossehastily.“Sheworksbetteralone.She’ll

thinkupsomethingwhenshegetstherightcue.That’sherway.Wemustn’tmuddleher.”

“Ofcoursenot.”“He’llbethere?”“Hesaidhewasgoing.”“What’sthetime?”askedMissLaFosse.“Ten-pastfour.”“OhLord!AndGuinevere’sstilltodress.You’retheverypersontoadvise.

Somethingthat’lldoforthisafternoonandtonightaswell.Sheneedn’ttakeoffhercoatthisafternoon.Wewanttolookasthoughwe’releavingwhenwearrive.YouknowwhattheOgilveysarelike.”

“Standup,”saidMissDubarryearnestlytoMissPettigrew.MissPettigrewstoodup.MissDubarryregardedherwithafrown.

“She’saboutyourbuild.”“That’swhatIthought.”“Yourthingsmightfit.”“We’llmakethem.”“Ohplease!”saidMissPettigrewinanervousvoice.“Ifyouwanttogo,

pleasego.Don’tworryaboutme.Icouldn’tintrudeonyourfriends.”“IntrudeontheOgilveys,”saidMissDubarryinasurprisedvoice.“IntrudeonTerence,”saidMissLaFosse.“IntrudeonMoira,”saidMissDubarry.“Theydon’tknowthereissuchaword,”saidMissLaFosse.“AslongasI’mnotputtingyouout,”saidMissPettigrewweakly,tooexcited

attheprospectoffurtherexcitementtostressherexcuses.“Butpleasedon’tletmebeanuisance.”

“Anuisance,”exclaimedMissDubarry,“whenit’syoudoingusafavour.You’vegottosaveme.Please,please,don’tforgetthat.”

You’vegottosaveme.Please,please,don’tforgetthat.”“Oh,Guinevere!”imploredMissLaFosse.“Youwon’tletmedown.You’ve

simplygottodosomethingaboutTony.”MissPettigrewsaidnomore.Whypleadagainstyourownhappiness?Shelet

herspiritssoar.ShesimplystoodandletelationpourthroughherlikeashotofNick’scocaine.Shedidn’tcarewhathappened.Shewasreadyforit.Shewasintoxicatedwithjoyagain.Pastquestioninganythingthathappenedonthisamazingday.ShewasbewilderedastowhatshehadtodowithTony,butthen,somanyoftheirremarkswereobscure,shesimplyletitpass.

“Wherearewegoing?”askedMissPettigrew.“ToacocktailpartyattheOgilveys’.”“Acocktailparty!”saidMissPettigrewblissfully.“Acocktailparty!Me?”“Whynot?”demandedMissDubarry.“Whynot?”echoedMissPettigrew.Herfacebecameoneshininglight.“Oh

women!”saidMissPettigrew.“Leadmetoit.”Theyledherintothebedroom.ShehadaquickbathwhileMissDubarryand

MissLaFosseconcentratedonMissLaFosse’swardrobe.SheputonsilkunderclotheslaidoutforherbyMissLaFosse.Shehadneverwornrealsilkunderclothesinherlife.Atoncetheymadeherfeeldifferent.Shefeltwicked,daring,readyforanything.Sheleftherhesitationsbehindwithherhome-madewoollens.

“Thepsychologyofsilkunderclotheshasnotyetbeenfullyconsidered,”musedMissPettigrewhappily.

Shecamebackintothebedroomlikeadebutante.Evenherlegs,quiteuncoveredbelowthelastshortfrilloflace,causedhernoblushes.

MissDubarrysatherinfrontofthemirror.“No,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.“Ithinknot.I’dratherseethefinalresult:

nothingspoiledbywatchingtheintermediatestages,thankyou.”Theymovedherfromthemirror.Themostimportantmomentofthedayhad

arrived.“Theface,”saidMissDubarry.“Canyoudoanythingwithit?”askedMissLaFossenervously.“Withthattostarton,”saidMissDubarry,“I’lldoajob.”ShestoodawayandregardedMissPettigrew.Shewalkedroundher.She

cockedherheadononeside.Herbrowgrewcorrugated.MissDubarry,inherprofessionalguise,wasadifferentwoman.Nonervousness,worry,orindecision.Allgravity,firmness,competence:theexpertatwork.

“Lookatthatjawline,”saidMissDubarry.“Cleanasawhistle.Nomassof

“Lookatthatjawline,”saidMissDubarry.“Cleanasawhistle.Nomassoffattobemassagedaway.Lookatthatnose.Perfect.Youcandoalotwithaface…butanose!Thattakesasurgeon,andthere’snotmanywillriskthat.”

“Beautiful,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Whenyou’reoverthirty-five,”lecturedMissDubarry,“make–up;mustbe

sparing.There’snothingworsethanamiddle-agedwomanwithtoomuchmake–up;.Itaccentuatesherage,notlessensit.Onlyaveryyoung,unlinedfacecanstandthelavishemphasisoftoomanycosmetics.Theeffectmustbedelicate,artistic,thepossibilityneverstrainedthatitcan,afterall,benatural,sothatthebeholderisleftwonderingwhichitis,artornature.”

MissDubarrysettowork.MissPettigrewhadherfacepommelled,patted,dabbed,massaged;creamrubbedin,creamsmoothedoff;lotiondabbedon,lotionwipedoff.Herskintingled;feltglowing,healthy,rejuvenated.

“Well!”saidMissDubarryatlast,“it’sthebestIcandohere.It’snotlikemyownplace.Butyoucan’thaveeverything.”

ShelookedconsideringlyatMissPettigrew.MissPettigrewglancedbacknervously.Shefeltalittleguilty,asthough,somehoworother,sheshouldhavewaftedherselfintoMissDubarry’sshop,thoughitwasbeyondhercomprehensionthatanymorebottlesorjarscouldbeneeded.

MissDubarrytippedMissPettigrew’sfacetothelight.“Yousee.Ihaven’tblackenedtheeyebrowsandlashes.I’vemerelydelicately

darkenedthem.Wouldyousaytheyweren’tnatural?No.Youwouldn’t.”“Can’tbebettered,”agreedMissLaFosse.“You’reagenius,Edythe.”“Well,I’mprettygoodinmyownline,”acknowledgedMissDubarry

modestly.SheadmiredMissPettigrewamoment.“Now!”shesaidbriskly.“Thefrock.”“Areyousureyouwon’thavethegreenandgoldbrocade?”askedMiss

LaFossewistfully.“No.Iwillnot,”saidMissDubarryfirmly.“Muchtooelaboratefor

Guinevere.Shehasn’ttherightatmosphereforit.Notvulgarenough,ifyouwanttheexacttruth.Ifyouweren’tthekindofwomanwhocanwearanythingandlookright,Delysia,you’dhavenotasteinclothesatall.Guineverecan’tjustwearanything.She’sgottoberight.”

“Anythingyousay,”saidMissLaFossemeekly.“Theblackvelvet,”saidMissDubarry.Theyputiton.Forabreathlesssecondtheyhardlydaredlook.Butitfitted.

Notperfectly,butenoughnottonotice.“Ithoughtshewasaboutmyfigure,”saidMissLaFossewithasighofrelief.

“Ithoughtshewasaboutmyfigure,”saidMissLaFossewithasighofrelief.“Thankheavens,”thoughtMissPettigrewwildlyandextravagantly,“forshort

rationsandnomiddle-agedspread.”“Anecklace,”saidMissDubarry.“Somethingchasteandladylike.”“There’remypearls,”saidMissLaFosse.“They’renotverygoodones,but

whoknows?”“Theverything.”“No,”brokeinMissPettigrewveryfirmly.“Iwillnotwearanyone’spearls.

IshouldnotenjoyasingleminutethinkingImightlosethem.Thankyouverymuch,butno.”

MissDubarryandMissLaFosselookedateachother.“Shemeansit,”saidMissLaFosse.“WhenGuineveresaysnoshemeansno.”“Thejadeear-rings,”saidMissDubarry.“Thenecklacetomatch.Glittering

stonesarenotGuinevere’smediumofexpression.”MissPettigrewtrembledtowardsfurtherspeech,butMissLaFossesaid

hastily,“They’reonlyimitation.Youneedn’tworry.Arelicofmylesspalmydays,butEdythealwayslikedthem.”

Theywenton.“Andtonight,”saidMissDubarry,“shemusthaveaspray.Something

delicate,mainlygreenandcream,tocarryoutthecolourtouch,butonesingleflowermayhaveabrilliantcolour.Andrealflowers.Notartificial.Realflowersexpressherpersonality…somethingfreshandnaturalabouther.”

“Unspoiled,”saidMissLaFosse.“Andwithherbrains.”MissDubarryshookherhead.“Almostunbelievable,”agreedMissLaFosse.“You’dhavethoughtthedictatorialair.”“Notasignofit.”“ThankGod!”saidMissDubarry.“I’llchooseitmyself,”promisedMissLaFosse.“You’dbetter.Funny,howthesebrainypeoplesoseldomknowhowtolook

afterthemselves.Mindsmustbeaboveit.Noinsultmeant.”“Nonetaken,”saidMissPettigrew.“Andnow,”saidMissDubarry,“thehair.”SheletdownMissPettigrew’slocks.“Absolutelystraight,butthekindthattakesaperfectMarcel.Sometimesif

there’satraceofnaturalwaveitdoesn’tdosowell…oh!”MissDubarrylookedblanklyatMissLaFosse.“Youdon’tneedcurlingtongs.Yourhair’snatural.Youwon’thaveany.We’resunk.”

Youwon’thaveany.We’resunk.”“Wearenot.Ihave,”saidMissLaFossewithpride.“Yourememberthenight

MollyLeroylosthercurlsintheraincominghereandhaddragglyendsallevening,anditspoiledhernight…well,eversincethenI’vekeptapairformyguestsincaseofneed.AndIgotagadgetaswelltoheatthemwith.”

MissLaFosseproducedthewholeoutfitlikeaconjurerproducingarabbitfromahat.MissDubarrysettowork.

“Notimeforashampoo.Pity,butitcan’tbehelped.Fortunatelyherhairisn’tgreasy.Justafewloosewaves.Wehaven’ttimeforanartisticdressing.”

Hercleverfingersflew.MissPettigrewsatalmostunconsciouswithexcitement.Shehadnever,inallherlifebefore,interferedwiththesimplegiftspresentedbynature.“Why,”askedhermother,“attempttoimproveonGod’shandiwork?WillHebepleased?No.Hegaveyouthatfaceandthathair.Hemeantyoutohavethem.”MissPettigrewsatsavouringtothefullablissfulsenseofadventure,ofwrongdoing:adashingfeelingofbeingalittlefast:aworldlysenseofbeinginthefashion:awickedfeelingofguiltyecstasy.Sheenjoyedit.Sheenjoyeditverymuch.

“Finished,”saidMissDubarry.“Asideparting.Afew,loose,negligentwavesbackfromthebrow—theimpressionofbeingnaturalandjustalittlecarelesslydressed.Asophisticatedcoilatthenapeoftheneck—theideaofworldlypoiseforallthecarelessness.”

“There.”Shestoodawayfromherhandiwork.“MyHolyAunt!”breathedMissLaFosse.“Wouldyoubelievethathaircan

makesuchadifferencetoaperson?”“AmIready?”quaveredMissPettigrew.“Ready,”saidMissDubarry.“Fixed,”exclaimedMissLaFosse.“Asatisfactoryjob,”agreedMissDubarrymodestly.“Idon’tbelievemyeyesyet,”marvelledMissLaFosse.“It’sagoodsubject,”saidMissDubarry.Sheallowedenthusiasmto

overcomemodesty.“ThoughIsaysitasshouldn’t,I’mproudofmywork.”“CanIlook?”imploredMissPettigrew.“Themirror’swaiting,”saidMissDubarry.MissPettigrewstoodup.Sheturnedround.Shestared.“No!”whisperedMissPettigrew.“Yes!”chorusedtheMissesDubarryandLaFossejoyously.“Itisn’tme,”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Youintheflesh,”saidMissDubarry.“Youasmanintended,”encouragedMissLaFosse.

“Youasmanintended,”encouragedMissLaFosse.Thentheywerebothsilent.Thiswasasacredmoment.ThiswasMiss

Pettigrew’smoment.Theygaveitthehonourofsilentadmiration.MissPettigrewstared.Shecaughtthebackofachairforsupport.Shefelt

faint.Anotherwomanstoodthere.Awomanoffashion:poised,sophisticated,finished,fastidiouslyelegant.Awomanofnoage.Obviouslynotyoung.Obviouslynotold.Whowouldcareaboutage?Noone.Notinawomanofthatcharmingexterior.Therich,blackvelvetofthegownwasofsodeepandlustrousasheenitglowedlikecolour.Anartisthadcreatedit.Ithadthewicked,brilliantcutthatmadeitswearerlookbothdaringandchaste.Itintriguedthebeholder.Hehadtodiscoverwhich.Itsseverelinesmadeherlooktaller.Theear-ringsmadeherlookjustalittle,well,experienced.Nootherword.Thenecklacegaveherelegance.She,MissPettigrew,elegant.

Thatdelicateflush!Wasitnatural?Whocouldtell?Thatlooselycurlinghair!Noends,nowisps,nolankdrooping.Wasitherown?Shedidn’trecognizeit.Thoseeyes,somuchmorebluethanmemoryrecalled!Thoseartfullyshadedbrowsandlashes!Thatmouth,withitsfaint,provocativeredness!Wasitcoloured?Onlybykissingitwouldamanfindasatisfactoryanswer.

Shesmiled.Thewomansmiledback,assured,composed.Wherewasthemeekcarriage,thedeprecatingsmile,thetimidshyness,thedowdyfigure,theuglyhair,thesallowcomplexion?Gone.Goneunderthemagicof‘DuBarry’s’expertownerandmanager.

MissPettigrew,rapt,thrilled,transported,gazedatherselfasherdreamshadpaintedher.Alumpcameintoherthroat.Hereyesbecamemisty.

“Guinevere,”screamedMissDubarryinapanic.“ForGod’ssake,controlyourself.”

“Guinevere,”gaspedMissLaFosse.“Control,Iimploreyou.Yourmake–up;.Rememberyourdutytoyourmake–up;.”

MissPettigrewmadeavalianteffort.“Mostcertainly,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity.“‘Englandexpects!’Iamquiteawarethatduecareisessential.”“Shoes,”saidMissDubarry.MissPettigrewtriedonapair.“Why!”marvelledMissPettigrew.“Theyareatrifletoolarge.”“Well,that’sablessing,”saidMissLaFossethankfully.“It’sbetterthantoo

small.We’llstopandbuyapairofsoles.”“Nowhercoat,”saidMissDubarry.MissPettigrewhadaterrifiedvisionofallhersplendourbeingeclipsedby

MissPettigrewhadaterrifiedvisionofallhersplendourbeingeclipsedbyhershabbybrowntweed.Butno!Shesuddenlyfoundherselfencasedinafurcoatsosoft,sosilky,soblissfullywarm,sheknewshehadneverknownluxurybefore.

“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Oh!Ican’tbelieveit.AllmylifeI’velongedtowearafurcoat,justonce.”

“Nohat?”askedMissDubarry.“Noneofminearesuitable,”decidedMissLaFosse.“She’llhavetogo

without.Noonewillnotice.”Gloves,handkerchief,anewhandbag.“Ready?”askedMissDubarry,afteralasttouchtoherself.“Allset,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Let’sgetgoing.”Alastlookround:afinalinventory.Theyallmadeforthedoor.

CHAPTEREIGHT

5.2PM—6.21PM

ISSPETTIGREWfoundherselfwaftedintothepassage.Shewaspastremonstrancenow,pastbewilderment,surprise,expostulation.Hereyesshone.Herfaceglowed.Herspiritssoared.Everythingwashappening

tooquickly.Shecouldn’tkeepupwiththings,but,bygolly,shecouldenjoythem.

“Idon’tcare,”thoughtMissPettigrewrapturously.“Mydearmotherwouldhavebeenshocked.Ican’thelpit.I’veneverbeensothrilledinmylifebefore.Shealwayssaidbecarefulofstrangers,youneverknow.Theymaybeleadingmetodestruction,butwhocanpossiblywanttodestroyamiddle-agedspinsterlikeme?Irefusetocreditit.Idon’tknowwhythesethingsarehappening.Idon’tcare.They’rehappening.That’senough.”

“FeelingO.K.?”askedMissLaFossesolicitously.“Leadon,”saidMissPettigrewjoyfully,radiantly.“Taxi,miss?”askedtheporterdownstairs.MissPettigrewhadneverbeeninataxiforpurefrivolitybefore.Itwasthe

finaltouch:thegestureperfect.ShesatbackandwatchedtheLondonstreetsflypastherwiththesenseofbeinginadream,butaperfectlysensibledream.Nonightmareroundthecorner.Shedidn’tknowwheretheywent.ShehadalwaysbeenterrifiedoftheLondonmazeandhadneveryetlearnedtogetherbearings.Theystoppedandboughtapairofsoles.Theywenton.Theystoppedinfrontofahouse.Allthewindowswerelit.Theygotout.MissLaFossepaidoffthetaxi.Theyknockedandwereadmitted.NoonechallengedMissPettigrew.“We’reverylate,”remarkedMissDubarry.

Themaidledthemtoadressing-room.Therewerenootheroccupants.“That’sallright,Maisie,”saidMissLaFosse.“Weknowtheway.”Themaidleftthem.MissLaFosseandMissDubarrypowderedtheirnoses.“Comealongnow,Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse.“Youmustpowderyour

noseagain.Itisn’tdonenotto.Lastgesturebeforeenteringaroom—powderyournose.Itgivesasenseofconfidence.”

yournose.Itgivesasenseofconfidence.”Withtremblingfingers,nervous,clumsy,contented,forthefirsttimeinlife

MissPettigrewpowderedherownnose.“Doyouknow,”shesaidhappily,“Ithinkyou’reright.Itdoesaddacertain

assurancetoone’sdemeanour.Ifeelitalready.”“Attaboy,”praisedMissDubarry.Theywalkeddownstairs.Frombehindacloseddoorcamehighsoundsof

revelry.SuddenlyMissPettigrewfeltqualms.Shestoodrootedtothespot.Stage-frightengulfedher.Sheforgotabsolutelywhatshenowlookedlike.Herglimpseshadbeentooshort.Shewouldneedsolidhoursofcloseconcentrationtogethernewimagesoakedin.Shesimplyfeltasshehadalwaysfelt:MissPettigrewpermanentlyseekinganewjob,nervous,incompetent,dowdyandshy.Shebegantoshake.Theywouldlaughather,stareather,makeremarks.Shecouldn’tbearit.Shecouldn’tfaceanymoreridicule.Shehadhadsomuchinherlife.

MissLaFosseandMissDubarryhadalsostopped.“We’rehere,”saidMissDubarryinaweakvoice.MissPettigrewstaredather.AllMissDubarry’sgayinsouciancehadgone.

Shelookedlimpasarag:drooping,nervous,moreterrifiedthanherself.Shewassosurprisedsheforgotherownnervousnessagain.

“Buckup,Edythe,”MissLaFosseimplored.“Youcan’tlethimsee.Everythingwillbeallright.She’sboundtothinkofsomething.”

TheybothturnedtoMissPettigrew.“Youwon’tforgetTony,”saidMissLaFosseurgently.“I’llpointhimoutwhenwegetin,ifhe’sthere,”saidMissDubarrywith

equalurgency.“Howkind,”thoughtMissPettigrew,touched.“She’ssofriendlyshewants

metoseeherformeryoungman,eveniftheyhavequarrelled.”“Ishouldlovetomeetyouryoungman.Thankyouverymuch,”saidMiss

Pettigrewearnestly.“There,”saidMissLaFosseproudly.“WhatdidItellyou?She’sthinkingof

somethingalready.”“Please…”beganMissDubarry.“Noinstructions,”beggedMissLaFosseagain.“Theyonlymuddlepeople.

Youmustletherdoherownact.It’sfarthebestway.”“Youwon’tforget,”saidMissDubarrywithalastdespairingreminder.MissPettigrewhadn’tthefaintestideawhattheyweretalkingabout,butso

manyoftheirspeecheswereoddandbeyondhercomprehensionshedidn’ttroubleherselfandtherewascertainlynotimetoquestion.MissLaFosseopened

troubleherselfandtherewascertainlynotimetoquestion.MissLaFosseopenedthedoor,andshewassweptin.

Sheblinked,dazzled.Theroomwasfullofpeople,menandwomen.Theirjumbledvoicesassaultedherears.Itwasalargeroom.Atthefarendwaswhatlookedlikeacounterandbehinditalotofbottles.Shehadverylittletimetogatherclearimpressionsbecauseattheirentrytherewereloudcriesandtheywereimmediatelysurroundedbypeople.MissLaFosseandMissDubarrywereobviouslypopular.

“Delysia.”“Edythe.”MissLaFossebeamed.AsurprisingtransformationtookplaceinMiss

Dubarry.Shelaughed,talked,joked.Nosignofdepressionorunhappiness.MissLaFossehadfirmholdofMissPettigrew’sarm.Shepilotedherround.MissPettigrewsaid‘How-do-you-do?’politelyto,shewassure,aboutahundredpeople.Noonestaredather.Noonelaughedather.Nohostessgaveherafreezingwelcome.Shedidnotknowforsurewhoherhostesswas.Shehadavagueideathatadreamywoman,inabrilliantscarletfrock,whosaid,“Delysiadarling,howgoodofyoutocome,”mightbeshe.Butthenanotherwomanindiaphanousgreensaid,“Delysia,mypet,howsweettoseeyou.”Sodoubtcouldenter.

Shefoundadrinkinherhands,placedtherebyacharmingyoungmanwithdark,wavyhair,acajolingvoice,andawickedtwinkleinhiseyes,butMissLaFossegaveanurgentshakeofherhead.

“Iwouldn’t,”shewhispered.“Imean,notthatdrink.That’sTerence’sown.I’llgetyouonemyself.Imean,Iwouldn’tliketohurtyourfeelings,Guinevere,butIdon’tthinkyou’reveryusedtostrongliquor,and,well,there’sTony,youknow,andthat’sverystrong.”

“Justasyouadvise,mydear,”saidMissPettigrew,flustered.“Iwouldn’tdreamofdoinganythingyoudidn’tadvise.”

MissLaFossebroughtheranother.“Now,”saidMissLaFosseinamoment’sbreathingspace,“wouldyoulikea

seat,and,ifso,where?Youmustn’ttireyourselfbeforetonight.”“Ithink,”saidMissPettigrewsimply,“Iwillstandjustoverthere,sothatifI

lookupIcanseemyselfinthemirroracrosstheroom.Pleasedon’tthinkthatpurevanitydictatesthiswish,thoughIadmitalittleispresent.Iamnotaccustomedtomyselfyet,andifIcanglanceupeverynowandthenmerelytoreassuremyselfofwhatIdon’tlooklike,itwillgivemetremendousstrengthandencouragement.”

andencouragement.”“Anexcellentidea,”agreedMissLaFosse.SheledMissPettigrewtothedesiredvantage-point.MissPettigrewatonce

tookasurreptitiouspeepatherselfinthemirror.Shegaveatremendoussighofrelief.Shestillretainedhernewpersonality.Therewaslittletodistinguishherfromanyotherwomanpresent.Verycarelesslysheloosenedherfurcoattoshowoffmoreofthevelvetgown.Shefeltsoelatedshedidn’tcarewhethershewasleftaloneornot.Shewasheretowatchandenjoyandremember.Thatwassufficient.Butshewasn’tleftalone.MissLaFossedisappearedafteratime,buttoMissPettigrew’ssurpriseothersimmediatelytookherplace.Infactaconsiderablenumberofpeopleinturntookherplace.Theyspoketoherpleasantlyandofferedherdrinks,which,ofcourse,sherefused,andseemedtoregardherwithdeference.MissPettigrewgrewmoreelatedandmoreexcitedeveryminute.Shecouldn’tunderstandit.Sheseemedtobeholdingquitealittlecourtofherown.Shedidn’tfindconversationatalldifficult,asshehaddreaded.Shemerelyagreedwithwhatanyonesaidtoherandsmiled,andtheyatoncelookedgratified.Ifshedidventurearemarkofherowntheytookitwithsuchalookofwonderingadmirationshebegantothinkshehadneverbeforehadachancetotestherconversationalpowerstothefull.

Shelaughedsomuchandshookherheadsomuch,everynowandthenshewassureshewasbecominguntidyanddishevelledandalittledisordered.Then,allshehadtodowastakeapeepatherselfinthemirroratoncetobereassured.NoMissPettigrew,governess,staredbackather,butastrangelady,whosedisarrayhadadistinctiveandbecomingcharm.

Andstillpeoplecameforalittlefriendlyintercourse.ShewashappilyinnocentofMissLaFosse’schattering.MissLaFossecouldn’tkeepagoodthingtoherself.Detailscouldnotbegiven,butabriefsketch,ofanimaginaryincident,couldn’tberesisted.

“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“ThemostbrilliantmimicI’veeverseeninmylife.”

“Goodparty,”saidReggieCarteret,varietystar,toFlorenceSomers,vaudevillebeauty.

“Moiracertainlydrawsthecrowds,”agreedMissSomers.“Who’sthelady?”askedReggie.“MissPettigrew.”“Don’tthinkwe’vemet.”“What?”Withassumedcondescension,“NeverseenhertakeoffMrs.

Brummegan?”“Mrs.Brummegan?”

“Mrs.Brummegan?”“Mrs.Brummegan.”“Neverheardofher.”“NeverheardofMrs.Brummegan?”“No.”Anxiously,“ShouldI?”“Youcertainlyshould.”“ThenI’dbetter.”“Can’taffordnottobeintheknowthesedays,”agreedMissSomers.“You’reright.Doesn’tpay.”“Well,bye-bye,”saidMissSomers.“There’sCharlie.Seeyouanon.”“Goodparty,”saidReggieCarterettoMauriceDins-more,superiorjuvenile

lead.“Prettyfair,”saidMauricecarelessly.“Theycertainlyalwaysmanagetogetthenewcelebrities.”“Celebrity!Who?”“MissPettigrew.”“MissPettigrew?”“NeverseenhertakeoffMrs.Brummegan?”incredulously.“Mrs.Brummegan?”“SurelyyouknowMrs.Brummegan?”“Oh…ah!Yes.Cometothinkofit,Ibelievewe’vemet.AttheDesmonds,

wasn’tit?”“Probably.”“MissPettigrewdoherwell?”“Brilliantmimic.KnockspotsoffDoraDelaney.”“Youdon’tsayso.”“Umm…don’tbreatheaword,butIbelievePhilGoldberg’sgoingtoback

her.She’safriendofDelysia’sandDelysia’sgotGoldberg…likethat.”“GoodLord!”saidMaurice.“Fact.FriendofGoldberg’s,well,whowouldn’twanttoknowher?”“Whowouldn’t?”agreedMaurice.Hehastenedaway.“Ah!Hello,Eveline,”saidMauricetohismoresuperiorladyjuvenilelead.“Howdy,Maurice.”“Metthelady?”“Whatlady?”“Mydeargirl,surelyyouknowher.”“Knowwho?”

“Knowwho?”“MissPettigrew.”“Oh…ah…MissPettigrew.”“Futurestar.”“Oh…er.Cometothinkofit,IbelieveIhavereadnotices.”“NeverseenherdoMrs.Brummegan?”“Mrs.Brummegan?”“Sure,”condescendingly.“You’veheardofMrs.Brummegan?”“Oh…er.Yes.SureI’veheard.SoshedoesMrs.Brummegan?”“Raisedtheroofintheprovinces,Iunderstand.”“Oh.Theprovinces!”morecoldly.“Londonnext,”blandly.“London?”“Sure.PhilGoldberg’sbehindher.Comedystarofhisnewrevue.Sharing

honourswithDelysiaLaFosse.”“Why,nowyoumentionit,IbelieveIheard,”agreedMissSomers.“Younevercantell.Nobodyoneday.QueenofLondonthenext.”“Ah,yes.ThinkI’llhaveawordwithher.”MissPettigrewreceivedthemall:eyesshining,faceradiant,hairloosening—

butveryartistically,stillinMissDubarry’swaves.Ear-ringstwinklingwithworldlysophistication:cheeksnowdevelopinganaturalflush:bosomheavingwithsomuchexcitement.

MissLaFossetouchedherarm.MissPettigrewturnedfromherlatestadmirer.“That’sTony,”whisperedMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewlooked;anaverage-sizedyoungman,withbrown,untidyhair,

hot,smoulderingeyes,andsomethingruggedandstubbornabouthisface.“Oh!”thoughtMissPettigrewinrelief.“Aniceface.Iexpected…I

expected…aloungelizard.Justshowshowyoucanmisjudgeagirl’sappearance.”

MissDubarryandTonyhadhadameeting.“Howdy,Tony?”saidMissDubarryairily.“Grandparty,”saidTonyequably.MissDubarrypassedon.Theywereverycoolandpoisedaboutit,very

modernandnonchalant.Afterthattheyavoidedeachother.MissDubarrywasfulloflifeinonecorner.Tonyfulloflifeinanother.

“Ah!”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Veryconsciousofeachother.Showingoff.Ohdear,whatapity!Showstheycareforeachother.”

LaterMissDubarrycameup.“That’sTony,”shewhispered.

“That’sTony,”shewhispered.“Iknow,”agreedMissPettigrew.ShelookedatMissDubarry.Tonywasn’tlookingtheirwayandMiss

Dubarrylethergazerestonhim.ForabriefflashMissPettigrewthoughtsheglimpsedasicklookinhereyes,thenTonyturnedandMissDubarrywaslaughingwithsomeoneelse.

SuddenlyMissPettigrewwasnotsointerestedinthepeopleroundher.Afterall,theywerestrangers,butMissDubarrywasherfriend.Shecouldn’tfeelsohappyagain,knowinghowMissDubarryfelt.

Sheedgedawayandfoundacornerbyherselfattheendofthebar.Shediscoveredahighstoolandsatdown.

“Ohdear!”thoughtMissPettigrewsadly.“Idohopethatyoungmancomestohissenses.Ican’tbearMissDubarrytobeunhappylikethat.Oneisyoungforsolittleatime.”

MissLaFossecameup.“Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse,“meetTony,apalofmine.”“How-do-you-do?”saidMissPettigrew.“How-do-you-do?”saidTony.“Haveaconfab,”saidMissLaFossecheerfully.Shedisappeared.“Fetchyouadrink,”offeredTonyamiably.“Thanks,”saidMissPettigrewthoughtfully,“IthinkIwill.”“Ihavehadtwoalready,”thoughtMissPettigrewjudiciously,“andfeelnoill

effects.Onemorecandonoharmandanaffirmativeanswerseemstoimpressthemagreatdealmore.”

Tonyeyedhercritically.Helikedtothinkhewasanicejudgeofawoman.Henotedtheslytwinkleoftheear-rings,thesleekcutofthegown.Hejudgedaccordingly.

“Snake’sVenom?”“Oh…er.Isit?Yesofcourse,”saidMissPettigrew,somewhattakenaback.Tonybroughtadrink.MissPettigrewdranknearlyhalfinagulp.Tonyeyed

heradmiringly.ForawildmomentMissPettigrewwonderedwhetheritreallyhadbeenpoison.Shesatperfectlystillinherchair.Shedidn’tdaremove.Firerandownherthroat.Theroomheaved.Herchairswayed.Hereyesplayedtricks.Theneverythingsettled.Theroomwasnotmoving.Herchairwasquitestationary.Shewasstillseatedsafelyuponit.Shemadeatentativemovement.Shecouldstillretainherbalance.MissPettigrewbeamed.

Shefeltgrand.Shefeltbrimmingwithauthorityandassurance.Itwasamarvelloussensation.Shethoughtscornfullyofherformertimidself.Afutile

marvelloussensation.Shethoughtscornfullyofherformertimidself.Afutilecreature!Fear!Hadsheonceknownfear?Impossible.Shefeltsurgingwithpugnaciousintentions.Shewantedtodobattlewithsomeoneforthesheersakeofdowningthemgloriouslyandprovingherpowers.Sheeyedtheroomwiththelightofbattleinhergaze.Whowouldofferhercombat?

Tonywasstandingverysubmissivelybyherside.Hedidnotseemtowanttoreturntothecrowd.HestruckachordofmemoryinMissPettigrew’smind.ShesawthathiseyesfollowedMissDubarrywhenMissDubarrywasn’tlookingathim.Sheremembered.VeryslowlyandverycarefullyMissPettigrewstoodup.

“Ha!”barkedMissPettigrew.“Soyou’reTony?”Hestarted.“Sure.I’mTony.”“Iwantedtomeetyou.”“Verykindofyou,I’msure.”“Notatall.Stupidyoungmen,”saidMissPettigrew,“alwaysinterestme.”“What?”Tonygaspedinsurprise.“Stupid,”saidMissPettigrew.“Me?”“You!”“Oh!”saidTonyengagingly.“Ididn’tknowyouknewme.”“Toowell.”Helookedinterested.“Butwhystupid?”“Oh,youwouldn’tbeinterested,”saidMissPettigrewhaughtily.“Imerely

takeanacademicinterestinhearingofthefolliesofyoungpeople.I’mpasttheage,yousee,whenIcanbeayoungfoolmyself,sotheinteresthasnorepercussions.”

“What’sthatgottodowithme?”Tonyglared.“YouhappenedtobeoneIheardof.”MissPettigrewglaredback.“Who’sbeencallingmeafool?”demandedTonybelligerently.Hisfacebegantoglowerandhiseyestosmoulder.“Noone…precisely,”saidMissPettigrewwithcuttingmeaning.“Itwas

merelymyowninterpretationwhenIheard.”“Heardwhat?”“I’mnotatallinterestedingivingyoudetails,”saidMissPettigrewloftily.“I

merelyhappenedtothinkwhatafoolthatyoungmanwasandthoughtI’dliketoseehim.NowIhaveI’msatisfied.”

“Satisfiedwithwhat?”“Myinterpretation.”

“Myinterpretation.”“MyGod!”criedTony.Heglared.“Who’veyoubeentalkingto?Iwon’t

haveanybodygoingroundcallingmeafool.”“Youshouldn’tactlikeonethen.”“Me?”“Ofcourse,”saidMissPettigrewwithasurgeofpity,“it’snotallyourfault.

Youngpeopleneverhaveanydiscernment.Bythetimeyoureachmyage,you’llhavelearnedtoknowwhenpeoplearetellingthetruthandwhennot.”

“Idon’tneedtoreachyouragebeforeIknowwhenpeoplearetellingmethetruth.”

MissPettigrewsmiledcondescendingly.Tonywentredintheface.“Nowwhatareyougrinningat?”“Smiling,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity,“andquitekindly.Butdon’t

mindme.Iliketohearyoungpeopletalk.Itamusesme.Howclevertheythinktheyare!ItmakesmegladI’vereachedtheagewhenit’shardtobefooled.”

“Noone’sfoolingme.”“Onlyyourself.”“What…”“Butthere!”saidMissPettigrew,nowbecomingcynical,“you’requiteright.

There’snothingtothislovebusiness.Whenyou’remyageyou’llrealizeitandbethankfulthatyoudidactintherightwayforstupidreasons.”

“Woman,”criedTonyfuriously,“ifyousayyourageandmyageagainI’lldosomethingdesperate.

“Butmindyou,”continuedMissPettigrew,“Ithinkthewoman’sjustaslucky.AsIsaidtoMissLaFosse,it’sagoodthingshe’sgotridofhim.Idon’tknowyourfriendverywell,butIdoknowwhenwomenaretellingthetruth.You’vegotto,inmyprofession.Childrenlieso.Onegetsasixthsenseforknowingwhenthey’relyingornot.”

“MyGod!”criedTonydesperately.“Whatthedevilareyoutalkingaboutnow?”

“Myprofession,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity.“What’sthat?”“Iteach.”“Teachwhat?”“Children.”“OhLord!”saidTonyweakly.“Becalm,”heimplored.“Becool.Be

collected.Now…think.Whatarewetalkingabout?”MissPettigrewthought.Shepondereddeeply.Concentration,shediscovered,

MissPettigrewthought.Shepondereddeeply.Concentration,shediscovered,wasratherdifficult.Questionandanswer.Shehadaninspiration.

“Yourlatefiancéeofcourse.”“Edythe,”explodedTony.“Well,”saidMissPettigrewindignantly,confusingwhatshehadthoughtat

thetimewithwhatshehadsaid,“asIsaidtoher,whybotherwithayoungmanwhoisperpetuallymakingscenesmerelyforhisownenjoyment.Itgetsboring.”

“Idon’tcreatescenesmerelyformyownenjoyment,”saidTonyfuriously.“Well,”saidMissPettigrew.“Youcertainlydon’tthinkmuchofyourself.”“Holysufferingmackerel!Wherearewenow?”criedTonyindespair.

“What’sthatgottodowithit?”“Ohtut!”saidMissPettigrewforcefully.“Beyourself.Dowomenusually

forgetyouonceyou’reoutofsight?”“Theydonot.”“Nonsense.”“Nonsense.Nonsensewhat?Whatdoyouknowaboutit?”MissPettigrewlookedirritatinglybland.Hermindfeltbeautifullylightand

clear.Nothingtroubledher.Brilliantreparteesimplyleapedtothetongue.Thisyoungmanwasnomatchforher.

“Well,ifyouhadsuchaconceitofyourselfasyoumakeout,itwouldneveroccurtoyouthatanywomanwouldpreferanothermaninyourabsence.”

“Neithertheydo.”“Thenwhy,”demandedMissPettigrew,becomingindignantagain,“pretend?

It’sjustacowardlywayofgettingoutofanentanglement.Averycowardlyway,Ishouldsay.Oozingoutofthebackdoor.Distinctlysordid,”concludedMissPettigrewtriumphantly.

“Whatentanglement?Whosebackdoor?”criedTony,beginningtofeelliketearinghishair.

“Apaltrytale.Whydidn’tyousaybeforeyouweretiredandbeaman.”“Tiredofwhat?”“OfMissDubarry.”“I’mnottiredofMissDubarry.”“Well,goodgraciousme!”saidMissPettigrewwarmly.“Itseemsveryoddto

me.YousayyouarenottiredofMissDubarryandshesaysshe’snottiredofyou…well,really,whatisanoutsidertothink?”

“Who’saskingoutsiderstothink?”“Murderwillout,”saidMissPettigrewwithaglower.“Istartedbythinking

it.Istilldo.”“Dowhat?”

“Dowhat?”“Thinkyou’reaverystupidyoungman.”“Oh,youdo,doyou?”“Yes.Ido.”Theyglaredateachother.MissPettigrewhadneverbeensorudetoanyone

inherlifebefore.Suddenlysherealizedthis.Whathadshebeensaying?Shebegantofeelalittleflustered.Shediscoveredtheotherhalfofherdrinkstillinherglass.Sheswallowedanothergulp.Itranhotdownherthroat.Shefeltbetteratonce.Hedeservedallhegot.HehadhurtverydeeplyherdearfriendMissDubarry.Sherenewedherindignantglare.

“Afterthewayshecaredforyou.”“Oh!Shecaresforme,doesshe?”askedTonysarcastically.“Didn’tshesayso?”“Oh.Shesaidso.”“Don’tyouknow?”“Well,she…”“Ah!”saidMissPettigrewwithbrilliantsarcasm.“Youth’sdiscernment…”“Yes,shedid,”Tonyshouted.“Didn’tyou?”Tonyglared.Hegulped.Wentredintheface.“Yes,”saidTony,“Idid.”“Well,”saidMissPettigrew,“I’veneverheardanythingsillierinmylife.I

hopeshekeepsherpromiseandhasnothingfurthertodowithyou.”“Oh,shesaidthat,didshe?”“Yes,shedid,”saidMissPettigrewheatedly.“AndIfullyagreewithher.I

don’tliketobesofrank,butmyageallowsmealittlelicence.Aftermeetingyou,youngman,IthinkMissDubarrywillbemuchwisertofindsomeoneofamorestabletemperament,andmoresustainedpowerofthought.Marriageisaseriousbusiness.”

“Soyou’dmarryherofftosomeoneelse,wouldyou?”demandedTonyfuriously.

“That’swhatI’drecommend,”saidMissPettigrewwithequalanger.“I’mverygladshe’sfinishedwithyou.”

“Soshe’sfinishedwithme,hasshe?”“Hasn’tshe?”“Oh,hasshe?We’llseeaboutthat.”Tonyturnedandglaredaround.MissDubarrywassittingnearthem,quite

withinglaringdistance.Shehadedgedupverycarefully.MissPettigrewand

withinglaringdistance.Shehadedgedupverycarefully.MissPettigrewandTony,talkinginacorner,seemedfartooimportanttoherforhertoremainoutofreach.Shemustbeonhandshouldcircumstancesdemandherpresence.Theydid.

“Edythe,”calledTonyinalow,carrying,concentratedvoice.MissDubarrycameupnonchalantly.“Soyou’vefinishedwithme,haveyou?”saidTonyinalow,explosivevoice.MissDubarrydidsomerapidmentalgymnastics.Sheglancedsidewaysat

MissPettigrew.Somesubtleworkhadbeengoingonhere.Carelessnessmightruinsomething.Whenindoubt,repeatthequestion.

“HaveI?”repeatedMissDubarrycarelessly.“Soyoudon’tthinkI’mstableenough?”“Well,”askedMissDubarrycautiously,“areyou?”“Ha!”explodedTonyagain.“Soyouthinkyou’llmarrysomeoneelse.”“Well,”saidMissDubarry,stillwildlyfeelingherway,“Imean,I’mnotin

myteens.It’stimeIwasthinkingofsettlingdown…andifyoudon’twanttomarryme…”

“Soyouhopenevertoseemeagain,doyou?”“Oh!”saidMissDubarrywarily,“Iwouldn’tbesohardasallthat,Tony.

Thatwassaidintheheatofthemomentwhenyou’dhurtme.Idon’tseewhyweshouldn’tbefriends.”

“Friends!”saidTonywithanotherexplosion.“Friends!Soyoudidsayit?”“Well,yes,Isaidit,”agreedMissDubarryalittlenervously.This

conversationwasgettingdangerous.Shehadnoclue.Apityshehadn’tbeenabletogetbehindthecurtains,butthen,howcouldshehaveemergedwithdignity?

“SoyouthinkI’mthekindofmanyoucangetridofaseasilyasallthat,doyou?”demandedTony.

“Well,no,”saidMissDubarrywildly.“Imean…youalwayswereasucker.”“YoubetIam.”“Well,thereyouare.”MissDubarrycollapsed.“I’mgladyouagree,”saidTonybelligerently.“Womendon’tpickmeupand

dropmeastheythinkfit.”“Ofcoursenot.”“I’mgladyourealizeit.”“OfcourseIdo.”“Well,whataboutit?”“Oh!”MissDubarry’shearttooksuchawildleapshealmostexpectedtosee

itjumpoutofherbody.Herinstinctsweretoopenherarmswideandgather

itjumpoutofherbody.HerinstinctsweretoopenherarmswideandgatherTonytoherbosom,buthernativeguilesavedher.

“Oh,Idon’tknow,”saidMissDubarryhaughtily.“Nogirllikestobetoldshe’saliar,evenifsheisone,butwhenshe’sactuallytellingthetruth…”

“Ohwell.”Tony’seyessmouldered.“I’veapologized…butifthat’sthewayyoufeelaboutit…”

Hemadesignsofdeparture.“Tony,”wailedMissDubarry.“Edythe,”saidTonyinahuskyvoice.MissPettigrewstoodbeamingonthembenignly.Shehadverylittleideanow

whatsheandTonyhadbeentalkingaboutandtheirpresentremarkssoundedverycryptictoher,buttheresultseemedtopleasebothofthemandthatwasallthatmattered.MissDubarrylookedsohappyMissPettigrewforgaveTonyeverything.

Sheglancedroundtheroomalittleanxiously.Suchapublicdisplayofemotionwasatrifleembarrassingandonalady’sparthardlyquite…well,justhardlyquite.

Butnoonewastakingtheslightestnotice.Everyonewastalking.Noonelistening.TonycouldhavebeenmurderingMissDubarryinsteadofgazingatherwithsuchworshipforallanyoneintheroomwouldhavenoticed.MissPettigrewgaveamodestsighofrelief.

MissDubarryswunground.ShegazedatMissPettigrewwithwhatistechnicallyknownasastarrylook.

“Oh!”gaspedMissDubarry.“Youwonderfuldarling.”MissPettigrewlookedsurprised.MissDubarrygaveherahugandwhispered

inherear.“HowcanIeverthankyou?”MissPettigrewwasextremelypleased.Shequiteunderstoodareconciliation

hadtakenplace,butdidnotunderstandwhy.“Oh,mydear!”whisperedMissPettigrew.“Iwishyoueveryhappiness.”Regardlessofmake–up;,regardlessoftheimportanceofherappearance,

regardlessofthefactthatTonymightinadvertentlyseewhatshereallylookedlike,tearscameintoMissDubarry’seyesandoneortwoactuallyrolledover,leavingintheirtracksfaint,blacksmudgesofmascara.

“Oh!”gulpedMissDubarry.“Ilookasight.”“Youlookperfect,”saidTonyadoringly.“I’llhavetogotothecloakroom,”saidMissDubarryinafluster.“I’llcomewithyou,”saidTony.

“I’llcomewithyou,”saidTony.Theywentaway.MissPettigrewwatchedtheirprogresswithabenign,

maternal,indulgentgaze.“Thedearthings,”shethoughtsentimentally.“Justalittlelover’stiff.

Forgottenassoonastheysaweachotheragain.”Shegaveaverymildhiccup.“Tut,tut,”thoughtMissPettigrew;“indigestion.Imusttakesomemagnesia

tonight.”

CHAPTERNINE

6.21PM—7.25PM

issPettigrewwasextremelyhappy.Shefeltsodelightfullylightandairyshewasalmostsureshecouldmakethepassagetothedoorbysimplyfloatingthroughtheair.Shediscernedasmallportionofliquorstillin

thebottomofherglass.Shedrankitdown.MissLaFossewasgazingatMissPettigrewfromtheothersideoftheroom.ForthepastquarterofanhourallherinteresthadbeencentredinMissPettigrew’scorneroftheroom.ShehadnotedthelengthofTony’sstay.ShehadnotedMissDubarryjointhem.Hercuriosityhadreachedfeverheat.Thenanacquaintancehadblockedhervision,heldherinconversation,andwhennextshehadbeenfreetogaze,Tonywasgone;MissDubarrywasgone.

MissPettigrewwasstandingalonewitharakishair,faceradiant,eyesbeaming,hairalittleawry,anemptywineglassinherhand.

MissPettigrewwaslookingblissfullyhappy.MissPettigrewwaslookingtoohappy.MissLaFosseknewthatlook.Herheartmissedabeat.Herconsciencesmoteher.Guineverehadbeenontheloosealonetoolong.ShehadcompletelyforgottentowarnTonynottojudgeherfriendbythefurcoatandtheblackdress;amostreprehensiblelackofthought.Sheonlyhopedshewasn’ttoolate.

Shegaveadistractedanswertoafriend,rudelylefthimandploughedherwayacrosstheroomtowardshercharge,adubiouseyeontheemptywineglass.MissPettigrewgaveherabeamingwelcome.

“Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosseanxiously,“youhaven’tbeenimbibing?”“Imbibing?”“Thepinsaren’twobbling.”“Thepins?”repeatedMissPettigrew.Sheraisedherchinhaughtily.“Thelegs,”saidMissPettigrewwithmuchdignity,“areperfectlysteady.”“Demonstrate,”saidMissLaFossesternly.MissPettigrewwalkedtwostepsbackandtwostepsforwardagain.She

manageditwithcommendablesteadiness.“ThankGod!”saidMissLaFossethankfully.“Yoursuspicions,”saidMissPettigrewreproachfully,“hurtmedeeply.”

“Yoursuspicions,”saidMissPettigrewreproachfully,“hurtmedeeply.”“Nooffence,”apologizedMissLaFosse.“Mysuspicionswerenotofyoubut

ofTony.”“Acharmingyouth,”saidMissPettigrewsentimentally,“ifalittleerratic.But

yoursuspicionsareagainquiteunfounded.OnesmalldrinkonlywasallheofferedorIaccepted.”

“IknowTony’sdrinks,”saidMissLaFosse,stillgrimlydoubtful.Buthercuriosityovercameherworry.Shecouldcontainheranxietyno

longer.“Whereishe?”demandedMissLaFosseexpectantly.“Where’swho?”“Tony.”“Inthecloakroom,”saidMissPettigrewdreamily.“Oh!”exclaimedMissLaFossewithashockofdisappointment.“Where’sEdythe?”sheaskedhopelessly.“Inthecloakroom,”saidMissPettigrewsentimentally.“Oh!”criedMissLaFosseagain,excitementcharginghervoice.“Oh,

Guinevere,don’tsayit…don’tsayit…”“Saywhat?”“They’renot…together?”“Whynot?”askedMissPettigrew.“Tothepure,allthingsarepure.”“Oh,youdarling!”criedMissLaFosse.“You’remarvellous…you’re

wonderful…you’reamiracle.Howdidyoudoit?Didn’tIsayyouwould!Oh,I’msohappy!Ithinkyou’rethemostwonderfulwomanI’veevermet.Nobodybutyoucouldhavedoneit.TonyandEdythetogetheragain.”

MissPettigrewlookedworldly-wise.“Mydear!Allyoungpeoplequarrel.Itmeansnothing.Oncetheygottogether

again,itwasallquitesimple.Allthey…”“Ofcourseitwassimple…toyou.Nooneelsecouldhavebroughtthem

togetheragain.Youdon’tknowTonywhenhegetsabeeinhisbonnet…Ido.You’retheworld’smiracleworker.”

MissPettigrewgaveitup.Ifhercharmingfriendlikedtotalkinriddles,lethertalk.She,MissPettigrew,didn’tcare.Shedidn’tcareaboutanything.Sheonlyknewshehadneverfeltsodelightfullygayandirresponsibleinallherlifebefore.Letthemalltalkinriddlesiftheyliked.Ahabittheyobviouslyliked.Whatdidshecare?Nothing.

“Asyousay,”saidMissPettigrewbenignly.“Let’sgo,”saidMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewfeltastabofapprehension.Sheturnedawildlooktowardsthe

MissPettigrewfeltastabofapprehension.Sheturnedawildlooktowardsthedoor.Itseemedremote.Shewasabruptlyinvadedwithastrongdisinclinationtoattemptthepassage.

“Mydear,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity,“ifyoudonotmindIwilltakeyourarm.Myheadisalittledizzy.Itistheheat,Ithink.Iamnotaccustomedtosuchacrowdedroomwithnowindowsopen.”

“Therenow!”saidMissLaFosseheatedly.“Iknew.Whatthehell’sTonybeengivingyou?YouwereallrightwhenIleftyou.I’lltakehisheadoffwhenIseehim.Heshouldhaveknown.”

“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Please.Itisn’ttrue…itisn’tpossible…I’dnevergetovertheshame.Iassureyou,theheat.I’mpositivetheheat.”

“Therenow,therenow,”soothedMissLaFosse.“Ofcourseit’stheheat.Don’tgetupset.You’requiteallright.You’llbefinewhenwegetoutside.Theairinthisroomislousy.”

MissLaFossetookfirmholdofMissPettigrewandpilotedheracrosstheroom.Voicesassailedthemonallsides.

“Notgoingyet?”“Drunkyourfillalready?”“Thetap’sstillrunning.”MissPettigrewbeamedonthemallindiscriminately.MissLaFossefended

themoffwitheasyrejoinders.Theyreachedthedoorandescaped.InthepassageMissPettigrewstoppedandgasped.“Ohdear!Ihavefailedtothankmyhostessforaperfectlycharmingtime.

Whatwillshethink?Imustreturn.”“Notonyourlife,”saidMissLaFossehastily.“It’llkeep.Andinanycaseit

wouldn’tbefairtoshockMoira.She’snotaccustomedtoit.”MissPettigrewfeltagreatdealbetterinthecoolairofthepassage.“JustasIsaid,mydear.Itwasthehotairintheroom.”“You’vesaidit,”agreedMissLaFossewithatwinkle.“They’dtalkthehind

legoffadonkeyinthere.”“Ibegyourpardon,”saidMissPettigrew.“Hotair,”explainedMissLaFosse.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew.Itdawned.“Hotair…Ohhowfunny!How

extremelyfunny!”MissPettigrewbegantolaugh.Shelaughedandlaugheduntilthetearsran

downherface.“Well,”saidMissLaFossecheerfully,“youhavehadoneovertheeight.”Butshefeltverypleasedhermildjokehadsuchanappreciativeaudience.

Butshefeltverypleasedhermildjokehadsuchanappreciativeaudience.Togethertheymountedthestairsinhilariousaccord.MissPettigrewrefusedfurtheraid.Shetookfirmholdofthebanistersanddrewherselfup.

Outsidethebedroomwhichwasbeingusedastheladies’cloakroomMissLaFossebeatatattooonthedoor.Thensheopenedit.

“Well,well,”saidMissLaFosse.“Domineeyesdeceiveme,oristhereamanpresent?Oh,shadesofvirtue,wherehastthouflown?”

“Cheeseit,”saidTony.“Delysia,”criedMissDubarry.Shewasnotidier,infact,agreatdealless

tidythanwhenMissPettigrewhadseenherdepartostensiblytorepairhermakeup.

“Edythe,”respondedMissLaFosse.Shesuddenlysmiledtenderly.MissDubarryflewtoherarmsandgaveherahug.

“Delysia.We’regoingtobemarried.”“No!”criedMissLaFosse.SheembracedMissDubarrywithequaljoy,then

firmlyremovedherfriend’sarmsandinsistedonembracingTonylikewise.Tonydidnottakeitamiss.

“Congratulations,youoldsinner.Whythedevildidyouwaitsolong?”Tonygrinned.“Ihadn’tthepriceofalicence.”“YoucouldalwayshaveborroweditfromEdythe.”“Well,”saidTonyseriously,“IthoughtI’dbetterwaitabitbeforeshowing

quitesoobviouslywhyIwasreallymarryingher.Imean,itwasnousethrowingawaytheshipforaha’porthofpatience.”

“Noneatall,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Therestraintdoesyoucredit.”“I’mgladyouappreciatemymanlycapabilities,”saidTonymodestly.“Oh,allofthem,”saidMissLaFosseearnestly.“I’llbegodmotherforthe

firsttwo,butafterthatIrefusefurtherresponsibility.”“Thethirteenthaswell,”beggedTony.“Itmusthavesomelucktocounteract

itsfatalnumber.”“Youdarling,”saidMissLaFosse.“Youcertainlydeserveanotherkissfor

that.”Shekissedhimagain.Tonyappearedtoenjoyit.MissPettigrew,bythistime,

wasbeginningtogethardenedtosomuchindiscriminateaffection.Nooneelseseemedtomindit,whyshouldshe?Shewasslightlypuzzled.Theatmospheredidnotappeartobequiteinkeepingwiththeoccasion.ShysmilesandblusheswerecompletelyabsentfromMissDubarry’scountenance,andanairofgraveawarenessofhisfutureresponsibilitydidnotmantleTony.Itwasverydifficulttogivevoicetoallthebeautifulandtendersentimentswhichsurelythemoment

togivevoicetoallthebeautifulandtendersentimentswhichsurelythemomentdemanded.Butshecouldcontainherselfnolonger.

“Oh,”brokeinMissPettigrewshyly,inaflutterofromanticenjoyment,“mayI…mayIoffermycongratulationsaswell.”

“Thanks,”saidTony.“Younglove…”beganMissPettigrew.MissLaFosseandMissDubarryswungtowardsher.Byacertainlookin

MissDubarry’seye,MissPettigrewknewshewasabouttodescenduponheragain.Shewasright.Shedid.MissPettigrewfoundthiswholesaledisplayofaffectionverybewildering,butextremelygratifying.Itwasnotatallinkeepingwiththerulesforagentlewoman’sbehaviour.Itlackedthatbecomingtouchofthe‘Englishreserve’soesteemedonthecontinent,butforonceMissPettigrewdidn’tcareadamnforagentlewoman’sreticence.

MissDubarryswoopedandgatheredMissPettigrewinamightyhug.“Oh,youdear,dearthing.HowcanIeverthankyou!”Tearsactually

trembledinhereyesagain.“Oh,Guinevere,”criedMissLaFosse,equallymoved,“whatwouldwehave

donewithoutyou?”“Icanneverrepayyou,”saidMissDubarryinaquiverofhappyemotion.“If

there’sanythingyoueverwant,cometome.Awrinkleremoved.Achangeofhair.Afreshface.”

“Whatthedevilareyoutalkingabout?”demandedTony.“Nothing,”chorusedMissLaFosseandMissDubarry.“Nothingformaleears,”saidMissLaFossekindly.“Apurelyfeminine

matter.”MissDubarrygatheredherwraps.“Seeyoutonight,”saidMissLaFosse.“We’llbethere,”saidMissDubarry.Thedoorclosedbehindthem.“Averydelightfulgirl,”saidMissPettigrew,“butalittlebeyondmy

comprehension.”“We’llscram,”saidMissLaFosse,“beforetherestpileup.”Theyleftthehouse.MissLaFossehailedapassingtaxiandbundledMiss

Pettigrewinside.Shestoppedataflorist’sandgotout.“There,”shesaidcheerfullyonreturn,“I’veorderedyourbuttonhole.Who

saidIhadnomemory?”“Oh,howkindyouare!”whisperedMissPettigrew,tearsinhereyes.“Afterwhatyou’vedoneforEdythe!”saidMissLaFosse.“What’sa

“Afterwhatyou’vedoneforEdythe!”saidMissLaFosse.“What’sabuttonhole?”

“But,”beganpoorMissPettigrew,“IassureyouIdon’t…”“Nodepreciation,”saidMissLaFosse.“Iwon’thearit.”TheyarrivedatOnslowMansions.Theywentintothebuilding,rodeupinthe

lift,walkedalongtoMissLaFosse’sdoorandMissLaFosseinsertedherkeyinthelock.

MissPettigrewhadastrangesensationofcominghome.Theafternoon’svisithadbeenanexciting,thrillingexperience,foodforthoughtformanyaday,butitwasnothinglikethefeelingasofcontentafteragoodmealwhichinvadedhertheminuteshecrossedMissLaFosse’sthresholdagain.Thesenseofsimplejoywassopoignantitwasalmostpain.Shewouldnotletherselfthinkoftomorrowwhenallthiswouldonlybeadream.Thiswastoday.

MissPettigrewbustledin.Sheturnedontheelectriclight:switchedontheelectricfire:punchedcushionstoplumpinvitation.Allthelightshaddeepcrimsonshadessothattheroomwasfilledwithacomfortable,red,glowinglookofwarmth.

MissLaFosseflungoffherfurcoat.“ThankGodforamoment’speace.”Shesankintoacomfortablechairinfrontofthefire.MissPettigrewtookoffherfurcoatandlaiditasidewithagreatdealmore

care.Theborrowedgowngaveheraluxuriousfeelingofimportance.Shecouldnothelpwalkingwithanewshowofdignity.Therich,blackvelvetcompelledasenseofmajesty.

“Sitdown,Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse.“You’lltireyourselfout.”“I’mnotabittired,”saidMissPettigrewblissfully.“I’mmuchtooexcitedto

betired.”“LegsO.K.?”“Mylegs,”saidMissPettigrewwithreneweddignity,“werealwaysallright.

Myheadwasonlyalittlefuddledwiththeheat,thatisall.”“Haveityourownway,”saidMissLaFossewithagrin.MissPettigrewcameandsatbesideherhappily.Theelectricfiresentouta

glowofwarmthafterthechill,darkNovemberstreets.SheandMissLaFossewerealoneintheroomwithacomfortable,cosysenseofintimacy.Curtainsdrawn,doorsshut,chairsdrawnuptothefire.Shefeltitwasaboutthehappiestmomentinthewholeofamarvellousday.Butsheonlywantedittobeabreathingspace.Therewasagreatmanyyearsstretchingaheadofherwhichwouldbesimplypackedwithquiet,uneventfulperiods.Atthepresenttimepeacewasdecidedlynotherdesire.Quitethereverse.Somethingmusthappen

peacewasdecidedlynotherdesire.Quitethereverse.Somethingmusthappenagainsoon.Ifitdidn’tshewouldfeelcheated,butsurelythefateshadbeenfartookindtohersofartoturnroundanddeserthernow.Somethingwouldhappen.Shewouldbesensibleandenjoythisrelaxationwhileitlastedtoallowhertorecuperatebeforeeventsstartedhappeningagain.

“Idon’tknowaboutyou,”saidMissPettigrewdaringly,“butIcouldjustdowithanicecupoftea.”

“Oh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Theotherdrinkswereveryniceforachange,”saidMissPettigrew

earnestly,“andcertainlygiveonedelightfullyoddfeelings,butIalwayssayyoucan’tbeatareallynice…cup…of…tea.”

“You’requiteright,”saidMissLaFossekindly.“Ishallgoandmakeone.”“Sitstill,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.“IfyouonlyknewhowI…howIenjoy

doingit…particularlyforsomeonewhoappreciatesit.”MissLaFosseallowedhertohaveherownway.MissPettigrewhurriedintothekitchen.Shemovedaroundinahappyswirl

ofbusydomesticity.ItwassodifferentworkingforMissLaFosse.Apangshotthroughherheart.Howblissfultoownaplacelikethisforoneself!Nevertoworkforanyoneelseagain:nevertositontheoutskirtswhileothersbaskedinthecentre:nevertobeignored,lookeddownon,disregarded.Shepushedthefeelingaway.Herdaywasnotyetover.Obviouslyitwasnotover.MissLaFossehadplannedforthenightaswell,orwhytheflowersfromtheflorists?

Theelectrickettleboiled.MissPettigrewmadethetea.SheputitonatraywithsomebiscuitsandcarriedittothewaitingMissLaFosse.

“You’requiteright,”saidMissLaFosse;“thisteaisdefinitelyrefreshing.”AboveherownfragrantcupMissPettigrewbeamedcontentedly.“Ialwayssay,anice,refreshingcupofteaandyou’resetupforhours.”“Whattimeisit?”askedMissLaFosse.“Nearlyseven,”saidMissPettigrew.“Ah!”saidMissLaFosseluxuriously.“HoursbeforeIneedchange.”“Iunderstand,”saidMissPettigrewwithcarelesssophistication,“thatyou

singatanightclub.”“That’sright.TheScarletPeacock.Nick’splace,youknow.”“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewwithforeboding.“Didn’tTonyandEdythelookhappy?”sighedMissLaFosse.Herfacetook

onadreamy,ruminatinglookofthefemaleripeforalittlemaleattention.MissPettigrew’sheartsankstilllower.

“Theculminationofalltrueromance,”saidMissPettigrewsternly,“is

“Theculminationofalltrueromance,”saidMissPettigrewsternly,“ismarriage.Unlessthethoughtofmarriageentersbothpartners’heads,youmaybesuretherewillbenopermanenthappiness.”

“You’requiteright,”saidMissLaFossemeekly.“AndIhope,”saidMissPettigrew,“youarenotcontemplatingmarriagewith

Nick.Ireallycouldn’tadviseit.”“Lordloveyou,no,”saidMissLaFosse,shocked.“Nick…married!He

wouldn’tbefaithfulfiveminutes.”“Icongratulateyouracumen,”saidMissPettigrew.“Hewouldnot.”“Buthe’sagrandlover,”saidMissLaFossewistfully.“Nodoubt,”saidMissPettigrew.“Allpracticemakesperfect.”“Hereachesmarvellousheights,”pursuedMissLaFossepleadingly.“Whatinterestsme,”saidMissPettigrew,“isthestayingpower.”“Oh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Yousee,”saidMissPettigrew.“Isee,”agreedMissLaFossesadly.“Timeyoudid,”saidMissPettigrewsternly.“Youdodampagirl’senthusiasm,”sighedMissLaFosse.“Onlywhennecessary,”retortedMissPettigrew.“You’regettingsostern,”saidMissLaFossewithatwinkle,“I’llbeafraidof

yousoon.”“Andverygoodifyouwere,”saidMissPettigrew.MissLaFossechuckled.“What’sinadrink!”“Oh!”MissPettigrewsubsidedinafluster.“Oh,mydearMissLaFosse…I

assureyou…youarequitewrong.Iwas…”“There…there,”soothedMissLaFosse.“Justajoke.Whataboutaspotof

dinner?WhatshallIorder?”“Dinner?”saidMissPettigrew.“Forme?Ohno,thankyou.I’mmuchtoo

excitedtoeat.Ishouldgetindigestionandpossiblyhiccupsagainandmynightwouldberuined.”

“I’mnotveryhungrymyself,”agreedMissLaFosselazily.“Shallweleaveitoverthen,andhaveabiteofsupperlateron?”

“Muchthebestplan,”concurredMissPettigrew.Shepouredherselfoutanothercupoftea.Thisinterludewasverypleasant,

butitwasgettingalittleprotracted.Somethingshouldhappensoon.ShehadonlyknownMissLaFosseforpartofaday,butsomethinghadhappenedthewholetime.Shesatwaitingforsomethingtohappennow.Shewouldhavebeengravelydisappointedifeventshadnotkeptuptostandard.Shewasnotabit

gravelydisappointedifeventshadnotkeptuptostandard.Shewasnotabitsurprisedwhenthebellrang.Sheleapedtoherfeetatonce,expectancyinhereyes,nervesattunedforbattle,murderorsuddendeath.MissLaFossemadepreparationsforuprising.

“I’llgo,”saidMissPettigrew.Butitwasonlytheflowers.MissPettigrewslowlyreturnedwiththepackage.“There,”saidMissLaFossewhensheopenedthebox,“theverything.”Asinglescarletrose,inanestoffeatherygreen,glowedwithabrilliant

colour.MissLaFossetrieditonMissPettigrew’sshoulder.“JustasEdythesaid,”exultedMissLaFosse.“Thatonetouchofcolour

againsttheblackgownandthegreenear-ringsandnecklacegivesjusttherightairof…of…!Perfect,”sheended,wordsfailing.

Shelaiditcarefullyonthetableandsatdownagain.SuddenlyasenseofguiltdescendedonMissPettigrew.

Alldayshehadacceptedbenefits,chatteredinequalitywithMissLaFosse,visitedMissLaFosse’sfriends.WhatwouldMissLaFossethinkwhenshediscoveredherrealmission?Noexcusetosayshehadtriedtotellher.Theyhadbeenveryhalf-heartedattempts.Obviously,hadshereallywanted,shecouldhavemadetheopportunity.TherehadbeennumerousperiodsduringthedaywhenithadneverevencomeintoherheadtotryandtellMissLaFosse.ConsciencesmoteMissPettigrew.

Shebegantotremble,tryingtopushawaythesmall,clearvoice.Shewantedtogowheretheyweregoingtonight,withapathetic,passionateeagerness.Shewantedtovisitanightclub,topartakeofitsactivities,tobeatonewiththegayworld.Simplyandhonestlyshefacedandconfessedherabandonmentofalltheprinciplesthathadguidedherthroughlife.Inoneshortday,atthefirstwinkoftemptation,shehadnotjustfallen,butpositivelytumbled,fromgrace.Herlongyearsofvirtuecountedfornothing.Shehadneverbeentemptedbefore.Thefleshpotscalled:themusicbewitched:densofiniquitycharmed.SheactuallywantedtotasteagainthewonderfuldrinkTonyhadgivenher,whichleftonewithsuchasenseofsecurityandpower.Therewasnoexcuse.Shecouldnotdenythatthiswayofsin,condemnedbyparentsandprinciples,wasagreatdealmorepleasantthanthelonelypathofvirtue,andhermoralshadnotwithstoodthetest.

Sheglanceddespairinglyroundtheroom.Thethoughtoflosingthislast,perfectfinishtoaperfectdayrenderedhersickwithdisappointment.ButshecouldacceptnofurtherkindnessfromMissLaFosseunderfalsepretences.Herconsciencehadbeentrainedtoorigorously.

consciencehadbeentrainedtoorigorously.ShecameandsatinfrontofMissLaFosse.“There’salittlematter,”beganMissPettigrewinahusky,quiveringvoice,“I

reallythinkweshouldgetsettledbefore…”“Ihadnomother,”saidMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewgaped.“Atleast,”amendedMissLaFosse,“therewasawomanwhobroughtmeinto

theworld.ButIdidn’tchooseher.Idon’tmissher.”“Yourmother!”gaspedMissPettigrew,shocked.“Shewasn’taverynicewoman,”saidMissLaFossesimply.“Infact,shewas

averyunpleasantwoman.Youknow,thekindthatsendsshiversdownyourbackwhenyouthinkofthem.Notgoodforchildrenatall.Averybadinfluence.Seeingyousittingthere,you’rejustthekindI’dchooseifIhadmychoice.Not,mindyou,”saidMissLaFosseearnestly,“thatyou’reoldenoughtobemymother.Iknowthat.Butthat’swhatIfeel.Youinspireconfidenceandaffection.I’mgladI’vemetyou.”

“Oh,mydear!”quaveredMissPettigrew.“Ican’tbearanymorekindness.No.Ican’t.I’mnotusedtoit.”

MissPettigrew’seyesfloodedwithmoisture.“Ifyouonlyknew…”shefaltered.Rat-tat-tat.Bang-bang-bang.Thump-thump-thump,thunderedsomeone’sfist

onthedoor.“There,”saidMissLaFosseinanannoyedvoice.“Whocanthatbe?Asif

theycouldn’tusethebellrespectably.SupposeI’llhavetoanswerit.”ButMissPettigrewwasonherfeet.Hertearshaddriedlikemagic.Shewas

electrified,galvanized,quiveringlikeahoundatthescent.Thatknockheraldednoordinaryvisitor.Conewasherconfession.

Shewasacrosstheroominaflash.Eyesbeaming,faceradiant,bodytensed,MissPettigrewflungopenthedoor.

CHAPTERTEN

7.25PM—8.28PM

a!”thunderedaloud,masculinevoice.“Don’ttellmeshe’snotin,becauseIwon’tbelieveit.”

“Comein,”saidMissPettigrewecstatically.Thevisitorstrodeintotheroom:atallman,ineveningdress.Blackcoat,not

properlyfastened:silkhataslant:whitemuffler,floatingloose.Amagnificentbody,aruggedface,afighter’schin,apiercingeye,astormyexpression.AHerculesofaman:aClarkGableofaman.

Heflungoffhishat,toreoffhismuffler,castglovesonthefloorandglaredroundtheroomwiththequenching,thrilling,piercing,paralysingeyeofthetraditionalstronghero,butnot,likehim,silent.HisgazefastenedonMissLaFosse.

“So,youlittledevil,”hesaidfuriously,“I’vecaughtupwithyouatlast,haveI?”

“Ohdear!”saidMissLaFosse.Shedidnotevenrisetogreetherguest.Sheseemedfastenedtoherchairby

purefrightorshock,ordismay,oratleastsomestrongemotion,MissPettigrewdiagnosed.Strongemotions,however,atthemoment,wereMissPettigrew’smeat.Sherevelledinthem.ShegotreadytointerposeherbodybetweenMissLaFosseandapossibleassailant,butthelatestvisitorwhippedpastherasifshewerenotthereandtoweredaboveMissLaFosse.

“Well!Whathaveyougottosayforyourself?”“Noexcuse,”quaveredMissLaFosse;“noexcuseatall.”“I’mgladyou’refrank,”hesaidcurtly;“Iwouldn’ttakeevenabilious

attack.”“Ineverhavebiliousattacks,”saidMissLaFosseindignantly;“Inever

overeat.I’vegotmyfiguretothinkof.”“Standup.”MissLaFossestoodupobedientlywithaglimmerofsmilingreliefinher

eyes,buttoherown,andMissPettigrew’scompleteshock,theirateyoungmangraspedhershouldersandbegantoshakehersoundly.

graspedhershouldersandbegantoshakehersoundly.MissPettigrewstartedforwardwithacryofindignation;thenshestopped.

Shedidn’tknowwhy.Herewasastrangeyoungmanmaltreatingherfriendandshesimplystoodlikeastuffeddummyanddidnothingaboutit.Nordidshewantto.MissPettigrewgaspedatherself.Butquitesuddenlyshefeltthatthismagnificentyoungmanwasquitedependable,wouldneverreallyhurtMissLaFosseandthatMissLaFosseprobablydeservedallshewasgetting.Yes.MissPettigrewadmittedthattoherself.QuitefranklysheconfessedinherinnermostmindthatmuchassheadoredMissLaFosseshemustintruthfulnessacknowledgethatherfriendwouldbequitecapableofdoingsomedeedworthyofrighteousangerandobviouslythiswasacaseinpoint.Herwits,sharpenedbytheday’sadventures,wererisingtoamazingheightsofdiscernment.Theyleapedatunderstanding.FromthesmallscrapofconversationheardMissPettigrewdeducedimmediatelythatMissLaFossehaddonesomethingtotheyoungmanmeritinganger,forwhichshehadnoexcuse.Shehadadmittedthatherself.Thepunishmentthenwasonlyjust.Havingdealtwithchildrenallheradultlife,andwhat,afterall,wasMissLaFossebutagrown-upchild,MissPettigrewhadawholesomerespectforalittlerequisitepunishment.Shedecidedtoawaitevents.Plentyoftimetointerfereifitbecamereallynecessary.Firstshemustendeavourtograspwhatitwasallabout.

TheyoungmanceasedshakingMissLaFosse.“I’vebeenwaitingtodothatforthirtydays.Nowwhathaveyougottosay?”“Id…deservedit,”saidMissLaFossebreathlessly,butwithsurprising

meekness.Hegaveheragrimglance.“Sothat’sthestunt,isit?Youneedn’ttryandgetroundme.”“No…no!”saidMissLaFossehastily.Heloosenedhishold.“Becauseyoucan’tdoit…notthistime.”“I’mnottryingto,”saidMissLaFossehumbly.Hestoodback.“Ohyes,youare,butitwon’tworkanylonger.You’vemadeasapoutofme

forthelasttime.”“Oh,please,”saidMissLaFosseindistress,“don’tsaythat.Doanythingyou

like.Shakemeagain.”“Idon’twanttoshakeyouagain.”AsmileofreliefbrokethroughMissLaFosse’sagitation.“I’msoglad.Ididn’treallylikeit.”Hersmilebecamecoaxing.“Well,now

that’sover,aren’tyougoingtokissmenow?”

that’sover,aren’tyougoingtokissmenow?”“Ohno,mygirl.Idon’tshareanymore.”MissLaFosseraisedasudden,startledgazetohis.Heansweredherunspoken

questiongrimly.“Yes,I’mthrough.”“But…”beganMissLaFosse.“There’snomorebuts,nomoreevasions,nomoreexcuses.I’vefinished.

Youcanfoolmeonce,butnottwice.Idon’tstandthatfromanyman…orwoman.”

“Oh!”whisperedMissLaFosse.“I’monlylettingyouknow.I’madamnfooloveryou,andyouknowit,but

I’vegotlimits.You’vereachedthem.You’veplayedfastandloosewithmeforthelasttime.Youeithertoetheline…orIquit.”

Hislastwordsweregrim.MissPettigrewknewtheyweretrue.FeltthatMissLaFosseknewtheyweretrue.MissLaFossewentalittlewhite.MissPettigrewcameandsatdown.Herheartwashammeringwithexcitement.Shesettleddowntotheenjoymentofanewsituation,butkeepinghersensesalerttostepinanddoanyrescueworkshoulditbenecessaryandherpowerscapable.

“Well,”saidthevisitorgrimly,“I’mstillwaitingfortheexplanation.”MissLaFossecrumpledintoachair.“Oh!”wailedMissLaFosse,“Ifunkedit.”“Thankyou,”saidtheyoungman.“I’mgladtolearnyouropinionofme.”Heranhishandwithanangrygesturethroughhishair.Itwasverynice,thick

hair,smoothedbackinthemostcorrectmodernfashion.Notfair,notdark.Acomfortableinbetweenshade,whichleftamanaman,withoutcastinghimforablondherooraduskyvillain.Hewasnotexactlyyoung.Notinthetwenties.Perhapstheearlythirties,butallmen,underforty,wereyoungtoMissPettigrew.

“Oh,please,”imploredMissLaFosse.“Itwasn’tthat.ItwasjustatthelastminuteIfeltIcouldn’tgothrough.Oh!Ican’texplain.I’mterribly,terriblysorry.Idreadedwhenyoushouldcomeback.”

“Icanquiteunderstandthat,”hesaidcalmly.“Deliberatelytoraiseaman’shopes,‘tilhe’ssittingontopoftheworld,thensmash‘eminsmithereensforanewwhim,Isuppose!Itwasn’taparticularlycommendableaction.Ifyouhadn’tagreed…butyoudid.Thatmadeallthedifference.”

MissLaFossegavehimanotherpleadinglook.Suddenlyshebegantocryalittle.Thenew-comerfrowned,thenpouncedagain.HegatheredMissLaFosseinhisarmsandkissedher.Itactedmiraculously.MissLaFossegaveawatery

inhisarmsandkissedher.Itactedmiraculously.MissLaFossegaveawaterysmilethroughhertears.

“Inevermeanttohurtyou,”shegulped.“Ineverthoughtyou’dfeel…quitelikethat.”

“Stopmakingyoureyesredoryou’llblamemeforthatlater,”saidherkisserperemptorily.“Iknowyou’rejustdoingitforeffect.Unfortunatelytheeffectistellingonasusceptiblemale.I’llstopyelling,thoughI’mnotsorryIbawledyouout.I’ddoitagain,undersimilarcircumstances,onlytherewon’tbeanysimilarcircumstances.That,Ihope,isfirmlyinyourhead.”

Hisvoicewentalittlegrimagainonthelastwords.MissLaFosselookedathim.HelookedatMissLaFosse.Hebentandgaveheranotherkiss,thenputheronherfeet.Hefrownedatheramoment,thenturnedandgrinnedatMissPettigrew.

“How-d’you-do?Don’tmindourlittleskirmish.”“Notatall,”saidMissPettigrew.“Delysialikesanaudience.She’saccustomedtoit.Thetearswereforyour

benefittomakeyouthinkIwasabrute.”“Oh,please,”saidMissPettigrewinafluster,caughtbetweenloyaltytoMiss

LaFosseandsympathyforthisoddyoungman.“DoIlooklikeabrute?”“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“DoIlooklikeacannibal?”“No,”gaspedMissPettigrew.“DoIlooklikeawife-beater?”“Certainlynot,”deniedMissPettigrewindignantly.“There,”triumphedthenew-comer.“Whatmorecouldyouexpectinaman?

Notabrute,notacannibal,notawife-beater.Atestimonialfromyourownsex.Damnation,IthinkI’mtoogoodforyou.”

MissLaFossebegantogiggle.Shecouldn’thelpit.MissPettigrewsatupwithdelightedinterest.Thebigman’ssmilewasextraordinarilyengaging.

“Oh,please,”giggledMissLaFosse.“Dobehave.”“That’srudeness,”saidthevisitorindignantly,“that’singratitude.Thatcalls

forapick-me-up.Iwantadrink.GoodLord,woman,where’syoursenseofhospitality?Where’sthatadmirablegiftofatruehostess,anticipationofaguest’swants?”

“There’splentyintheback,”saidMissLaFosse.“I’llgetit,”offeredMissPettigrew.“You’lldonosuchthing.Icancarryabottle,can’tI?”Hebangedintoa

table.“MyGod,Delysia,whothedevilfurnishedthisroom,it’slikethe

table.“MyGod,Delysia,whothedevilfurnishedthisroom,it’sliketheseductionsceneinFromChorusGirltoDuchess”

“It’sverynice,”saidMissLaFosseheatedly.“Ichoseitmyself.”“Yourtasteisdeplorable.”Hechargedintothekitchen.Theyheardhimthumpingroundthekitchen,

clatteringchairsandtable,bangingcupboarddoors,rattlingglassesonatray.“Averynoisyyoungman,”saidMissPettigrewhappily.“You’vehitthenailonthehead,”agreedMissLaFosse.Suddenlyhowlsofragewereheardinthekitchen.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew.“Oh!”saidMissLaFosse.Hisiratefaceappearedinthedoorway.“GoodGod,woman!”heroared.“HowmanytimeshaveItotellyouthat

Whiskey,W-h-i-s-k-e-y,isaman’sdrink?There’srumthere,there’sportthere,there’ssherrythere,there’seventhatdamn-awfulginthere,butnotonedropofwhiskey.Where’syoursense?Where’syourconsiderationforyourvisitors?”

“Ohdear!”saidMissLaFosseweakly.“Won’tanyofitdo?”“Itwillnot.AtthemomentIwantadrink.AtthemomentIfeelIneeda

drink.AtthemomentImusthaveadrink.Thatporterseemedtohaveanintelligentface.Iwon’tbeaminute.”

Hestampedacrosstheroomandbangedthedoorbehindhim.“Ohdear,”quaveredMissPettigrew.“That,”saidMissLaFossegently,“wasMichael.”“Michael?”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Michael,”saidMissLaFosse.“Good…goodgracious!”saidMissPettigrewfeebly.Shegropedforachairandsatdown.Ittookherquiteaminutetogatherher

facultiestogetheragain:banishherpreconceivednotionsofMichael:readjusthermentalattitudetowardsthemanintheflesh.Thenhereyesbegantoshine,herfacebecamepink,herbodyquiveredwithdelight.Shesatstraight.ShefixedshiningeyesonMissLaFosse.

“Oh,mydear!”saidMissPettigrewjoyfully.“Icongratulateyou.”“Eh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Whatabout?”MissPettigrewwasnottobedamped.Shewasnowapartisan,andthereisno

strongerpartisananywherethanamiddle-agedspinsterwithromanticideals.“IfIweretwentyyearsyounger,”saidMissPettigrewwitharadiantface,

“andcould,I’dstealhimfromyou.”“Wouldyoureally?”askedMissLaFossewithinterest.

“Wouldyoureally?”askedMissLaFossewithinterest.“I’vebeenworried,”statedMissPettigrewhappily,“secretlyworried,my

dear,thoughIdidn’tshowit,butithasgone.I’mquiteserenenow.”“Ididn’tthinkyoulikedMichael,”saidMissLaFosse.“Yourprevioustone

certainlygavemethatimpression.”“Ihadn’tseenhimthen,”apologizedMissPettigrew.“Itjustgoestoprovehowwickeditistoindulgeinpreconceivedideas.”“Andyourecommend…Michael?”saidMissLaFosseinsurprise.“Foryou…absolutelyright,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.Allhertroubleshadfled.MissLaFosse’sfuturewasassured.Nolifewith

Michaelcouldpossiblybedull,obscure,frustrated.Afigforherridiculousfears.Hewastheperfectmate.MissLaFosse,marriedtoMichael,wouldcontinuetolivethegorgeous,colourfullifethatwasherdue.Whocouldimagineamediocreexistencewiththatyoungman?Allwaswell.Aloadhadbeenliftedfromherheart.

“Whitevelvetandaveilandorangeblossom,”saidMissPettigrewblissfully.“Oh,mydear.Iknowit’spresumptuousinsoshortanacquaintance,butifyouwillonlyletmeknowthedate,ifit’sthelastthingIdo,I’dliketogettothechurch.”

“Oh,Guinevere!”chuckledMissLaFosse.“You’regoingmuchtoofast.”Herfacesobered.Shefiddledwiththefasteningofhersleeve.“Itisn’tassimpleasallthat.”“Whynot?”demandedMissPettigrewboldly.“Hewantstomarryyou,

doesn’the?”“Hedid,”saidMissLaFossedubiously.“Did!”MissPettigrew’sheartsank.“Youtoldmehedid,”sheimplored.“Ihadn’tseenhimthen.”“What’sthatgottodowithit?”“Well.Yousawhowhewas.”“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew,“heseemedalittleannoyedoversomething.”“Ithinkhewasveryannoyed,”saidMissLaFosse.“If…ifIcouldbeofanyassistance,”saidMissPettigrewhopelessly.“It’sverycomplicated,”saidMissLaFosse.“Notagain,”saidMissPettigrew.“It’snotaveryappetizingstory.”“Icanbearit.”“Well,”sighedMissLaFosse,“I’dbettertryandexplainbeforeMichaelgets

back.Michaelwantedtomarryme.Hekeptpesteringme.TheninarashmomentIthoughtifImarriedMichael,I’dbesafefromNick.SoIsaidyes.He

momentIthoughtifImarriedMichael,I’dbesafefromNick.SoIsaidyes.Hegotaspeciallicenceandwearrangedtogetmarriedatonceataregistryoffice.ThenNickcamethatmorning…and…well…Ijustdidn’tturnup.Michaelwentonablindandwhenabobbywastryingtorunhiminforbeingdrunkanddisorderlyhesockedhimoneandgotthirtydays,nooption.Ithoughthemighthavecooledoffbeforehecameout,buthedoesn’tseemtohavecooledoff.”

“Ablind!”saidMissPettigrewfaintly.“Sockedhimone.”Hermindwasinawhirlofexcitement.BygivingtheclosestattentiontoMiss

LaFosse’sstory,shehadmanagedtoconstrueitcorrectly.ThroughheartbreakingdisappointmentMichaelhadgoneoutandgotdrunkandstruckapoliceman.Hewasagaolbird:adrunkard:amanwhohadcommittedthemostheinousofsinsundertheBritishConstitution.Hehadassaultedapolicemanintheperformanceofhisduty.Hewasbrandedforlifewithaprisonrecord.Heshouldatoncebeconsignedtothelowestdepthsofhercontempt.Butwashe?Hewasnot.HewentrocketingstillhigherinMissPettigrew’sesteem.Shethrilledattheverythoughtofhim.Hewasamanamongmen.Allhersympathiespouredouttohim.Whowouldnotexcusefollywhencommittedforlove?EvenMissLaFossemustbemovedbythispowerfulproofofthedepthofhisheartbreak.SheturnedwithquiveringexpectancytowardsMissLaFosse.“Hewasquiteright,”MissLaFossewassaying.“IwasonlypretendingIfunkedit.Itwasn’treallythat.Ifitweren’tforNickIthinkImightmarryMichael…thoughIdon’tknow,”saidMissLaFossedarkly.“Ittakesalotofthinkingabout.Whenyouthinkhow…”

“Oh,butnow!”brokeinMissPettigrewbreathlessly,“Imeannow…whenyou’veseenthembothonthesameday…whenyouseethere’snocomparison…surely…”

MissLaFossestoodup.Sheleanedherheadagainstthemantelpiece.“Youdon’tunderstand,”shesaidinamuffledvoice,“Istillfeelthesame

aboutNick.”MissPettigrewhadnowords.HowcouldanywomanpreferNickbefore

Michael,howeverfascinatingNickmightbe?Theonewasgold,theotherjustgilt.Butwhowasshetoadviseayoungladywiththreeloversallatonce,whenshehadneverhadevenoneinallherlife!Shemadeavalianteffort.

“Oh,butmydearMissLaFosse,”saidMissPettigrewagitatedly,“please,pleaseconsider.Michaelisaman.Nickisonlya…adisease.”

“It’snouse,”saidMissLaFossehopelessly.“Haven’tItoldmyselfallthatbefore?”

“DoesMichaelknowaboutNick?”askedMissPettigrewsadly.

“DoesMichaelknowaboutNick?”askedMissPettigrewsadly.“Heknowswe’refriendly,”saidMissLaFossecautiously,“but,well,not

quitesofriendlyasweare.”“Ishouldhopenot,”saidMissPettigrewseverely.“Whattheeyedoesn’tsee…”saidMissLaFossesententiously.“Quite,”agreedMissPettigrewwithabandon,withoutathoughtforherold

moralstandards.“Andnow,”saidMissLaFossegloomily,“IsupposeI’llhavetosaygood-

byetoMichael.”“Ohno!”saidMissPettigrew,almostintears.“Well,yousee,”explainedMissLaFossesimply,“I’veneverfooledmyself

aboutMichael,evenifhethinksIhave..Iknewallalongatimewouldcomewhenhesaid‘theend’.Iwouldhavetosayyesorno.It’scome.Youheardhim.Hemeansit.IknowMichael.Ohdear.Iknowit’sdoginthemangerish.ButIdidn’twanthimtogo.”

“Ohplease!”beggedMissPettigrew.“Couldn’tyousayyes.Onceit’soveryou’llneverregretit,I’msure.”

“Idon’tknow,”saidMissLaFosseagaindarkly;“there’sreasonswhy…”Michaelbangedonthedooragain.MissLaFosse’sreasonsremained

unexplained.Shehastilypowderedhernose.MissPettigrewopenedthedoor.“WhatdidItellyou?”askedMichael.“Thatmanhasintelligence.Alittle

tact.Alittlepersuasion.Asmallinducement,andimmediatelythenecessaryisproduced.”

Heplonkedawhiskeybottleonthetable.MissLaFosseproducedacorkscrew.MissPettigrewbroughtglasses.

“Saywhen,”saidMichael.“When,”saidMissLaFosse.“Soda?”“No,thanks.”“Stoutgirl.”MissPettigrewstoodbracedforadventure.“When?”askedMichael.“When”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Oh,come!”expostulatedMichael.“Quitpressing,”saidMissLaFosse.“Guinevere’srefined.She’snotlikeyou.

Shedoesn’tgoroundgettingdrunkandbashingcoppers.Putsomesodain.”“Ialwayswantedtotastewhiskey,”saidMissPettigrewhappily.“I’venever

hadit,ever,evenwhenI’vehadacold,asmedicine.”“Wherewereyoubroughtup?”commiseratedMichael.

“Wherewereyoubroughtup?”commiseratedMichael.“Sipitslowly,”beggedMissLaFosse.“Bottomsup,”saidMichael.MissPettigrewsipped.Shepulledaface.Sheslippedherglasssurreptitiously

onthetable.“Ugh!”thoughtMissPettigrew,disappointed.“Notwhatit’scrackedupto

be.Whymenwastemoneygettingdrunkonthat,whentheycangetareallycheappalatabledrinklikelemonsquash…!”

“Ifeelbetter,”saidMichael.Heputhisemptyglassonthetable,tactfullyignoringMissPettigrew’sfull

one.“Haveanother,”offeredMissLaFosse.“Havetwomore.”Michaelgaveheracalculatinglook.“Gettingmedrunk,mygoodwoman,willnotaltermysentimentstowards

you.Ialwayssoberupeventu-ally.”“Ididn’tthinkitwould,”sighedMissLaFosse,“butonecanalwaystry.”“Well.Quittrying.It’snogood,”saidMichaelcalmly.“NowIfeelaman

againwe’llgetbacktobusiness.What’stheanswer,yesorno?”MissLaFossewentalittlewhite.Shestoodlookingbackathim.He

continuedtogazeathercomposedlyandhereyesdroppednervously.Hedughishandinhispocket,foundacigarette-case,litacigaretteandstoodwaiting,blowinglongspiralsofsmokeintotheair.

“Tearsintheeyes,”saidMichael,“curlsdelightfullydisarranged,frockjustalittletoolow,mouthpatheticallyquivering,expressionchildishlyappealing,willhavenoeffect.”

MissPettigrewfeltherhearttighten.MissLaFossecaughtholdofthebackofachair.

“This,”saidMichaelgently,“isforthelasttimeofasking.”MissLaFosseflungahopelessglanceofappealatMissPettigrew.Miss

Pettigrewdrewadeep,quiveringbreath.“Don’tyouthink,”saidMissPettigrew,notplacat-ingly,notpleadingly,not

persuasively,butcraftily,inanimpartial,conversationalvoice:thevoiceofadetachedonlookermerelytakinganacademicinterest,“don’tyouthink,onsuchamomentousquestion,alittletimeshouldbeallowed?Allultimatumshaveatimelimit.Thefemalemind,unlikethemale,isnotgiventoquickdecisions.Aquickdecisionisoftenrescinded.Theypossessnoneofthatmalepridewhichmakesthemsticktotheirword.Timemustbeallowedthemtosettleonapoint.”

Michaeldrewinalungfulofsmokeandexpelleditwithasharpbreath.

Michaeldrewinalungfulofsmokeandexpelleditwithasharpbreath.“Ha!Perhapsyouareright.Asyousay,duewarningisalwayssupposedtobe

givenofanultimatum.IhaveperhapsledherfalselytoexpectIwouldalwaysdancetohertune.Infairness,noticemustbegivenofachange.Aweek.Aweekwillalwaysgivemetimetodisplayallmybestpointsandperhapsswayherintherightdirection.”

MissPettigrewletoutadeep,soundlessbreath.MissLaFosselostherexpressionofstrainandatoncelookedmorecheerful.

MichaelswungroundabruptlyandfixedasterneyeonMissPettigrew.“Youappeartobeasensiblewoman.Lookatme.”MissPettigrewlooked,withnodifficulty.“DoIlooksober?”demandedMichael.“DoIlooksteady?DoIlook

honest?”“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrewinafluster.“MustIanswer?”“Youmust.”“Ohdear…well.Notsober,”saidMissPettigrewearnestly.“Notsteady,

but…buthonest.”“What?”saidMichael,takenaback.Hegrinned.“Woman,there’ssomething

toyou.”HecameandsatbesideMissPettigrewonthechesterfield.MissPettigrew

thrilled.“Woulditharmhertomarryme?”demandedMichael.“Itwouldbetheverybestthingforher,”saidMissPettigrewwithdecision.Michaelbeamedcheerfully.“Discerningfemale,”heexulted.“YouandIarefriends.Didn’tIsayyouhad

sense?”“Youmentionedit,”saidMissPettigrew.“Haveyouanyinfluenceoverthatridiculousmistakeshecallsamind?”“Idon’tthinkso,”saidMissPettigrewunhappily.“Ithoughtnot.Shehasn’tgotthesensetoknowwhenaninfluenceisgood.”“Oh,butshe’ssonice,”beggedMissPettigrew.“She’sadamned,irritatingwench.”“Butverylovely,”pleadedMissPettigrew.“Yes,confoundher,butnotthesenseofamouse.”“Butdoessheneedit?”askedMissPettigrewearnestly.“Abitofgreymatterwoulddohernoharm.”“ButIthoughtmendidn’tlikebrainsinwomen.”“Ido.That’swhyI’mdifferent,soGodknowswhyIpickedonher.”“Shehassense,”saidMissPettigrewspiritedly.

“Shehassense,”saidMissPettigrewspiritedly.“Thenwhydoesn’tsheuseit?”“Idon’tknow,”sighedMissPettigrew.“Becauseshehasn’tgotany.”“I’mintheroom,youknow,”saidMissLaFosseinherlovely,chuckling

voice.“Bequiet,”saidMichael.“Thistalkisserious.Wedon’twantfolly

intervening.”“Ibegyourpardon,”saidMissLaFossemeekly.“Granted.”MichaelturnedbacktoMissPettigrew.“YouandIunderstandthings.”“Ihopeso,”saidMissPettigrewweakly.“I’vehadalotofwomeninmylife.”“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“I’veenjoyedthem.”“Oh!”alittleweaker.“They’veenjoyedme.”“Icanimagineit,”fainterstill.“ButI’veneverwantedtomarrythem.”“No.”“ButDelysia.She’sdifferent.”“Obviously.”“Marriageisaseriousbusiness.”“Assuredly.”“NowDelysia’salittledevilandthere’stimesIcouldflayheralive,and

obviouslysheneedsalittlephysicalcorrection,butI’mtheonlyrightmantodoit.ButIfeel,whichIneverdidwiththeothers,thatifDelysiareallysaidyesandmarriedaman,she’dplaystraightwithhim.Ineverfeltitwiththeothers.”

“It’sthemoralityofmymiddle-classupbringing,”putinMissLaFosseagain,veryeagertojointhisinterestingconversationaboutherself.“Whenitcomestomarriage,agirlcansomehownevergetawayfromherearlierinfluences.”

“You’renotinonthis,”saidMichaelcrushingly.“Oh!”saidMissLaFossemeeklyagain.“I’msorry.”“Thenactasthoughyouwere.”Heturnedbacktotheconfused,shocked,thrilledMissPettigrew.“You’reaclosefriendofDelysia’s?”“Yes,”liedMissPettigrewwickedly.

“Yes,”liedMissPettigrewwickedly.“Well,tellhernottobeadamnedfoolandthatI’mthemanforherandnot

thatblack-haired,oily,knife-throwingdago.Don’tthinkI’mblind.”“He’snotadago,”saidMissLaFossefuriously.“Ifthecapdoesn’tfit,”saidMichaelblandly,“howdoyouknowwhoI’m

talkingabout?”“You…you…”criedMissLaFossehotlyandinadequately.“Hisgreat-great-grandfatherwasanItalianandbloodwillout.Youcan’tfool

me.”Michaeljumpedtohisfeetandglaredferociouslyround.“Hasthatblankety-blankCaldarellibeenheretoday?Icansmellhimamile

away.”“OnlywhenIwashere,”saidMissPettigrewhastily,connectingCaldarelli

andNickatonce.“Ha!Thenyou’veseenhim?”“Yes.”“Abounder.”“Iagree.”“NotGod’sgifttowomen.”“Decidedlynot,”traitorouslyagreedMissPettigrew,sailingherfluttersatthe

remembranceofNick’sdark,passionateglances.“Notfittobeinthepresenceofalady.”“I’mnotalady,”brokeinMissLaFossehotly.“No,”agreedMichael,“you’renot.Savemefromladies.Iusedthewrong

word.Iapologize.”“Iacceptit,”saidMissLaFossewithdignity.“Notfittobeinthepresenceofawhitewoman,”amendedMichael

insultingly.“Saferaway,”agreedMissPettigrew.“Whatdoesheremindyouof?”“Ice-cream,”saidMissPettigrew.“What?”saidMichael.Hisfacelitwithjoy.“Woman,”hecriedindelight,“youracumenismarvellous.Icouldonlythink

ofhimsingingmushysongstomushyseñoritasinmushyfilms.”“Buthowlovelyhewoulddoit!”thoughtMissPettigrewwistfully.“Ice-cream,”crowedMichael.“Marvellous.Caldarelli’sice-cream.Aperfect

association.”HeswungroundtowardsMissLaFosse.“Ha!”saidMichaeltriumphantly.“Caldarelli’sice-cream.Shepreferstheson

“Ha!”saidMichaeltriumphantly.“Caldarelli’sice-cream.Sheprefersthesonofanice-creamvendortome.”

“Howdareyou?”criedMissLaFosseindignantly.“YouknowNick’sfatherneversoldice-creaminhislife.Andyourfathersoldfish.”

“Fish!”Michaeljumpedtohisfeet.Heexplodedintooratory.Hestrodeupanddown

theroom.MissPettigrewcastnervouseyesonchairsandornaments.“Youcomparefish…withice-cream,”criedMichael.“Fishhasphosphorus.

Fishfeedsthebrain.Fishisnutritious.Fishisbody-building.Fishhasvitamins.Fishhascod-liveroil.Fishmakesbonnybabiesbiggerandbetter.Mengivetheirlivesforfish.Womenweep.Theharbourbarmoans.Youcomparefish…withice-cream.Andlookmeintheface.”

“Ohdear!”chokedMissLaFosse.“Michael.Dobehave.”Hestoppedandgrinned.“Becalm.Ican’tthinkofanythingelse.Idon’tthinkcastoroilcomesfrom

fishortheallusionsmightbecomemorelurid.”MissPettigrewblushedandlookedawayhastily.MissLaFosse’sgazefellon

theclock.Michaeltooktheglanceasahint.“Fixedfortonight,Isuppose?”“I’msingingattheScarletPeacock.”“I’llcome.”“Ididn’taskyou.”“I’llmeetyouthere.Ihaveadatewithanotherfemale—purebravado—but

I’llgoandcancelit.Notveryscrupulousconductandnotusualbehaviour,butcriticalemergenciesneeddrasticmeasures.IfI’veonlyaweektomakeanimpressionI’dbetterstartatonce.”

Hegatheredhat,gloves,scarfinastormofactivity.HecameacrossandkissedMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewwatchedwithvicariouspleasure.Hisfacewentserious.

“Nofooling,”hesaidquietly.MissLaFossecaughtherbreath.“Iknow.”HecameoverandgaveMissPettigrewaresoundingkiss.MissPettigrew

didn’tseehimgoout.Shesatbackdazedandbreathlesswithbliss.Thedoorbangedbehindhim.

CHAPTERELEVEN

8.28PM—12.16AM

heroomwasquietforaminute.MissLaFossestoodsoberlybythefire.Thenshegaveherselfalittleshake.MissPettigrewcameoutofdeepwaters.

“Well,”saidMissLaFosse,whosevolatilenatureneverremaineddepressedforlong,“Idon’tknowaboutyou,butanykindofexcitementalwaysstimulatesmyappetite.Whataboutaspotofdinnerafterall?It’spastmyusualhour,butwe’vestillgotheapsoftime.I’llordersomethingtobesentup.Weneedn’thaveeverycourse.”

Shereachedforthetelephone.ShewouldlistentonorefusalfromMissPettigrew,whoprotestedgenteellyshecouldnottouchabite.MissPettigrew’sconsciencewasworryingatthecost.Shehadacceptedsomuchalreadyfromhernewfriend.

“Nonsense,”declaredMissLaFosse.“You’llsoonfindyourappetitewhenthefood’sinfrontofyou.”

Shewasquiteright.WhendinnerarrivedMissPettigrewfoundherappetitehadmiraculouslyreturned.Noone,broughtuponthedeadlymonotonyofinsipidstews,tastelessmince,toughroastbeef,whichhadbeenMissPettigrew’slifelongdiet,couldremainindifferenttothekindoffoodinwhichMissLaFosseindulged.

Butthoughthedinnerwasdeliciousenoughtoexcuseanyoneforgettinganythingbuteating,MissPettigrewwasnottobedivertedfromhermainpurpose.SomehoworotherMissLaFossemustbepersuadedtogiveupNickandmarryMichael.Throughsoup,fish,roastandsweetthebattlewenton,MissPettigrewontheoffensive,MissLaFosseontheretreat.MissLaFossewouldresorttostratagem.Whenshefoundherselftoohard-pressedbyMissPettigrew’ssternlogicshewoulddeftlyswitchtheconversation.WithgreatcunningshewouldbegintellingMissPettigrewsomehighlycolouredanecdoteofhervariedcareer,andMissPettigrewwouldgrowsoenthralledathearingthisinsidedopeon‘Howtheotherhalflives’shewouldbemomentarilysidetrackedfromhermainattack.Butnotforlong.TheminutethestorywasoverMiss

fromhermainattack.Butnotforlong.TheminutethestorywasoverMissPettigrew’sgunswereatoncetrainedontheiroriginalobjectiveagain.

TimefledunnoticedandjustwhenMissPettigrewwasthinkingtriumphantlythatatlastMissLaFosse’sresistancewaswearingthin,MissLaFossenoticedthetimeandjumpedtoherfeetwithacry.

“Ohdear!Lookatthetime.I’llhavetofly.I’malltochange.It’safterelevenandIpromisedtobethereattwelve.”

Shemadeforthebedroominanaccessofenergy,butMissPettigrewwasnotgoingtoletherescapewhiletheywerestillalonetogethertocarryontheargument.

“MayIwatch?”askedMissPettigrewwithsterndetermination.MissLaFossegaveuptryingtoescape.“Sure,”sheagreedresignedly.“I’mapublicfigure.”MissPettigrewensconcedherselfhappilyinachairbesideMissLaFosse’s

dressing-table.MissLaFosse’srushdieddown.Theritesofdressingdemandedaslowtempoandshewasnotonetobeundulyworriedaboutpunctuality.

Shetookoffherfrock.Shewentintothebathroomandcameoutagain.Shechoseaneveningfrock.ShesmiledcheerfullyatMissPettigrew.Shehadquiterecoveredherformergoodspirits.Shesatdowninfrontofhermirror.

“Idooftenthink,”shesaidcheerfully,“thatthenicestpartisthegettingready.”

MissPettigrewforoncewasnottobeputoffbyenticingdigressions.“CannothingIsaypersuadeyou?”imploredMissPettigrew.“Oh,Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse,“youmakemefeellikeanungrateful

pig.”“Idon’tcare,”saidMissPettigrewsternlyandcourageously,“Imustspeak

mymind.YouknowinyourheartofheartsNickwillnotremainfaithfultoyou.Somedayyouareboundtogetolder.Hewillnotlookatyouthen.Whenheisfifty,hewillstillogletheyounggirls.”

MissLaFossesighed.“Ohdear!Youdomakeitsodepressing.”“Whynottaketheplunge,”beggedMissPettigrew,“andriskmarrying

Michael?Youknow,”addedMissPettigrewcraftily,madlyflingingtothewindslasttracesofhonourandvirtue,“ifitdidn’tworkyoucouldalwaysgobacktoNick.It’snotasthoughyouwantedtomarryNick.”

“Oh,Guinevere!”saidMissLaFossewithagrin.“Iknow.”MissPettigrewflushedguiltily.“Youartfulsinner,”accusedMissLaFosse.“YouknowperfectlywellI

wouldn’tdare.He’dbeathelloutofme.”

wouldn’tdare.He’dbeathelloutofme.”“Mydear!”expostulatedMissPettigrew.“Aren’tyou…aren’tyoualittle

extravagant?”“Iwouldn’tliketobetonit,”saidMissLaFosse.“Butthere’ssomuchinitsfavour,”pleadedMissPettigrew.“Tryandput

Nickentirelyoutofyourmind.ThenwouldyoumarryMichael?”“Ah!”saidMissLaFossedarkly.“I’mnotsosureaboutthat.”“Butwhy?”askedMissPettigrew.“He’sgood-looking.He’sgotplentyof

money—atleastheseemstohave.Helovesyou.What’swrong?”“He’snotrespectable,”saidMissLaFosseearnestly.“Nothingcouldmake

Michaelrespectable.Awoman’sgottosowherwildoats,butwhenitcomestomarrying!It’saseriousbusiness.She’sgottobecareful.There’s…there’sthefuturegenerationtothinkof.”

“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew,utterlyflabbergasted,windknockedoutofhersails.

“Thereyouare,”saidMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewrefusedtobedowned.Sherose.Sheclaspedherhands.Her

facebecameearnest,imploring.“Iamimpertinent,”saidMissPettigrew.“Iamforward.Iamrude.Youwill

turnmeout.ButImustspeak.Ilikeyoutoomuch.Ican’tseeyouunhappyinthefuture.Thislifeyoulead.Wherewillitend?Please,pleasemarryMichael.”

“Dear,dear,”smiledMissLaFosse.“Youmeantoputmeonthepathofvirtue.”

“IfIonlycould.”“Isitsomuchthebest?”“Indeed,indeeditis,”beganMissPettigrew.Thenstopped.Shewasnotfifty

yet,butsomedayshewouldbe,withnohome,nofriends,nohusband,nochildren.Shehadlivedalifeofspartanchastityandhonour.Shewouldstillhavenohomeormemories.MissLaFossewouldreachfiftysomeday.Supposeshereacheditequallywithouthomeandfriends.Whatthen?Howfullwouldhermemoriesbe?

“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“Idon’tknowwhetheritisthebest.”“Oh,mydear,”saidMissLaFossegently.MissPettigrewraisedherhead.Shespokebreathlesslyinarush.“Ihavenever,”saidMissPettigrew,“beenlovedinmylife.Iwanttoknow.

I’vealwayswantedtoknow.Therearehundredslikemewanttoknow.IsItWorthIt?”

“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse,“tome.”

“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse,“tome.”MissPettigrewsatdown.“Iamolderthanyou,”saidMissPettigrew;“Iamastupidwoman.Ihaven’t

yourbrains,noryourbeauty,noryourcleverness.Idon’tadvisemarriagefromvirtueorcustom,butfromexperience.Ihavenofriends,nomoney,nofamily.Ionlywishtosaveyoufromthat.”

“Oh,mydear,”saidMissLaFosseagain.“Aslongasheiskind,thatisallthatmatters.Ihaveknown,”saidMiss

Pettigrew,“inmylifealotofgoodpeople,butfewwereeverkind.”“Oh,Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse.“Nowthefirstone,hewaskindtoo,”saidMissPettigrewearnestly,“but,

well,mydear.Iwouldn’tadvisemarryinghim.Idon’tliketojumptoconclusionsbutIthinktherewasalittleJewinhim.Hewasn’tquiteEnglish.And,well,Idothinkwhenitcomestomarriageit’ssafertosticktoyourownnationality.”

“Certainly,”agreedMissLaFossedemurely.“AndNick—well,Nickwillnotmakeyouhappyinthelongrun.Ithinkyouknowthatyourself.ButMichael,well,Michael!”saidMissPettigrew,herfaceshining,“Iwon’tsaymuchmore,becauseI’vebeenveryforwardasitis,butI’venevermetayoungmanIlikedbetter.Andhe’sallEnglish.”

“Infact,”saidMissLaFosse,“whatyoumeanisMichael’smadeaconquest.”“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew.“Youdarling!”saidMissLaFosse.Shecouldrestrainherselfnolonger.She

leanedforwardandhuggedMissPettigrewandgaveherakiss.“I’llthinkaboutit,Ipromise.”MissPettigrewfeltquiteweakaftersomuchexpenditureofforce.“Ohdear!Idohopeyoudon’tmindmebeingsofrank.Ijusthadtospeak.”“Mind!”saidMissLaFosse.“Me?Didn’tItellyouIhadnomother.Noone’s

evercaredtolecturemebefore.It’sbeenlovely.Iwouldn’thavemisseditforworlds.”

Sheturnedbacktothedressing-table.MissPettigrewwatchedoperationswithintenseinterest.Sheshookherhead.

“Mydear,”saidMissPettigrew,“doyouthinkthatsomuchmake–up;is,well,lady-like?”

“Iactedaladyonce,”saidMissLaFosse.“Whenitcomestomarrying,havingalordasahubbycanhelpnoendintheprofession.You’venoidea.Hewasalord.Orabouttobeonewhentheoldmandied.Ialwaysgetabitmuddledwithtitles.SoIputontherefinedact.Iheardhedidn’tlikelipstick—helikedkissing.Youseetheconnexion.Hewasabitcarelessabouttracesandtheold

kissing.Youseetheconnexion.Hewasabitcarelessabouttracesandtheoldlordhadverygoodeyesightandamoralnature.”

MissPettigrew,steppingontheacceleratorofherworldlywisdom,thoughtshesawtheconnexion.

“Well,Iactedthelady,”saidMissLaFosse.“Nolipstick,nolegsshowing.Youknow.Aloofandkeepyourdistance.Noneofthecome-hitheraboutme.Isawhimnextweekwithabitchofawoman,alllipstick,legsandlust.”

“Mydear,”brokeinMissPettigrew.“Imean,well,youknow,thereareotherwords.”

“Thanlust?Well,teachmeaworse.I’mwillingtouseit.”“No,no,”saidMissPettigrew,blushing;“the—er—femaledog.”“Butshewasn’tafemaledog.Shewasamongrelbitch.”MissPettigrewthoughtdiscretionthebetterpartofvalour.Shewasstill

bewildered.ShethoughtMissLaFosse’sexplanationveryun-explanatoryandabitinvolvedandnotatallclear,butattherateshewasprogressingalongtheroadofdissipationshewasmuchmoreinterestedinthelordwhodidn’tlikelipstick.

“Whathappenedtothelord?”“Hemarriedthelipstickandlegs,”saidMissLaFossesimply,“whentheold

mandied.Ilearnedmylesson.”Sheappliedherlipstickthoughtfully.MissPettigrewnoddedprofoundly.“Isee,”saidMissPettigrew,“thereareverymanypointstolearnincollecting

ahusband.Myignoranceisabysmal.”“You’lllearn,”saidMissLaFosse.“Iamwillingtobecoached,”saidMissPettigrewwithcomplete

abandonment,“butmydaysofconquestarepast.”“Neversaydie,”saidMissLaFosse.Sheappliedalastdabofpowder.“There.That’sthat.Nowcomealong,Guinevere.Yourturnnow.Removethe

oldtraces.”MissPettigrewhurriedintothebathroom.Shecameback,skinshininglikea

schoolgirl.MissLaFossegatheredtogetherthematerialsforremovingtheshine.MissPettigrewtookherplaceinfrontofthemirror.

Alreadytherewasamildlookofdisarrayaboutherperson.MissDubarry’sneatwaveswerealloutofplace.Hergownwasalittlecrumpled.MissPettigrewhadscrubbedherfacelikeaminerfromthepit.Thatsubtleairof‘chic’hadvanished.Theblackvelvetgownhadlostitssophisticatedair.Itseemedtohavesetindefinitecrumples.

setindefinitecrumples.“Tut,tut,Guinevere,”remonstratedMissLaFosse.“Youarefallingto

pieces.”ShesettoworkrapidlytoreconstructMissPettigrewN°1backagaininto

MissPettigrewN°2.“It’snouse,”saidMissPettigrewresignedly.“I’llcomeapartagain.DowdyI

alwayshavebeenanddowdyIalwayswillbe.”“Nonsense,”disagreedMissLaFossesternly.“That’smerelyaninferiority

complex.Ifyoucanlookgoodonce,youcanlookgoodalways.Merelyalittlepractice.”

“I’llneverhaveenough.”“Don’tbepessimistic.”“Youcan’tturnasow’searintoasilkpurse.”“Youcanturnragsintopaper.”“Onegirl’ssmart,onegirlisn’t,”saidMissPettigrew,warmingtothe

argument.“Bothhavethesamefigure.Youdon’tknowwhy.I’mjusttheisn’tone.”

“Purenonsense,”saidMissLaFosse.“Tummyin,shouldersback.That’sthesecret.Ifyouwillwalkwithaslouchyourclothinggetsaslouch.”

ShecompletedoperationsonMissPettigrew’sface.ShefirmlyandsecurelyfastenedMissDubarry’swavesbackintoplace.ShepinnedtheredroseonMissPettigrew’sshoulder.MissPettigrewsmiledradiantlyatherreflection.

“ForthefirsttimeinmylifeIamenjoyingbeingwithmyself.”Shedonnedherborrowedfurcoat.MissLaFosseappearedinamagnificent

blackeveningwrapwithawhitefoxcollar.Shehastilycollectedgloves,handkerchief,eveningbag.

“Mygoodness,Idaren’tthinkhowlateweare!”Shesuddenlydevelopedanothercrazeforspeed.Shefledforthedoor.Miss

Pettigrewtrottedafter.Ifthesmallvoiceofconsciencedidpipeup,MissPettigrewturnedawickedlydeafear.Notthekingandallhishorsesandmenshoulddepriveherofherenjoymentnow.Shehadanexcuse.Eventshadhappenedsorapidlyalldayshecouldclaimshewasnotquiteherself.Shewasinastateofmentalexaltationandthatcoversamultitudeofaberrations.

ShegambolledafterMissLaFosse,naturalcolourdeepeningtheartificial,eyesshining,breathexcited.Shewasboundforadventure,theSpanishMainanightclub.Theverynamefilledherwithaglorioussenseofexhilaration.Whatwouldherdeardeadmothersayiflifecamebacktoherbody?Towhatdepthsofdepravitywasherdaughtersinking?WhatdidMissPettigrewcare?Nothing.Freely,frankly,joyously,sheacknowledgedthefact.Shewasoutforawild

Freely,frankly,joyously,sheacknowledgedthefact.Shewasoutforawildnight.Shewasouttopaintthetownred.ShewasouttotasteanotherofTony’scocktails.Shewasagentlewomanrankeroutonthespree,and,ohshadesofamonotonouspast,wouldshespree!Shewasouttoenjoyherselfasshehadneverenjoyedherselfbefore,andallthesermonsintheworldwouldn’tchangehercourse.Shewassetfordeepwaters,themultitudinousseastoincarnadine.

ShetrottedbeamingdownthepassageafterMissLaFosse.TooimpatientfortheliftMissLaFosseskimmeddownstairs,MissPettigrewnotafootbehind.Ataxisquealedtoahaltattheporter’swhistle.MissLaFosseturnedtowardsthedriver,butMissPettigrewmovedheraside.Radiantly,haughtily.

“TheScarletPeacock,”saidMissPettigrew,“andmakeitsnappy.”Theygotin.Theywentroaringthroughthelightedstreets.MissPettigrewsatupstraight

andstaredwithglitteringeyesoutofthewindows.NolongerwerethedampNovemberstreetsdreary.Fairysignsgutteredonbuildings.Magichornshootedinsistently.Palacelightsshedabrilliantglowonthepavements.Avalonhummed,throbbed,pulsed,quiveredwithlife.Bowler-hattedknightsandlusciousladieshastenedwithhappyfacesfordelightfuldestinations.MissPettigrewhastenedwiththem,thoughmuchmorearistocraticallythanonherowntwolegs.Nowshe,herself,hadadestination.Whatadifferencethatmade!Allthedifferenceintheworld.Nowshelived.Shewasinsideofthings.Nowshetookpart.ShebreathedAmbrosialvapour.

MissLaFosse,seatedbesideher,slim,graceful,poised,groomeddowntothelastwickedlittlecurl,washerfriend.She,MissPettigrew,spinster,maidenlady,dullnonentity,jobless,incompetent,wasboundforanightclub,cladinsplendour:paintedlikethebestofthem,shamelessastheworstofthem,upliftedwithecstasy.

“Oh!”thoughtMissPettigrewblissfully,“IthinkI’dliketodietonightbeforeIwakenup.”

Theyarrived.

CHAPTERTWELVE

12.16AM—1.15AM

tallbuilding,discreet,dignified,metMissPettigrew’sgaze.Shestared.Herheartfell.SheturnedreproachfuleyesonMissLaFosse.WasMissLaFosselettingherdown?WasthisaNightClub?Amodestlightglowed

aboveadoubledoor.ACommissionairebowedpolitely.“Awretchedevening,MissLaFosse.”“Itisindeed,Henry.”MissLaFossemountedthesteps.MissPettigrewfollowedmuchmoreslowly.

Thedoorsopenedandclosedbehindher.MissPettigrewgasped.Avisionofsplendourburstuponhergaze.Theywereinalargefoyer.Shehadasenseoflightandcolour,musicandscent.Atthefarendabroadstaircasemountedtoregionsabove.Womenwalkedbyingorgeouseveninggowns.Menattendedthemintheirsuaveblack-and-whiteuniforms.Allwasgiltandglitter,voicesandlaughter.MissPettigrewrevivedagain.Hereyesbegantoshine.Thiswaslikeanightclub.Thiswasasthingsshouldbe.Thiswasasthescreenportrayedthem.Adooropenedontheirleftandasurgeofmusicthrobbedfromthehiddenroom.Hernosebegantotwitchlikeahoundafterascent.

“Thisway,”saidMissLaFosse.“Leadon,”saidMissPettigrew.MissLaFossemountedthestairway.MissPettigrewfollowed.Thepassages

upstairswereequallysplendid.Nomereshowdownstairshidinginferiorityabove.MissPettigrewnoddedwithapproval.Thiswasthething.

Theypassedvariousdiscreetlycloseddoors.Theywentintotheladies’cloakroom.Richcarpets,shadedlights,glitteringmirrors,attendantshoveringtoassistthem.Theytookofftheirwraps,powderedtheirnoses,shooktheirfrocksintoplace,andwentdownstairsagain.Anattendanthastenedtoopenthedoorofdoors.Theypassedthrough.MissPettigrewfalteredandstopped.Anopenspace,withashiningfloor,surroundedbytables,methergaze.Atthedistantendthebandwassilent.Alloccupantsofthetableswerefreetostare.AsMissPettigrewgazedpanic-stricken,theroomgrewbiggerandbigger.Shemustwalkacrossthatimmensefloorthecynosureofalleyes.Hercourageoozedoutofher

acrossthatimmensefloorthecynosureofalleyes.Hercourageoozedoutofhertoes.

“Nowremember,”whisperedMissLaFosseurgently,“tummyin,shouldersback.Youwillnoticetherearemirrors.Iwillseatyoustrategicallyandanoccasionalpeepwillgiveyoupep.Youlookswell.”

Shemoved.MissPettigrewtookadeepbreathanddivedafter.MissLaFossesmiledatsomeoneatnearlyeverytable.Atnearlyeverytablesomeonegreetedher.Theycrossedtheentireroom,andatthefarend,neartheband,MissLaFossestopped.

MissPettigrew’skneesweretrembling:herheartpounding.Afurtherordealawaitedher.Thetablewassurroundedbypeople.Dozensanddozensofvagueblobsoffaces.Shemanagedtoproducethesicklysmileofastrangerbuttingintoagroupoffriends.Whatmadimpulsehadbroughtherherewhereshedidn’tbelong?

Herterrorsweregroundless,herfearswithoutcause.Shefocusedhereyesatlast.TherewasMissDubarrybeaming.TherewasTonygrinning.TherewasMichaelleapingtohisfeet.Certainlytherewereotherpeoplepresent.Butwhatdidtheymatter?Shewasamongfriends.MissLaFosse.MissDubarry.Tony.Michael.Therecouldbeathousandotherpeoplepresent.MissPettigrew’ssmilespreadintoarealoneofbreathlessjoy.

“Wherethedevilhaveyoubeen?”demandedMichael.“You’relate,”accusedMissDubarry.“We’dgivenyouup,”saidTony.“Waiter,”calledMichael.“Morechairs.”Theywereseatedatlast.MissLaFossedidalittleunobtrusivemanoeuvring.

MissPettigrewfoundherselfinclearproximitytoamirror.Shehadaquickpeepforreassurance,butshewasbeginningtolosetheneedforit.Shewasengulfedinfriendliness.ShehadTonyononesideofherandMichaelontheother.MissDubarryhadflungahastywhisperinherear.

“I’msohappy.It’sallduetoyou.Don’tforgetyourpromisetovisitmybeautyparlour.”

MissPettigrewdidn’tyetknowwhatallthesepassionatethankswerefor,buttheirspiritmovedhertojoy.Herfacebegantoshineagain.

FindingherselfsoclosetoTony,however,shebegantofeelovercomewithembarrassment.Shemadedesperateattemptstorememberwhatshehadsaidtohimduringtheafternoon,butshecouldn’t.Sheonlyhadadefiniteimpressionthatshehadbeenveryrude:notatalllikeherself.Shebegantogrowhotatthethought.Undercoverofthegeneralbarrageofremarks,sheturnedtohiminshydesperationandtouchedhissleeve.Tonygaveheracomradelysmile.

desperationandtouchedhissleeve.Tonygaveheracomradelysmile.“Oh,please!”stammeredMissPettigrewinalowvoice.“Thisafternoon.I’m

afraidIwasveryrude.Ican’tremember.ButI’msureIwasrude.Ihaveafeeling.Idon’tknowwhattosay.I…I’mverymuchafraidMissLaFossewasrightafterall.Itmusthavebeenthedrinkyougaveme.I’mnotaccustomedtoit.Itmusthavegonetomyhead.I’mdeeplyashamed.WhatcanIsay?Please,pleaseforgiveme.Ididn’tmeantoberude.”

“Rude?”saidTony.“Tome?”“Yes.”“When?”“Thisafternoon.”“Idon’tremember.”“WhenIwastalkingtoyou.”“Wehadamostremarkabletalk.”“ButIwasn’tpolite.”“Idon’tmeetanypolitewomen,Iwouldn’tknowifyouwere,soIwouldn’t

knowifyouweren’t.”“Oh,please,”saidMissPettigrewinagitation,“I’mserious.”“SoamI.”“Butyou’renot.”“Notwhat?”“Notserious.”“OfcourseI’mnot.”“Butyousaidyouwere.”“I’msureIsaidnosuchthing.DoIlookthekindofablokewhonever

laughs?”“Ineversaidyouneverlaughed.”“Youimpliedit.Never,”saidTonybitterly,“didIthinkIlookedlikeHenry.”“Henry!”criedMissPettigrewhelplessly.“Who’sHenry?What’sHenrygot

todowithit.”“YousaidIneverlaughed.”“Isaidyouweren’tserious.”“WhyshouldIbe?IhavenoWhiteShip.”“Oh,please,”criedpoorMissPettigrew.“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalking

about.”“Andyou,”saidTonyinavoiceofbitterdisillusionment,“areaneducated

woman.”“What’sthatgottodowithit?”

“What’sthatgottodowithit?”“DidyouneverhearofKingHenrytheFirst?”“OfcourseI’veheardaboutHenryI,”saidMissPettigrewhotly.“Thenwhypretendyoudidn’tandleadtheconversationastray?”“Ipretendednosuchthing.It’syouwhowon’ttalksense.”“Senseaboutwhat?”“Aboutthisafternoon.”“Butweweren’ttalkingaboutthisafternoon.”“Yeswewere.”“Nowwait,”saidTony.“Let’sbeverycoolagain.Let’sbecollected.Let’s

gatherourthoughtswithcare.Whatwerewetalkingabout?”“Aboutmybeingrude.”“Thenwhy,”saidTonysimply,“bringinHistory?”“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.Shestaredathimhelplessly.Tonygazedstraightinfrontofhim.Miss

Pettigrewstruggledbetweenbewildermentandindignation.Suddenlylightdawned.Shegiggled.

“Youngman,”saidMissPettigrew,“Ithinkyou’reteasingme.”Tony’seyesslidround.Theyheldatwinkle.“Titfortat,”saidTonyslyly.“Idon’tknowwhatyoumean,”saidMissPettigrew,“butIexpectithas

somethingtodowiththisafternoon.IsupposeI’llhavetoapologizeforitaswell.”

“An!”saidTony.“Nowyou’reatitagain.What’sallthisapologizingabout?”“Myrudenessthisafternoon.”“Whatrudeness?”“Notagain,”beggedMissPettigrew,“please,notagain.”“Allright,”agreedTony,“butyou’dbetterphraseitdifferently.”“Myconversationthisafternoon.”“Ienjoyedit,”saidTony.“Iwasoutofmydepth,butIenjoyedit.Ilike

originalityinwomen.Onemeetsitsoseldom.Noapologiesarenecessary.”“Areyousure?”pleadedMissPettigrew.“You’renotjustbeingpolite?”“WouldI,”askedTony,“beconversingwithyounowwithsuchamiability

andjoyifyou,asacompletestranger,hadgrosslyinsultedmeintheafternoon?DoIlookthetypetoforgetinsults?Iwarnyounow,ananswerintheaffirmativewilldefinitelybecountedasthefirstinsult.”

“That’sright,”agreedMissPettigrewmorehappily.“It’ssuchaloadoffmymind.”

“Friends?”saidTony.

“Friends?”saidTony.“Friends,”saidMissPettigrew,completelyhappy.“Thereisnownoneed,”pleadedTony,“tokeeptheconversationonsucha

highintellectualplane.”“Noneatall,”chuckledMissPettigrew.“ThankGod!”sighedTony.“Myhistoricalanecdotesarestrictlylimitedto

HenryIneversmiling,WilliamtheFirstlandingin1066andtheCrownbeinglostintheWash.Connectedinsomemannerbyjokeonceheard.”

“Well,”cameMissLaFosse’scheerfulvoice,“ifyoutwocanstopflirtingforaminute,Guineveremightliketomeettherest.Apologiesforputtingthedangerouswomanbesideyourman,Edythe.”

“Ohdear!”MissPettigrewturnedinaflusterandblushedforherrudeness,soontoforget

hermomentaryupsetinalivelyinterestintheotheroccupantsofthetable.Therewasastockyyoungman,withabullethead,fair,shorthair,brilliant,lightblue,waryeyesandanexpressionlessface.Helookedlikeanexplorer.Besidehim,veryclosebesidehim,wasagorgeouswoman.Shehadmassesofdeepauburnhairandgreatvioleteyes.Shewasnotplump,yetshegavetheimpressionofsoft,roundedcurvesandcomfortablehollows.ShehadanairofMonaLisa,theLadyofShalott.Allhermovementswereslowwithalazy,languidindolence.Shewasdressedinbrilliantpurple.Agreat,glowingemeraldshoneonherfinger.Besidetheotherwomen,soslim,modernandEnglish,sheseemedlikesomeluxuriousblossomfromanotherclime.MissPettigrewthoughtromanticallytheyoungmanmusthavebroughtherbackfromsomerich,tropicalland.

“Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse,“meetJulian.Ifyouwanttomakeyourrivaltearherhairwithenvy,gotoJulian.He’lldressyou.Buthemakesyoupay.HehastostayfriendlywithmebecauseIowehimalotofmoneyandheknowsifhedoesn’tstayfriendlyIwon’tpay.”

Julian’smouthpartedandMissPettigrewhadaquickflashofwhiteteeth.“How-d’ye-do?”saidJulianbriefly.“Heneversaysmuch,”explainedMissLaFosse.“Hesimplysitsand

undresseseverynew-comerinhismindandthenre-dressesherassheshouldbe,andwhenshecomestohimeventually,whichshealwaysdoes,hejustgivesoneglanceandsaysatoncewhatshemustwear,soshethinkshe’smarvellousandalwaysgoesback.”

“Ohdear!”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Howembarrassingifhelooksatme.Ishallblushallover.”

shallblushallover.”“Well,youcan’tcomplainofmymethods,”saidJulianmildly,“iftheresults

aresosatisfactory.”“Rosie,”saidMissLaFosse,“meetGuinevere.Afriendofmine.”“Welcome,”saidRosie.“Youmustn’tordersteakandonions,”saidMissLaFosseearnestlytoMiss

Pettigrew.“Rosie’sonadiet.Shedaren’teatthemandsheadoresthem.Thetantalizingsmellwouldruinhernight.Orworse:shemightsuccumbandfalltotemptation.”

“Iwon’t,”promisedMissPettigrewhastily.“Iwenttoadoctor,”saidRosiegloomily.“Damnhiseyes.Whitemeat.

Chicken!Iaskyou?Iloathechicken.Nobodytoit.Nothingtofillagirl’sstomach.Norichfoods.Nofattyfoods.Nofriedfoods.Nopotatoes.Hardlyanybutter.Nocakes.What’sleft?Iaskyou?Isitworthit?”

“Ohyes,”chorusedtheothergirls,shocked.“Figuresmightchange,”saidMissDubarryconsolingly,“thenyou’llreach

thecorrectstandardquitenaturally,whilewe’llallhavetositaroundalldayandcutoutdancinganddrinkpintsofcream,‘tilwe’resickofthesightofit.”

“WhenI’mfifty,”saidRosiepessimistically,“whenIwon’tcarewhetherI’mfatorthin.”

Themusicstarted.“Shallwedance?”askedJulian.HeandRosietookthefloor.Rosiemeltedintohisarmswithaclinging

surrenderthatimbuedtheformalholdwithaclose,personalintimacy.Theydancedoff,cheektocheek.

MissPettigrewwatchedthemwithfascinatedeyes.“Whatalovelywoman!”admiredMissPettigrew.“I’veneverseenanyone

likeherbefore.Issheaforeigner?”“She’llgrowfat,”saidMissLaFossedarkly.“Youmarkmywords.Youcan’t

say‘no’always.”“She’saharemwoman,”saidMissDubarry.“Idon’tlikeharemwomen.

Theyletdowntheirsisters.”“Ido,”saidTony.“Theyknowwheretheybelonganddon’tgetideasinto

theirheads.Oneman,he’smaster.Theothersdon’texist.TheirplaceistheSeraglio.Theyseeknoother.Theirdutyistoprovidethefullquiverandattendtotheirlord’sneeds.Whatmorecantheyask?Whatmorecanheask?VerysatisfactoryIcallit.”

“Bah!”saidMissDubarryscornfully.“Ilikeindependenceinawoman.Sodomenthataremen.He’lltiresixweeksafterthey’remarried.Dashitall!

menthataremen.He’lltiresixweeksafterthey’remarried.Dashitall!Strawberry’sandcreamareallverywellforachange.Butforapermanency…!Fancylivingwithawomanwhoneversaidno.”

“IagreewithTony,”beganMichael.“Thewomenoftoday…”“Bequiet,”orderedMissLaFosse.“Noarguments.Weallknowyourideas.

Outofdate.Guinevere,meettheLindsays,PeggyandMartin.Marriedayearandnotseparatedyet.”

MissPettigrewturnedtotheremainingcouple.Bothhadsmooth,young,livelyfaces.Bothhadstraightbrownhair,blueeyesandcheerfulgrins.Theymighthavebeentwins.Martin’shairwasbrushedsmoothlyback:Peggy’swascutinafringeacrossherforeheadandbrushedsmoothlydownoverherears.

“Professionally,”explainedMissLaFosse,“theLindsayTwins.Betterpublicitythanhusbandandwife.Comedyturn.Revue,Varietyoranythingoffered.”

MissPettigrewmetallthesepeoplewithdelightedinterest.Herwide,shiningeyessurveyedtheroom.Thedrumsboomed:thecymbalsclashed:thesaxophoneswailed:theviolinswept:thepianocascaded.Themusicdraggedonetoone’sfeet.Madeonewanttodance.MissDubarryandTonymovedaway.TheLindsaysjoinedthem.MissLaFosseshookherheadunseenbyMissPettigrew.Ayoungmansangthroughamicrophone.Thelightsdimmed.Shufflingfeetmadearhythmoftheirown.

“Sothis,”saidMissPettigrewblissfully,“isaNightClub!AndIwastoldtheywerewickedplaces.”

MissLaFossethoughtofdiscreetlyshutdoorsupstairs.“Well,”saidMissLaFossecautiously,“therearenightclubsandnightclubs.

You’renotlikelytomeetRoyaltyhere.”“Ihavenodesire,”saidMissPettigrew,“tomeetRoyalty.Itwouldfillme

withtoomuchawe.IamquitehappyasIam.”Themusicstopped.Thelightswentup.Theirtablefilledagain.The

conductormadesignstoMissLaFosse.MissLaFossenodded.MissPettigrewheardherfriend’snameannounced.Astormofclappinggreetedthenews.ThelightswentdownandtherewasMissLaFosse,floodedbyaspotlight,crossingtheflooralone,completelyatease,withacarelessswingofhershoulders,amasterlyswayofherhips.Shereachedthegrandpianoandstoodleaningagainstit,onehandonhip,theotherlaididlyacrossthepolishedpiano-top.Sheworedaringlyagownofsheerwhite.Overasheath-likeslipofwhitesatin,whichoutlinedwithcunningdesigneverycurveofherfascinatingfigure,flaresoftransparenttulle,billowingtotheground,yetmanagedtoconveyanimpression

transparenttulle,billowingtotheground,yetmanagedtoconveyanimpressionofartlessinnocence.Therewasnocontrastingcolourexceptherbrightgoldhair.Thespotlightturneditintoanimbus.

TherewasacrashofchordsandMissLaFossebegantosing.MissPettigrewsatupslowlywithbreathlessattention.Herexperienceofprofessionalentertainerswassmall.Herexperienceofnight-clubentertainersconfinedsolelytoherviewofthematthetalkies,herlonesecretvice.Seeingandhearingoneinthefleshwasaltogetheranothermatter.Thewhitefigure,posingagainstthepiano,caughtherattention,withthatofeveryoneelseintheplace,andhelditbreathless.

TheprofessionalMissLaFossewasquiteadifferentwoman.WithoutanydefinablechangeofposeorexpressionshewassuddenlysurroundedwiththatcompellingauraoftheStar.Loungingagainstthepianowithindolentgrace,MissLaFossegazedroundtheroomwithaslow,indifferentglance.Lazylidsdroopedoverdrowsyeyes,whichwouldsuddenlyopenwidewithawicked,mockinghumour.Shehadadeep,huskyvoice.Itwashardlysinging.MissPettigrewwasnotquitesurewhattocallit.Sometimesitwasmoreliketalking,butitsentdelightfulshiversofenjoymentdownherspine.MissLaFossesanganaughty,delicioussong,called“WhenFatherleftfortheWeekend,whatdidMotherdo?”MissPettigrewenjoyedeverytantalizingminuteofit,eventhoughshewentquitepinkatwhatshethoughtsomeofitmightmean.Whenitcametoanendtheroomrangwithapplause.MissLaFossesangapopularsonghit,thenanother.Afterthatsherefusedtheencore.Shereturnedtotheirtable.

“O.K.,honey,”saidMissDubarry.“Youweregreat.NowonderNickdoesn’twanttoloseyou.GladI’mnotarival,orI’dhatetosaywhetherthefriendshipwouldstandit.”

“Whendoyousingagain?”askedMichael.“Abouthalf-pasttwo,”saidMissLaFosse.“OhLord!”Michaelgroaned.“MustIwaituntilthen?”“Noone’saskingyouto,”saidMissLaFossemildly.“Let’shaveadrink,”saidTony.MissLaFosseleaneddiscreetlyovertoMissPettigrewandwhispered

urgently,“Nowremember,don’tmixthem.Nothingmorefatalwhenyou’renotusedto‘em.”

“What’syours?”askedTony.“Iwillhave,”saidMissPettigrew,“asmallglassofsherry,thankyou.”Tony’seyespopped.“Iheardaright?”hesaidanxiously.“Theoldearsaren’tgoingbackonme?”“Whenyoureachmyage…”beganMissPettigrew.

“Whenyoureachmyage…”beganMissPettigrew.Tonylookedroundwildly.“Notagain,”heimplored.“You’renotstartingagain.Wasn’tthisafternoon

enough?Sherryitshallbe.”MissPettigrewlookedbewildered.“Trifle,”saidRosiesuddenly.“Spongecakeandraspberryjamandbeing

giddywithatablespoonfulofsherryin…I’llhaveawhiskey.”“Youandme,”saidMichael.“Waiter…”Theyalldrank.Variouspeoplestoppedattheirtable.MissPettigrewceased

troublingwiththesebirdsofpassage.One’scapacityforrememberingnamesandfaceswaslimited.

“Here’sJoeandAngela,”exclaimedMissDubarry.MissPettigrew’sfascinatedeyeswereonamanatthenexttablewhowas

slowlysinkinglowerandlowerinhischair.Soonhewoulddisappearoutofsightaltogetherunderneaththetable.Would,orwouldnot,hiscompanionsrescuehimintime?ShetooknonoticeuntilMissLaFossesaid,“Guinevere,meetMr.Blomfield.Joe,meetmyfriend,MissPettigrew.”

Shewassosurprisedattheformalityoftheintroductionsheturnedherhead.Joewaslookingdownather:abigman,notayoungman,possiblytheearly

fifties.Nosignofmiddle-agedspread.Whatmightbecalledawell-preservedfigure.Amanlookedbetterwithawell-coveredbodyinthefifties.Hewasimmaculateineveningclothes:shirt-frontgleaming,flowerinbuttonhole.Massivehead,powerfuljaw,humorouseyes,no-fooling-memouth,hairgreyingalittle,bluffmanner,genial,redface.

HisgazelightedonMissPettigrew’sfacewithsurprise.Thenhislipsparted,hiseyeslit,hisfaceexpanded,withasurprised,warm,friendlysmile.Onecontemporaryacknowledgedanother.MissPettigrewstaredinequalsurpriseathim,thensuddenlyherownlipspartedinashy,diffident,hesitantlyintimatesmile.Theygaveeachothergreeting.Heandshebelongedtoadifferentgeneration.Theyreachedcommongroundforamoment.

“Guinevere,meetAngela.Angela,myfriendGuinevere.”MissPettigrewlookedattheyoungwoman.“How-do-you-do?”saidMissPettigrewshyly.“How-d’do?”saidAngelainanindifferent,drawling,faintlycomplaining

voice.ShewasthefirstfriendofMissLaFossetointimidateMissPettigrewand

bringbackallheroldnervousness.Shewassoveryyoung,soveryhard,soverybrittle,soveryassured.SheseemedtoseestraightthroughMissPettigrew’s

brittle,soveryassured.SheseemedtoseestraightthroughMissPettigrew’sborrowedfinerydowntowhatMissPettigrewreallywasanddespiseher.MissPettigrewflushedalittlefornoreasonandsatfartherbackinherchair.

Angelawasdressedinavividscarletgownthatfittedherlikeasheath,outlininghigh,tinybreasts,slimdiaphragm,narrowhips,taperingthighs.Shehadpalesilverhair.MissPettigrewstaredatitwithfascinatedeyes;aplatinumblondeintheflesh.

“Dye,”thoughtMissPettigrewwithsternsatisfaction.“DearMissLaFosse’sisnatural.”

Angela’sfacewasalovelyexpressionlessmask,perfectastodetail,butwithnolifeinittogiveitappeal.Shehadgreatblueeyes,surroundedbylong,curlinglashes,astraightnose,alovelypinkandwhitecomplexion,aperfect,scarlet,rosebudmouth,acoiffurewithoutacurloutofplace.Shewasafinishedproductionoffeminineart,butMissPettigrew,nothavingseenhercomefromherbath,reservedjudgment.

MissPettigrewsighedinwardlyanddrewawayhereyes.Whatapitythatsuchanicemanshouldbecaughtbyayoungchit!Everysensiblewomanknewthatyoungcreaturesneverreallywentwitholdermenexceptforwhattheycouldget,butmenwerenotoriouslystupidandsusceptibleintheirmiddleage.

Mr.BlomfieldandAngelawereobviouslyintimatefriends.“Joinus,”saidMichael.“Ifwe’renotintruding,”saidJoe.“Apleasure,”saidRosie.“Thankyou,”saidJoe.Angelasaidnothing.Shehadonceheardthattoomuchtalking,toomuch

laughing,toomuchanimation,agedone.Apartfromtheprimaryconsiderationthatsheneverhadanythingtosay,shemeanttokeepherlooks.

“Waiter,”calledTony,“morechairs.”Theircirclewasenlargedbytheadditionofanotherminutetableandtwo

chairs.Thebandstartedatune.EveryonegotupanddancedexceptMissPettigrew,MissLaFosseandMichael.MissPettigrewbegantofeelalittleuncomfortablebecauseofMissLaFosse.Shewouldassurehershedidnotmindsittingoutadancealone.Shewouldtellhernexttime.EvenJoe,withratheramartyredexpression,waswalkingponderouslyaroundthefloorwiththeslimAngelainhisarms.Themusicstopped.Therewasanotherintervalofdelightfulgeneralconversation.Themusicstartedagain.

“Shallwe?”saidTonytoMissDubarry.“Ours,”saidJuliantoRosie.“Shallweshow‘em?”saidMartintoPeggy.

“Shallweshow‘em?”saidMartintoPeggy.Onebyonetheydisappeared.MissPettigrewlookedafterthemalittle

wistfully,thinkingofforgottenyouthandlostopportunities.Joestoodup.HeloomedaboveMissPettigrew,large,expansive,genial.“MayIhavethepleasure?”saidJoe.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

1.15AM—2.3AM

issPettigrewstarted.Shegasped.“Areyouaskingme?”asked‘MissPettigrewincredulously.“IfImayhavethehonour,”saidJoewithabeautifulbow.

“Alas!”saidMissPettigrewtragically.“Ican’tdance.”Joebeamed.“NeithercanI,”saidJoe.“Ionlypretend.”SerenelyhepulledoutTony’svacantchairandloweredhimselfcomfortably

besideMissPettigrew.Hesighedwithpleasure.“Tooold,”saidJoe.“Toomuchstomach.”“Youarenotfat,”saidMissPettigrewindignantly.“Goodtailor,”saidJoe,“goodbelt.Signsthough.”Hepattedhisstomach

comfortably.“Indeedtherearenot,”saidMissPettigrewstillindignant.“Justanicefilling-

out.Asplendidfigure,ifImaybesoboldastosayso.Middle-agedmenaremeanttobesolid.”

“AmImiddle-aged?”askedJoe.MissPettigrewlookedaghast.“Ohdear!”shethoughtindistress.“HaveIoffended?Somemenareas

touchyaswomenabouttheirage.Doeshepretendheisstillyoung?Imustsaysomething.”

Thenshethought,whyshouldshe?Hoity-toity!Shewouldn’twickedlyflatterasillyoldmanwhomshewouldneverseeagain.Shelookedathimseverely.

“Middle-agedyouare,”saidMissPettigrewwithspirit,“andmiddle-agedyoucan’tescapebeing.”

“Blessyou,lady,”saidJoeinhisbooming,comfortablevoice.“I’mgladyourealizeit.NowIwon’thavetopretendtohoparoundlikeatwo-year-old.”

Hesettledhimselflowerinhischairwithacomfortableairofpermanence.“Joe.”Angela’shigh,complainingvoicecameacrossthetable.“Shallwe

dance?”“No,”saidJoe,“wewillnot.Notthisone.Myfeetaren’tuptoit.”

“No,”saidJoe,“wewillnot.Notthisone.Myfeetaren’tuptoit.”Ifglancescouldbedaggers,thosewhichAngelathrewatMissPettigrew

wouldhavetransfixedher.MissPettigrewbecameallhotandflustered,butbehindhertrepidationwasawickedsenseofrapture.Forthefirsttimeinlifesomeonewasjealousofher.ShebecamesoexhilaratedwiththethoughtsheshelvedallideasoffairplayanddeliberatelyhopedJoewouldstay.Joelookedroundequably.Atthenexttabletheoccupantsmadehastetobeamathim.

“Oh,George!”calledJoecheerfully,“AngelawantstodanceandIdon’t.Whataboutit?”

Ayoungmanrosewithalacrity.“That’sgoodofyou,Joe.Comeandoblige,Angela.”Angelarosewithequalalacrity.Theydancedoff.“I’vealotofmoney,”saidJoe.“Ifindpeopleverywillingtooblige.”“Howsordid,”saidMissPettigrewsternly.“GeorgelikesAngela,”saidJoepeacefully,“andAngelalikesGeorge,but

shelikesmymoneybetter.They’llbequitehappy.”MissPettigrewdidn’tknowwhattosaytothis,sosaidnothing.“Well,well,”saidMissLaFosse’scheerfulvoice,“sittingoutalready.I’m

surprisedatyou,Guinevere.Comeon,Michael.Two’scompany’s,four’sacrowd.”

Theydancedaway.MissPettigrewsatandthrilled.Amanhaddeliberatelyelectedtositoutwith

her.Andsuchapresentableman!Noforcedcircumstanceseither.Hechosethesituationhimself.Evenifitwereonlypolitenessitwasaverynicegesture.Herfaceshonewithgratitude.

“Thankyouverymuch,”saidMissPettigrew.“Itisverykindofyoutositwithme.IwasbeginningtofearIwasspoilingMissLaFosse’sevening.Shewouldn’tdanceandleavemesittingalone.Nowatleastshecanhaveonedance.”

“Kind,”chuckledJoe.“MydearMissPettigrew,thepleasureisallmine.You’resavingmeachingbunionsandstabbingcorns.WhenIwasbornmyfeetwereonlymadetocarryeightpounds.Therestofmehasgrownoutofproportion.”

MissPettigrewsmiledatthemildjoke.Shewasalittlenervousaboutconversation.Shewasquiteunusedtoentertainingstrangementete-a-teteanddidn’tknowwhattosay,butshesoondiscoveredherworriesweregroundless.Talkjusthappened.Nodifficulty.Itsimplyarrived.

Thereweredrinkstobeofferedandrefused.Therewerepresentfriends.TherewasJoe’scareer.

TherewasJoe’scareer.“Corsets!”saidJoe.“There’salotofmoneytobemadeincorsets.Ifyoucan

getintouchwiththerightpeople.Idid.Ifyoucantakeaninchoffawoman’s…well,Iwon’tmentiontheplace,butyoucanguess…youcanmakeafortune.Talkabouttheageofcorsetsbeinggone!Myeye!You’venoideahowthesesocietywomenflytometogivethemtheperfectfiguretheylacknaturally.DoyouthinkJulian’sgownswouldlookthewaytheydowithoutmygroundworkunderneath?No,sir,theywouldn’t.Aprotruding,well,dashitall,youcanguess…backorfront,couldruinthelookofanycreation.”

MissPettigrewsatfascinated.Thiswasanamazingtopicofconversationbetweenamanandwomanmeetingforthefirsttime,butshefounditathousandtimesmoreinterestingthandiscussingtheweather.Itwasnotindelicate.ItwasBigBusiness.WhowouldhavedreamedyesterdaythattodayshewouldbesittingtalkingonequaltermswithBigBusiness!Hergentlemouthwastremulouswithinterestandsympathy.Joeexpanded.Angelaloatheddiscussingcorsets.MissPettigrewlovedit.Nomistakingrealinterest.Heeyedherprofessionally.

“Nowyou’vegotasplendidfigureforyourage,”saidJoeearnestly.“Idon’tthinkeven‘Blomfield’sCorrectCorsets’coulddoanythingmoreforyou.Howdoyoudoit?”

“Shortfoodandcontinualnervousworry,”thoughtMissPettigrew.ButtonightshewasCinderellaandrefusedtocontemplatehershabbybackground.

“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewnegligently.“Nothingatall.Iassureyou.It’sjustnatural.”

“Nochildren,”saidJoebrilliantly.“Iamnotmarried,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity.“Menareblind,”saidJoegallantly.MissPettigrewwasweakwithjoy.Allthesecomplimentsweregoingtoher

head.Shecouldhavedonewithmore,butthedancecametoanend.TonylookedsternlyatJoe.Joesaidblandly,“Youthmustneedstakesecondplace,myboy.”

“Ha!”saidTony,“monopolizethebelle,wouldyou?”MissPettigrewsquirmedwithpleasure.Joestayedplantedinthechairbeside

her.MissPettigrewwasradiant.GeorgehadjoinedthepartyandsatwithunobtrusivelyadoringeyesonAngela.

“I’mhungry,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ican’tsinganymoreonanemptyinside.”“Ithoughtonewassupposedto,”saidJulian.“I’mdifferent,”saidMissLaFosse.

“I’mdifferent,”saidMissLaFosse.“I’mhungrytoo,”saidMichael.“Theeffectofmydinnerhasalsowornoff.”Supperwasordered.Themusicbeganagain,adreamy,meltingmelody.The

couplesleftthetableagainuntilsuppershouldarrive.JoelookedatMissPettigrew.

“Ourdance,Ithink,”saidJoe.“ButItoldyouIcouldn’tdance,”saidMissPettigrewwithdeepregret.“Iamquiteconfident,”saidJoe,“thatyoudotheOld-fashionedWaltz

perfectly.”MissPettigrew’sfacelit.“IsittheOld-fashionedWaltz?”“Itisso,”saidJoe.MissPettigrewstoodup.Joebowed.Heputhisarmaroundherwaist.Theyhesitatedafewbeatsthen

swungintothecrowd.MissPettigrewshuthereyestight.Thiswasthecrowningmoment.SeeNaplesanddie.ShesimplysurrenderedherselftoJoe’sarmsandthedreamy,liltingrhythm.

Joedanceditwell.Despitehisdarkhints,MissPettigrewfelthisbulkonlyasacomfortablepressureagainstherownbody.Inheryouth,attheveryfewsocialassembliesshehadattendedwhichpermittedalittlemildwaltzing,herlotforpartnershadalwaysfallenamongtheelderlygeneration,andMissPettigrewwellknewtheratherembarrassingawkwardnessofapartner’sover-generouswaistline.

“Perfect,”saidJoe.“Themoderngenerationdon’tknowhowtowaltz.Iwouldn’thavemissedthatforworlds.”

TreadingonairMissPettigrewreturnedtoherseatwithflushedcheeksandshiningeyes.

“Well,yougiddyoldfraud,”accusedMissLaFosse.“Tellingmeyoucouldn’tdance.YouonlywantedtositoutwithJoe.”

“Oh,please,”saidMissPettigrew,pinknowwithembarrassment.“IassureyoutheWaltzistheonlydanceIknow.”

ShewashaughtywithJoeforseveralminutesincaseheshouldthinkthings.Supperarrived.MissPettigrewfoundsurprisinglyshewasquitehungryagain.Shesettowithawill.

“Haveanice,”offeredMichael.“Iwill,”saidMissPettigrew.Hewinked.“Shouldbegoodhere.Owner’sspeciality,Iunderstand.”MissPettigrewrelapsedintogiggles,despiteMissLaFosse’sindignantglare

MissPettigrewrelapsedintogiggles,despiteMissLaFosse’sindignantglareatMichael.Buttheicewasamarvellousconcoction.MissPettigrewhadneverthoughtshewasgreedybefore,butthiswasnochilledcustard.Therewascreamandfruitandnutsandicecreamandawonderfulsyrup,allskilfullyblended.Sheslowlyturnedeachambrosialspoonfulroundhertongue.

Thebandstartedaslow,drowsyfoxtrot.Thelightswerelowered.Onlyadullglowpervadedtheroom.MissPettigrewlookedupwithdreamyenjoymentandsawNickapproachingtheirtable.Theicesuddenlylostitsflavour.

Nickcamethreadinghiswayslowlybetweenthetables,hisgazeonMissLaFosse.Hisfacewasquiteexpressionless,hiseyesblank,yetsuddenlyMissPettigrewshivered.Shehadafeelingthatonlyathinshutterofrestraintwasdrawnoverhiseyes.Anyseconditmightopentorevealtheminfullflame.

MissPettigrewglancedwildlyroundthetable.NooneelsehadseenNick.Theloweredlights,thetreaclymusic,therichfood,wereallconducivetoreposeandromance.Eachcouplehadedgedalittleclosertogether.Michaelwastheclosestofall.HisarmwasobviouslyroundMissLaFosseandhisbrownheadbentaboveherfairone.Hewastalkingearnestly.MissLaFosse’sfaceworeaserious,almostshyexpression.

Nickreachedthetable.“Delysia,”saidNick.“Ourdance,Ithink.”Everyoneatthetablewassuddenlystill.Thebandplayedon.Dancing

couplescrossedthefloor.Thelightsremaineddiscreetlylowered.Noonenoticedthetablesinthecorner.

MissLaFosse’sbodygaveajerkandhereyescameroundtomeetNick’s.Herfaceshonewhiteinthedimness.

“Oh!Nick!”saidMissLaFosseinadazedwhisper.Michaelwentrigid.Twomusclesoneachsideofhisjawstoodout.He

shiftedhisholdveryslightlyonMissLaFosse’sshoulder.“Sorry,oldman,”saidMichael,“Delysia’ssittingthisoneoutwithme.”“Delysiahasforgotten,”saidNickinaquietvoice.“Ihaveapriorclaim.”TurbulentthoughtsurgedthroughMissPettigrew’smind.Shegazed

hopelesslyround.Alltheothercouples,withdiscreet,non-committalfaces,weregazingsomewhereelse.ThiswasbetweenNick,DelysiaandMichael.NoneoftheirbusinessandNickwasn’tapleasantenemy.Nohelpthere.Butsomethingmustbedone.MissLaFossewasslipping.Thesnakehadfixeditseyesandtherabbitwashelpless.Slowly,inchbyinch,MissLaFossewasdrawingawayfromMichael’srestraininghold.MissPettigrewalmostsobbed.

ThereNickstood,ashandsomeassin,brillianteyesbeginningtoshow

ThereNickstood,ashandsomeassin,brillianteyesbeginningtoshowsmoulderinglights,darkfacebitterandcompelling,bodychargedwithatense,violent,jealousmaleanger,willing,forcingMissLaFosseintothebriefparadiseofhispassionatedesire.

MissLaFossewasalreadysittinguprightonherchair,herwideeyesfullonNick’s.

“Areyoucoming,Delysia?”saidNick.“I…”beganMissLaFosse.Shestoodup.WithaconvulsivejerkMichaelstoodbesideher.“Delysia.”MissLaFossecaughtinherbreathwithalittle,hopelesssound.Sheflunga

lookofwildappealatNick.“I’mafraidthisdanceisbooked,”saidMichaelinachokingfury.“Sorryifthere’sbeenamistake,”saidNicksmoothly,“butIhavesomething

tosaytoDelysia.It’simportant.”HeturnedthefullstrengthofhiscompellinggazeonMissLaFosseagain.

MissLaFossetookastepforward.“Lost…lost,”weptMissPettigrew’sthoughts.“Ifshegoesnowshewill

neverescapehim.”GonewasallMissPettigrew’sthoughtofherself.Everyfaculty,everynerve,

wasbentonthehopelesstaskofsavingMissLaFosse.Hereyesrangedwildlybetweentheprotagonists.Michael’sdesperateface,MissLaFosse’shelplessairofsubmission,Nick’shard,dark,compellingglance.

MissLaFossemovedahesitatingstepforward.HelplesslyMichaelexhorted,“Delysia.”

“I’m…I’msorry,”saidMissLaFossehelplessly.Shegavehimatragicglance.

“Oh!”thoughtMissPettigrew,hereyessmarting.“WhatwillMichaeldo?He’llgoonablindagain.He’llsockanotherpoliceman.They’llgivehimsixtydaysnexttime.WhatcanIdo?WhatcanIdo?”

Alightbrokeonhermind.“Wemightbeawhile,”saidNick.“Sockhimone,”hissedMissPettigrew.Michaelsocked.Nickwentdown,takingachairandatablewithhim.He

leapedtohisfeet,facepallid,eyesblindwithfury.Michaeldancedonhistwofeet,alookofunholyjoyonhisface:bodypoisedforaction,eyesshining,agloriousgrinonhismouth.

Nick’sfuriousleapcarriedhimalmosttostrikingdistance;thenhestopped.Thefaintest,tiniestquiverofhesitationcameoverhisface.Thefastidiousnessof

Thefaintest,tiniestquiverofhesitationcameoverhisface.ThefastidiousnessoftheLatin.Michaelcarednothingfordignity.Nickdid.Threewaitersrushedtointervene.Hedidn’tstopthem.Lightswentup.Dancerscametoastandstillandlookedroundinsurprise.Thebandblaredout.Morewaitersappeared.Voicesroseinababelofsound.MissPettigrewgrabbedMichael’sarm.

“Out,”hissedMissPettigrew,mistressoffate,kingmaker.Michaelobeyed.Reluctantly:butDelysiawasworthmorethanthe

satisfactionofagloriousbloodlust.MichaelgrabbedMissLaFosse’sarmandtowedhertowardsthedoor.She

went.TonygrabbedMissDubarry,JuliangrabbedRosie,MartingrabbedPeggie,GeorgemadehaywhilethesunshoneandgrabbedAngela.GeneralPettigrewurgedonthetroops.Joerumbledbehindher,“Neverdidlikethefellow.”

Theyreachedthedoorandtumbledintothevestibule,leavingbehindthebrayingband,theexcitedvoices,thesoothingwaiters,theragingNick.Thegirlshastenedtothecloakroom.MissPettigrewgrabbedherfurcoat;thentheyweredownstairsagain,themenwerewaiting,andtheyallspilledintothestreet.

Thecold,dampNovemberairstrucktheirfaces.Itwasraininginamiserable,half-heartedfashion.MissPettigrew’seyesblinkedinthegloomafterthebrilliantlightsinside.Inthedarknesstheyseemedafarbiggercrowdthaninside.Everyonewastalkingexcitedly,laughinghysterically.Thereseemedtobeabouttenvoicescalling‘Taxi,taxi’.Everyfemalewaslinkedpossessivelybysomemale.Allbutherself.Suddenly,inthecrowd,MissPettigrewhadalost,frightened,lonelyfeeling.Herbubbleofexaltationwaspricked.Suddenlysherememberedshewasastranger.Then,loudabovetheothers,avoicewasheardshouting,“MissPettigrew.Where’sMissPettigrew?I’mtakingMissPettigrewhome.Where’sMissPettigrew?”

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

2.3AM—3.6AM

“Here,”saidMissPettigrewinatinyvoice.Joeloomedaboveher.Hesaidnoword,buthisarmwentthroughherswith

thatglorious,proprietary,wardingmaleattentivenessneverhithertoexperiencedbyMissPettigrew.Shesimplyleanedonhimweakly.

Taxisappeared.Couplesbundledin.MissPettigrewmadetofollow,butJoe’sgraspwasfirm.Thetaxisdisappeared.Anothercruisedbyhopefully.

“Ours,Ithink,”saidJoe.“Whereto,sir?”askedtheman.“Justdriveon,”saidJoe;“I’llletyouknowlater.”MissPettigrewfoundherselfinthecold,darkinterior,outoftherain,alone

withaman.Thetaxiquivered.MissPettigrewquivered.Butnotwithfear.Withexcitement,withbliss.Herthoughtsracedwithsuchwildelationshewasalmostdizzy.Shecouldn’tbelieveit.

“ButIneveraskedhim,”thoughtMissPettigrewhappily;“hechosemeallhimself.Iwasn’tevennear.Hedeliberatelysaidhewastakingmehome.Iwasn’teventhinkingaboutit.Heneverneedhavesaidaword.It’sunbelievable,buthesimplymusthavewantedto.Whatotherexplanationisthere?”

Shewasweakwithsheergratification,butshethoughtthatsuchunrulyjubilationwasnotquitemodestandfeltguilty.

“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrew.“WhataboutAngela?”“Angela,”saidJoecomfortably,“iswithGeorge.Didn’tyousee?Theywere

thefirsttogetinataxi.Hewillseeher,iflesssafely,quiteascompetentlyhome.”

“Won’tshebeoffended?”askedMissPettigrewtimidly.“I’llbuyherapresent,”saidJoe.“She’sneveroffendedifIbuyhera

present.”“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew,nonplussed.“Iwouldn’tworryaboutAngela,”saidJoeconsolingly.“Shewouldn’tworry

aboutyou.”“Totakeanotherwoman’sescort…!”beganMissPettigrew,halfinreal

“Totakeanotherwoman’sescort…!”beganMissPettigrew,halfinrealconcern,halfinawickedmeekness,becauseshewasthoroughlyenjoyingallthisreassurance.

“Youdidn’ttakeme,”saidJoe.“Itookyou.”MissPettigrewabruptlycastscruplestothewinds.Angelahadeverything:

youth,beauty,assurance,anotherman.ShecouldspareJoeforonenight.“Theaddress,”saidMissPettigrew,“isFive,OnslowMansions.”“Isn’tthatDelysia’saddress?”“IamstayingwithMissLaFosse,”liedMissPettigrew.“Youcan’tgothereyet,”saidJoeearnestly.“Ohdear,whynot?”askedMissPettigrewnervously.“Well,liveandletlive,”saidJoe.“They’veonlyjustgottogether,haven’t

they?They’llwantalittletimetothemselves.Didn’tyounoticetheygrabbedataxiontheirown?”

“Ohdear,whatshallIdo?”saidMissPettigrewwithasinkingheart.“That’seasy,”saidJoecheerfully.“We’lldrivearoundabitfirst.”“Inataxi?”saidMissPettigrew,scandalized.“Sure.Whynot?”saidJoe.MissPettigrewsatup.“Certainlynot,”saidMissPettigrewseverely.“Andthemetersimplyticking

round.Itwouldcostyouafortune.Icouldn’tdreamoflettingyou.Iamaverygoodwalker,Iassureyou.Perhaps,ifwegotout,wecouldwalkback.I’msureit’sfairnow.I…Iwouldn’ttroubleyoutocomewithme,onlyIamverynervousinthedark,andIknowIwouldn’tbeabletofindmyownway.”

Shelookedathimwithnervousapology.Joewentintoalowrumbleoflaughter.

“Ifthey’dallbeenlikeyouI’dbeawealthiermanthanIam,”chuckledJoe.Hefoundthespeaking-tube.“Driveround‘tilIgiveyouanaddress.”“Oh,please,”saidMissPettigrewindistress.“Listen,”saidJoe.“There’salotofmoneyincorsets.Mybankmanagereats

outofmyhand.”Hesankbackcomfortably.Hewasfindingitamostoriginalexperiencetobe

withsomeonewhoworriedthatheshouldspendratherthanthatheshouldnot.“Ifyou’requitesure?”saidMissPettigrewfromherrigidposture.“I’llbuyyouthetaxi,”saidJoe.MissPettigrewslowlysettledbackherself.Itwashisbusiness.Heknewbest.

Shehadnowquiteobviouslybetrayedherlackofwealthybackground.Shehopedhewasn’tlaughingather,butitwastoolatenowtomakeamends.

hopedhewasn’tlaughingather,butitwastoolatenowtomakeamends.Suddenlyshejustcouldn’tbebotheredtopretendanylonger.

“Iknowtherearepeoplewithalotofmoney,”saidMissPettigrewhumbly,“butIfinditquiteimpossibletothinkintermsofpounds.Icountinpence.”

“Once,”saidJoe,“mygreatestdissipationwasagalleryseatatamusichall.”“Oh,”saidMissPettigrewhappily,“thenI’mquitesureyouunderstand.”Shesettledmorehappily.ThecoldNovemberwindfoundchinksinthecab

andcamesweepingin.Shedrewherfurcoatwithluxuriousblissmorecloselyroundher.

“Itiscold,”saidJoe,andcalmlyputhisarmroundMissPettigrewandheldherclose.

MissPettigrewsatinataxiwithastrangemanandhehadtheeffronterytoputhisarmroundher,andMissPettigrew…MissPettigrewrelaxed.Shesankinherseat.Shelaidherheadonhisshoulder.Shehadneverbeensowickedinherlifeandshehadneverbeensohappy.Shewasn’tgoingtopretendanymore.Sheheardherownvoicesayingveryloudlyandveryfirmly,“Iamforty,”saidMissPettigrew,“andnoone,inallmylifebefore,hasflirtedwithme.Youmayn’tbeenjoyingit,butIam.I’mveryhappy.”

Shefoundhisfreehandandveryfirmlytookholdofit.Joe’sreturningclaspwaswarmlyreassuring.

“Iamverycomfortablemyself,”saidJoe.“Mr.Blomfield…”beganMissPettigrew.“WhynotJoe?”saidJoepersuasively.“Let’sthaw.”“Joe,”saidMissPettigrewshyly.“Thankyou.”“MyownisGuinevere,”offeredMissPettigrewtimidly.“SoIhadheard,”saidJoe.“IfImay…”“I’dlikeyouto.”“I’mveryhappytoknowyou,Guinevere,”saidJoe.“I’vehadawonderfulday,”saidMissPettigrewconfidentially.“You

wouldn’tbelieveit.Atfirstitwaswatchingthingshappentootherpeople,butnowIamrightinitmyself.I’llneverforgetthisdayinallmylife.Youaregivingittheperfectfinish.”

MissPettigrewwastheoddestladyJoehadeverputhisarmaround,buthefoundherodditygivinghimapeculiarsenseofcontentment.Shewasdifferent,andevenamaninthemiddlefiftiescanlikeachange.Certainlyheroddconduct,herbewilderingremarks,hershydelight,weresomethinghehadneverstruckbefore.Theygavehimamostcomfortablesenseofsatisfaction.What,

struckbefore.Theygavehimamostcomfortablesenseofsatisfaction.What,afterall,wasababyface…onlysomethingtolookat…againstthesenseofcomplacencyMissPettigrewinspiredinaman.

“Comfortable?”saidJoe,givingMissPettigrewacomfortingsqueeze.“Very,”saidMissPettigrewshamelessly.Thiswasobviouslyaperfectexcusetodrawhercloser,andJoewasno

slowcoach.Hedrewhercloser.MissPettigrewcame.“Idon’tcare,”saidMissPettigrewsuddenly,“whetheryouarewishingyou

werewithAngelaornot.”“Iamnot,”saidJoesolemnly,“wishingIwaswithAngela.”MissPettigrewturnedherheadalittleandlookedathim.Wasitthesherry

shehadtaken,orJoe’sencirclingarmthatgaveherasenseofaudacity?“Icannotunderstand,”saidMissPettigrewseverely,“howsensiblemenlike

youcangettakeninbytheyoungcreatures.YouonlysufferinthelongrunandIshouldnotliketoseeyouhurt.”

“Iamnever,”saidJoe,“takeninbyyoungcreatures.”“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewdoubtfully.“Yousee,”explainedJoe,“whenIwasakidIhadnofunatall.Noparties,no

dances,nogirls.Sothatnow,whenIhaveabitofmoneyandleisure,Ilikeabitoflifeandmovement.Ibuythemafewpresentsandinreturntheyarevery…charming.Theiryouthbringsbackmine.Webothgetwhatwewant,buttheydon’tfoolme.No,sir,notme.”

“Iquiteunderstand,”saidMissPettigrewsurprisingly.“Ihaveneverhadanyfunoramusement.To-dayhastaughtmealesson.Ihavediscoveredalotoffrivoloustendenciesinmyselfhithertoquiteunsuspected.”

“Excellent,”saidJoe.“Wecanenjoylifetogether.”Thewordswereonlyaphrase,MissPettigrewknew,butshehadasudden

visionofaliferich,varied;alittlevulgarperhaps.Hewouldgetdrunksometimes.Hewouldundoubtedlyshockher.Hewasnotrefined.Hewouldbringoddpeopletothehouse.Herstandardswouldbeturnedtopsy-turvy,butwhatasenseofease,ofsecurity,offullnesshewouldbringtoexistence!

Shestolealookathim.Big,bluff,hearty,ahinthecouldbealittlebrutalmaybe,butalsokindandconsiderate.Hewasnotagentleman.Hermotherwouldhavebeenshockedbyhim.Mrs.Brummeganmighthavecuthim,ifshehadnotfirstheardofhismoney.Herfatherwoulddefinitelynothaveadmittedhimwithinthecircleofhisintimates.Shewasloweringherdignityasawell-bredgentlewomaninacceptinghisattentions,butshehadsunksolowinoneshortdayshesimplydidn’tcarewhetherhewasvulgarornot.

Joe’sconventionallyencirclingarmwasnowdefinitelyawarm,comfortable

Joe’sconventionallyencirclingarmwasnowdefinitelyawarm,comfortableembrace.MissPettigrew,therewasnootherwordforit,simplysnuggledin.Shewasquiteshamelesslyhappy.

Therainoutsidehadnotstopped,butturnedtoahorrid,wetsleet,neithersnownorrain,thatplasteredonewindowofthetaxiwherethewindblewagainstit.MissPettigrewwatcheditfromtheserenecomfortofthewarminteriorofthetaxi.

“Youwerequiteright,”saidMissPettigrew.“It’snotanighttobeoutin.”“Catchyourdeathofcold,”agreedJoe.“Especiallyinthismoderneveningwear,”saidMissPettigrew.“Veryattractive,”saidJoegallantly,“butnotsensible.”“Norealwarmthinasinglegarment,”admittedMissPettigrew.“Wehavetowearsilktoo,”saidJoegloomily.“Wool,”saidMissPettigrew.“Idon’tcarewhatpeoplesay.Woolisstillthe

bestwearforwinter.”“Iquiteagree,”saidJoefervently.Thiswasavitalsubject.“Buttheyounggirls!”MissPettigrewshookherhead.“Silkitisandsilkit

hastobe.Nowarmthatall.Idon’tknowhowtheydon’talldieofpneumonia.Youcannotmakethemunderstandthattheylookbetterforwool.Awarmbodymeansaglowingface.Acoldbodymeansapinchedlookandarednose.”

“Whataboutthemen?”saidJoewithearnestgloom.“I’musedtowool.Iwasbroughtuponwool.Mymotherinsistedonwool.Ilikemywoollenvestandpants.ButdareIwearthem!No.Idon’t.They’dthinkIwasanoldfogey.TheythinkIshouldwearsilkaswellasthemselves.I’dblushiftheydiscoveredmeinwool.”

“Ipresume,”saidMissPettigrewscornfully,“youarespeakingoftheyounggirlsyouaresofondof.Youareaverystupidman.Youshouldrememberyourage.No.Iwillnotflatteryou.Youarenotayoungman.Youwillundoubtedlygetrheumatism.Yougostraighthometonightandtomorrowinsistonpurewoollenunderwear.WhetherIamrudeornot,letmetellyouthis.Theywon’tgetromanticoveryouwhetheryouwearsilkorwool.Soyoumayjustaswellwearwoolandbecomfortable.”

“Couldyou?”askedJoe.“CouldIwhat?”“Getromanticoverme?”MissPettigrewblushed.Shepositivelywriggledwithpleasure.Shelooked

almostarch.This,thoughtMissPettigrewdelightedly,isflirtingWhyhadshewaitedsolongtosavouritsenjoyment?

waitedsolongtosavouritsenjoyment?“I,”saidMissPettigrewsubtly,“amnotayounggirl.”“Ah!”triumphedJoe,whowasallthere.“Thenyoucould?”“Imight,”saidMissPettigrewcoyly.“Iinsist.”“Iamnotinthehabit,”saidMissPettigrewwithtremendousboldness,“of

gettingromanticovereveryhandsomemanImeet.”“Me?”saidJoe,pleased.“Handsome?”“Nomockmodesty,”saidMissPettigrew.“Youknowthereisnoneedfor

youtoworryoverlooks.”“Ireturnthecompliment,”saidJoe.Theywerebothpleased.Joebeamed.MissPettigrewfeltimmenselyatease.

Sheventuredanotherslyallusion.“Woollenunderwear,”saidMissPettigrew.Joe’sdelighted,boominglaughrangout.Hiswitswereneverslow.“Itleadsone’sthoughtsastray,”chuckledJoe,“butintherightdirection.”MissPettigrewlookeddemure.“Iwillreverttosenseandwarmveststomorrow,”promisedJoe.Acommonbeliefinwoollenunderwearwasabondtoshatterthelastbarrier

ofconstraint.Theyobviouslyhadimportanttastesincommon.MissPettigrewheldveryfirmlytohiswarm,freehand.Joe’sarmremainedaroundher.Theywerebothcontent.ToJoe,theknowledgethatathisage,fifty-five,hisarmroundawomandefinitelythrilledher,gavehimathrillinreturn.Itmadehimfeelyearsyounger.Withthosebrazenyounggirls,youwereneversure.

“Speakingofclothes,”saidJoe,“Iknowabitaboutclothes.Gottoinmyjob.Yourblackget-uplackedonlytheonetouch.”

“What’sthat?”askedMissPettigrew,faintlydashed,butintenselyinterested.“Pearls,”saidJoe.“Astringofpearlsandyouwereperfect.”“Pearls!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Me?I’veneverevenownedanimitation

stringinallmylife.”“I’llbuyyousome,”saidJoesimply.MissPettigrewsatverystill.Ithadcomeatlast.Amanwastryingtobuyher

withpresents.Itwasthefirststep:acrucialmoment.Always,infilms,whenthemanproducedthefirstgiftofjewellery,youknewthatdangerhovered.Hewasthatsortofman!Nogoodmanofferedaladygifts.Notjewellery!Therewassomethingsinister,subtlyimmoralabouttheofferofjewellery.Chocolates,yes,flowers,handkerchiefs,extravagantdinnersandtheatres,butnotjewellery,notfurcoats.Furcoatsandjewellerywerethebadman’sbetrayal:thegoodgirl’swarning.

warning.“Allmylife,”saidMissPettigrew,“I’velongedforsomejewellery.I’dlove

some.”“I’llgetyousometomorrow,”saidJoe.“I’llaccept,”saidMissPettigrew.“Whynot?”askedJoeinsurprise.“Ladiesdon’t,”saidMissPettigrew.“Areyoualady?”“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew.“Iknewit,”saidJoegloomily.“Isuspectedit.Ifeltyouweredifferent.”“I’msorry,”saidMissPettigrewhumbly.“Itdoesrathercomplicatematters,doesn’tit?”saidJoesadly.“Doesit?”saidMissPettigrew.“Doesn’tit?”saidJoehopefully.“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“Ifinditmuchpleasanternottobealady.Ihave

beenoneallmylife.AndwhathaveItoshowforit?Nothing.Ihaveceasedtobeone.”

“Ah!”saidJoe,brightening.“Thatsimplifiesmatters.”“Whatmatters?”askedMissPettigrew.“Akissmatters,”saidJoetentatively.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew.Shebecamebold.“I’mnotsosure.”“Then…supposewetryit.”Theytriedit.Inexpertly,itistrue,onMissPettigrew’spart,butJoe’stuition

wassound,histechniquepolished.WhenMissPettigrewatlastleftOlympusandcamebacktoearth,shewasa

changedwoman.Sheneverneedhangherheadagain.Shecouldnowspeakwithauthority.Shewasinexperiencednolonger.Shehadbeenkissedsoundly:withexperience,withmastery,withardour.HerfacehadsucharadianceJoefelthumble.

“I’veneverbeenkissedbefore,”saidMissPettigrew.“ThenI’maluckyman,”saidJoe.“Ishallmakeupforlosttime.”MissPettigrewstarted.“Ohdear!Ihadforgottenallaboutthetime.WhatwillMissLaFossethink?I

mustreturnatonce.”MissPettigrewbecameagitated.Joewasasensibleman.Heactedthe

gentlemanatonce.Hesatupandpickedupthespeaking-tube.

gentlemanatonce.Hesatupandpickedupthespeaking-tube.“Five,OnslowMansions,”saidJoe.Thetaxislowed,wheeled,turned.“IfImay,”saidJoe,“IwillcallatDelysia’sinthemorningandtakeyouto

lunch.”Reality,likeathousandtonsofbricks,cametumblingaboutMissPettigrew.“Iwon’tbethere,”saidMissPettigrewinaflatvoice.“Thatdoesn’tmatter.Wherewillyoube?”“Idon’tknow,”saidMissPettigrew.“Don’tknow,”saidJoeinsurprise.MissPettigrewslowlysatup.Sheturnedawayherhead.Shefoughttokeep

backweak,hopelesstears.“Ihavebeenleadingyouastray,”saidMissPettigrewinamuffledvoice.“I

amnotwhatyouthinkIam.Ineverthoughtyouwouldeverwanttoseemeaftertonight,soIdidn’tthinkyouneedknow.Imusttellyouthetruthnow.”

“Ioftenthink,”saidJoecautiously,“thattruthisthebettercourse,butifyoudon’twanttotellme…”

“Ihaveliedtoyou,”saidMissPettigrew.“IamnotreallyafriendofMissLaFosse.”

“Butshesaidyouwere,”saidJoe,bewildered.“Shewasonlybeingkind,”saidMissPettigrew.“TheseclothesIhaveon.

They’renotmine.They’rehers.Sheonlyloanedthemtomeforthenight.”“What’sthatgottodowithit?”askedJoe.“Thisfaceyousee,”saidMissPettigrewvaliantly,“whichI…Ithinkyou

like.Itisn’treallymine.MissDubarryandMissLaFossejustmadeitupontopofmyown.I’mreallyaveryplain,dowdy,spinster.Youwouldn’treallylikeme.”

“IthinkImight,”saidJoe,manfullykeepinghisfacestraight.“IhappenedtodoalittlethingforMissLaFossethismorning,”explained

MissPettigrewinatremulousvoice,“andsheverykindlyentertainedmealldayandbroughtmetonight,butshedoesn’treallyknowme.”

“Don’tyouthink,”saidJoe,“ifyou,well,beganatthebeginning.I’malittlebewildered.”

“ImetMissLaFosseforthefirsttimeinmylifethismorning,”confessedMissPettigrew,“whenIwenttheretotryandgetapost.”

ShethoughtshehadbetternottellJoewhatkindofapost,ashemightknownothingaboutthechild,orchildren,MissLaFosseprobablyhadtuckedaway,sosheskippedtheemploymenttactfullyandinastammeringvoicetoldJoethehistoryofherday’sadventures.Joewasdelightedwiththem.Hethumpedhis

historyofherday’sadventures.Joewasdelightedwiththem.Hethumpedhiskneewithappreciation.

“You’reaworld’swonder,”saidJoedelightedly.“WhatdoIcarewhetheryouareinworkoroutofwork!What’syourrealaddress?I’llcallthere.”

MissPettigrewflushed,thenwentwhite.Shestammeredpainfully.“Ihaven’tany.Iowemylandladyrent.ShesaidifIdidnotgetaposttoday,I

hadtoleave.Ihavenotgotapost.”“IfIcouldbeofanyassistance,”offeredJoetactfully.“Oh,perhapsyoucould.”MissPettigrewturnedwitheagerhopefulness.

“Youseemsuchanimportantman.Youmustknowalotofpeople.Perhapsamongyournumerousfriendsoneofthemmightbewantingagovernessandyoucouldatleastmentionmyname.That’swhatIam.Agoverness.”

“Oh!”saidJoe,whoseofferofassistancehadmeantamuchmoreimmediatepecuniaryadvantage.

“OfcourseIwill,”headdedhastily.“IamquitesureIwillbeabletofindyousomething.Havenofear.”

MissPettigrew’sfacelightenedwithpatheticrelief,thencloudedagain.“Ohdear!”shesaidindistress.“Ihadbetterbehonest.Imean,itwouldn’tbe

fairtoyou,givingapersonalrecommendation,notknowing.Iamnotaverygoodgoverness,”saidMissPettigrewhopelessly.“Itwouldhavetobeaverysimplepost.InmylastplaceI’mafraidthetermgovernesswasonlyapolitefictionforakindofnursemaid.Youhadbetterknowtheworst.”

“Iquiteunderstand,”saidJoe.“Thedifficultyisnotinsurmountable.”“Youaresokind,”stammeredMissPettigrew.“Andnow,”saidJoe,“I’mverylonelybackhereallbymyself.”HedrewMissPettigrewbackandhisarm,veryfirmly,wentroundheragain.TheyarrivedatOnslowMansions.Joedismissedthetaxiandcameintothe

buildingwithMissPettigrew.Thehallwasempty.Thenightporterwasnotinsight.JoepreparedtoascendwithMissPettigrewtohaveaprivatewordwithMissLaFosse,butMissPettigrewstayedhim.

“Ifyoudon’tmind,”saidMissPettigrewshyly,“Ihadbettergoupalone.MissLaFossehasbeenexceptionallygoodtome.Icouldnottakeituponmyselftobringupanuninvitedguest.Itwouldbetrespassingonherkindnesstoomuch.Icouldnotdosuchathing.Iamquitesureshewouldnotlikeit.”

“Justasyouwish,”saidJoe,valiantlytryingtoreachMissPettigrew’sstandardofpoliteness,andtoseeMissLaFosseasanoutragedhostess.Delysia,hewaswellaware,wouldn’tnoticeanythingamissifMissPettigrewarrivedbackwithtenstrangemen.

backwithtenstrangemen.“Hereismycard,”saidJoefirmly.“Youaretobetheretomorrowattwelve

prompt.IfyoudonotcomeIshallputdetectivesonyourtrack.Promise.”“Oh!”whisperedMissPettigrew.“Youreallythinkyouwillbeabletofind

somethingforme?”“Iamquitesure,”saidJoewithsuchameaningglancethatMissPettigrew’s

heartmissedtwobeats,“Iwillbeabletofindsomepositionforyou.”“Oh,thankyou,”saidMissPettigrewbreathlessly.“I…Iwouldn’ttroubleyou

only…onlyI’mgettingalittlecowardly.Itissoveryworryingbeingoutofaposition.”

“Notrouble,”saidJoe.“Apleasure.Nomoreworrying.”“Goodnight,”saidMissPettigrewshyly.“Andthankyouforthehappiest

nightofmylife.”Sheheldoutherhand,butJoewasnotaccustomedtosuchformality.Miss

Pettigrewwasoncemoreengulfedinaheartymasculineembraceandsoundlykissed.

“Untiltomorrow,”saidJoe.MissPettigrewwalkedupthefirstfewstairsalittledazedwithhappiness.JoeroutedoutthenightporterandinquiredMissLaFosse’stelephone

number.Hewaitedtenminutesandputthroughacall.“Hallo!”saidMissLaFosse’svoice.“Thatyou,Delysia?”inquiredJoe.“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“Who’sthat?”“It’sme,Joe,butdon’tsayanything.MissPettigrewthere?”“Yes.”“Keephertonight,willyou?”“Sure.”“I’llexplaininthemorning.Don’ttellher.”“That’sO.K.”“I’llbearoundearly.”“Nottooearly.I’llkeepthebird.”“Rightyouare.Good-bye.”“Good-bye.”Joehungupthetelephone.

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

3.6AM—3.47AM

issPettigrewwalkedupthefirstfewstairslikeasleep-walker.Herfeetsankintothedeepcarpet.Thebuildingwassilent.Dimlightslitthestairsandcorridors.Thequietnessinducedmeditation.Slowlyhersense

ofhappinessdeparted.Shefaltered.Herstepslagged.Herfairy-taleworldfaded.Shestaredinfrontofherataphantomfearwhichloomedahead.

Herdaywasover.Ithadbeenawonderfulday,butitwasover.Shesawherselfclearlyagainjustasshereallywas:asshehadbeenonherfirsttripupthesestairssoshortatimeago,penniless,outofwork,nervous,unattractive.Thatwasherrealself.ShehadbeensomethingalittleeccentricandhighlyentertainingtoMissLaFosseforaday,andMissLaFossewasaccustomedtoindulgeherwhims,butsheknewquitewellwhatMissLaFosse’sfinalreactionwouldbe.

Shewouldarrive,giveMissLaFossebackherclothes,putonheroldonesagain,returntoheroldself,lookalittleseedy,alittledown-at-heels,unprepossessing.MissLaFossewouldfeeluncomfortableandalittleirritatedandwouldwonderhowshecouldmostconvenientlyridherselfofanencumbrance.

MissPettigrewcouldn’tbearhertothinkthat.Anythingratherthanthat.Shemadeaterrifiedvow.

Shewouldrushin,pretendshewasinahurry,hustleintoherownclothes,givehastythanksandmakeaquickdeparture.MissLaFosse’smemoryofhershouldn’tbetingedbyasingleminute’sdiscomfort.

Havingmadethiscourageousvow,MissPettigrew’sstepsstillrefusedtoquicken.Insteadtheywentevenslowerandslower,whileshetriedtofightoffaparalysingterror.Mrs.Pocknallwouldneverletherinnow.ShewouldneverdareknockupMrs.Pocknallatthisscandaloushour.Shewouldhavetowalkthestreetsfortheremainderofthenight.Sheleanedtremblingagainstthewall.

Afterafewseconds’completesubmissiontopanicsheslowlyresumedherupwardclimb.ShereachedMissLaFosse’scorridor:sawthenowfamiliardoor.Wasitonlythismorningshehadlookeduponitasastrangedoorand

Wasitonlythismorningshehadlookeduponitasastrangedoorandapproacheditwithtimidapprehension,wonderingwhatreceptionithadforher,dreadingfailure,prayingforonceherfearwouldbewrong,neverinwildestimaginationdreamingwhatdidawaither?

“Butit’sover,”thoughtMissPettigrew.“I’vehadmyday.Ihavebeenverylucky.Someneverevenhavethat.Imustbebrave.”

Shetookanothersteptowardstheend.ThesilkyfurofMissLaFosse’scoatstillenvelopedher,butitwasonlythereinfact,notinspirit.InspiritMissPettigrewwasagainwearingheroldtweedcoat,herbatteredfelthat,herdown-at-heelsshoes.Inspiritshewastheineffectivegovernessagain,withneithercourage,initiativenorcharm.Nomanwouldeverlikeherasshereallywas.Flirtingwasacharminggame.Menknewyouexpectedthemtoflatteryouandgratifiedyourwish,buttheyexpectedyoualsotogreettheirremarksinlikespirit.Itwasonlyherstupidinexperiencewhichhadmadehertakeeverythingseriously.

Ifsheturneduptomorrowinhertrueguise,wouldnotMr.Blomfieldwonderwhatinheaven’snametodowithherandhowtogetridofherpolitely?Shewouldsitinanagonyofhurtandshameandembarrassment.Shecouldnotfaceit.Shewouldnevergonearhimagain.

“No…No.Neverthat,”whisperedMissPettigrewtoherself.“Atleastheshallalwaysthinkofmeashesawmetonight.”

ShestoodatMissLaFosse’sdoorwhilethesecondstickedaminute.Shecouldnotbringherselftoring,toendeverything.

“Youhavebeenverykind,mydear,”thoughtMissPettigrew;“Iwillnotembarrassyou.”

Sheliftedherhandslowlyandpressedthebell.Thebelltrilledinside.Therewasashortwait.Thedoorflewopen.

“Guinevere,”criedMissLaFosse.“Younaughtygirl.Yougiddyoldkipper.Wherehaveyoubeen?IthoughtI’dlostyou.Comeinatonce.HasJoeseducedyou?Tellmetheworst.”

“Imusthur…”beganMissPettigrewfeebly,stilldeterminedonherresolve,butMissLaFosse,standingthere,lookingaslovely,butmuchhappierthanthefirsttimeshesawher,andgreetingherwithobviouspleasureandwelcome,madeacowardofheragain.

“Comeintothefireatonce,”orderedMissLaFosse.“Youlookhalf-frozen.Michael,movethatsheerhulkfrominfrontofthewarmth.”

MissPettigrewwasdrawntowardsthefire.Michaelboundedtohisfeet.HedescendedonMissPettigrew.Shefoundherselfenvelopedinamightyhug.Heswungheroffherfeetandkissedhersoundly.

swungheroffherfeetandkissedhersoundly.“I’veneverwantedtohugawomansomuchbefore.No.Notevenyou,

Delysia.I’dhavestayedhereallnighttillyoucame.”MissPettigrewwasbewildered.Shehadnoideawhatallthisexuberancewas

about.Shewastoowrappedupinherowntroubles.Butthatdidnotmeanshedidnotenjoyit.Shedid.Shehadneverthoughtkissingwassotrulydelightfulbefore.Shewasgettinggreedyforkisses.Whatshewoulddo,whenshereturnedtoheroldlifeandnomorecameherway,shedidnotknow.Pinkwithpleasureshewasputonherfeetagain.MissLaFossehoveredsolicitously,beamingatthemboth.

“Letmehelpyouoffwithyourcoat,”offeredMissLaFosse.“Sithere,”saidMichael.Thefirewasglowingbrightly.Thechesterfieldwasdrawnuptoitsheat.A

potofcoffeeandcupsstoodonasidetable.Itscomfortingsmellfilledtheroom.Itsaromaseducedhercourage.MissPettigrewhadtoforceherselftospeak.

“Ireallymust…”beganMissPettigrewagainbravely.“Haveacupofcoffee,”saidMichael.“Youmusthaveacupofcoffee.Chills

aredangerousonanightlikethis.Givemeclearfrostanyday.”Hepickedupthecoffee-pot.MissPettigrewfoundasteamingcupinher

hand.“I’llhaveanother,”saidMissLaFosse.“SowillI,”saidMichael.“Sitdown,”saidMissLaFosseagain,tothestill-standingMissPettigrew.

“Drawuptothefire.There’ssuchaheaptotalkabout.Wherehaveyoubeensolong?”

“Mefirst,”saidMichael.“I’vesimplygottoknowhow…”Thetelephonebellrang.“Bother,”saidMissLaFosse,gettingup.“Atthishour!Howdotheyknow

I’mnotinbed?”“Knowingyou,Iexpect,”saidMichael.MissLaFossepickedupthereceiver.“Hallo!…Yes.Who’sthat?…Yes…Sure…That’sO.K…Nottooearly.I’ll

keepthebird…Good-bye.”MissPettigrewhadstoodupandlaiddownhercoffee-cup.Thetelephone

ringingwasalwaysmomentous.Itmightpresageanything.Michaelhadalsorisenandlaiddownhiscup.Hisexpressionwasslightlytense.IfthatbounderCaldarelliwastryingalast-minuteassault,he’dfinishhim.ByGod!Evenifhehadtomurderhim.

hadtomurderhim.“Allserene,”saidMissLaFossecasually.“Justapal.”MichaelrelaxedandturnedbeamingtoMissPettigrewwhowasstillstanding

alittleuncertainly,tryingtopluckupcouragetobeginherlittleactofexit.“Sitdownandtellmewhereyou’vebeen,”demandedMissLaFosseagain.“I’mfirst,”saidMichael.“I’vegottoknow.Ican’trestuntilIdoknow.How

didyoudoit?Howwasthebrainwaveborn?Howcouldarespectablemaidenladyprovokesuchashatteringofallthecanonsofgoodbehaviour?I’mnotconventional.Ineverhavebeen,yetImustconfessitneverenteredmyheadtofloutalltherulesandsockamanonthejaw.ThereIstood,likeastuckpig,andittookyouatthecriticalmomenttodirectmybraintothesensible,masculinedeedthatshouldhavebeendonemonthsago.”

“Oh!”exclaimedMissPettigrew,lightdawning.“Tellme,”pleadedMichael.“Whencetheinspiration?”MissPettigrewlookedalittlesheepish.Itwasallsosimplyexplained,butif

theylikedtothinkshewasmarvellous,shecouldnotresisttheflattery.“Expound,”beggedMichael.“EthelM.Dell,”saidMissPettigrew.“Eh?”saidMichael.“Riddle-me-ree,”saidMissLaFosse.“Simple,”saidMissPettigrewmodestly.“Toyou,”saidMissLaFosse,“nottome.”“Speech,”saidMichael.ThefloorwasMissPettigrew’s.Shetookit.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewtremulously,“theexplanationissimple.Ihave

passedthroughlifewithverylittleexperience,butIstillhaveFeminineInstincts.Deepinthefemalebreastburnsaloveoftheconqueringmale.EthelM.Dellknewhersex.Allhermenwerehe-men.Iknowmysextoo,thoughIamstupidonothersubjects.Irememberedyouwereahe-mantoo.Youhadsockedapoliceman.IfNickhadsprungupandgivenbattle,allwouldhavebeenlost.Evenifyouhadbeatenhim,whichwasverylikely,seeingyouareabiggerman,hiswillingnesswouldstillhavebeatenyou.ButIbankedonthefactthatNickwouldfunkit.Heseemedthekindwhomight.Itwasagamble,butIriskedit.Itcameoff.Thatisall.”

MissPettigrewendedbreathlessly.“All,”breathedMichael.“Sheknowseverything,”saidMissLaFosseinawe.“Whatawoman!”saidMichael.“Whatawitch!”saidMissLaFosse.

“Whatawitch!”saidMissLaFosse.“Imustdohomage,”saidMichael.HekissedMissPettigrewagain.Allblushes,thoroughlyenjoyingit,Miss

Pettigrewsaidhappily.“YouwillmakeMissLaFossejealous.”“Thatyoumight,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Butevenifyoudidtakehimfrom

me,I’dhavetoadmitthebestmanwon.”“Iwassoterrifiedyouwouldchoosethewrongman,”gaspedMissPettigrew

inrelief.“Youhavechosentherightone,haven’tyou?”“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“Youbet,”saidMichael.“Therelief…!”saidMissPettigrewweakly.“You’venoidea.”“Sitdown,”triumphedMichael.“Drawupandexult.”“Yourcoffee,”worriedMissLaFosse;“itmustbequitecold.Ishallgetsome

fresh.Michaelshallhelp.”ShewinkedatMichael.Michaelfollowedherintothekitchen.“ThatwasJoeonthe‘phone…”whisperedMissLaFosseoutofhearing.Theybroughtbackhotcoffee.MissPettigrewfoundherselfbackinherchair

infrontofthewarmfire,coffee-cupinhand,vowforgotten.Shehadtoheardetails.

“Tellme,”saidMissPettigrewwithexcited,shiningeyes.“We’regoingtogetmarried,”saidMissLaFosse.“Atonce,”saidMichael.Theysatlookingliketwohappychildren.Itwasimpossibletohaveanyone

sointenselyinterestedintheirwelfareasMissPettigrewwithoutfeelinggratification.Itmadetheirmarriagenotjustoneamongamillion,butoneofsomepeculiarimportance.MichaelleanedforwardandtouchedMissPettigrew’shand,hishumourgone.

“Thankstoyou,”saidMichaelinalowvoice.“I’msohappy,”saidMissPettigrewshyly.“Allmyfearsatrest.”“SoamI,”saidMissLaFosse.“Thenyouapproveofme?”askedMichael.“Yes.”“Despitemy…flamboyanttemperament,”challengedMichaelwithatwinkle.“Becauseofit,”saidMissPettigrew.“Expoundtheoracle,”saidMichael.“Therearepeopleandpeopleintheworld,”explainedMissPettigrew.“Some

aremeantforquietdomesticity.Somearenot.MissLaFosseisnot.Neitherare

aremeantforquietdomesticity.Somearenot.MissLaFosseisnot.Neitherareyou.Itisrightyoushouldmate.It’sonlywhenthewronghalvesinsistontryingtojointhatyougetallthetrouble.”

“Thenyoudon’tbelievethewedding-bellsshouldsoundlikeclosing-time?”askedMichaelwithrisingspirits.

“Iamnoauthorityoninebriatepsychology,”saidMissPettigrewseverely;“thoughanoutsideobserver,I’vebeenontheinsideofmanymarriages.Thisold-fashionedideaofsettlingdownonmarriage,”lecturedMissPettigrewcarefully,“isquiterightinitsway,aslongastherightcouplesettlesdowntogether.Butiftherightcoupledon’twishtosettledown,theydonotceasetoberight.Thereisweightofevidencetosupportthisview.”

“Theweightofevidencehastakenaloadoffmymind,”saidMichaelsolemnly.

“It’sagreatcomfort,”saidMissLaFosse,“tobearightcouple.”“Ihavenowishtosettledown,”decidedMichael.“Domesticityisdead,”concurredMissLaFosse.“Twomindswithbutasinglethought,”saidMichael.“Andthatonebright,buthardlyproper,”saidMissLaFosse.“Once,”saidMissPettigrewcontemplatively,“Ithoughtotherwise.I

belongedtothesettling-downbrigade.Itwasmyhighestidealofmarriedbliss.ButtodayIhavelearnedalot.”

“Ah!”saidMissLaFossewithacumen.“‘Ihearthosegentlevoicescalling.’YougotonwellwithJoe.”

“Mr.Blomfieldisaverycharmingman,”saidMissPettigrewwithreserve.“Youcouldn’tcallhimasettler-down.”“Igatherednot.”“Butyoulikehim.”“Weseemedtohavetastesincommon,”saidMissPettigrewcautiously.“Harkatthewoman!”saidMichael.“Whatsirenstrainsarethese?Tastesin

common!PiggingintothefleshpotsofEgypt?WhathasshedonetoJoe?”“Iinsist,”demandedMissLaFossewithinterest,“onlearningwhatdark

deedsyouhavebeenuptowithmyoldfriendJoe.”“Yes,youngwoman,”saidMichael.“Explain.Youarrivewithcomplete

effrontery,noexplanation,three-quartersofanhourafterus,althoughwealllefttogether.”

MissPettigrewflushedandlookedalittleguilty.“Iknow,”joyouslyclaimedMissLaFosse.“Hekissedher.”“He’dbeafoolifhedidn’t,”commentedMichael.MissPettigrew’sfacewasacompletegive-away.

MissPettigrew’sfacewasacompletegive-away.“Iknewit,”triumphedMissLaFosse.“Youslyminx.Afterallyourlectures

tome.TakingpoorJoeforajoy-ride.Whatchancehadheagainstyourcharms?”

“Theseabandonedwomen.”Michaelshookhishead.MissPettigrewhastilygatheredtogethertheshredsofhertattereddignity.“Iassureyou,”saidMissPettigrewearnestly,“Ididitforthebest.Mr.

Blomfieldsaidyouhadjustgottogetherandwoulddefinitelynotwanttobedisturbedforalittlewhile.Hesuggestedashortrununtilyouhadtimeto…togetyourselvesadjusted.”

Michaelgrinned.“Soundman,Joe.I’llstandhimadrinknexttimeIseehim.”“Idon’tbelieveit,”saidMissLaFosse.“Youturnedthegladeyeonhimand

hecouldn’tresistyou.”SuddenlyMissPettigrewgiggled,lookednaughtilywicked,alittlearch.To

beteasedaboutaman!Itwasdefinitelyfascinating.“Iknewit,”repeatedMissLaFosse.“Tellmetheworst.”“Iadmit,”saidMissPettigrewwithguiltypleasure,“Mr.Blomfieldplaced

hisarmroundmeinthetaxi.Itwasverycoldandhedidnotwishmetogetachill.”

“Oh!Oh!”criedMissLaFosse.“Excuses!Suchexcuses!”MissPettigrewfoundthatshecouldnottellevenMissLaFosseandMichael

aboutJoe’skisses.Theywereprivatebetweenthemselves:tooprecioustobedetailedeventothebestoffriends.

“Oh,youtiresomeSphinx!”criedMissLaFosse.“Hekissedyou.Come.Confess.”

“Well,”saidMissPettigrewgrudgingly,“hedidkissmegoodnight.Iunderstanditisthecustomamongpeopleofyour…yourBohemiantendencies.”

MichaelandMissLaFosseburstoutlaughing.“Bohemiangirls!”criedMissLaFossejoyously.“AndoldSpanishcustoms!”“Staymewithflagons!”gaspedMichael.“Oystersarein.Herlipsare

sealed.”“Neversaydie,”chokedMissLaFosse.“Fetchmeatin-opener.”MissLaFosseteasedher.Michaelteasedher.MissPettigrewgrewpinkerand

pinker,hersmilesbroaderandbroader.Sheforgotallaboutdeparture.Theclockcreptround.

“GoodLord!”saidMichaelatlast.“Imustbeoff.”ItwasliketheknellofdoomsoundingtoMissPettigrew.Suddenlyshe

ItwasliketheknellofdoomsoundingtoMissPettigrew.Suddenlysheremembered.Shescrambledtoherfeet.

“Goodgracious!Iforgotthetimeaswell.Imustgotoo.Imustrush.HowcouldIforget?Imustchangeyourclothesatonce.Iwillfly.”

“Nonsense,”saidMissLaFosse.“You’restayingthenight,ofcourse.”MissPettigrewfoughtwithtemptation.Shecaughtholdofachairtosteady

herself.Shecouldnotspeakfortwoorthreeseconds.Shedrewadeep,quiveringbreath.

“Thankyou,”saidMissPettigrewatlast.“Youhavebeenverykind,mydear,butImustgo.YouandIhavehadaverypleasantdaytoday,buttomorrowwillbedifferent.Icannottrespassonyourkindnessfurther.Icouldn’tbearthisdaytobespoiledbya…ananticlimax.”

“Well,”saidMissLaFosse.“AfterthewayI’dcountedonyou!Ididn’tthinkyouwouldbesounkind,leavingmeinthelurchlikethis.”

“Inthelurch?”saidMissPettigrew,bewildered.“Ifyouwon’tstay,I’llhaveto,”saidMichael.“That’sallthereistoit.It’s

drastic,Iknow,andIhopenoonewilllearnforDelysia’ssake,butI’llhavetodoit.”

“That’sright,”saidMissLaFossefirmly.“Iwillnotbeleftalone.Nickmightturnupanytime.I’dbeafraidtobeleftalone.”

MissPettigrewlookedfromonetotheother.Theylookedveryserious,alittlereproachful.SuddenlysherememberedNickhadakey.DidMichaelknow?Hecouldnot.NowonderMissLaFossewasnervous.

“Ifyoureallyneedme!”stammeredMissPettigrew.“Iwouldn’tintrude…butifyoureallyneedme?”

“You’llstay,”criedMissLaFosse.“Iknewyouwouldn’tletmedown.”“Myeternalgratitude,”saidMichael.“I’dhatetocompromiseDelysia,but

I’dhavetodoit.Ican’thaveherupset.”“Certainlynot,”saidMissPettigrewsternly.“Iwouldn’tcountenancesucha

thing.I’llstayifyouaresureyouwantme.”ShethoughttherehadbeenquiteenoughcompromisingofMissLaFosse

already,evenifMichaelknewnothingaboutit.Itwashightimeasensiblewomanlikeherselftookcharge.AnditwasalmostamiraclethatMissLaFosseshouldreallyneedherforthenight.Thingsalwayslookedsomuchbrighterinthemorning.Shecouldsetoffinsearchofajobwithrenewedcourage.Shehadnotknownquitehowterrifiedshehadbeenofspendingthenightoutsideuntiltheneedhadgone.Thefloodofreliefthatpouredthroughherleftherquiteweak.

“That’ssettled,”saidMichael.“Isaidwecouldcountonyou.Where’smy

“That’ssettled,”saidMichael.“Isaidwecouldcountonyou.Where’smyhat?Where’smycoat?Where’smywoman?Goodnight,darling!Now’sthetimeforyourBohemiantendencies.”

“Yourcoat,”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Thebedroom.Iwillputitaway.”SheseizedMissLaFosse’sfurcoatandbeatahastyretreatintothebedroom.

Therewasanintervalofsilence.Thedoorbanged.“Allclear,”calledMissLaFosse.“Youcancomeoutofhiding.Nothingto

shockyourmodestynow.”

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

3.47AM—?

issPettigrewcameoutlookingembarrassed.“Iunderstand,”saidMissPettigrew,“thatyoungpeoplealways

prefertheirfarewellstobeinprivate.”“Youmakeanidealchaperone,”saidMissLaFosse.“I’lldoasmuchfor

you.”“Now,”saidMissPettigrew,“itisverylate.Ithinkyouhadbettergetstraight

tobedandgetagoodnight’ssleep.”“Ohno,”pleadedMissLaFosse.“I’mnotabittired.Dolet’ssitandhavea

littlechat.Menareallrightintheirplace,butIdolikeanicefemininegossip.”“Strangetosay,”saidMissPettigrewhappily,“I’mnotatalltiredmyself.”Theysatinfrontofthefire.“Soyou’rereallygoingtomarryMichael,”saidMissPettigrewcontentedly.“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ican’ttellyouhowgladIam,”saidMissPettigrewearnestly.“Itsetsmy

mindatrest.”“Wereyouasworriedasallthat?”askedMissLaFosse.“Iwas,”saidMissPettigrew.“IknewthatintheendNickwouldleaveyou

unhappy.Iknowthatitisveryeasyforanoutsidertoadviseandverydifferentwhenitisyourselfsufferingthepangsoflove,buttherearetimesinthislifewhenallisnotworthlosingforlove.”

“You’requiteright,”saidMissLaFossesoberly.“ButwithoutyouIwouldneverhavebeenfree.Itwasnouse.TheminuteNicksaid‘Come’Ihadtogo.”

Bothwomenweresilentamoment.Eachwasseeinginhermind’seyeNickslowlydisappearingfromtheroom,withhisdarkhead,hisbrilliantblackeyes,hisbittertongue,hiscompellingglances,hiswickedlittleblackmoustache,hislithe,felinebody.Nickhadlostthisonce,buthewouldstillcarryonhisconqueringways,stillbringjoyandsorrowtootherwomen.MissLaFossewouldalwayshatehersuccessors.MissPettigrewgavehimalastregretfultribute.Wickedhemightbe,butfascinatingheundoubtedlywas.

“Somemenarelikethat,”agreedMissPettigrew.

“Somemenarelikethat,”agreedMissPettigrew.“Yes,”saidMissLaFosseinalowvoice.“Nickwas.”MissPettigrewleanedforwardandcaughtMissLaFosse’shand.“Butnotnow,”pleadedMissPettigrewurgently.“Promisemenotnow.It

doesn’tmatterwhetherhecomesandgoesdownonhisknees,promisemeyouwon’tgobacktohim.”

ThedoorclosedfirmlyonthewraithofNick.“Neveragain,”promisedMissLaFosseearnestly.“Itwasjustasyousaid.

WhenMichaelstoodtoweringoverhim,IfeltasurgeofprideinMichael.WhenNicksprangtohisfeetinafury,IfeltasurgeofprideinNick.Andthen…whenhehesitated…Idon’tknow.Somethingjustwent‘click’insideme,andIsawthathewasalljust…justice-cream.Andhemeltedaway.Justlikethat.Hecouldn’tgetmebacknowifhetried.”

“Therelief!”sighedMissPettigrew.“Ican’tdescribeit.”“Suchaday!”saidMissLaFosse.“Everythingwentwrongandeverything

wentright.ButIdaren’tthinkwhatwouldhavehappenedifyouhadn’tcome.”“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrew.“Ohdear!”Sherememberedsuddenly.ShehadnotyettoldMissLaFossewhyshehad

come.Shehadbeenwickedlyremissaboutituptonow,butshecouldnotsleepincomfortunlessherconfessionwasmade.Thetimehadcome.Shecouldevadeitnolonger.

“ThereissomethingImusttellyou,”saidMissPettigrewinastrainedvoice.“Yes,”saidMissLaFosseexpectantly.“It’swhyIdidcomehere,”saidMissPettigrewbravely.“Ihavetriedtotell

youonceortwice,butyoualwaysinterrupted.”“Ididn’twanttohear,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ittakesawaythefun,knowing

aboutpeople.Supposeyouhadcomesellingvacuumcleaners,whatananticlimax!Whocouldbethrilledoveravacuumsalesman?Youaren’t,areyou?”

“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“Butyoumustlistennow.”“I’mquitewillingnow,”saidMissLaFosse.“I’mreallyveryinterested.

ThereIwas,inthemostdesperateofstraits,andbang,outoftheblueamiracle-workerappearedandpulledmeoutofthefire.”

“Iamagoverness,”saidMissPettigrew.“IcameinanswertoyourinquiryatMissHolt’sRegistryOfficeforagoverness.”

Itwasoutatlast.Shelookedaway.Shesatinhertruecolours,asupplicantforMissLaFosse’spatronage.

“Myinquiry?”askedMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewnodded.

MissPettigrewnodded.“MissHoltgavemeyouraddress.”“Oh!”saidMissLaFossewithanexpressionlessface.Therewasapause.“Wouldyoulikeittobeaboyoragirl?”askedMissLaFosse.“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrewnervously.“Imightnamethewrongsex.But

there!Isupposeweallhavepreferences.ImustconfessIfindlittlegirlsrathermoreeasytodealwith.”

“Wouldyoumindifthereweretwo?”askedMissLaFosse.“Oneofeach.”MissPettigrew’sheadspranground.ShestaredatMissLaFosseindismay,

thenlookedawayhastily.“Notatall,notatall,”saidMissPettigrewhurriedly.“Ihavehadtwobefore

quitefrequently.”MissLaFosseexplodedintoapealoflaughter.“Yousolemndarling!Don’tgetalarmed.Iwasonlyteasing.Ihaven’tany.”“Nochildren?”“Nochildren.Notevenaverylittleone.”“Ohdear,I’msoglad!”gaspedMissPettigrewinrelief.“ButyouthoughtImighthave,”saidMissLaFossewithaslydig.MissPettigrewlookedhere,lookedthere,blushedscarlet.“Ihumblyapologize,”saidMissPettigrewinafluster.“Pleaseforgiveme.

HowcouldIthinkofsuchathing!”“Oh,quiteeasily,”saidMissLaFossewithagrin.MissPettigrewlookedreproving.“Whosearethechildrenthen?”askedMissPettigrewwithdignity.“Whichchildren?”“Yourchildren…Imean…thechildren…thegoverness…theregistryoffice,”

saidMissPettigrew,gettingconfused.“Therearen’tany.”“No…nochildren?”“Noneatall.”“But…butyourinquiry?”“Foramaid.Mymaidhasjustleft.MissHoltmusthavemuddledthe

addresses.”“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrewinaflatvoice.“Ofcourse.Therewasan

inquiryforamaidatthesametime.Irememberhermentioningit.ThenIwillbetoolatenow.Mypostwillbetaken.”

“Well,”saidMissLaFossecautiously,“Ihope,formysake,itis.”“Yoursake?”

“Yoursake?”“Ihaveapropositiontomake,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ihesitatetomakeit.I

knowyouarealady.Youwillnotbeoffended?”“Withyou,never,”saidMissPettigrew,secretlyinaflutter.“Yousee,”explainedMissLaFosse,“MichaelandIaregettingmarried.

Quitesoon.ButMichaelhasakink.Hewillliveinabighousewithbigrooms.Hesayshespentallhisyouthwithafamilyofnineallcoopedinalittleflatwiththewallsclosinginonhimandneveraroomtohimself,andHeWillHaveSpace.Hehashiseyeonabeautifulhousenow,butitisimmense.Wearebothtolivethere.Ican’tlookafterhouses.Iknownothingaboutlookingafterhouses.Ishallbeawayatrehearsalstoo.Iamdistracted.Doyou…couldyoupossiblygiveupyourpresentcareerandcometolivewithusandlookaftermyhouseforme?”

“Me?”whisperedMissPettigrewungrammatically.“Me…cometolivewithyouandMichael?”

“Iwouldn’tinterfere,”promisedMissLaFosse.“Iassureyou.Youcouldrunitjustasyouthoughtright.Therewillbemaids,ofcourse.Ihesitatetoaskyoutotakeonsuchwork,butitwouldbesomarvellousforme.IadmitI’mselfish.ButIcanseeitperfectly.Myhouserunsmoothly.Michael’smealsalwaysontime.Youaperfecthostessatmyparties,sothatforonceIcouldenjoymyselfasaguestatmyownpartieswithoutafrenzyofagitation,andknowingthateverythingwillbeabsolutelyright.Dopleaseconsiderit.Youneednotdecideatonce.”

MissPettigrewbegantotremble.Itwaslikeagreatlightburstingwitharadiancethatspreadandspread.Itwasfeargoneforever.Itwaspeaceatlast.Ahousetorunalmostherown.Howshehadlongedforthat!Marketing,ordering,likeanyotherhousewife.Nomorefrightening,horriblechildrenandtheirterrifyingmothers.Flowerstoputinroomsexactlyasshewantedthem.Shecouldtryherhandatcookingagain.Toreachforty,andnever,sinceshehadlefthomeasagirl,reallytohavecookedanythingproperly!Lonelinessbanished.Ohblessed,blessedthought!Itwasunbelievable.Itwasheavencometoearth.Itwasrest.Itwasrestatlast.

Suddenlyshebegantocry.Shebentherheadandwept.MissLaFossehastilyputherarmaroundher.

“Oh,Guinevere!”saidMissLaFosse.AfterawhileMissPettigrewdriedhereyes.Hernosewasalittlepinkand

herlidsalittlered,buthereyeswereshining,herfacealight.MissPettigrewlookedatMissLaFosse.“Youknowperfectlywell,”saidMissPettigrew,“thatyouaredoingmea

“Youknowperfectlywell,”saidMissPettigrew,“thatyouaredoingmeafavour,notyourself.Iamaverypoorgoverness.Iamaverybadgoverness.Ihateit.Iloatheit.It’sbeenadeadlyweightallmylife.Ican’tmanagechildren.Igrowmoreafraidofthemeveryyear.Eachpostwasworsethanthelast.Everyonewascheaper.Iwasreallyonlyanursemaidinmylast.Iamgettingolder.Soonnoteventhecheaponeswillemployme.Therewasnothingformebuttheworkhouse,andnowyouoffermeahome.Ican’tthankyou.Idon’tknowhow.I’mnotverygoodwithwords.ButI’lllookafteryourhousefrombasementtoatticsandyou’llneverregretit.”

“Now,Guinevere,youmustn’tworktoohard,”admonishedMissLaFosse.“Iinsist,”saidMissPettigrewradiantly.“Ican’thaveyouknockingyourselfup.”“Workyoulikeisapleasure.”“ThenIwon’thaveyoupleasingyourselftoomuch.”“Imusthavethingsdoneproperlyornotatall.”“Youcantellthemaidstodothem.”“Andhavethemputblueflowersinagreenroomandbreakthebestvases

andputdampsheetsonthebeds!Certainlynot.”“Youcantellthemiftheydon’tdothingsproperlytheymustleave.”“Ishallbetheretoseethattheydodothingsproperly.”“Youcan’tmakeyourselfilltryingtobeeverywhereatthesametime.I

won’thaveit.”“Areyou,”askedMissPettigrewindignantly,“oramIrunningthishouse?”“You,”saidMissLaFossemeekly.“Thankyou.”“Notatall.”Thequestionwassettled.MissPettigrew’sfacesuddenlyclouded.Shelookedapprehensive.“WhataboutMichael?”askedMissPettigrewnervously.“ItwasMichael’sidea,”reassuredMissLaFosseearnestly.“Hesaysyouare

hismascotandhedoesn’twanttoloseyounow.Hesaysevenifhedoesmarryme,hestillwantsacomfortablehomeandI’marottenhousekeeper.”

“Howgoodyoubothare!”saidMissPettigrewwithradianthappiness.“Heflattersme.Iwillbeanoviceatfirst,butIwillputmyheartandsoulintoit.Iwilllearn.Youneednotfear.Ihavecastoutfear.Iamanewwoman.”

AbruptlysheleanedtowardsMissLaFosseandsaidbreathlessly,intensely,“Doyoulikeme?”

“Likeyou?”repeatedMissLaFosseinsurprise.“OfcourseIlikeyou.”

“Likeyou?”repeatedMissLaFosseinsurprise.“OfcourseIlikeyou.”“Imeanreallyandtruly.Notjustpolitelybecause;outhinkIhelpedyoua

little.Doyoureallyandtrulylikeme?”“Ithink,”saidMissLaFossegently,“IlikeyoumorethanIhaveeverlikeda

womaninmylifebefore.”“Doyouthinkamancouldlikeme?”“IfIwerehisage,”saidMissLaFossedemurely,“andyouwereyours,I’d

falllikeatonofbricks.ItwasJoeonthe‘phonejustnow.He’scomingroundtomorrow.”

MissPettigrewstoodup.Herfigureexpanded.Hereyesshone.“Ithink,”saidMissPettigrew,“Ihaveabeauatlast.”

THEEND

miss pettigrew lives for a day

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