gts -top talent leadership program · nlp meta model •deletion –being selective about...

GTS - Top Talentleadership program

Coaching team – Limiting BeliefsPresented by Andi Roberts

Goals for the session

•Explore limiting beliefs•Source•Recognising•Shifting

•Resetting limiting beliefs

Write down 3 or 4 limiting beliefs you may have

Henry Ford

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't –

you're right”

Limiting

Empowering

BELIEFS

How do limiting beliefs help / hinder us?

BeliefsWords à Thoughts à Beliefs à Mindset à Actions à Results

Performance equation

Performance = Potential Interference-Outer

Inner

[Tim Gallwey – Inner Game]

Sources of beliefs

Tradition

Evidence

Authority

Association

Revelation

Catagories of beliefs

SELF I am able to take on this new projectI am incapable of taking on this new project

OTHERS Others value my and my ideasPeople generally are disloyal and hurtful

WORLD The world is my oysterThe world is dangerous and unforgiving

FUTURE It is bright and full of opportunitiesThere is no hope – things will never change

How do limiting beliefs show up?

NLP Meta Model

• Deletion – being selective about experiences and choosing to omit certain information, so part of the meaning is deleted, eg saying a project is going well because the milestones have been met, butomitting to say that the costs have escalated and the project is now over budget.

• Distortion – creating, from other people’s words or actions, a meaning which may not necessarily be true or which may be based on minimal evidence, eg someone in the office laughing and you believe they are laughing at you; or your partner buying you flowers and you believing this means they love you.

• Generalization – believing something to be universally true based on limited experience. If you generalize incorrectly the overall meaning may be missed. With generalizations you unconsciously develop rules and beliefs which may be true or untrue. Words often used include: all, never, every, always. Eg: ‘I know I always upset someone at team meetings’.

Beware the modal operators

• Modal operators of possibility – as in I can’t . The modal operator of possibility refers to what you consider to be possible or not.

• Modal operators of necessity – as in I have to , I should . The modal operator of necessity refers to what you think is necessary for you to do.

• Universal quantifiers – as in everything, everybody, always, never quantifier is a statement that you hold to be universally true.

An endless opportunity to explore beliefs…

• Mind-Reading - They don’t like me.• Lost Performative - It’s bad to be inconsistent• Cause and Effect - You make me stressed• Complex equivalence - now my client stopped the contract. I’ll be bankrupt by the end of the

year!• Presuppositions - If my client new how much I get stressed in our meetings, he wouldn't act that

way• Modal Operators of Necessity - I have to be on call 24 hours for this client• Modal Operators of Possibility - I can’t tell him the truth• Nominalisations - There is no communication here• Deletions - Andi hurt me• Comparative Deletions - Andi is a better sales professional• Unspecified Verb - He rejected me

So how would you deal with these?

Change the response to the worlds

Event =Response Outcome+[Jack Canfield]

Success equation

Event =Response Outcome+[Jack Canfield]

Requires raised awareness!

Help them change their inner story

• Reinforce that they are the editors of their own life stories

• Help them realise where their story diverges from reality

• Ask them if their story really is true or a false truth

• Reinforce self appreciation versus self deprecation

• Support the creation of new stories

Three approaches

NLPSolutions focused

CLEAN language

NLP (Bandler & Grinder)

Play back Challenge Future Shifts

Client: “This will be impossible to deliver on time”Coach: So you think delivery in time is impossible?Coach: Completely impossible?Coach: If you could get this done on time what would be three benefits?Coach: What three things would help get it delivered on time?

Invite to chose focus area to continue discussion

Clean language (David Grove)

• Listen attentively & don’t lead (unpick their language / view)• Keep your opinions and advice to yourself as far as possible• Ask Clean Language questions to explore a person's metaphors (or

everyday statements)• Listen to the answers and then ask more Clean Language questions

about what the other person has said.Focus on the good stuff when it appears• Ask the questions about the positive aspects of a person's

experience.• Ask about the things that the person wants (more of).• Focus on the positives.

Clean Language (David Grove)• Clarify PRO

• Problem• Remedy• Desired Outcome

• P à and when X happens, what would you like to have happen

• R à And when you X, then what happens?

• 0 àAnd when X, what kind of X?

Developing Questions• What kind of X (is that X)?• Is there anything else about X?• Where is X? or (And) whereabouts is X?• Is there a relationship between X and Y?• When X, what happens to Y?• That’s X like what?Sequence and Source• Then what happens?• What happens just before X?• Where could X come from?Intention Questions• What would X like to have happen?• What needs to happen for X?• Can X (happen)?

Solutions focused (de Shazer & Berg)

• Past success – tap into previous positive• Resources – What inner & outer resources do they have at present• Miracle question - if issue removed, what would be different?• Scaling questions – where on journey? How X right now?• Baby steps – Small changes forward

• OSKAR• Outcome• Scaling• Know-How• Affirm & Action• Review

Questions

CLARLIFYING

• How do you picture this limiting belief in your head?

• How do you imagine it in your minds-eye?

• What does this belief look like specifically?

• What does it sound like?

• What does it feel like?

• What does it smell like?

• What does it taste like?

• How did you come to form this particular belief?

• What has made you hold onto this belief for so long?

• What kind of references support this belief?

• What knowledge supports this belief?

• What life experiences support this belief?

• What intense emotional experiences support this belief?

• How have you held onto this belief in your imagination over the years?

• What specific things have you imagined? What stories have you concocted?

• How are you deriving pleasure by holding onto this belief?

• What good intention does this belief provide you with?

• What value are you gaining by holding onto this belief?

Play time

Small GroupsOne person shares a limiting belief

Partners in the room use different approaches to help start to unlockPBC – Provide some context / Coaches don’t need full on coach session a la GROW

Rotate so ALL share 1 belief!

Play time

What did you notice?

Space to reset beliefs

Change your response

Event =Response Outcome+[Jack Canfield]

pressurised

overwhelmed

fear of failure

fear of rejection

fear of success

desperateworried

anxious

bored

guilty

disappointed

embarrassedangry

hurt

confused

frustrated

disillusionedstupid

confident

determined

curious

stimulated

fascinated

passionateoutrageous

energised

unstoppable

excited

flexible

vitalappreciated

enthusiastic

loved

successful

funnyexpectant

What state are we in?

pressurised

overwhelmed

fear of failure

fear of rejection

fear of success

desperateworried

anxious

bored

guilty

disappointed

embarrassedangry

hurt

confused

frustrated

disillusionedstupid

confident

determined

curious

stimulated

fascinated

passionateoutrageous

energised

unstoppable

excited

flexible

vitalappreciated

enthusiastic

loved

successful

funnyexpectant

What state are we in?

Is it a choice?

Iceberg

State

Belief

1 10

Behaviour

Results

“A belief is a feeling of certainty.”

Anthony Robbins

The self-fulfilling prophecy.

Your belief in your potential will largely determine the quality and quantity of action you take, which subsequently influences results.

Play from a 10!

• Access the most appropriate resourceful state for the situation you are in – so that you can perform at your best.

• Why? Because your state affects your response to any event, and has a major influence on the outcome to that event. What matters is not so much your ability, as your ability to access your ability.

Play from a 10!

• Access the most appropriate resourceful state for the situation you are in – so that you can perform at your best.

• Why? Because your state affects your response to any event, and has a major influence on the outcome to that event. What matters is not so much your ability, as your ability to access your ability.

• Play from a 10 means accessing your most powerful state in order to limit or defeat limiting beliefs.

• How can you play regularly from a 10? What may stop you and how can you access your most positive state?

SmileOmeter

• Energised or drained?

• Does this action/step create “smile on”?

• The benefit of using the SmileOmeter is twofold.

• 1. It trains us to climb back into our bodies and notice. Ultimate energy awareness raiser.

• 2. Navigates us to more of what we want.

DrainedStruggleResistSmile off

EnergisedFlow

AttractSmile on

SmileOmeter

• Energised or drained?• Does this action/step create “smile on”?• The benefit of using the SmileOmeter is

twofold. • 1. It trains us to climb back into our bodies and

notice. Ultimate energy awareness raiser. • 2. Navigates us to more of what we want.

• Where is your smile at today / this week?• What can you do to shift it?• What could you do to be more aware of your

"smile on"?

DrainedStruggleResistSmile off

EnergisedFlow

AttractSmile on

Energy drains –our tolerances

Energy drains –our tolerances

• Read the following: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbeshumanresourcescouncil/2018/01/12/what-are-you-tolerating-one-question-to-ask-yourself-for-a-successful-new-year/#5d7fd9772fd0

• THEN read: • https://www.thebestyou.co/what-are-

you-tolerating-right-now/

• Reflect on what are your big / low hole tolerations and discuss with your partner

Circle of control

Control

Influence

Concern

[S Covey]

Circle of control

Control

Influence

Concern

Influence

Concern

Influence

Concern[S Covey]

PROACTIVE

REACTIVE

Reflections

?