chap 8
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Chapter Eight Enhancing Relationships
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Chapter #8 Enhancing Relationships
Stages of relational escalation
Stages of relational de-escalation
Interpersonal conflict styles
PUGSS Model of conflict
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Stages of Relational Development
• Five Stages of Relational Escalation
• Five Stages of Relational De-Escalation
• Most often applied to romantic relationship but can be applied to friends, family, or colleagues
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Elevator Model
Floors can be skipped
Floors can be revisited
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Relational Escalation
Intimacy Intensification Exploration Initiation Pre-
Interaction Awareness
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Pre-Interaction Awareness Aware of attraction
Start observation
Talk with others about that person
No direct interaction yet
Note: You may never move to the next floor if your impressions of the person are not favorable
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Initiation Stage Initiate contact directly
First date type questions and answers Nonverbal behavior will indicate
interest
Trying to find common ground
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Exploration Stage Share more in depth info
Minimal physical contact
Limit amount of time spent together
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Intensification Partners begin to depend on each other for
confirmation of self-concept
More time spent together
More intimate physical distance and contact
Personalize language
Increase breadth and depth
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Intimacy Partners provide primary confirmation of
each other’s self-concept
Highly personalized verbal language
Great deal of physical contact Understand each other without words
Know anything and everything about each other
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Relational De-Escalation
Turmoil Stagnation De-
Intensification Individualization Separation Post-Interaction
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Turmoil Stage Increase conflict Find faults with each other Relationship loses clarity
Interactions are difficult and forced
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Stagnation Stage Take each other for granted
Communication and physical contact between partners decreases
Spend less time together
Don’t necessarily engage in conflict
Go through the motions without joy
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De-intensification Stage Significantly decreased interaction
Increased physical emotional and psychological distance
Decreased dependence on each other
May discuss definition of relationship Hard to move back to intimacy at this point
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Individualization Stage Define their lives as individuals
Don’t view the other as partner anymore
Interaction limited
Changes from we to you and me
Physical intimacy all time low15
Separation Stage Intentional decision to eliminate
further interaction
Divide property/resources/friends
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Post-interaction Stage Lasting effects of the relationship
Baggage
Public statement for people who ask why we broke up
Sense of self gets battered work hard to regain a healthy sense of self
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Assessing Your Learning
Selena and Paulina are exchanging routine information about their hometowns, music preferences, and mutual acquaintances. This reflects which stage of relational development?• A.) Pre-interaction• B.) Initiation• C.) Exploration• D.) Intensification
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Power and RelationshipsComplementary One up, one down One partner always has the power
Symmetrical Both up, both down Both partners compete to have power or to
relinquish power
Parallel Give and take Alternates between partners depending on who is
better equipped
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Styles of Conflict
Non-confrontational style Avoid conflict / give in
Confrontational style Win-lose approach / seek to always
win
Cooperative style Win-win climate
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PUGSS Conflict Model
P = Problem: Describe It
U = Understanding: Achieve It
G = Goals: Identify Them
S = Solutions: Brainstorm
S = Solution: Select the Best One
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PUGSS Model Guidebook Page 48
Describe the problem Descriptive VS evaluative language (self-disclosure)
Achieve mutual understanding Paraphrase or ask questions
Identify goals What you want and your partner wants
Brainstorm possible solutions Don’t evaluate and list all possible options
Select best solution Compromise, work to meet part of both goals
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Assessing Your Learning Matt is on the “fast track” at work and receives
a promotion every year. He spends little time with his wife Katie. Katie’s career is equally demanding of her time, however she finds time to spend with her husband. She is upset that he doesn’t find time to spend with her. After discussing the issue with Matt, she asks him to paraphrase what she has said to see if he can see her perspective.
What stage in PUGSS are they working through?
A. Identifying the ProblemB. Achieving Understanding C. Identifying GoalsD. Brainstorming Solutions
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Important TEST MATERIAL Read 43-48
Page 49 bold vocabulary very important
Become familiar with PUGSS using case studies
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