behaving so children behave

Behaving so children

behave

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Leader - follower

• One leader• Rest are followers• Leader does• Followers have to try and follow the leader as accurately as possible• Leaders responsibility that followers are able to follow

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What do I do?

NO matter what

happens be

relaxed.

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Why am I ….RELAX

Everything is Fine/perfect/ok I am prepared We are capable (kids and u)

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What is Discipline?

Adult

Child

Child

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You see a Boy hitting a dog

The dog was trying to bite the boy's little sister

Intention Window

Behaviour Window

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Understanding Window

Every Behaviour has a

positive Intention

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Similarities Connection Understanding Accepting Solution Questioning

Intention Window

Behaviour Window

Dissimilarity Disconnection Reactive Blaming Problem Lecturing,

Preaching

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Acceptance Triangle

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Window?

1. Child running down supermarket

2. Child cheating in a exam

3. Child teasing others

4. Child throwing down the balcony

5. Child eating another child's tiffin

6. Child telling lies

7. Child not keeping things in place

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Nature

“Stay”

Go with their

natural flow

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Empower

Don’t tell them

‘how’, tell them WHAT

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PREPARE

Children live up to expectati

ons

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Children who like themselves like to behave

themselves

State of mind

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Where is the star in my apple?

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FLEXIBILITY

If I’m always doing the same thing; I’m likely to get

the same resultIf I want something different I must do

something different, and keep varying my behaviour

until I get the result that you want

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Understanding

The child is using the best choice available to

her.

Understand her to be understood

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How will you respond

1. Rahul has put all the paint on the floor2. Neha keeps pinching others3. Children from your group are screaming

outside another class.4. Prashant has scribbled all over his desk 5. Tarini is not very careful about her things and

today her water bottle is lying on the floor.6. Two strong boys are physically bullying a

relatively smaller boy.

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How you want others to respond

You often forget to close the tap.Today you forgot to close the tap.

What would you like others to do or say?

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Cooperation Strategies

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1 Focus on the problem(not the problem creator)

Reactive strategy

Describe The Problem• “Paint is on the floor”• Your water bootle is feeling left out”

Give Information• “There is another class working here; The

noise is disturbing them” Say it with a word or Non-Verbal

• Shhhhh• “Bottle” or “paper”

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2 Focus on the solution – (not the problem)

Pro-active strategy Offer Choices

• “We can either wait here quietly or go back to our class and play”

• You want to write on paper or on the board

Put it in Writing

We ensure NOBODY is physically or emotionally hurt

We take CARE of each other.

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3 Choices

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was Punishment effective?

Think of an incident when you have used punishment and why you feel

it was justified?

Did the punishment serve the purpose? How?

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Is Punishment effective?

Punishment can control behaviour, but by itself it will not teach desirable behaviour or even reduce the desire to misbehave

Punishment shifts the focus from the misbehaviour to the punishment itself. Child learns how to avoid punishment next time, or feel bad about himself or hate the punisher. He does not learn how to behave next time.

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Punishment - Last resort

Belief Too few options Come too soon

NO RESORT Then what?

Alternatives to

Punishment

As long as you believe that the problem is out there it will

never get solved

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Private Victories Precede public victoriesHumko man ki shakti dena man vijay karen

dusro ki jai se pehla khod ko jai kare

If you are MADDoes that give you a right to be rude

or hurtful to others?

Find Outlets:Stress / Anger / Frustration

DEAL WITH IT

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Misbehaviour is just a symptom

Character State (of mind )Deficiency Deficiency

Behaviour depends on STATE of MIND Sometimes

YOUR state

“I want to be a

trouble today”Co-Creator Co-Solver Too

of Problems

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Consequences

Natural ConsequencesMum is the word

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Consequences

Logical Consequences•Upstate & Prepare•Related•Follow through (consistency)“Do not use logical Consequences as threats”

Shift from TEACH a lesson to LEARN a lesson

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Don’t put blocks, Show way

1. Express your Feelingsfollowed by …..

2. State ExpectationsClearly

3. Give Alternatives• Stop Start• Seek Help

Also, Give a chance to amend

If all your problems look like nails to

you, chances

are that all you will use is a

hammer

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Problem Solving –for the problem not getting solved !!!

Let us do it together (create the environment with the three next steps).

STEP 1 - Acknowledge child’s feelings and needs (empathy).

STEP 2 - Express your feelings (no lecture). STEP 3 - Work together to find alternatives.

DO NOT evaluate (Writing makes it ten times more effective).

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MORE……………

STEP 4 - Together decide which idea is acceptable to both. If no idea come then

• The process of three steps solve the problem.• Or will come back later• Or try any one idea - even if not acceptable by

both.

ONLY if you have decided on a specific ACTION PLAN then ……….

STEP 5 - Final action plan. Be specific (time, follow up etc)

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When agreements are broken

LEVEL 1 – Invisible action (eg: call the person next to the student)

LEVEL 2 – Handle the problem (eg: admonish the object of

distraction)

LEVEL 3 - Remind student responsibility (keep it simple,

friendly and eye contact (eg: You are responsible, we can finish

faster if you keep your hands to your work)

LEVEL 4 – Safety Jeopardized - keep it private - but be firm

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When a problem occurs

Get centered. Take a breath. Anticipate a

positive outcome

No confrontation – minimum fanfare - no win

- no nailing – get energy off distraction –

focus back on learning

State the facts – leave the judgements

Check the intentions – deal with them fast

Don’t gun for a 100% perfect classroom.

Gun for a student managed classroom

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Children will forget what you said;

Children will forget what you did;

But they will not forget how you made them feel.