accidentally expecting
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TRANSCRIPT
MICHELLECELMER
AccidentallyExpecting
Contents
Chapter1Chapter2Chapter3Chapter4Chapter5Chapter6Chapter7Chapter8Chapter9Chapter10Chapter11Chapter12Chapter13Chapter14Chapter15
Chapter1
Marriedtoabully?Haveyouhadenough?Emotionalabuseleavesnobruises,breaksnobones,stillthedamagerunsdeep.Thinkit’simpossibletoprove?Thinkagain.Ataperecorder
orhiddencameracanbeagirl’sbestfriend.—excerptfromTheModernWoman’sGuidetoDivorce(andthejoysofstayingsingle)
Shewasgoingtoseducehim.MirandaReedsatintheshadowsatthebackofthehotellounge,sippingherapplemartini,
eyesonherprey.Hesataloneatthebar,hisattentiononthefootballgame,unawarethathewasbeingwatched.Hissuitjacketlaydrapedonthebarstoolbesidehim,andhe’drolledthesleevesofhisshirtandloosenedhistie.Eveninthiscasual,relaxedstatehestoodoutfromtheotherbusinessmen.Everythingabouthimwasslightlyandsubtlyexaggerated.
Atsix-two,ZackaryJamesonstoodahairtallerthanmostmen,withaphysiquetonedtoperfection,dressedinasuitandshirtthatwereobviouslytailor-madetoaccentuateeveryoneofhisassets.Shewasespeciallyimpressedbythe“asset”restingonthebarstool.
Shedidsoappreciateamanwithanicerearend.Hesomehowmanagedaperpetualtan,withouteverlookingleatheryorsunbaked,andany
signsofageonhisfacemadehimlookmoredistinguishedthanold.Hisshortdarkhairhadthatsexy,mussedlook,asifhe’djustrunhishandsthroughitwet,butinrealityprobablytookhoursinfrontofamirrortoperfect.Hismouthwaswide,hissmilewarmandgenuine,andhisteethjustwhiteandstraightenough.Caps,shewasguessing.Noonehadteeththatperfectnaturally.
Hecarriedhimselfwithcasualauthority,aneaseandmalegracethatmadepeoplestopandwatch.She’dnevermetamanwhoradiatedsuchconfidence,whowasmorecomfortableinhisownskin.
Toobadhewasanoveropinionatedmalechauvinistpigwhoseideologiesfelloutoffashionwithcoveredwagonsandhoopskirts.
Whenaskedtodotheradioshowwiththerenownedrelationshipguru,amanwhohadbuiltanempirearoundtheprinciplesoftraditionalfamilyvalues,herpublicistassuredherthepromotionforthebookshecowrote,TheModernWoman’sGuidetoDivorce(andthejoysofstayingsingle),wouldbeinvaluable.
Bigmistake.He’darguedsologicallyandtwistedherwordssoskillfullythatbytheendoftheshowher
messagehadbeenlostandshe’dcomeoutlookinglikearadicalfeministmanhater.Shecouldn’tforgetthewayhe’dwatchedherwiththosepiercingblueeyes,eyesdeep
enoughtoswimin,withnotahintofthesuperiorityandsatisfactionhemusthavebeenfeelingfordiscreditingher.Infact,asshe’dbecomeangrierandmoreaggressive,he’dstayedcalmandreasonable,thedrivelhepreachedpouringoutofhim,smotheringhereverypointlikehotfudgeovercoldvanillaicecream.
Callitpettyanduncivilized,butshewasinthemoodforsomegoodold-fashionedrevenge.Evenifshewouldbetheonlyonewhoknew.
Shewasgoingtoputhishighidealstothetestandseeifhereallybelievedallthatgarbagehespoutedaboutmarriageandfamily.Specifically,hisviewsonintimacy.Theslightlyupdatedversionofnosexbeforemarriage.Theideathatamanandawomanshouldbecommitted,preferablywithplansofmarriage,
beforeconsummatingarelationship.Theywouldjustseeaboutthat.Mirandawatchedasthewaitressdeliveredthedrinkshehadorderedhim,sawthelookof
curiosityonhisface.Thewaitresspointedinherdirection,andwhenheturned,shepastedonanalluringsmileandwaggledherfingersathim.Oneofthoseheart-stoppinggrinscurledthecornersofhismouthwhenherecognizedher.
Hetossedafewbillsonthewaitress’stray—amanlikehimwouldofcoursebeageneroustipper—grabbedhisjacketanddrinkandheadedtohertable,hiseyesneverleavingherface.She’dwornherhairdownandletitfallinsilkywavesoverhershoulders,itsdarkcolorbringingoutthegreeninhereyes.Itwasalittleunnervingthewayhestaredwithsuchintensity,asiftheworldaroundthemnolongerexisted.Ashedrewclosersheevenfeltalittlebreathless,asifhe’dsuckedalltheairfromtheroomandtherewasnoneleftforher.
Thisnightcoulddefinitelyprovetobesatisfying,inmorewaysthanone.“Mr.Jameson,”shesaidashestoppedbesidethetable.“Ms.Reed,”hereplied,withanaffabletipofhishead.HehadthevoiceofaradioDJ—
deepandmesmerizing.Avoicethatheldcaptiveauditoriumsfullofhisloyalsupportersforhoursonend.“MayIjoinyou?”
Shegesturedtotheemptyseat,takingcaretomakethemovelookasgracefullyseductiveaspossible.Iftherewasonethingshe’dlearnedonherjourneytobecomingamodern,independentwoman,itwashowtoseduceaman.“Please.”
Hesethisdrinkonthetableandhunghisjacketonthebackofthechairbeforeheslidintotheseat,casualyetsocontrolled,asifhethoroughlyplannedeachandeverymovebeforeexecutingit.“AreyouenjoyingyourstayinNewYork?”
“It’sbeen…interesting.”Nottomentionfrustratingandhumiliating.“Betweenthebooksigningsandtheinterviewsit’sbeenanexhaustingcoupleofdays.I’mlookingforwardtogettingbacktoDallas.”
“Ihadhopedtohavetimetospeakwithyouafterthebroadcast.”“Soyoucouldrubthevictoryinmyfacemaybe?”sheasked,keepinghertonesweet.Hesmiled.“No,soIcouldtellyouwhatapleasureitwastomeetyou.Ienjoyedour
discussion.Iwasimpressed.”Sheshothimadisbelievinglook.“Couldhavefooledme.”Hejustsmiled.“Doyoustillpracticelaw?”“Notrecently,no.Thebookseemstohavedominatedmylife.”“Itakeyou’renotalitigator.”“Gee,whattippedyouoff?”Herelaxedbackinhisseatandsippedhisdrink,studyingherforalongmoment.“Icould
tellyouexactlywhatyoudidwrongduringthatinterview.Howyoulostcontrol.”Shefoldedherarmsandleanedforward,restingthemonthetable,givinghimaniceview
ofhercleavage,thankstohervery-low-cut,scoopnecksilkblouse.“Thisshouldbegood.”Hiseyesdidn’tstrayfromherface.“Youattackedme.Youspentallofyourtimetryingto
convincemethatyourwayisbetter.Thatyouropinionsholdmorecredibility.”“Isn’tthatexactlywhatyoudo?”“Quitetheopposite.Ineveroncesaidthatwhatyoubelieveiswrong.”Sheopenedhermouthtoargue,thenpaused,tryingtorememberasinglethinghe’dsaidto
debunkher.Butdamnedifhewasn’tright.Notoncehadhedirectlychallengedheropinionor
disagreedwithher.Whileshe’dbeenquicktoaccusehimofbeingold-fashionedandclosed-mindedhe’dsimplystatedhispointofviewlogicallyandcalmly.
Shehadn’tlostcontrol.She’dneverhadit.“Itisnotmygoalorintentiontopersuadepeopletoliveacardboard-cut-outlifestyle,”he
said.Sheletoutaveryuncouth,unsexysnortofdisbelief.“Thatisexactlyyourgoal.”“Idisagree.”Hewassodamnedcalmandrational.Itwasasannoyingasitwasfascinating.
“WhatIdoisgivepeopleoptions.Averybasicprincipleoffamilydynamics.Whethertheychoosetoadoptthatlifestyle,orhowtheyintegrateitintotheirownlives,inwholeorpart,isentirelyuptotheindividual.”
Asmuchasshehatedadmittingshewaswrong,andhatedbeingwrongevenmore,inhisbooks,whichshe’dgrudginglyskimmed,andtheseminarshe’drentedonDVD,shecouldn’trecallasingleincidentwhenhe’dsaidhiswaywastheonlyway.Maybethatwaswhatmadepeoplesoreceptivetohisideas.
Shetriedadifferentangle.“You’renotmarried.Infact,Ireadthatyou’veneverbeenmarried.”
“Notyet,”heagreed.“Whynot?”Heshrugged.“IguessIjusthaven’tmettherightwoman.”“Maybethat’sbecausethekindofwomanyou’relookingfordoesn’texist.”“Idon’tbelievethat.Everyonehasasoulmate.Ijusthaven’tmetmineyet.”“Consideringyourviewsonsexbeforemarriage,youmustleadavery…lonelyexistence.”“Ibelieveinwaitinguntiltherelationshipbecomesexclusiveandcommittedbeforesex.
AndthoughI’veneverbeenmarried,I’vebeeninseveralcommittedrelationships.”Heleanedforwardslightly,flashingheraplayful,sexylookthathadhertoescurlinginherspikedheels.“Verysatisfyingcommittedrelationships.”
Oh,boy,whowasdoingtheseducinghere?Ormaybehewasjustatease.Eitherway,shewashavingfartoomuchfun.Andhehadnoideawhohewasmessingwith.Consideringhisconservativeviewsonrelationships,shecouldonlyassumehewouldbeequallyconservativeinthebedroom.Givenherpreferencetobeincharge,thearrangementwouldworkwellforher.Maybeshecouldteachhimathingortwo.
Shesippedherdrink,lookingupathimthroughthefringeofherlashes.“Howcanamanwhohasneverbeenmarriedbeanauthorityonmarriage?”
“Doesapsychiatristhavetohaveschizophreniatotreatit?Doesadefenseattorneyhavetobeacriminaltorepresenthisclient?”
Themanhadananswerforeverything,didn’the?Yetitwasfascinatingtowatch,really,toseethewayhismindworked.Hewaspassionatewithoutbeingarrogant,staunchinhisviewsbutnotintolerantofheropinions.Italsodidn’thurtthathewasgorgeous,hadabodytodieforandamorethandecentsenseofhumor.
Astheychattedandsippedtheirdrinks,shefoundherselflulledbyhisvoice,trappedinthedepthsofhiseyes.Therewerewomenallaroundthembutheneversparedoneasingleglance.Hiseyeswereonheronly.Hissteadygazemadeherfeelasifsheweretheonlyoneintheuniverse.
Morethantwohoursandseveraldrinkslater,despitethefactthatshewasbeginningtofeelmorethanalittletipsy,theywerestillatit.Stilltalkinganddebating.Andallshecouldthinkaboutwasgettinghimuptoherroom,liberatinghimfromhisclothingandshowinghima
thingortwoaboutrealwomen.Whatwouldhislipsfeellike?Howwouldhetaste?Wouldhetakecharge,orwouldheliebackandletherbeincontrol?
Heryearningforrevengewasovershadowedbyamuchmorebasicinstinct.Goodold-fashionedsexualattraction.SheandZackmayhavehadcompletelyoppositeviewsonrelationships,buttheyalsohadchemistry.Alethalcombinationofhormones,pheromonesandtestosterone.
Shecouldtellthathefeltit,too.Thelongertheysatthere,themoreawareofeachothertheybecame.Awareanddistracted.Hiseyesbegantostraytohercleavage,theirgazeasintimateandexcitingasacaress,butpuresomehow.Hewatchedhermouthasshesippedherdrink,makingeverymovefeelslowandexaggerated.Seductiveandsexy.Whenhisfootbumpedhersunderthetable,shedidn’tdoubtthemovewasintentional.Insteadoffeelingviolated,shewantedtobecloser.Shebecameawareofherselfleaningintowardhimandsawthathewasdoingthesame.Asiftheybothfeltcompelledtobecloser.Thepullofattractionwasirresistible.
Haditnotbeenforthetablebetweenthemandthefactthattheywereinpublic,shedidn’tdoubtthattheywouldbewrappedaroundeachotherbynow.
Shelookedaroundandrealizedthebarhadnearlyemptied.Zacklookedathiswatch.“It’slate.”
“Uppastyourbedtime?”sheasked,attemptingtokeepateasingtone,sohewouldn’tseeherdisappointment.Hadshemisreadhissignals?Washenotasturnedonasshewas?Ordidhereallystickbytheno-sexrule?
“Iwasthinkingmaybeitwaspastyours.CouldIwalkyoutoyourroom?”Heflashedheranotheroneofthosesexysmiles,gaveheralookthatsaidhewantedtodoalotmorethanjustwalkhertoherroom,andshefeltazingofexcitementfromherscalpdowntothetipsofhertoesandsomeveryinterestingplacesinbetween.
Shehadhimrightwhereshewantedhim.Ordidhehaveher?“Ihadagoodtimetonight,”MirandatoldZackastheysteppedofftheelevatorontoher
floor.Whenthey’dbeenstandingsidebyside,she’dbeenevenmoreawareofhissize,hisimposingpresence.She’dalwaysconsideredherselfaverageinheight,butinthree-inchheelsshewasstillagoodfiveorsixinchesshorterthanhim.
Thegraceofhismovements,thesheermasculinity,washypnotizing.Thiswasamanwholookedgoodandheknewit.Yethemanagednottocomeoffasarrogant.
Howdidhedothat?Herhandsitchedtotouchhim,tounfastenthebuttonsofhisshirtandexploretheskin
underneath.Butshehadtoplaythisjustright.Shehadtobesubtle.He’dbeenaperfectgentlemaninthelobbyandwhiletheyrodeupthetwenty-twofloors
aloneintheelevator.Theonlyphysicalcontacthe’dmadewastogentlytouchherelbow.Notthatshe’dexpectedhimtoravageherinpublic.
Notthatitwouldn’thavebeenexcitingtoknowhewassotakenhecouldn’tresisther.“Ihadagoodtime,too,”hesaid,flashingheragrin.“It’srefreshingtohaveadiscussion
withsomeonewhodoesn’tagreewitheverythingIsay.”“You’redifferentthanIexpected.”“Whatdidyouexpect?”“Truthfully?Iexpectedyoutobeanarrogantmale-chauvinistpig.”
Hedidn’tlookoffended.Infact,hissmilewidened.“Youwouldn’tbethefirstpersontoaccusemeofthat.Iunderstandthatmyphilosophiescanbetoughtoswallowforsomepeople.”
“Ifit’sanyconsolation,Imaynotagreewithyourideas,butIdorespectthem.Itwouldbegreatiflifereallyworkedthatway.Unfortunately,Iknowbetter.”
Theyreachedherroomandsheduginherpurseforthekeycard,butherfingersdidn’tseemtobeworkingaswellasusual.Whenshefoundit,hepluckeditfromherfingersandunlockedthedoor.Hehelditopenandshesteppedintoherroom,turningtohimwitheveryintentionofinvitinghimin.Beforeshecouldgetawordout,he’dbackedherinside,shutthedoorandpulledherintohisarms.
Chapter2
Pressedupagainstthelong,warm,solidlengthofZack’sbody,Mirandahadnodoubtofhisattractionforher.Themanwasdefinitelyturnedon,andhewasapparentlybigallover.
Alampbesidethebedshedsoftlightintheroomandshecouldseethedesireinhiseyes.Herfirstinstinctwastoresist,topushhimaway.Hehadsteppedinandtakencontrolofasituationshe’dintendedtodirectandshefeltthetiniestbitapprehensive.Butherbodywouldn’tlistentoherhead.Shedidn’tknowifitwasthedrinksmakingherfuzzyorthetwohoursofverbalforeplayblurringhergoodsense,butshetrembledallover.Shecaughtthehintofasubtleandclean-scentedaftershavemixedwithsomefamiliarbrandofsoap,neitherofwhichcoveredhisownuniquemasculinescent.
Shehadn’texpectedthis.Shewastheonewhowassupposedtobeseducinghim.Shehadtodosomethingtowinbackthecontrol.“AllI’vebeenabletothinkabouttonightwastouchingyou,”herasped,caressingherface.
Themovewasgentleandfirmatthesametime.Thenhekissedher—deep,intenseanddisarming—andshewentlimpwithdesire.Hewasamanonamission.Heknewwhathewantedandwasn’tshyabouttakingit.
Howcouldsomethingsowrongfeelsogood?Whenitcametosexshewasalwaystheaggressor;shecalledtheshots.Thisallseemedtobemovingtoofast,yetshedidn’tmakeamovetostophim.
Shedidn’twanttostophim.Hekissedhermouth,herthroat,tastingandnippingherskin,asifhewantedtodevour
everyinchofher.Hebitherearlobehardenoughtomakehergaspwithsurpriseandherbodyshudderinecstasy.
Heshruggedoutofhisjacketandtosseditaside,butwhenshetriedtounbuttonhisshirthemanacledherwristsandheldthembehindher,backingheragainstthedoor.Amovelikethatwouldearnanyothermanaswiftkneejerktothecrotch,butnoothermanhadevermadeherfeelsowillingtoletgo.
Hetrappedbothofherwristsinonelargehandandusedtheothertounfastenthebuttonsonherblouse.Sheprobablycouldhavebrokenloose,butatthispointshedidn’twanttobefree.
Hepushedherblouseoffhershoulders.Itslippeddownherarmsandcaughtonherwrists.Shewasn’texactlylarge-busted,butherbreastssatfirmandhighandwerenicelyshaped.Withtheexceptionofherex-husband,whofoundfaultwitheverything,she’dneverheardasinglecomplaint.
ConsideringthewayZackwaslookingather,hewouldn’tbecomplaining,either.Hisassessingeyesburnedherskinlikehotcoals.She’dworkeddamnedhardforthisbody.
Sheknewshelookedgoodandheappearedtoagree.Heloweredhishead,bitingherthoughthelacyfabricofherbra,blowinghotbreathonher
skin.Shemoanedandarchedherback.“Idon’tdothis,”hesaid,lookingatherwithanintensitythatgaveherchills.“Idon’thave
affairswithwomenIjustmetandhardlyevenknow.”“Idon’t,either,”sheadmitted.“I’veneverwantedawomanthewayIwantyourightnow.”
Zack’swordsfilledherwithathrillingkindofsatisfaction.Butforallthewrongreasons.Reasonsthathadnothingtodowithrevenge.ThiswasallaboutwantingZack.Wantinghimtoravageher.Shewouldgosofarastosaysheneededhim,butshedidn’tneedanyone.
Hecuppedthebackofherthigh,draggingherskirtup,growlingwithpleasurewhenherealizedshewaswearingagarterbelt.Sinceherdivorcefromamanwhodidn’tthinksexyunderwearwas“appropriate,”she’dspenthundredsofdollarsonalltheracythingshehadneverletherwear.Itwasnicetomeetsomeonewhoappreciatedhertaste.
Zackletgoofherwristsandherblousefelltothefloor.Heunzippedherskirtandsmootheditdownherhips,leavingherinonlyascandalouslybriefandsheerbraandthongset,alacegarterbelt,blacksilkstockingsandspikeheels.She’dneverfeltsosexyinallherlife.
Hedroppedtohiskneesinfrontofherandnuzzledhisfaceagainstherbarestomach,hisbeardstubbleabradingherskin,makinghershiver.Everypartofherfeltalivewithsexualawarenessandheavywithlust.Henibbledherstomach,ranhistongueoverthetinygoldhoopinhernavel,grippingherhipsinhisbighands.
Hetuggedroughlyonherthongandshehearditripapartinhishands,butshewastooexcitedtocarethathe’druinedherfavoriteone.Hecouldripitallifthatwaswhathewanted,ifthatwouldexcitehimevenhalfasmuchashe’dexcitedher.
Herbodyfeltshakyandweak,andshetunneledherfingersthoughhishairtoholdherselfsteady.Herbreathwascomingfaster,heranticipationmounting,andwhenhefinallyburiedhisfacebetweenherthighsshecriedout.Herbodyarched,fingerstangledinhishair.Herkneesgaveout,buthecaughtherbeforeshecouldfallandhookedherlegoverhisshoulder.Shewasonthevergeofacataclysmicexplosion,thesparkssizzlingeverclosertotheendofherfuse.
Whenitreachedhercore,theexplosionsrockedthroughher.Itwassogood,soperfect,shewantedtocry.Inherlifenoonehadevermadeherfeelthisway.
Itscaredherhalftodeathandthrilledherbeyondbelief.Shewastoolimptoeventhinktwiceasheliftedheroffherfeetanddepositedheronthe
bed.Toosatedtodoanythingbutwatchasheundressed.Hisbodywasjustasamazingasshe’dthoughtitwouldbe.
Hekneltonthebedbesideherandpulledhershoesoffoneatatime,tossingthemtothefloor.Whenshereacheduptoundoherbra,hestoppedher.
“Keepiton.”Hiseyesrakingoverherashekneltbetweenherthighs.Hehookedhishandsaroundthebacksofherkneesandtuggedhercloser,thecoarsehaironhislegsticklingherskin.Hisactionsweredemandingandalmostoverpowering,yetsomehowmanagedtobetender.
Thenheclosedhiseyesandcursed,afour-letterwordshedidn’tthinkmenlikehimused.“What’swrong?”“Ijustrealized,Idon’thaveprotection.”Noprotection?Whatmaninthisdayandagedidn’tcarrycondoms?Thekindwhodidn’thavesexuntilhewasinacommittedrelationship,whichshewas
guessingtypicallytookmorethantwohoursandthreeScotchontherocks.Luckyforhimamodernwomanwasalwaysprepared.Shehadbeenanticipatingthis.“Inmypurse.”Hereachedoverandgrabbeditforher,andaftershedugacondomout,hetriedtotakeit
fromher.“Oh,no,”shesaid,rippingitopen.“Thisismyfavoritepart.”
Shewatchedhimwatchingher,theheatinhiseyesassherollediton.Thenshereachedupandthreadedherfingersbehindhisneck,pullinghimtoher,hiswarmweightsinkingherintothemattresswithoutsquashingher.Everypartofhimfeltwarmandstrongandsolid.
Hekissedher,thedeepsoul-searchingkind,whilehetorturedherwithsmallthrustsofhiships.Sheclungtohim,sinkinghernailsintohisshoulders,hisbackside,herbodyarchingwithimpatience.She’dneverfeltsooutofcontrol,sosweptawaywithlust.ItwasasifZackwantedtoseeherbegforit,wantedhertoknowshewascompletelyunderhiscontrol,andshewas.Shewoulddoanythinghewantedrightnow.Anythingheasked.
Itfrightenedheralmostasmuchasitturnedheron.Afterthat,everythingbecameamystifyingblurofintensesensation.Sightsandsounds
andfeelingsalljumbledtogetherintosomethingsooverpoweringshecouldn’tevennameit.Andwhentheyreachedthepeaktogether,sheknewherideaofwhatsexwassupposedtobehadbeeninexplicablychanged.
Thiswaswhatitfeltliketoreallyconnectwithanotherperson.Tobeseparate,butone.AndshecouldneverseeZacharyJamesonagain.Zacksatinhishomeofficeatthecomputer,wherehedidmostofhisworkthesedays,
attemptingtowritethesyndicatedmonthlycolumnthatwasdueontheeditor’sdeskbytheendoftheweek.Unfortunately,allhe’dbeenabletothinkaboutinthepasttwomonthssincehistriptoNewYorkwasMirandaReed.
Hewasn’ttypicallyattractedtostrong,independentwomen,andhe’dneversleptwithawomanonthefirstdate.Notsincecollege,anyway.Buttherewassomethingaboutherhe’dfoundimpossibletoresist,somethingthatpromptedhimtorejecthisownmoralsandputhisreputationontheline.
Amillionlittlethings,whichallwrappeduptogether,hadhimcravinghercompany,hertouch.
Buttheyhadagreed,despitetheirattraction,thattopursueanykindofrelationshipwouldbeawasteoftime.Notonlydidtheyliveathousandmilesfromeachother,theyhadconflictingbeliefsandvalues.Shewasn’tinterestedinacommitmentandhehadnodesireforashort-termrelationshipbasedsolelyonsex.
Whattheyhadwasanextremecaseofoppositesattract.Twopeoplewhohadnothingincommonbutgoodsex.
No,notgoodsex.Greatsex.Mind-blowingsex.Andabsolutelynofuturetogether.He’ddoneafairlydecentjobofconvincinghimselftheywerebothbetteroff.Buttherewasstillalittlevoiceinthebackofhismindasking,whatifhe’dmadeamistake
lettinghergo?Unfortunately,he’dfoundlisteningtothatlittlevoicetobeirrationalandill-advised.
Hisdeskphonerang.Linetwo,hisdoorman.HeonlycalledupifZackhadaguest,andhewasn’texpectinganyone.Norwasheinthemoodforcompany.
Hepickedupthephoneanyway.“Yes,Danny.”“Someoneheretoseeyou,Mr.Jameson.AMs.Reed.”Forasecondhewassurehemisunderstood.“Ms.who?”“MirandaReed,sir.ShallIsendherup?”WhatthehellwasMirandadoinginChicago?Andwhywasshehere,athisbuilding?How
didsheevenknowwherehelived?“Sir?”
Heshookoffthesuddenconfusion.“Yeah,sure.Goaheadandsendherup.”Hehungupthephoneandsatthereforasecondfeelingdazedandbewildered.Theyhadagreednottoseeeachotheragain,thensheshowsupoutoftheblueonhis
doorstep?Whatwassheupto?Whenthedoorbellchimed,herosefromhisdeskandwalkedtothefrontdoor,thewhole
situationfeelingabitsurreal.Thenherealizedhewasnervous.Nervousandexcitedtoseeher,eventhoughheknewanyrelationshipbetweenthemwould
leadtoadeadend.Unlessshe’dhadadrasticchangeofheartand,asshe’dsoaptlyphrasedit,succumbedtotheallureofthedarkside,therewasnoreasonforhertocomehere.
Hepulledopenthedoorandthereshestood,dressedcasuallyinlow-slungflaredjeans,adenimjacketandajewel-encrustedT-shirtthatrodeupjusthighenoughtoshowoffhernavelring.Shelookedyoungandsassyandhip,acompletelydifferentspinontheno-nonsensealluringwomanhe’dtakenuptoherroom.
Thewayshelookedhimupanddown,takinginhisfadedjeans,T-shirtandbarefeet,shewasprobablythinkingthesamething.
Theattraction,thesoul-deepconnectionthathe’dtriedtowriteoffasafluke,wasapparentlynoflukeafterall.Hisfirstinstinctwastotugherintohisarmsandkisshersenseless.
Itstruckhimasoddthatthey’dbeensointimate,andtheybarelyknewoneanother.Yethefeltasthoughtheywereconnectedsomehow.Heknewher,eventhoughhedidn’tknowher.
“Hi,”shefinallysaid.“Hi.”Sheshiftednervously.“So,I’llbetyou’resurprisedtoseeme.”Thatwasanunderstatement.Didshethinkshecouldbounceinandoutofhislifelikea
ping-pongball?Shefidgetedwiththebottomedgeofherjacket.“Ihopeit’snotaproblem.Mystopping
byunannounced,Imean.”Hefoldedhisarmsoverhischest.“Iguessthatdependsonwhatyouwant.”“WhatIwant?”Shelookedconfused,thenthemeaningofhiswordsseemedtosinkin.
“Oh,I’monlyheretotalk.”Hecouldn’timaginewhattheyhadlefttotalkabout.Butattheveryleast,heshouldlisten
towhatshehadtosay.Hebackedupandgesturedherinside.Shesteppedpasthim,takinginthefoyerandthelivingroomwithcuriosity.“Thepenthouse,huh?Verynice.”“Thanks.”Theystoodthereforamomentinawkwardsilence,soheasked,“CanItake
yourjacket?”“No,thanks.”Sherubbedherarmsabsently,asiffightingoffachill.“I’mnotusedtothis
coolweather.It’salothotterinMayinTexas.”“Wouldyoucareforsomethingwarmtodrink?Tea?Coffee?”“Water?”“Kitchenisthisway,”hesaid,andshefollowedhim.“Didyoujustgetintotown?”“Icamerightfromtheairport.Iapologizefordroppinginoutoftheblue.Iwouldhave
calledfirst,butthetruthis,untilIwalkedintothebuilding,Iwasn’tsureifIcouldreallydothis.”
“Buthereyouare.”“Yeah.HereIam.”
Hefilledaglasswithfilteredwaterandhandedittoher.Shebarelytookasipbeforesettingitdownonthecounter.
Sheglancednervouslyaroundtheroom,everywherebutathim.“Thisisawkward,huh?”“Yeah.Iseemtorecallthatweagreednottoseeeachotheragain.”“Iknow,”shesaid.“AndI’msorry,butthesituationhaschanged.”Hefoldedhisarmsacrosshischestandleanedbackagainsttherefrigerator.“Whichsituationisthat?”Shetookadeepbreathandblewitout,thenlookedhimintheeyeandsaid,“Thesituation
thatarosewhenIfoundoutIwaspregnant.”
Chapter3
Ittookafullthirtysecondsforthemeaningofherwordstosinkin,andanotherminutetoregaintheuseofhisvocalchords.“Sayagain?”
“Iwassurprised,too.”Shewalkedacrosstheroomtothefloor-to-ceilingwindowsoverlookingtheshoreofLakeMichigan.“Beforeyouask,I’msureit’syours.Therehasn’tbeenanyoneelseinawhile.”
“Iwasn’tgoingtoask.”Thethoughthadneverevenoccurredtohim.Shedidn’tstrikehimasthetypeofwomanwhowouldtrytopinsomeoneelse’smistakeonhim.Though,itwasn’tasifheknewherallthatwell.Geographicallyhe’dmemorizedherdowntothelastdetail.Thewayherbreastsfeltcuppedinhishands,thesoftswellofherhips.Howtheirbodieshadlockedtogethertomakeaperfectfit.
Personallyandintellectually,theywerebarelymorethanstrangers.“Well,”sheasked,finallyturningtohim.“Aren’tyougoingtosayanything?”“Thetruthis,I’malittlespeechlessrightnow.”“Youmusthavequestions.”Thereweresomanyquestionsbouncingaroundinhisheadhecouldbarelymakesenseof
them.“You’vebeentoseeadoctor?You’resure?”“DoyouthinkIwouldflyallthewayherefromTexasifIwasn’tsure?”Whichledtohisnextquestion.“How?Weusedprotection.”“Ican’texplainit,either.Butifyou’reinterestedinplacingblame,goaheadandpiniton
me.”Ifherecalledcorrectly,theyhadbothbeeninthatroom,hejustaswillinglyasshe’dbeen.
“WhywouldIdothat?Itisn’tanyone’sfault.”“Actually,itis.”Sheloweredhereyes,toyingwiththehemofhershirt.“WhileIhadnoplantogetpregnant,Iwalkedintothatbarwitheveryintentionof
seducingyou.”Thecornerofhismouthquirkedup.Isthatwhatshethoughthappened?Sheseducedhim?
“Isthatso?”Shewouldn’tmeethiseye.“It’sdumbreally,butIwassomadatyouafterthatinterview,I
wantedrevenge.Iwantedawaytoproveyouwrong.Therewasobviouschemistry,soIusedittomyadvantage.Iguessthejokewasonme.”
Maybeheshouldhavebeenoffended;instead,hefeltsorryforher.Shewasbeatingherselfupoversomethingthatwasn’therfault.“Miranda,youcan’tseducesomeonewhodoesn’twanttobeseduced.Youcouldhavedancednakedonthetable,butunlessIwasinterested,itwouldn’thavegottenmeintobedwithyou.Andmaybeyou’reforgetting,butImadethefirstmove.”Hecrossedthekitchentoher,cuppingherchininhishandandliftingherfacetohim.“Let’sforgetaboutwhosefaultthisisandfigureoutwhatwe’regoingtodo.”
Shenodded,gratitudeinhereyes.Touchingherfacebroughtbackthememoryofthatnightinthehotel,rightbeforehe
kissedher.Andsincehewasthisclosetodoingitagain,helethishanddropandbackedaway.“Howlonghaveyouknown?”“Awhile.IwantedtogivemyselfacoupleofweekstoletitsinkinbeforeItoldyou.”“Andyou’rehappy?”“I’vealwayswantedchildren.Itwasjustunexpected.”
Hecouldsympathize.“Howaboutyou?”sheasked.Hewasn’tsurewhathefeltyet.Hewasstillhavingahardtimewrappinghismindaround
theconcept.He’dalwaysplannedonafamily,too,justnotlikethis.Lookslikenowhedidn’thaveachoice.
“When?”heasked.“RightaroundChristmas.”AChristmasbaby.Hewasgoingtobeafather.“ThenIguessthere’sonlyonethingwecando,”hesaid.“What’sthat?”“Wehavetogetmarried.”Mirandahadhadhershareofsurprisesinthepastcoupleofweeks.Thefirstwaswhen
she’dlookedatherdayplannerandrealizedherperiodwasaweeklate.Thesecondhadbeenwhenshe’dcountedbackthedaystohernightwithZackandrealizedthey’dslepttogetheronwhatwaslikelyhermostfertiletimeofthemonth.Herthird,andshethoughtfinal,surprisecamewhenthedoctorcalled,deliveringtheresultsofherbloodtest.
Andnoneofthemcameclosetothewhopperhe’djustlaidonher.“Ifthatwasajoke,itwasn’tfunny,”shetoldhim.Only,hedidn’tlookasifhewere
joking.She’dneverseenhimlooksodeadserious.Ofcourse,she’dneverseenhiminanythingbutasuitandtie,either.
Well,thatandnaked.“DoyoureallythinkIwouldjokeaboutsomethinglikethat?”heasked.“Idon’tknowwhattothink.Idon’treallyknowyou,Zack.Which,ifyouweren’tjoking,
isaprettygoodargumentwhyweshouldn’tgetmarried.Ihavenoobjectionstoyoubeingapartofthisbaby’slife.I’mrelievedthatyouwanttobe.Iknowthatifwetrywecanworkoutaplanwebothcanbecomfortablewith.”
“Idon’tthinkyou’relookingatthebigpicture,”hesaid,inaninfuriatinglypatienttone.Asthoughhewereaddressingachild.Oramoron.Yetsomehowhemanagednottosoundcondescending,whichwasevenmorefrustrating.Hewassodamnedsureofhimself.Soreasonable.
“ThatisallI’vebeendoingforthepastweek,”shetoldhim.“I’veweighedmyoptions.Weliveinthetwenty-firstcentury,wheresingleparenthoodisreadilyaccepted.”
“Notformeitisn’t.It’sagainsteverythingIbelieve.I’vebuiltmycareeraroundfamilyvalues.”
“AndI’vebuiltminearoundbeingamodern,independentwoman.AmIjustsupposedtomarryyouandthrowthatallaway?”
“Achildshouldgrowupwithbothparents.”“Andourbabywill.Justinseparatehouseholds.”“Ifyou’reworriedaboutmoney,I’llseethatyou’realwaystakencareof,nomatterwhat.”“Oh,no,”shesaid,shakingherheadandnarrowinghereyesathim.Hewassteppingon
verydangerousground.“Don’tevengothere.Don’tthinkforaminutethatyou’regoingtoturnmeintoSuzieHomemaker.I’veplayedthatgamebeforeandIlostbig-time.Theonlypersontakingcareofmeisme.”
“Sothisisallaboutyourcareer?”heasked,andshecouldseehispatienceslipping.Hewasgettingfrustrated.Buthestillhadn’tsomuchasraisedhisvoice.
Wouldhebelikeherex-husband?Wouldhechangeaftertheyweremarried?Wouldhestartcallingherstupidanduseless?Wouldhecomparehertowivesofhisfriends?Thingslike,“Dave’swifekeepstheirhousespotless.Whycan’tyoubemorelikeher?”or“LookhowthinMike’swifeis.Whydon’tyoulosesomeweight?”
“Well,isn’tthatthepotcallingthekettleblack,”shetoldZack.“Tellmeyou’renotthinkingaboutthejumpinbooksaleswheneveryonehearsyou’vereformedaman-hatingfeministshe-cat.”
Thecornersofhismouthquirkedup.“Someoneactuallycalledyouaman-hatingfeministshe-cat?”Sheshothimawarninglookandhewipedthesmilefromhisface.“Savingyourcareerisa
lousyreasontogetmarried.”“Andit’salousyreasonnotto.”“Youwantareasonwhyweshouldn’tgetmarried?Youdon’tlovemeandIdon’tlove
you.Wehardlyknoweachother!”“Howaboutthisforareason.”Hecuppedahandbehindherhead,threadinghisfingers
throughherhairandtiltedherfaceuptohis.Thesameaggressiveyetgentleapproachhe’dusedthatnightinthehotel.Sheknewwhathewasgoingtodo,andsheknewsheshouldstophim.Butashisheadlowered,asifshewereundersomesortofspell,hereyesslippedclosedinstead.Andwhenhislipstouchedhers,shewentweakallover.
Talkaboutapushover.Wherewashersenseofempowerment?Theoneshetalkedaboutinherbook.Theoneeverywomanwassupposedtohave.TheGod-givenright,nottomentionresponsibility,tospeakupandsayno.
Ormaybeyouhadtowanttosaynoforthattowork.Thekisswentfromsweettopassionateinthespanofaheartbeat.Hetastedlikecoffeeand
somethingsweet,andshewasthankfulforthebreathmintshe’dpoppedinhermouthonthewayoverfromtheairport.
Heslidonebighandoverherbackside,pullingherintimatelyagainsthim,andherbrainnearlyshutdownaltogether.Shefistedherhandsathersidestokeepfromtouchinghim.
Whenhefinallypulledawayhediditreluctantly,hislipslingeringoverhersforseveralseconds,hishandsslidinguptohershoulders,thendownherarmsbeforeheletgoandbackedaway.
“Reasonenough?”heasked,histonedeepandlusty.Sheattemptedareply,buthervoicecracked,sosheclearedherthroatandtriedagain.
“YouknowaswellasIdothatanimalattractionisn’tenoughtomakeamarriagework.”Hegaveherthatgrin,theonethatmanagedtobecockywithoutactuallybeingcocky.“We
connected.Youcan’tdenythat.”Shewouldn’teventryto.Andshecouldseehewasn’tgoingtobackdown.Whatdidhe
think—hewouldkissandshewouldmelt?Well,okay,maybeshehadmelted.Thatdidn’tmeanhecouldsnaphisfingersandtellher
tojumpandexpecthertoaskhowhigh.Notinthislifetime.Notevenifheaskedpolitely.“It’snotgoingtohappen,Zack.Idon’twanttomarryyou,andIdon’tthinkyouwanttomarryme,either.”
“Iwanttobeapartofmychild’slife.”“Andyouwillbe.We’llworkoutacustodyarrangementwecanbothlivewith.”“Fatherhooddoesn’tbeginwiththebirth.Iwantthewholenineyards.Iwanttohearthe
heartbeatatdoctor’sappointments.Iwantbetherefortheultrasound.
Iwantthebabytobondtothesoundofmyvoice.Itwouldbeunfairtodenymethat.”Hewasright.Thiswasasmuchhischildashers.Buthewasaskingtheimpossible.Shetookaseatatthekitchentable,suddenlyfeelingexhausted.Shethoughttellinghim
wouldbearelief,thatitwouldlifttheweightthathadbeenrestingonhershoulders.Nowshecouldseethatithadonlyopenedthedoortomoreproblemsthatwouldneedsolvingbeforeshegotbacktoherlife.“Howcanwedothat?Weliveathousandmilesapart.”
“Wehaveonlyonechoice.”Hepulledoutthechairnexttohersandspunitaround,straddlingtheseat,hisarmsrestingonthelowback.Itwastoughtoreconcilethememoryoftherelationshipgurushe’dsparredwithontheradio,withtherealmansittingthereinjeans,aT-shirtandbarefeet.Helookedsonormal.
“I’mallears,”shesaid.“Oneofuswillhavetorelocate.”Ofcourse,thatwouldbethelogicalsolution.Andshecouldjustimaginewhichofthemhe
expectedtopulluprootsandmovehalfwayacrossthecountry.Butshewasinthemiddleofwritingabook.Shehadpilesofresearchandreferencebooks
inherhomeofficethatsheneededaccessto.Shehadanobstetriciansheloved.Therewassimplynowayshecoulduprootherentireliferightnow.
Andshewassurethatwasn’twhatMr.I-Want-To-Be-A-Part-Of-My-Child’s-Lifewantedtohear.
“Sincemylectureschedulewillfrequentlybetakingmeontheroad,anyway,”hecontinued,“itmakessensethatImovetoTexas.”
Huh?Shewastoodumbfoundedtospeak.Shemusthaveheardhimwrong.“Youwouldrelocatetobeclosetome?”shesaid,toconfirmexactlywhathewassaying.“Temporarily,yes.Atleastuntilthebabyisafewmonthsold.”Nowayitcouldbethatsimple.Hehadtohavesomethinguphissleeve.Therehadtobe
somesortofconditiontogoalongwithhisseeminglygenerousoffer.“What’sthecatch?”Heshrugged.“Nocatch.”Shenarrowedhereyesathim.“I’msupposedtobelievethatyou’rewillingtomoveacross
thecountrytobeclosertomeandyouexpectnothinginreturn?”“Letmeguess.Yourex-husbandwasn’tsowillingtocompromise?Orwasitan
overbearingfather?”Both,actually,butthatwasnoneofhisbusiness.Sheshothimalook.“Don’tshrinkme.”Hereciprocatedwithoneofthosecocky,butnotreallycocky,looks.Howdidhedothat?
“Ipromisenottoshrinkyou,ifyoupromisenottomakeassumptionsbasedonexperiencesyou’vehadwithmenwhoaren’tme.”
Touché.Shehadtohandittohim,ifnothingelsehewasdirect.Andfair.“AllI’maskingfor,Miranda,isyourtime.I’dlikeustogettoknoweachother.Youmay
besurprisedtofindthatI’mnotsuchabadguy.”Maybethatwaswhatshewasworriedabout.Shedidn’twanttoknow.Shedidn’twantto
betempted.Herhusbandhadseemedlikeaniceguy,too,andlookwhatadisasterthathadturnedouttobe.
Butitwouldbeincrediblyunfairtodenyhimtheopportunitytobeapartofherpregnancyduetoherownfeelingsofinsecurityandself-doubt.
Oh,great,nowshewasshrinkingherself.Andshewasalawyerforheaven’ssake!
“Wherewouldyoustay?”sheasked.“I’llfindarental.Preferablyoneclosetoyourplace.”Herpracticalside,theonethathadlivedforfiveyearswithahusbandwhokeptherona
strictmonthlyallowancedespitealucrativelawpractice,cringed.“Won’tthatbeexpensive?”Heshrugged,asifitdidn’tmattereitherway.Andwhywouldit?Theguywasanempire.
HehadproducedalibraryofDVDs,writtenhalfadozenbooksthathadbecomeinstantbestsellers,andshecouldjustimaginewhathemadeonthelecturecircuitfillingcountlessauditoriumstocapacity.
Theareawhereshelivedwascomfortable,butnotexactlyupscale,whichwouldprobablybewhathewaslookingfor,butthereweredevelopmentsnotfarfromherthatwouldprobablysuithim.Complexeswithpenthouseapartmentsandluxurycondos.Andshewasonlyatwenty-minutedrivefromdowntownDallas.Hewoulddefinitelyfindsomethingcushyenoughthere.
“I’msureyoucouldfindsomethingcloseby,”shesaid.Hereachedbehindhimforthepadofpaperandpensittingnexttothephoneandhanded
themtoher.“WritedownyouraddressandI’llhavemyassistantlookintoit.Iguessyoushouldprobablyincludeyourphonenumberwhileyou’reatit.SoIcanreachyou.”
Shewashavinghisbaby,andhedidn’tevenknowherphonenumber.Thiswastooweird.Thekindofthingshereadaboutinbooksorsawontelevisiondramas.
Thiskindofthingwasn’tsupposedtohappeninreallife.Especiallynottoher.Asshejottedtheinformationdownshewonderedwhattheheckshewasgettingherself
into.Everythingwasmovingsofast,andfeltso…final.Shehadbeenhopinghewouldwanttobeinvolvedwiththebaby.Weekendvisitationatbest.
Buthewantedtobeinvolved.Shedidn’tknowifshewasreadyforthis.Shehadconsiderednottellinghimaboutthebaby,butshedidn’tdoubtherpregnancy
wouldeventuallyreachthemedia.Zackwasasmartguy.Itwouldtakeonlyaverysimpleequationforhimtodeterminethebabywashis.
Andforallhertalkofbeingmodernandindependent,shestillknewrightfromwrong.Sure,shecouldraisethebabyalone.Shehadthefinancialmeans.Buttodenythechilda
relationshipwithitsfather,andviceversa,wouldn’tberight.Itwasamootpointnow.Shewashereanditwasadonedeal.Shehandedthepaperbacktohim.“Whatarewegoingtodoaboutthemedia?I’m
assumingyouwouldpreferthisnotgetout.”“Howdoyoufeelaboutthat?”heasked,soundinganawfullotlikeashrink.“Iunderstand.Idon’texpectyoutojeopardizeyourreputationforthesakeofmyfeelings.
AndI’mnotexactlylookingforwardtothemediaattention,either.Iwon’tsayanythingifyoudon’t.”“Deal,”heagreed.“So,whenarewetalking?I’mguessingsoon.”“AssoonasI’mable.Whenisyournextdoctorappointment?”“Threeweeks.”Hecursedunderhisbreath.“I’llbeinCaliforniafortendays.”“Thisearly,youwon’tbemissingmuch.”“ThenIguessI’lltakethenextcoupleofweekstotieupsomelooseends,andbeinTexas
aftermyCaliforniatrip.Thatwouldbe,what?FourthweekinJune?”
Amonthseemedsofaraway,andatthesametimeitwasn’tlongenough.Apreciousmonthleftofherprivacy.Herfreedom.“Thisisallso…surreal.Imean,wehardlyknoweachother.We’restrangers.”
Andifthatwastrue,whydidshefeelasthoughsheknewhimsomehow?“Sothiswillgiveusplentyoftimetogetacquainted.”Maybethatwaswhatshewasworriedabout.She’dlearnedfromonetoomanydisastrous
relationshipsnottotrustherownjudgmentwhenitcametofindingthewrongkindofman.Becausethewrongkindofmanforher,unfortunately,wasthekindofmanshewasusuallyattractedto.
Chapter4
“Anotherfurniturestoretruckjustpulledup,”Lianne,Miranda’snext-doorneighbor,calledfromherperchonthecouchbythefront-roomwindow.ShehadbeensittingthereforthepasttwentyminutesgivingMirandaablow-by-blowoftheactivitygoingonatthecondoacrossthestreet.
Mirandastoodaroundthecornerinthekitchen,fixingherselfacupofteaandaplateofsaltines,hopingitmighteasethenauseabrewinginherstomach.
Thiswasthethirdmorninginarowthatshe’dwokenfeelingsick.Sheknewthattechnically,morningsicknesswasagoodthing.Itmeantherbodywas
producingenoughhormonestosustainahealthypregnancy.Thatdidn’tmakeherfeelanybetterwhenshewaskneelingtotheporcelaingods,yackingupherbreakfast.Fromnowonitwasteaandcrackerseverymorninguntilherstomachsettled.
“They’reunloadingthefurniture!”Liannesquealed.Shewaslikethiswheneversomeonenewmovedintothecomplex.Freshmeat,shelikedtosay.
LikeMiranda,shewasdivorced.Bitterlydivorced.Butalwaysinthemarketforatemporarydistraction.She’ddivorcedhermostrecenttemporarydistractionthreemonthsago.
“Sofarsogood,”shereported.“Nothingkidrelated.Notoysorbabyfurniture.Nothingtoofeminine,either.Couldbeasingleman.”Thekettlebegantowhistle,andshepouredboilingwaterintohercup.“Youknowthatthe
firstruleofdatingistonevergetinvolvedwithaneighbor,”shecalledback.Lianneknew.She’dreadMiranda’sbook.Butshestillslippedbackintoheroldwaysfrom
timetotime.Henceherthreeex-husbands—thelatestofwhomstilllivedaroundthecorner.“There’snoharminlooking,”shecalledback.Mirandacarriedherteaandcrackersintothefrontroom.Shesetthemonthecoffeetable
andeasedherselfintothereclinerwhereshe’dbeenspendingmostofhermorningssackedoutinherpajamasinfrontofthetelevision.
Liannesatcurleduponthecouchacrosstheroom,hernosepracticallytouchingthewindow.“Don’tyouwanttosee?”
Mirandadidn’tcareaboutanythingbutmakingthenauseagoaway.“I’lllookwhenIcansafelymove.”
ShemomentarilypeeledhereyesfromthewindowtoshootMirandaasympatheticlook.“Stillfeelingsick,huh?”
“It’llpass,”shesaid,nibblingtheedgeofacracker.Itwasacatch-22.Ifshedidn’teat,shefeltsicker,andifsheatetoomuch,thatwasevenworse.
Thetrickwasfindingjusttherightbalance.Sofar,noluck.“Justbehappyyou’renotlikeIwaswithBrandon,”Liannesaid,referringtohernineteen-
year-oldson,whowascurrentlyinHoustonattendingcollege.“SickasadogfromthedayIgotpregnanttotheminutehewasborn.”Sheturnedbacktothewindow.“Oh,crud.Wehavebabystuff.They’reunloadingaboxwithwhatlookslikeacrib…yepit’sacrib,allright.Andherecomesthechangingtable.”
“It’llbenicetohaveanewfamilyinthecomplex.”Mirandaplacedahandoverherstill-flatstomach.“Someoneforthebabytoplaywithwhenheorsheisoldenough.”
Liannesighedandturnedfromthewindow.“Haveyoudecidedifyouwanttofindoutthebaby’ssexbeforehand?”
“I’mnotsureyet.Ononehand,Iloveagoodsurprise,ontheother,IcouldbemorepreparedifIknew.”
“Whataboutthebaby’sfather?Doeshewanttoknow?”LianneknewthebasiceventssurroundingMiranda’spregnancy,butnottheidentityofthe
maninvolved.Nooneknew.Mostpeople,includingMiranda’sfamily,didn’tevenknowshewaspregnant.
Sheknewexactlywhatpeoplewouldsay,whatherfamilywouldthink,andwhileshehadstoppedplayingbytheirrulesalongtimeago,shejustdidn’thavetheenergytodealwiththemrightnow.Shewasgivingherselfpermissiontobeselfishforawhile.
Mirandasippedhertea.“Wehaven’tdecidedyet.”Andnotforlackofdebate.SinceherreturnfromChicagonearlyamonthago,she’d
spokentoZackdaily.Hisinsatiablecuriositysometimeskeptthemonthelineforanhourormore.Andthoughatfirstshefigureditwouldrapidlybecomeannoying,nowshedidn’tmindsomuch.Afterall,whatexpectantwomandidn’tlovetalkingaboutherpregnancy?
“Well,Ithinkit’sprettycoolthathe’smovinghereallthewayfromChicagotobeclosetoyou.Ican’twaittomeethim.”
Whichcouldbeaproblem.Especiallyiftheyplannedtokeepthisfromthemedia.Zackwasanempire.Ifhecametohercondo,someonewasboundtorecognizehim,andeventually,someonewouldtalk.
Themoreshethoughtaboutit,themorecomplicateditwassounding.“Thewomanwethoughtwasthedecoratorisback,”Liannesaid,nosetothewindow
again.“Shemustbethewife,althoughIdon’tseeababyanywhere.”Mirandasetherhalf-fullcupdown.She’dmanagedthatandtwocrackers.Sheleanedher
headbackandclosedhereyes,waitingforthesicknesstopass.“We’vegotablackcarpullinguptothecurb.Holycow.It’svintage.AMustang,Ithink.
Inmintcondition.Andit’saguybehindthewheel.”Mirandarockedgently,onlyhalflistening.Shewasstartingtofeelbetter.Thecrackersand
teawereworking.“He’sgettingout.Wow.Talkabouttall,darkandhandsome,”Liannesaidwistfully.“And
he’sgotabodytodiefor.Comehere,youneedtoseethisguy.”“Notyet.”Shecouldn’tmoveyet.Ifshegotuptoosoon,shewouldjustgetsickallover
again.Andhonestly,shedidn’tcarewhatthenewfamilyacrossthestreetlookedlike.“He’sgottobeatleastsix-one.Maybeeventaller.He’swearingabaseballcap,butIcan
tellhishairisshortanddark.Darkbrown,Ithink.He’swearingcut-offjeans,aT-shirtandsandals.Verycasual.I’mguessingmidtwenties.Thirtytops.”
Shecouldfeelthenauseasubsiding.Littlebylittle.“Hiswifejustcameoutside.They’rechatting.Youwouldthinkhewouldgiveherakissor
hugorsomething.”“Maybehedoesn’tlikepublicdisplaysofaffection,”Mirandasaid,feelingobligatedto
contributetotheconversation.SheactuallyappreciatedLianne’smorningvisits.Ithelpedkeephermindoffhowmiserableshefelt.
AwriterlikeMiranda,sheworkedfromahomeoffice,soitwasn’tuncommonforhertodropbythreeorfourtimesaday.Sometimes,whenshedevelopedacaseofwriter’sblock,she
wouldevenbringherlaptopoverandsetupshoponMiranda’scouch.Sheclaimedthechangeofatmospherewouldsometimesgetthecreativejuicesflowing.
“He’ssmiling,”Liannereported.“Oh,yeah,he’sahunk.Majorbeefcake.”Theword“beef”madeMiranda’sstomachlurch.“IwishhewouldlosetheshadessoIcouldseehiseyes.Andwhat’sthis?Holdthe
phones…he’skissinghercheek!Verybriefandpolite.Nowaythiswomanishiswife.”“Thatdoesn’tmeanhedoesn’thaveone,”Mirandapointedout.“Maybeshe’salready
insideunpacking.”“She’shandinghimsomething.KeysIthink.Nowshe’sgoingbackinsidethecondo.The
beefcakeislookingaround,scopingoutthecul-de-sac.”Mirandafoughtthebilerisingupfromherstomach.“Ifyousaybeefonemoretime,I’m
goingtohurl.”“Nowhe’slookingacrossthestreet…oh,damn,IthinkI’vebeendiscovered.”“Servesyouright,”Mirandasaid,notopeninghereyes.“That’swhatyougetforbeing
nosy.”“I’mnotnosy.I’mobservant.Andlet’snotforgetwhosewindowI’mlookingoutof.He’ll
probablyjustassumeit’syou.”Swell.Justwhatsheneeded,hernewneighborsthinkingshewasasnoop.“He’swalkingbacktohiscar…nowait,hewalkedpastit,andhe’scrossingthestreet.
He’scomingthisway.”“That’snotfunny,”Mirandasaid.“I’mnottryingtobefunny.He’sreallycrossingthestreet.And,ohmyGod,heisahunk.
OlderthanIthought,though.Morelikehismidthirties.”Ateeny,tinyalarmranginherhead.Tall,midthirties,ahunk.Noway.“Nowhe’swalkingupyourdriveway.”Thealarmgrewlouder,orwasitjustaringinginherears?Shewasstartingtofeellight-
headed.“I’mnotbuyingit,Lianne.”“He’swalkingupthestepstotheporch…”Surehewas.Liannewasjustmessingwithherhead.Shelikedtodothat.“…stoppingtolookattheflowersintheurn.Pickingoneoftheflowers!Boydoesthisguy
havenerve.”Shewoulddragthisoutaslongashumanlypossible.“Steppinguptothedoor…”Thedoorbellrang.Miranda’seyesflewopen.Liannewaslookingather.“Well?Aren’tyougoingtogetit?”Mirandalookeddownatherattire.“I’minmypajamas.Ihaven’tevenbrushedmyteeth
yet.”“Okay,”Lianne,saidwithasigh,risingfromthecouch.“I’llgetit.”Asshewalkedtothefrontdoor,Miranda’snauseareturnedfullforce.Hewasprobably
justcomingbytousethephone,orborrowsugar.Shewassureshedidn’tknowhim.AsLiannereachedforthedoorknobMirandasqueezedhereyesshut,asifnotseeingit
wouldn’tmakeitreal.Butshehadabadfeelingaboutthis.
Thebilewasrisingagain.Workingit’swayup,burningapaththroughtheliningofherthroat.
Sheheardthedooropen,heardadeepvoice.Hisvoice.“I’mlookingforMirandaReed,”itsaid.“CanItellherwhoyoumightbe?”Lianneasked,hervoicestern,yetcurious.“Tellherit’sZack.”Zackhadheardofpeopleturninggreen,butalwaysassumeditwasafigureofspeech.Itwasn’t.WhenhewalkedintoMiranda’scondoandsawhersittingthere,shelookedlikethe
creaturefromthegreenlagoon.Itwasthefirsttimeanyonehadlookedathim,thenpromptlyruntothebathroomtotoss
theircookies.“Feelingbetternow?”heaskedfromthebathroomdoorway.Mirandagroaned.Shehalfsat,halfsprawledonthetilefloorwearingpinksilkpajamas,herarmsdraped
overthebowl.Herlong,darkhairwaspulledbackbutafewwispystrandsstucktoherforeheadandcheek.“Someonekillmenow.”
“IsthereanythingIcangetyou?”Shemoanedandlaidherheadonherarm.“Haveyougotagun?”Thatonemadehimsmile.“Iwasthinkingmorealongthelinesofadampclothoraglass
ofwater.”Shegazedupathim,hereyeswateryandbloodshot.“Iknowexactlywhatyou’re
thinking.”“WhatamIthinking?”“You’relookingatmenow,rememberingwhenyouproposed,andsayingtoyourself,
thankGodshesaidno.”Shecouldn’tbemorewrong.“WhywouldIbethinkingthat?”“I’veseenmyreflectioninthetoiletbowl.Youcan’ttellmeIdon’tlooklikeabeast.”“I’venevermetanyonewholooksgoodhangingoveratoiletbeingsick.Ipromisenotto
holditagainstyou.”“WhathappenedtoLianne?”“Sheleft.Shewantsyoutocallherwhenyou’refeelingbetter.”Mirandajustbetshedid.Shehadtobegoingnutsovertherewonderingwhattheheckwas
goingon.“Doessheknowwhoyouare?”“ItoldherI’mafriendofyoursfromChicago.”“Yep,sheknows.”“Whatdoessheknowexactly?”“Thatyou’rethebaby’sfather.Shejustdoesn’tknowwhoyouare.Atleast,Ihopeshe
doesn’t.”Shesatupandtookafewshallowbreaths.“IthinkI’mfeelingbetternow.”“Youreadytogetup?”“Ithinkso.”Hesteppedintothebathroomandheldoutahandtogiveheraboostfromthefloor.She
grabbeditandroseslowlytoherfeet.Shewaveredasecond,grippinghisfingers.“Wheredoyouwanttogo?”heasked.
“Therecliner.”
Withahandrestingonherlowerbackforstability,hewalkedherouttothechair.Shesatdown,leanedbackandclosedhereyes.Shewasn’tlookingsogreenanylonger.Itwasthefirsttimehe’dseenherwithnomakeup,andhesortoflikedherwithoutit.Shelookedsofter.Andyounger.Maybeevenalittlebitvulnerable.
Andheintendedtotakecareofher.Thiswasexactlywhathe’dmeantwhenhetoldherhewantedtobeinvolved.Hewantedtobeapartoftheentireprocess.
Eventheunpleasantparts.Henoticedhercuponthetable.“Wouldyoulikemoretea?”“Youdon’thavetotakecareofme.”“IknowIdon’t.”Forasecondhethoughtshemightargue,thenshemusthavedecidedshedidn’thavethe
energy.“Teawouldbegreat.Withateaspoonofhoney.”Eyesstillclosed,shegesturedinthedirectionofthekitchen.“It’sinthecabinetabovethecoffeemaker.”
Hegrabbedhercupfromthetable.“I’llfindit.”Liketherestofthecondo,thekitchenwasverycleanandorganized.Thatwasonething
theyobviouslyhadincommon.Clutterdrovehimnuts.Hismotherneverhadtimeforhousework.She’dworkedlonghours,andwhenshefinallydidgethome,cookingandcleaningwereprettylowonherlistofpriorities.
Shewouldopenabottleofwine,parkherselfinfrontofthetelevisionandchain-smokeuntilhisfathergothome.Howmuchshedrankdependedonhowlatehewasout.Hehadalotofevening“meetings”andoftendidn’tbreezeinuntilaftermidnight.
Sometimesitwasonebottle,othernightstwo.Onagoodnight,shewouldpassoutbeforehisfatherreturned,sparingZackandhisyoungerbrotherRichardfrombeingjoltedawaketothesoundofraisedvoices.Tohearhismother’sslurredaccusations,andhisfather’shalfhearted,lameexcuses.
Onabadnight,thepolicegotinvolved.Hismother’ssecondandthirdmarriageshadn’tbeenmuchbetter.Heputthekettleon,dumpedoutthestaleteaandfixedherafreshcup.Whenhewalked
backintothefamilyroomshelookedmuchbetter.Infact,hewouldgosofarastosayshewasglowing.Hercheekswererosyandhereyesbright.Shelooked…maternal.
Hehandedherthecup,makingsureshehadasteadygripbeforelettinggo.“Youlookasthoughyou’refeelingbetter.”
“Iam.”Shesippedtheteaandsmiled.“It’sperfect.Thanks.”Hetookaseatonthecouchandglancedoutthewindow.Themovingvanwasstillthere,
butTaylor,hissister-in-lawandrelocationcoordinator,assuredhimshewouldhaveeverythinginorderbylunchtime.
Mirandatookanothersipofherteaandsetthecupdown.“Niceplaceacrossthestreet.”“Verynice,”heagreed.Smallerthanhewasusedto,butitwouldsuffice.“Tellmeyoudidn’treallyjustmovethere.”Unfortunatelyhecouldn’tdothat.“ItoldyouIwantedtobecloser.”“Yeah,butrightacrossthestreet?Areyounuts?”“NotthelasttimeIchecked.”“We’vetalkedeverydayforamonthandyouneveroncethoughttomentionit?Iwas
thinkingyouwouldmovetoDallas,orFortWorth,even.Ithoughtyouwouldatleasthavetogetinthecaranddrivetoseeme.Thiscouldbeincredibly…awkward.”
“Itdoesn’thavetobe.”Itwasn’tasifhehadn’texpectedthis.Heknewtherewouldbeanadjustmentperiodwhileshegrewusedtotheideaofhavinghimaround.Hedidn’tdoubtthateverythingwouldworkout.Giventime,shewouldseethingshisway.
Shemayhavebeenstrongwilledanddetermined,butsowashe.“That’seasyforyoutosay,”shesnappedback.“Yougettoleavewheneveryouwant.You
cangobacktoChicagoorlecture.I’mstuckhere.Allmywork,allmyresearchmaterialisinthishouse.”
“YoumakeitsoundasthoughI’mholdingyouprisoner.AndIdohavetopointoutthatrightnow,youcouldusemyhelp.Atleastuntilthemorningsicknesspasses.”
Shedidn’tlookconvinced.“Youdon’tthinkitwillbeweird,uslivingsoclose?”Acrossthestreetwasn’tcloseenoughasfarashewasconcerned.Hewasdetermined,by
thetimethisbabywasborn,toconvincehertomarryhim.Preferablysoonerthanlater.Theonlywayhecoulddothatwastospendasmuchtime
withheraspossible.Hehadeveryintentionofseducingher,aswell,althoughthatpartoftheplanmighthave
towaituntilshewasfeelingbetter.“Youshouldhavetalkedtomeaboutthisfirst,”shesaid.“Weshouldhavediscussedit.”“Wediddiscussit.IsaidIwasmovingcloser,yousaidokay.Infact,atthetime,Ithought
yousoundedrelievedthatIwastheonedoingtherelocating.”Hecouldseethatshewantedtoarguebutcouldn’tdenyhewasright.Shehadbeen
relieved.Andhadheusedthattohisadvantage?Maybeso,buthewasonlydoingwhatwasbestforherandthebaby.Sheneededhimaround,evenifshewasn’twillingtoadmitityet.
Instead,shetriedadifferentangle.“Ithoughtyouwantedtokeepthisquiet.Youdon’tthinkpeoplearegoingtoseeustogetherandcatchon?”“Thehouseisunderadifferentname,andIhavemydisguise.”Hepluckedthesunglasses
fromthefrontofhisshirtandputthemonthenhetuggedthebaseballcaplowoverhiseyes.“See.”
“Istillrecognizeyou.”Heignoredhercynicism.“OnceIletmybeardgrowout,noonewillknowwhoIam.”“Youlookthatdifferentwithabeard?”“You’dbesurprised.”Shedidn’tlookasthoughshebelievedhim.“Whatwillyoudowhenyoulecture?”“ShaveitoffbeforeIleave,thengrowitbackwhenI’mhome.”“Isthecarpartofthedisguise,too?YouseemmorelikeaMercedeskindaguy.”“Youlikeit?ItwasmydreamcarwhenIwaskid.Ithoughtitwouldfitwiththepersona.”Sheclosedhereyesandsighed,asifgatheringherpatience.“Howlongisyourlease?”“Onthecar?”“No,onthehouse.”“I’mnotleasingit.”Hereyesopened.“Renting?”Heshookhishead.“Iboughtit.Ifigure,afterthebabyisbornI’llneedaplacetostay
whenIcometovisit.Whatbetterplacethanacrossthestreet?”Ittookheraminutetodigestthatone,andhecouldswearshewasstartingtolookalittle
greenagain.Wastheideaofhavinghimaroundreallysorevolting?Orwasitthatshefeltherindependencewasbeingthreatened?
“Wouldn’tyouratherhavesomethingbigger?Somethinginahigher-classneighborhood?I’msurethere’sapenthouseapartmentinDallaswithyournamewrittenalloverit.”
“ButIdon’twanttoliveinDallas.”Thetruthwashehadnointentionofstayinginthecondoanylongerthannecessary.He’dboughtitmoreasagestureoffaith.
Soshewouldunderstandthathewasserious.WhenheleftTexas,whetherthatwasbeforeorafterthebabywasborn,hehadevery
intentionoftakingMirandawithhim.Evenifhecouldn’ttalkherintomarryinghim,hewantedherandhischildclose.HewouldfindsomewaytotalkherintomovingtoChicago.
Andifthatdidn’twork,hemightjustbelookingforamorepermanentresidenceinTexas.MaybethatpenthouseinDallasshementioned.
Throughouthischildhood,hisfatherhadbeeninvisible,andZackcouldn’tdenyithadleftdeepscars.Zackplannedtobearoundforhissonordaughter.Hewouldbetheretoseeeverynewtoothandhearthefirstwords.Hewouldbearoundtokissscrapedkneesandwipeawaytears.Hewouldbethedadwhowalkedhischildtoschoolandattendedbandconcerts.
Forhimitwasnoimposition,unlikehisfather,whosawhisdutytohisfamilylikealeadanchorweighinghimdown.
Giventhetimeandlotsofpatience,hewasquitesurehewouldwearMirandadown.Therewasnootheroption.Eventuallyhewouldconvinceherthathiswaywastherightway.
Chapter5
Miranda’seyesflutteredopen.Thecurtainsweredrawnandtheroomdim,andthethrowfromthebackofthecouchhadbeendrapedoverherlegs.
Shemusthavedozedoff.Shesatupandrubbedthesleepfromhereyes.Forasecond,shethoughtithadallbeena
crazydream.Oranightmare.MaybeZackreallyhadn’tmovedinacrossthestreet.Butbesideheronthetablesatacoldcupofteaandnexttothatwasanotethatread:
“Acrossthestreetifyouneedme.”He’dincludedhiscellphonenumber,homenumberandaddress.Asifshecouldforgetwherehelived.
Sheesh!Itlookedasthoughthisparticularnightmarewasjustbeginning.Shehadfallenintothistrapmorethanonce,herlifesubjugatedbyoverbearing,controlling
men.Firstwithherfatherandbrothers,andthenherex-husband.Ithadn’tbeeneasyclawingherwayoutfromundertheircollectivethumbs.Butshewasstrongernow.
SheneededtotellZack,innouncertainterms,thatshewouldbetheonecallingtheshotsthistime.
Shesatverystillforamoment,tryingtogaugethelevelofnausea.Alittletwingemaybe,butnothingshecouldn’thandle.Veryslowly,andwithgreatcaution,shesatup.Andherstomachgrowled.Shewasactuallyhungry,meaningthatfortoday,atleast,theworstofithadpassed.
Shefixedherselfafewslicesoftoastandafreshcupoftea.Whenshemanagedtokeepthatdownwithoutincident,sheaddedfruitandcottagecheesetoherplate.
Afterward,shetookahotshowerandgotdressed.Sheconsideredworkingforawhile,butsheknewshewouldgetnothingaccomplisheduntilshesettledthingswithhernew“neighbor.”
Shedebatedwithherselfabouttakingthetimetoapplymakeup,thendecidedshedidn’thavetheenergy.Itwasn’tasthoughZackhadn’tseenherlookingworse.
Andbesides,shehadnoreasontoimpresshimortrytosoftenhimup.Onthecontrary,hewasgoingtolearnthatshewasnotawomantomesswith.
Atleast,notanymore.Itwasnearly2:00p.m.bythetimeshesteppedoutthedoor.Sheconsideredpoppingin
nextdoorforasecond,butshehadn’tquitedecidedwhatshewantedtotellLianne.Besides,avoidingthesituationwithZackwasn’tboundtomakeitgoaway.
Instead,shecrossedthestreet.Thesummersunbeatdown,hotandruthless,andshecouldswearshefeltsteamrisingfromherstill-damphair.Sweatbeadedherupperlipbythetimeshereachedhisdriveway.
Themovingvanwasgone,andZack’ssecondhandcarsatinthestreet.Shesteppeduptotheporchandknockedonthedoor.Frominsideshecouldheartheheavybeatofmusicandthemuffledwhineofaguitarriff.
Shecheckedtheaddresstobesureshehadn’taccidentallywalkeduptothewrongdoor.Hedidn’tstrikeherasthehard-rocktype,buttherewereprobablyalotofthingsthatshedidn’tknowabouthim.
Itwasagoodthinghisnext-doorneighborsbothworkedduringtheday.Thewallshereweren’texactlysoundproof.
Whenhedidn’tanswer,shetriedringingthebell.
Thedooropened,andinsteadofZack,thewomanMirandahadseencomingandgoingregularlyforthepasttwoweeksstoodthere.
“CanIhelpyou?”sheasked.Shewastall,wispyandbeautifulinasoft,delicateway.Likeafragileflower.Yetpoisedandsturdysomehow.
MirandahadthesuddennightmarishrealizationthatthiswomancouldbeZack’sgirlfriend.Or…gulp…hiswife.Maybeoneofmany.
Whatifhehadwomenalloverthecountry?Agirlineveryporthevisitedonthelecturecircuit.Forallsheknewhecouldhaveillegitimatekidsallovertheplace,too.
Asrapidlyastheideaformed,itevaporatedawayintotheheat.Whatmanwouldbedumbenoughtobringhisgirlfriendtothehouseacrossthestreetfrom
hispregnantmistress?Oh,God.Isthatwhatshewas?Someone’smistress?Hadshesunkthatlow?Recognitionlitthewoman’sface.“YoumustbeMiranda.”“Yes,but—”Withadelightedlittlegaspandawarmsmile,shegraspedMiranda’shandsandsqueezed
them.“Howwonderfultofinallymeetyou!Comeinside!It’shotasthedeviloutthere.Idon’tknowhowyouTexanscanstandit.”
SheallbutdraggedMirandaoverthethreshold,butMirandawastoostunnedtoresist.Whotheheckwasshe?AndwhydidsheknowwhoMirandawas?Wasn’tthissupposedtobeacovertoperation?Asecret?Whybotherwithadisguiseifhewasgoingtogotellingeveryonewherehewas?
“I’mTaylorJameson,”shesaid.“Jameson?”Hissister?Or,oh,God,maybeshewashiswife.Maybehisrelationship-guru
personawasjustafront,andintruthhewassomesortoftwistedcultleader.Abigamist.TaylormusthaverecognizedMiranda’sabjecthorror,becausesheadded,“Zack’ssister-
in-law.”Mirandabreathedasighofreliefandplasteredasmileonherface.“Nicetomeetyou.”“ItakeitZacknevermentionedme.”Mirandadidn’tknowwhattosay.Shedidn’twanttohurtTaylor’sfeelings,butreallyall
sheknewaboutZackwasthathehadonebrother.Whentheytalkeditwasusuallyaboutthepregnancyorwork.Rarelydidtheygetpersonal.
“It’sokay,”Taylorsaid.“Zackisaveryprivateperson.”“I’mbeginningtonoticethat.”Apparently,Zacktrustedhertokeepthesituationinconfidence.IfTaylorevenknewwhat
thesituationswas.WhathadZacktoldher?“Aren’tyoujustadorable!”shesaid,lookingMirandaupanddown,stillclutchingher
hands,hergripfirmyetdelicate.Normallyacommentlikethatwouldhavecomeoffascondescending,butTaylorwassoexcited,thewordsfeltgenuine.“I’vebeenpumpingZackforinformation,butyouknowhowmencanbe.”
Thatlackofinformationhadtobetheexplanationforherenthusiasm.Hadsheknownthetruth,Mirandadoubtedshewouldbesowarmandfriendly.Shewonderedwhatshedidknow.Ormoretothepointwhatshedidn’tknow.
“Iwantedtointroducemyselfsooner,butZackmademepromisenotto.Hewantedyoutobesurprisedwhenhemovedin.”
Oh,didhe?Well,he’dsucceeded.“I’mdefinitelysurprised.”
“MaybeI’mbeingtooforward,butIwouldabsolutelylovetothrowyouababyshower.”Ashower?So,sheknewaboutthebaby.Mirandaopenedhermouthtorespond,butshedidn’tknowwhattosay.Weren’tthey
gettingaheadofthemselves?Shehadbarelygottenusedtotheideathatshewaspregnant.Thiswasallmovingwaytoofast.Shecouldalmostfeelthewallsclosinginonher.That
sickeningsensationofclaustrophobia.“IfI’moversteppingmyboundaries,justsayso.Itendtodothat.Ijustloveplanning
parties.AndIlovebabiesevenmore.”Outside,acarhornsoundedandsheletgoofMiranda’shands.“Oh,damn,that’smyride!
Iwashopingwewouldhavemoretimetochat,butIhaveaflighttocatch.Richardisanxioustomeetyou,too,sowe’llprobablybeintownsoon.
Maybewecouldallgoouttodinner.”“Uh,yeah,sure.”“Itwasapleasuremeetingyou,Miranda.”ShepumpedMiranda’shandagain,then
grabbedherpursefromtheentrywaytable.“Ihopewe’lltalkagainsoon.”“Me,too,”Mirandasaid,althoughshehadbarelygottenawordinedgewise.Thehornsoundedasecondtime.“Coming,coming!”shechatteredwithaflutterofher
hand,thenglancedinthedirectionofthestairs.“DomeafavorandtellZackIsaidgoodbye.Tellhimtocallifheneedsanything.”
Withonelastwaggleofherfingersshewasoutthedoor,atornadoofenergy,andthoughtheconversationhadbeenone-sided,Mirandafeltalittlebreathless.TwominuteswithTaylorandshewasexhausted.
Sheturnedandlookedaroundthefrontroom.Zackcertainlysparednoexpense.Itscreamed,“professionallydecorated.”Thewallswerefreshlypaintedinwarm,neutralbeiges.Thefurnitureanddecorationswere
masculineenoughtosuitaman,withoutoverpowering.Theeffectwaswarmandinviting.Mirandafollowedthemusicupthestairstothesparebedroomthatinhercondosheused
asanoffice.Shesteppedthroughthedoorwayandfoundherselfsurroundedbysoftpastels,plushcarpetandexpensive-lookingbabyfurniture.
OnthedressersatoneofthoseniftylittleportableMP3playersattachedtoaspeakersetthatplayedamazinglyloudandclearfortheirsize.
InthemiddleoftheroomkneltZack,singingatthetopofhislungsinperfectpitchwithRobertPlant,assembling,ofallthings,acrib.
Itcreatedapicturesoadorable,hadshebeenanemotionalwoman,itmighthavebroughttearstohereyes.Asitwas,shecouldn’thelpsmiling,orfightthewarmfuzzyfeelingsbuildinginherheart.
Shemightnotknowhimverywell,thatwaspainfullyobvious,butwhatshedidknow,sheliked.Probablytoomuchforherowngood.Shehadtoremindherselfthatsomemenwerenotwhattheyseemed.
Shewasn’tquitereadytotrusthim.Sherappedonthedoorframe.“Knock,knock.”Heturned,andwhenhesawitwasher,asmilelithisface.Oh,man,washecute.Herheart
didaquickback-and-forthshimmy.“Youdon’tstrikemeastheZeppelintype,”sheshoutedoverthemusic.Hereachedoverandturnedthevolumedown.“There’salotaboutmeyoudon’tknow.”Wasn’tthatthetruth.“Iknowyouhaveasister-in-lawwithanexcessofenergy.”
Hegrinned.He’dlostthebaseballcapandsufferedamildcaseofhathair.“ItakeityoumetTaylor.”“Shesaidtotellyougoodbyeandtocallifyouneedanything.Andsheofferedtothrow
meababyshower.”Herosetohisfeet,tallandwide.Imposing,yetcompletelyunthreatening.Superior,buthumble.Howdidhemanagethat?“Sorryaboutthat.Shesometimesgetsalittletooenthusiastic.Shemeanswell,though.
Andifyou’reworried,oursecretissafewithher.”“ShesaidsheandRichardwouldbevisitingsoon,andwecouldallgoouttodinner.Are
youandyourbrotherclose?”“Prettyclose.”Apparently,hehadnoplanstoelaborate.Andthatwasprobablyagoodthing.Thelesssheknewabouthim,thelesslikelyshewastogetattached.Shegesturedtothepartiallyassembledcrib.“Itlooksasthoughyou’vebeenbusy.”Heturnedtoreviewhishandiwork.“Youlikeit?”“Youdon’tthinkit’sabit…premature?”Heshrugged.“Nothingwrongwithbeingprepared.You’relookingasthoughyoufeel
better.”“Much.Thanksfortakingcareofmethismorning.”Heshruggedasifitwasnobigdeal.Butshewasn’tusedtopeopletakingcareofher.
Especiallynotaman.Andshecouldn’thelpbutsuspecthehadulteriormotives.Thathewassofteningherupsoshewouldletherguarddown.Itwouldn’tbethefirsttime.
“Iwashopingyoumighthavesometimetotalk.Butifyou’rebusy,Icancomebylater.”Thesecondthewordswereoutshewishedthemback.ThatwastheoldMirandatalking.Theonewhoputeveryoneelse’sneeds,everyone’sfeelings,beforeherown.
Asindependentasshe’dbecome,confrontationsstillmadeheruncomfortable.Maybedeepdownshewasn’tasconfidentandincontrolasshelikedtobelieve.Andthatwasdefinitelysomethingsheneededtoworkon.“I’mnevertoobusyforyou,”hesaid.Thatshouldhavebeenagoodthing,butinsteadit
madeherfeelevenmoreclaustrophobic.“Let’sgodownstairs.Icoulduseacoldbeer.”Hegesturedtothedoorandsheprecededhimout.Theywalkeddownstairsandheledher
toakitchenthatlookedverysimilartoherown,justmoreexpensive.Top-of-the-lineappliancesandgranitecountertops.New,solid-woodcabinetsandceramic
tilefloors.Thewordthatcametomindwasluxurious.“Wouldyoulikesomething?Water?Juice?”“Waterwouldbegood.”Heopenedthefullystockedside-by-siderefrigeratorandpulledoutabottledwaterandan
importedbeer.“Whatdidyouwanttotalkabout?”“The…situation.”“Whichsituationwouldthatbe?”Hecrackedthesealonthewaterandhandedittoher.
Thenhepoppedopenhisbeerandtookaswig.“Youlivingacrossthestreetfromme.”Againwiththeshrug.“What’stheproblem?”
Hewasn’tfoolingherforasecond.Heknewexactlywhattheproblemwas,andpretendingitdidn’texistwasn’tgoingtomakeitdisappear.
“Ithinkweneedtosetafewboundaries.”“Boundaries?”“Sothingsdon’tget…unmanageable.”Come,onMiranda.Stopbeingsopoliteandjust
saywhatyoumean.Shesippedherwater,wishingitwasamargaritaoradoublemartini.Alcoholalwaysmade
herfeelbolder,morebrave.Partofthereasonshewasinthemessinthefirstplace.Onsecondthought,maybeadrinkwouldbeabadidea.“Ineedspace.Ifeel…smothered.”Helookedmoreintriguedthaninsulted.Maybeevenalittlebitamused.“I’vebeenherea
fewhoursandalreadyyou’retellingmetobackoff?”Ifhewastryingtomakeherfeelguilty,itwasn’tgoingtowork.Orattheveryleastshe
wouldn’tletitshow.“IcouldlivetwentymilesfromhereandIguaranteeyouwouldn’tbeseeinganylessofme
thanyouwillwithmestayingrightacrossthestreet.”“Itjustfeelsasthoughthisisallmovingtoofast.”Hetookaswallowofbeer.“Whatwouldyoulikemetodoaboutit?”Goodquestion.Shecouldn’tverywellaskhimtomovebacktoChicago.Andthatwas29
percentoftheproblem.Well,shecouldask.Buttherewasnoguaranteehewouldlisten.Infact,shewaspretty
darnedsurehewouldn’t.Anditwouldn’tbefair.Thiswashisbaby,too.“Respectmyprivacyforstarters.Idon’twantyoutogettheimpressionthatit’sokayto
justpopoverwheneveryoufeellikeit.Iwouldappreciateaphonecallfirst.EspeciallyduringthedaywhenI’mworking.”
“AreyoutryingtotellmethatIoversteppedmyboundariesthismorning?”Hedidn’tmincewords,didhe?Itwasaqualitysheadmired.Probablybecauseshelacked
itherself.“AsIsaidbefore,Iappreciatedyourhelp,butIcantakecareofmyself.”“Iwouldneverquestionyourcompetence,Miranda.AndI’mnotherewiththeintentionof
disruptingyourlife.We’rehavingababytogetherandIwanttobeapartofit.It’sassimpleasthat.”
Washeserious,orjusthumoringher?Shecouldn’ttell.Shefelttornbetweenwantingtobelievehim,wantingtotrusthimandtherealityofherpastexperiences.Inherworld,menwereneverwhattheyappearedtobe.
“You,ontheotherhand—”hefishedasetofkeysoutofthefrontpocketofhisshortsandgavethemtoher“—arewelcometostopbywheneveryoufeellikeit.
There’sakeyforthecondo,thecarandmyapartmentinChicago.Justincase.”“Ican’tacceptthese.”Shetriedtohandthemback,buthegentlypushedherhandaway.“Consideritagestureofgoodwill.”Goodwill?Aftershehadjustbluntlytoldhimtobackoff?Couldhereallybethat
easygoing?Thatgenerous?Therehadtobeacatch.Someconditionhewasn’trevealing.Thishad“messyandcomplicated”writtenalloverit.
“Whatifoneofuswantstogooutonadate?”sheasked.“SupposeyouhaveawomanoverandIpopinunannounced?Youdon’tthinkthatwillbeuncomfortable?”
“IhavenointentionofdatinganyonewhileI’mstayinghere.”“WhatifIwanttodate?HowdoyouknowIdon’talreadyhaveaboyfriend?”
Againthesubtlegrin.Theonethatmadeherheadfeelswimmy.Didheknowhowcutehelookedwhenhedidthat?
“Thisboyfriendhasnoproblemwiththefactthatyou’rehavinganotherman’sbaby?”Sheshothimalook.“Mypointis,wedon’tknoweachotheratall.”“Andtheonlywaywe’llgettoknoweachotherisbyspendingtimetogether.Withmelivingrightacrossthestreet,thinkhowquicktheprocesswillbe.”Shehatedthathewasabletomakeeverythingsoundsological,whendeepdownthe
wholethingjustfelt…icky.OrmaybetherealproblemwasshelikedZack.Reallylikedhim,andshewasafraidthatifshespenttoomuchtimewithhim,hisreal
personalitywouldemergeandherillusionsofthemanshehopedhewaswouldbeshattered.Shewantedhimtobeaswonderfulasheappeared,andatthesametimesheknewitwas
incrediblyunlikely.Butattheveryleast,shedidbelievehewashonest.“Ifthisisgoingtowork,youhavetopromiseyou’llgivemespace.”“Whateveryouneed,”hesaidwithoutbattinganeye.“Ipromise.”Wow,thatwaseasy.Tooeasy.Shehadabadfeelingaboutthis.
Chapter6
Beingtheobservantmanthathewas,ZackimmediatelypickeduponMiranda’swariness.“Youlookasthoughyoudon’tbelieveme.”
“Iamskeptical,”sheadmitted.“Thenperhapsweshouldmakeitofficial.”Heextendedahandforhertoshake.Shewouldmuchratherseeitinwriting,inanironcladcontractwithhisnamepennedin
hisownblood.Butshesupposedahandshakedealwouldhavetosuffice.Shemethimhalfway,felthislarge,warmhandswallowhersup.Hisgripwasfirmwithout
beingoverbearing.Intimate,yetplatonic.Damn,hewasgood.Thatgrincurledhismouth,hoveringsomewherebetweenamusedandcarnal,andshe
couldswearhiseyesdarkenedashade.Hewasgivingherthatsimmering,sexy,come-and-get-melookthathadmadeherkneesgoweakthateveninginthehotelbar.
Uh-oh.“Don’tlookatmelikethat.”Oneeyebrowtippeduptheslightestbit.“Likewhat?”“YouknowexactlywhatImean.”Shetriedtotugherhandfree,buthetightenedhisgrip
justenoughtokeephertrapped.“You’regivingmetheeyes.”“Theeyes?”“Yeah,sojuststoprightnow.”Nodoubthewasdoingitonpurpose.Heprobablythought
hecouldsoftenherup.Makehergoallmushy-brained.Whichshewas.Shetuggedagain,buthedidn’tloosenhisgrip.Thegrinwidenedafraction.“Ihavenoideawhatyou’retalkingabout.”Stillclutchingherhand,hesteppedclose.Actually,itwasn’tsomuchastepasitwasa
lean.Sheonlyknewthathewasn’tstandingasfarawayashewasasecondago.Shefeltherpalmbeginningtosweatandherheartdidataproutineacrossthewallsofher
chest.Shecaughtthesubtlescentofhisaftershaveoverthenewpaintsmell,couldswearshefeltheatrollingoffhiminanebbandflowasnaturalastheoceantide.And,oh,boy,hehadthatlook,theonemengotrightbeforetheykissedawoman.
Thesameonehehadrightbeforehe’dkissedherthelasttimeinhiskitchen.Shenarrowedhereyesandgavehimherbestdon’t-mess-with-melook.“Don’teventhink
aboutit,pal.”Againwiththeinnocentlook.“Thinkaboutwhat?”“Kissingme.”Shegaveanothertug,butherhanddidn’tbudge.Ifshepulledanyharder
andhedidletgo,shewouldenduponherbuttontheshinynewtilefloor.“WhatmakesyouthinkthatIwanttokissyou?”Shewassonotfallingforthisinnocentact.“ThisrelationshipguruIoncesparredwithon
theradiowasquiteadamantaboutthefactthatcouplesshouldbeinacommittedrelationshipbeforetheyindulgeinsinsoftheflesh.”
Ifshewashopingtoinsulthim,ithadn’tworked.Thesmileneverdriftedfromhisface.Ifanything,helookedevenmoreamused.
Histhumbtrailedlightlyacrosstheinsideofherwristandshefeltherselfshiver.Whydidhehavetodothat?Andwhydidn’tshemakehimstop?
Becauseitfeltgood,that’swhy.“Firstoff,Ineveroncereferredtomakingloveas‘sinsoftheflesh.’Andsecond,asfaras
I’mconcerned,Iaminacommittedrelationship.”“Thisisgoingtobecomplicatedenoughwithoutusgetting…involved.”“Defineinvolved.”“Sex,Zack.”“Yeah,butthinkhowmuchfunitcouldbe.”Shedidn’tdoubtthatforasecond.Butthatkindoffuniswhathadgottentheminthis
messinthefirstplace.“I’mserious.It’snotgoingtohappen.Itnevershouldhavehappenedthefirsttime.”
Slowly,reluctantly,asthoughhewassavoringeverylastbitofcontact,heletherhandslipfromhis.
“Howaboutdinnertonight,”hesaid.“Wouldyouatleastshareamealwithme?”“IsthisamealIhavetocook?BecauseIdon’tdothedomesticgoddessthing.”“Ididnoticethatyourrefrigeratorlookedalittle…light.Anutritiousdietis…”Hetrailedoffwhenhesawthewarninglookshewasspearinghisway.“Yousodon’twant
togothere.”“I’llcook,”hesaid.“Really?”“Really.”“Nocarryoutorfrozendinners?”“Nope.Justhome-cookedfood.”Amanwhocooked.Hownovel.Inallthetimeshehadbeenmarriedtoherex,sheneveroncesawhimusethestove.Not
eventoboilwaterfortea.Thekitchenhadbeenherroom,andithadbeenherresponsibilitytohaveahotmealonthetableeverynightwhenhegothomefromwork,regardlessofhowmanyhourssheherselfhadworked.Afterall,hercareerwasonlytemporary,orsoheseemedtobelieve.
Sheknewnowhowwrongithadbeenofhertobedishonest.Todeludehimintothinkingthatshesharedhisfamilyvalues.Shejustkeptthinkingthatonedayhewouldchange.Hewouldwakeupandrealizetheyweren’tlivinginthenineteenthcenturyanditwasokayforawomantohaveacareerandafamily.
Thatshecouldbeanequal.Unfortunately,thatchangehadnevercome.Insteadofbecomingmoreopen-mindedand
liberal,he’dgrownmorechauvinisticandcontrolling.“Whatsoundsgood?”Zackasked.“Imakeameanlasagna.”Hersalivaryglandswentintooverdriveandshehadtoswallowtokeepfromdrooling.“Icouldeatlasagna,”shesaidcasually,whileinsideshewasjumpingupanddownwith
joy.Lasagnawasonlyoneofherfavoritefoodsinthehistoryoftime.Hermother’snanahadimmigratedtotheU.S.fromSicilyinthetwenties,andthoughMirandabarelyrememberedher,shehadinheritedherappreciationforItaliancuisine.
Andsincesherarelybotheredtogoall-outondinnerforone—theguyatthenoodleplacearoundthecornerknewherbyname—awell-roundedmealwouldbeapleasantchangeofpace.
“Howdoessixo’clocksound?”heasked.“Ihavealotofworktocatchupon.Makeitsevenandyou’vegotadeal.”
“Sevenitis.”Okay,then.Dinnershecouldhandle.Dinnerwassafe.Ifshewasreallucky,itmeantanightofgood
food,intelligentconversationandatablebetweenthemtothwartanyunsolicitedhanky-pankyfromhisend.
“Ilookforwardtoit,”sheadded.Zackgrinned.“YouknowwhatI’mlookingforwardto?”Whydidshegetthefeelingshedidn’twanttoknow?“What?”Heflashedherthatlookagain,theonethatmadehergoallmushy-brained.“Dessert.”TherewasanotetapedtoMiranda’sfrontdoorwhenshegothome,scrawledinLianne’s
barelylegiblehandwriting:“Gonefortherestoftheday.Hotdate.Won’tbehomeuntillate—Ihope.We’lltalktomorrow.”Themissed-calllightonherphonewasflashingwhenshewalkedinthedoor.Shechecked
thecallerIDandsawthatitwasherwritingpartner,IvyMadison.Thoughtheyonlylivedtwentyminutesfromeachother,theytalkedbyphonenearlyevery
afternoontocomparenotesorworkthroughanyproblemstheymighthavebeenhavingwiththebook.Theykepteachotherontrackthatway.
Lately,withMiranda’smorningsicknessandtheflingIvyhadbeenhavingwithherex-husband,they’dbothfallenabitbehindschedule.
Shepickedupthecordlessanddialedhernumber.Ivyansweredonthefirstring.“Youwouldn’tbelievethedayI’mhaving,”Mirandasaid.“Miranda,weneedtotalk.”SheknewinstantlybythetoneofIvy’svoicethatsomethingwaswrong.Shejusthoped
Dillon,Ivy’sex,hadn’tbrokenherheartagain.IthadtakenanenormousleapoffaithforIvytotrusthimagain.IthadbeentheirmessydivorcethathadpromptedIvytocoauthorthefirstbookwithMiranda.
Bothofthemhavingenduredheart-wrenchinglypainfuldivorces,theprojecthadbeenmoretherapeuticthanfinanciallymotivated.Butsinceitsrelease,ithadbeentoppingthebestsellerlists.Ithadbeendisturbingtodiscoverthestaggeringnumberofwomenwhohadendured,orwerepresentlyexperiencing,painfuldivorces.
Whichwaswhy,withveryfewexceptions,bothIvyandMirandavehementlybelievedwomenwerebetteroffstayingsingle.Itwastheelementtheyhadbasedtheirentirebookandthefollow-upbookon.
“What’swrong?”Mirandaasked.“DidDillondosomethingstupid?DoweneedtokeyhisBentley?Toiletpaperhismansion?PutsugarinthefueltankofhisLearjet?”
“No,no,nothinglikethat.Ijust…I…”“Whatisit?”“I’mnotsurehowtosaythis,soI’mjustgoingtosayit.DillonandIaregettingmarried.”“Married?”Ivywasgettingmarried?Toherex-husband?Ifshehadsaidthatshewas
gettinggenderreassignmentsurgery,Mirandacouldn’thavebeenmorestunned.Itwasonethingtohaveacasualflingwithanex.Buttomarryhim?
“Iknowwhatyou’rethinking,”Ivysaid.“Areyounuts?”“IhonestlythinkthisisthefirstsanethingI’vedoneinalongtime.Ilovehim.IthinkI’ve
alwayslovedhim.Hemakesmehappy.”
Thefactthatshewassosure,soblindsidedbyherex’scharm,addedawholenewlevelofcreepinesstotheidea.“Ofcoursehedoes!You’reeuphoricfromallthegreat
sex.ButifIhadadimeforeverytimeIheardyousaygreatsexdoesnotequalagreatmarriage,IwouldbedrinkingpiñacoladasonabeachinMaui.”
“Iwashopingyouwouldbehappyforme,”Ivysaidsoftly.Happy?Shecouldn’tbeserious.Ivywasapsychologist,forpity’ssake.Shehadcounseled
countlesswomenwho’dbeenburnedmorethanoncebythesameman.“Sure,everythingisrosesandsunshinenow,buthowwillyoufeelinsixmonthswhenthe
noveltywearsoffandheturnsbackintothejerkyoudivorced?”“He’snotthemanhewastenyearsago.”“Excuseme?Notthemanheusedtobe?You’vesaidityourselfamilliontimes.Mendon’tchange.Notdeepdownwhereitcounts.”“IknowIdid.ButMiranda,Iwaswrong.”Adarkanddisturbingsensationslitheredoverher,andafeelingofdreadsettledinhergut.
Shesensedadisastercomingon.“Youbetternotletthepublisherhearyoutalkingthatway.Wehaveabooktofinish.I’massumingthisreunionmarriageisn’tgoingtohappenuntilaftertherelease.”
Therewasalong,unsettlingpause,thenIvysaid,“Um,aboutthat…”Miranda’sheartsunk.“What?”“Ican’tdoit.”“Can’tdowhat?”sheasked,eventhoughshealreadyknewwhatwascoming.“Ican’tpreachtowomenaboutstayingsingle,thenturnaroundandgetmarried.”Mirandafeltsicktoherstomach,andherheadbegantospinsohardandfastshefeltdizzy.
Ivywasgoingtoabandonher?“Soyou’rejustgoingtoquit?”“Notexactly.”AmomentofsilencefromIvy’sendfollowed,andMiranda’sheartslidalittlelowerinher
chest.Howmuchworsecouldthispossiblyget?“I’mnotquitting,”Ivytoldher.“Ineedtopublishabookofmyown,torepairthedamage
Icaused.”Mirandacouldhardlybelievewhatshewashearing.Theyhadapact.Theywereateam.Howcouldshedothis?Howcouldsheturnon
Miranda?“Doesthetermbreachofcontractmeananythingtoyou?Wehavetofinishit.”“Ialreadytalkedwithouragentaboutthat.”Addbetrayaltothetidalwaveoffeelingscrashingoverherheadanddrowningher.“You
wentbehindmyback?”“Notinthewayyouthink.Ihadtobesurethatbybackingoutitwasn’tgoingtohurtyou.
Shethinksshecangetthemtosplitthecontract.Itwouldmeanlessmoney—”“Idon’tcareaboutthemoney,”Mirandainterjected.“—andreworkingwhatwe’vealreadywritten,butIknowyoucandoit.”AndhowwasitthatIvyknewthat?Didshehaveacrystalball?Hadshesuddenlybecome
psychic?“Sure,”Mirandasnappedback.“Don’tworryaboutme.I’lljustwavemymagicwandand
everythingwillbefixed.”Mirandaknewthatgettingnastywasn’tgoingtohelpmatters.SheandIvyhadalways
agreedthatifevertheyshouldpartwaysaswritingpartners,theywouldalwaysremainfriends.
ButMirandawasfeelingthistwangofhurtinhersoul,astingofbetrayalbeyondanythingshe’deverexperienced.
Anddamnit,shewasscared.Shedidn’tknowifshecoulddothisonherown.Andshedidn’twanttotry.“Iknowthingsarealreadycomplicatedforyouwiththebabycoming.Ifeelterriblefor
doingthis,Miranda,Ireallydo.We’vebeenthroughsomuchtogether.ButIhaveto.Icouldn’tlivewithmyselfifIdidn’tsetthingsright.”
ThatmeantMirandaeitherhadtofindanotherwritingpartnerorwritethefollow-upbookfromonlyalawperspective.Withthepsychologicalanglegone,shewasn’tsureshecouldfillanentirebookwithlegaladvicethatwasuniqueenoughtobeasuccessfulfollow-uptotheirfirstbook.Especiallyifshewouldbeindirectcompetitionwithhersoon-to-be-ex-writingpartner.Shedidn’tevenhaveacluewheretobegin.
Ivywasthecreativeone.TheonewhohadtakenMiranda’slegaljargonandbreathedlifeintoit.Keptitfromcrunchingonthepagelikedry,burnttoast.
SheneededIvy.Unfortunately,Ivywasasstubbornasshewassavvy.Onceshemadeuphermind,she
didn’tchangeit.Foranyone.ToobadMirandaandZackhadcompletelyoppositevalues.Asateamtheycouldprobably
writeonehellofabook.Mirandatampeddownthepanicbuildinginherchest,thefearclawingatherinsides.“Do
youhavethedetailsofthisnewcontract?”“Ouragentwillbecontactingusindividuallylaterthisweekaftersheironsthingsoutwith
thepublisher.She’sdoingherbesttogetusanextensiononourdeadline.Hermainconcernisthatwe’llloseourmarketingbudget.Orthattheymightchooseonebookovertheothertopublicize.”
“Thenewsjustkeepsgettingbetter,doesn’tit?”“I’msosorry,Miranda.Ididn’tplanforthis.Itjusthappened.AndIwanttodoallthatI
cantomaketherelationshipworkthistime.”Thoughshefelthurtandbetrayed,shecouldn’tsaythatputinIvy’spositionshewouldn’t
havedonethesamething.Oneofthethingstheyhadstressedinthefirstbookwasthatawomanshouldtrustherowninstinctsandbetoughenough,andbraveenough,totakeastandforwhatshebelievedin.
HowcouldMirandafaultherforthat?WhowasshetojudgewhatwasrightforIvy?“Youknow,”Ivysaid.“Ifpeopleweretofindoutaboutthepregnancyandwhothefather
is,itcouldreallyreinforceyourbeliefs.Youcouldn’taskforamoreeffectivepublicitystunt.”Shewasn’tpreparedtosellZackoutforthesakeofherownstalledcareer.Shedidn’thave
theconstitutionforsuchbrutalwarfare.Maybeitwassilly,butshebelievedthatwhatgoesaroundcomesaround.Andthisonewouldsurelycomebacktobiteherinthebutt.
ShewouldfindawaytomakethisworkwithouttakingZackdownintheprocess.AfterlisteningtoseveralmoreminutesofIvy’sapologies,Mirandahungupthephone
feelinghurtandconfusedand…lonely.BarelyadaypassedwhensheandIvydidn’tspeak.TheideaoflosingthatmadeMiranda’sstomachache.Whowouldsheconfidein?
Shedidn’twantthingstochange.Shelikedherlifethewayithadbeen.Shewascomfortable.Andconfident.
Suddenly,everythingwasdifferent.Butsittingaroundfeelingsorryforherselfwasn’tgoingmakethingsbetter.
Shehadanewbooktoplot.Alone.
Chapter7
“Areyousureyouknowwhatyou’redoing?”“Absolutely,”Zacktoldhissister-in-law,Taylor.Hehadheronspeakerphonewhilehe
unpackedtheboxesinhisofficeandshewaitedforherflighttoboard.“RichardandIworryaboutyou.”“Willhebehometonight?”“He’sstayinginD.C.HehasadinnerwithsomelobbyistwhosenameIcan’trecall.There
aresomanyIlosetrack.Youcantryhiscell.”Hehad.He’dtriedbothhiscellandhisofficeandhehadn’tanswered.“He’sabusyman
thesedays.”“Tellmeaboutit.Ifhe’snotatworkorinameeting,there’salwaysacharitydinnerora
fund-raiserwehavetoattend.Lately,ifIgethimaloneforanhourontheweekendIconsidermyselflucky.Iunderstandnowwhytheotherwivescallthemselveswidows.”
“He’sjustgettingestablished.Itwillgeteasier.”Heemptiedthelastoftheboxandsetitonthestackwiththeothers.“Andthinkhowgoodlifewillbewhenhe’selectedpresident.”
“He’sdeterminedenough.Ifanyonecandoit,hecan.AndIlovethewayyoucleverlymanagedtomanipulatetheconversationsothatwe’renolongerdiscussinghowconcernedweareaboutyou.”
Zackgrinned.Taylorknewallofhistricks.“Nothingtobeconcernedabout.”“Aftereverythingyouguyshavebeenthrough,hewantsyoutobehappy.”“Iwillbe.”“Ifitgetsouttothepress…there’ssomuchatstake—”“It’llbefine.”Hepulledastackofreferencebooksfromaboxonthefloor.Hecheckedthesubjectsandsetthemontheappropriateshelf,alphabeticallybyauthor.
“I’malreadybeginningtowearherdown.”“IthinkImayhavescaredher.YouknowIalwayshavethetendencytocomeontoo
strong.”“I’msureshelikedyou,”hesaid,grabbingyetanotherstack.Heneverrealizedhowmuch
referenceheowneduntilhe’dhadtomoveitall.“Ilikedher,too.Ijusthopeshe’stherightoneforyou.Youhavetoadmitshe’snotthe
kindofwomanyouusuallydate.”Inthepastfewmonths,hisusualdatingpatternshadbeenthenonexistentkind.Latelyitseemedasthougheverywomanhemetwasjust…boring.Itwasprobablywhy
he’dbeensotakenbyMiranda.Shedidn’thaveaboringboneinherbody.Hewouldgosofarastosayhe’dnevermetanotherwomanlikeher.“Maybethat’sexactlythekindofwomanIneed.”
“Ihopeso,becauseIgetthedistinctimpressionthisonewillbeahandful.”Sodidhe.Thatwaskindofwhathelikedabouther.Shechallengedhim.Therewasnever
adullmomentwhenMirandawasaround.“Shetoldmethatyouofferedtothrowherababyshower.Iknowthatcouldn’thavebeen
easyforyou.”“Irefusetoletmyselfdwellonit.”Therewasasadnessinhervoice.Therealwayswas
whenherinfertilityissuescameup.“It’llhappen,”hesaid.“Iknow.”
Hesensedahesitation.“But…?”“It’sjustthatthetreatmentisn’texactlycheapandRichardwasthinkingmaybeitwould
bebestifwebackedoffforacouplemonths.Builtupoursavings.”“Ifyou’rehavingmoneyproblemsyouknowI’m—”“Richardwouldneverallowit.Butthanksfortheoffer.Besides,he’sprobablyright.
We’vebeenatitforasolidyear.Maybewecouldbothuseabreak.I’veheardstoriesofcouplesgoingthroughmonthsoffertilitytreatment,andwhentheyfinallygiveup,ithappensnaturally.”
HehopedthatwasthecasewithTaylor.He’dbeengettingthefeelinglatelythatherinfertilityhadbeguntoputastrainonherandRichard’smarriage.
Theideamadehimalittlenervous.Shewasthebestthingthatcouldhavehappenedtohisbrother.Zackhadintroducedthem
knowingtheywouldbeaperfectfit,knowingshewouldstraightenhimout.Andshehad.“Richcan’twaittoseethenewplace.Maybewecanflyinnextweekend.Spendtheday
together?”“Thatwouldbegreat.”ThesoonerMirandamethisfamily,becameinvolvedinhislife,the
morelikelyshewouldbetowantamorepermanentrelationship.Thismaynothavebeenthewayheplannedhislife,butallthatmatterednowwaswhatwasbestforthebaby.
“AndmaybeheandIcantakeadaytobetogether,justthetwoofus,”Taylorsaid.Shesoundedsosad.“You’resureeverythingisokay?”“It’sjusttough,beingawayfromhimsomuch.MaybeI…Oh,wait,they’recallingmy
flight.Ihavetogo.”“Haveasafeflight.”“Andyouhaveagooddinner.I’lltalktoyousoon.”“Wewill,”hesaid,butshehadalreadydisconnected.Whydidhegetthefeelingtherewas
somethingshewasn’ttellinghim?SomethingpertainingtoherandRich.TheirrelationshipwasthemodelforZack’sbooksandseminars.Hesometimesfeltasif
hisentirecareerhingedontheirmaritalsuccess.HetookcomfortinthefactthatRichardhadjustasmuchtolose.HewasonthefasttrackinD.C.
Somedayhewouldbepresident.Adivorce,foranyreason,couldbepotentialpoliticalsuicide.
Besides,Zacktrustedhim.Theyhadbeenthroughanawfullottogether.Hisbabybrotherwouldneverlethimdown.
Hehoped.Itwasnearlyseven-thirtywhenZackcrossedthestreettoMiranda’scondo.Theirfirstofficialdateandshe’dstoodhimup.Hemighthavebeenworried,butwhenhe’dpeeredouthisfrontwindowacrossthecul-de-
sactoherplace,he’dseenhershadowintheupstairswindow.Backandforthshehadpaced,butwhenhe’dtriedtogetherbyphoneshehadn’tanswered.
Hewouldbeinsulted,buttodenyoccasionallybeingsowrappedupinworkthatthehoursslippedbyunnoticedwouldbealie.Hedidn’tdoubtthat’swhatMirandahaddone.
HesteppeduptoMiranda’sporch,rangthebellandwaited.Andwaited.Herangthebellasecondtimeandwaitedaminutemore.Whatwastakingsolong?Or
hadsheseenhimcomingandwaschoosingnottoopenthedoor?Hehitthebellathirdtime,andasecondlaterthedoorswungopen.TherestoodMiranda,aslightlydazed,marginallyconfusedexpressiononherface.
Whenshefailedtospeak,hesaid,“Hey.”“Hey,what’sup?”“Ithinkyouforgotsomething.”Herbrowfurrowed.“Sorry?”“Youstoodmeup.”Shestilllookedconfused,soheadded,“Dinneratseven.Myplace.”Sheslappedahandtoherforehead.“Oh,mygosh!Isitsevenalready?”“Twenty-fiveafter,actually.”Sheswiveledaroundtochecktheclockhangingabovethemantelofherfireplace.“I’mso
sorry.IwasworkingandIcompletelylosttrackofthetime.”“That’swhatIfigured.Areyouready?”“Ready?”Wow,shereallywasoutofit.“Toeat.”“Oh,right.”Shehesitated,glancinginside,thenacrossthestreettohiscondo.“Ifyouwanttocancel—”“No,ofcoursenot.”Shegaveherheadashake.“I’mjustalittledistracted.Igetlikethat
whenIwork.”Shegrabbedherkeysandsteppedontotheporch.“I’mready.”Hegrinnedandgesturedtoherfeet.“Youmightwanttolosethebunnyslippers.”Shelookeddowntothefuzzyneon-pinkslippersonherfeetandrolledhereyes.“LikeIsaid.Distracted.”Shesteppedbackinsideandkickedofftheslippers,thenslidher
feetintoapairofflip-flops.“Better?”“Much.”“Great,let’sgo.”Sheshutandlockedthedoorbehindher,thenwalkedsilentlybesidehim
acrossthestreet.“How’sthewritinggoing?”heaskedastheysteppedupontotheporch.Sheutteredanoncommittal,“It’sgoing.”Heopenedthefrontdoorforherandshesteppedinside.Sheinhaleddeeply,adreamylook
onherface.“Oh,itsmellswonderful.”“Everythingisdone.Ijustneedtogetitallonthetable.Youcanhelpyourselftowhatever
you’dliketodrink.”Shefollowedhimtothekitchenandopenedthefridge.“Wouldyoulikeanything?”“Abeersoundsgood.”Shegotabottledmineralwaterandabeerfromthefridgewhilehetookthelasagnaand
garlicbreadfromtheovenandsetitonthetablewiththesalad,freshlygroundparmesanandolives.
“Ihopeyoudon’tmindthatwe’reeatinginthekitchenratherthanthediningroom,”hesaid.
Sheshrugged.“Idon’tmind.IusuallyeatinfrontofthetelevisionoratmycomputerwhileIwork.”
Hehadconsideredsettingupthediningroomcompletewithlinennapkinsandcandles,buthedidn’twanttorushthings.Hedidn’tthinkshewasreadyforanintimate,romanticmeal.
Heheldachairforherwhileshesat,thentookhisownseatattheoppositeendofthesmalltable.“Itlookswonderful,”shesaid,settinghernapkininherlap.Hecutthelasagnaintosquares.“Thiswon’tbotheryourstomach?”“Idon’tthinkso.I’mstarving.”
Sheheldoutherplateandhedishedapieceontoit.Shelookedattheplate,thenathim,herbrowfurrowed.“I’meatingfortwo,remember?”Withasmilehedoubledherportionthendishedouthisown.Beforehecouldevengetthe
saladserved,sheloadedherforkwithnoodlesandchunkytomatosaucedrippingwithmozzarellaandprovolonecheese,blewonitforasecond,thentasted.
Thelookonherfaceasshechewedwasoneofsheerbliss.Shetastedthegarlicbreadnextandmoanedwithdelight.“Thisisamazing!Wheredidyoulearntocook?”
“I’mabachelor.IfIdidn’tcook,Iwouldstarve.”Shetriedthesaladnext.“Umm!Whatbranddressingisthis?”“It’shomemade.”“It’sdelicious!I’llhavetoborrowtherecipe.”Hewatchedherwolfdownherfood.Holycow.Shewasshovelingitinlikeacontenderat
apie-eatingcontest.Hewasflatteredthatshewasenjoyingit,butafterseeingherhangingoverthetoiletthismorning,hewasafraidshemightmakeherselfsick.
Butwhatwashesupposedtosay?“Hey,wanttosavesomefortherestofus?”Maybethiswasthewayallpregnantwomenate.Hisexperiencewiththematernally
endowedwaslimited.“Seriously,”shesaid,takingadrinkofherwater.“Youcan’ttellmeyou’renotwealthy
enoughtoaffordacook.”Heshrugged.“Let’sjustsayIhadtodoalotofcookingwhenIwasakid.”“Why?”sheaskedbluntly.Hedidn’tknowifhewasreadytoletherthatdeepintohishead.Hedidn’ttalkaboutthose
days.Hedidn’tevenliketothinkaboutthem.He’dreconciledhimselfwiththepastalongtimeago.
“Mymomworked,”hesaid.Itwasn’talie.Shehadworked.Andbydinnertimeshewasusuallytootipsyortootired—oravaryingcombinationofboth—tocookforZackandhisbrother,andtherewaslittlemoneyfororderingout.
“Minewasastay-at-homemom,”Mirandasaid,grabbinganothersliceofbreadfromthebasket.“Dinneronthetableeverynightbysix-thirty.AndImeaneverynight.Shecouldbedownwiththeflu,andshe’ddragherselfupoutofbedtocook.”Shetookabiteofbreadandlickedherlips.“Isthisrealbutter?”
“Mixedwitholiveoil.Yourdaddidn’thelpout?”“InalltheyearsIlivedthere,Ineversawhimfixhimselfsomuchasasandwich.Asfaras
hewasconcernedcookingwaswoman’swork.Hebroughthomethemoneyandmymomwashisindenturedslave.Shedidallthecookingandthecleaningandthelaundry.”
Whichmayhaveexplainedheraversiontofamilystructure.Hedidn’tdoubtforasecondthatherhusbandhadbeenthesameway.Itwascommonfordaughtersofcontrollingfatherstosubconsciouslylookforthesamequalitiesintheirmate.
“Areyourparentsstillwithyou?”heasked.“Aliveandkicking.”Sheswipedupthelastremnantsofcheeseandsaucewithacornerof
bread,andbeforeshe’dchewedandswallowed,wasdivinginforseconds.Shetookanotherwedgeoflasagnaandathirdsliceofbread.
Eatingfortwo?Lookedtohimlikemaybeshewaseatingforthreeorfour.“Isitpossibleyou’rehavingtriplets?”
“Iknow,canyoubelievethis?I’mstarving!It’sjustsogood.MaybethismeansI’moverbeingsick.”
Thatsoundedlikeoneofthosetoo-good-to-be-truescenariostohim.“Whatdoesyourfatherdo?”
“Mydadisalawyer,mymomalegalsecretary.That’showtheymet.Sheworkedforhim.”
“Siblings?”“Ihavetwoolderbrothers.Bothlawyers.”“That’salotoflawinonefamily.”“Tellmeaboutit.Iwashopingtobecomeapartnerlikemybrothers,butbecauseI’m
femaletheplanwasalwaysformetomarryanotherlawyer,immediatelybeginproducingoffspringwhowouldalsoeventuallybecomelawyers,andgiveupmycareertobeahousewife,likemymomandmysisters-in-law.Mymomwasn’tallowedtogobacktoworkuntilmybrothersandIhadmovedout.”
“Allowed?Areyousuggestingthatshedidn’thaveachoice?”“Iknowshedidn’t.Itwasagainstmyfather’svalues.Hebelievedamothershouldbe
homewithherkids.”“Andshewasunhappywiththatarrangement?”“Shenevercamerightoutandsaidso.Ithinkshepretendedtolikeitformybrothers’and
mysakes,sowewouldn’tknowhowmiserableshewas.ButIcouldtell.Sometimesshewouldlookatmeandgetthissad,almostdistantlookinhereyes.Ithinkitwasherwayofshowingmehowshefeltwithoutactuallysayingthewords.”
“SomehowIcan’tseeyouplayingthehousewiferoleforanyone.”“NeithercouldI.Myhusband,ontheotherhand,sawthingsfrommyfather’sperspective.
Hencemydivorce.”“Whydidyoumarryhiminthefirstplace?”Sheshruggedandsetherforkdown.“Becauseitwaswhatwasexpectedofme.BecauseIwasdesperatetoescapehomeandIhaddeludedmyselfintothinkingthings
wouldbedifferentforme.Ithoughtthatonceweweremarried,Kirkwouldseehowarchaicmyfather’sideasreallywere.”
“Buthedidn’t.”“Ofcoursenot.”“Inmyexperienceworkingwithmarriedcouples,Ican’tbegintocounthowmanytimes
I’veheardthephrase,‘Ithoughthewouldchange’or‘Ithoughtthingswouldbedifferentafterthehoneymoon.’”
Shetookasipofherwater.“Whataboutyourparents?”“Bothdeceased.”Shestoppedchewinglongenoughtoshoothimasympatheticlook.“I’msorry.”Heshrugged.Hewouldhavelikedtobeabletosayhemissedhisparents,orhehadbeen
devastatedwhentheydied,butthetruthwashehadn’tfeltmuchofanything.WhenhisdadpassedawayZackhadn’tseenhimfortenyears.Bythetimehismomdied,thealcoholhadeatensomuchofheraway,shewasbarelymorethanashell.Aghost.“They’vebeengoneawhilenow.”
“Howdidtheydie?”Hehesitated.Shehadbeenprettyopenandhonestwithhim;itwasonlyfairheshowher
thesamecourtesy.Right?It’snotasthoughthetruthwouldn’tcomeouteventually.“MydadwaskilledinacarwreckwhenIwasincollege.Mymomdiedofcirrhosisseveralyearsago.”
Becauseheknewshewaswondering,butprobablywouldn’tcomerightoutandask,headded,“Shebattledalcoholaddictionherwholelife.Thealcoholwon.”
“Howoldwasshe?”“Fifty-eight.”Shesatbackinherseat,thatfamiliarlookofsympathyonherface.Theonehesawevery
timehedivulgedthetruthabouthispast.Forsomereasonitwasalittlelesscondescendingcomingfromher.Itfeltmoregenuine.
Hewonderedhowshewouldreactifhetoldherthewholetruth.It’snotthathewasembarrassedorashamedofwherehe’dcomefrom.Hesimplypreferrednottothinkaboutit.He’dalreadyspenthistimeintherapyreconcilingthepast.Nowpeopletoldhimtheirproblemsandissues,nottheotherwayaround.YethecouldimaginetalkingtoMiranda,tellingherthethingshe’dnevertoldanyonebuthisowntherapist.
Hetrustedher.Whichwasunusual,sincehebarelyknewher.Mirandapushedherplateaway,closedhereyesandswalloweddeeply,asthoughshehad
alumpinherthroat.Uh-oh,shewaslookingalittlegreenagain.“Everythingallright?”heasked.Shetookadeepbreathandblewitout.“IthinkImayhaveeatenabittoofast.”“AnythingIcando?”Sheshookherhead,thencringed.“It’llpass.I’msureI’llbefineinaminute.”Butaminutelatershelookedworse.“CanIgetyousomethingelse?”Lipsclampedshut,sheshookherhead.Herbreathingsoundedshallowandasheenof
sweatmoistenedherforehead.“Maybeyouwouldbemorecomfortableonthecouch.”Orfromthelooksofit,inthe
bathroom.“IfImove,itwillonlygetworse,”shesaid,barelymovingherlips.Shesatwithboth
handscurledoverthearmsofherchair,herknucklessotensethey’dlostallcolor,asthoughshewasholdingonfordearlife.
Therehadtobesomethinghecoulddo.Beforehegotthechancetoask,sheslappedahandoverhermouthandboltedfromher
seat.
Chapter8
“Someonekillme,”MirandamoanedfromZack’sbathroomfloor.Everytimeshethoughtshewasfeelingbetter,hewouldhelpherouttothecouchandget
hersettled,thenshewouldgetthatlook—thatwide-eyed,oh-no-not-againhorror—thenboltforthebathroom.
Unfortunately,hisexperiencewithpregnantwomenwasgrosslylimited.Butaccordingtohissister-in-law,whomhehadphonedafterMiranda’sthirdtimekneelingtotheporcelaingods,itwasanaturalpartoftheprocessandheshouldn’tworrytoomuch.TaylorandRichdidn’thavekidsoftheirownyet,butTaylorwasanauntsixtimesoverandhaddealtwithhershareofpregnantsiblings.
ShesuggestedthatZackbesupportivewithoutbeingoverbearing.Shealsowarnedofmoodswingsandpotentiallyerraticbehavior.Mirandacouldbeperfectlyhappyoneminuteandinthethroesofanemotionalmeltdownthenext,fornoapparentreasonwhatsoever.
Asatherapist,erraticbehaviorwasanormalpartofthejobandnothinghecouldn’thandle.Usually.Thishitalittleclosetohome.
Shesatup,steadyingherselfontheedgeoftheshowerdoor.“Ithinkit’ssafetoassumethemorningsicknessisstillanissue.”
Hehandedheracooldampcloth.“Areyoureadytotrythecouchagain?”Sheleanedbackagainstthetilewallandwipedherface.“IthinkI’drathergohome
instead.”“Areyousure?”Shenoddedandsettheclothontheedgeofthesink.“Ijustwanttocrawlintobedand
sleepuntilmyfourthmonthwhensupposedlythiswillallbeover.”“Wouldyoulikemetostaywithyouforawhile?”Thatoneearnedhimaverysmallsmile.“IthinkI’dratherbealone.Butthanksfor
offering.”Hehelpedherupandgaveherasecondtosteadyherself.Theordealhadtakenalotoutof
herphysically.Shelookedbeat.Shestoppedatthesinktorinsehermouth,thenheguidedhertothedoorandoutontothe
porch.Burntorangetingedthedarkeningwesternsky,andachillnippedathisbarearms.Acoolbreezeruffledhishairandremindedhimofthebriskmorningshe’dspentbeforedawnjoggingalongtheshoreofLakeMichigan.
Latelythereneverseemedtobetime.He’dinsteadusedtheexercisefacilitiesinhisbuilding.
Maybenowwouldbeagoodtimetotakeitupagain.Withhishandrestinglightlyonherback,hewalkedherdownthesteps.Hecouldseeher
fatigueintheslightdipofhershoulders,thetiltofherhead.Hecouldpracticallyfeelitradiatingfrominsideher.Contrarytowhatheknewtobethe
truth,shelookedsmallandfragile.Shestoppedjustshyofthesidewalkandlookedupathim.“Icanmakeitfromhere.”“We’vecomethisfar,Imightaswelltakeyoutherestoftheway.”“Youdon’thaveto.”“I’mheretohelptakecareofyou.Remember?”
Shelookedupathimasthoughshewasabouttosaysomething.Probablythatshedidn’tneedanyonetotakecareofher.Thenshejustsighedandshookherhead.
“Fine.”Theycrossedthestreetataleisurelypace.Sheunlockedherfrontdoorundertheglowof
theporchlightandheprecededherinside,shuttingthedoorbehindthem.Theroomwasdark,sosheswitchedonthelampbesidethecouch.
Shetossedherkeysdownonthecoffeetableandturnedtohim.“Ihadareallygoodtime.Youknow,upuntiltheickypart.”
“Me,too.”Hegenuinelyenjoyedhercompany.Uponfirstmeetingher,he’dbeenabituncertainofheraggressivenature.Thetypeofwomanhetypicallygravitatedtowardtendedtobeabitmoresubdued.Yethehad—andstill—foundherimpossibletoresist.Andhewassurehewouldgetusedtoherconstantlyquestioningandsecond-guessinghim.
Ifnothingelse,lifewithherwouldneverbeboring.Hegesturedtothestairs.“I’llwalkyouup.”Sheglancedatthestairs,thenbackathim.“Ifeelmuchbetter.”Hefoldedhisarmsacrosshischest.“What’syourpoint?”“Mypointis,Icanhandlethingsfromhere.”Hedidn’tbudge.Didshethinkshe’dgetridofhimthateasily?“Idon’tdoubtthatyou
can.”Shesighedloudlyandrolledhereyes.“I’mnotfive.Idon’tneedyoutotuckmeintobed.”Sheapparentlywasfeelingbetter.Theattitudewasback.“Whyareyousoafraidtoaccept
myhelp?”Shegaveoneofthosesquinty-eyed,yeah,rightlooks.“Youdon’treallythinkthereverse
psychologymumbojumboisgoingtoworkonme,doyou?”Heshrugged.“Notreally,butitwasworthashot.”“Look,Isympathizewithyouroverwhelmingurgetomicromanagemylife.It’sactually
sortofsweetinawarped,creepyway.Andhey,I’msuretherearealotofwomenouttherewhowouldlovetheattention.Butlet’sfaceit.I’mnotoneofthem.”
“I’mallowedtoworryaboutyou.”“I’llbefine.It’snotasifIdon’thaveyourphonenumber.Hell,Icouldjustshoutacross
thestreetandyouwouldprobablyhearme.Sogohome.IfIneedyouI’llcall.”Hesensedhewaspushingheralittletooclosetothelineanddecideditwouldbebestif
hebackoff.Heheldhishandsupinsurrender.“Youwin.I’llgo.”Hegesturedoverhisshouldertothedoor.“I’lllockupforyouonmywayout.”“Thankyou.Andthanksfordinner.Itreallywaswonderful.”“Mypleasure,”hesaid,confidentthattherewouldbemanymoredinnerstogetherinthe
future.Shestartedtoturn,andhesaid,“Wait.”Hecouldn’tlethergowithouttouchingheronelasttime.Shesighedagain,regardinghimwithahintofexasperation.“Whatnow?”Hesteppedcloser,hiseyeslockedonhers.Hersweresoftandwarmandintelligent.And
maybeatouchbemused,asthoughshejustwasn’tsurewhattomakeofhim.Inthelamplighthercheekslookedrosyandsmoothandherdarkhairglimmered.Hehadthedistinctandoverwhelmingurgetonotjusttuckherintobed,buttoclimbinwithher.
Allingoodtime.
Withonehandhegentlybrushedthehairbackfromherforehead,hisfingertipsbarelybrushingherskin,andhecouldswearsheshivered.And,oh,mandidhefeelit,too.Fromthetipsofhistoesallthewaytohisscalp.
Afterasecondhelethishanddropandbackedaway.“Givemeacalltomorrowmorningandletmeknowhowyou’refeeling.”
Sheswallowed,thennodded.“Ipromise.”Foraninstanthehadthefeelingshewantedtosaysomethingelse,thensheturnedand
headedupstairs.Ashewasleaving,henoticedherkeyslyingonthecoffeetable.Helookedatthelockonherdoor,thenbacktothekeysandgrinnedtohimself.
Hescoopedthemupandwalkedout.Mirandawokeslowly,themutedsoundofmusicpenetratingthehazeofsleepcloudingher
head.Whowouldbeplayingmusicthatloudthislateatnight?Shepeekedthroughpartiallyopenlidsattheclockandrealizeditwasn’tlastnight
anymore.Itwasmorning.Abrand-newday.Anotherdaytobesick.Shecouldbarelycontainherexcitement.Themusicstoppedandsheheardvoices,andwhatsoundedlikeanewsprogram.Hadsheleftthetelevisiononlastnightbeforeshewenttobed?Asshegraduallycameawakeandthecobwebscleared,sherememberedthatshehadgone
toZack’slastnight,hadcomehomeandgonestraighttobed.Shehadn’teventurnedonthetelevision.Couldherneighborsbeplayingtheirtelevisionloud?
Thehardershelistened,shecouldtellthesoundwascomingfromdownstairsinherowncondo.Therewasonlyonepersonsheknewwhowouldhavethenervetopopoverandlethimselfinuninvited.
Shesatupandswungherfeettothefloor,regrettingthesuddenmovementtheinstantherstomachwenthaywire.Ifshehadlearnedanythingthesepastcoupleofweeksitwasnosudden,jerkymovementsfirstthinginthemorning.
Shesatverystillforaminute,untilthewoozyfeelinginherbellyandtheswimmysensationinherheadreachedatolerablelevel.
Stillinherjammies,shewalkedveryslowlydownthehall.ShepassedherofficeandwasremindedofIvy’sphonecallyesterday,andthewayshehadpacedthefloorforhoursstrugglingtobrainstormnewideasforabook.Andcomingupblank.
Sheshookthethoughtaway.Oneproblematatime.Shefoundthesourceofhercurrentdilemmasittingonhercouch,watchingthemorning
news,dressedinaT-shirt,nylonshortsandrunningshoes.Hisdisguise,thebaseballcapandsunglasseswerebesidehimonthecushion.Hewassweaty,rumpledandunshaven,andshecouldn’tstopherselffromwonderinghowamansosophisticatedandculturedcouldlookso…hot.Andtheworstpartwas,shepreferredthislooktotheseriousgurupersona.
Ifshewasn’tsonauseousshewouldbeinsomeserioustrouble.Sheproppedherhandsonherhipsandwentforasternlook.“Dowehavealistening
problem?”Helookedupatherandflashedthatmischievousgrin—theonethatwasbeginningtolook
awfullyfamiliar—andherattractionshimmiedupalevel.Shefeltherselfmeltthetiniestbitmore.Sheneverwouldhaveimaginedtheguruwouldhaveacute,playfulsidetohispersonality,butthereitwas,smackingherrightintheface.Andforasecondsheforgotallaboutbeingsick,andinsteadbegantoimaginewhathelookedlikeunderthatT-shirt.
Yep,shewasinserioustrouble.
Hegrabbedtheremoteandswitchedthetelevisionoff.“Goodmorning.”Sheadoptedatonetomatchthelook.“Don’t‘goodmorning’me.Whatareyoudoing
here?”Thesmileneverwavered.“Watchingtelevision.”Forasmartperson,itwasamazinghowwellheplayeddumb.“DoIevenwanttoknow
howyougotintomyhouse?”“Iusedthekey.”Ofcourse.Thatmadeperfectsense.Ifshedisregardedthefactthatshehadn’tgivenhimakey.“Andhowexactlydidyou
comeintopossessionofakeytomycondo?”“LastnightItoldyouIwouldlockup.Icouldn’tverywelllockthedeadboltwithouta
key.SoIborrowedyours.”Themanhadalogicalanswerforeverything,didn’the?“Andletmeguess.Nowyou’re
justreturningthem.”Againwiththeadorablegrin.Shehadtostrugglenottosmileback.“You’recutewhenyou’repretendingtolookangry,”hesaid.Sheraisedherchinanotch.Shehatedthewayhecouldseerightthroughher.“WhosaysI’mpretending?”Herosefromthecouch,stillwearingthatgrin,distractingherwiththeflexandplayofall
thatleanmuscleandgoldenskin.Foraanothersecondsheforgotallaboutherupsetstomach.Shewastoobusyinspectinghisbiceps.Theweightofhisthighs.
Verynice.Hegesturedtotherecliner.“HaveaseatandI’llgetyourbreakfast.”“Breakfast?”Thisvisitinvolvedfood?Dinnerlastnight,andnowthis?“Teaandcrackers,right?”“But—”“Sit,”hesaidsternly,andwasenroutetothekitchenbeforeshecouldproduceasnappy
comeback.Shehuffedoutanimpatientbreath.Whodidhethinkhewas,bargingintoherhouseand
orderingheraround?Sheshouldfollowhim.Sheshouldgetindignantandmakeabigfussabouthim
smotheringher.Sheshouldrantandcomplainuntilhepromisedtodothingsherway.Thethingwas,havingherbreakfastpreparedandservedtoherwasatoughonetoresist.
Whenwasthelasttimesheletsomeonepamperheralittle?Nottomentionthatdespitejustdraggingherselfoutofbed,shewasexhausted.
Puttingupafuss,startinganargument,soundedliketoomuchdarnedworkrightnow.Woulditkillhertoletitslidethisonetime?Justsolongasthisneverhappenedagain.
Later,whenshewasfeelinguptoit,theywouldhaveanotherchataboutboundaries.Andwherehisbegan.Sheshuffledtoherreclinerandsettledin.“Whenit’sagoodtimeforyou,I’dliketogettogetherandcoordinateourschedules,”he
calledfromtheotherroom.“IclearedmyschedulesoIwouldhavetimetowrite,”shecalledback.“Mylifeisnot
whatyouwouldcallexcitingrightnow.”“ThenI’lljustgiveyouacopyofmine.Idon’twanttobehalfwayacrossthecountry
whenyouhaveadoctor’sappointment.”
Shecouldheartheclinkofflatwareagainststoneware,thecrinkleofthecrackerpackage.“Myfour-monthcheckupisonMondaythetenth.Doesthatworkfor
you?”“That’sperfect.IleaveforWashingtonthatTuesday.”Butthatwasbarelythreeweeksaway.Hejustgothere!Waitaminute,wasthatdisappointmentshewasfeeling?SureshelikedZack,butshe
didn’tneedhimaround.Shekepthertonecasualandasked,“Howlongwillyoubegone?”Zackreappearedwithherteaandcrackers.“Why,aregoingtomissme?”Shemadeashowofrollinghereyesathim.“Don’tflatteryourself.I’mjusttryingto
coordinateourschedules.”“Fourteendays,tenappearances.”Yow.“Tightschedule,huh?”“Italwaysis.Andit’sexhausting.”Hehandedherthecupandsettheplatebesideheronthetable,thenmadehimself
comfortableonthecouch.“Thanks.”Shesippedandofcourseitwasperfect.Perfectstrength,justtherightamount
ofhoney.Howdidhedothat?He’dbeenherelessthantwenty-fourhoursandalreadyheknewtheexactwaytopreparehertea?
“Iguessyou’renotfeelingtoobadtoday,”hesaid.Shesethercupdown.“Whatmakesyouthinkthat?”“Thesnark.WhenyoufeelokayallIgetisattitude.Whenyoufeelsickyougetkindasoft
andmushy.”Heleanedforwardslightly,thatcome-hitherlookinhiseyes.“Ilikeitwhenyou’resoftandmushy.”
Suddenlyshewasfeelingalittlesoftandmushy,mostlyinherhead.Shedistractedherselfwithnibblingthecornerofasaltine.“Idon’tfeeltoobad,actually.
Queasy,butnothinglikelastnight.”“I’mglad.”Shewas,too,becauseshehadalongdayaheadofher.She’dcalledheragentyesterday,
andnewsfromthepublisherwasexpectedtoday.Shewashopingandprayingtheygavehersomeideaofwhattheymightbelookingfor.Someinklingofadirectionsheshouldtake.Onherownshewasclueless.
Zacklacedhisfingersbehindhisheadandleanedbackagainstthecushion,andshewasinstantlydistractedfromherthoughts.Shewasinsteadhypnotizedbytheflexandpullofmuscleinhisarms,thecordedstrengthinhisneck.Shecouldswearhewasdoingitonpurpose.Washetryingtomakeherdrooldownthefrontofherpajamas?
Therewasaquickknock,thenthefrontdoorflewopen.“Hey,Miranda!Areyou—”
Chapter9
“Decent?”LiannestoppeddeadinhertrackswhenshesawMirandaandZacksittingthere.“Oops,sorry!Ididn’tknowyouhadcompany.”
Itdidn’tescapeMirandathatZack’sdisguisewasinconvenientlyonthecouchbesidehim.Butitwouldberudenottoformallyintroducethem.
“Lianne,thisisZack,”Mirandasaid,avoidinglastnames.Liannehadbeenontheself-helprollercoasterenoughtimestorecognizethenameZackJameson.
“Zack,thisismyneighbor,Lianne.”Zackrosetohisfeet.“Wemetyesterday.”Liannelookedathim,aconfusedlittlesmileonherface,asthoughshewassureshe’d
seenhimsomewherebeforebutshecouldn’tquiteplaceit.Asawriter,shewasincrediblyobservant.Itwasprobablyonlyamatteroftimebeforerecognitionsetin.
Itdidn’ttakelong.Lianne’smouthfellopenandsheutteredabreathy,“Oh,myGod.”ShelookedfromZack
toMiranda,thenbacktoZack.Theirsecretwasdefinitelyout.Andithadbeensuchagoodmorningupuntilnow.Wasn’tthisgoingtobefuntoexplain.“Zack,couldyougiveusaminute?”Mirandaasked.Zackgrabbedhiscapandglassesandputthemon.“Sure.Istillhaveunpackingtodo.It
wasniceseeingyouagain,Lianne.”“You,too,”Liannesaid.“We’lltalklater,”ZacktoldMiranda,thenlethimselfout.ThesecondthedoorsnappedclosedLianneturnedtoMirandaandasked,“Haveyou
completelylostyourmind?”Sheneverhadbeenonetomincewords.Mirandasighedandletherheadfallbackagainst
thechair.“Ithinkso.”“Howinthehelldidyouwindupsleepingwith…”Liannejabbedanaccusingfingerher
way.“Theradioshow!That’swhenithappened,isn’tit?”“Well,weweren’tactuallyontheradiowhenithappened.”“Iknewit!Iknewyouwereactingweirdwhenyougotback.Fortwoweeksbeforethe
showallyoucouldtalkaboutwaswhatacretinthisguywas,thenyoucamebackand…nothing.WhenIaskedyouwhathewaslikeyoujustshruggeditoff.”
Shewasinfullrant,now.“YoutoldmetheguywasfromChicago.”“HeisfromChicago.”“WhenyousaidChicagoIfiguredyouactuallysleptwithhiminChicago.”Andwhatdifferencediditmakewhereshesleptwithhim?HaditbeenChicagoinstead,
shewouldn’tbeanylesspregnant.Itwasdone.Therewasnogoingback.“Doesitreallymatterwhereithappened?”
“Isupposenot.”Calmer,shesatonthecouchandfoldedherlegsunderher.“SoletmeseeifIhavethisright.Youhavenoplanstomarryhim,orevenbeinacommittedrelationshipwithhim?”
“Nope.”“You’regoingtohaveachildoutsideofmarriagewiththefamily-valuesguy?”“Yup.”
“Whatdidyoudo?Askyourself,‘ofallthemenintheworld,whowouldbetheworstpossibleonetofathermychild?’thenhavesexwithhim?”
ShemadeitsoundasthoughMirandahadsleptwiththehunchbackofNotreDame.“Jeez,Lianne,he’snotthatbad.”“Ofcoursehe’snot.He’ssmartandrichandrankswayaboveaverageonthelooksscale.
But,correctmeifI’mwrong,don’tyoutwohaveaslightconflictofinterest?”“Ididn’tplanthis,youknow.Itjustsortofhappened.”“Andhe’sokaywithnotgettingmarried?”“Hewantsto,butItoldhimno.”“Ofcourseyoudid.”“Iwouldreallyappreciateitifyoudidn’tsayanythingtoanyoneaboutthis.Youcanprobablyimaginewhatamessthatwouldpotentiallybe.”“OfcourseIwon’t.Butdamn,Miranda,ifyouknewhewasmovinginacrossthestreet
youcouldhaveatleastwarnedme.”Mirandabitherlip.AsmilecreptacrossLianne’sface.“Youhadnoidea,didyou?”“IknewhewastemporarilymovingtoTexas.Theacross-the-streetpartwasasurprise.”Lianneshookherhead.“Oh,man,amIgladI’mnotinyourshoes.Amanlikethat,there’s
nodoubthe’sgoingtotrytoconvinceyoutomarryhim.”“So?”“We’vealreadyestablishedhismanyassets.Anywomanwouldbeecstatictomarryhim.”“Anywomanbutme,Iguess.”“Admitit,youlikehim.”Toclaimotherwisewouldbealie.“Okay,Ilikehim.”“Andsinceyousleptwithhimonce,I’massumingtheideaofsleepingwithhimagainis
notcompletelyrevolting.”Farfromit.“Ofcoursenot.ButIstilldon’tseetheproblem.”“Sowhatyou’vegotisagorgeous,rich,manwhomyouadmittedlylikeandwanttosleepwith,livingacrossthestreetandwhoisdeterminedtowinyouover.”Whenshesaiditthatway…”What’syourpoint?”sheasked,nolongersoundingassureof
herself.“Mypointis,ifyou’regoingtogetthroughthisasinglewoman,youhavetofindthe
strengthtokeeptellinghimno.”“I’mnotgoingtomakeittotheparty,”Mirandatoldhermom,acrossthesafetyofthe
phoneline,whereshewouldn’tseethelookofdisappointmentonherface.She’dbeendreadingthiscallallweek,knowingitwouldbuyheraone-wayticketontheReedfamilyguilttrip.
Ofcourse,attendingherniece’sbirthdaypartywouldhavebeentwiceasbad.Fromthekitchensheheardthewhistleofthekettle,theclatterofdishes,asZackfixedher
tea.“Wehaven’tseenyouinmonths,”hermomsaid.“Youpromisedtobethere.”Itwasn’tthefirsttimeshe’dbrokenapromise.She’dhavethoughttheywouldhavecome
toexpectitbynow.Hadn’therlifealwaysbeenonegiganticdisappointmenttothem?“ButI’msick,”Mirandatoldher.“It’sanawfulflu.JoeyandToddwouldneverforgive
meifIpasseditalongtotheirfamilies.”
Shedidn’tsayit,butMirandaknewwhathermomwasthinking.Therewasalwaysalogicalreason,arationalexcuseforMirandatomissoutoneveryfamilyfunctionforthepastsixmonths.
Thistimeitwasatleastpartiallytrue.Shedidfeelsick,althoughitwasunlikelyshewouldbepassingitontosomeoneelse.Andeventhoughshewasn’tshowingyet,infactshehadactuallylostweightinthepastmonth,shewasafraidhermomandsisters-in-lawwouldtakeonelookatherandbeabletotell.Theywouldknowshewaspregnant,andMirandastillhadn’tdecidedwhatshewantedtotellthem.Andthelongershewaited,theharderitwouldbe.
“Iseverythingokaywithyou?”hermomasked.“Otherthantheflu,Imean.”Itwastheperfectopportunitytoblurtitout,totellherthetruth.Butshecouldn’tmake
herselfdoit.Notyet.“Everythingisfine.Whywouldn’titbe?”“You’vebeensodistant.”Couldsheblameher?Miranda’sbookhadn’texactlybeenwellreceivedbyherfamily.
Theconstantchiding,theman-haterjabsfromherflawlesssisters-in-law,werenotMiranda’sideaoffun.
“I’vejustbeenbusyworkingonthesecondbook,”shetoldhermom.Ablatantlie.Shehadn’twrittenaword.Heck,shehadn’tevencomeupwithaviableidea.
“Maybeyoucouldcomebyfordinnernextweek.Wemissyou.”Zackappearedinthekitchendoorwaywithherteaandcrackers.Helookedather
questioningly,asthoughhewasunsureifheshouldinterruptherconversation.Shemotionedhimintotheroom.“I’llcallyou,”shetoldhermom.Shemissedthem,too.Shehadalwaysbeenclosetoher
family.Butthingschange.“Ihavetogonow.”“Takecareofyourself,andcallmewhenyou’refeelingbetter.”“Iwill.Talktoyousoon.”Shehitthedisconnectbuttonanddroppedthephoneinherlap.
Zacksetherteaandcrackersdownonthetablebesideher.Shewonderedhowmuchoftheconversationhe’dheard.Andheknewbetterthantoask.Herrelationshipwithherfamilywasoneoftheirdon’t-even-go-theresubjects.
“Youknow,ifyougavemeakey,youwouldn’thavetogetupandopenthedoorformeeverymorning,”hesaid.“Insteadofsittingherewaitingformetofixit,youcouldbehavingbreakfastinbed.”
“Nothappening.”She’dgrudginglyopenedthedoorforhimeverydayforthepasttwoweeks.Shehadacceptedthefactthatwhenitcametohimtakingcareofher,hewouldn’tacceptnoforananswer.Andthoughshewouldnevergosofarastoadmitittohim,shewasgratefulforhishelp.
Buttherewasstillthatannoyinglittlevoiceinhersubconscious,whisperingwarningsinherear,tellinghershe’dbeguntogrowdependentonhim.IntheotherearshecouldhearLiannesnickering,tellingherthatifshedidn’ttakecontrol,
didn’tstartlayingdownsomerules,shewasasgoodasmarriedalready.Itwassoundadvice,butshecouldn’tdredgeuptheenergytodoadamnedthingaboutit.
Shewouldworryaboutsettingthingsstraightwhenshewasfeelinglesssick,andnotsotiredallthetime.Shefeltlikesuchasluglately.Shebarelymadeitthroughluncheverydaywithoutfallingasleepinherplate.Itwasthesortoffatiguethatseemedtosettledeepinherbonesandsuckeverylastbitofenergyfromhermuscles.
Andifshewasgoingtobeperfectlyhonestwithherself,shewouldhavetoadmitthatshelikedZack.Likedasin,shewasbeginningtoformamajorcrushontheguy.
Hewassodifferentfromthemenshewasusedto.Sodamnedagreeable.Andthoughshewouldliketobeabletosayshehadcontrolintheirrelationship,hedefinitelyhadtheupperhand.Theweirdthingwas,henevertookadvantageofit.Ifhewaspushingtoofar,andsawherbeginningtosquirm,hedidn’thesitatetobackoff.Althoughlatelyshe’dbeendoingalotlesssquirmingandhe’dbeeninsinuatinghimselfalittlefurtherintoherlifeeveryday.
Butinsteadoffeelingsmotheredandclaustrophobicitwasalmost…comfortable.Zacktookaseatonthecouch,wherehealwayssat.Asusual,hewasinhisjoggingattire,
hishairadorablymussedfromacombinationofsweatandthebaseballcapontheseatbesidehim.
Hisfacialhairwasfullerandshapedintoaneatlytrimmedmustacheandgoatee.Andsofarnoonehadrecognizedhim—noonebutLianne—soapparentlythedisguise
wasasuccess.Therealtestwouldbetodayatherdoctor’sappointment.“Whattimeisyourappointment?”heasked,asthoughhe’dpluckedthethoughtrightout
ofhermind.Thatseemedtobehappeningalotlately.Tobothofthem.Shewouldsaysomethingand
hewouldclaimtohavejustbeenthinkingthesamething.Andthemoretimetheyspenttogether,themoreitoccurred.Itwasasthoughtheyhadsomeweirdpsychicconnection.
She’dheardofcoupleshavingsimilarexperiences,buttechnicallytheyweren’tacouple.Couldthepregnancybetoblame?Couldhavingababytogetherlinktwopeoplethatdeeply?
Andifso,woulditgoawayafterthebabywasborn?Orwouldtheybestuckreadingeachother’smindsfortherestoftheirlives?
“Ihavetobethereatfour,”shetoldhim.“Weshouldleaveatthreeforty-five.”“We’lltaketheMustang.”Itwasn’tanoffersomuchasademand.Shewouldnormallyinterpretthatsortofcommentaspigheadedandsexist.Especiallycomingfromhim.Hewastheman,soheshoulddothedriving.Buthaving
livedacrossthestreetfromhimfortwofullweeksnow,sheknewhisdesiretodrivehadnothingtodowithgender,andeverythingtodowiththevehicle.
Thatcarwashisbaby.Morethanonce,inthethroesofagonizing,unbearablewriter’sblock,she’dwatchedhim
fromherofficewindowpamperingit.She’dwitnessedhimrubbingthebodywithabuffingclothuntiltheshinewasbrightenoughtoinduceamigraine.Shehadseenhimliftthehoodfornootherreasonthantostandandgazelovinglyattheengine.Hecheckedthetirepressureeachtimehedroveit,beforeandafterthetrip.
Shewouldgosofarastosaythathewasobsessed.Herbrothershadbeenthesamewaywiththeiradolescentmusclecars,butnowthey
preferredtheirforeignimports.MercedesorBMWs.Sheknewhersisters-in-lawwouldsettlefornoless.Thosetwoweretheidealtrophywives,pluckedoutofidenticalshells,whohadgivenbirthtotheperfectoffspring.
VisitingtheirhomeswasliketakingatriptoStepford.Orhell.Whichiswhysherarelyvisited.“Doyouthinkyou’llfeeluptovisitingwithTaylorandRichonSaturday?”Zackasked.Shewouldforceherself.RichwasflyinginallthewayfromD.C.tomeether,andfrom
whatMirandaunderstood,he’dhadtocancelseveralspeakingengagementsjusttofindthetime.“I’msureI’llbefine.”“WillyoubeallrightifIheadhome?”Zackasked.“IhaveacolumnIneedtofinish.”
“Ofcourse,”shesaid,buttherewasanundeniablehintofdisappointmenttuggingattheedgeofherconscience.
Heusuallystayedlonger,atleastuntilshe’dfinishedherbreakfast.Hewashedthedishesforherandsetthemonthedrainboardtodry—ataskherexwouldhaveneverloweredhimselftoperform.Bythen,ifshewasstillfeelingicky,Zackwouldsitandtalkwithheruntilherstomachsettledandshehadtheenergytohaulherselfintothebathroomforashower.
Thatlittlevoicegnawedrelentlesslyatherear,tellinghershewasgettingtooclose.Toodependent.She’dlostcontrol.
Shewoulddefinitelyhavetodosomethingaboutthis.Whenshefeltuptoit,thatis.Besides,whatharmwouldonemoredaydo?Shewassureshewouldbefeelingbettertomorrow.Shewouldtalktohimthen.
Andmaybetomorrowshewouldcomeupwithadamnedideaforthebook.Maybethenshewouldstartwritingandeverythingwouldbeokay.
Thatfamiliarfeelingofdreadcurdledinherstomachlikesourmilk.Thefeelingshegoteverytimesheletherselfthinkabouthowproductivethepastweekhadn’tbeen.
Zack’sbrowwrinkled.“Everythingokay?”“Sure,ofcourse.”“Forasecondthereyouwerelookingalittlegreen.”That’sfunny,shewasfeelingalittlegreen,too.“I’mfine,really.Idon’tfeeltoobadthis
morning.Goaheadandgettowork.”Helookedhesitant.“You’resure?”“Don’tIsoundsure?”shesnapped.Heshrugged.“Noneedtobitemyheadoff.”Relax,Miranda,it’snothisfault.He’snottheoneruiningyourcareer.You’redoingthat
allbyyourself.Shecouldn’thelpthinkingaboutherexandwhathewouldhavedoneinasituationlikethis.Sufficeittosayhewouldstillbeberatingherforraisinghervoicetohim.
Zack,ontheotherhand,shruggeditoff.Washeforreal?Orwasitanact?Wouldhistruepersonalityeventuallyemerge?“Sorry,”shesaid.“I’mokay.AndIknowwhereyouareifIneedyou.”“I’llcallinabittocheckuponyou.”Hestoodandputonhisdisguise.“Callifyouneed
anything.”“Iwill.”Heopenedthedoor,thenhesitated.“Areyousureyou’reokay?”No.Notreally.Rightnoweverythingwasamessandshedidn’thaveacluehowtofixit.Sheforcedasmile.“Really,I’mfine.IthinkI’mjustsickoffeelingsick.”“It’llgeteasier,”heassuredher.“Justgiveitsometime.”Shehopedhewasright,butforsomereasonshefearedthiswasonlythetipoftheiceberg,
andbeforetheygotbetter,thingsweregoingtogetalotworse.Zackcalledtocheckonheranhourafterheleft.Thenagainanhourlater.Hecalledagain
atthreetoconfirmthattheyweremeetinginhisdrivewayatthree-fortytoleaveforherappointment.Ifnothingelse,theguywasthorough.
Atthree-fortyasplanned,shesteppedoutontoherporchand,aspromised,Zackwaswaitingforher,standingbesidehisbaby.
Shegrinned,shookherheadandstartedacrossthestreet.Atthistimeofdayshedidn’tworrytoomuchabouttheneighborsseeingsincemostofthemwerestillatwork.Besides,soonerorlatertheyweregoingtocatchon.Andwhenherpregnancybegantoshow,which
wouldbesoon,therewouldbenodisguisingwhatroleZackplayedinherlife.Thatdidn’tmeantheyhadtoknowwhohewas.
AccordingtoLianne,therehadbeensometalk.Whowastheelusivenewneighbor,andwhywashealwaysgoingtoMiranda’shouse?LiannehadsmootheditoverbytellingoneoftheirneighborsthatZackwasafriendofMiranda’swhohadbeenlookingforaplacetoliveandcoincidentallytherehadbeenonerightacrossthestreet.
Itwouldbeonlyamatterofdaysbeforetheinformationmadetherounds.Andthebestpartwas,itwasn’talie.Notcompletelyanyway.
Shecrossedthestreet.TheMustangglimmeredinthesunlightandZackstoodtherelikeaproudfather,beaming.
“Menandtheirtoys,”shesaid.“Toy?ThisisaMustangBoss429.”“Really.Well,it’s…cute,”shesaid,butonlybecausesheknewitwouldirritatehim.Helookedhorrifiedandappalled.“Didyoujustsaycute?”“Yeah.”“Thiscarhasa335horsepowerengine.IthasF60x15raisedwhiteletteredtires,Magnum
500wheels,atrunkmountedbattery,competitionsuspension,slottedanddrilleddiscbrakesandtractionlockrear.Thisisamusclecar,sweetheart.Itisnotcute.”
Sheheldherhandsupinsurrender.“Istandcorrected.Itsoundsfun.”Thatoneearnedheranothersquinty-eyedglare.“Sorry.Howabout,itsoundsexhilaratingand…inspiring?”“Better.”“CanIdriveit?”Helookedalittlesurprisedbythequestion.“Youwanttodrive?”“Ifit’sthatawesomeanexperience.”Sheheldoutherhandforthekeys.“Sure.”“Rightnow?”Maybehethoughtshedidn’tknowhow.He’dneveractuallyseenherdrive.Shehadn’t
beenawayfromthecomplexforweeks.Whensheneededsomethingandeventalkedabouttakingaquicktriptothecornerstore,healwaysofferedtorunupandgrabitforher.Andsincesheneverreallyfeltuptodoingitherself,andsheknewhewaslookingforopportunitiestotakehisbabyout,sheacquiesced.“Whynot?Idoknowhow.”
Heshotherascrutinizinglook.“Youthinkyoucanhandleallthispower?”Sheshothimalookrightback.Therewerestillalotofthingshedidn’tknowabouther.
“Don’tbefooledbythesoft,feminineexterior.Ihadolderbrothers.Theytaughtmetodriveincarslikethis.”
Heshruggedandheldoutkeys.“Knockyourselfout.”Shecouldn’tsuppressasmile.Hewouldactuallyletherdriveit.Hisbaby.Thathadtobesomekindofprogress.Right?Somesortofsign.“That’sokay.Youcandrive.”Helookedthoroughlyconfused.“Ididn’treallywanttodrive,”sheexplained.“Ijustwonderedifyou’dletme.”“Sothatwasatest?”“Sortof,Iguess.”Grinningandshakinghishead,hewalkedaroundtothepassenger’ssideandopenedher
doorforher.Sheslippedintothepolishedleatherbucketseat.Theinteriorwaspristine.
Hebracedhisarmonthetopandleanedintotheopendoorway.“Ifthiswasatest,how’dIdo?”
“Youpassedwithflyingcolors.”Hestoodthereforamoment,bentover,hiseyespinnedonhers.Theyweredeepand
swimmingwithanemotionshejustcouldn’tread.Itwasn’tdesireexactly,butsomethinglikeit.Lustmaybe,butsubtler.
Whateveritwas,thehaironthebackofherneckshiveredtoattentionandherheartfluttered.Thenheleanedforwardthetiniestbit,hismouthsoclose,hislipslookingsoftandtasty.
Andshewantedanibble.Hiseyesstrayedtohermouthandsettledthere.Oh,boy,hewasgoingtokissher.Shefelt
herselfmoving,leaningclosertothetemptationofhismouth,towhatsheknewwouldbeasfantasticanexperienceasithadbeenbefore.Shewantedtotastehimandtouchhim.
Hewasgoingtokissherandtherewasnothingshecoulddotostophim.Hehoveredthereforasecond,whileherheartwentwildinherchest,thenhejustsmiled
andshutherdoor.Inthosefewseconds,shewassobreathlessshefeltasifshe’drunamarathon.Ittookherasecondtorealizewhathadhappened,whathisintentionhadbeen.Hehadbeentestingher,too.Hewantedtoknowwhatwouldhappenifhe’dtriedtokiss
her.Andbyleaningtowardhim,she’dansweredloudandclear.Whatifthenexttimehedidn’tstop?
Chapter10
Zack’sdisguisewasabighitatthedoctor’soffice.Hewasanamelessfacethatnoonesparedmorethanacourteousnodorsmile.
He’dbeeninthepubliceyelongenoughtoknowthetricksofblendingin.Notonlywasitthebaseballcap,glassesandbeard,orthecasualjeans,nerdybutton-upshort-sleevedshirtandtennisshoes.Itwasthemannerinwhichhecarriedhimself.Bodylanguagethatmadehimappearslightlylesssureofhimself.
Itwasthehintofhesitationwhenheenteredaroom.Thesubtlehunchofhisshouldersundertheshirtthatwasjustatadtoolarge.Thebarelyperceptibledipofhisheadwhenpeoplemadeeyecontact.Hewaswary,andmaybealittleshy.Aloner.Definitelynotthekindofmanyouwouldexpecttofinduponastagelecturinginacrowdedauditoriumorpromotinghislatestbookonthemorningnewsshow.
Hewasnodifferentfromeveryoneelseinthewall-to-wall-packedwaitingroom—and,holycow,he’dneverseensomanypregnantwomeninoneplace.
Afterseveralminutesofsittingthereinanonymity,Mirandaleanedcloseandwhispered,“IhavetoadmitIwasalittleworriedaboutusbeingdiscovered,but,damn,you’regood.IfeelasthoughI’msittingherewithastranger.”
“Yearsofpractice,”hewhisperedback.Itwastheonlywayhecouldhavearelativelynormallife.Otherwisethemediawouldconstantlyhoundhim.
WhenMirandawascalledintotheexaminingroomsoonafter,thenurselookedatZackalittlecuriouslywhenhedidn’ttakeoffhissunglasses.Buthehadaready-madeexcuseforthat,too.
“I’msensitivetofluorescentlight,”hetoldher.“Givesmemigraines.”Shecluckedsympathetically,suggestedhetrytakingmelatonin,thentookMiranda’sblood
pressure.Aftershe’daskedacoupledozenquestions,shehandedMirandaapaperdrape.“Everythingofffromthewaistdown.”
Oh,boy.He’dneveranticipatedherhavingtotakeherclothesoff.AndjudgingbyMiranda’sexpression,neitherhadshe.“Ithoughtthiswasjustatummycheck.”
“Yourpapcamebackirregular.Hewantstorecheckit,justincase.”Zack’shearttookadive.Whatdidthatmean?Wasshesick?Didshehavecancer?Was
thebabyindanger?“Irregular?”heasked.“Shouldwebeconcerned?”“It’sjustaprecaution,”thenurseassuredhim.Mirandashruggeditoff.“I’vehadthisbeforeanditalwaysturnsouttobenothing.”Thenursescoopedthechartupandheadedforthedoor.“Thedoctorwillbeinshortly.”Whenshewasgone,Mirandalookedatthedrape,thentoZack.“Ididn’trealizethere
wouldbeapelvic.”“Doesmybeingheremakeyouuncomfortable?IfsoIcansitinthewaitingroom.”“Doesitmakeyouuncomfortable?”Maybealittle,buthedidn’twanttoleave.“I’minitforthelonghaul.IfIcan’thandlea
pelvicexam,I’llbeuselessinthedeliveryroom.”“True,”sheagreed.“Besides,it’snothingyou’veneverseenbefore,right?”“Thatisonewaytolookatit.”
“AndsinceIdon’tplantogivebirthwithmyclotheson,eventuallyyou’regoingtoseemeatleastpartiallynaked.”
“Icanwaitinthehallwhileyouundress,”heoffered.“That’ssilly.We’rebothadults.IthinkIcantrustyoutojustturnaround.”Shesquintedhereyesathim.“Ican,right?”Hegrinned.“Ofcourse.”Heturnedtowardthesinktogiveherprivacy.Heheardthesoundofclothesrustlingand
thecrinkleofthepaperdrape.“Uh-oh,I’mturningaround,”heteased.“Hilarious,”shemumbled,buthecouldhearasmileinhervoice.Thenheheardhergasp.“Everythingokay?”heasked.“Table’scold.”Therewasabitmorerustlingandshifting,thenshesaid,“Finished.”Heturnedbackaround.Shesatattheedgeofthetable,coveredfromthewaistdown.Her
jeansandpantieslayinaheaponthechairbesidethedoor.Thiswastheclosesthe’dhadhertonakedinthreemonths.Withanyluck,hewouldn’t
havetowaituntilDecembertogetheroutofherpantsagain.Shetookalong,deepbreathandblewitout.“Feelingokay?”heasked.“Notsick,ifthat’swhatyoumean.Thisisjustalittleweird.Havingyouheremakesitfeel
more…real,Iguess.”Hewasabouttoaskherwhatshemeant—afterweeksofmorningsicknesshowcouldit
notfeelreal—butthedooropenedandthedoctorsteppedintheroom.HeintroducedhimselftoZack,thenlookedoverthechartandaskedafewquestionsofhis
own.Zackaskedabouttheabnormalpapagain,justtobesure.“It’sjustsomethingweneedtokeepaneyeon.Ifthereareabnormalcells,theywould
likelybeexpelledduringthebirth.Inanycase,itposesnoharmtothefetus.Now,”hesaid,“let’sseehowthingsareprogressing.”
Zackstoodattheheadofthetableandwitnessedhisveryfirstpelvicexam.Hewasn’tsurewhatheexpected,andwassurprisedbyhowquicklyitwasover.
Theexternalsegmentoftheprogramcamenext.ThedoctorpresseddownonMiranda’sbelly,palpating,hecalledit,tomeasurethegrowthofheruterus.
“Looksgood.Alittlehighforafirstpregnancy.”“Whatdoesthatmean?”Hemadeanotationonherchart.“Itcouldmeannothing.Wouldyouliketofeelit?”Mirandanoddedenthusiastically,andfollowinghislead,pressingdownonherownbelly.
Herbrowknitwithconcentration,thenherfacelitandshegasped,“Ohmygosh!Ifeelit!”ShelookedupatZack,eyesbrightwithexcitement.
“Youhavetofeelthis!”Thedoctorshowedhimwheretopress,butZackwasalittleconcernedbyhowfarhehad
topush,thepressurehewasusing.Whatifhehurther?“Idon’tfeelanything,”hesaid.“Pushharder,”Mirandaurged.Hedidassheasked,cringingontheinside.Thenhefeltit.Asurprisinglysmall,solidlumpjustbelowhernavel.Shelookedupathimandsmiled.“Feelitnow?”
“Ido.”Hewasn’tsurewhathe’dexpectedauterustofeellike.Infact,hecouldn’tremembereverwondering.Butthereitwas.Hewastouchingit.Hisbaby,theirchild,wasinthere.
Itwashardtoimaginesomethingsolittlewouldeventuallyfitaseven-oreight-poundhumanbeing.
Amazing.“Nowlet’shearthatheartbeat,”thedoctorsaid.MirandalookedupatZackandsmiled.“Thisismyfavoritepart.”HepulledoutwhatZackwasguessingtobeafetalheartmonitor.Hesmearedsomeclear
gooonitandpressedittoherstomach.Ittookasecondortwoofslidingthemonitorfromonesidetotheother,thenheheardasteady,surprisinglyfast,thump-thump-thump.
Itwasfaintatfirst,thenlouderandstronger.Thatwashisbaby’sheartbeat.HisandMiranda’s.Atidalwaveofemotionscrasheddownoverhimandthreatenedtosuckhimcompletely
under.Prideandjoyandawe.Andfear.Untilshegavehishandasqueeze,Zackhadn’tevenrealizedshewasclutchingit.Andhe
suddenlyunderstoodwhatshemeantaboutthepregnancynotseemingreal.Inthatinstantithadbecometrulyrealtohim,too.Atangibleliving,breathinghumanbeing.He’dactuallytouchedit,feltitgrowinginsideher,hearditslittleheartbeating.
Prettysoonherbellywouldbefullandroundwiththeirchild.Theirchild.Alittlegirlorboy.Woulditlooklikehim,orbethespittingimageofMiranda?
Forseveralsecondshisownheartseemedasthoughitwasworkingitswayuphisthroat.Hethoughthehadacceptedthatshewaspregnant,thathewouldbeafather.Allalong
he’dknowntheywerehavingababy,butnowhereallyfeltit.Heknewit.ThenightheandMirandaspenttogethertookonanentirelynewsignificance.Ithadnever
beenjustsextohim.Heknewtheyhadconnected.He’djustneverunderstood,nevercomprehended,howdeeply.Theyhaddonesomethingamazingthatnight.Theyhadcreatedalife.AndthatlittlepersondeservedeverythingZackneverhad.Itwashisresponsibilitytoseethatithappened.
HewasmoredeterminedthanevertoconvinceMirandathattheyshouldbeafamily.“Youcangetdressed,”thedoctortoldher.“We’llscheduletheultrasoundforyour
twentiethweek.”Zackkeptherhandwrappedinhisuntilthedoctorlefttheroom.Andeventhenhedidn’t
wanttoletgo.Hewantedtokeeptouchingher.Hewantedtobeclosetoher.Itateawayathim,agnawingacheinthepitofhisstomach.
Itwouldn’tbethefirsttimeinhislifethathewantedsomethingthatwasunattainable.Somethingjustoutofreach.Buteventuallyhewouldgetwhathewanted.
Withpersistenceandpatience,healwaysdid.Astheylefttheroom,shereachedoutandclaspedhishandagain,andheldonwhileshe
checkedoutandmadeherfollow-upappointment.Theywalkedouttothecarhandinhand.Heopenedherdoor,waiteduntilshewasbuckledin,thenwalkedaroundandgotin.Assoonasthecarwasingearshewas
reachingforhimagain,twiningherfingersthroughhis.Hewasn’tsurewhathadpromptedthissuddenneedtotouch,buthesureashellwasn’t
complaining.Itfeltasthoughshe’dopenedadoor,propelledthemthatmuchclosertothealtar.
“Wasn’tthatamazing?”Sheworeahalfsmileonherface,andherfreehandrestedacrossherstomach.
“Yeah,itwas.”Shelookedoverathim,cheeksrosy,eyesbright.Man,shewaspretty.“Beingherewith
you,itfeelssoright.”Ifthatwasn’ttheunderstatementofthemillennia.“Yes,itdoes.”Shesighedandrestedherheadback,herthumbgrazingabsentlybackandforthacrossthe
sideofhispalm.Morethanatickle,butnotquiteastroke.Andherperfume,hadshealwayssmelledthisgood?Warmandsexyandmaybealittleonthewildside.
Herskinfeltsoftandwarm,herhandsmallbutsturdy.Heglancedoverather.Shelookedcontent.Shelookedhappy.Andhefelt…Oh,man,hewasgettingaroused.Sparksofdesirepoppedandcrackled,ignitinginhis
blood,andhertouchworkedlikeasoftbreezetofantheflames.Whatwaswrongwithhim?Ithadbeenyearssinceholdinghandswithagirlwasenough
tomakehimhot.Maybehighschoolor,hell,probablymorelikejuniorhigh.Sure,hewasattractedtoMiranda,buthewasn’takid.Therewasatimeandaplace,andrightnowwasn’tit.
Ithadtobeallofthetouchingthey’dbeendoingtoday,orherhormonesactinglikeanaphrodisiac.
“Ifeelasthoughsomethingchangedwhilewewereinthere.Idon’tevenknowhowtodescribeit.”Shegavehishandalightsqueeze,shimmiedinherseatsotheyweren’tsittingsofarapart.“Ifeellikewe’reclosersomehow.”
Nokidding.Anycloserandshewouldbesittinginhislap.ThankGodforthegearshift.“Likewebondedemotionally,”shecontinued.“Doesthatmakesense?”“Ithinkso.”Therewassomethingundeniablydepravedaboutthefactthatforherthiswas
somesortofsweet,tendermoment,andhehadahard-on.Andshekeptupwiththatslowstroking,utteringoccasional,breathysighs.Damn,shewaskillinghim.Hewassodistractedhenearlyblewthrougharedlightandhadtoslamonthebrakesto
stop.Andonlywhenthecarbehindhimhonkeddidhenoticeithadturnedgreen.“Youokay?”sheasked.“Fine,”helied.Howthehellcouldhebeexpectedtoconcentrateontheroadwhenallthe
bloodinhisbodyhaddrainedintohisgroin?Bythetimeheaimedthecardowntheirstreet,hefeltasthoughhewasonthevergeof
crawlingoutofhisownskin.But,damnit,itwasn’thisfault.Shewastheonewhokepttouchinghim.Theonetalkingaboutbeingcloser.Theonegeneratingenoughpheromonestotakeanentirefootballteamtoitsknees.
Hecouldn’thaveaskedforabettertimetomakehismove,butforsomereasonitfeltdishonest.Asthoughhewouldbetakingadvantageofher.Hewouldsleepwithherwhenheknewshewasgoodandready.Andnotaminutebefore.
Itwashisduty,hisobligation,toprotecther.Evenifthatmeantprotectingherfromhimself.
Hepulledintohisdrivewayandcuttheengine,eagertoescape.Hegotoutandwalkedaroundtoopenherdoor,andbeforeshecouldgetaholdofhim,hepocketedbothhands.
Itwasprettysadwhenagrownmancouldn’tholdawoman’shandwithoutgettingintotrouble.
Mirandagotoutofthecarandlookedathishands,wedgeddeeplyinhisjeanspockets.“Issomethingwrong?”
“Nope.”Nothingacoldshowerwouldn’tcure.“So,IguessI’llseeyoulater.”Confusiontuckedintothecreasejustabovehernose.“You’renotgoingtowalkme
home?”Anyotherdayandshewouldbeinsistingtowalkherselfacrossthestreet.Afterall,shedidn’tneedanyonetotakecareofher.Shewrestledbearsandatenailsfor
breakfast.Shepickedahellofadaytobreakthatcharmingtradition.Heglancedwistfullyathiscondo.“Uh,yeah,sure.”Theywalkedsidebysideandcrossedthestreettoherporch.Hewaitedwithonefooton
theporch,oneonthesteps,whilesherummagedthroughherpurseforherkeysandunlockedthedoor.“Wouldyouliketocomein?”
Yes.No.Damnit.“Idon’tthinkso.I’dbettergethome.”“Areyousure?”Forthefirsttime,inallthetimehe’dknownher,shelookedunsureof
herself.Afraideven.Hedidn’tlikeit.“Nexttime,”hetoldher.Shedroppedherkeysandpursejustinsidethedoor.“What’swrong,Zack?”“Nothingiswrong,”hesaid,buthecouldseethatshedidn’tbelievehim.“I’m
just…tired.”LameZack.Verylame.“You’relying.Youneverpassupanopportunitytocomeoverandtakecareofme.Today
IfiguredIwouldhavetobeatyoubackwithastick.”Ifshekeptlookingathimthatway,hereyessoftandconfused,hercheeksflush,she
wouldneedthatstick.“Iwanttoknowwhathappened,”sheinsisted.“Whyyougotsotenseanduncomfortable
ontheridehome.WhatdidIdo?”Jeez,shewaspersistent.“It’snothing,okay?Youdidn’tdoanything.Everythingisfine.”Shereachedup,touchedhisarmjustbelowhiselbow.Hefeltasthoughshe’dzappedhim
withaliveelectricalwire.Hecouldn’thelpit;heflinched.Hecouldseethecolordrainfromhercheekslikesandthroughafunnel.Shetookastep
back,towardthedoor,almostasthoughshewereafraidofhim.ThiswasaMirandahe’dnevermet.Aninsecure,apprehensiveMiranda.“The
appointment.Itwastoomuch,wasn’tit?That’swhyyouwon’ttalkaboutit.Youchangedyourmind.”
“Miranda,whatareyoutalkingabout?Changedmymindaboutwhat?”“Me,thebaby.Youdon’twantusanymore.”
Chapter11
IsthatwhatMirandathoughtwashappeninghere?Hecouldn’twin.Ifhegottooclose,shepushedhimback,andwhenhesteppedback,she
thoughthewasabandoningher.ThismustbetheerraticbehaviorTaylorhadwarnedhimabout.Hewishedhecouldfind
somehappymedium,aclear-cutsetofrulestofollow.Buthehadthesinkingfeelingtherewerenorules.Hewasflyingsoloandblind.Hewasknee-deepindoodoowithnobootsorashovel.Orwasitapaddle?
“Youcantellmethetruth,”shesaid.“Icantakeit.”No,shecouldn’t.Hecouldseeherlowerlipalreadybeginningtoquiver.Shewasawreck.
HemaynothaveknownMirandawell,butonethinghedidknowwasthatshewasn’tacrier.Shewastougherthanthat.Thishadtobeoneofthosematernalmoodswings.Estrogenoverload.
Carswerepullingintodrivewaysupanddownthestreet.Peoplewerearrivinghomefromwork.Thelastthingtheyneededwasanaudience.
Hegesturedtothedoor.“Let’sgoinsideandtalk.”Shenodded,tearshoveringjustinsideherlids.Hecouldseethatshewastryinglikehellto
holdthemback.Whentheywereinside,heshutthedoorbehindhim.AndsinceLiannehadbeenknownto
dropbyunannounced,mosttimeswithoutbotheringtoknock,heflippedthelock,too.HetookoffhissunglassessoMirandacouldseehiseyes,seethathewassincere.Now,ifhecouldjustgethertostoplookingatherownfeet.
“Miranda,lookatme.”Sheveryreluctantlyliftedherchin,gazedupathimwithhuge,grief-strickeneyes.“Ididnotchangemymind.”Ifhe’dbeenthinkinghiswordswouldfixthings,thatitwouldcalmherdown,hewas
wrong.Insteadthetearsspilledoverandrolleddownhercheeks.Shesniffledandwipedthemaway.“Thenwhywereyoubeingsoquiet?Whydidyou
jumpwhenItouchedyou?DoIdisgustyouthatmuch?”Disgusthim?Wherewasshegettingthis?Hewantedtotellhershewasbeingridiculous.
Andirrational.Butsomehowhedoubtedthatwouldhelp.Howhadhegottenhimselfintothismess?Sincereasoningwithhernolongerappearedtobeaviableoption,hedidtheonlythinghe
coulddo.Hepulledherintohisarmsandheldherinstead.Shewassofreakedoutshewasactuallytrembling.“Youdonotdisgustme.Quitetheopposite.WhichwaswhyIdidn’twanttocomeover.”
Sheclung,herarmsaroundhim,handsfistedinhisshirt,onetearycheckpressedtohischest.“Idon’tunderstand.”
Hecuppedherchinandangleditupsohecouldseeherface.Hernosewasred,eyesbloodshot,thecolorinhercheeksunevenandsplotchy.Somewomenlookedgoodwhentheycried.Sortofsoftanddelicate.
Mirandawasn’toneofthem.Whenshecried,shelookedasthoughshereallymeantit.
Hewantedtokissawayhertears,couldalmosttastethesaltydampnessonhistongue.Hewantedtowraphisarmsaroundherandholdheruntilshestoppedtrembling.
Hejustplainwantedher.Hesighedandshookhishead.“Miranda,I’mdoingmybesttobeagentleman,butyou’re
sureashellnotmakingiteasy.”Confusioncreasedherforehead.“Butyouareagentleman.”Washegoingtohavetospellitoutforher?“I’maguy.AndI’mattractedtoyou.Whenyoutouchme,Igetturnedon.Evenifwe’re
justholdinghands.”Herresponsewasasoft,breathylittle,“Oh.”“Iwantyou,Miranda.ButIcan’tdothishalfway.Eitherwe’retogetherorwe’renot.”Shewasquietforseveralseconds,herlipclampedbetweenherteeth.“So,whatyou’re
sayingis,you’renottouchingmebecauseyouwantto?”Hewipedtheremnantofatearfromhercheekwithhisthumb.“Asbackwardand
irrationalasthatsounds,yes.That’sexactlywhatI’msaying.”Hecouldseeherprocessingthat.“So,younottouchingmeis,what,formyownsafety?”“Youcouldsaythat,yeah.”“SoifIdidthis…”Sheturnedherfaceintohishandand—aw,hell—brushedherlips
acrossthepadofhisthumb.Herbreathfeltwarm,herlipssoftanddamp.Wherethehellwasthatcoldshower?Shelookedupathim.“Thatwouldbebad,right?”“That’snotfunny.”“I’maskingforinformationalpurposesonly.Imean,Idon’twanttoaccidentallydo
somethingthatmightsetyouoffandputmeindanger.”“Inthatcase,yes,itwouldbebad.”“Inthatcase,IguessIreallyshouldn’tdothis.”Sheflattenedherhandsonhischest,slid
themslowlyupward,wrappedred-tippedfingersaroundthebackofhisneck.Herbodyfeltwarmandsoftpressedagainsthim.Andjustlikethat,thespareroominhisjeansdisappeared.Hefistedhishandsathissides,grittedhisteeth.
Hewantedtopushheraway,neededto,butthemessagewasgettingscrambledsomewherebetweenhisbrainandhisarms.Hewantedtobethegoodguy,buthecouldonlytakesomuch.Ifshekepttoyingwithhim,hewouldcrack.
Shestrokedthesidesofhisthroat.Hernailslightlyscratchedhisskin,nearlydrivinghimoutofhismind.Hebitoffthegroanworkingitswayupfromhischestandsummonedthelastshredofself-control.
ThiswastheMirandaherecognized.Theonewhoknewexactlywhatshewantedandwasn’tafraidtogoafterit.
“Keepitupandyou’llbesorry,”hetoldher.Sheflashedhimoneofthosesexy,seductivesmiles.“I’mcountingonit.”Itwasfascinatingtowatch,thegradualandinevitabledeteriorationofaman’sself-control.
EspeciallyinamanlikeZack.Amanwhoneverlostcontrol.Itwasathrillingsensationofpowershe’dneverexperiencedbefore.Headyand
intoxicating.Euphoriceven.Shewantedtopressherlipstohis.Shewantedtoknowhowhewouldtaste.Whathis
beardwouldfeellikeagainstherchin.
Hewatchedherthrougheyesheavywithdesire,waited,balancingprecariouslyontheoutermostedgeofhisfortitude.Allitwouldtakewasonelittlepush,onenudge,andtheywouldbelovers.Theywouldbe,inhiseyes,acouple.Onestepclosertoadoorshewasterrifiedtoventurethrough.Andsheknewwithoutadoubtthatifsheletthishappentherewouldbenoturningback.Everythingwouldchange.
Wasshereadyforthat?“IwantthisZack.IwantthismorethanI’veeverwantedanythinginmylife.ButI’mnotreadytomakeanypromises.”Shetouchedhisface,strokedthebristlyhair
alonghisjaw.“Iwantit,too,Miranda.Ido.”Slowly,reluctantly,hebackedaway,andsheletherhands
falltohersides.“ButIcan’t.Notthisway.Formeit’sallornothing.”“I’mnotready.”Hewedgedhishandsinthepocketsofhisjeans.“Thenwewait.”Andsherespectedhimforthat.Shereallydid.Theyhadmadesomerealprogresstoday.Sowhywasitbeginningtofeelasthough,foreverysteptheytookforward,they
inevitablytookonebackward?Untiltheywererightbacktowheretheystarted.MirandawasfinallygoingtomeetZack’sbrother.RichandTaylor’sflighthadlandedtwentyminutesago,sotheywouldbeappearingany
minutenow.SheandZackwaitedinbaggageclaim,andthelongertheystoodthere,themoreMirandagottothinking,whatifRichdidn’tlikeher?Wasn’thetheultimatespokesmanforZack’sprogram?Whatif,unlikeTaylor,hedidn’tapproveofMirandaandZack’srelationship?
Amonthagoitwouldn’thavemattered.Mirandawouldn’thavecaredwhatanyonethought.Butthingsweredifferentnow.SheknewhowcloseZackandhisbrotherwere,andthatwasn’tadynamicshewantedtomesswith.
“Relax.He’sgoingtoloveyou,”Zacksaid.Mirandashothimalook.Onethatsaid,WhyshouldIcare?“You’rechewingyourlip.Youonlydothatwhenyou’renervous.”Didshe?Figureshewouldnoticethatsortofthing.“Okay,”sheconceded.“Imightbealittlenervous.”Hetuggedhertohim,herbacktohischest.Heworehisdisguise,anddidn’tseemallthat
worriedaboutpeoplerecognizingthem.Heloopedhisarmsaroundherwaistandrestedhischinonthetopofherhead.Sherelaxedagainsthim,feltherselfbeingenvelopedbythewarmthofhisskin,thestrengthofhisarms.Shelikedwhenhetouchedherthisway.Itmadeherfeelso…normal.Liketheywereanactualcouple.
“Don’tworry.We’regoingtohaveagreatweekend,”hesaid.Shehopedso.“Theretheyare!”Heletgoofher,andforaninstantshethoughtthatmaybehedidn’twant
Richtoseethemlookingsointimate.Thenhetookherhand,weavinghisfingersthroughhers,andtuggedheralongbesidehim.
IttookMirandaaminutetopickTayloroutfromthecrowd,andwhenhereyeslandedonRich,shesuckedinasurprisedbreath.
Inshorts,apoloshirt,abaseballcapandsunglasses,helookedsoordinary.Likewise,Taylorwasdressedcasuallyandhadpulledherhairbackinaponytail.WherewasthepowercoupleMirandahadbeenexpecting?Theyseemedsoaverage.ButbeforeMirandacouldgiveitmuchmorethought,Taylorthrewherarmsaroundher
andhuggedher.Shewassostunned,shealmostforgottohugherback.
“It’ssogoodtoseeyouagain!”SheheldMirandaatarm’slengthandlookedherupanddown.“Youlookwonderful!Howhaveyoubeenfeeling?”
“Better,”Mirandatoldher.Shewasfeelingqueasyrightnow,butnotthatoverwhelmingsensethatifshemovedshewouldhurl.Anditwasonlyeightinthemorning.
RichandZackembraced,andnotoneofthosestandoffish,I-love-you-but-let’s-not-overdo-itdealsthatmendo.Theygrabbedholdandheldon,reallysqueezed,liketheymeantit.Itwasobvioustheyhadaveryspecialbond.
Mirandahadneverseenherbrothershugthisway.Infact,shewasn’tsureiftheyhadeverhuggedeachother.
“Rich,”Zacksaid.“I’dlikeyoutomeetMiranda.Miranda,thisismybrother,Rich.”HehadasmilejustlikeZack’s,andwhenhetookhissunglassesoffandhookedthemin
theveeofhiscollar,shecouldseethatitextendedallthewaytohiseyes.Theywerethesamebrilliantblueashisbrother’sandjustaswarmandcongenial.
Theyhadn’texchangedawordyetandalreadyshelikedhim.Butwhatwouldhethinkofher?Heclaspedherhandbetweenhistwoandshookitwarmly.“I’veheardsomuchaboutyou,
IfeelasthoughIalreadyknowyou.”Andhewasnothinglikesheexpected.“I’malmostafraidtoaskwhatyou’veheard.”Helaughed.“Allgood,believeme.AlthoughforthelifeofmeIcan’timaginewhatyou’re
doingwiththisidiot.”Hepointedathumbtowardhisbrother.“Thanks,”Zacksaid,givinghimaplayfulpunchinthearm.“Let’sgetthebags.”Theylocatedtheturnstileandgrabbedtheluggageandgolfgearfromtheconveyerbelt.
AstheywalkedouttotherentedSUV,Mirandaquietlywatchedtheinteractionbetweenthethreeofthem.Thecamaraderie.Taylorwasdefinitelyoneofthem.Shewasfamily.ZackandRichwerebrothersineverysenseoftheword.Theyweren’tjustfamily.Theywerefriends.
Shecouldn’trememberatimewhensheandherbrothershadbeensoopenlyaffectionate.Andtheydidn’tseemtolikeherallthatmuch.Mostlytheytreatedherasthoughshewasbeneaththem.Anuisancetheytoleratedonlybecausetheyhadto.Withhersisters-in-lawshewascoollypolite.
Evenhermarriagehadlackedthatelementofwarmth.Thecloseness.Kirkneverwouldhavegrabbedherhandandheldit,lacedhisfingersthroughhersthewayZackdidastheywerewalkingtothecar.Hewouldn’thavebrushedhisfingersagainstherarmashehelpedherintothepassengerseat,orsmiledthateasysmilethatsaidhewashappytobewithher.
Shewastheblacksheepofherfamily.Theoutsider.Evenwithherownhusband.Anditwasn’tanyone’sfaultbutherown.Shehadsettledforthat.She’dletithappen.The
nexttimeshesettleddownwithsomeone,whetherthatsomeonehappenedtobeZackoranotherman,thingswouldbedifferent.
FromtheairporttheywentstraighttotheDallasZoo.ShemighthavethoughtacouplelikeTaylorandRichardwouldpreferamuseumtour.Anotherreminderthatshe’ddrawntoomanyconclusions,andthatshehadtheartisticabilityofagnat.
Fromthezootheywenttotheaquarium,thenontodinneratacasual,authenticMexicanrestaurant.Themoodwaslight,festiveandMirandacouldn’trememberthelasttimeshe’dhadsomuchfun.NightsoutwithKirkhadalwaysbeenmoreofanobligationthanapleasure.Iftheyweren’taccompanyinganimportantclienttothetheaterortheoperatheywereatafund-raiserorouttodinnerwithabusinessassociate.Theyneverdidanythingjustbecauseitwasfun.
Theyhadalongleisurelymeal,chattedaboutcurrenteventsandmoviesandpolitics.Richwasconservativebutnottoofartotheright,passionatewithoutbeingpreachyorjudgmental.MirandawasastaunchDemocrat,butafteronlyonedayshecouldseeherselfvotingforamanlikeRich.Therewassomethingabouthim,somethingsohonestandtrustworthy.
AndthentherewasZack.Allthroughdinnerhesatclose,hisarmdrapedcasuallyoverthebackoftheboothbehindMiranda,absentlygrazinghershoulderwithhisthumb.Alldaytheyhadheldhands,touchedintheintimatelittlewayscouplesoftendid.Noonewouldguesstheyweren’tarealcouple.
AndMirandawashavingatoughtimetryingtofigureoutwhatitwasthatwasholdingherback.
Later,atZack’scondo,theydrankwine—orinMiranda’scase,mineralwater—andjusttalked.ZackandRichhadendlessfunnystories,anecdotesfromtheirchildhoodandcollege.Although,Mirandanoticed,neithersaidmuchabouttheirparents.Maybesomethingswerebetterleftunsaid.
ItwasaftermidnightwhenRichandTaylorturnedinandZackwalkedMirandaacrossthestreettohercondo.Theairwaswarmandthick,butalightbreezeblew.
“Ihadareallygoodtimetoday,”shetoldhim.“Richisgreat.”Hetookherkeysandopenedthedoorforher.Hewasintheshadowoftheporchlight,but
shecouldjustmakeouttheshapeofhisface,thecontourofhisfeatures.“HetoldmethatifIdon’tmarryyou,I’manevenbiggeridiotthanhethought.”
“Whatdidyoutellhim?”“ThatI’mworkingonit.”Somethingstruckherjustthen.Thehonestyofhiswordsmaybe,orthegoodvibesfrom
theday,butonimpulsesheroseuponhertoesandkissedhim.Itwasmeanttobebrief,notmuchmorethanapeck,butZackcaughtherbehindtheneckandheldherthere,deepeningthekiss.
Andshemelted.Herkneeswentsoftandherheadfeltlight.Hetastedlikewineandsomethingspicy.
Hecurledhisfingersintoherhair,slippedhisotherarmaroundheranddrewheragainsthim.Theperfectendtoaperfectday.Butnowshedidn’twantittoend.Onestepbackandtheywouldbeinherlivingroom.Andonlyanothercoupledozentothebedroom.
“Comeinside,”shewhisperedagainsthislips.“Staywithme.”Shefelthishesitation.Heleanedbacktolookinhereyes.“Marryme.”Itwassotempting,theideaofsayingyes,iffornootherreasonthattogethiminherbed.
Butshecouldneverdothattohim.Shecouldneverbethatdishonest.Andheknewheranswer;shecouldfeelthepullofhisdisappointmentbeforesheeven
spoke.Andstillshewasn’treadytothrowinthetowel.“I’mnotsayingno.”Heletgoandbackedawayandsheknewshe’dlosthim.“It’snotthesamething.”No,itwasn’t.Butevenaftertoday—especiallyaftertoday—shecouldn’tmakeanyrash
decisions.Shewascompromisedbythewarmfuzzies.Whatifshesaidyestonightandwokeinthemorningtorealizeshe’dmadeamistake?Itwasn’tadecisionshecouldjusttakeback.“I’mjustnotready.”
“ThenIcan’tstay.”Hesteppedback,awayfromher,evenfartheroutofthelight,buthisdisappointmentwasastangibleandsolidastheconcreteunderherfeet.Asintenseasherown.
Yetsherespectedhisdecision.Sheevenadmiredhimforit.Buttherehadtobesomemiddlegroundintheirvalues.Somesortofcompromise.
“Weteeoffatnine-fifteentomorrow,”hesaid.“I’llbeready.”“ThenIguessI’llseeyoutomorrow.”“Iguess.”Hehesitated,likehemightsaysomethingelse,thenheturnedandheadedacrossthestreet.Regretanduncertaintyateaholeinherbellyasshewatchedhimgo.Watchedhimopen
hisowndooranddisappearinside.Today,forthefirsttimeinherlife,she’dfeltasthoughshewaspartofarealfamily.One
thatwouldneverjudgeorbelittleher.Onethatwouldtreatherasanequal.Shefeltlikeshebelonged.Shehadn’trealizeduntiltodayjustnowhowmuchshelongedforthat.Howimportantitwastoher.Anditmadeherallthemoredeterminedtotakethisslow.Tobesureitwaswhattheybothreallywanted.
Hewasperfectineveryway,stillitfeltasthoughsomethingwasmissing,asiftheywerebothholdingsomethingback.
Anduntilshefiguredoutwhatthatsomethingwas,thingswouldhavetostayjustthewaytheywere.
ThecondowasstillandsilentwhenZackwalkedthroughthedoor,butashiseyesadjustedtothedark,hesawRichsittingonthecouch,aglassofwinebalancedinonepalm.“Ithoughtyouwenttobed.”
Heswirledthewine,thensipped.“AndIthoughtIwouldn’tseeyouuntilmorning.”Answeringaquestionwithaquestion.Notagoodsign.Ontheoutside,Richseemedfine.
Hismarriage,hiscareer.ButZackknewhisbrotherwellenoughtorecognizewhensomethingwaswrong.Today,somethinghadbeenoff.
Zacksettledintothechairacrossfromhim.“Youwanttotellmewhat’sgoingon?”“Ican’thideanythingfromyou,canI?”Richsighed,alongtiredsound.“Money.Infertility.Takeyourpick.”“Isthatit?”“That’snotenough?”Heshookhishead.“ButyouknowTaylor.She’satrooper.Everytimewegetbadnews,orshehasanothermiscarriage,shepicksherselfup,brushes
offandforgesahead.”“Icouldrecommendacounselor—”“We’refine,Zack.IfIfeelmymarriageisindanger,you’llbethefirstonetoknow.”Zackhopedthatwastrue.AndRichcouldn’tfaulthimforworrying.Theydependedon
eachother.RidingthecoattailsofZack’sreputation,Richhadbuiltthefoundationforhiscareerinpolitics.Traditionalfamilyvalues.
Paradingtheirinfertilityissuesinthemediahadn’tbeeneasyforeitherofthem,butithadbeengoodforthecause.Inthelongrunitwouldpayoff.
Zackinturnreapedthebenefits.BecauseofRichandTaylorhe’dbuilthisempire.Althoughsometimeshefeltasifthey’dbuiltahouseofcards.Onewrongmoveanditcouldallcomecrashingdown.
“She’stherightoneforyou,”Richsaid.IttookZackasecondtorealizehewastalkingaboutMiranda.“Iknow.”“Ifitwasn’tforthebaby,wouldyouhavepursuedher?Ifyoudidn’thavetoworryabout
themediaandprotectingyourreputation?”
Therewasn’tadoubtinhismind.“Absolutely.”“Rememberthat.”“Why?”Richsethisemptyglassonthecoffeetableandpulledhimselftohisfeet.“Justremember.Don’tforgetwhat’sreallyimportant.Don’tbesobusylivingbytherules
thatyouforgettolive.”Thatmadenosense.Iftheydidn’tlivebytherules,didn’thavestandards,lifewouldbe
chaos.Richstartedtowalktowardthestairs,thenstoppedandturnedbacktohim.“Doyouthink
ifMomandDadhaddivorcedsooner,ifhehadn’tcheatedandlied,thingsmighthavebeendifferentforus?”
Itwasn’toftenRichmentionedtheirparents.Theyhaddeterminedalongtimeagothatthingswerewhattheywere,andtherewasnopointdwellingonit.
Eventuallythewoundswouldheal,thescarswouldfade.Zackshrugged.“Maybe.Maybenot.We’llneverknow.”Richnodded.“Iguessnot.Seeyouinthemorning.”Zackwatchedhimwalkupthestairs,heardhisfootstepsoverheadashewalkedtothe
bedroom,wonderingwhatthatwasallabout.HealsohadtheuneasyfeelingtherewassomethinggoingonthatRichwasn’ttellinghim.Thefollowingdaywasaspackedwithactivityasthelast.Golfing,shopping,sightseeing.
By7:00p.m.,whentheydroppedTaylorandRichattheairport,Mirandawasexhausted.Thefactthat’dshe’dhardlysleptthenightbeforewasn’thelpingmatters.ShedozedmostofthewayhomefromtheairportandZackhadtonudgeherawake.
“Homesweethome,”hesaid.Sheopenedhereyesandrealizedtheywereinherdriveway.Usuallyheparkedinhisand
walkedheracrossthestreet.Shecoveredayawnwiththebackofherhand.“Can’twaittogetridofme,huh?”
“Ileaveinthemorning.Ihaveafewthingstopickup,andpackingtodo.”Twoweeksawayfromeachother.Itseemedlikesuchalongtime.“It’sgoingtobe
strange,younotbeinghere.”“Ithinkthetimeawaymightbegoodforus.”HeputthecarinParkandlookedoverat
her.“It’llgiveusboththechancetofigureoutourfeelings.Tostepbackanddecidewherewegofromhere.”
Whathewasreallysayingwas,hewantedhertomakeadecision.Notthatsheblamedhim.Hewasprobablytiredofbeingstrungalong,theprospectofarelationshipbeingdangledinfrontofhimlikebait.Andhonestly,shedidn’tknowiftwoyearswouldbelongenoughtosortallthemuddledemotions,thefearsandexpectationstangledupinsideher.Andmaybehewasright.Maybetheydidneedtostepback.
“Ithinkthat’sagoodidea,”sheagreed.“Ifthere’sanemergency,youcanreachmethroughmypublicist.”Inotherwords,“Don’tcallme,I’llcallyou.”Alittleharsh.Butfair.“Andifyouneedanythinginthehouse,youhavethekey.OrtheMustang.Driveitallyou
like.”ShewassousedtohavingZackaround,talkingtohimeveryday.Shecouldhardly
imaginewhatitwouldfeellikewithhimnolongerthere.Andthatscaredthehelloutofher.“So,IguessI’llseeyouintwoweeks,”hesaid.
Sheneededtosaysomething,dosomething,butforthelifeofher,shedidn’tknowwhat.Soinsteadshegotoutofthecar.Resistingthealmostunbearableurgetocallhimback,torunafterhim,shewatchedhimbackoutanddriveaway.
Theyweredoingtherightthing,yetshecouldn’tshakethefeelingthatshehadjustroyallyscrewedup.
Chapter12
Thisstepping-backthingtheyweredoingsuckedlemons.Whoevercoinedthephrase“Absencemakestheheartgrowfonder”musthavehadacrystal-balllinkintoMiranda’shead.
Thepastfourteendayshadbeenthelongest,mostlonely,ofMiranda’sentirelife.WithoutZack,somethingwasmissing.Shefelthomesick.Whichmadenosenseatallsinceshewashome.
Maybehomejustwasn’tthesamewithouthimthere.Hadshereallybecomesoattachedtohim?Sousedtohimbeingaround?
You’llgetoverit,shekepttellingherself.Thisfeelingwillgoaway.Buteverydayitjustgotworse.Andevenstranger,shedidn’twantittogoaway.
Itmayhavescaredherhalftodeath,butatthesametime,somethingaboutitfeltgood.Itfeltright.
Sheconsideredallthesacrificinghe’ddoneforher.Thecompromise.He’dmovedclearacrossthecountry,resortedtowearingadisguisesotheycouldbeleftinpeace.He’dtakencareofherwhenshewassick.Cookedforher.Givenherkeystohishouseandhiscar.
Whathadshedone?Otherthanactasaslowcookertohisoffspring.Andwhatif,afterallthistimetothink,he’ddecidedshewasn’tworththetrouble?Toohighmaintenance—that’swhatherexusedtosay.WhatifZackcametotheconclusionthatarelationshipwithherwasjusttoodamnedmuchwork?
Theideamadehersicktoherstomach,whichaweekagowouldn’thavemeantmuch,butshehadn’thadaboutofmorningsicknessinsixdays.Itwasanticipationthrowingheroutofwhacknow.
Zackwasduehomeanyminute.Sheknewbecauseshe’dcheckedtheairlineWebsitetoconfirmthathisflighthadlandedontime.She’dcheckedtwice,justtobesure.
Okay,threetimes.Ifhewasevenontheplane.Whatifhehadchangedhisplansanddecidedtogobackto
Chicagoinstead?Hewouldn’tdothat,sheassuredherself.Hesaidhewouldbeback,andhewould.He
wouldn’tleavewithouttalkingtoher.Shefoughttheurgetositatthefrontwindowandwatchforhim,tolistenforthethroaty
growlofhiscarapproaching.Instead,shebusiedherselfdusting,pickingupclutter,straighteningtherugbythefrontdoor.And,oh,look,thecurtaininthefrontwindowlookedcrooked.Shedefinitelyneededtofixthat.
“Wouldyousitdownalready?”Liannesaidfromherperchonthecouch,glancingupfromhercomputerscreen.“You’remakingmenervous.”
Acaseofwriter’sblockhadhersettingupatemporaryofficeinMiranda’slivingroom.Also,Mirandasuspected,Liannejustlikedtoseeherinagony.
Soagonized,shehadn’tbeensleepingwell.She’drisenatthecrackofdawnthismorning.EarlyenoughtocatchLiannesneakingtheelusive“newboyfriend”
she’dbeenseeingforthepastmonthoutthedoor.The“newboyfriend”Liannehadalreadydated,marriedanddivorced.Twice.Theonewholivedinthecomplexaroundthecorner.
Inonefellswoop,Liannehadbrokeneverysingledocumenteddatingrule.But,inhercurrentsituation,Mirandadidn’tthinkshehadanybusinesslecturinganyoneonrelationships.
Hell,maybesheneverhad.Mirandatoyedwiththesilkydrape,pretendinghereyesweren’twanderingtowardZack’s
emptydriveway,thendownthestreet.“Ilikeacleanhouse,isthatacrime?”“IthinkIlikedyoubetterwhenyouweresick.Whenallyoudidisliearoundandmoan.”“Ididnot!”Liannegrinned.“Chill,honey.He’llgetherewhenhegetshere.”Wasshethattransparent?Thatobvious?Shefeignedinnocence.“Ihavenoideawhatyou’retalkingabout.”Liannerolledhereyes.“Uh-huh.Whateveryousay.”Mirandablewoutanexasperatedbreath.Liannewasright.Shewasactinglikean
adolescentwithacrush.“Allright.I’mwaitingforhim.Areyouhappy?”Liannesnortedoutalaugh.“Whydon’tyoujustgivetheguywhathewants?”Acommitment.Anexclusiverelationship.Justthinkingitmadeherheartflip-flopinher
chest.“Whatareyouwaitingfor?AsignfromGod?Thatmanistheclosestthingtoperfectforyouthatyou’reeverlikelytofind.Whenwill
youlearntotrusthim?”BecausetrustingZackwasn’ttheproblem.Thepersonshewashavingtroubletrustingwas
herself.Whichwasevenworse.Zackwastoogood,tooperfectforherinalmosteveryway.Sonaturallytherehadtobea
catch.Therehadtobesomethingtherethatshewasn’tseeing.ButLianne,theunwaveringoptimist,wouldneverunderstandMiranda’sconvolutedlogic.
Mirandadidn’tevenunderstandit.AtleastshenolongerhadtoworrythatmarryingZackwouldruinherwritingcareer.She
wasdoingathoroughjobofthatallbyherself.Intwoweeks,whenshewasexpectedtohandintheoutlineforthebookshehadsupposedlybeenhardatworkplotting,itwouldofficiallybeover.Andoddlyenough,shedidn’treallycareanymore.Fornowshewantedtoconcentrateonbeingagoodmom.Andmaybesomedaydowntheroad,ahalfwaydecentwife.Shecouldgobacktobeingalawyer.
Fromoutsidesheheardthedeepgrowlofacarengineapproaching.Therewasonlyonecarinthecul-de-sacwitharumblelikethat.
Herheartjumpedupintoherthroatandherkneesturnedintosoggynoodles.Shesawabriefflashofblackfromthestreetanddartedawayfromthewindow,pressing
herbacktothewallbesideit.Ifhelookedovershedidn’twanthimtoseeherstandingthere.Shedidn’twanthimtoknowshe’dbeenwatchingforhim.
“Whydon’tyougotalktohim?”Liannesaid.“Ican’t.”Ifsheranacrossthestreetandthrewherselfintohisarms—andthat’sexactly
whatshewasafraidshewouldendupdoing—thebalanceofpowerwouldshifttohissideofthecourt.Shehadtokeepuptheillusionthatshewasincontrol.
“You’reimpossible.”Liannesnappedherlaptopshut.“AtleastZackhasthegoodsensetocomeoverandworkthingsout.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”“Imeanhe’sonhiswayacrossthestreet.”Now?Already?Didn’theneedtogoinsidefirst?Unpack?Takeashower?
Didthismeanhemissedhersomuchhecouldn’twaittoseeher,orhecouldn’twaittobreakitoffsohecouldgetonwithhislife?
Herhandsfeltnumbandshakyandapeculiarbuzzinghummedinherears.Twominutesagoshecouldhardlywaittoseehim,nowshewasterrified.“Youhadbetternotbescrewingwithme,Lianne.”
Shegesturedtothewindow.“Lookforyourself.”“Ifhereallyiswalkingacrossthestreet,Idon’twanthimtoseemewatchinghim.”“Thereissomethingseriouslywrongwithyou.”Liannerosefromthecouchandtucked
hercomputerunderherarm.“Somedayyou’regoingtolookbackonthisandrealizehowridiculousyou’reacting.”
Maybe.Shehopedso.Thebellsounded,reverberatingthroughherskin,intomuscleandbone.Theringinher
earsbecameaclang,andshefeltsodizzyandlight-headedshehadtograbthesideofthecouchforsupport.
IfitwasanyonebutZack,Liannewasdeadmeat.“Well?”LiannesaidwhenMirandadidn’tmove.Shecouldn’tmove.Herlegsfeltheavy,asthoughthey’dbeenweighteddownwithlead,
thencementedtothecarpet.“Don’tworry,I’llgetit.”Liannewalkedtothedoorandflungitopen.Therewasashortpause,thenMirandaheardZacksay,“Oh.Hi.”“Don’tworry,”Liannesaid.“I’monmywayout.”Thatfeelingofheaviness,thetinglynumbness,wascreepingupintoherarms.ThedoorclosedbehindLianne—slammedactually—thenitwasZackstandingthere.Zack,whoshehaddesperatelymissedforfourteendays.Zack,cleanshavenandsexyas
hellinfadedjeans,docksidersandaT-shirt.Hishandswerewedgedinhispantspockets.“Hi.”Sheswallowedthemonster-sizelumpinherthroat,buthervoicestillcameoutscratchy
anduneven.“Hi.”“Imissedyou.”Hishonestystunnedher.Didn’therealizethathewasgivinghertheupperhand?Giving
herallthecontrol?Maybeheknewandjustdidn’tcare.Onceagainhe’dmanagedtodoexactlytherightthing.Hetookasteptowardher.Thenanother.Thenonemore,untilhewasstandingrightin
frontofher.Shesuckedinadeepbreath,gatheringhercourage.Saywhatyou’refeelingyouidiot.Go
outonalimbandtrustyourfeelings.“Iwantustobeacouple,”shesaid,thewordstumblingoutbeforeshecouldeditthemfor
content.“Anexclusive,committedcouple.”Maybeshehadn’tmeanttobethathonest,buthisgrinmadeitworththeeffort.“Doyoureallymeanthat,orareyoujusttryingtogetintomypants?”“Ireallymeanit.”Hecuppedherfaceinhishandsandbrushedhislipsoverhers.Sotenderandsweet.And
ratherthanfeelingfreakedoutandclaustrophobic,shefelt…happy.Butwhatifheaskedhertomarryhim?Commitmentshecoulddo,theholybondsof
matrimonymightbepushingitabit.
Buthedidn’task.Insteadhenibbledherlowerlip,sankhisfingersthroughherhair.“AtleasttentimesadayIhadtofightnottopickupthephoneandcallyou.”
“Me,too,”sheadmitted.Thattinglynumbnesshadmovedintoherhead,buzzedaroundinherbrain.“Nomoresteppingback.”
“Agreed.”Hedeepenedthekiss,andthespacearoundthemseemedtosparkandsizzlewithdesire.Shealwaysknewtheyhadgoodchemistry,butthiswasoffthecharts.
Ratherthanwalkinghertoherbedroom,hesweptherrightupoffherfeetandcarriedherthere.Shedidamentalonce-overofherbedroom.Werethereanydirtyunderwearonthefloor?Werethesheetsclean?Noembarrassingfeminineproductslyingoutinplainsight?
No.Yes.No.Theywereinbusiness.Shenibbledhisneck,ranherfingersthroughhishair.Shewantedtotouchhimallover.Hesetherdownbesidethebed,kissedheruntilherheadfeltmushyandherkneeswere
weak.ShetuggedhisT-shirtfromthewaistofhispantsandbrokeawayonlylongenoughtopullitoverhishead.Hedidthesametoher,thenwenttoworkonhershorts.Therewasasenseofurgency,asthoughtheywereinaracetoseehowfasttheycouldgeteachothernaked.
Helaidherdownonthebedandeasedinbesideher.Nomatterwhatshedid,howshetouchedhim,itwasn’tenough.Shecouldn’tgetcloseenough.Shewantedtocurlupinsideofhim.
Thatnightinthehotelhadbeenhotanderotic.Therehadbeenasenseofurgency.Ofdanger.Nowtheyhadallthetimeintheworld.Iftheywantedtomakeloveallnight,intotheweehoursofthemorning,thensleepuntilnoon,therewasnothingtostopthem.Noeleven-o’clockcheckout.Noflighttocatch.
Noawkwardgoodbyes.Tonightshedidn’twanttorush.Shejustwantedtoliethereandenjoy.Hishandsstrokedandexplored,movedoverherbodylikeaneroticdance,teethnippedat
herskin.Sheletherselfsinkdeeperunderhisspell.Letthewarmshiverssettleindeepandtakehold,untiltheshiversbecameaquake.Arumbleofsensationandemotionthatrockedherfromheadtotoe,fromtheinsideout,thenbackinagain.
Shetriedtoopenhereyes,buttheyfeltweighteddownandlazy.Shewasneitherasleepnorawake.Caughtsomewherebetweendreamandreality.Hewastalkingtoher,sexywordsthatseemedtoblendtogetherandmuddleupinherbrainuntiltheysoundedlikenonsense.
More.Sheneededmore.Sheneededitnow.Shefeltlikeunreelingherselfacrossthemattress,stretchingasfarashermusclesand
tendonswouldallow.Lengtheningherbones.Butwhenshetried,thewidthofhishipsgotinherway.Soinstead,shewrappedherlegsaroundhim,drawinghimcloser.Felthishardlengthagainstthepartofherthatwasachingandneedy.Shecrossedheranklesandlockedherselfaroundhiships,trappinghim.
AgroanrumbledfromZack’schestandhislipscamedownhardonhers.Demandingandsweetatthesametime.Aggressiveanddeterminedbutundeniablygentle.
Theroomspunaroundherlikeacarnivalride.Shefeltthatifshedidn’tfeelhiminsideherrightthisinstant,shewouldgooutofhermind.Andbecausehecouldreadherthoughts,anticipatehereverywantandneed,herockedhishipsjustso,easedhimselfinsideherwithonelong,slow,stroke.
Yes…
Shelethimtakethelead,setthepace.Shegaveherselfpermissiontoletgoandtrusthim,convincedwitheveryfiberofherbeingthatnotwopeoplehadeverbeencloser,hadeverconnectedsocompletely,assheandZackdidatthatverymoment.Andwhensheheardhimmoanlowinhischest,felthismusclestightenandcoil,shelostit.Instantlyandcompletely.Herownstrangledmoanwasallshecouldhear,allshecouldcomprehend,asthepleasurecrasheddownanddraggedherunder.Excruciatingandperfect.
Andforthefirsttimeinalongtimeshewasn’tafraid.Mirandalayinbed,limpandsatedaftersomeveryenthusiasticmorningsex.“Areyoustillwithme?”Sheopenedoneeye.Zacklayonhissidenexttoher,proppeduponhiselbow,looking
downatherwiththatgrin.Theadorable,vaguelymischievousonethattoldherhewasuptonogood.“Sortof.”
“IthoughtIwastheonewhowassupposedtorolloverandgotosleep.”“WhatcanIsay?Youworemeout.Whattimeisitanyway?”Heglancedoveratthedigitalclockonherbedsidetable.“Seven-thirty.”“Ugh.Tooearly.”Sheclosedhereyes.“Needsleep.”“Wakeup.”Henibbledherthroat,herchin,theshellofherear.Shegroanedandpulledthepillowoverherhead.He’dkeptherupuntilwellafter
midnight,whichlatelywaswaypastherbedtime.Theyhadn’tdiscussedthepossibilityofhimspendingthenight.Allsheknewwasthat
she’ddriftedofftosleepinhisarms,andwhenshe’dopenedhereyes,theroomwasfloodedwithlightandtherehelaybesideher.Itdidn’tfeelasweirdasshethoughtitmight.Infact,shekindoflikedit.Itfelt…right.
Hetriedtotugthepillowaway,butsheheldon.“Areyougoingbacktosleep?”“Gee,youthink?”shemumbled.“Givemeanothertenminutes.”Shefeltaverylarge,warmhandcupherleftbreast.Pinch
lightly.“Twentytops.”“I’mtired,”sheprotested.“I’msleepingfortwo.”“I’llmakeitworthyourwhile.Ipromise.”Sheknewthatwasapromisehewouldkeep.Shecouldn’tbeonehundredpercentpositive,
butshewasprettysurethatpregnantsexwasdifferentfromregularsex.Itfeltmorepassionate.Moreintense.Butitwasn’tenoughtokeepherconscious.
Sheheardhimtalkingbutshewasalreadydriftingoff.Intoadeep,dreamlesssleep.Whensheopenedhereyesagainshewasalone,buttherewasanoteonthepillowbeside
her.Wenthometowork.XOXOZShepressedthepillowtohernose,inhaledthescentofZackonit.Nice.Sherolledoverandlookedattheclock.Itwasalreadyafterten.Shecollapsedontoher
backandsighed.She’dsleptforalmostninehours—giveortake—andstillshewasexhausted.Butifshedidn’tgetupnow,shewouldprobablysleepallday.Andsheshouldatleastmakeanattemptatwriting.Maybeanightofsinanddebaucherywasexactlywhatsheneededtogetthecreativejuicesflowing.
Sheshovedherselfoutofbedandstumbled,eyeshalf-closed,tothebathroom.
Twentyminuteslater,freshlyshoweredanddressed,withherhairpulledbackinaponytail,sheheadeddownthestairstothekitchen.
Sheforagedthroughthefridge,foundasliceofleftoverpizzaandscarfeditdown.Lately,inthepastweekanyway,itseemedasthoughallshedidwasthinkaboutfood.Evenhermiseryhadn’tbeenenoughtocrushhervoraciousappetite.
NextshepolishedofftheleftoverchowmienLiannehadbroughtoverforlunchyesterday,thenroundedthemealoffwithahandfulofchocolate-coveredpretzels.
Aftersheate,shebrushedherteeth,appliedhercherry-flavoredlipglossandatouchofmascara,thenheadeddownthehalltoheroffice.Shestoppedinthedoorway.
Justgoin,sheurgedherself.Youcandoit.Todayisthedayyou’llbebrilliant.Justonequick,painlessstep.
Anydaynowheragentwouldbecallingandnagging,warninghertogettheproposalinthemailpronto.Butshecouldn’tdoit.Shecouldn’ttakethatfirststep,becausesheknewwhenshedid,whenshetookherseatandbootedhercomputer,hermindwouldstillbeasblankasarecentlyscrubbedchalk-board.
Theideas,theanswers,justweren’tthere.Swallowingbackthedreadclawingitswayupherthroat,sheheadeddownthestairs
instead.Shegrabbedherkeysfromthecoffeetableandheadedacrossthestreet.Sheconsideredknocking,butfiguredtheywerepastthatformality.Itwasunlocked,soshe
letherselfin.Thecondowasquietandstill,butshecaughtthescentofsomethingspicyanddeliciousdriftingfromthekitchen.Despitehavingjustscarfedhalfthecontentsofherrefrigerator,herstomachrumbledinanticipation.
Zackwasnowheretobefoundonthefirstfloor,soshewentupstairs.Shefoundhiminhisoffice,athiscomputertappingawayonthekeyboard,browwrinkledwithconcentration.
Whateverhewasdoing,hewasutterlyimmersed.Foraminuteshestoodthereundetected,watchinghim.Memorizingthecontoursofhisface,theshapeofhislipsandeyes.Thewayhisheadcockedslightlytotheleftwhenhewasfocused.
Shehadalwaysbeendrawntoattractivemen.Althoughinherexperience,manywerelackingthecorrespondingpersonality.
Zackhadlooks,personality,intelligence.Hewashonest,andhehadagreatsenseofhumor.Andhewasamazinginbed.Whatmorecouldsheaskfor?Whenshefiguredthatout,shewouldprobablyberacingtothealtar.
Helookedup,sawherstandingthere,andhisfacespreadwidewiththathappy-to-see-yousmile.“Goodmorning.”
“Um,it’safternoonactually.”Helookedattheclock.“Soitis.Iguessthetimegotawayfromme.Didyousleepwell?”“Likethedead.”Shetookatentativestepoverthethreshold.“AmIdisturbingyou?”“Nope.Iwasjustfinishingupnextweek’scolumn.”Anundeniableandintensestingofjealousysnappedthroughher.Ifonlyshecouldwrite
likethat.Ifonlysheknewwheretobegin.“GivemetwominutesandI’llbefinished.”“Norush.”She’donlybeeninhisofficeafewtimesforshortperiods.She’dneverreallytakenthe
timetoinvestigate.Youcouldtellalotaboutamanbythecontentsofhisoffice.Itwasverymasculine.Darkmaplefurniture,forest-greenwalls.
Andclean.Notjustclean,butorganized.Asperfectastherestofthehouse.
Tooperfect,maybe?Sherolledhereyes.Don’tevenstart,shechastisedherself.Shekeptherhouseclean,too,
andshewasasflawedandquirkyasthenextperson.Probablyworse.Shewanderedacrosstheroomtothebookshelf,scanningthetitlesneatlylinedthere.
Mostlypsychreference.Afewbooksonfinance.Theshelfbelowitwasdevotedentirelytopastissuesofvariouscarmagazines.Prettyrun-of-the-mill.Menalwayskepttheinterestingstuffhidden.Alessonshe’dlearnedthehardway.
Severalyearsagoshedatedaveryconservativemiddle-schoolteachershe’dmetthroughamutualfriend.Hewasacutelynormal.Averagetothepointofbeingboring.Andatthetime,thatwasexactlywhatshe’dbeenlookingfor.Atthatpointinherlife,shedidn’twantanysurprises.Justeasyandpredictable.
Sowhatiftheydidn’texactlyburnupthesheets?Hewasniceandhewaspoliteanddidn’thaveanystrangehang-ups.Orsoshethought.Untilsheusedhiscomputertocheckhere-mailonemorningwhilehewasintheshower.Hewouldn’tmind,shefigured.Whatcouldhepossiblyhavetohide?
Onthedesktopshenoticedadrivenamed“funstuff,”andnaturallyshefigureditwaswherehekepthiscomputergames.Maybeajokeortwo.So,beingthecurioustype,sheopenedit.
Nogamesorjokes.WhatshefoundwasfileafterfileofInternetporn.Whichinitselfwasn’taterriblething.Menlikedtolookatnakedwomen.Nobigdeal.
Theproblemwas,asshebeganopeningthefiles,therewerenowomen.Apparentlythereasontheirsexlifewasn’texactlysmokin’wasbecauseshewasn’tanadolescentmale.
SheturnedtoZack.“Ihaveaquestion.”Helookedupather.“Okay.”“Hypothetically,ifIweretoaskifIcoulddoasystem-widesearchofyourcomputer,
wouldyouletme?”Hesatbackinhischair,calmlyfoldedhishandsinhislapandlookedatherasthoughshe
hadsproutedasecondhead.“Huh?”“Youheardme.”“YouthinkI’maSovietspyorsomething?”Shefeltadashofdisappointment.“Sotheanswerisno?”“Thisisanotheroneofthosetests,isn’tit?”Hesighedandpushedhischairback,then
gesturedtohiscomputer.“I’mnotsurewhatyou’reexpectingtofind,buthaveatit.”Maybehewasbluffing.Shesteppedclosertothesideofhisdesk,asifshemightjustdoit.
Hedidn’tflinch.“Youwouldreallyletmelook?”“I’mnotgoingtoletyoulook.”Heclaspedahandaroundherwristandtuggedherdown
intohislap.“I’mgoingtomakeyoulook.”“It’sokay.Ibelieveyou.Really.”Shetriedtopullherselfup,buthehookedanarmaround
herwaistsoshecouldn’tgetaway.Shewasinstantlystruckwithanoverwhelmingsenseofpeace,afeelingofsafety.Hewouldalwaystakecareofher,bethereforher.
Itwasn’tanillusion.Itwasreal.Andifshekeptdoubtinghim,hewasboundtogettiredoftryingtoprovehimselftoher.Thedaywouldcomewhenhewouldlookatherandthink,Sheissonot
worthit.Hischestmoldedagainstherback,solidanddependable.Andwarm.Almoststeamy.
Hmm,thiswasnice.Withhisfreehandhemanipulatedthemouseandopeneda“search”window.“Whatare
welookingfor?Governmentsecrets…dirtypictures?”Shebitherlip.Heglancedupather,agrintuggingatthecornerofhismouth.“It’sdirtypictures,isn’tit?
Orareyoulookingforevidenceofillicitchatroomdiscussions?Videoclipsinvolvingsmallmammals?”
“You’vemadeyourpoint,”shesaid,butdidn’tmakeanefforttountangleherselffromhisgrip.
“HaveI?”“Nomoretests?”“Youpromise?”“Ipromise.”Heloosenedhisarm,butkeptitloopedaroundher.“Fortherecord,Idon’thauntchat
roomsorsurftheWebforporn.I’mnotgoingtodenyhavingpurchasedamagazineortwoatsomepointinmylife.ButevenifIwasthekindofmanwhogotoffonInternetporn,consideringmyprofessionalimage,doyoureallythinkIwouldbestupidenoughtokeeptheevidenceonmycomputer?”
She’dneverreallythoughtofitthatway.Heshiftedherinhislap,sohecouldseeherface.“Nexttimeifyouwanttoknow
something,justask.”“Iwill.Ipromise.”Abookonhisdeskcaughthereye.Tuckedaway,underastackofmanilafolders,wasthe
bindingofwhatlookedlikeaphotoalbum.Shewasinstantlyintrigued.Shereachedoverandtuggedthecorner.“Familypictures?”“Afew.”“DoyoumindifItakealook?”Heshrugged.“Helpyourself.”Shepulledthealbumfromunderthefolders,struckwithanundeniableshiverof
excitement.Hewatchedoverhershoulderassheflippeditopen.Thefirstfewpageswerefilledwith
olderphotos,fromwhenheandhisbrotherwerekids.TheycouldhavebeenpluckeddirectlyfromthesetofTheBradyBunch.“Groovyclothes.”
“WhatcanIsay,itwastheseventies.”TherewasashotofZackandRichwiththeirfather.Thephotowastakenoutside,inthe
woods.Theystoodclose,headsbowed,examiningsomesmallitemtheirfatherwasholding.“Yourdadwasahandsomeman.Youlookjustlikehim.”
Heflashedheragrin.“So,youthinkI’mhandsome?”Sherolledhereyes.“Oh,please.Menwholookasgoodasyoualwaysknowhowgood
theylook.”Sheflippedthepagetoafive-by-sevenshotofhisfamily.Zackcouldn’thavebeenmore
thantenoreleven.Itwasyouraverage,run-of-the-millfamilyportrait.Untilshelookedcloser.
Thesmileswerealittleforcedanddidn’tquitereachtheireyes.Hismomwasyoungandstrikinglybeautiful,yettherewassomethingabouther,hereyesmaybe,thatlookedoldandtired.Andsad.“Yourparentswereahandsomecouple.”
“You’veheardthesaying‘Looksaren’teverything’?”Sheheardahintofsadnessinhisvoice.“Shedrankalot?”“Everychanceshegot,untilshedrankherselftodeath.”HerheartachedforZackandhisbrother.Butseeingnoneedtodwellonit,tokillhisgood
moodwithcrummymemoriesofhispast,sheflippedthepage.Shewaspropelledforwardintimeabouttenyears,intothemideighties,toaphotoofahard-coreheavy-metalrockbandinwhatlookedlikeagaragestudio.
Ittookasecondtoprocessthattheleadsinger,theonewiththelong,teasedhair,skintightredleatherpantsandleopardprintshirt,wasincrediblyfamiliar.“Isthisyou?”
“Youcouldcallthesemyrebelliousdays.”“Youwereinahairband?And,oh,myGod,isthatanearring?”“Iwantedtobearockstar.”Sheleanedforwardtogetabetterlook.“Oh,mygosh,Zack,youwerehot!”Hegrinned.“Wewereactuallyprettygood.”“Thekeyboardplayerlookslike,oh,myGod,isthatTaylor?”“Shelooksdifferentwithpinkhair,huh?”“Isthathowyoutwomet?”Henodded.Therestofthepageswereempty.Andjustwhenitwasgettinggood.Sheshoulderedaway
adashofdisappointmentandclosedthealbum.Shewantedtoseemore.Knowmore.“Ifeelsoinadequate.Iwasatotalnerdinhighschool.”
Heshotheradisbelievinglook.“No,seriously,Iwas.AllIcaredaboutwasgettinggoodgrades.Iwasunderthedelusion
thatitwouldmakemyfatherproud.Wasn’tIsurprisedwhenIrealizedallhereallywantedmetodowasgetmarriedandmakebabies.”
“Butyoudidn’thavechildrenwithyourhusband.”“Iwasn’tready.”Sheleanedbackagainsthischest,letherheadrestinthecrookofhis
neck.Thiswascomfortable.Thiswasverycomfortable.“Iwantedtofocusonmycareer.Thehonesttruthis,Iwasn’treadytogetmarried,either.”
“Sowhydidyou?”“Hewasthesonofmyfather’sbusinesspartner.AslongasIcanremembertheytalked
aboutusgettingmarried.Afteryearsofhearinghowperfectsomeoneisforyou,Iguessyougetbrainwashedintothinkingit’strue.”
“Soitwasanarrangedmarriage?”“Archaicasthatsounds,Iguessinawayitwas.Itgoesbacktothatneedtopleasemy
father.WhatIdidn’trealizeatthetimeisthatIwasactuallymarryingmyfather.Kirkwasjustlikehim.Hewantedawifetoraisehischildren,havedinneronthetableeverynightandthrowdinnerpartiesforclients.Hedidn’tjustwantmeto.Itwasexpected.ItwasneveraboutwhatIwanted.”
“Didyourhusbandphysicallyabuseyou?”Hisquestionnearlyknockedheroffhislap.Sheraisedherheadandlookedupathim.
“Whywouldyouaskthat?”“IreadyourbookwhileIwasgone.”
“Youdid?”“Ithoughtitmighthelpme…”Heshrugged.“Idon’tknow,maybegetintoyourhead.
Figurethingsout.”Shelaidherheadbackdownonhisshoulder,feelingtoucheddeepdowntohersoul.He
caredenoughabouthertoreadherbook.Totrytofigureherout.“Iwasprettyopenabouttheverbalabuse.Theconstantcriticism.ButIneversaidanythingaboutbeingphysicallyabused.”
“No,youdidn’t.”Hereacheduptoplaywithherhair,curlinganduncurlingalockaroundhisfinger.“Iwasreadingbetweenthelines.”
“Whatdifferencedoesitmake?”Hetuckedafingerunderherchin,liftedherfacetohis.She’dneverseenhimlookso
serious.Sosincere.“Itmakesadifferencetome.”Asembarrassingasitwas,asmuchasshehatedtoadmittoanyonethatshehadbeenthat
weak,shecouldn’tlietohim.“Itonlyhappenedonce.”“Onceistoomuch.”“Iknowthat.Andthereallysadthingis,tothisday,I’mnotcompletelyconvincedit
wasn’tmyfault.Slightlyhypocriticalcomingfromme,huh?”“DareIaskhowitcouldpossiblybeyourfault?”“We’dbeentryingtogetpregnantfortwoyears,orsohethought.Hefinallyinsistedwe
gotoafertilityspecialist,andIfinallyhadtoadmitthatI’dbeenonthepill.Thatallthetimehehadbeentrying,Ihadbeentryingnotto.Sohehauledoffandpoppedmeone.”Shereachedupandpressedherfingerstoherleftcheek.
UpuntilthenKirkhadhadherthoroughlyconvincedtherewassomethingwrongwithher.Thatasawomansheshouldwantafamily.Shouldenjoycookingandcleaningandchangingdirtydiapers.Thefactthatshedidn’t,ordidn’trightthen,madeherdefectivesomehow.
Butthatday,whenshefeltthestingofhispalmonherface,theexplosionofpaininhereye,hehadcrossedsomeinvisiblelineshehadn’tevenrealizedwasthere.
“Thisisgoingtosoundstrange,butinawayIactuallyfeltrelievedthathedidit.Ifinallyhadanexcusetoleave.Tobreakfree.”
“Ifyouweren’thappy,whydidyouneedanexcuse?”“SoIwouldn’tdisappointmyparents.Becauseaccordingtomywholefamily,Ishould
havebeenhappywithKirk.Ithoughtsomethingwaswrongwithme.ItneveroccurredtomethatIjustdidn’tlovehim.”
“Whathappenedafterhehityou?”“Hebawledlikeababyandbeggedmetoforgivehim.Butatthatpoint,Iwasawomanon
amission.IhadmyescaperouteanddamnedifIwasn’tgoingtotakeit.Ipackedabagandheadedtomyparents’house.ForthefirsttimeinmylifeIfeltfree.
“BythetimeIgottotheirhouseKirkhadalreadycalledthemandtoldthemwhathappened.Iexpectedthemtobeoutragedatwhathe’ddone.”
“Howcouldtheynotbe?”“Becauseapparentlyitwasmyfault.Ihaddrivenhimtoit.”Theyweresodisappointedinher.Soashamed.Theyinsistedthatshegohometoher
husband,whereshebelonged,andbeghisforgiveness.Whatshehaddonetohimwascruel.Maybewhatshe’ddonewaswrong,buttheywereherparents.Theyshouldhavebeenon
hersidenomatterwhat.
Itwasthemomentsherealizedshewastrulyalone.Andtheonlypersonintheworldthatshecouldrelyonwasherself.Itwasthedayallherillusionsaboutloveandmarriageandevenfamilyhadbeencrushedtodustandsweptaway.
“Iwouldneverraiseahandtoyou.”Zacktouchedhercheek,brushedherhairbackfromherface.“Notforanyreason.”
Itwassuchasweetgesture,thewordssosincere,shegotalittlechokedup.“Iknowyouwouldn’t.”Heleanedforwardandkissedher.Oneofthosesweet,brushing-of-the-lipsnumbers.Soft,
likeacaress.Andsodamnedtender.Oh,man.Ifhekeptthatupshewasgoingtocry.Soshekissedhiminstead.Reallykissedhim.Andjustasshebegantogetintoit,intohim,
tosinkintothewarmswellofarousal,thedamnedphonebegantoring.
Chapter13
“Ignoreit,”ZacktoldMirandawhenshestartedtopullaway.“Ifit’simportantthey’llleaveamessage.
Hekissedherlips,herchin,thecurveofherneck.Hecouldn’tgetenoughofher.Thetastesandthescents.Justasithadbeenthatnightinthehotel,onlydifferent.Bettersomehow.Morefamiliarmaybe.
Onhisbelt,hiscellphonestartedtoring.“Maybeyoushouldanswerit.”Heeasedhershirtcollarasideandnippedhershoulder,felthershudderinhisarms.“You
don’twantmetodothat.”Hestartedunbuttoninghershirt,andshemadealow,throatysound.“You’reright,I
don’t.”Theonlythinghisreptilianbraincouldprocesswastheneedtogethernaked,tosink
himselfdeepinsideofheragain.Hewonderedabsentlyifshehadevermadeloveonadesktopbefore.Buttheinstanthiscellstoppedringingthedeskphonestartedupagain.“Oh,forcryin’outloud.”
Awrinkleofconcernsetbetweenherbrows.“Maybeyoushouldanswerit.”Maybeshewasright.Apparentlysomeonewasprettydesperatetogetaholdofhim.He
lookedoveratthecallerID.Itwashispublicist.Thishaddamnwellbetterbegood.Zackmumbledacurseandsnatchedthephoneup.“What?”“TurnonCNN.”“What?”“Turnitonrightnow.”Hecalledforthis?“I’mnowherenearaTV,nottomentionthatI’malittlebusyright
now.”“Thenfindone,dammit,youneedtoseethis.Ihaveanothercall.TurnontheTVandcall
meback.”Heheardaclick,thendeadair.“Whatthehellisgoingon?”Mirandalookeddownrightfrightenednow.“What’swrong?”“Ihavenoidea.”Heeasedhertoherfeetandpushedhimselfupfromthechair.“Butwe’reabouttofindout.MirandawatchedthetelevisioninstunnedsilenceasZack’sbrotherRich,pasty-facedand
sallow,wasledinhandcuffsintotheMarylandPoliceHeadquartersbytwouniformedofficers.Athrongofmediaclosedinlikevulturesonacarcass.Camerasflashedandmicrophoneswerethrustinhisface.
Reportersbeggedforastatement.Acomment.Anything.“Isittrueyouwerecaughtsolicitingtheservicesofaprostitute?”oneasked.“Wasshereallyonlyfifteen?”anotherasked.Morbidcuriositykepthergluedtoherspotonthecouch.Itwasthetenthtimetheyhad
rerunthesegmentandshewasstillhavingatoughtimewrappinghermindaroundit.AcceptingthefactthatZack’sbrotherwascaughtupinasexscandal.
Ithadtobeamistake.AmanlikeRichcouldn’tpossiblybecapableofsomethingsodepravedandsleazy.HeandTaylorweretheperfectcouple.Theylovedeachother.
WhatdidItellyou?thatlittlevoiceinthebackofhermindsaid,Menareneverwhattheyseem.
No,ifRichwasanythinglikeZack,thishadtobeamisunderstanding.Sheleanedovertopeerintothekitchen.Zackwasstillpacing,cellphonegluedtohisear.
He’dbeeninconstantcontactwithhispublicist,agentandattorney.Inbetweencallstothemhe’dbeentrying,withoutluck,toreachTaylor.Itseemedasthoughthesecondthenewsbroke,she’dslippedunderground.Thepress,herfriends,evenherfamilyclaimedtohavenocluewhereshe’ddisappearedto.Butunderthecircumstances,eveniftheydidknow,theymayhavebeenhesitanttotellZack.
Hewantedtoknowifshewasokay,andthoughhehadn’tsaidit,MirandawasguessingthatheneededtoknowifsheplannedtostandbyRich.Rich’scareer,andZack’sreputation,hingedonheractions.
“Stillnocomment,”Zackbarkedtowhoeverwasonthephonethistime.She’dneverheardhimbeanythingbutperfectlypoliteonthephone,nomatterwhohewas
talkingto.Hewasevencordialtothetelemarketerswhoneverfailedtocallheronadailybasis.Rightnowhisnerveswerelikearubberbandstretchedtoitsabsolutelimit.Onemoretwangandshefearedhewouldsnap.
“UntilItalktoRich,wereleasenothingmoretothepress.”Hesnappedthephoneshutandturnedtoher.“ThereisnowamobofreportersoutsidemyapartmentbuildinginChicago.”
Swell.“Atleasttheydon’tknowwhereyoureallyare.”“Yet.”Hetossedthephonedownonthecoffeetableanddroppedontothecouchbeside
her.Hesighedanddroppedhisheadbackagainstthecushions,massagedhistemples.“Ican’tbelievethisishappening.”
“Ithastobeamistake,”shesaid,eventhoughdeepdowninhergutshefearedtheworst.Apparently,sodidhe.“Ifthisisamistake,whereisTaylor?Whyisn’tsheathisside
defendinghim?Whyisn’tsheansweringherdamnedphone?”Shewishedshehadanswersforhim.Wishedtherewassomewayshecouldmakethis
better.Thetroublewithcaringaboutsomeonewashavingtowatchthemsuffer,andlivingwiththehelplessfeelingthattherewasn’tadamnthingshecoulddoaboutit.“Whenwillyougettotalktohim?”
“Accordingtohislawyer,heshouldmakebailsometimethisevening.”AbannerdeclaringbreakingnewsandaphotoofRichflashedontothescreen.“Nowwhat?”Zackgrabbedtheremotecontrolandturnedupthevolume,catchingthe
correspondentmidsentence.“—formerinternforthecongressmanhascomeforwardclaimingshewaspaidhush
moneytokeeparelationshipbetweenherselfandRichardJamesonquiet.Andreportedly,sheisn’ttheonlyone.Representativesforthecongressmanwereunavailableforcomment.”Zack’spicturereplacedtheshotofRich,andMiranda’sheartsank.
“Sourcesconfirmthathisbrother,relationshipguruZackaryJameson,forwhomthecongressmanandhiswifewerespokespeople,isalsodecliningtocomment.
We’llbringyoumoreasinformationbecomesavailable—”Zackmutedthevolume.“They’recomingoutofthewoodworknow.”Thiswasn’tlookinggood.Notatall.Sheopenedhermouthtoutterafewmeaninglesswordsofcomfort,buthisphonestarted
ringingagain.Withaheavysigh,hepickeditupfromthetableandflippeditopen.“Yeah.”Therewasapause.“Yes,Iwaswatching.”Hepushedhimselfupoffthecouch,resumedhis
patternofpacing.“No,Ihaven’tspokenwithhimyet.”Therewasanotherpause,thenhesnapped,“Yes,David,Iunderstandtheconceptofdamagecontrol.”
Byeightthateveningthenews,bothnationalandlocal,hadrunfootageoftheinternconfessingatanimpromptunewsconference,teary-eyedandremorseful,thatshehadindeedparticipatedinasexualrelationshipwithherformerbossandmentor.Andshehadbeenpaidhushmoneytonotonlyhidetherelationship,butthefactthatshehadbeenpregnantwithhischild.Apregnancyhehadcoercedherintoterminating.
ConsideringtheinfertilityproblemsTaylorandRichhadbeenhaving,thatparticularbetrayal,iftrue,wasgoingtocutdeep.
PoorTaylor.Tolearnthatpayingoffhispregnantmistresshaddrainedthemoneytheyneededforthefertilitytreatments.Mirandacouldn’timagineanythingmoreheartbreaking.Tomakemattersworse,beneaththegirl’stears,Mirandacouldseeahintofglee,ashadowofdollarsignsinhereyes.Isthatwhatthiswasabout?Bookcontractsandtalk-showinterviews?
Sadly,peoplewouldlisten,becauseshewasyoungandpretty,andlookedgoodwhenshecried.Whichmadehernothingmorethanamediocreactress.
Zackstillhadn’theardfromhisbrother,andlearnedfromRich’sattorneythathewasstillbeingquestionedandprobablywouldn’tbereleaseduntilthemorning.Inadditiontothenear-constantfootageloopofthepolicehaulingRichawayinhandcuffs,clipsofZacklecturingandpromotinghisbooksbegantohittheairwaves.He’dfinallycavedafewhoursearlierandreleasedastatementtothepress.Somethingtotheeffectof,hewasdisturbedbytheallegations,butwouldwithholdanyjudgmentorfurthercommentuntilatimewhenallthefactsofthecasecametolight.
AlmostimmediatelythepresshadbeguntospeculateifthiswouldmarktheendofZack’sreignastheauthorityonfamilyvalues.Wouldhejeopardizehisreputationandstandbehindhisbrotheror,likethecongressman’swifewhohadyettoshowherface,washhishandsofhim?Andatthispoint,diditevenmatter?
TheyinterspersedthecoveragewithshotsofRichandTaylor’sMarylandtownhouseandZack’sapartmentbuildinginChicago.
SheandZacksatallafternoonandintotheevening,sidebysideonthecouch,eyesgluedtothetelevision—whenhewasn’tonthephone—waitingfornewinformation.TheThaifoodMirandahadorderedfordinnersatmostlyuntouchedonthecoffeetable.
Byeleventhepressbegantospeculateaboutsupposedrumorsofthecongressman’skinkyandunconventionalfetishes.AtthatpointZacksnappedoffthetelevision.“Ican’twatchthisanymore.EverytimeIthinkitcan’tgetworse,thatitcan’tgetanysleazier,itdoes.”Herubbedhiseyeswiththeheelsofhispalms.“Thissucks.”
Shefeltsouseless.“IwishtherewassomethingIcouldsayordo.”Hetouchedhercheek,tuckedherhairbackbehindherear.“Havingyouherewithmeisall
Ineed.”Thatjustmayhavebeenoneofthesweetestthingsanyonehadeversaidtoher.Herfamilysurehadneverseemedtoappreciatehercompanionship.Theirreactiontoher
presencewastypicallyoneofexasperationorimpatience.Howmanytimeshadshebeenaccusedofbeingspoiledandselfish?Incorrigibleanddifficult.
Andallbecauseshedidn’twanttodothingstheirway.Becauseshepreferredtothinkforherselfandnotfollowthegrandplantheyhadconceivedforher.
Zackwasn’tlikethat.Besides,thiswasnotthetimetoworryaboutherself.
Aboutherproblems.Herlife.ThiswasaboutZack,andshewouldbethereforhim,nomatterwhat.
Shesmiledupathimandtookhishand,weavingherfingersthroughhis.Shelikedtouchinghim,justbeingclose.“HowdidImanagetofindyou?HowdidIgetsolucky?”
“YoumightfeeldifferentwhenI’munemployedandlivinginsqualor.Nottomentionshame.”
“That’snotgoingtohappen.You’llfigurethisout.”“AndifIdon’t?IfI’mroyallyscrewed?”Sherestedherheadonhisshoulderandclosedhereyes.“Iwouldloveyou,anyway.”Shewaitedforsomesortofresponse.Anyreactiontothefactthatinaroundaboutsortof
way,shehadjusttoldhimthatshelovedhim.Butthereaction,thewordsnevercame.Hejustsattherebesideher,motionless.Andtherewastension.Shecouldfeelitinhisbody,intheair.
Shetriedtoconvinceherselfthatitdidn’tmeananything.Itwasprobablyjusttoomuchtoingestallinoneday.Hewasoverwroughtandupsetanditwasn’tthetimeforspillingherheartoutalloverhim.
Eventhough,ifsomeonetoldhertheylovedher,shewouldbehappyaboutit.Especiallyifshe’dbeenrepeatedlyaskingthatpersontomarryher.Butshedidn’twanthimtosaythewordsuntilhewasonehundredpercentsure.Hermarriagehadbeenbasedondishonestyandhalf-truths.WithZack,itwouldbe
different.Thatdidn’tmakeherfeelanylesslousy.TheshrillofhiscellphonepluckedZackoutofadeadsleepateight-thirtythefollowing
morning.Hevaultedoutofbed,instantlyawake.Heneversleptthislate.Mustbeaself-defensemechanism.Aslongashewasasleep,hedidn’thavetodealwiththefactthathiscareer,hislife,wasinshambles.
Ittookasecondtoprocessthattheringwascomingfromthebedroomfloor,fromthevicinityofthejeanshe’dtossedtherelastnight.
Mirandawascurledintoaballandstillsleepingsoundlybesidehim.Hedidn’twanttoriskwakingher,sohegrabbedhispantsandcarriedthemintothehallway,shuttingthedoorquietlybehindhim.Whenhedugthephoneoutandlookedatthedisplay,herecognizedthenumberinstantly.
Richard.Heflippeditopen,andinlieuofhello,said,“Areyouokay?”“I’vebeenbetter.”Hesoundedtiredanddefeated.Thinandhollow.“Iwasn’tsureifyou
wouldevenpickupthephone.Ithoughtyouwouldbefurious.”He’dtriedtobeangry,butitjustwouldn’tadhere.Richwouldalwaysbehisbabybrother,
thescaredlittleboyZacktookcareofwhentheirparentsweretooself-absorbedtonoticethem.“You’refamily,andfamilystandsbyeachother.Nomatterwhat.”Hesteppedintohisoffice,holdingthephonebetweenhischeekandshoulderashetuggedonhisjeans.“Iwantyoutoknowthatwhateverthiscosts,I’lltakecareofit.Ifyouwanttofightthis—”
“I’mpleadingouttoalessercharge.”“Youconfessed?”“Technically,no.InexchangeforanallocutionItookanextrayearofprobation.”He
paused,thensaid,“AndI’mresigningmyseat.”Whichwasasgoodasaconfessionintheeyesofthepublic.Zackfeltsicktohisstomach.
“Areyousurethat’swhatyouwant?”
“Ijustwantittobeover.Yourreputation…”Wasprobablyalreadydamagedbeyondrepair.“Letmeworryaboutthat.”“I’msorry,Zack.Ididn’tmeanforthistohappen.Itriedsohardto…I’msorryI’msucha
screw-up.”“We’llgetthroughthis,”Zackassuredhim.“We’reateam.”“Maybeit’sgenetic.Orenvironmental.Maybeitwasinevitable.”Theirfathercheated,sohissonswould,too?Zackdidn’tbelievethat.Hebelievedthateveryonemadechoices.Andwhowashetopass
judgment?Didn’thehaveapregnantmistresssleepinginthenextroom?Evenhecouldn’tliveuptohisownstringentstandards.
Thathadbeenhischoice,andhewaspreparedtodealwiththeconsequences.Hisbrotherwouldhavetodothesame.
“IloveTaylor.Therewasjustsomethingmissing.”“Youdon’thavetoexplain.”Deepdown,hehadalreadyknownthat.Despitethefront
Richputon,Zackknewsomethingwaswrong.“I’velosteverything,”Richsaid,soundingmiserable.“Youhaven’tlostme.Wejusthavetopickupthepiecesandmoveon.”“You’llgetthroughthis,Zack.Youwerealwaysthestrongone.”Hesoundedsopositive,
sosureofhimself,thatZackwantedtobelieveitwastrue.Sowhydidhegetthefeelingtheothershoewasabouttofall?
Chapter14
Itfell.Twodayslater.Only,itwasn’toneshoe.Oneshoehecouldhandle.Oneshoewas
manageable.Thiswasadamnedclosetfulofshoes.AllofthemonthefeetofthereportersandcameramencampedoutsideMiranda’scondo.
Thestorybrokelatethenightbefore.Inadditiontotheconstantshrillofhisphone,hershadbeguntoringoffthehook,aswell.
Mirandapeeredthroughthecurtainsouthisbedroomwindowtothemobacrossthestreet.“Atleasttheydon’tknowaboutyourcondo,otherwisetheywouldbeoverhere,too.”
“Andunlesswewantthemtofindout,you’restuckhere,”Zacktoldher.Atleastuntiloneoftheirneighborsmadetheconnection.UntiltheyfiguredoutthattheguylinkedwithMirandathattheywereseeingonthenewswasactuallylivingintheirneighborhood.
Sheshookherheadinamazement.“Howdidthishappen?”“Someonestarteddigging.Orsomeonerattedusout.”Sheshothimaquestioninglookoverhershoulder.“Taylor?”“Couldbe.”“Hellhathnofury?”“Couldyoublameherifshedid?Maybethiswasinevitable.Afterall,itisafamily
tradition.”Sheshothimaquestioninglook.“Yes.Mydadcheatedonmymom.ButunlikeRich,hedidn’tbothertryingtohideit.And
insteadofdealingwithit,shedrankherselfintoastuporeverynight.Ineverunderstoodwhyshedidn’tjustleavehim.Hewastheonewhowalkedaway.The
onewhofinallyleft.”“Sheprobablythoughthewouldchange.”“Theyfoughtallthetime.Mymomwouldscreamathimandthrowthings.Sometimesitwassobad,soloud,theneighborswouldcallthepolice.Youcan’timagine
howembarrassingthatwas.”Helookedupather.“You’retheonlypersonI’veevertoldthatto.”
“I’mgladyoudid.”Heleanedbackonhiselbowsandgazedupattheceiling,thedotsofmorningsunshine
filteringthroughthecurtainslikeamonotonekaleidoscope.“Iwassodamnedarrogant.DidIreallythinkwewouldn’tgetcaught?Thatpeoplewouldn’tfigureitout?”
Shesatonthebedbesidehimandleanedbackonherelbows,mirroringhisstance.“You’reahopelessoptimist.”
“I’mafool.”“Well,ifit’sanyconsolation,mycareerisinforaseriousblow,too.”“Iwouldthinkallthispublicitywouldbegoodforyourimage.”“Maybe,butmyimagewon’tmeansquatwhenthepublisherfindsouthowbusyI’vebeen
notwritingthatbookIowethem.”Itfeltgoodtosaythewords,sherealized.Tofinallyadmititoutloud.Itfeltlikeahugeweightoffhershoulders.
“Youhaven’twrittenanyofit?”
“Notonedamnedword.Idon’thavetheslightestcluewhattosay.Idon’tevenknowwheretobegin.”
“Justwritewhatyoubelievein,what’sinyourheart.”“Maybethat’stheproblem.MaybeI’mnotsurewhatIbelieveinanymore.Iwaswrong
aboutsomanythings.Imean,lookatmylife.Lookwhatamessit’sin.WhoamItogivepeopleadviceonanything?”“Youknowthelaw.”“Justwhattheworldneeds.Anotherboring,crustybookondivorcelaw.”Sheletherhead
dropagainsthisarm.Beingclosetohim,barelytouching,madeherfeelbetter.Itmadethingsseemalittlelesshopeless.“ThepublisherwantsanotherinstantNewYorkTimesbestseller.Idon’tthinkIcangivethemthat.
Infact,IknowIcan’t.”“Howdidyouwritethefirstbook?”“IhadIvy.ShetookwhatIwroteandbreathedlifeintoit.Thethoughtofdoingitwithout
her…Isitatmycomputerstaringatthescreen,attheblankdocument,andIgetthisacheinmystomach.Thisbundleofnervesthatmakesmefeelsickinside.”
“Miranda,doyouevenlikewriting?”Goodquestion.“Thetruthis,Idon’t.Ifindittobeexcruciatinglypainful.”“Sodon’tdoit.”Hemadeitsoundsosimple.“That’saswellidea,butIhaveacontracttofulfill.”“You’realawyer.Youknowthatanycontractcanbebroken.”Hewasright,ofcourse.Sheknewhewas.Witheverythingelseinherlife,itwasjustone
morethingshedidn’twanttodealwith.“MaybeI’mjustnotreadytoadmitthatIfailed.”Heshrugged,makingherheadbobagainsthissleeve.“Nooneisperfect.”Shelookedupathim.“Boy,we’reapair,aren’twe?”Heleanedover,kissedhergently,rubbedthetipofhisnoseagainsthers.“Ithinkso.”Herheartinstantlymelted.Stilltherewasthatlittlevoiceinthebackofhermind.The
peskyoneasking,didheloveher?Andifhedid,whydidn’thejustsayit?Hejustneededtime.Theybothdid.Shehadtostopbeingsoselfish,thinkingonlyof
herself.Shewasabouttowrapherarmsaroundhisneck,drawhimcloseandreallykisshim,but
hercellphonechosethatmomenttobeginringingagain.Sheclosedhereyesandgroaned.Shewasreadytoflushthedamnedthingdownthetoilet.
Exceptsheknewthateventuallyshewouldhavetoanswerthehalf-dozenmessagesheragenthadleft.Andherfamily.
Ugh.Shewouldhavetocallthem,too.Shewouldhavetofigureoutawaytoexplainwhy,
whenshewasmarried,shecouldn’tbebotheredtohaveachild,buthavingoneconceivedintheheatofpassionduringaone-nightstandwasperfectlyacceptable.Thatwasacallshewasnotlookingforwardto.Whichiswhy,whenshesawherparents’numberonthedisplay,sheletitgotovoicemail.Again.
Thensheshutthedamnedthingoffandtosseditoffthebed.“Youknowwhatweneedtodo,”shesaid.“Whatdoweneedtodo?”Sheloopedherarmsaroundhisneck.“Weneedtodosomethingtotakeourmindsoffof
everythingthat’shappening.Youknow,likeadiversion.”
Hegrinned,gotthatdevilishlookinhiseye.“Whatdidyouhaveinmind?”“I’mgladyouasked.”Sheshovedathischest,rollingthembothoversoshewasontop
andstraddlinghiships.Shesmileddownathim,goingtoworkonhisbeltbuckle.“HoldstillandI’llshowyou.”
Chapter15
Thefollowingafternoon,Mirandafinallygaveinandcalledheragent.“Wherethehellhaveyoubeen?”sheshriekedwhenhersecretaryconnectedthem.“I’vecalledyouamilliontimes!”“Sorry.Ijustneededalittletimetoregroup.”“Everytalkshow,newspaperandmagazinewantsapieceofthis.You’realegend.”Alegend?Forhavinganaffairandgettingknockedup?“Isn’tthatabitofan
exaggeration?”“Areyoukidding?You’reonfire!Miranda,youdethronedtherelationshipking.Doyourealizewhatthiswilldoforwomen’srightsandfeminism?Thisishuge!”Supposeshedidn’twantthatdistinction?Thatresponsibility.Itwasonethingtobe
independentandmodern,butheractionsdidn’tnecessarilyreflectthatbehavior.Shedidn’twanttogiveanyonethatimpression.
Didn’twanttoberesponsibleforruiningthecareerofthemansheloved.Thefatherofherchild.
Howdidshegetherselfintothismess?“Howistheproposalgoing?”heragentasked.Shedidn’tknowwhattosay.Maybesheshouldjusttellherthetruth.Tellhershecouldn’t
doit.Thatshedidn’twantto.“Youknowwhat,itdoesn’tmatter.Whateveryouhave,tossit.”“Tossit?”“Theywanttoplayonthiswhileit’shot.Italkedtoyoureditorthismorning.Shewantsatell-allautobiographyofhowyoubroughtdowntherelationshipguru.”“What?”“Andtheywantityesterday.”Oh.My.God.Theywereaskinghertohanghim.Andtheyweresupplyingrope.Sheclosedhereyesandcursedsilently.Therewasabsolutelynowayshecoulddothatto
him.Neverinamillionyears.Shedidn’tcarewhatitwoulddoforherreputationorhercareer.Nocareerwasworthruininganother.
Heragent’stonewentfromexcitedtowary.“Miranda,Icannotstresshowimportantitistoyourcareertogetthisbookwritten.”
“No,”shesaid.“No,what?”“I’mnotawriter.Ivywasthevoicebehindthefirstbook.Thetalent.Notme.”Shelaughed.Actuallylaughed.“Isthatall?Believemethatisn’taproblem.Autobiographersuseghostwritersallthetime.Itwillmeanlessmoneyforyouofcourse,
butthiswillbesobigIdoubt—”“No.”“No,what?Noghostwriter?”“Notoallofit.Ican’twritethebook.”“Thisisyourcareerwe’retalkingabout.”Herwritingcareer.Onethatlatelyhaddonenothingbutmakeherfeelconfusedandinept.
Asofthismoment,thatpartofherlifewasofficiallyover.Shewouldgobacktolaw.Itwasinherheart.Herblood.
“Myanswerisstillno.”“Idon’tseetheproblem,Miranda.It’snotlikeyou’regoingtomarrytheguy.”Maybenotrightnow,buteventually.Shelovedhim.Andhelovedher,too,evenifhe
couldn’tsayit.Formostofherlife,itseemedasthoughsomethingwasmissing.Somethingshewanteddesperatelybutcouldn’tidentify.Andnomatterwhatshegot,itwasneverenough.Neverright.Maybeallthistimeshe’dhaditbackward.Maybethetrickwasn’tjustgettingwhatshewanted.Itwaswantingwhatshehad.
AndshewantedZack.“Yes,”shetoldheragent.“Iam.”Iftherehadbeenaworst-casescenarioforZackconcerninghisrelationshipwithMiranda
versushisreputationasafamilyman,theyhadfoundit.Hewentoutonalimb,andwithherconsent,releasedastatementthatyes,theywere
expectingachild,andwhiletheyweren’tmarriedandhadnoimmediateplanstotietheknot,theywereinanexclusive,monogamousrelationship.
Eitherthenewshadcometoolate,orpeoplejustweren’twillingtoacceptwhatcouldhavebeeninterpretedasado-as-I-say-not-as-I-do,attitude.Everydaybroughtnewsofaspeakingarrangementthathadbeencanceled.Anotherendorsementdropped.
Witheachcall,eachnewbitofbadnews,Mirandacouldseehislevelofanxietyrising,seehimbecomemoreandmorefrustrated,anditbrokeherheart.Didn’tpeoplerealizethatZackwasoneofthegoodguys?Hetrulybelievedwhathetaught,buthewashuman.Hemademistakeslikeeveryoneelse.
Shedidn’tdaretellhimaboutthebookherpublisherhadaskedhertowrite.Shefeareditwouldbethethingtopushhimovertheedge.Allheknewwasthather
writingdayswereofficiallyover.Thepublisherwasthreateninglegalactionand,aswarpedasitwas,shefeltrelieved.Infact,shewasactuallylookingforwardtoit.Shecouldbealawyeragain.Shefeltasthoughshewasbackwhereshebelonged.
Butasgoodasshefelt,Zackfeltequallylousy.Maybehewouldhavebeenbetteroffifhehadbeenhonestfromthestart.
Andoneweekfromthedaythestorybroke,thebottomdroppedout.“ItlooksasthoughI’mgoingtohavealotoffreetimeonmyhands,”Zackannounced
fromthekitchendoorway.Mirandawasmakingthemdinner.Thoughthemoboutsideofhercondohadfinallygivenupanddispersed,shestillspentthemajorityofhertimeathisplace.Especiallywhenmealswereconcerned.Sincehekeptmorefoodthanshedid.
Forallintentsandpurposes,theywerelivingtogether.Theyjusthadn’tmadeitofficialyet.
Shecouldtellbythelookonhisfacethatitwasbad.“Morecancellations?”“IthasbeensuggestedthatitwouldbebestifIremovemyselffromthepubliceyefora
while.Goonsabbatical.”“Isthatwhatyouwant?”“I’mnotsurewhatIwant.”Hesoundedsodefeated,sodejected,shewanttocry.Shecrossedtheroomandputher
armsaroundhim,pressinghercheektohischest,theswellofherbellybumpinghis.Shewasstartingtoshow,andshecouldswearshefeltaflutterofmovementlastnightwhileshelaystillinbed,unabletosleep.ListeningtoZackpretendingtosleepbesideher.“You’llfigureitout,Zack.Everythingwillbeokay.”
“Everyonekeepstellingmethat.”
“It’strue.Idon’tevenknowhowIknowit.Ijustdo.”“Everythingissoscreweduprightnow,Idon’tknowwheretostart.”“Maybeyoushouldstartbydecidingexactlywhatitisthat’simportant.Isitaboutthe
money?Thecelebrity?”“Ofcoursenot.”“Doyoulikeseeingyourpictureonthebookjackets?Yournameinthenewspaper?Isit
thethrillofgettingupinfrontofapackedauditorium?”“No.Ilike…helpingpeople.”“Sohelpthem.”“Andiftheydon’twantmyhelp?”“Youmakethemlisten.TrustmewhenIsay,thisisaqualityyouexcelat.Behonestabout
thefactthatyoumadeamistake.Letthemknowyou’rehuman.I’llbetmostpeoplewillrespectyouforit.”
“Andtheoneswhodon’t?”“Thosepeopledon’tmatter.”“Youhavetobeenjoyingthisatleastalittle.”What?Shelookedupathisface,toseeifhewasserious.“Enjoyingit?”“It’slikepaybackfortheradiointerview.”Hesaiditwithhumor,asifitwasajoke,butshehadthefeelinghewasn’tjoking.Didhe
reallybelieveshewouldfindsatisfactioninwatchinghiscareercrumble?Didhereallythinkshewassoheartless?Shebackedoutofhisarms.“Thatwasaterriblethingtosay.”“You’reright.”Hesighedanddraggedahandthroughhishair.Itwasgettinglong,andhis
beardhadfilledbackin.Notthatthedisguisewasgoingtodothemmuchgoodnow.“I’msorry.Comehere.”
Hepulledhertohimandwrappedherupinhisarms.Shepressedhercheektohischest,felttearsburnthecornersofhereyes.
Peskyhormones.Theywereturningherintoabigwuss.Hestrokedherhair,herback.“Howdideverythinggetsoscrewedup?”“Wearenotintheminority,Zack.Everyonehastheircrosstobear.Whatmakesyouso
specialthatitshouldbeeasierforus?”“I’mtherelationshipguru.Thisismybusiness.”Notanymore,shethought.NowhewasjustplainZackJameson.Asconfusedandscrewed
upaseveryoneelse.Thatwasjustanaturalpartoflife.Iftheydidn’tmakemistakes,whatwouldtheyever
learn?Heofallpeopleshouldknowthatrelationshipstakework.Iflovecameeasy,withoutafight,theymightbegintotakeitforgranted.Shedidn’twantthattoeverhappentothem.
SherubbedhercheekagainstthesoftcottonofhisT-shirt.“Iloveyou,Zack.”Therewasapause,analmostimperceptibleshiftinhisdemeanor.Wouldhereturnthe
sentimentthistime?Didheloveher,too?Finallyhesaid,“Butnotenoughtomarryme.”Hecouldn’thavebeenmorewrong.Butitwasnolongerabouthowmuchshecaredfor
him.Therealquestionwas,howdidhefeelabouther?Hewasthemosthonestmansheknew,untilitcametotalkingabouthisfeelings.Itwasas
ifhe’derectedawallbetweenthem,andnothingshedidorsaidwouldknockitdown.She
understoodthathe’dhaditrough.Thathe’dprobablygonethroughlifefeelinginadequateandunloved.Thathisworkasapsychologistwasawaytosomehowreconcilehispast.
Shegotthat.Andsheknewthatdeepdownhelovedher,evenifhecouldn’tsaythewords.Butshe
refusedtospendtherestofherlifeplayingguessinggames,beingheldatarm’slength.Shewantedmorethistime.Shewanteditall,andshedeservedit.
Shesteppedbackfromhimandhedroppedhisarmstohissides.“HowmuchIloveyouisn’ttheissue.”
“Whatistheissue?”heasked,thoughshewasconvincedhealreadyknew.Andsherefusedtobegforit,totrytowinhislove.Hisaffection.She’dplayedthatgame.Playedandlost.
“Theissueiswhyyouwanttomarryme.”“Youknowwhy.”“Refreshmymemory.”Nowhelookedangry.“Whatdoyouwantfromme,Miranda?”Don’tdothis,shewantedtobeg.Don’truinit.“Ionlywanttohearthewords,Zack.I
wanttohearyousayitwithmyownears.”“Whatisthis?Anothertest?Youwon’tbehappyuntilyou’vestrippedmeofthelastofmy
dignity?Imovedacrossthecountryforyou,riskedmyreputation.I’vedoneeverythinghumanlypossibletoprovemyintentions.Sacrificedeverything.And
whathaveIgotteninreturn?”Washekeepingscore?Foreverygooddeedheexpectedanequalresponse?Shefeltsick.Sickallthewaydowntohersoul.Lovinghershouldn’thavebeena
sacrifice.“IthinkI’mbeginningtounderstandhowyourhusbandfelt.”Shefelteverylastbitofblooddrainfromherface,andsomethingcoldandblackpierced
herheart.Ifhewastryingtosinklow,tohitbelowthebelt,he’dsucceeded.“Youwanttotakeaswingatme,Zack?Wouldthatmakeyoufeelbetter?Makeyoufeellikeaman?”
“YouknowI’mnotlikethat.”Shethoughtsheknewhim.Turnsoutshe’dbeenwrong.Hewasastranger.“Idon’twanttohurtyou,Miranda,butIcan’tbewithsomeonewhoisn’twillingtomeet
mehalfway.”Wasthatanultimatum?Shemarriedhimoritwasover?Shefeltcold.Soverycold.Maybehereallydidn’tloveherafterall.“Iguessthat’sit,
then.”“Iguessso.”Shecouldfeelthetearsbuildingbehindhereyes,wellingupintoherthroattochokeher.
Shedidn’twanthimtoseeherthatway.Tremblingfromtheinsideout,shewalkedtothedoor.Sheturnedtheknobandstepped
outontotheporchintotheblazingafternoonheat.Andhelethergo.Hewasanidiot.Andthoughitmayhavetakenhimaweektoadmitittohimself,he’dprettymuchknown
allalong.Heknewwhenhe’dmadethechoicetomoveheresohecouldconvincehertomarryhim.Itwasaninsulttoherintelligence.
It’sawondershehadn’ttossedhimoutonhisearthatfirstday.
Andwhothehellwashetolectureheraboutsacrifice?Shehadopenedupherlifetohim.Herheart.She’dlethiminside.Whathadhedone?Whathadhereallygivenherthatsheneeded?
Hewassuchanidiot.Thetoughpartnowwastellingherthetruthandmakingherbelievehim.Hecheckedhisreflectionintheentrywaymirrorashewalkedtothedoor.Hewasclean
shaven,andthebaseballcaphadbeenofficiallyretired.Hewasthroughhiding,pretendingtobesomethinghewasn’t.Hewaspreparedtofacewhateverlifethrewhisway.Evenifthatmeantdodgingafewbulletsnowandthen.Theonlyimportantthing,allthatreallymattered,wasthatheandMirandaweremeanttobetogether.
Hegrabbedhiskeysfromthetableandsteppedoutside,andtheswelteringheathithimlikeawalloffire.Acrossthestreet,Mirandawassteppingoutherowndoor.Todaywasherultrasoundappointmentandheplannedtogowithher.
Shepausedwhenshesawhim.Shewasreallybeginningtolookpregnant.HerbellypeekedoutfromunderthebottomedgeofherT-shirt.Hestarteddownthedrivewayasshedartedforhercar.
Lookslikeshewasgoingtotrytooutrunhim.Butthistimehewasn’tgivingupsoeasily.Mirandaclimbedintohercar,thecloyingheatscorchingtheinsidesofherlungs.With
tremblinghandsshefumbledthekeyintotheignitionandturned.Assoonastheenginestartedsheloweredallthewindowsandsuckedinabreath.
IfZack’sintentionwastojoinherforherappointment,itwasn’tgoingtohappen.Shewasn’treadytofacehim,tofacethefactthatithadbeensoeasyforhimtotossheraside,andshefeltasthoughsomeonehadreachedintoherchestandrippedherheartintwo.
God,shewaspathetic.Shewashopelesslyinlovewithamanwho,asfarasshecouldtell,wasn’tevencapableof
lovingherback.Shesteppedonthegasandbackedintothestreet,jammedthecarintogear,readytofloor
it.ButZackwasthere.Hehadplantedhimselfinthestreet,rightinfrontofhercar.Damnhim!“Weneedtotalk,”hesaid.“Idon’thavetime.”“Wecantalkonthewaytoyourappointment.”“Notthistime.I’mgoingalone.”“Thedealwas,weweregoingthroughthistogether.”Butthingshadchanged.Withherfootonthebrake,shegunnedtheengine.“Move,Zack.”Hedidn’tbudgefromhisspot.“EitherI’mgoingwithyou,orwesitherealldaylikethis.
Yourchoice.”Whatdidhewanttodo,throwafewmoreultimatumsherway?Bargainwithher?Remind
heragainhowspoiledshewas?No,thankyou.Hadn’thedoneenough?“Don’tthinkIwon’trunyoudown,”shewarned.Atthatverysecondshefeltangry
enoughtodoit.Andangershecouldhandle.Angerwasgood.Shecouldwrapherhandsarounditandsqueeze.Itwasthedeep,heart-wrenchingpainthatwasbecomingtoomuchtotake.
Heleanedforwardandplantedhishandsonthehood.Shecouldonlyimaginehowhotitfeltaftersittingoutinthesunallafternoon.“You’llhavetorunmeover,then.”
Therewasonemajorproblemwithlivingonacul-de-sac.Therewasonlyonewayout.Andhewasinit.“I’lldoit,”shewarned,inchingthecarforward.Hesatonthehood.Actuallysatdownandmadehimselfcomfortableonthehoodofher
car.“Thenyou’retakingmewithyou.”Fine.Ifthatwasthewayhewantedtodoit.Ifhewantedtoruinthisspecialday.Fine.
“Getin.”Henarrowedhiseyesather.“YoupromisenottotakeoffthesecondIgetdown.”Shecould.Hell,sheshould,butshewasgoingtobeanadult.Aftereverythingthathad
happenedinthepastfewweeks,runningdownthefatherofherchildwouldonlyconfirmherneighbors’suspicionsthatshewascompletelycertifiable.AndgetherapotentialguestspotonJerrySpringer.
ShejammeditintoPark.“IpromiseIwon’ttakeoff.”Heslidoffthehood,keepinghisbodyclosetothecarashewalkedaroundthepassenger’s
side,openedthedoorandvaultedhimselfin.Shewaiteduntilhewasbuckledin,theneasedthecartothecorner.
Shecouldn’thelpbutnoticethathewasn’twearinghisdisguise.Hewascleanshavenandlookedasthoughhe’dhadhishaircut.Andhedidsmellgood.Evenwiththewindowsopenhisscentseemedtowrapallaroundher.Puttingontheair-conditioningwouldonlymakeitworse.
“I’manidiot,”hesaid.Well,that’sonethingtheydefinitelyagreedon.Shesearchedthememorybanksfor
somethingsnarkytosnapbackathim,butnothingcametomind.Despiteeverything,shecouldn’tbemean.Couldn’thurthim.Hewasanidiot,buthecouldn’thelpit.
“Iwanttobewithyou,”hesaid.“Iwantustobeafamily.”She’dheardthatlinebefore.Buttherehadtobeacatch.Therewasalwaysacatch.“You
knowhowIfeelaboutthat.”“Ido.Iknewexactlywhatyouneededfromme,butIwastoomuchofanidiottodoit.To
admittoyouwhatyouprobablyalreadyknew.”Herhandshadbeguntoshakeagainandshegrippedthewheeltighter.Tearswelledup,
makingtheroadswiminfrontofhereyes.“Iloveyou,Miranda.”Shesuckedinabreath,asortofhalfhiccup,halfsob.Shewasnotgoingtocry.Shewasgoingtoholdittogether.“Yousureyou’renotsaying
thatjusttogetinmypants?”Shejoked.Fromthecornerofhereye,shesawhimsmile.“Idon’tknowifitmeansanything,butI’veneversaidthattoanyonebefore.Notawoman,notmyparents.NotevenRich.”Suddenlytheroadwasatotalblur.Shehadtopullofftotheshouldertokeepfromkilling
themboth.SherolledtoastoponthedirtshoulderandputthegearinPark.“Imayhavefeltitatimeortwo,butIneverhadthegutstosaythewords.Toputmyself
outthere.”Hetookoneofherhands,wrappeditupinhisown.“Stillloveme?OramItoolate?”Hecouldn’ttell?Sheswipedawaythetearthatspilledoverontohercheek.“Duh.”Hegrinnedandsqueezedherhand.“Justwantedtobesure.”
“Andfortherecord.Ididloveyouenoughtomarryyou.Ifyou’dhaveonlyaskedtherightway.”
Hiseyesneverstrayingfromherown,heliftedherhandtohismouthandkissedit.“Miranda,Iloveyou,andIwanttospendtherestofmylifewithyou.Willyoumarryme?”
Shedidn’tknowifsheshouldlaughorcry.Soshedidboth.Andshesaidyes.“Wouldyouliketoknowthesex?”thetechnicianaskedasshesmearedgooonMiranda’s
belly.MirandalookedupatZack.Hestoodbesidethetableholdingherhand.Theyneverhad
madeadecision.Shehadbeenfor,Zackhadbeenagainst.“Youwanttoknow?”heaskedher,andshenodded.Hesmiledandtoldthetechnician,
“Wewanttoknow.”Mirandaanxiouslywatchedthescreenasthefirstimagesoftheirbabyappeared.Itjustlookedlikeaconfusingjumbletoher,butthetechnicianseemedtorecognizewhat
shewasseeing.Sherantheprobeacrossherbellyandbackagain,typingonthekeyboardwiththeoppositehand.“Canyoutellifit’saboyorgirl?”
Sheshookherhead.“Theydon’tseemtowanttocooperate.”ShelookedatZack,thentheybothlookedatthetechnicianandsaidinunison,“They?”“Thedoctornevermentionedmultiples?”“Never,”Mirandasaid,feelingshell-shocked.Zack’sexpressionmirroredherown.“Wouldn’twehaveheardtwoheartbeats?”“Withmaternaltwinsit’snotuncommonfortheheartstobeattogether.”“Maternal,asinidentical?”Mirandaasked.AndZackasked,“Areyousure?”Shepointedtothefuzzyimageonthescreen.“Here’sonespine,here’sthesecond.”Mirandasquintedatthescreen,andsureenough,shecouldseethem.Twins.Twicethediapersandthecryingandthefeeding.Twicethework,andmoresleepless
nights.Andtwicethelove.AndshewassureZackhadplentytogoaround.Thebabiesneverdidcooperateandrevealtheirgender.Alreadyshowingtheirfather’s
stubbornstreak,shefigured.Buttheydidgetascreenshotthatveryclearlyshowedthemboth.“Yourdoctorwilltalkwithyouatyournextappointment,buteverythinglooksgreat,”the
technicianassuredthem.“Congratulations.”Aftersheleft,Mirandasatupandwipedofftherestofthegoo.“Twins,”Zacksaid,shakinghishead,asthoughhestillcouldn’tquitegrasptheconcept.“Whenyouknockagirlup,youreallyknockherup,”shejoked,andheflashedherawry
grin.“Areyoutotallyfreakedout?”“Nottotally.”Helookeddownattheultrasoundimage.“IthinkImightevenbegetting
usedtotheidea.”Shepulledhershirtdownoverherbelly,hertwins,andswungherlegsoverthesideofthe
table.“Wehavesomanyplanstomakeandthingstobuy.”“I’dlikeyoutodosomethingforme,”hesaid.“Iwantyoutocallyourparentsandtryto
patchthingsup.”Sheopenedhermouthtoobject,togivehimsobstoriesandexcuses,thencloseditagain
whenshesawthelookonhisface.Itwaslineddeepwithregretandsadness.
“Despiteeverythingthathappened,they’restillyourparents.Yourfamily.Theywon’tbearoundforever.Ifyoudon’tatleasttrytoworkitout,you’llregretitwhenthey’regone.”Hereachedupandbrushedawispofhairbackfromherface.“Trustmeonthisone.”
Shedidtrusthim.“I’llcallthemtonight.”“Ifyouwantthemtoacceptyouforwhoyouare,thatmeansacceptingthemforwhothey
are,too.”Hewasshrinkingheragain,butsheletitslidethistime,sincehiswordsmadealotof
sense.Andtheywerecomingfromhisheart.“Besides.”Heplacedahandoverherbelly.“They’regoingtobetheonlygrandparents
theseguyshave.”“Nottomentionthatmyparentsnotoriouslylovetobabysit.Andwe’reprobablygoingto
needabreathernowandthen.”Hishandfeltwarmonhertummy.Warmandsafe.SheknewthatZackwouldneverhurt
her.“Ifitwasn’tforthesetwo,wemayneverhavereconnected,”hesaid.“Wewouldbeliving
totallydifferentlives.”Andshecouldn’timaginespendingherlifewithanyoneelse.“Doesthatmeanwehaveto
spoilthem?”“Maybealittle.”Hegrinneddownather,brushedherhairbackfromhercheekandtucked
itbehindherear.“Youknow,foryearsIsearchedfortheperfectwoman.Theperfectmate.”“And?”“AndIgotsomeoneevenbetter.”Hebrushedhisnoseagainsthers,smiledthatsexysmile.
“Igotyou.”
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