‘how to ’ make your writing...

Make Your Writing Readablefor scientists and engineers:

PART-III

Y N Mohapatra

IIT Kanpur

‘How to ’

IDC 603A MAR 22, 2018 IIT Kanpur

Highlights of Part II

Clarity, Continuity & Cohesion

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A search for…..

Clarity

while being Concise

Continuity

or Flow while retaining emphasis

Cohesion

with Unity of purpose and style

These do not come naturally to most of us.

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Cohesion

How to ensure that the readers will

Grasp the TOPIC

Get the POINT

Keep track of PLAYERS, &

See how one IDEA follows from another

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Show rather tan Tell.

Cohesion

The Topic

is the comforting Umbrella.

The Point

the local focus : the Handle.

Linkages

connection to the topic: Spokes

Held together tightly to protect against rain of distractions.ynm iit kanpur

Organization Patterns: Arcs of Coherence

Cause & Effect : First cause, then effect or vice versa

Chronology : Implied & Explicit Sequencing

Resemblance: Comparison & Contrast, Analogy

Listing : Must be parallel

Elaboration : Exemplification, Extended Definition

Classification Division, Attribution,

General to Particular, or Particular to General

A clear and deliberately chosen pattern helps. Can be nested or linked.ynm iit kanpur

Intensifiers & Signal Words or Phrases

Cause & Effect : therefore, Thus consequently, accordingly,

asa aresult, leads to, affects, requires, produces etc.

Chronology : In 1857, last week, sequence of process

Resemblance: however, on the other hand, conversely,

similarly, likewise, in contrast to; More than less than, X will be easy but Y would entail complications; while, where as, but

Listing : given blow, as follows etc.

Elaboration : specifically, in general, is attributed to

Intensifiers & Connectives serve as the glue for cohesion.ynm iit kanpur

Although it is intuitively clear that these assumptions are idealizations

and in conflict with everyday experience, the difficulty is how to

refine them when data on mobility is lacking, insufficient, or

incomplete. Fortunately, a series of recent studies [16–19]

substantially advanced our knowledge on multiscale human mobility.

An important discovery that emerged from these studies are

individual mobility networks, i.e., individuals typically only visit a

limited number of places frequently, predominantly performing

commutes between home and work locations and possibly a few other

locations. Consequently, individuals or groups of individuals exhibit

spatially constrained movement patterns despite their potentially high

mobility rate. It has remained elusive how this novel and important

empirical insight on individual mobility networks can be reconciled

with epidemiological models, to what extent it may impact spatial

disease dynamics, and how it may alter spreading scenarios and

predictions promoted by ordinary reaction diffusion models, in which

mobile hosts can reach every location in the system.(Belik et al. PRL 2011)

Listing: frequently used in S&T

Formatted : Grammatically parallelEx.1 In this particular case the most important variables are the following:

1. Pressure and temperature of the boiler

2. what type of boiler is required

3. The amount of oxygen

4. Fuel temperature

Ex.2. The present duties include repairing computers, printing devices and scanning instruments.

Ex.3. Mr. B. Prasad, the senior systems manager, asked me to develop a hard disk management system, to reside in the server, to give better control, and to co-ordinate numerous disk drives.

Ex.4. We learn many reasons why a concept fails to be appreciated by reading, observing, talking an listening to our students.

Unformatted: Indication that a list follows.

Order of importance: Descending or Ascending

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Example: Parallelism in List

Sweat potentially contains a wealth of physiologically relevant

information, but has traditionally been an underutilized resource

for non-invasive health monitoring. Recent advances in wearable

sweat sensors have overcome many of the historic drawbacks of

sweat sensing and such sensors now offer methods of gleaning

molecular-level insight into the dynamics of our bodies. Here we

review key developments in sweat sensing technology. We

highlight the potential value of sweat-based wearable sensors,

examine state-of-the-art devices and the requirements of the

underlying components, and consider ways to tackle data integrity

issues within these systems. We also discuss challenges and

opportunities for wearable sweat sensors in the development of

personalized healthcare. (underlining mine)

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Abstract, Nature Electronics volume 1, pages160–171 (2018):

M. Bariya, H. .Y.Y. Nyein, A. Javey

Formal or Informal

Audience : Err on the conservative side

Register: A continuum for formal to informal

Tone:Dismissive ……. Arrogant

Timid………………confident

Dull…………………Energetic

Cynical…………….Optimistic

Condescending ……..Caring

In scientific communication, most desired tone: Neutral, Confident (persuasive), Open, emotionally enthusiastic, and a sense of self-assurance.

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Editing for Emphasis

Handling repetitionsFull Form

Short Form

Pronoun

Relative Clauses

Compound Nouns

➢Combining Closely related Sentences

➢Being Concise

➢Using Intensifiers & Connectives

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Example: Handling Repetition

Sweat potentially contains a wealth of physiologically relevant

information, but has traditionally been an underutilized resource

for non-invasive health monitoring. Recent advances in wearable

sweat sensors have overcome many of the historic drawbacks of

sweat sensing and such sensors now offer methods of gleaning

molecular-level insight into the dynamics of our bodies. Here we

review key developments in sweat sensing technology. We

highlight the potential value of sweat-based wearable sensors,

examine state-of-the-art devices and the requirements of the

underlying components, and consider ways to tackle data integrity

issues within these systems. We also discuss challenges and

opportunities for wearable sweat sensors in the development of

personalized healthcare. (italics mine)

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Abstract, Nature Electronics volume 1, pages160–171 (2018):

M. Bariya, H. .Y.Y. Nyein, A. Javey

‘No Unnecessary Words’

Every time a writer adds a word to a sentence, he is imposing not one but two cognitive demands on the reader:

➢ Understanding the word, and

➢ Fitting it into the tree (of ideas).

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Ex.

The increase in crystallinity of the sample has positive

correlation with increase in thermal energy provides, and

hence the temperature.

Ex. The sample becomes more crystalline at higher temperature.

What is unnecessary?

➢Hedge Terms : Redundancies in uncertainty

Ex. The new experiment may potentially revolutionize the filed.

➢Obvious Expressions: obvious or excessive details

Ex. I received your letter that you wrote yesterday, and read it thoroughly.

➢Unnecessary determiners and modifiers:Ex. Any particular type of hard surface will be adequate.

➢Repetitive Terms:The Laboratory considered the procedure an uneeded extra step.

➢Redundant Pairs: various differences, past history, future plans, past

memories, final outcome, unexpected surprise, free gift, sudden crisis

➢Redundant Criteria: large in size, period in time, round in shape, of

cheap quality, in a confused state. The precipitate was red in colour and shiny in appearance.

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Example: Writing & Science students

Students majoring in science often believe they can

escape the intensive writing and presentations that their

peers in the humanities and social sciences must do.

However, science is a collective human endeavour whose

success hinges upon effective communication, both

written and oral. Even if findings are ground breaking,

they are potentially worthless if they can’t be shared

with others in a clear and engaging way. Teaching

undergraduate science students to effectively

communicate is therefore an essential goal.

Example: ‘Tightening’ by removing possibly superfluous

Science students majoring in science often believe

they can escape the intensive writing and presentations

that their peers in the humanities and social sciences.

must do. However, science is a collective human

endeavour whose success hinges upon effective

communication. both written and oral. Even if findings

are ground breaking, they are potentially worthless if

they can’t be shared. with others in a clear and

engaging way. Therefore, teaching undergraduate

science students to effectively communicate effectively

is therefore an essential goal.

Careful: Loss of exact meaning, nuance and context sensitivity !

Writing is not ‘speaking’ :Find problems & improve the following:

We are pleased to inform you that we are going to start Campus D Shop on

14/03/2018 (1 Chet, Punjabi New Year). Procurement of some imported

machines took too much of time that’s why we were unable to start the shop at

our earlier proposed date (13/01/2018 Lohri). Meanwhile we have completed

other processes like interior/exterior ACP work, application in labor court,

food license, taking Amul distribution-ship itself took more than one month.

During phase-I (14/03/2018 to 31/03/2018), the shop timings will be morning

7:30am to 10:30am and evening 5:00pm to 8:00pm and we will sell only

packed branded (Amul) dairy products on discounted price (3% to 10% less on

MRP) and breads. We will also offer discount on packed milk Rs. 1/- per liter.

During phase-II (01/04/2018 onwards), the shop will be open for full day

(7:30am to 8:00pm) and we will serve the campus community with good

quality fresh dairy products (Fresh Chhach, Lassi, Fresh Curd, Fresh Paneer,

Fresh Frozen Cream etc.) along with packed branded (Amul) dairy products on

discounted price (3% to 10% less on MRP) and breads.

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Writing with mind’s ‘eye’ !

The sight of Ola cycles strewn around like dead animals is

very disconcerting.

Well designed objects thrown on the sidewalk with twisted

mud guard, sometimes decapitated with the seat missing, and

limbs pointing upward as if plague has struck objects of steel

- sights as these in a campus otherwise so prim and proper do

violence to my senses.

Are we that uncaring a township of irresponsible and uncouth

users?

Can something please be done?ynm iit kanpur

Enemies of Readability -2 :

NOMINALIZATION

A “nominalized” sentence is one in which abstract nouns perform most of the work.Abstract nouns are things you can’t touch or easily visualize (such as “analysis” or“solution”). These vague nouns contain within them a hidden verb (“analyze” or“solve”); the process of turning a word from a verb into a noun is called“nominalization.” Don’t nominalize. People tend to think writing is more clear anddirect when it relies on verbs rather than abstract nouns formed from verbs. Reviseyour sentences in order to make your verbs do the work.

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This paper gives an analysis of the water problem and offers a solution.

This paper analyzes and solves the water problem.

If you do use abstract nouns in your writing, make sure that some other part of your sentence is

doing significant work

•Even a precursory analysis reveals several promising solutions, the least expensive of which is X.

•A thorough analysis failed to solve the problem fully, but X is the most practical short-term strategy.

Jerz’s Lieteracy Weblog


Passive & Nominalization

“The nominalization rule takes a perfectly spry verb and embalms into a lifelessnoun by adding a susffix like –ance, -ment, -ation, or –ing.”

‘zombie nouns’: Affirmation, postponement, postponing, Cancellation,

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Prevention of neurogenesis diminished social avoidance.

When we prevented neurogenesis, the mice no longer avoided other mice.

Pinker p.49

Comprehension checks were used as exclusion criteria.

We excluded people who failed to understand the instructions.

The writing scholar Helen Sword calls them zombie nouns because they lumberacross the scene without a conscious agent directing their motion. They canturn prose into the night of the living dead.


Unnecessary Hedging

“…….. Cushion their prose with wads of fluff that imply they are not willing to standbehind what the yare saying”

‘cover your anatomy ’: almost, apparently, fairly, presumably, rather, seemingly, so to speak, somewhat, sort of , to a certain degree, to some extent

ynm iit kanpur Pinker p.43

‘Advice: substitute damn every time you are inclined to write very ; your editorwill delete it and the writing will be just as it should be”

Enemies of Readability - 4……12 :

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Pinker p.55

‘…..But it’s better to keep in mid the guiding metaphor of classic style: a writer, inconversation with a reader, directs the reader’s gaze to something in the world. Eachof the don’ts corresponds to a way in which a writer can stray from the scenario.”

There are many enemies of readability in the form of

excessive or inappropriate use

4. Apologizing

5. Cliché

6. Jargon

7.Signposting

8. Abstract Terms

9. Metaconcepts

10. Negation

11.

12………

Architecture of ARGUMENTSThe nature of arguments is a very old discipline and is known as rhetoric in the Western thought systems, which are built on fundamental ideas developed by Greeks and Romans.

I. Arguments ‘of Fact ‘:

Arguing that something exists

(virus, electron, Higgs Boson ,

Kalpa Taru, Airabat, Amrit?)

Arguing that this fact is as per the definition

Arguing that the fact conforms to some quality norms.

II. Arguments ‘to Act’’ :

What will be good for action?

(cancer research, reducing carbon footprint,

stem cell research, building big accelerator?)

What will be useful guide?

(Advantage, Expedient, Utility, Direction)

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Example: Argument, Organization & Flow

A battery contains one or many identical cells.

Each cell stores electric power as chemical energy

in two electrodes, the anode and the cathode,

which are separated by an electrolyte. The

chemical reaction between the electrodes has an

ionic and an electronic component. The electrolyte

transports the ionic component inside a cell and

forces the electronic component to traverse an

external circuit. In a rechargeable battery, the

chemical reaction is reversible.

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John B Goodenough, Nature Electronics volume 1, page 204 (2018):

Example: Arguments of Fact and Policy

The oil crisis of the early 1970s exposed the

vulnerability of US society, among others, to its

dependence on imported oil and subsequently prompted

investigations into solar and wind energy as potential

sources for electric power. However, the intermittency

of solar and wind meant that storage of this power would

be required for these renewable sources to be useful.

Hence, there was a desire for better rechargeable

batteries.

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Ex. contd. : Arguments of Fact & PolicyNote the use of Criteria

To lower the cost and increase safety, an all-solid-state rechargeable battery —

where the liquid electrolyte is replaced with a solid electrolyte — is an active

future direction for battery research. Indeed, rechargeable batteries with solid

electrolytes are now being developed, including sodium batteries with a

NASICON electrolyte. In 2015, a remarkable dielectric amorphous-oxide solid

electrolyte was brought to me by Maria Helena Braga of the University of Porto. It

has lithium and sodium ion conductivities comparable to those of the organic-

liquid electrolytes used in today’s lithium-ion batteries. At the University of Texas

at Austin, where I moved to in 1986, we have used this unique solid to develop all-

solid-state rechargeable batteries that are able to plate dendrite-free alkali-metal

anodes with good contact over a long cycle life at acceptable charge and discharge

rates. These developments suggest that all-solid-state batteries may soon be used

to power all-electric road vehicles that are competitive with vehicles powered by

fossil fuel in an internal combustion engine.

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Case Study : Goodenough Article

Cohesion & Flow

Active & Passive

Argument – Fact or Policy

Pattern of Organization

Intensifiers & Diction

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Architecture of Arguments &

Pattern of Organization

Complex real life arguments or in science often involve combination and

nesting of these two types of arguments. This is good to keep in mind while

looking at others’ arguments or constructing you own.

Choose a fitting Pattern of Organization (such as Chronology, Cause &

Effect, Contrast and Comparison, General to Particualr or vice versa etc.

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‘Think like a wise man, but communicate in the language of the people.’ – W.B. Yeats

‘Satisfy Reader’s expectations.’ – Gopen & Swan

Good Style:

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Steven Pinker

‘ when the unnatural act of writing seem like two of our mostnatural acts: talking and seeing

The guiding metaphor of classic style is seeing the world. Thewriter can see something that the reader has not yet noticed,and he orients the reader’s gaze so that he can see herself.

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