advice from dead celebrities

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Avon, Massachusetts

Advicefrom

Dead

Celebrities

A. J. BARNES

Illustrated by

AARON WAITE


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Copyright 2012 by F+W Media, Inc.All rights reserved.

Tis book, or parts thereo, may not be reproduced in anyorm without permission rom the publisher

exceptions aremade or brie excerpts used in published reviews.

Published byAdams Media, a division o F+W Media, Inc.57 Littlefeld Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.

www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-4405-3002-5ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-3002-9

eISBN 10: 1-4405-3058-0eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-3058-6

Printed in the United States o America.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Datais available rom the publisher.

Tis book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.


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Advice from Dead Celebrities

A.J. BarnesIllustrated by Aaron Waite

Available for purchase from:

AmazonAdams Media

Barnes and Noble
http://www.amazon.com/Advice-Dead-Celebrities-J-Barnes/dp/1440530025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318260579&sr=1-1http://www.adamsmediastore.com/product/advice-from-dead-celebrities/humorhttp://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/advice-from-dead-celebrities-a-j-barnes/1100816895?ean=9781440530029&itm=1&usri=advice%2bfrom%2bdead%2bcelebritieshttp://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/advice-from-dead-celebrities-a-j-barnes/1100816895?ean=9781440530029&itm=1&usri=advice%2bfrom%2bdead%2bcelebritieshttp://www.adamsmediastore.com/product/advice-from-dead-celebrities/humorhttp://www.amazon.com/Advice-Dead-Celebrities-J-Barnes/dp/1440530025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318260579&sr=1-1


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Advice from Alive Lawyers

Te pearls o wisdom on the ollowing pages have not been providedor endorsed by any o the celebrities whose names appear in thisbookthough that should be blindingly obvious given that they allhave one thing in common: every last one o the people mentionedin this book is dead.

Sadly, the deceased have played no part in contributing to thisbook. Perhaps even sadder, the advice enclosed is exclusively thediseased imagining o the Author, and even he reuses to be heldaccountable or damages caused by anyone dumb enough to take

anything in this book seriously.So while we invite you to sit back and chuckle/gasp in horror/

read aloud to similarly sick-minded individuals, we do have one veryreal piece o advice or you:

Do not try this at home.


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Mama Cass Elliot 8

Julia Child 10

Don Knotts 12

John Lennon 14

Corey Haim 16

Brandon Lee 16

Andrew Koenig 16

Amy Winehouse 17

Karen Carpenter 17

Christopher Marlowe 17

Bruce Lee 18

Gary Coleman 20

Marlon Brando 22

John Ritter 24

Vincent van Gogh 26

Charles M. Schulz 26

Evel Knievel 26

Curly Howard 27

Desi Arnaz 27

Charlton Heston 27

James Dean 28

Bela Lugosi 30

John Candy 32

Burgess Meredith 34

Pat Morita 36Charlie Chaplin 38

Jayne Mansfeld 40

Gloria Stuart 40

Natalie Wood 40

Aaron Spelling 41

Ed Wood 41

Stanley Kubrick 41

James Doohan 42

Albert Einstein 44

Lucille Ball 46

Lewis Carroll 48

Clark Gable 48

Michael Crichton 48

Phil Harris 49

J. M. Barrie 49

Chris Benoit 49

Elizabeth aylor 50

Audrey Hepburn 52

Farrah Fawcett 54

ed Williams 56

Margaret Mitchell 56

Rocky Marciano 56

Charles Darwin 57

Sigmund Freud 57

Martin Luther King 57

Bea Arthur 58

Marilyn Monroe 60

Judy Garland 62 Anna Nicole Smith 64

Jimmy Stewart 66

Caligula 68

Dead Offering Advice

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Jesus 68

Marie Curie 68

Julius Caesar 69imothy Leary 69

John Hughes 69

Alred Hitchcock 70

John Belushi 72

Chris Farley 74

Lisa Let Eye Lopes 76

Jerey Dahmer 76

Dave Tomas 76Marvin Gaye 77

Johnny Cash 77

Selena 77

Rodney Dangerfeld 78

George Carlin 80

Babe Ruth 82

Andr the Giant 84

Aaliyah 86Michael Hutchence 86

John Phillips 86

Sylvia Plath 87

Jim Henson 87

Jim Varney 87

Bobby Kennedy 88

John F. Kennedy 90

Ronald Reagan 92Benjamin Franklin 94

Lee Harvey Oswald 96

Je Conaway 96

Emily Bront 96

John Wilkes Booth 97

Joan o Arc 97

Tomas Jeerson 97

Princess Diana 98Richard Nixon 100

Saddam Hussein 102

Teodore Roosevelt 104

Lyndon B. Johnson 104

Jimmy Carter 104

Paul Revere 105

George Washington 105

Amelia Earhart 105 Al Capone 106

Henry VIII 108

Adol Hitler 110

Sammy Davis, Jr. 112

Boris Karlo 114

Jonathan Brandis 114

Cary Grant 114

J. R. R. olkien 115Pedro Zamora 115

Stieg Larsson 115

Mother eresa 116

Mahatma Gandhi 118

Sid Vicious 120

Jerry Garcia 122

Buddy Holly 124

Jimmy Hoa 126Dr. Kevorkian 126

Andy Kauman 126

Bob Hope 127

Phil Hartman 127

George Steinbrenner 127

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Elvis Presley 128

Te Notorious B.I.G. 130

upac Shakur 132Kurt Cobain 134

Frank Sinatra 136

Christopher Reeve 138

John Holmes 138

J. Edgar Hoover 138

Orson Welles 139

Michael Landon 139

Grace Kelly 139 Janis Joplin 140

Michael Jackson 142

Osama bin Laden 144

Patrick Swayze 144

Leslie Nielsen 144

Dennis Hopper 145

James Cagney 145

John Wayne 145 Jim Morrison 146

Bob Marley 148

Jimi Hendrix 150

Freddie Mercury 152

Layne Staley 154

Gene Kelly 154

Paul Newman 154

Anthony Perkins 155DeForest Kelley 155

Roy Scheider 155

James Brown 156

Sonny Bono 158

George Harrison 160

Steve Irwin 162

Edward Kennedy 164

Karl Marx 164 Anne Boleyn 164

Randy Macho Man Savage 165

Leonardo da Vinci 165

Anne Frank 165

Mr. Rogers 166

Vincent Price 168

Heath Ledger 170

Bob Ross 172Edgar Allan Poe 174

Brittany Murphy 176

Linda Lovelace 176

Vivien Leigh 176

Eartha Kitt 177

Zelda Rubinstein 177

Bettie Page 177

Johnny Carson 178Ed McMahon 180

Walt Disney 182

Billy Mays 184

Rod Serling 186

Ryan Dunn 188

Elizabeth Edwards 188

Abraham Lincoln 188

Joe DiMaggio 189Gianni Versace 189

Margaret Hamilton 189

William Shakespeare 190

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Mama Cass ElliotA S, M M & P

(September 19, 1941July 29, 1974)


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Chew your food

thoroughly and carefully.


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Julia ChildA C, A, P

(August 15, 1912August 13, 2004)


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One day, all that butterwill catch up to you

(Im looking at you,

Paula Deen).


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Don KnottsA C, A

(July 21, 1924February 24, 2006)


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Playing second ddle will

only leave you whistling

Dixie.


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John LennonB M, S

(October 9, 1940December 8, 1980)

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Bros before hoes.


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Corey HaimGet lost.

Brandon LeeDont bring a gun to a ake fght.

Andrew KoenigEvery boner has a tragic ending.

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Amy WinehouseI they try to make you go to rehab,

say, Yes, yes, yes.

Karen CarpenterBreakast is the most important meal o the day.

Christopher MarloweAvoid bar brawls and keep your ideas to yoursel.

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Bruce LeeC-A A, M A

(November 27, 1940July 20, 1973)

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The family that works

together, dies together.


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Advice from Dead Celebrities

A.J. BarnesIllustrated by Aaron Waite

Available for purchase from:

AmazonAdams Media

Barnes and Noble
http://www.amazon.com/Advice-Dead-Celebrities-J-Barnes/dp/1440530025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318260579&sr=1-1http://www.adamsmediastore.com/product/advice-from-dead-celebrities/humorhttp://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/advice-from-dead-celebrities-a-j-barnes/1100816895?ean=9781440530029&itm=1&usri=advice%2bfrom%2bdead%2bcelebritieshttp://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/advice-from-dead-celebrities-a-j-barnes/1100816895?ean=9781440530029&itm=1&usri=advice%2bfrom%2bdead%2bcelebritieshttp://www.adamsmediastore.com/product/advice-from-dead-celebrities/humorhttp://www.amazon.com/Advice-Dead-Celebrities-J-Barnes/dp/1440530025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318260579&sr=1-1

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