adolescent boys' use of emo music as their healing lament

Adolescent Boys' Use of Emo Music as Their Healing LamentAuthor(s): Aaron P. AnastasiReviewed work(s):Source: Journal of Religion and Health, Vol. 44, No. 3 (Fall, 2005), pp. 303-319Published by: SpringerStable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/27512872 .Accessed: 09/01/2012 22:15

Your use of the JSTOR archive indicates your acceptance of the Terms & Conditions of Use, available at .http://www.jstor.org/page/info/about/policies/terms.jsp

JSTOR is a not-for-profit service that helps scholars, researchers, and students discover, use, and build upon a wide range ofcontent in a trusted digital archive. We use information technology and tools to increase productivity and facilitate new formsof scholarship. For more information about JSTOR, please contact [email protected].

Springer is collaborating with JSTOR to digitize, preserve and extend access to Journal of Religion andHealth.

http://www.jstor.org

http://www.jstor.org/action/showPublisher?publisherCode=springer

http://www.jstor.org/stable/27512872?origin=JSTOR-pdf

http://www.jstor.org/page/info/about/policies/terms.jsp

Journal of Religion and Health, Vol. 44, No. 3, Fall 2005 (? 2005) DOI: 10.1007/sl0943-005-5467-9

Adolescent Boys* Use of

Emo Music as Their

Healing Lament

AARON P. ANASTASI

ABSTRACT: Emo music is one avenue through which God can begin or continue a process of

healing found through connectedness, sharing, and understanding. God can use songs of lament to

bring awareness of pain. Emo music can also offer an environment for the suffering individual to

begin to think about and develop vocabulary to describe their pain. In some cases, the music can

serve as a prayer of faith for the adolescent, allowing him to connect with God.

KEY WORDS: music; suffering; healing; connection; adolescents.

Life is difficult. People suffer. While there are many types and levels of suf

fering, everyone experiences suffering. Dreams are lost, hopes are shattered, and pain is held inside, muted. Having no outlet for expressing pain and

heartache may be worse than the suffering itself. This silence rages inside,

crying out in desperation, but few hear.1 While all are vulnerable to this silent

suffering, disconnection, and loneliness, asserts pastoral psychologist Henri

Nouwen, adolescents in particular experience this at a deep and painful level.2

According to adolescent therapist Janet Sasson Edgette, American adolescents are suffering from a desperate need for connectedness, for a sense of belonging.3

Many adolescents find themselves in this position. They have an intense need to feel loved and accepted. They desperately seek love and acceptance but

often lack the means to attain it. Adolescents need to express their pain and

suffering in order for healing to take place, but first they must have language and opportunity for this expression. According to psychologist William Pol

lack, boys need to establish meaningful connections with others in order to

conquer the traumas of shame that are commonly experienced in early ado

lescence, including the destructive effect of the "Boy Code."4 The "Boy Code,"

says Pollack, is what boys are raised to think a boy, and eventually a man, should be like. These attributes include a stoic, stable independence, which

Aaron P. Anastasi, M.Div. is a graduate of Princeton Theological Seminary and currently works

at Allentown Presbyterian Church as the High School Youth Music Director in AUentown, NJ. Correspondence to aaronanastasidaol.com.

303 G 2005 Blanton-Peale Institute

304 Journal of Religion and Health

never shows weakness, a false, daring self, which is attracted to violence, an

imperative to achieve power, dominance and status, and an understanding that expressing emotions is for "sissies" and is not "masculine" but "femi

nine"?which he refers to as a "gender straightjaeket."5

Many boys are eager to be heard and understood, and they want a con

nection with others as well as the accompanied healing. This longing for

nurture is often kept silent because it is seen as weak and "feminine." Many adolescent boys suffer from the effects of this "Boy Code," longing for outlets of

expression. While they feel the need to share their emotions, they fear the

shame that they may undergo if they choose to be vulnerable around those

who ascribe to this "Code." Instead of sharing their emotions, these boys re

main silent in their suffering. Therefore boys experience and repress a great deal of pain and need to connect with others at an emotional level in order to

experience healing. The mantra for the boys who subscribe to the boy code, which he says is

inescapable for most, is "Everything's just fine."6 Still in operation, the "Boy Code" is an outdated model that began in the nineteenth century, which

constrains boys and men, putting them in a gender straitjacket.7 This

straightjaeket forces boys to conceal their true feelings and causes them to live

semi-inauthentic lives. Wide ranges of emotions are held back, restricting boys

only to the acceptable male emotion of anger.8 Male infants are more emotionally expressive than female infants, but at

some point this changes for most boys. Pollack views two primary causes for

this shift of behavior. The first cause is shame. Little boys are made to feel

ashamed if they express a wide variety of emotions?especially of weakness,

fear, and vulnerability. Little boys are raised to be tough. The second reason

regards the separation process. Boys are typically separated from their mothers at a much earlier age than girls, usually around age six. The boy feels

abandoned and disconnected but is made to feel ashamed if these feelings are

expressed. Pollack calls this the "shame-hardening process," where the boys are told to act like a "real man," to keep emotions in check, and to show a sense

of independence.9 This shame haunts boys all their lives, serving to erode self-confidence and

undermine self-esteem, leaving them feeling sad, lonely, and disconnected.10 Shame is the feeling that accompanies emotional disconnection. In fact, the

feelings surrounding emotional disconnection are what many psychologists call "shame."11

According to adolescent psychologist Mary Pipher, adolescent girls are not

making the type of connections that allow them to communicate their hurts

and needs, and because of this lack of connection, they too are suffering. While

adolescent girls suffer and feel disconnected, the scope of this paper will focus on adolescent boys.12

One outlet that may provide language and expression for suffering adoles

cent boys is lyrics and music carefully crafted to meet them in their present

Aaron P. Anastasi 305

suffering. This may offer them the beginning steps of healing and freedom

from languageless silence. As the adolescent listens to the lyrics of a song to

which he can relate, he feels connected and is thrust into an environment ripe for facing and dealing with issues of pain and heartache. The song may pro vide the raw material and the space?the environment?for the adolescent to

begin to assess his feelings and needs.

Psychologist Robert Kegan calls this space a "holding environment" or a

"psychosocial environment,,, in which a context is provided for the individual

to grow.13 According to Kegan, this environment serves the dual functions of

"confirmation and contradiction, which both securely hold, and, in timely

fashion, assist in the emergence of, the developing person."14 This environ

ment can provide a safe place for the adolescent to begin to sense pain, while it

may simultaneously function as a challenge to deal with that sensed pain. Connection to the music and lyrics is merely preliminary in the process of

healing a suffering adolescent and will hopefully lead to deeper, more per manent connections with other trusted individuals. I will argue in this essay that God can use this holding environment and the opportunity to participate in the lament process of lyrics and music, to begin or continue the healing

process of suffering adolescent boys. This lamentation, as an expression of

faith, can serve to connect the sufferer to God and provide a linguistic balm, a

healing process that may lead the suffering individual away from a mute state

of pain toward a place of change and solidarity.

First, I will discuss Soelle's three phases of suffering. Second, I will present five voices of lament, continuing the conversation of lament that Soelle begins in her understanding of phase two. Third, I will show how popular ("pop"? this is the more commonly used word among adolescents and the music

industry) music functions as lament. Fourth, I will offer Emo (short for emo

tional) music as an adolescent form of lament.

The three phases of suffering

According to ethicist and theologian Doroth?e Soelle, suffering and pain have a

way of corroding and inhibiting language, silencing the sufferer. She describes

three phases of suffering: Silence, lamentation, and change. Each of the three

phases of suffering is reflected in the different forms that language takes. The

first phase is a muted, languageless phase, while the second is the beginning of

a psalm-like language of lamentation that gives voice to the sufferer. Phase

three is characterized by unhindered self-expression where the pain itself can

be openly discussed and sorted. The third phase is a stage of change.

Phase one of suffering: Silence

The first phase of suffering is a phase of languageless silence and isolation.

The burden of suffering always includes isolation?the more suffering, the


more isolation, and this suffering is related to a lack of communication, a lack

of language.15 The initial phase of pain, suffering and isolation leaves one

feeling numb and mute. The lament that comes at this stage is inarticulate.

This suffering expresses itself in unfeeling brooding or impulsive outbursts.

Institutions and rituals no longer provide the sufferer with language, nor do

they offer a learning process that might allow for escape from this stage of

languageless silence.

For this reason, the sufferer is left with few options. The result is neuroses.

This neurotic, suffering stage disallows persons to sort out necessary steps to

be free. Therefore, the sufferer's behavior becomes merely reactive.16 In this

first phase of suffering, one's course of action is impaired, and the sufferer

lacks the wherewithal to learn from the suffering. All hope seems lost.

This phase of suffering is marked by self-centeredness. The sufferer loses

the ability to feel for others and isolates himself. In silence and disconnection, the sufferer views death as an attractive, viable option. The focus becomes

termination of pain?the whole-being is consumed with this single goal. Much

like physical pain, where the other members of the body become secondary and unimportant, so this level of suffering may be all-consuming. While there

is one all-consuming goal, the sufferer is stuck in a state, where objectives toward change cannot be organized. The situation, rather than logic, domi

nates the individual, and he is left feeling powerless.

Theological reflection is not an option at this phase. Severe suffering excludes the possibility of learning or change. Actions, in this first phase of

suffering, are short-lived and done blindly; they are done in an unbearable

pain that is somehow borne by the sufferer, who is later amazed by the

amount of suffering that he endured. This initial phase of pain is experienced over and over, and it leaves the victim feeling helpless and alone. The pain

strips the individual of autonomy in his actions, thoughts, and words.17

To be free from phase one, the individual first must recognize the normalcy of

this numb, mute phase. This realization will point to the need for expression, which is part of phase two. The expression phase cannot be skipped as though one will be able to take specific actions that will triumph over the suffering. To

skip the expression phase, states Soelle, is to skip over the needs of the sufferer.

The tools that the sufferer needs, possibly self-determination or co-determina

tion, would be imposed on rather than accomplished by the sufferer. Without an

individual fight, the sufferer will find he is helpless when new suffering emerges from a different cause. The basic alienation itself must be resolved.18

Soelle lists three primary options that lay open before the silent sufferer.

The first option is repression. The individual can deny the pain and become

outwardly indifferent and silent. Second, the sufferer could become

sick?mentally, physically, or both. This is also a possible result of the first

option, repression. Third, the individual can choose to face the pain and begin to work on it. The first step to facing the pain is finding language that could


lead one out of the suffering that is causing the silence?a language that at

least describes the situation, a language of crying, pain, and lament.19

Phase two of suffering: Lamentation

Soelle says, "Hopelessness of certain forms of suffering can be endured where the pain can still be articulated."20 Prayer is a form of language and articu

lation that may be used to break through the silent suffering of phase one.

Soelle laments, "Prayer is today as good as dead and buried."21 To enter into

dialogue with oneself, she asserts, has become unnecessary to a growing number of people. The increased apathy toward prayer has left individuals

mute and isolated. The loss of this monologue, or dialogue with self or God, has

dissolved one of the primary outlets for crying, cursing, stammering, and

wishing.22 This loss of prayer does not serve to liberate humanity or enlighten consciousness. Instead it is a loss of the endless possibilities available for open ended creative expression. Prayer offers the sufferer an opportunity to make

his requests and pains known to a God who cares, speaks, and has the ability to act. Soelle asserts,

"Prayer is an all-encompassing act by which people transcend the mute God of an

apathetically endured reality and go over to the speaking God of a reality expe rienced with feeling in pain and happiness."23

Prayer can be the sufferer's lament. It can serve as speech that reaches the

speaking God, overcoming God's seeming silence and the sufferer's mute

existence of phase one.

Old Testament scholar Delbert Hillers writes concerning the value of lament

in times of struggle. He states, "Men live on best after calamity, not by utterly

repressing their grief and shock, but by facing it, by measuring its dimensions,

by finding some words to order and articulate their experience."24 Phase one of

suffering is the phase of muted, lonely suffering, while in phase two the suf

ferer uses "psalmic" language of lament to describe pain. Phase two paves the

way, she says, for phase three, which is the changing of behavior. Phase two

actually intensifies the pain because it serves to strip away the walls of denial

and distraction. As one begins to describe the pain and fear, emotions erupt. This is more than a merely rational explanation of circumstances but also a

participation in the pain.25 Phase two allows for the individual to take the pain

seriously, to look at it carefully. Only through this realistic look at pain, one

can begin to formulate other questions that will ultimately lead to solutions

that may conquer the suffering. In phase two, reactive behavior becomes

active. Instead of a powerless passivity, the sufferer begins to experience the

power of proactive behavior, namely, lament.

The stage of lamentation, articulation, and poetic expression is vital to reach

a stage of liberation and organized thought, says Soelle, and "by giving voice to

lament one can intercept and work on his suffering within the framework of


communication... Finding ways to discover and express one's own affliction

is imperative to the sufferer. If he does not find ways to face and express his

pain he will either be destroyed by it or will be overtaken by apathy. The origin and form of this language is not as important as the expression itself.

According to Soelle, human existence is dependent on self-expression. Putting one's life and circumstances into words or other avenues of expression is basic

to the human condition. Without communication, there can be no change.27

Phase three of suffering: Change The language of phase two, states Soelle, "presses beyond itself, toward

change."28 Phase three is the phase of change. The mute silence of phase one

becomes a lament in phase two, and a change of perspective and behavior in

phase three. The isolation of phase one becomes expression and communica

tion in phase two and solidarity in phase three. This final phase is one of self

expression?the suffering itself can now be spoken of and discussed openly. This is also a painful phase, intensifying the suffering as layers of camouflaged

pain are stripped away and seen for what they truly are. The pain and suf

fering is no longer toned down merely as something that prevails everywhere and is simply an aspect of the human experience. The suffering is exposed for

what it is. It is taken seriously, as something that affects the individual. The

primary value of phase three is the ability to organize the suffering in a way that allows it to be conquerable. Reactive behavior is replaced by active

behavior.29 In phase three the sufferer is not only able to organize the pain but

is also able to actively work on healing it.

Phase three is also characterized by rational language. The sufferer no

longer suffers silently. He is no longer dependent on the language found in

songs, poems, and psalms. Instead he experiences autonomy of action, which

allows for necessary change.

The five voices of lament

Phase two of Soelle's threefold journey of the sufferer is the phase that will be

the focus of the remainder of this essay?the phase of lament. The following extends the discussion that Soelle began, relating it to suffering adolescent

boys and how they might use lament as a form of healing.

Lament as linguistic balm

The poems in the book of Lamentations, says Old Testament scholar Dobbs

Allsopp, served to help the Jewish people articulate their feelings and evaluate them. The lyrics of these poems are often emotionally weighty with their

honesty and imagination, serving to "fashion a linguistic balm capable of

salving?if not removing?the scars and wounds of the suffering they so

painfully figure.. .in doing so, they create the capacity to be otherwise and the

Aaron P. AnastcLsi 309

possibility for survival..." The book of Lamentations has no straightforward

expression of hope. The poems serve as the beginning of a process of

remembering, and seeking to find healing for, painful experiences of the recent

and distant past. Hope is found in the willingness to speak out.30 This has the

effect of surpassing the suffering as the suffering itself is being described. This

act of lamentation can serve to momentarily add perspective, which could

possibly transform the silent sufferer's condition.31

Facing pain can often be a difficult task and requires the right environment

and mindset. Most adolescents (as well as adults) would rather?or at least

find it easier at first to?avoid dealing with and remembering issues of hurt

and pain. In the book of Lamentations, Dobbs-Allsopp observes, "Lyrical poetry,

generally, is discourse that is meant to be uttered again. Through its ritual

properties the lyric poem becomes accessible, open..." He compares it to lit

urgies and other structures of devotion, saying that it has a "quality of

transferable experience" that draws in the reader or listener, causing them to

"try them on" and experience them for themselves. Therefore, the rituality of

the poetry "becomes a coercive force for giving voice."32

After some time and repetition, the writer's pain and suffering are "coer

cively superimposed" on the listener in such a way that they become the cries

of the listener. At this point, they are comforted by the fact that they are not

suffering alone and too have found a language in order to express their grief. Without linguistic capability, one is powerless and reserved to emotions that

are vague and formless rather than clear and defined. Dobbs-Allsopp states, "To come across a language in which one finds one's own hurts and grief so

precisely and accurately named and expressed can be a wonderfully consoling and forever transformative experience."33

Lament as catharsis

Dobbs-Allsopp also speaks of the potential value of not only complaint against

God, but also anger. Even our most bitter thoughts can be brought to God,

demonstrating a full expression of emotion. This expression may be cathartic,

shaking the inner deadness and debilitating, built-up anger, which comes

from victimization.34

Dobbs-Allsopp sees four significant factors of the ability to voice pain. First

is a medical significance. Mental as well as physical wounds need to be bound

up. Giving voice to pain can lead to the type of mental healing the sufferer

needs. This voicing and the language to be able to express "fears and pain is all

important and cannot be skipped." Second, there is a therapeutic significance. The poet and songwriter create a language, which is re-created by the reader

and listener. Third, speaking of the issues that weigh heavily on one's heart is

a way of forcing the pain to be seen objectively. This objectification of pain renders it less potent. When pain is brought forth as a type of protest there are

ethical ramifications. The sufferer's words of protest speak boldly of pain's


uselessness, calling for consolation and medication. Fourth, there is an ele

ment of imagination in this language, often describing circumstances as they

ought to be, a fictitious language that cause suffering to be endurable. One's

imagination can put them in a different state of mind, a hopeful state that may

potentially lead to self-motivated, restorative action.35

The danger in this prior statement is the perceived perpetuation of the idea

that work is confined to physical action, an accomplished task that one com

pletes with his hands. The truth is that "linguistic acts.. .are every bit as

crucial and theologically significant in times of great suffering as anything we

can physically do."36

Lament as protest The Old Testament book of Lamentations stands in the literary tradition that

provides poetic language, including metaphor and imagery, in such a way that

allows people to confront issues that are otherwise difficult to think about or

discuss. This poetic language serves as an attempt to offer the necessary tools

for the sufferer to embrace pain, begin the healing process, and survive.

According to Walter Brueggemann, the embrace of pain is the only avenue

through which suffering can be submitted to God and therefore resolved.

While submitting this pain to God is the avenue for the resolution of pain, when pain is brought to speech, it questions God and the social structures that

God has set in place. Without this voice of protest, which challenges the

present, there can be no future that exists better than the present.37 Lament is a risk because it is ultimately (and maybe directly) addressing

and even questioning or condemning God, who seems to be impotent in times of struggle. This type of attack takes a certain measure of faith, a faith in the covenant relationship between God and God's people. A covenanted faith

relationship must assume that God seeks to be challenged and related to.38 This challenging questions God because "no situation falls outside of Yahweh's

responsibility." This questioning, however, is itself an expression of faith because laments are

hopeful cries of belief in a God who has the ability and desire to transform pain into joy.39 Lamentation is not an expression of one who refuses to live. It is not a

manifestation of despair. Lamentation is a protest, a realization of something

having gone awry. It is itself a fight, a choice to remain in the battle of hope versus

despair. Lamentation is an active resistance to apathy and hopelessness?the posture that God has been emasculated?which says, "I have not given up the

fight, even if the only strength I can muster results merely in grief."40

Lament as confession While lamentation is an expression of grief, it is not an attempt to avoid all

responsibility. Lamentation is also a confession, a confession of appropriate

responsibility and guilt. Lamentation often speaks of an understanding of self blame coupled with a cry for mercy.41


Lament as reaffirmation of faith

According to Dobbs-Allsopp, lament in the face of suffering is an act of resis

tance to suffering's aversive nature and is a "bold and heroic feat of self

actualization." This cry against suffering, and the God who allows it, is a

protest against its inherent attack against human dignity. Complaint revolts

against this affront, calling it deplorable. With the knowledge that humankind was created for goodness, lament demands the authentic existence for which

humankind was intended. In addition, complaint is a reaffirmation that God is

a relational God whose utmost concern is the divine-human relationship. God

is the sovereign One in the covenant relationship, but throughout the biblical

witness God makes it clear that this relationship has high priority and intense value. God's sovereignty, as seen in Job, Psalms, and Lamentations, is subject to God's desire to benefit God's covenant partner. God will not simply tolerate

human input and lament; God requires it as part of the covenantal relation

ship. God desires that humanity come before the throne of grace with concerns

and complaints, with hopes of renewal and change. In fact, lament itself is

evidence that the covenantal relationship is alive and open. Lament is an

example of a real faith, a faith that engages and questions God.42

Adolescents* popular C'pop") music as their language of lament

Music moves people. Anyone who has ever listened to good music understands

that music has a way of bypassing the walls of the intellect and targeting the

emotions, often demanding some type of response. Combined with poignant

lyrics, music can manipulate emotions and evoke tears, regret, anger, happi

ness, a sense of social responsibility, etc. Music and lyrics can even cause some

to begin to face issues of pain that have been locked in the recesses of their

heart and mind that often only manifest themselves in outbursts, neurosis, or

depression when not understood and faced. God can use music as a powerful tool of healing, especially in the beginning stages of the healing process?the

bridge between phase one and phase two of Soelle's three-phase sufferer's

journey.

Dobbs-Allsopp says, "Human beings are passionate creatures whose natures

are constituted as much by emotions as by physical and cognitive needs and

desires." Lyrics of lamentation, he asserts, must involve an emotional

response and not just an "intellectual appreciation."43 Manipulation of lan

guage, rhythm, and syntax creates images and gives meaning beyond the

mere content of the lyrics. Also, the use of alliteration, assonance, and the

consonance of sound help create the artist's intended effect.44 With a proficient

understanding of music and how it affects people, along with lyrics that

connect with adolescents, the artist can create an environment, where

adolescents may feel free to face the painful issues in their lives as described

by the artist or triggered by the similarity of the lyrical circumstances.


The artist must have more than mere ideas, experiences, and a desire to

help others. Communicating to others with maximum understanding and

emotional effect requires a fusion of a certain musical proficiency combined

with a message that matches what the medium itself can only do in part, with a delivery that likewise coheres. If the artist is able to successfully commu

nicate and effectively, poetically describe his suffering, then he may be able to

establish a connection with his young audience. The music may serve to create

a receptive environment, the lyrics connecting with the sufferer, giving him a

sense that he is not alone in his pain. Like the book of Lamentations, pop music with lyrics of lamentation may

benefit hurting and suffering adolescents in this second phase of suffering. Some types of popular music may give teens language to express their pain and also tap into their emotions in such a way that an appropriate "holding environment" for healing is created.

Pop music's limitation and possibility While some of toda/s pop music (both mainstream, radio and underground,

independent) may serve as a faithful, prayerful cry to God, much of it will not

serve as the faith cry to God for help as understood by Brueggemann and

Dobbs-Allsopp. It will neither speak to God out of faith nor protest. Often the

lyrics will simply be a cry, not a cry to God. This cry can be, however, a

starting point for adolescents who simply need to begin with any language directed at anyone or anything. The adolescent who is stuck in phase one of

suffering may be able to use these lyrics of lamentation to simply bring them

into phase two, where silence becomes expression. Phase two may provide

enough healing in the adolescent that he can transition into phase three, where there is freedom and a sense of autonomy of action, leading to change. Therefore, pop music may possess the benefits of lament inasmuch as it can

provide words for the languageless and voice to the silent through lyrics that

speak the heart of the suffering adolescent. This cry can potentially lead the

adolescent to a faith cry as a response to the God who draws near to the

sufferer and has the power to affect change. Music plays many roles in the life of common American adolescents. One of

these is the role of counselor and comforter. Instead of talking out their deep sense of loneliness and disconnection, they turn up the music and allow it to

soothe, comfort, and even distract them. Music has a way of speaking to and

through young people. Many connect with the lyrics and make them their

own.45 The adolescent often uses music to serve as a catalyst to turn his mood

to that which he wants to experience and allows the lyrics to become his

words.

One of the great benefits of lament-filled popular music is that it provides some of the tools necessary to create a "holding environment" where the suf

ferer is prompted, and feels comfortable, to begin to look more closely at issues of pain extant in his heart. This environment seems to be created as a result of


the cooperation of the music, artist, and adolescent. Not only is the environ

ment created, but there is no intimidation and fear of being emotionally

exposed to another human being. It can allow the suffering adolescent to

search his heart for a short period of time in a safe place.

Emo music as adolescents' form of lament

While music moves all people, adolescents seem more susceptible to being

profoundly affected by it. This is true partially because adolescents need to feel, to experience, to be inspired in order to be motivated by something or to allow

themselves to be deeply affected by it.46 For this reason, they are looking to be

moved and to experience through music. Also, adolescents have more time to

search out and listen to music, and this is exactly what they are doing. They want to be moved, and they also want to fit in with their friends who are part of

the music sub-culture, whether it is Punk, Indie, Emo, New Wave, Hip-Hop, et

cetera. While acknowledging the risk that they will be moved by the wrong things and in the wrong direction, God can use pop music with lyrics of lam

entation to start, or continue, the process of healing. Adolescents can be moved

from phase one of suffering to phase two with the raw materials provided by music with lyrics of lamentation. Songs of this nature communicate thoughts,

ideas and feelings that have the potential to connect with adolescents, to meet

them where they are and provide them with a holding environment.

One modern genre of music that would well fit the description of lyrics of

lamentation, which also incorporates the style of music that invites contem

plation and evokes passion and emotion, is Emo. Emo music could serve to

help adolescents in phase two of suffering. This genre of music emerged from

Punk music, which became very popular in the underground scene by 1977

finding its roots in songs as early as the late 1960s with Iggy Pop, Lou Reed, and Alice Cooper. Punk music began as fast-paced, simple bar-chorded songs

with angry adolescent boys singing anti-war and anti-political lyrics (while this is certainly a truncated description, it will suffice for the present purpose).

Emo music has a similar sound but makes use of minor chords and major

nines, which tend to create a somber, pensive mood rather than an adrenaline

rush. Emo music is more dynamic than Punk, evoking a wider range of

emotions. Rather than keeping up a fast-paced sound, Emo tends to have

many levels of intensity, ranging from a soft vocal over nothing more than a

piano to many raging guitars accompanied by a driving drum beat and

crashing cymbals. Also, and most importantly, the lyrics are a hybrid of anger mixed with hurt. Hurt, heartbreak, suffering, and lamentation are the pri

mary expressions of Emo's cries.

For example Jeremy Enigk of Sunny Day Real Estate voiced the cry that defined Emo music saying, "I dream to heal your wounds/But I bleed myself,"

Also, "You are treating me so differently/So different, I can't explain/I feel like


I'm invisible to you," from Unsent Letters' 'Three Weeks." Another Unsent Letters song says, "You said he's just a friend/But now you're with him/Your

indifference was killing me/I should have known all along," which comes from the song called "You Knew The Outcome." Chris Carrabba of Dashboard

Confessional, the Florida based Singer/Songwriter, sings, "I begged you not to

go/I begged you/I pleaded/I claimed you as my only hope/and watched the floor as you retreated/Hope has sprung a perfect dive/A perfect day/A perfect lie/A

slowly crafted monologue conceding your defeat." Another band, called Taking Back Sunday, from the song "Head Club," sings the following lyrics, "It's

getting colder/and we're getting distant/and I just keep thinking that/I never meant it to be like this/It's worse than you think." Brandtson, a Cleveland, Ohio based band, sings a song called "With Friends Like You": "I came here to tell you its over/Always trying to wage a war/Don't you smile anymore/talking ourselves dizzy gets us nowhere." The Juliana Theory, in the song "Duane

Joseph," sings, "As I sit here helpless/Don't go/You said you wouldn't/You said

you couldn't/I think of our time together/Is it fading/Am I dreaming/Every thing you said lives on." In the song called "Swing, Swing," The All American

Rejects sing, "Days swiftly come and go/Tin dreaming of her/She's seeing other

guys/Emotions they stir/The nights are long/And I am left while the tears fall/ Swing, swing, swing from the tangles ofiMy heart is crushed by a former love/ Can you help me find a way to carry on again?" This cry from the All American

Rejects is one example of a possible cry to God who can help one to carry on

after broken relationship. Adolescents tend to be in and out of relationships so frequently that their

hearts seldom have an opportunity to mend from the previous break-up before the next one drops onto their lap like a bomb. This form of suffering is very real and powerful to adolescents. In their minds, this type of

suffering?rejection, feeling unlovable and unaccepted?is not trivial. For

many adolescents, these experiences of rejection and abandonment trigger similar, much deeper feelings created by painful childhood and early adoles cent circumstances of infinite variety.

The following passage comes from a fiction novel that displays this truth:

"The music moved him. His inner man found something during her performance that only it understood, something eternal, painful, and ultimately comforting. It

spoke to him in a way that language alone couldn't. Words contain so little

meaning that the spirit cannot be satisfied with these alone. It was during this

song that he was aware ofthat. If his heart had a central turning point, an axis around which all of his life orbited, then music like this lands there every now and again. And it doesn't just land, it claims and rearranges, sometimes pain fully. Sometimes he didn't want to deal with the song-pain.. .But the mercy of the

song was that when it ended, the hurt ended too. Usually. Why did he crave the action of that song on his heart? It was like the song took him into the inner chamber of his heart, where all the scared feelings had been for years.. .The

notes, melodies, and arrangements kept him from feeling anything else than the


deepest hurts he still carried.. .A violent reaction to the music was therapeutic for him. He couldn't express how thankful he was that something existed out there that would pry into the areas he would never ask anyone to try to get into. He never had to look her music in the eyes. It was much safer than a flesh covered human like himself. The music asked the tough questions to his soul, bypassing the intellect entirely."47

While Emo music can serve to be helpful to adolescents, it is not without its

critics, many of whom subscribe to the "Boy Code." One critic says, "Forget bombs and the real impact of trickle down economics, it's all about elusive

kisses and tender-yet-undeniably-masculine emotional outbursts."48 Jessica

Hopper goes on to say, "Mixtapes across America became soiled with torrential

anthems of hopeful boy hearts masted to sleeves, pillows soaked in tears, and

relational eulogies."49 This attack on boys who feel free to express any emotions other than anger

is nothing new, which is part of the problem discussed earlier concerning Pollack's understanding of the "Boy Code." Pollack rightly says boys need

heroes and role models whom they can emulate and look to as a source of hope and direction.50 If expression of emotion, pain, and suffering is healing for

young boys?as well as young girls?then those boys and young male adults

who are creating Emo music seem to be providing a positive role model for

young boys who are bound by the "Boy Code." While sharing emotions can lead

to healing, many boys are reluctant to share their feelings for fear of ridicule or appearing weak.51 According to Pollack, boys can be free from the fear of

ridicule by hearing stories from other males about their own experiences and

emotions. As the adolescent boy hears stories about another male having

experienced disappointment, fear, embarrassment, hurt, heartbreak, etc., he

is less inclined to feel ashamed of his own feelings of vulnerability.52 Songs with lyrics of lamentation, expression of hurt and emotional pain, says How

ard Gardner, may begin to provide a "bridge." Emo music, if composed well, could serve as the bridge?the medium that boys already enjoy. Use of this

bridge can begin transforming the boy's mind.53

During an interview one adolescent said, "I listen to Emo music when Fm

feeling lonely. I usually listen to it when I'm by myself. I feel comforted

because I can get out my angry.. .well, my negative feelings." Another ado

lescent responded, "When I'm upset I listen to certain Emo songs. It makes me

feel better to know that someone else has gone through the same things that I

have and has experienced the same emotions that I have. I can connect with

the lyrics of certain songs that describe the feelings I'm having."54 A third

adolescent reported, "I listen to Emo almost everyday. Most of it is somewhat

positive Emo, though. If anything, it gives me something to relate to. I listen to

screamo [ScrEmo] sometimes when I'm frustrated about something so some

one else does the screaming for me, and I know that that person went through it too. It gives me comfort."55


Emo music, as well as music of other genres that make use of honest, vul

nerable, inner-self-exposing lyrics, has the power to invite the listener to

contemplation and participation. Emo songs scream the cries of the adolescent

heart and give these young people an opportunity to try them on and partic

ipate in this crying out. In doing so, these songs allow the silent-suffering adolescent to voice his lament, even if the voice is not yet his but an under

standing voice that leaves room for him to eventually make it his own. The

power of these lyrics of lamentation is that they speak words that the sufferer

identifies and connects with. Like the poems in Lamentations, Emo songs have

the potential to allow for a suffering adolescent to voice pain and grief. The

lyrics of these songs and the repetitions in which they may be sung may give the listener not only language, but also opportunity to express his voice. The

power of these lyrics of lamentation is not only in the giving of voice to pain and suffering but also in the giving of permission. These lyrics authorize the

sufferer to feel what he already feels and to speak out, to cry out against the

suffering.56 With prevailing pseudo-philosophies in modern culture such as "suck it up"

and "get over it," an adolescent boy may easily find himself in a situation

where he feels guilty or weak if he expresses grief, concern, or complaint. This can be mentally paralyzing, causing him to repress emotions rather than to

take advantage of the benefits of lament. Giving a sufferer the permission to

lament gives him another option, an option toward healing steps. By using a

medium that adolescents are already familiar with and enjoy?Emo music

with lyrics of lamentation?these paralyzing pseudo-philosophies can possibly be dispelled and overcome.

Pollack affirms that boys need a place, free from fear of ridicule, where they can express their most vulnerable and warm feelings openly.57 Adolescent

boys may begin by going to concerts where Emo music is performed or even by

buying Emo CDs and listening to them in their own room. These avenues can

be the beginning steps of openly sharing, whether merely singing along with

the vulnerable lyrics as a first step, or sharing with a trusted friend. The

music can be used as a platform to begin dialogue. One aspect of giving voice to, and language for, pain is "naming." To be able to

put words to vague feelings of pain can aid in the healing process. Suffering cannot be avoided in a world filled with sin, pain, and loss. It can, however, be

made endurable. Naming allows pain to become owned and better understood, and to eventually be consolable. Naming provides a level of healing by helping the sufferer to articulate pain, allowing the suffering to become a remembrance.

Concluding thoughts

Emo songs are by no means a cure-all for adolescents, but are merely one

avenue through which God can begin or continue a process of healing found


through connectedness, sharing, and understanding. God can use these songs of lament in the first stages of healing and use them to bring awareness of

pain. This music can offer an environment for the suffering individual to begin to think about and develop vocabulary to describe their pain. In some cases, the music can serve as a prayer of faith for the adolescent, allowing him to

connect with God.

Emo songs serve best to transition the sufferer from Soelle's phase one to

phase two-from a languageless, silent suffering to a lament of consolation.

Experiencing these songs may only serve to make the suffering worse, at first.

The songs and lyrics can provide the raw material that may dredge up the

bitterness and hurt that exists in the adolescent's heart and no longer allow

him to remain in the destructive state of denial and distraction. These songs

may potentially lead to a language and an outlet for the sufferer, which can

ultimately lead to freedom, healing, change, and even into dialogue with God

who hears their cries. Use of the language in these songs may aid in the process of naming pain so that vague emotions cease to haunt the sufferer. The songs and the lyrics, for example, could prompt the adolescent boy to take a closer,

more serious look at the hurt and pain that often manifests itself in anger. Sometimes the only expression someone suffering can manage is to sing, to

shout along to deeply personal, descriptive lyrics written by an artist who has

experienced a similar pain. As the one in pain sings along to the deeply honest

and penetrating lyrics, the lyricist's words slowly become the words of the

sufferer. The lines become blurred between the artist and the participant. The

words are imbibed and applied. The lyrics describe and clarify. They no longer

belong to the artist or poet, but also to the listener who can participate ex

clusively from a safe distance, at least at first.

These songs will not do the hard work of lasting connection that comes only

through relationship, but may serve the purpose of an initial connection to the

hurting, who can relate to this truth spoken in verse. He will have an

opportunity to participate in this lamentation and will, hopefully, feel com

fortable enough to share his lament, pain, and grief with another individual

whom can be trusted. The act of lamentation through song and verse can be

used by God to bring healing to the suffering adolescent, and God can also use

this healing and connecting to make the ultimate connection to the adolescent.

Inasmuch as the lamentation serves as a prayer, which it often does, the

adolescent can connect with and petition the God who cares.

While listening to the music he feels connected because he knows that the

artist would not be able to so poignantly describe the pain that he is

experiencing if he had not been there himself. He feels comforted that someone

seems to understand him and that he is not alone nor crazy to have these

thoughts and feelings, this sense of depression hanging over his head. He feels

hopeful because the artist seems to have suffered much but has survived, and

survived well, to tell the tale. This sense of connection, comfort, and hope has

crashed through his walls of denial and distraction, allowing him to begin to


see more clearly. He appreciates the opportunity and permission to grieve in

the face of his suffering. He feels comforted. The lyrics of the songs, that he

keeps repeating, give him clarity into his own thoughts; they give him lan

guage and help him to begin to name his pain. He continues to sing along to

the lyrics, and the words begin to become his own. He uses the words as a

prayer of lament, connecting to the God who uses the music to draw him

toward healing, restoration, and relationship. His dialogue partner becomes

God, but not only God. He feels comfortable enough to share some of his

suffering with a friend, overcoming the culture-induced shame of the "Boy Code." These connections help him break out of the vague, dull pain of

depression and meaninglessness.. his journey continues. He is not na?ve en

ough to think that his troubles are over, but he knows that he is on his way toward healing, freedom, and restoration.

Notes

1. Doroth?e Soelle, Suffering, trans. Everett R. Kaiin (Philadelpia: Fortress Press, 1975) 61. 2. Henri J.M. Nouwen, Intimacy (New York: HarperSanFrancisco, 1969) 95.

3. Janet Sasson Edgette, Candor, connection, and enterprise in adolescent therapy 2002). Christian psychologist Larry Crabb agrees. All personal and emotional struggles, he says, stem from a failed connection and a deficit of togetherness, which results in lifelessness.

According to Crabb, disconnection can be described as a "condition of existence where the

deepest part of who we are is vibrantly attached to no one, where we are profoundly unknown

and therefore experience neither the thrill of being believed in nor the joy of loving or being loved." Larry Crabb, Connecting (Nashville: Word Publishing, 1997) 32 and 44.

4. William Pollack, Real boys (New York: Henry Holt and Company, 1998) 173. 5. Ibid, 23. 6. Ibid, 3.

7. Ibid, 6.

8. Ibid, 7.

9. Ibid, 11. 10. Ibid, 25.

11. Ibid, 32.

12. Mary Pipher, Reviving ophelia: Saving the selves of adolescent girls (New York: Bailan tine

Books, 1995) 26. 13. Psychologist Robert Kegan speaks of a "holding environment," which is a phrase that he

borrows from psychologist D.W. Winnicott, but Kegan offers his own view of the frequency of

these opportunities. While Winnicott understood this period to occur only in infancy, Kegan understands these "psychosocial environments" to occur many times throughout one's life and

also names these periods of time, "cultures of embeddedness." Robert Kegan, The evolving self: Problem and process in human development (Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 1982)

116.

14. Ibid, 140. 15. Soelle, 75.

16. Ibid, 70. 17. Ibid, 69. 18. Ibid, 71. 19. Soelle, 70.

20. Soelle, 74.

21. Soelle, 76.

22. Ibid.

23. Ibid, 78.


24. Delbert Hillers, Lamentations (New York: Doubleday and Company, Inc., 1972) xvi.

25. SoeUe, 71.

26. Ibid, 74.

27. Ibid, 76.

28. Ibid, 72.

29. Ibid. 30. Dobbs-Allsopp, 3.

31. Ibid, 6.

32. Dobbs-Allsopp, 34.

33. Ibid, 35.

34. Ibid, 39.

35. Ibid.

36. Ibid, 36.

37. Walter Brueggemann, Old testament theology (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1992) 27.

38. Ibid, 28.

39. Ibid, 29.

40. Ibid.

41. Hillers, xvi.

42. F.W. Dobbs-Allsopp, Lamentations (Louisville: John Knox Press, 2002) 38.

43. Dobbs-Allsopp, 14.

44. Ibid, 25.

45. Pipher, 21.

46. Erik Erikson, Identity, youth, and crisis (New York: W.W. Norton, 1968) 130. 47. James Cole, Cohesion: A novel about the unity of all things (Unpublished book) 2002. 48. Some critics refer to this genre of music as "whinny and pathetic." Jessica Hopper, "Emo:

Where the girls aren't," punk planet.com, PP56 (2003) 1.

49. Ibid. 50. Pollack, 175.

51. Ibid.

52. Howard Gardner, The disciplined mind (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1999) 104. 53. Ibid, 8.

54. Having interviewed several adolescents whom I know who listen to Emo music, I found that

all had similar responses as those mentioned, but with varied descriptions. 55. "Screamo" is a sub-genre of Emo, where the melodic vocals often turn to a scream.

56. Pollack, 175.

57. Ibid.

References

Brueggemann, Walter, (1992). Old testament theology. Minneapolis: Fortress Press.

Cole, James, (2002). Cohesion: A novel about the unity of all things. Unpublished.

Crabb, Larry, (1997). Connecting. Nashville: Word Publishing.

Edgette, Janet Sasson, (2002). Candor, connection, and enterprise in adolescent therapy. New

York: W.W. Norton.

Dobbs-Allsopp, F.W. (2002). Lamentations. Louisville: John Knox Press.

Erikson, Erik, (1968). Identity, youth, and crisis. New York: W.W. Norton.

Gardner, Howard, (1999). The disciplined mind. New York: Simon and Schuster.

Hillers, Delbert, (1972). Lamentations. New York: Doubleday and Company, Inc.

Hopper, Jessica, (2003). "Emo: Where the girls aren't." punk planet.com, PP56: 1-2.

Kegan, Robert, (1982). The evolving self: Problem and process in human development. Massa

chusetts: Harvard University Press.

Nouwen Henri, J.M. (1969). Intimacy. New York: HarperSanFrancisco.

Pipher, Mary, (1995). Reviving Ophelia: Saving the selves of adolescent girls. New York: Ballantine Books.

Pollack, William, (1998). Reed boys. New York: Henry Holt and Company. Soelle, Doroth?e, (1975). Suffering. Translated by Everett R. Kalin. Philadelpia: Fortress Press.

adolescent boys' use of emo music as their healing lament

Documents

henry holt

reviving ophelia

feels comfortable

raw material

girls aren

pop music

punk planet

adolescent