ACADEMIC ENGLISH IIIDecember 3rd 2012

ReminderPaper 4 FIRST DRAFT:

Submit Today (7:00 p.m.)

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Subject: Paper 4 draft 1

- I will be sending feedback as soon as possible.

AnnouncementPaper 4 SECOND DRAFT:

Submit by next Wednesday (December 12th , 8:00 p.m.)

- submit earlier if you can.

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Subject: Paper 4 draft 2

For the Second DraftRead the feedback from Draft 1 and improve the paper based on those comments.

Draft 2 should also include your references list (what you have used so far).

TodayCommon issues in writing:

- Pronoun reference problems

- Wordiness

Problems With Pronoun ReferencesWhen the word or phrase to which a pronoun refers (an antecedent) is unclear, the meaning of the sentence can be confusing.

Unclear pronoun references usually occur in one of two ways:

Problems With Pronoun References1. More than one possible antecedent

i.e.,

To prevent children from sucking their thumbs, some parents put them in tabasco sauce.

The doctors told their patients that they had serious problems.

Problems With Pronoun Referencesi.e.,

To prevent children from sucking their thumbs, some parents put them in tabasco sauce.

- The children of the thumbs?

The doctors told their patients that they had serious problems. - Who had problems, doctors or patients?

Problems With Pronoun Referencesi.e.,

When the hotel staff mistakenly booked two wedding parties at the same time, neither of the bride's families  would agree to be relocated. The situation was embarrassing for them.  

- Embarrassing for who? The hotel staff, the families, or the brides?

Problems With Pronoun References2. The antecedent is only implied

i.e.,

One of the engineers on NASA's team forgot to translate a mathematical formula into metric, causing the satellite to veer off its orbit. This was a disaster for the team.

Problems With Pronoun References

i.e.,

One of the engineers on NASA's team forgot to translate a mathematical formula into metric, causing the satellite to veer off its orbit. This was a disaster for the team.

- What was the disaster? Failure to translate the formula or the satellite veering off course?

Problems With Pronoun References2. The antecedent is only implied

i.e.,

One of the engineers on NASA's team forgot to translate a mathematical formula into metric, causing the satellite to veer off its orbit. This was a disaster for the team.

- The use of “this” is what caused the problem here.

- Do not use “this” without a clarifying noun afterwards.

i.e., “This omission was a disaster for the team.” “This change of course was a disaster for the team.”

Fixing Pronoun Reference Problems1. Provide or repeat the antecedent

Jack told Frank that he wasn’t going to get the job. Jack told Frank that Frank wasn’t going to get the job.

I majored in banking, but I don’t want to work in one. I majored in banking, but I won’t want to work in a bank.

My brother never asks for directions, which really annoys me. My brother never asks for directions, a habit which really annoys me.

Fixing Pronoun Reference Problems2. Re-arrange the material to place the referent close to the antecedent or to eliminate the need for the referent.

In Tokyo they eat a lot of fish. People in Tokyo eat a lot of fish.

The average employee does not know sign language, which would make it difficult to converse with the customer. Not knowing sign language would make it difficult for employees to converse with the customer.

It says in the paper that the city council will approve the budget. The paper says that the city council will approve the budget.

WordinessConciseness is important in both academic and business writing.

- Concise writing expresses ideas without unnecessary wordiness.

Wordiness:

- Increases the length of your work without adding meaning.

- Makes writing harder to understand.

WordinessExample 1:

The reason why Tom came to Douglas College was because it was inexpensive in price.

2 issues:

1. The words reason, why, and because all express the same idea.

2. Saying something is inexpensive includes the idea of price.

WordinessExample 1:

The reason why Tom came to Douglas College was because it was inexpensive in price.

Concisely:

Tom came to Douglas College because it was inexpensive.

WordinessExample 2:

Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the conclusion that she would go to work.

2 issues:

1. Despite the fact that is really just a long way of saying despite.

2. Came to the conclusion that is a long way of saying decided.

WordinessExample 2:

Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the conclusion that she would go to work.

Concisely

Despite feeling ill, Ann decided to go to work.

WordinessIn my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very fascinating.

- This sentence can be cut down to three words:

Sociology is fascinating.

WordinessIn my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very fascinating.

Sociology is fascinating.

- In my opinion and I think just repeat the same idea.

- Fascinating is clearly a judgment, so there is no need to include either I think or In my opinion.

- Sociology includes the idea of studying it, so the study of is redundant.

- Fascinating can be defined as very interesting, so adding very is unnecessary.

1. The stegosaurus was huge in size. - The stegosaurus was huge.

2. Now she is at school. • - She is at school.

3. He was happy and joyful about the great gift. • - He was happy about the gift.

4. Because of the fact that he got a good grade on the midterm, he decided to take the night off. • - Because he got a good grade on the midterm, he took the night off.

5. In the summer season, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park. • - In the summer, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park.

6. On January 14, in the middle of winter, the weather was freezing cold. • - On January 14, the weather was freezing.

7. I think smoking in public places should be banned. • - Smoking in public should be banned.

8. In order to get the true facts of the case, the lawyer interviewed 4 witnesses. • - To get the facts, the lawyer interviewed 4 witnesses.

9. Furthermore, Henry VIII also married six different women. • - Henry VIII also married six women.

10. Redundancy is defined as unnecessary repetition. • - Redundancy is unnecessary repetition.

11. New Westminster, which was British Columbia’s first capital city, is located on the shores of the Fraser River. • - New Westminster, British Columbia’s first capital city, is located along the Fraser

River.

12. The computer is sitting on top of the table. • - The computer is on the table.