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Note: Only Part I is included here. Please write to the author at sexualaddictionfree@gmail.com for full publication. Articles from “Hell and How to Avoid Hell”, “Welcome to the Catholic Church CDROM”, and the Article “Persona Humana” were not authorized by their publishers to be included here. Visit my web blog http://sexualaddictionfree.blogspot.com

CONTENTS Prayers Dedication Foreword INTRODUCTION

PART I

THE BATTLE AGAINST COMPULSION

SOME UNDERSTANDING ABOUT MASTURBATION LITERATURES FOR BEGINNERS A MASTURBATOR MARRYING? SINGLE BLESSEDNESS THE LIFE OF THE EMOTION EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE WITH GOD DOES GOD WILL MASTURBATION? DESPAIR AND DOING THE GOOD AM I READY FOR A LIFELONG BATTLE? OBEYING ST. THERESE A SUMMARY: MY FIGHT AGAINST QUASI-COMPULSIVE MASTURBATION ADDITIONAL INSIGHT FROM RELATED FIELDS (PSYCHOLOGY, SPIRITUALITY, MEDICINE) MORE PEDAGOGICAL AND THERAPEUTICAL GUIDE PART II

A MASTURBATOR IN LOVE

BEING ROMANTICALLY IN LOVE REASON’S PRIMACY OVER EMOTIONS TO PRAY WHEN YOU ARE IN LOVE A SHORT AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MY LOVE LIFE FALLING OUT OF LOVE SPIRITUALITY VS. SEXUALITY ATTITUDE POPULATION EXPLOTION AND ITS CAUSE: A CALL FOR A UNITED ACT TO END PORNOGRAPHY

AND LEWDNESS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN POPULATION CONTROL, CHASTE CELIBACY,

AND CHASTE MARRIAGE THE BEST AND COMPLETE MEANS: A FAMILY IN PRAYER AN ATTEMPT: MONOGAMY—TO LOVE ONLY ONE’S WIFE IN THOUGHT, IN WORD, AND IN DEED THE REASON BEHIND AN ANGEL’S LIFE THE SACRAMENT OF MARRIAGE: A SIGN OF CONTRADICTION ANOTHER ATTEMPT: CELIBACY FOR THE KINGDOM, A SACRIFICE THAT IS

CONSCIOUSLY DELIBERATED PORNOGRAPHY—SEX WITHOUT LOVE—IS NOT AN ART TO COURT OR BEFRIEND A LADY? MORTIFICATION OF THE EYE

TO BE ROMANTICALLY IN LOVE OR NOT AGAPEIC AND FILIAL LOVING SHOULD BE DEVELOPED AND ENHANCED BEING ROMANTICALLY IN LOVE CAN BE SINFUL FRIENDSHIP IS BETTER THAN ROMANTIC LOVING WHICH DOES NOT LASTS “NON-SEXUAL” FRIENDSHIP SEXUAL EXPRESSION AND NON-SEXUAL EXPRESSION OF LOVE WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES A MASTURBATION-FREE LIFE MAKES? WHY ROMANTIC LOVING IS NOT THAT BAD BUT ROMANTIC LOVING WILL PASS AWAY, MUST PASS AWAY MY CHOICE OR CALL IN A MARRIED LIFE MAY NOT DEPEND UPON MY UNCONTROLLABLE

SEXUAL APPETITE A CALL TO CONVERSION OF ATTITUDE PART III

A LIFE WITHOUT A BELOVED

TRANSITIONAL STATES WET DREAMS CONTINUOUS EVALUATION AND REFLECTION NOT A HYPOTHESIS TO BE PROVEN BUT A VALUE OR VIRTUE OR HABIT TO BE FORMED

OR ACQUIRED INTROSPECTION, REPLICATION AND…CANONIZATION? ANOTHER ATTEMPT: THE CURE OF HOMOSEXUAL MASTURBATION CAN BE THE CURE FOR

HOMOSEXUALITY AS WELL AN ANONYMOUS GROUP IS ENORMOUS GREEN JOKES ARE NOT JOKES AN ANALYSIS OF MASTURBATION IMAGINING ONE’S BELOVED HUMILITY IN DOING GOOD WHO ARE WE? NIP IT IN THE BUD

PART IV

A LIFE WITH A BELOVED

THE POWER OF CHASTE HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP COMPULSIVE ROMANTIC LOVING OF UNMARRIED PARTNERS EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY AND ROMANTIC LOVING OR IMAGINING OF ONE’S GIRLFRIEND ROMANTICISM THE TRIUMPH OF THE CROSS NO ROMANTIC LOVING RULE ONE SOLITARY LIFE IF NOT ROMANCE, THEN WHAT MOTIVATES AND SUSTAINS MARRIAGE? THE WORLD GONE CRAZY HEADSHIP OF THE FAMILY FINAL RECOMMENDED LITERATURE GOD BLESS US THROUGH CHRIST OUR LORD WHAT MOTIVE CAN SUSTAIN AN UNMARRIED PERSON IN CHASTITY KEEPING IN VIEW THE GOOD THAT WILL BE LOST ROMANTIC LOVING HAS NO PART IN A CHRISTIAN’S SINGLE LIFE A DEVELOPMENT

THE FORGIVENESS OF SINS IN DANGER OF PRAGMATISM, I RAN TO THE HEART OF CHRIST MY FEARS BE NOT AFRAID AM I STILL TREATABLE MY LORD? FINAL WORDS Appendix A: Pornography’s Effects on Adults and Children Appendix B: Treatment and Healing of Sexual and

Pornographic Addictions Appendix C: The Harmful Effects of Pornography Appendix D: Priestly Celibacy in the Light of Medicine and

Psychology

PRAYERS

O God, for all the love you have lavished upon me, So does in spite of all the chaos surrounding me, I am reaffirming my commitment to you. Protect me from my final defeat, Lead me not to despair against my weaknesses, But let me hold on once again to my Mother & Model Whose word always ring in my heart:

“…in the end my Immaculate Heart will triumph.”

Let me continue the work I have started to undertake Under the patronage of my Immaculate Mother, So that as she had pointed me out

“…the Blessed Kingdom of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus be extended as far as possible.” Amen.

“Mary, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us!”

MI ACT OF CONSECRATION

Composed by St. Maximilian Kolbe

O Immaculata, Queen of Heaven and earth, refuge of sinners and our most loving Mother, God has willed to entrust the entire order of mercy to you. I, N . . ., a repentant sinner, cast myself at your feet humbly imploring you to take me with all that I am and have, wholly to yourself as your possession and property. Please make of me, of all my powers of soul and body, of my whole life, death and eternity, whatever most pleases you. If it pleases you, use all that I am and have without reserve, wholly to accomplish what was said of you: “She will crush your head,” and, “You alone have destroyed all heresies in the whole world.” Let me be a fit instrument in your immaculate and merciful hands for introducing and increasing your glory to the maximum in all the many strayed and indifferent souls and thus help extend as far as possible the blessed kingdom of the most Sacred Heart of Jesus. For wherever you enter you obtain the grace of conversion and growth in holiness, since it is through your hands that all graces come to us from the most Sacred Heart of Jesus. V. Allow me to praise you, O Sacred Virgin. R. Give me strength against your enemies.

For the benefit of families, may this book bring a greater awareness of a clean environment. May the world understand the danger pornographic addiction proliferates invisibly. May the world have that total change of heart to revere human sexuality, which “enrich the whole person—body, emotions and soul—and manifests its inmost meaning in leading the person to the gift of self in love.” (Pope John Paul II Familiaris Consortio) The Author

FOREWORD

I searched everywhere for the healing of my compulsive masturbation. From books, articles, advices, and personal learning, I have deduced, realized, memorized and started practicing chains of moral sexual principles. As a neophyte in the living of chastity, I thought nothing but marriage can cure me. St. Paul tells us, “it is better to marry than burn with passion.” (1 Cor. 7:9) The passage for me was a divinely inspired cure, a truth that is applicable in whatever sexual problem man sees himself submerged.

Later, I realized that there are different kinds and causes of sexual addiction, that I am not the only one suffering from this curse. I realized further that all human beings, sexual addicts included, have individual choices or personal preferences. Sexual addiction then admits of other solution than just marriage. Addicts who have homosexual tendency, for example, may choose to remain chaste singles and not marry having no inclination to be one with someone of an opposite sex. On the other hand, mastering chastity will be the concern of those who want to embrace the religious vow of celibacy or those who do not want to marry for one reason or another. Yet in another sense, marriage is still a divinely inspired cure for an uncontrollable sexual need, and thus should mean that homosexuals must heal themselves and learn to become heterosexual and pursue marriage to control such a compulsion. Also if celibacy isn’t giving one chastity, it is still marriage which is the divine answer.

Here I have only attempted on St. Paul’s “it is better to marry…” and not on his other Gospel call “It is better not to marry…he who is able to accept it…” (Mt. 19:10-12) The latter verse speaks of single blessedness and celibacy for the Kingdom. I have limited my scope to speak about temporary singlehood only for a compulsive’s better preparation for marriage and for the pursuit of other worthy tasks.

There is the truth that the apparent pleasure inherent in various immoral sexual activities can be enjoyed genuinely as a moral activity inside matrimony. It therefore points every sexual addict, who really searches for sexual pleasure, to seek it inside marriage in accord with the doctrine of the Catholic Church.

On the other hand, sexual addicts already vowed to celibacy need not abandon their post and enter marriage if they really want to become chaste and celibate. In the first place, they should have not accepted the vow. Preventively, the authorities must warn candidates not to accept the vow of celibacy if they are still sexual addicts. Evagrius advised that they must heal themselves first before embracing the contemplative life. On the other hand, the question of healing the compulsion inside the formation period of future celibates is for the ecclesial authorities to decide about.

Leaving the seminary for good, I have not chosen the sacramental path of priesthood. I am presently preparing myself for marriage. I have chosen that sacramental path which is more suited for my salvation. I cannot fathom why I am incapable of choosing celibacy. St. Augustine, a converted sexual addict, is an incomprehensible proof to me. Maybe a longer time of working myself through chastity can enable me to choose like St. Augustine did. It is as if God converses with me, “You can enter celibacy and be chaste if you want to.” But for now, my body seeking sexual intimacy, the invitation of God to celibacy is an unwelcome intrusion.

St. John Chrysostom articulated well and appeased my rebellion and unintelligence: “Christ gave laws for everyone…I do not prohibit you from marrying, nor am I against your enjoying yourself. I only want you to do this with temperance, without indecency, guilt and sin. I do not make a law that you should flee to the mountains and deserts, rather that you should be good, modest, and chaste, as you live in the midst of the cities.” (Homiliae in Mattheum 7,7: PG

57, 80-81) While it points us to the willing abandonment of a priest’s or anybody’s natural right for marriage through the help of God, it is a very assuring fact that everyone is free to choose whatever holy state of life one wants, be it married or celibate loving. In my case before the compulsion set in, I was already a contemplative child immersed in the life of my beloved friend, playmate, and Lord Jesus. I was struggling to choose contemplation, even wanting to become a Trappist monk or an hermit; and I cannot separate the fact that in contrast my choice of marriage is partly motivated by my sexual compulsion.

Next, I made it clear that St. Paul’s “it is better to marry than burn with passion” does not mean that a compulsive masturbator should have an unchaste marriage. On the contrary, as analyzed by Dietrich Von Hildebrand, love ennobles sex within the sacrament of marriage. Married persons who still masturbate are not great proofs against Hildebrand’s idea, but that these persons have degraded themselves into an immorality and incapacity to love. Praying, powerpointing, value clarifications, nipping temptations in the bud, mortifying the eyes, doing the good, fleeing from the near occasion of sin, cleaning the environment of sexual lewdness, and many more will be the supporting practices that I will talk about for the healing of compulsive masturbation and impure thinking.

The purpose of this book though is not to teach directly but only indirectly other virtues. Chastity is the pearl of great price for a sexual addict because the lack of chastity is the greatest obstacle in practicing the other virtues. Overcoming compulsive masturbation necessitates all of one’s strength, and living chastely became the first and greatest obstacle to start the battle for virtuous living. According to CCC, “To transgress one commandment is to infringe the whole Law.” (CCC art. 2069, James 2:10-11)

I also had in mind the goal of helping my fellow compulsive masturbators. And my anonymity will be a great help in divulging important details of my life that may benefit them.

May God have mercy on my soul!

The Author

INTRODUCTION

I started masturbating if I can recall approximately, as early as age two to four. Who taught me how to masturbate at an early age? An xxx-rated1 videotape I accidentally viewed gave me the idea of orgasm, and later the experience of it. The growth of my compulsion is not possible to give in detail for it may endanger the good name of others. It will be sufficient to say that it was an abominable devisings of hell. I can now differentiate though as not normal that my kinsfolk handed on from one generation to the next the playboy porn and xxx-rated video indirectly and that seemingly there is a widespread belief that an early stimulation of orgasm makes those boy or girl heterosexual. Here and there is present much and different forms of stimulation of the sexual organ if not deliberately showing them porn mags or videos. Yet later we will see that these early stimulation is the culprit of much unchastity in the modern world including on the homosexual side the victimization of innocent children by perpetrator-victims. Such variable is the strongest elemental cause of a persons seeming lack of capacity for chastity later in life. But let’s just say the power of audio-visuals that children can easily imitate created the compulsion. The imitation produced pleasurable feelings satiated only by orgasm. I do remember that my first several masturbations released no semen and my penis did not harden, a sign that it happened quite before my sexual organ is physically developed for orgasm. Xxx-rated movie took away my innocence that early, which I should have enjoyed and should have given me a peaceful bearing. Innocence is so important in the development of the many aspects of a human being, especially the social, emotional aspect and personal goal development aspect as I experience which I only now recognize as stunted in my personality. I hate pornographers. In my grade year, I almost raped a person.2 The reason: my masturbation did not satisfy me anymore. It no longer baffles me why Echegaray3 accused the Filipinos of killing him because they permitted lewd movies, centerfold or frontal babes of tabloids that made him sexually aroused artificially. I felt a deep sympathy because I was a user of “Tik-tik” too and of other bold comics in my childhood days during the 80's. No wonder, I became what I read. Most of all, xxx-rated videotapes and playboy magazines were my favorites.4 Thanks be to God, I was already firm and sober when the cyber-sex, the worst of all, became a craze. There is no masturbation any

1 Pornographic materials can be classified as hard porn or soft porn. Triple x rating is hard porn.

Compared to soft porn, hard porn is an outright animalism, not just indecent but an orgasmic outburst. 2 I have to make some misrepresentations and miscalculations throughout the book to protect the good

name of others from being inferred, but in a way that retains the important helpful variables. 3The first Filipino sentenced to die by lethal injection, guilty of raping his daughter.

4 See Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines/Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic

Education (CBCP/ECCCE), Katesismo para sa Pilipinong Katoliko (KPK). (Philippines: Word & Life Publications, 2000), art. 1100. The great effects most especially of audio-visuals are well known. Visit Morality in Media website: www.moralityinmedia.com or read Appendix A and C.

better without these stimulants increasing in its perversion, accessibility, and lifelikeness or actualization not just imagined. The description of other stimulants that make masturbation a peak experience would make this confession suggestive. Let me content you only of mentionable and still respectable things because I have already cast into hell all these things way back when the Santo Niño already gave me, in my grade year, the sign of my conversion. As I recall, it was in the same manner that I am doing my masturbatory practice when an extraordinary look of the Santo Niño caught my attention coming from the altar in front of me. His shocked, worried, teary look struck me as I continued masturbating while looking on Him, until I cried a lot... “A grace, a grace of conversion! An initiative from God!”5 As a child, I was ignorant of the vices gravity, and the experience taught me for the first time the displeasure God sees from my masturbation, higher, as they say, from the superego shame when being caught masturbating. Nevertheless, my life from that grade year as a masturbator continued on to my high school days. My morning starts by fantasizing my loved one, a classmate, by kissing and hugging and fucking my pillow on a movie to envy James Bond’s “007”—a self-made movie to stir my sexual orgasm and start my day. That was only the first set of how grievous a kind of vice my masturbation was. I tried to imagine in reality the story line of “Taboo” xxx-rated videotape where mother and son, father and daughter, neighbor saleslady and the son fuck up each other. I viewed it in my ninth or tenth year. I imagined for the rest of my adolescence having sex with my sisters and with whomever I like or feel horny. Thanks be to God it only happened imaginatively yet almost because I touched one of my sister’s sexual organ. My God have mercy! I fantasized with all girls including my Mom. Some will say, especially Freudian psychology, that these are just part of growing up. I say that such Oedipal complex is not a natural part of growing up. If any human being can develop completely as a man of character, as befits his nature, any parent-child relationship should be grounded on a solid trust. And if Erik Erikson’s first stage of life is trust, where can it be based solidly if not in innocence. The gravest element of my kind of masturbation is its love of company. I taught my kind of masturbation to others; maybe because of my ignorance and enthusiasm about a thing I am not even aware is eating me alive. The deepest fatality of this vice is its privacy. It all happens in a locked door, bathroom, living room etc. No one will know, mostly the adults who should know, that this vice is happening to their children. The children’s impure thoughts and imagination is theirs alone concealed from the binding norms of righteous people. Correcting it is unworkable if the child will not reveal the content of his imagination which doesn’t normally happen. Add to it the timidity of the Filipinos to reprimand by saying, “Masama, kasalanan ang magluglog at magtikod at magkatha ng malalaswa sapagkat...” (Masturbating or exciting one’s sexual organ is bad because…) The facts are not ascertained as to how many ignorant children are there living in such manner without anyone telling them it is wrong, it will harm their being, it will hamper their proper human development, it is a sin which is displeasing to God and punishable by hell. We have to explain to them, as early as possible, its grievousness so that they can make an intelligent choice to fight such temptations to fantasize or to recall pornographic materials which are the cause that leads to behaviorally acting it out with oneself or role-playing it with others.

5 By the way, as a child I was ignorant in some degree of the vice’s gravity or I was already calloused even

as a child, whatever.

An animalistic life is so different from how Christ wants us to live. “But I say this to you: if a man looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart…. Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.”6 Parents should start instilling such a holy life during childhood days. However, such holiness of life is alien to habitual masturbators. Without being indoctrinated about the real meaning of life and how it should be lived, no masturbator will want to change the course of his existence without knowing how. Rather he will be stuck in the mud of sex addiction, which is meaningless, and would rather die than live it further.

Already graduating then from high school, I was hopeless to live longer my life that I attempted suicide, which God did not permit to happen. Thanks be to God, feeling my whole life as deeply meaningless and experiencing the crises of the world and of my country in particular—coup d'état, Middle East war, strong earthquakes and storms—God led me to read the Bible, to listen to Bro. Mike Velarde’s teaching, and to pray the 3 O’clock Prayer to the Divine Mercy. Being also affected by the end-of-the-world mania, I proclaimed to my classmates, “God’s second coming is near because the signs said by the Bible were already happening.” I am myself the most terrified and questioning of everything, of what is the true religion, of why God wants me to live in this world with the danger of being punished eternally, of how I will survive in the chaotic world I see and experience, of how I can be a good Samaritan to my neighbor. Until I read one of the book of St. Alphonsus de Liguori that suggested to me a life of community where they would help me live the virtuous life which was also elaborated there. Also, heeding somehow the Bible’s call to proclaim the good news and the need thus for someone to be sent to proclaim it, I announced I want to become a priest and entered the seminary. In the seminary, I experienced the real joy of life, the real thing, most especially during meditation time, with the exposed Host dimly lighted side by side the sea’s gentle wind breezing up the mountaintop. Learning a disciplined existence, my life became meaningful. Peace of mind set in, and depressions faded in my picture of the world. However, one day it dawned on me. I compulsively did my kind of masturbation again. Oh, a regrettable relapse that pushed me to know and call Mary, from that day onward, the hope of my salvation. I had recourse to her and my relationship with her grew strong with the daily Rosary, novenas to Our Lady of Perpetual Help, and visits to Jesus in the Most Blessed Sacrament and Blessed Virgin Mary. My life continued thus. During one of my summer vacation as a seminarian, I fell in love with a woman I met, but was unable to relate with her naturally. As a masturbator, it was dominant in me to relate to her within my imagination, not by talking with her in reality. I can actually count on my fingers the words I have said to her up until we parted ways. Later on, I got some chance to talk to her but did not with the motive that I have to offer myself up to God in priesthood. I thought detaching myself to her would be that simple, but the catastrophe was yet to come…. Back in the seminary, there was nothing in my mind but her, and “God,” I said, “is depriving me of a woman’s love!” God is pressuring me to become a priest, but I want to marry her. During all those days, repeated masturbation dragged me unto a day where I was so struck—I was already doing again intensely my kind of masturbation. A fact that lit the sorrow of my former existence that brought me again to enjoy fantasizing all of my former wicked fantasies which compelled me to say, “I can’t live without a partner,” with my spiritual director’s

6 Mt. 5:28,48.

final word, “It is better to marry than be burned in hell.”7 I lost my way not knowing what to do with my life. I went out of the seminary confirming to the proper authority that I am a compulsive masturbator. Being out of the seminary is saying I am free to marry her already. Nevertheless, the difference of life outside the seminary made me sink to the bottom. I was masturbating because I already want to marry her. Then came the thought of job, financial capacity, respectable name, and all the virtues of a man capable of marriage. I have to control this masturbation if I will still be sane while preparing for such an indefinite future of married life; but I cannot control it. So I sought help first from up above. I prayed a lot begging God to cast away this vice from me. I prayed all my devotions. It gave me some hope, but I am still masturbating. I tried behavioral modification, charismatic healing, anonymous help groups online, inner child healing, and read moral guides from almost everywhere I can find it. Then I prayed hard again, read all the books I have accessed on chaste living, and consulted others.8 One thing is clear now—that I am living in grace, by a higher power as we call it in AA. I must depend upon this higher power.9 I believe that living by a higher power, I am given by this higher power the power to cooperate. Such power made me consider my compulsion as quasi10 and I tried continuously to live the truth that I can (control it) do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Relapse became costly, deadly, which made me realize that it is better to ask God to enable me to do good—which has its highest expression in commitment—than to masturbate.

Prayer to the Child Jesus: A Prayer for Innocence

Oh my Playmate From the very first day my mother taught me about You The only Boy who understood and been a witness of my innocent days I lost You… I call to You now

7 “External confirmation of the subjective belief by the spiritual director… It is precisely by this

confirmation that the objective reality of a vocation, as opposed to a merely subjective enthusiasm, is expressed and guaranteed.”—Dietrich Von Hildebrand, In Defense of Purity: An Analysis of the Catholic Ideals of Purity and

Virginity. (Longmans, Green and Co.,1931), footnote on p. 174. 8 I have learned many things from these things that I tried. However, I chose those principles that helped

me, better than others, to cope up with my compulsion. The principles will be tackled up all throughout the book in a fashion incorporated in my narrations.

9 Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), 2nd Step of “The 12 Steps of A.A.”

10 Consult Welcome to the Catholic Church Version 2.0 (WCC), “Christian Moral Principles” (CMP) no.

17, CD ROM, Harmony Media, Inc. The Way of the Lord Jesus Volume One, Christian Moral Principles, (Franciscan Herald Press, 1983). for a complete explanation or read a part of it here in Part I: Literatures for Beginners.

You’ve not grown as within me You’re still the Playmate I loved to Be I recall You You’re the most innocent, most joyful of life Everything is new and heavenly when I am with You So come now! come now... “Hesus, Hesus, pumarito ka sa amin.”11

11

The Filipino words are front cover prayer from a popular small prayer book and guide to Mass that my mother gave me to catechize me by its beautiful pictures before I became a masturbator because of pornography.

PART I

THE BATTLE AGAINST COMPULSION

SOME UNDERSTANDING ABOUT MASTURBATION

Masturbation is an addiction. When I had been living the life of a seminarian, I thought everything of my former wickedness was over. Yet I was wrong. It had taken me first to read voraciously the book of John Burns and three other recovered addicts entitled The Answer to Addiction: The Path to Recovery from Alcohol, Drug, Food, & Sexual Dependencies before I was opened to a grim reality that I am an addict too. My difference from other addicts is but the same: we cannot control it. Our Common Denominator of the Answer to my problem is the same: (1) surrender to God and to the truth, (2) cleansing and amendment of life, and (3) helping others.12 The Answer led me aright in my fight for chastity in my years of researching for ways to stop masturbation, for it was providential that I got hold of the book on the day I went out of the seminary. I bought the book on the seminary town’s bookstore before I went back home and left the seminary for good.

For sure, the seminary is not a reformatory school. It accepts only worthy candidates. But the seminary admitted me, and I entered the seminary unaware that my kind of masturbation is not only an isolated act but is itself an addiction that needs rehabilitation.

It can be hard to verify if all kinds of masturbation are addiction although even one act can lead to addiction. For why would a person masturbate if one does not see an apparent goodness in its pleasure and so subscribes to it as a good act and does it without any remorse with a tendency to repeat the act. Nevertheless, let us not be led astray that whether or not it is an addiction, “it should always be a grave matter.”13

And the day I read The Answer, was the day of recognition: my kind of masturbation has been for long an addiction, which was not different from my brother’s drug addiction and my father’s smoking and drinking addiction. We are bunch of male addicts in our family, and I am not different from them. My father died of his addiction. My brother, aware of his fatal end, also got sober by the rehabilitation center. Yet masturbation in its hiddenness is incalculable in its fatal effects that some, unaware of its grievousness, even named it as tension reliever. Its fatal effects are incalculable for it is not seen clearly as the training ground by rehearsal method of the rapists and maniacs of every kind, the adulterers, the irresponsible would-be fathers etc. They do disrupt catastrophically the family, the basic unit of society. Masturbation as pornographic addiction respects no concept of a holy family because any porno out there necessitates animalistic scene and script that defies control to arose the forbidden.14 I am short of saying that compulsive masturbation is extinct without pornography or an immoral picture, short of saying that compulsive masturbation is grievous than someone masturbating with the thought of a loved one (more on this later).

I can assert thus that masturbation is more addictive with respect to the means: your own sexual organ and a recorded pornographic fantasy in one’s memory. It is invisible, and can thus be more regular by sexual fantasies. It could have been not that deadlier than drugs, cigarette

12

John Burns and Three Other Recovered Addicts, The Answer To Addiction: The Path to Recovery

from Alcohol, Drug, Food & Sexual Dependencies. (New York: The Crossroad Publishing Company, 1990), 8. 13

See WCC, CMP 9E7. 14

Consult Appendix A, C. Though masturbation is not pornographic addiction, masturbation is one activity that achieves the orgasmic purpose of seeing sexually arousing pictures. Thus, masturbation and pornographic addiction exist side by side.

and alcohol if not for the fact that it is accepted as normal. The general atmosphere, the different scientific disciplines that take for granted moral authority say so.

If drug, alcohol and cigarette addiction is not being accepted by society in a certain degree by prohibitions and medical findings, then society should also fill the medical literature of masturbation’s harmful effect on the human body, on man’s psychological health, if not its negative effect on man’s spiritual life. I think the reversal of the idea that masturbation is not a serious matter will be the key to a more chaste society. A law backed up by those likely findings will better enforce the picketing and abolition of prostitution houses, playboy magazines, indecent movies, xxx-rated films and videos etc. because they are the stimulants which corrupt innocence and make sexual pleasure included in the commodities that can be bought and consumed.

Masturbation is a mortal sin. “If it is a mortal sin then it is punishable by hell,” I said to myself. Well, I had the opportunity to read TAN Book’s Hell & How to Avoid It. It dawned on me that I am a rationalizer of my vice—that hell is not true because if hell is true, then I will be thrown there. God could have not “made” hell if not for the fact that it can become one of the great motivators of the hardened sinners to change their life side-by-side God’s will for them to be saved if they would pray for it. As St. Alphonsus’ famous quotation says, “He who prays will be saved. He who does not pray [Lord, save me!] will not be saved [because it is His will that we be saved].”15

“I want to be a compulsive,” this is my unconscious thought which I vocalized consciously as “I am my stimulant not the recorded pornographic fantasy in my mind” because in the last analysis, I am still the one who plays it back. The medical field must prove that human beings will not become sexually active if not stimulated.16 Thus, the fact of my accountability is given emphasis; that if I will not win over this masturbatory practice, I will end up in hell. This new awareness stirred all my resources to seek for ways and means to stop this damnable habit. (Though later did I realize that my masturbation and impure thinking have become a real compulsion, an incapacity to control my sexual appetite, a wound inflicted by my years of ignorantly practicing masturbation and impure thinking.) Such fear gave me the inner stirring to believe that this problem is solvable after I read that “failure and frustration need not signify impossibility; perhaps they signify inadequately directed effort.”17 From fear, which pushed me to seek for ways and means against addiction, I

15

Fr. F.X. Schouppe and Thomas A. Nelson, Hell Plus How To Avoid Hell. “The Necessity of Prayer” Chap.XI, (TAN books and Publishers, Inc., 1989), 416ff.

16 Wanda Poltawska, Priestly Celibacy in the light of Medicine and Psychology. “Asceticism in the

Christian Life” first par. August 2002. www.ewtn.com Consider too the following: “…not from any material deficiency, but is a wound inflicted by the disordered exercise of human freedom”—John Paul II, Encyclical Letter Fides et Ratio, 127. “…consciousness’ impassability by matter” which give emphasis on the agency of soul (myself) as the first cause of masturbation not porno, strong emotion, habit, environment etc. which must only be secondary—“Materialism” The Catholic Encyclopedia. Online Edition Copyright © 1999 by Kevin Knight www.newadvent.com

17 WCC, CMP 17, appendix 2.

was led to a capacity within me. I first thought that this capacity is by techniques only.18 Therefore, I proceeded thus; but later I realized through relapses that I am still inadequate, that I need the help of a greater than natural strength by virtue of my fallen nature as weak in itself. When I had been given some success against my vice for some time, I was able to believe more than ever that masturbation is really a mortal sin punishable of hell. This I understood when I read that you have to be good in order to know, appreciate or accept what is good.19 I understood then that I could not seem to accept hell because I am bound to it. I could not seem to accept that masturbation is a mortal sin because I am practicing it, practicing my way to hell. The punishment, which became the reward also, has one objective: to make me live a chaste life. The Holy Spirit, unworthy as we are, interiorizes the Law20 and makes chastity itself the reward and masturbation the punishment. Why did it turn 360 degree? Yesterday my only happiness was masturbating, now it became the number one cause of misery in me. Thanks be to God for that. Once, masturbation is life itself; but now, God has lifted me up to a loftier state. God gave me the ability to affirm that a relapse can mean death itself.

At those periods the norm that I can actually overcome it became clear: It is his grace that I live chastely, but it is my free choice ultimately to sin or not. Thus in my struggle against masturbation, believing and not believing, trying to live and not trying to live chastity is the issue rather than human nature’s doubtful capacity to live chaste lives. If I can do it, how? Lord, show me the way!

I am a compulsive or addict by caution not by capacity. Compulsion or addiction is quasi, meaning I can simply stop sinning.21 It means, “I have no compulsion or addiction which I cannot control,” and therefore, “I am not an addict or a compulsive.” However, as some Anonymous members have affirmed, “I will remain an addict forever, for the reason that I am the most prone of them all to fall into temptation, but not for any other reason.” Nelson too is of the same opinion that as human beings, we need to have a complete distrust of our strength in resisting temptations against purity, knowing that sexual activity is “natural” to mankind, and he is not yet speaking of those who are addicted to sex. He explains,

Because sins of impurity are all mortal sins, and because the near occasion of sins of impurity will almost inevitably lead us to commit them, it is imperative to avoid the near occasion of sins of impurity. Almost always, placing ourselves in the near occasions of sins of impurity (i.e., those persons, places, or things which have led us into sins of impurity before and/or which are a strong temptation to us) is itself going to be a mortal sin.22 [sleeping in bed at night alone becomes the most difficult situation, while technique not to drink coffee and other stimulants 2 to 3 hours before bedtime helps a lot]

18

“It is not a question of a sort of spiritual athletics in which man succeeds by his own effort; nor of the implementation of a suitable technique (Yoga and so on). It is the grace of Christ asked for in prayer…”—Carlo Caffara, Living in Christ: Fundamental Principles of Catholic Moral Teaching. eds. Giacomo Biffi, Inos Biffi and Carlo Caffara. trans. by Christopher Ruff. (Ignatius Press, San Francisco), 151.

19 Nelson, How to Avoid Hell. “The Role of Conscience” Chap. 10

20 See Caffara, Living In Christ, 1.11.

21 WCC, CMP 17.

22 Nelson, How To Avoid Hell, 240-41.

Therefore, I am not an addict or compulsive by virtue of my capacity in Christ, but I am

an addict or compulsive forever by caution. As Hildebrand says, The pure man feels himself a sinner capable, but for the help of God’s grace, of being submerged at any moment by the flesh…. He does not imagine himself made of other material than flesh and blood and inaccessible to the weakness of the flesh…. And his attitude continues the same even if he has never experienced sexual temptations.23

Ignorance excuses no one. The argument that ignorance will excuse my decades of masturbation will not be of help because the experience of grace moving me away from it and making me live a life of chastity is by means of deep repentance and groaning—a fact of my long lost freedom that I could have done otherwise. A masturbator must always affirm that he is always viciously responsible. With such accountability as his general attitude, masturbators would see himself as the facilitator of the secondary causes of his vice (like bold movies, playboy magazines, behaviors which tend to masturbation etc.). Knowing how I have lost my innocence without my parents’ knowledge and others who took care of me, I could have been the only person most authoritative objectively and subjectively to say that I must be given the benefit of doubt (that I was truly ignorant in some degree). But knowing by experience that this laying the blame on anyone or anything else but to

myself only makes me more incapable, more excusing of my relapses and selfish acts, I am thus

saying that I am not ignorant in some degree specially in the preceding years up to adolescence

if not during my youngest years. In addition, being given the aspirations of Christ there is no way out but repentance and change of heart. A gift “to which the Lord never stops [sic] ceases to call us.”24 I experienced repentance by sorrow or angst too deep and sometimes calculating after the act of masturbation. It is too deep for it calls on God as the Savior of a fallen race in me. Sometimes calculating for it seeks for ways and means to stop the act e.g. “I have not done something again to occupy my time and cut this train of sexual thoughts and emotions. I have done this again in this bathroom. What must I do next time? I have given up the fight again.” Be it clear then for anyone not to assert that he was addicted to it, so that he seem not yet

winning over it. Be reminded that today is always the day of conversion and “A man, helped by God, can, if he will, be without sin.”25 Such doctrine is unacceptable to me until I was able to have some success against my vicious inclination by powerpointing26 in the natural sphere and by the sacraments and prayers in the supernatural sphere. Like what I am wont to say after a relapse, “God is not really helping me because I’m already willing enough.” What light does such sentiment cast on God’s will? God seems to say that I must do what I can do i.e. I must not say God’s grace is not sufficient, but rather I am not willing enough to become chaste by doing what I can. I can devise tactics, pray unceasingly—which I experienced in the powerful

23

Hildebrand, In Defense of Purity, 64. 24

E.C.C.C.E., Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC). (Philippines: Word and Life Publication, 1994), art. 1426, 1430.

25 WCC, FEF 1720.

26 Please read my warning note about powerpointing.

traditional and historical 3 Hail Mary's before retiring and at rising or while still half-asleep—and convince myself that a relapse to masturbation, like what drug addiction does, will put me back to my former somewhat inability to control myself.27 Now that we know what to do let us not be so fool as not to do it, for I am certain that by God’s grace we, masturbators, will be able to carry it out in time.

LITERATURES FOR BEGINNERS

Exhaustive I would say would be the full content of this book. There is a need because a

masturbator is one of the greatest rationalizer. Even attaining a 2 months masturbation-free life and establishing a somewhat greater self-control and belief that I can do it through Christ, I still have to get back to all of my chastity literature to better instill it in my rebellious flesh. Because when I am back again from where I fell so many times, I am inclined to state the fact against my faith: that a free masturbation life is utterly impossible. The topic of masturbation as being a quasi-compulsive sin is a truth that should not be taken for granted to drill the fact of my capacity in Christ. I only have to reiterate in full detail the topical readings here, afraid that the rationalizer in me might blur the clear argumental logic already written. This is not to say that these are the best literatures on masturbation. What happened was that I got hold of no other sources of information. Yet, I do not want to say that truth changes because what is true in these literatures are true for all times even more information and help will be accessible in the future. Therefore, the rationalizer in every addict makes reading this literature necessary because it will help in the straightening up of the mind, a kind of rational moral therapy and discipline as we may call it. And if anybody will insist on a sexual education of the youth it must start with the 6th and 9th Commandment of God. I would just present the literature in the order of time that I got hold of it. Some are not directly discussing things about masturbation or sexual addiction, but the sexual addict should know these other topics because it has implication in the healing of sexual compulsion. Here are they:

Chosen articles from “Hell and How to Avoid Hell”

The Sixth and Ninth Commandments

6. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Adultery is illicit but “natural” sexual relations between a man and a woman who are not married to each other and when at least one of the persons is married to someone else. If neither is married to each other and when at least one of the persons is married to someone else. If neither is married, the illicit act is called fornication. In the Bible, adultery and fornication are both spoken of as grave sins, which will cause one to lose his soul. Though the Sixth Commandment does not specifically mention fornication, it is included by implication, as are all sins of impurity, which are all always mortally sinful when fully consented to. St. Paul uses the word porneia, which s sometimes translated as “fornication,” but which really means “sexual looseness.”

27

“Relapses take place because the patients persuade themselves that for this once they need a dose of their favourite remedy. One dose leads to another, and so the habit is resumed.”—“Psychotherapy” Catholic Encyclopaedia, on subtitle “Alcoholism and Drug Habits”. www.newadvent.com

Fornication, as a term, is often used by Sacred Scripture to symbolized sin in general. Thus we have proof that this sin is particularly displeasing to Almighty God and that presumably it is quite common. Male or female, we are all born with sexuality, and it is a faculty we have to control during a time roughly from puberty until death. It is usually easily awakened in a man, being triggered very quickly by sight or by thought, and oftentimes simply by the “humors” of the body itself; and in a woman, once she becomes “sexually active,” can be very hard to contain. The Catholic Church teaches that sins against the Sixth Commandment, when purposely willful, are always mortal sins, because the matter (the act in itself) is always grievous (i.e.,, serious or mortally sinful). Now the sexual act never begins full-blown, but rather is preceded by “foreplay,” or at least by looks, words or desires. But inasmuch as all such preceding thoughts, looks, words, kisses, touches, etc. lead up to the final sexual act, they too are all likewise mortally sinful—because of what they can lead to, and as soon as a person willfully agrees to them. (Intimate kisses and touches, in particular, are always mortally sinful for the unmarried. Cf. Ch. IX.) If one could separate the foreplay from the final act, the case might be different, but because the preceding activity is linked, as in a chain, with the culminating act, all such activity is not only a sin, but a mortal sin. (Nor can anyone excuse himself by saying he will not go all the way, for inevitably such will happen, even to the strongest-willed person. God has created us that way.) Sins against the Sixth Commandment are called impurity or unchastity, and no other sin blinds the correct moral understanding of a human being so completely as this sin. Even the immoral Homer comments to this effect in his writings. There is a twofold blindness to impurity: The first is that the person about to commit the sin is overwhelmed by the desire to commit it and is blinded thereby to its seriously wrongful nature, but also it is a sin that very easily becomes habitual, and thereby, secondly, the person quickly loses the deep sense of guilt that usually appalled at what she has done when she first engages in illicit sexual activity and loses her virginity, but often it is not long afterwards that she returns to the same sin and, in a matter of only a few times, is given over completely to it. Rationalization soon sets in for those who engage in adultery or fornication. They say that since it is “natural.” (That is, it springs from a natural drive and often from love.) True…God understands our weakness and forgives us if we are truly sorry, and it is “natural” (though avoidable with God’s grace and the practice of virtue). But the Commandment still says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Why? The reason why this sin is so serious is that sex is the faculty which God, in His infinite wisdom, has endowed us with in order to provide for the birth of new people. Now human beings are immortal creatures with an

eternal destiny of either Heaven or Hell, depending on how they behave—which in turn depends in large part on

how they are taught and how they are formed in youth. But people enter the world as helpless babes and need nurturing, protection and help until approximately 18 to 21 years of age, plus advice, counsel, good example and various types of help all the rest of their lives. IT is for this reason that Almighty God has wrapped up the sexual faculty in human love and the psychological fulfillment of the parents and has placed it within marriage. Before this faculty is permitted to be used lawfully, it is necessary for the two parties to make a lifetime commitment to each other in the form of public marriage vows, so that the children born of their union—the immortal souls whom they help bring into this world—will have the necessary assistance throughout all their lives, that they may be reared and educated when young, and guided and counseled when adults. The Bible says, “Bastard slips shall not take deep root, nor any fast foundation.” (Wis. 4:3). And “The children of adulterers shall not come to perfection, and the seed of the unlawful bed shall be rooted out.” (Wis. 3:16). Yes, sex is natural. Man is weak. And God understands. But still, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” is what the Commandment says, and for plenteous good reasons. Those who would overcome or avoid sins of impurity must not fight them head on, as with other sins, say the great Catholic spiritual writers, but rather, they should flee from them. For being “natural” to mankind, sexual sins, if a person simply tries to resist them where he knows that there is danger, will easily overcome his resistance and plunge him into sin. If one has great difficulty in being pure, there is the advice of St. Paul, “But if they do not contain themselves, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to be burnt.” (1 Cor. 7:9). Natural use of the sexual faculty within marriage is, of course, in accord with God’s law; it is part of a sacred experience, and can be a meritorious act if engaged in with the proper dispositions. But adultery, fornication and the other sexual sins are not licit, and they profane the sacredness of the sexual faculty. “No fornicator, or unclean, or covetous person (which is a serving of idols) hath inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” (Eph. 5:5). Many young boys and young men, especially, fall into the sin of masturbation (called “self-abuse”) and often cannot seem to shake it. Masturbation too is a mortal sin, according to the moral teaching of the Catholic Church. Because it is so common and often so hard to correct, many want to excuse this sin and say that it is not seriously wrong (a mortal sin), or even that it is no sin at all. But that is not at all the Church’s teaching on this subject! Although our intellects may not be able to discern completely why this sin is mortal, let us, in the interest of examining the matter, consider the following points: Masturbation is a gross misuse of the sexual faculty, making

sexual pleasure an end in itself and frustrating the purpose for which God created this faculty. The person who commits masturbation robs himself for the time being of his vital sexual drive and thereby toward the procreation of children, for he is satisfied sexually to an extent and for a time. Masturbation is much easier for a young man, for example, than courtship, and possibly courtship might not occur if the young man in question never overcomes this sin. Moreover, there exists a universal instinct in mankind which judges that this act is shameful and impure. However, despite whatever reasons we might adduce to demonstrate the wrongfulness of masturbation (or any sin for that matter), we should always remember that God, through the teaching authority of the Church which He founded to teach all mankind, has condemned this act as a mortal sin. Though we cannot with our limited understanding entirely plumb the depths of God’s mysteries, as built into our nature, we may therefore not understand all the reasons why masturbation is a mortal sin, but it is. Although other reasons why masturbation is seriously wrong could be brought forward, let it at least be said in regard to this sin that St. Thomas Aquinas (considered to be the greatest Catholic theologian ever) ranked it a worse sin than fornication, for it is an unnatural act; whereas, fornication is not.

Then there is the sin of homosexuality (sex between persons of the same sex—homo is Greek for “same”), which also generically, includes lesbianism (sex between women—which derives its name from the Island of Lesbos off Greece, from which the famous ancient Greek poetess Sappho came, who was a sexual deviate). Homosexuality is one of the four sins which the Bible says “cry to heaven for vengeance” (Gen. 18:20-21; Rom. 1:26-32) and is classed thereby with murder (Gen. 4:10), defrauding the laborer of his hire (James 5:4), and oppression of the poor (Exod. 2:23). Homosexual acts, needless to say, are always mortally sinful, and terribly so, because they are completely against nature. When first committed, they have to be entered into, as it were, almost by force against one’s better judgment and understanding. One has to pervert his very intelligence and every right sentiment within himself in order to commit these sins, for which reason such people are called “perverts.” Under the Old Testament law homosexuals were to be put to death, and in the history of the Kingdoms of Juda and Israel in the Old Testament the Kingdoms always suffered decline and every sort of malady when this sin (called “effeminacy” by the Bible) gained ascendancy. This sin violates the individual’s nature, as created by Almighty God, and is a sin against society, for it deprives society of new members; plus, like a cancer, it tends to grow, because such a sinful person is not checked by the bounds of reason and morality and goes from partner to partner, ever widening the circle of those corrupted by his vice. Homosexuals give the excuse that this is just the way they are, that they were “born this way”; they see this sinful proclivity as their basic sexual orientation; and to some degree, with some individuals, this may be true, due to their physio-psychological make-up; but for many homosexuals, the truth is that they are oriented that way because they have done what they have done. And even were their claim true, that they are oriented that way by nature, still the only lawful sexual activity open to man kind is that between a man and woman who are properly married to each other in the eyes of God and who perform the natural sexual act in a manner wherein the man climaxes within the woman in a way that will allow a child to be conceived. The non-married all must be sexually continent (inactive); that is God’s law, and this extends to homosexual activity as well. The homosexual tendency of such people is just one more of the illicit human impulses that man must avoid—and, with the help of God’s grace, can avoid. A married couple, the Church teaches, can do whatever they want sexually, so long as the man climaxes in the woman in the natural way, and with the possible conception of a child left entirely open. Nonetheless, even properly married people may have a preference for some sort of sexual activity which is not natural and licit; such preferences do not thereby mean these actions are all right; rather, even married people must avoid such acts. So too with homosexuals, who may indeed prefer their activity to the natural sexual at; this does not mean, however, that their activity is all right, that it is natural or that they have a right, that it is natural or that they have a right to it; it only means that they like it, they prefer it! (Simply having homosexual inclinations, of course, is not sinful in itself; but engaging in these shameful sexual acts is a very serious sin.) Granted that sex is a powerful force and one that can easily be misused, and granted that the misuse can become habitual and can often “take over” in one’s life, nonetheless, sexual activities can be curbed, channeled, and even curtailed altogether. As Our Lord said to St. Paul, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for power is made perfect in infirmity.” (2 Cor. 12:9). If the married person must behave properly in marriage, in order to observe God’s law, and if the single person must remain continent, why then cannot and must not the homosexually-oriented person refrain from his or her particular sexual preference, knowing it violates the law of God in a manner that will surely send him to Hell. “I can’t help it” or “That’s just the way I am” will not pass at the Judgment when Christ will separate the wicked from the good. Finally, we come to considering the sexual sins of imagination. These too are mortally sinful when purposefully and knowingly given in to. Here we must distinguish among three elements connected to impurity of

thought: 1) the temptation, which takes the form of an image (or phantasm, to use the technical word), which pops into the mind and which is no sin at all because it arises involuntarily; 2) toying with the temptation, rather than getting rid of it, which can be a mortal sin if the person recognizes the danger and fully consents to it, because it is leaving oneself in the near occasion of a mortal sin; and 3) willfully taking pleasure in the impure thought which suggests itself to the mind, which is always a mortal sin. One must immediately drive away temptations to impure thoughts because giving in to them is always a mortal sin ad even toying with them can be. Filthy T.V. talk shows these days often feature people who call this simply “fantasizing,” but Our Lord said, “Whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:28) With the constant presentation of immodestly dressed women on T.V., in the movies and in advertising, men especially have to be on their guard against this sin. As with all sins against purity, sexual sins of the imagination are to be overcome by calling immediately on the Blessed Mother of God, Mary most holy, to help us, and also by driving such thoughts from our minds immediately when they first present themselves, rather than waiting till they have grown and are powerful. (It is easier to root out a seedling than a tree.) Prayer, frequent Confession and the frequent reception of Holy Communion are also essential, as is daily recitation of the Holy Rosary. One must really attack temptations against impure thoughts with these holy tools and precautions and not temporize with such temptations even to the slightest degree, or he runs the very likely risk of falling into mortal sins of impurity. Where these expedients to overcoming impure thoughts are swiftly, resolutely and sincerely employed, this vice, as well as all sexual sins, cannot long remain. Scoffers will likely think that all this discussion of the evils of sexual sins is sheer prudery, but they should consider that their consciences, though blunted perhaps by years of sins against purity, still function well enough to remind them that sexual sins are wrong, grievously wrong; they need to ponder within themselves the thought of spending their eternity in Hell, regretting forever their illicit sinful pleasures and wishing for someone from Heaven to come and relieve them, just a little, from their eternal torment, as Dives wished Lazarus to do. Then it will be too late. But now it is not. And those who think that impurity is just one more of the many sins to be avoided, like cursing and stealing and all the rest, should pause to consider this sobering fact, that the Saints say impurity is the sin that leads to Hell most of the people who go there. St. Alphonsus Liguori—himself on of the greatest Doctors of the Catholic Church—tells us that the great Fathers and Doctors of the Church are unanimous in their opinion that most by far of the people who go to Hell go there because of this type of sin. No, impurity is not just “one more” of the sins we must overcome. For most people, it is the sin, especially today in our libertine society. And sex is all the more dangerous because it is “natural,” it is a drive within us, it is powerful, it can be triggered quite easily, it wells up within us spontaneously n the form of concupiscence, it involves our need for psychological fulfillment with and in the person of another individual (love), we can step off into it gradually, it is being promoted by the agents of the devil through their domination of the mass media, it impinges upon us in immodesty of dress, it is accepted by our corrupted society as “really not too bad, not bad at all” or “not anything to get upset about,” and it is prevalent everywhere and in all sorts of forms. Under the best of circumstances a person has always to be vigilant and on his guard against falling into some form or other of sins f impurity. Today, however, a person oftentimes has to be positively heroic in order to remain virtuous. But as Our Lord has told us through the writing of St. Paul, “My grace is sufficient for thee.” (2 Cor. 12:9). Impurity is a sin for which we cannot make any accommodation in our lives. If we are not properly married, no form of sexual activity is allowed to us. And if we are properly married, the only such activity allowed is the natural sexual activity between a man and wife that is allowed to culminate, if God is willing, in the conception of a child. (The Church teaches through her moral theologians that any foreplay is allowable to a properly married couple, so long as the man culminates in the woman in the natural way.) Extra consideration has been given to this Commandment due to the fact that it claims so many souls for Hell. For impurity is common, is always mortally sinful (if fully consented to) and is easily habit-forming. 9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife. In general, we are forbidden under the Ninth Commandment to think or desire what we are forbidden to do under the Sixth Commandment. Coveting one’s neighbor’s wife includes also, by implication, of course, coveting one’s neighbor’s husband. In today’s society this is a particularly difficult commandment to keep, for most people have a vocation to be married, and all people gain a definite psychological fulfillment from members of the opposite sex. In the world today, with divorce so very common, it is not at all unusual for a man or woman to be young and “divorced” and ready and willing to “marry” again. Where the “former’ spouse usually does not care, and where society condones “remarriage” after “divorce,” it takes heroic virtue on the part of those who wish to be good to resist the temptation to desire someone who is really still married, especially when the spouse of that other person has already gone and does not care in the least, having possibly even

taken up with or “married” someone else. Yet to desire such a “divorced” person is still to “covet” one’s neighbor’s wife. An additional word, and one of encouragement, must be said in regard to people being eligible to marry after “divorce”: In today’s society, many of the marriages that have been entered into are likely to be invalid, that is, not really marriages at all, due to a defective intention on the part of one or both of the “marriage” partners (but not because of problems that came later). In particular, and as a common example of defective intention, many people today “marry” with the idea they can always get a divorce if it does not work out; however, if either or both parties do not intend the union to be permanent, they are not really married to begin with because they did not truly enter into a marriage, which requires a commitment for life. Thus, the “divorced” party from such a “marriage” will actually never have been married at all. Also, many people “marry” those who are “divorced” (i.e.,, still truly married in the eyes of God, though having a piece of paper from the court saying they are single); therefore, the single partner to such an arrangement has never rally been married because marriage can only be contracted between unmarried persons. If, therefore, one should become interested in a “divorced” person, it is imperative to discover right from the start whether that person was ever actually married or not, and the only truly competent judges in these matters are Catholic priests, who are the only people properly trained in the theology of marriage; they also have a special grace received from the Sacrament of Holy Orders (whereby they become priests), which helps them discern the truth in such pastoral matters. Moreover, only the Catholic Church has the authority to pronounce on the validity or invalidity of a marriage, individual priests, however, have no power to render an official judgement in a marriage case on behalf of the Catholic Church. This right belongs only to the Church herself, which employs an official “Marriage Tribunal” or Court to render this type of decision. Because marriage is a complex contract between the consenting man and woman, only a person who is competently trained in the theology of marriage can really give sound advice in regard to the possible eligibility for marriage of those who were “married” before. But for the person who wants to be good and to act according to God’s law, it is essential to determine the truth about the marriageability of a prospective spouse right from the start, before emotional involvement sets in and the single person finds himself or herself in a dead-end relationship with a person who is still actually married. (Just practical wisdom would warn that the other party may indeed not be the best person, even under ideal and legitimate circumstances, for us to marry, but rather may represent a test from Almighty God to prove whether or not we love Him. If we can resist the temptation, there is a great likelihood that, as a blessing from Almighty God for having followed His law, a different and much better choice of mate will be presented to us, a spouse with whom we will be able to live in peace of conscience and with whom we will be much happier.) Under the Ninth Commandment, Catholic moralists generally also include, as stated above, all desires to commit unchaste acts, that is, desires to commit all acts forbidden under the Sixth Commandment. Any conscious and willful pleasure taken in thoughts of unchaste acts (i.e.,, immoral sexual acts) is itself a mortal sin. This was Our Lord’s meaning when He said, “But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:28). Some may ask what harm just thinking about these things will do. But it is obvious that entertaining unchaste desires corrupts the heart of a person and leads him to violate the law of God interiorly, which is where all sin stems from anyway.

The Third of the Seven Capital Sins

3. Lust is the desire to express our sexual promptings in an illicit way. The only morally correct expression of our sexual faculty is within marriage, between husband and wife, and that only in a manner that does not preclude conception of children, that is, when sexual relations are performed in the natural manner, without use of artificial birth control, and which under normal circumstances could lead to the conception of a child. Any other type of sexual activity is sinful, and in the study of morality it is called impurity, whether it be in thought, word or action. As mentioned in the discussion of the Sixth Commandment of God, impurity tends to blind the sinner to the implications of what he or se is doing. Those who engage in fornication, for example, defile themselves, stimulate their sexual appetite (which will not long be satisfied), and run the risk of procreating a child whom they usually are not ready or willing or able to support and who will be hurt by their action the rest of his life. But such a sinner is blind to all this ad is impelled by his or her lust to achieve satisfaction at any price. St. Paul says of sins of impurity, “Let it not so much as be named among you.” (Eph. 5:3). We can commit sins of lust in the mind, with the eyes, by touch, with pictures, by ourselves, with others, even in marriage (if the desire or action is not properly oriented). Because our sexual nature is part of ourselves and with us at all times, it is something that we must continually battle in order to keep in check. As mentioned earlier, sins of impurity (lust) are considered by the great theologians and Doctors of the Church to cause the loss of more souls than any other form of sin.

The way to achieve purity is through modesty in dress, modesty of the eyes, modesty in our speech, modesty in not listening to lewd stories, modesty in our thoughts, great care in our entertainment (television, movies, plays, books, magazines, pictures, night clubs, the beach, etc.), precaution in not being alone too long with a member of the opposite sex, absolutely avoiding impure people, having recourse continually to prayer to possess the virtue of purity, especially invoking the aid of the Blessed Mother and St. Joseph, being constant in our prayers, frequenting the Sacraments, being constant and unrelenting in our determination to avoid or overcome all impurity at whatever price, resorting to prayer immediately upon being tempted, and always having a complete distrust of our strength in resisting temptations against purity, knowing that sexual activity is “ natural” to mankind and that it is gratifying to our nature to give in to this vice. Because sins of impurity are all mortal sins, and because the near occasion of sins of impurity will almost inevitably lead us to commit them, it is imperative t avoid the near occasion of sins of impurity. Almost always, placing ourselves in the near occasion of sins of impurity (i.e.,, those persons, places, or things which have led us into sin of impurity before and/or which are a strong temptation to us) is itself going to be a mortal sin. Therefore, whether it means turning off the T.V. or leaving a movie early, whether it means avoiding the company of certain people or not picking up a particular magazine, whether it means discontinuing an otherwise fascinating book or getting up and doing something different to interrupt an impure train of thought, we should realized that, when confronted by temptations to sins of lust or impurity, we should always act swiftly to get ourselves out of the near occasion of these sins. If we do so, we will avoid these sins; if we do not, we shall commit them. As Scriptures say, “He that loveth danger shall perish in it.” (Ecclesiasticus 3:27). Common Mortal Sins

Birth Control: One of the most common mortal sins committed today is artificial birth control. It is committed by both the married and the single. This sin frustrates God’s plan for new people to be brought into the world so that they can eventually go to Heaven. It is primarily a grievous offense against God, His law, and His Providence; but it also hurts society because it deprives society of new members, who are necessary to replace those who die; plus, it harms the people who practice it. Birth control harms the unmarried because it allows them to continue in the mortal sin of fornication without the normal result of children. If artificial birth control were not available to sexually promiscuous single people, children would soon be born to their unholy alliance, which fact would very likely lead them to marriage or to discontinue their relationship. In either event, with a baby or babies on their hands, they would soon become “other-oriented,” and new life would have come into the world, fulfilling at least the first part of God’s plan for the birth ad rearing of children. But with artificial means of birth control being available, such sinners continue in their sin, oftentimes during the complete child-bearing years of the woman (and beyond), such that they never have the children God intended them to have, and they end up in middle and old age without a family to succor and support them and with only a well-entrenched vice as the byproduct of their sin, a vice that will surely take them to Hell if they do not renounce it with true repentance before they die.

Artificial birth control harms the married who practice it because the whole orientation of their marriage is shifted from accepting God’s plan of love, self-sacrifice, babies, new people for society, new saints for Heaven, joy and peace for the couple, a contented old age, and prosperity for society…to their own miserable plan of “wealth” and “happiness” in this world, a piling up of luxuries and selfish pleasures and the very great risk of divorce. (After all, those who use the privilege of marriage but avoid children are basically living for their own pleasures, and when trouble arises in their marriage, as it does in almost all marriages, what is more logical to the self-indulgent than to continue to seek their own pleasure by getting divorced? Are not the facts of the present divorce rate—one out of two marriages here in the U.S.A.—proof of this claim?) So bad is the sin of artificial birth control that God, in Old Testament times, slew Onan, the grandson of Jacob and the son of Juda, for practicing this sin. Let us read this episode as recorded in Genesis:

“At that time Juda went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Odollamite, named Hiras. And he

saw there the daughter of a man of Chanaan, called Sue: and taking her to wife, he went in unto her. And she

conceived, and bore a son, and called his name Her. And conceiving again, she bore a son, and called him Onan.

She bore also a third: whom she called Sela. After whose birth, she ceased to bear any more. And Juda took a wife

for Her his firstborn, whose name was Thamar. And Her, the firstborn of Juda, was wicked in the sight of the Lord:

and was slain by him. Juda therefore said to Onan his son: Go in to thy brother’s wife and marry her, that thou

mayst raise seed to thy brother. He, knowing that the children should not be his, when he went in to his brother’s

wife, spilled his seed upon the ground, lest children should be born in his brother’s name. And therefore the Lord

slew him, because he did a detestable thing.” –Genesis 38:1-10. It is a common misconception among non-Catholics (and even among some Catholics) that the prohibition against artificial birth control is a man-made Church REGULATION. The fact, however, is that artificial birth control violates what is called in philosophy the “Natural Law,” that is, the law which God built into nature when He created it, and which man’s mind can understand with his reason unaided by divine revelation. The Popes—Paul VI in Human Life (Humanae Vitae), 1969 and Pius XI in Christian Marriage (Casti Canubii), 1930—have pointed out this fact. The Catholic Church, in condemning artificial birth control, is simply upholding God’s law, the Natural Law, as he incorporated it into the very nature of the things He created. It is extremely easy for the mind of man to understand that God created sexual relations in such a manner that when naturally performed and culminated this activity will produce babies (if one of the parties is not sterile) and that the purpose of this activity, as God created

it, is in fact to produce babies! It is very easy for our minds to comprehend that when we perform the procreative act just to please ourselves and use some means to prevent the conception of a child (or its normal growth to term), we are by this artificial birth control committing an unnatural act and thereby frustrating the plan which God created for children to be born. We are going against God’s will, opposing our wills to His! (Artificial birth control is analogous to the perverted practice of eating and then purposely disgorging the meal—thus seeking the pleasure, but rejecting the purpose of the act.) With birth control so common a practice today, it may not occur to the minds of those who practice this sin that it is grievously (mortally) sinful in the eyes of God, but it is, as witnessed by God’s slaying Onan in the episode from Genesis cited above. The pharisaical, in regard to this episode from Genesis, argue that the Lord slew Onan because he would not follow what is called the “Levirate law,” a strictly Hebrew custom (requiring a man to raise up children in his brother’s name if his brother died childless) and not because he “spilled his seed upon the ground” (a primitive form of birth control called coitus interruptus, or “withdrawal”) and because he thereby violated God’s law. The foolishness of this opinion is obvious: Would God slay a human being for failure to follow a strictly Hebrew law of custom? What kind of God would He be to behave in such a capricious manner? It is obvious that Onan was slain for violating God’s law with regard to procreation; he was going through the motions of the procreative act, and yet he was not cooperating in God’s plan for new people to be born, and therefore God slew him as an example to us. It might well be asked, “Why is there only this one powerful condemnation of birth control in the Bible? Why are there not other passages in Scripture as well?” The answer to this objection is threefold: First, how many people does the Lord have to slay in order to get our attention and make us acknowledge the wrongfulness of this sin? Second, how would there be a “test” for us in this life if God made the obvious ridiculous in regard to this sin by killing many people who engage in this act. And third, the Bible does record other references to birth control, but more in the form of abortion and infanticide, for the refined techniques of birth control available to modern man were totally unknown in biblical times. Witness: “And it was not enough for them to err about the knowledge of God…for…they sacrifice their own children [infanticide]…so that now they neither keep life [abortion], nor marriage undefiled.” (Wis. 14:22-24). Abortion: Under the Fifth Commandment abortion-murder today is obviously a very common mortal sin. In the United States it is estimated that just over one million 500 thousand children are killed by abortion-murder every year. Worldwide, the figure is estimated at 25 million per year! Abortion-murder as it is practiced today flows directly out of the birth control mentality and is really a heinous form of birth control. That abortion is a common sin does not make it any the less serious for the persons committing it. That we call this sin “abortion” does not make it any the less a case of murder, which is specifically forbidden by the Fifth Commandment: “Thou shalt not kill!” (Exodus 20:13). Tubal ligation and vasectomy: In the genre of birth control sins, tubal ligation and vasectomy for birth control purposes are also mortal sins. These are not only mortal sins of artificial birth control (and therefore in violation of the Sixth Commandment), but they are sins against the Fifth Commandment of God as well, which prohibits self-mutilation. (With regard to the Sixth Commandment in general and the whole issue of sexuality and chastity, it is God who has provided us with the sexual faculty, and we are to utilize it only in the marital state. And only that use is legitimate which is done in a natural manner that will allow the conception of children to result. Any other use of the sexual faculty is a mortal sin, “materially speaking”; it is a mortal sin “formally speaking” if the person knows in his heart or has been informed that it is a mortal sin.)

Adultery: Sexual relations between a man and a woman who are not man and wife, and at least one of whom is married to someone else, is called adultery. This is the sin expressly forbidden by the Sixth Commandment. (By implication, of course, the Commandment also covers all sins against purity as well.) The evil of adultery is that it is a fundamental violation of the integrity of the marital relationship, is a grave act of injustice against one’s spouse, jeopardizes the continuance of the family, leads to divorce, risks the birth of an illegitimate child, not infrequently leads to murder, and generally perpetuates itself until some additional dire consequence finally occurs. To the would-be adulterer the warning of Scripture surely fits: “He that troubleth his own house, shall inherit the winds.” (Prov. 11:29). Further, adulterers have all the same problems as fornicators with regard to committing additional sins to keep their relationship secret and to try to avoid the birth of children. (See below, under “Fornication.”) Adultery is always a mortal sin because it is always a grievous offense against the Law of God. Nor can the adulterer really plead ignorance of the Law as an excuse—if for no other reason than because he realizes all the severe repercussions that will occur if the offended mate discovers the adultery. Fornication: Sexual relations between a man and woman who are not married is called fornication. This sin too is always mortal because it is a grievous offense against the law of God. Fornication without the additional sin of artificial birth control will usually lead fairly soon to the birth of a child out of wedlock, a child whom the sinning parents are usually not ready to receive. Children come into the world as helpless creatures, who for many years need the constant care of the mother and the financial support of the father, not to mention the early religious instruction and training in good character which are so necessary in a person’s childhood. The fornicator has not thought this through, or if he has, he (or she) chooses to disregard these facts. But in our time, most people who commit fornication resort either to artificial birth control to avoid children—which is a worse sin than the fornication, because it is an unnatural act—or to abortion, which is a particularly heinous murder, as discussed earlier. Thus, fornicators (like adulterers) compound their sins. They often become liars besides, to conceal what they have done. And further, once this sin is committed, they generally continue to commit it, oftentimes with more than one partner. The end of it all is some combination of sorrow over losing their virginity, a feeling of being trapped, premature responsibilities, wounding their parents, the (at least partial) wasting of their lives, success and fortunes, and terrible regrets—a high price to pay in this world for a certain ticket to Hell in the next—if one lets this sin go unrepented. Incest: Sexual relations between members of the same family is called incest. It is a particularly terrible type of adultery or fornication because it involves the breach of a most sacred trust by a father, brother, uncle, etc. This sin brings the child into intimate contact with moral corruption and takes away his or her most precious possessions, innocence and virginity. Plus, it generally corrupts the child, causes tremendous psychological damage, and gravely disorients him so that it is very difficult for him to come to proper maturity and an appreciation of chastity. Furthermore, the entire family where incest is carried on becomes disrupted. Those who practice this sin or who are tempted to it should recall Our Lord’s words: “But he that shall scandalize one of these little ones that believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone should be hanged about his neck, and that he should be drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matt. 18:6). Of course God is infinitely merciful and can and will forgive any sin, including incest, but one should avoid it if tempted and cease immediately if involved in it. For the spiritual debt (temporal punishment) attendant to this sin will be very great. Rape: Rape is sexual relations forced upon one person by another. Usually, this involves the natural form of sexual activity, and it is always mortally sinful because it involves several grave matters. Rape is also a serious crime in civil law, and a fairly common occurrence in our modern (now almost Godless) society. Usually, it involves a man forcing his evil desires upon a woman. Younger men in particular must be on guard against this sin, which is the byproduct of an unbridled nature in which impurity, self-will, violence and pride have overpowered right reason. This sin is very often fueled by pornographic books, magazines, movies and videos, which everyone has an obligation to avoid. But further, there even exists some rather well-known literature in which rape is mentioned and almost extolled, because it demonstrates (misguidedly, of course) what would parade as the virtues of masculinity, strength and decisiveness in our present social context where men have consistently been portrayed as weak and simpering. But the reality is that rape is particularly wicked because it does great moral violence to the offended person and usually inflicts psychological damage that often lasts a lifetime. Plus, it often leads to physical injury and death for the victim. Rape might well be called the ultimate impurity, for the rapist lets nothing stand in the way of his

determination to have satisfaction. Those tempted to this sin should realize that in the Old Testament, rape was punishable by death, so serous is this sin and crime. Anyone tempted tot his sin should realize that he has allowed himself to come to the brink of being totally out of control of himself, and he should seek the counsel of a holy priest on how to channel and bring into submission his sexual desires, for this dreadful sin—terribly grievous in itself—almost always leads very quickly to other tragedy. Concubinage or “living together”: People today often “live together” in a marital-type relationship with a friend of the opposite sex. The slang expressions for this sin are “shacking up,” “living in,” “living together.” St. Paul calls it “chambering.” “Let us walk honestly, as in the day: not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and impurities, not in contention and envy: But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh and its concupiscences.” (Rom. 13:13-14, emphasis added). Were it not for the common practice of artificial birth control, such “living in” or living together would be called common-law marriage, for children would soon be the result of such relationships. But people today most often do not think of these “live-in” relationships as permanent, and therefore they are merely the mortal sin of fornication, usually with the added moral sins of birth control and/or abortion and scandal to compound the guilt. Illicit sexual liaisons have been with man since the beginning of time, but they always have been mortally sinful, and they still are. Those tempted to engage in the sinful sexual relationship of “living together” should realize they will be entering a moral quagmire, for soon many of the normal marital bonds develop in their relationship—physical, emotional and financial ties form; habits and interdependences take root; the relationship solidifies, binding the two people in some respects as though they were married and drastically weakening their ability to terminate their sinful union. But still, the relationship is NOT marriage, and it is a scandal to others. “Live-in” fornication and adultery, even when they ape marriage by carrying many of the trappings of marriage, remain just that and will never be anything different in the eyes of God, whose law is being broken. People who enter such a relationship are just kidding themselves if they think it is not sinful. “No fornicator, or unclean, or covetous person (which is a serving of idols) hath inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” (Eph. 5:5). Again, the passage on scandal: “And whoever shall scandalize one of these little ones that believe in me; it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.” (Mark 9:41; also, cf. Matt. 18:6 and Luke 17:2). (To scandalize is to do something wrong that is likely to induce someone else to do something morally wrong. It is obvious that couples living together have caused widespread scandal to others, for this sin is now pretty much accepted in society; whereas, it used to be recognized as the serious sin it is.) Masturbation: Covered also under the Sixth Commandment, masturbation (the sin of impurity committed with one’s own body) is one of the most common of mortal sins. Yet because this sin is very common, especially in developing boys, many want to dismiss it as a venial sin at worst, and some would even say it is no sin at all. Psychologists, for example, will claim that it is simply a normal part of growing up. However, the Church has always taught that masturbation is gravely (mortally) sinful, and St. Thomas Aquinas, the greatest theologian in the history of the Catholic Church, tells us that masturbation is an even worse mortal sin than fornication, because masturbation is unnatural. Homosexual acts: And if masturbation is worse than fornication because it is contrary to nature, then homosexual acts are even worse yet, because they are a far worse perversion and involve a second party; they are in one sense more difficult to overcome because there is a second party to tempt a person to sin again and again; and they steadily contaminate more and more victims, as homosexuals spread their perversion to those not previously infected. Impure thoughts and desires: Among sexual sins, a very common mortal sin is willfully taking pleasure in impure thoughts and desires, that is, thoughts and desires of sexual actions other than those legitimate acts between one’s self and one’s marriage partner. (Even these latter thoughts and desires are dangerous, because they could lead to some kind of impure sexual act, alone or with another who is not one’s marriage partner.) With regard to impure thoughts, we should always remember the warning of Our Lord: “Whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:28). And with regard to married people’s mentally dwelling upon the delights of their sexual activities, they should remember the advice of St. Paul: “That they also who have wives, be as if they had none.” (I Cor. 7:29).

Immodesty in Dress: Anyone tempted to or engaging in immodesty of dress should ponder the following passages of Scripture and consider how they relate to the sin of immodesty: “But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:28). “Do not err: neither fornicators . . . nor adulterers . . . shall possess the Kingdom of God.” (1 Cor. 6:9-10). “Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Gen. 4:9). Modesty, especially in dress, is a virtue cultivated among Catholics knowledgeable in their faith because of the teaching of the Church that to take pleasure in impure thoughts is a mortal sin. Despite the fact that the current “Women’s Liberation Movement” (promoted so universally by the mass media) would seem to want to blur the distinction between men and women, the Bible says, “And God created man to his own image: to the image of God he created him: male and female he created them.” (Gen. 1:27, emphasis added). Now the male is by nature the “aggressor,” so to speak, the initiator, the forward one, in the male-female relationship. And a man is amorously attracted to a woman largely by sight in the initial stages; also, his initial sexual interest is triggered largely by looking at a woman. If, therefore, a woman is immodestly dressed, a man’s amorous inclinations can quickly develop into thoughts of lust, and therefore, women have an especially grave obligation to dress modestly. By nature, a woman likes to adorn herself so that she is attractive, and it is this very fact that does attract men. But it is sinful for a woman to dress immodestly and merely say to herself that men do not have to look at her if they are going to be thinking evil thoughts. Of a given occasion a woman’s immodesty may not bother some men (for a number of possible reasons), but in most cases, human nature being fallen as it is, the man will look at the woman’s immodesty, and the woman’s immodesty WILL be a danger to his purity of thought. Therefore, women who dress immodestly, or who are tempted to do so, should remember the murderer Cain’s taunting question to God, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Gen. 4:9). If a man’s willful impure thoughts toward a woman (“lusting after her”) is a mortal sin because he “hath already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28), then what sort of sin does the immodest woman commit who has been the occasion of these impure thoughts in a man by her immodesty, especially where it is purposeful and willful? Is she not also a murderer of sorts—one who at least helps to kill the life of grace in the soul of the man who lusts after her? The Church teaches that impure thoughts willfully taken pleasure in are mortal sins. Therefore, for a woman purposefully to dress immodestly where she will be seen by men is, materially speaking, a mortal sin, i.e.,, the deed itself is the matter of mortal sin. Of course, whether she actually commits a mortal sin (formally), i.e.,, in her heart, will surely depend upon her level of realization about the serious problems to purity her immodesty causes men. But surely too, God will to some degree at least hold her culpable for the impurity of thought, desire and even action that she helps to cause, and very possibly she will be committing a mortal sin, depending on the degree of her immodesty and the level of her awareness about the effects of her immodesty upon men. As there are some realities about the feminine nature that men will never fully understand—because they never experience those things—so with impurity of thought in men induced by immodesty in women; it is something women will never fully appreciate because it is not within the realm of their experience. Therefore, women should take serious heed in this matter strictly on what they are told about it, because immodesty is something God will hold women accountable for. The crucial question in any discussion of modesty, of course, is what exactly constitutes modesty for women. One can only speak in terms of general principles, and these will depend upon the occasion: whether it be normal daily activity, sports, swimming, etc. In general, the principles are these: 1) That clothing should tend to conceal rather than reveal; 2) that clothing should not be transparent; 3) that women’s legs should be covered at least to just below the knees (this would apply in particular to normal daily activity); 4) that women should avoid sleeveless dresses and blouses; 5) that sheer, tight clothing should be avoided altogether; 6) that under most circumstances a woman should avoid wearing slacks and that when necessity may dictate their use that they should be loose-fitting rather than tight-fitting; and 7) that the neckline should not be less than two fingers’ width below the pit of the throat. By contemporary standards, such norms will be ludicrous to most women because our secular society makes immodesty in women a commonplace by the manufacture and promotion of immodest fashions. We must remember, however, that we are speaking here about true morality—about God’s law and not man’s customs or preferences. Yet if those parts of the female anatomy are to be covered and generally concealed which are most suggestive to men, then these principles need to be followed. (These guidelines follow those laid down by the Cardinal Vicar of Pope Pius XI in 1928.) What about the beach, or sports or extremely hot weather. The general principles of modesty—especially with regard to concealing rather than revealing—still apply. A woman will have to use common sense in these cases and take some extra precautions, realizing she has a heavy responsibility in this regard. In hot weather a woman can wear a dress that is loose, light and cool and yet is still modest. At sport she can be innovative in order to be

modest, depending on the activity. For the beach she can wear some type of pullover or cover-up garment save for the time she is actually swimming. Choice of a swimming suit for women today is extremely important. Most women’s bathing suits are grossly immodest—due to being too skimpy, too tight or too sheer. A woman may have to make or provide her own combination that will be modest, but if that is what it takes to be modest she should do so. When women are at sport or at the beach, men need to prepare themselves in advance by not going there to gawk, but they should realize they will be seeing women dressed for those occasions. If they cannot avoid consenting to impure thoughts, they are duty-bound not to go to these places!

Lest this entire discussion of immodesty would appear to take no cognizance of immodesty in men and the problems it can cause to women, a word needs to be said about the man’s obligations in this regard. Men should avoid even partial nudity where women will be present. They too should avoid tight clothing, especially tight pants. Men’s shirts should be buttoned at least to within one button of the neck, and men should avoid wearing “muscle shirts” (undershirt style) and shirts that are tight and/or without sleeves. People who wish to be moral in regard to modesty should realize that worldly fashions tend to take no cognizance of modesty or morality in dress. Therefore, any reference to “fashion” when it comes to the morality of modesty is simply futile. The norms for modesty must be Christian (Christlike) and based upon the reality of human frailty, not upon what is a la mode with the fashion world. (Modern fashions are often so immodest that one could well believe there is a conspiracy afoot to foster immodesty and therefore immorality.) The person who wants to obey God’s law relative to modesty needs to realize that we all have a moral obligation with respect to our neighbor’s purity of thought and therefore an obligation not to dress in any manner which would tend to lead him into sin. Prolonged kissing, etc.: Any actions which give venereal pleasure and/or arouse the sexual passions are mortal sins for those who are not married and also for those who are who might engage in such activities with someone other than their spouses. There are some actions which by their very nature tend to cause sexual arousal in the normal person. These are always to be avoided. Some people are unusually sensitive; such people also need to avoid what for them is the near occasion of sins of impurity, though the same thing might be no problem for most others. Prolonged kisses and/or prolonged kissing is a mortal sin because it can easily arouse venereal pleasure and the sexual passions, which in turn can lead a person to commit fornication or adultery. This is particularly true of open-mouth kissing (sometimes called French kissing) wherein the participants touch tongues. This type of kissing is definitely a forerunner to sexual relations and is a mortal sin for those not married to each other, even if it does not of a given instance lead to intercourse. The same is true of fondling or petting, that is, caressing the sensitive parts of the other person’s body. This too, is a preliminary to intercourse and is strictly forbidden to those not married to each other. The same is true of prolonged embraces and embracing, even though this might appear to cause only a very mild sexual-type pleasure and to be not very stimulating. Nonetheless, when done for more than a few seconds (as occurs in a hug from one’s mother or father or a relative) it can lead to venereal pleasure and arousing of the passions and/or to other sexual foreplay and is therefore a mortal sin. Also, dancing while holding the other person in contact with one’s body is a mortal sin because it is nothing other than prolonged, intimate embracing, but it also has the added stimulus of rhythm, music and motion. Some may contend that it just gives them a “romantic feeling,” but such a “romantic feeling” can easily develop into venereal pleasure; plus, what might be “romantic” to one of the dance partners may be a serious sin to the other. Dancing per se is not sinful, but this type of dancing is. Here again, we should recall the warning of Scripture, “He that loveth danger shall perish in it.” (Ecclesiasticuc 3:27). Prolonged holding of hands could even be mortally sinful, depending on whether or not it arouses those who do it. For a reasonably short period of time it is generally no sin at all, for most people, on most occasions. For some, however, depending on their sensitivity and other factors, it may have to be avoided altogether. Here each person will have to have the honesty to judge the matter for himself. Let us repeat, for the sake of absolute clarity, for most

people, on most occasions, there is no problem with holding hands for short periods of time, and the practice is merely a common and morally acceptable sign of love or affection. But for some it can be an occasion of sin and must be avoided; for others, it can sometimes be an occasion of sin and should therefore at that time be discontinued or avoided. The principle involved in all the actions mentioned above is that one must strictly avoid seeking or accepting what is called “venereal pleasure,” i.e.,, sexual pleasure (usually connected with the touching ob bodies), which is strictly reserved to those who are married to each other. For sexual foreplay carries these pleasures with it, and as mentioned earlier, is essentially ordered to and in fact often leads to intercourse, which in its turn is essentially

ordered to and soon (under normal circumstances) results in the conception of a child. And only the married are actually in a position to take on the responsibilities attendant to being parents. Sex, the Church maintains, and as can be seen from common-sense reasoning, is really all one activity; the preliminary actions are not isolated from the final act. Sexual activity is like a steep, slippery decline that leads swiftly to a sheer cliff, where the decline represents sexual foreplay and the cliff sexual intercourse. If one intends to avoid the latter, he must avoid the former. They are inexorably united. Even if a person does not intend to engage in sexual intercourse, and even if he does not in fact engage in

sexual intercourse, he still commits a mortal sin when he willfully takes any step toward sexual intercourse by

engaging in any of the above-mentioned actions. Because sex is all one connected activity, to engage in any part of

it with someone other than one’s spouse is a mortal sin. The immature, uninformed and naïve may think that the Catholic position regarding sexual foreplay is Puritanical or prudish, but it is not. It is simply realistic. It is based upon an accurate understanding of God’s law and of fallen human nature; the Catholic position comprehends what will almost certainly occur (if not right away, then in time) to people who flirt with danger by engaging in any of the sexual foreplay mentioned above. No one will deny that such things are pleasant. God so constituted us to enjoy them in order to insure the propagation of the race, but He placed sex in the framework of love and marriage so that the immortal souls born to a man and woman will have the mother and father they need to rear and educate them. The sinful participants in such preliminary activities may think that they are not committing mortal sins and/or that they are not going to end up having intercourse, but invariably it will happen. Avoiding the near occasion of this type of sin is essential to avoiding the sins themselves. (Again, the “near occasion of sin” is any person, place, thing or idea that is likely to lead one into sin.) Young couples in love have to be particularly careful not to fall into such sins. Double dating, not being alone together for very long (especially in a house or apartment), and avoiding in general all situations that can lead to these sins will help people avoid them. Prayer, the Sacraments and mutual cooperation to avoid these sins are essential to those who are dating with the serious intention of getting married, in order to help them be pure. To avoid sins of impurity, it is good not to have too long an engagement time before marriage. And it is definitely best to terminate a relationship with a member of the opposite sex when one is sure it will not lead to marriage. The world does not see matters in this clear light but judges, rather, that all people have an inherent right to sexual pleasure and to do whatever is necessary to avoid the conception and/or birth of children. Such attitudes are exhibited openly in the movies and the mass media, but they are opposed to God’s law, and they lead those who engage in promiscuous sexual activity to all manner of problems and profound unhappiness in this life and to the eternal misery of Hell, if they should die with these sins unrepented on their souls. Sinners live under the grand delusion that they can somehow fool God and avoid being penalized even in this life by the very sins they commit. But hear what Scripture has to say on this score: “Be not deceived, God is not mocked. For what things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap.” (Gal. 6:7-8). “But the wicked shall be punished according to their own devices: who have neglected the just, and have revolted from the Lord.” (Wisdom 3:10). Pornography: The reading or viewing of pornographic materials would constitute the near occasion to sins of impurity and would therefore be in itself a mortal sin, since all sins of impurity are mortal sins if committed with knowledge and full consent. Nor can we claim in favor of our actions that the book, magazine or movie has other redeeming qualities that offset the pornographic part which is objectionable. For what possible redeeming quality can there be to offset the eternal loss of one’s soul? And who can say that he will get past the indecent part of the book, magazine or motion picture without being moved to sin, and/or as a result, without becoming habitually corrupted? Again, even if one were able to avoid sins of impurity despite the near occasions of those sins that pornography carries with it, what about others who might read or view the pornographic materials we own? If they were to sin through viewing these materials, we would have contributed to their sin simply by our owning and making available such things to them. Further, if we buy pornography, we are to that extent supporting the pornographic publisher and thereby enabling him to that extent to subvert others as well. The near occasion of mortal sin: any person, place, thing or thought that we know will easily lead us into mortal sin must be avoided, lest in fact it does lead us to commit a mortal sin. The Catholic Church calls such extrinsic and intrinsic situations which are likely to lead us to commit a sin the “near (or proximate) occasions of sin.” Because mortal sin is absolutely the worst evil and because just one mortal sin is sufficient to condemn a person to Hell (if he dies with it unrepented upon his soul), then for a person purposely to expose himself to the near occasion of any

mortal sin is itself a mortal sin! The only exception to these would be in case of a sufficiently grave necessity, e.g. a male doctor examining or operating on a beautiful woman.

Particularly common and extremely powerful and seductive are the ear occasions to sins of impurity. This might be another person, a certain place, an immoral movie, a suggestive television program, an involuntary thought that just “popped” into the mind, etc.—anything that might lead us to commit sins of impurity (which are always mortal). But there are near occasions to other mortal sins as well. For example, for a person who often gambles to excess, it could be going to the game or the track, or maybe even associating with someone who wants him to go there. For the person prone to drunkenness, it might be the tavern or the night club where he likes to go with his friends, or even just being with the friends themselves who like to go there with him and will tempt him to do so. We must avoid the near occasion of mortal sin if we are to be honest with God and with ourselves—especially if we have already fallen into certain mortal sins previously because a particular near occasion to those sins has led us into them. (Of course, we are actually obligated to avoid the near occasions of venial sin as well as mortal sin, but in this chapter we are concentrating on common mortal sins, that type of sin which will send us to Hell if we die with it unrepented on our soul.) We must acknowledge that we are weak and that prudent precautions are essential to avoiding sin. With regard to the near occasion of mortal sin, we should keep ever before our minds the Scripture passages: “He that loveth danger shall perish in it.” (Ecclesiaticus 3:27). And, “Pride goeth before destruction: and the spirit is lifted up before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18). If we will remain humble and sufficiently distrustful of ourselves, such that we sedulously avoid the near occasion of mortal sin, we shall have gone a great part of the way toward overcoming the mortal sins we are prone to commit. And by taking these precautions, we show God that we are serious when we ask for His forgiveness and promise to give up our sins.

Chosen articles from “Welcome to the Catholic Church” CD-ROM Living a Christian Life Chapter 9: Marriage, Sexual Acts, And Family Life Question E: What Sexual Acts Are Appropriate for Christians? 4. Sexual Thoughts Take Their Moral Character from Sexual Acts 4. Sexual Thoughts Take Their Moral Character from Sexual Acts Sexual thoughts can refer to two diverse kinds of thing: (i) to memories, images, or perceptions that lead to sexual arousal; (ii) to thoughts of specific sexual acts that provide objects for acts of the will. i) Intentional sexual arousal is an incomplete sexual act, which has the same moral significance as the act that would complete it. Thus, intentionally to entertain any thought in order to cause or maintain sexual arousal has the same moral significance as the act in which it would culminate.

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Since the only good complete sexual act is marital intercourse, a choice to entertain thoughts tending toward any other complete sexual act is wrong in the same way that act would be. ii) Whether sexually arousing or not, thoughts of specific sexual acts can themselves become objects of the will. It is good in itself, though it can be bad as an occasion of sin, to will any good sexual act of which one thinks, for example, for anyone to approve the marital intercourse of a honeymooning couple, for those who are engaged to wish they already were married and could engage in marital intercourse, and so on. Similarly, to will any bad sexual act is a sin of thought of one or another kind (see CMP, 15.G). Since one hardly is likely to choose any incomplete sexual act without at least conditionally willing the complete act to which it would lead, a sin of thought of this kind almost always is involved in any sinful incomplete sexual act. However, a sin of thought of this kind can be committed without engaging in an incomplete sexual act. For example, without experiencing any personal arousal or satisfaction, or even wishing for it, one can intentionally approve of someone else's sexual sins.

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This sentence gave me that strictness that all intentional sexual stimulation must not be excused for it is the cause of tending to its completion. Completion can be achieved via sexual intercourse, but for me is masturbation because I have no partner. Thus impure thinking is an incomplete masturbation already or incomplete orgasm.

(C) Living a Christian Life Chapter 9: Marriage, Sexual Acts, And Family Life Question E: What Sexual Acts Are Appropriate for Christians? 7. While Subjective Factors Can Mitigate Guilt, Sex Sins Remain Serious 7. While Subjective Factors Can Mitigate Guilt, Sex Sins Remain Serious Since grave matter is not the only condition for mortal sin, not all sins intentionally violating the marital good are mortal. Sufficient reflection and full consent also are necessary (see CMP, 15.C). Therefore, even if one does something which of itself violates the marital good, it is possible that one commits only a venial sin due to lack of full consent or sufficient reflection. But their frequent absence should not be presumed, on the basis that it is hard to control sexual appetite. On the contrary, even

those enmeshed in quasi-compulsive sins of weakness should be presumed to be acting with sufficient

knowledge and freedom29

(see CMP, 17.E). And in examining one's own conscience, one must be aware that, having judged a certain matter to be grave and simultaneously having chosen to do it, one has committed a mortal sin, despite choosing reluctantly, being motivated by intense passion, and hoping, even while sinning, for the grace of repentance. Moreover, such a sin remains serious even when it is venial due to lack of sufficient reflection

and/or full consent. Though compatible with charity, like any venial sin, it still carries with it the evil

that makes sins of its kind grave: it still abuses the body and violates the marital good, still undermines

the Christian attitude toward the body and so weakens faith.30

Eventually, too, this abuse and violation are very likely to lead to mortal sins. For example, those who commit sexual sins of thought or incomplete acts, not realizing them to be grave matter, will surely be tempted to commit complete acts of masturbation, fornication, sodomy, or adultery, and almost surely will do so. Again, adolescents misled into thinking that isolated acts of masturbation are not grave matter will surely be tempted, and almost certainly will sin again and again, until a habit of yielding to unchaste desire is formed. This habit probably will lead at least to later heterosexual or homosexual sex play, if not to fornication or sodomy. In very many cases, it also will manifest itself in marriage: spouses not only will find it difficult to abstain when there is a reason to do so, but will engage in marital intercourse with seriously mixed motives, so that its power to express and nurture conjugal love will be greatly weakened. When marital difficulties arise, old habits of unchastity will reassert themselves, leading to the practice of contraception, recurrent masturbation, the use of pornography and fantasies of adultery, acts of adultery, and the marital instability and conflict which all too often end with divorce. (C) Christian Moral Principles Chapter 17: Sufficient Reflection; Sins of Weakness Question D: What three conditions define quasi-compulsive sin of weakness? 1. First, although one who sins in this way confronts the same sort of temptation repeatedly, most of the time he or she desires to avoid committing the sin. The reality of this will-not-to-sin is evidenced by some real effort. For example, the sinner goes to confession, prays, tries to avoid the occasions of sin, and in general takes steps to try to keep the temptation from arising. 2. This first condition is very important. By contrast, the sin will no longer be one of weakness if the sinner decides, when in a normal state of mind, to abandon further efforts to resist the temptation. So, for instance, a Catholic who deliberately adopts, reluctantly but more or less permanently, an

29

Thus as I’ve said I am responsible and should not be excused as incapable. 30

Even I qualify as a compulsive, my sin of masturbation is still a serious sin that I have to overcome.

alternative sexual lifestyle, knowing it to be excluded by the Church's constant and very firm teaching, is no longer a sinner through weakness. Rather, the will to do what is recognized as morally wrong is now constant. 3. Second, when the quasi-compulsive sinner through weakness experiences temptation, he or she resists at first, knowing the matter is grave and consent ought not to be given. A choice is made not to sin; there are efforts to distract attention by thinking about something else, by engaging in a suitable activity, by praying, and so on. Yet emotion is powerful enough to frustrate these efforts; attention is drawn back to the sinful possibility. In this way, the sinful possibility becomes fascinating. 4. This second condition not only makes it clear that the sin will be one of weakness but also clearly separates it from sin of the third type (described in C), where the sinner is not so experienced in struggling with and giving in to passion. The quasi-compulsive sinner has reached a kind of wavering equilibrium between a good will and a sinful will. Good will rejects the sin most of the time, but bad will gives in to it when passion is strong. Even when this sort of sinner falls into a cycle of great regularity, which discourages resistance, the transition from good will to sin is more or less prolonged, not sudden. 5. Third, this sort of sinner does not lose sight of the grave immorality of the possible act, as does the second type of sinner (described in C) who is distracted by emotion from its serious wrongness. Still, the possibilities proposed for choice do tend to become impoverished, until they might be formulated as follows: Either I can continue to struggle (seemingly indefinitely, with no victory over temptation in sight), or I can surrender to the temptation, do what is sinful now, but soon regain my normal state of mind and repent. At this point, quasi-compulsive sinners often give in to temptation, choosing to do the evil act which will satiate desire and still it. But they make their choice with the provision that afterwards they will repent, not persist in sin. 6. This third condition is especially characteristic of quasi-compulsive sin. The sinner regretfully takes a short break, as it were, from virtue, from the will to resist, and from God: "I'll be back soon, Lord." The alternative to sinning seems very bleak: endless temptation. In many cases, furthermore, and especially when the sin is in the sexual domain, the sinner is discouraged by the suspicion that a sin of thought has already been committed. Thus, although the quasi-compulsive sinner freely determines his or her self by a choice which is understood to be seriously wrong, such a person also and at the same time truly chooses to make a contrary choice--namely, to repent soon after the sin is committed. Moreover, the sinner perhaps chooses to sin now as much to escape the torment of temptation as to enjoy the satisfaction of the sinful act. 7. It is important to notice that quasi-compulsive sins of weakness, as defined by the preceding three conditions, still admit of considerable variety. Although they are motivated mainly by desire, one might also think of examples of such sins motivated by other emotions, such as hostility. As for the desires which lead to quasi-compulsive sins of weakness, often they are sexual, but desires for food, alcohol, and other drugs can also motivate sins according to this pattern. 8. Sometimes people commit sins of passion at regular intervals without any real effort to resist desire when it arises. Though they may make some gesture of repentance each time, they are not quasi-compulsive sinners through weakness, for they have no real purpose of amendment. Some persons who behave in this way probably do not commit mortal sins, even though what they do involves grave matter. Either they lack the maturity of conscience to grasp in a minimally adequate way the gravity of what they choose; or they really do act compulsively, without free choice; or, while aware that what they choose is evil in some sense, they no longer realize at the time of choice that it is contrary to moral truth. If their guilt is not genuine but is only a sense of violation of superego and social convention, their gestures of repentance might be adequate even though they have no genuine purpose of amendment. Appendix 1 considers mitigating factors in moral consciousness. Many such factors can be at work in the case of the quasi-compulsive sinner through weakness.

For example, the adolescent boy may only slightly grasp the moral foundation of his own act of faith, and may perceive the mortal sin of masturbation almost entirely in terms of a risk of punishment and an obligation to go to confession; his conscience with respect to the guilt involved might largely consist in superego guilt and self-disgust for failure to keep the rules of the Church. Moreover, his surrender to temptation might be followed almost instantly by the execution of the choice and remorse. By contrast, a mature person striving to overcome alcoholism might understand very well the intrinsic evil of self-destructive drinking and have a good insight into its sinfulness. His or her surrender to temptation might require intermediate thought and action--for example, a trip to a liquor store--and might lead to a more or less extended period of insobriety. Quasi-compulsive sins of weakness often are said to be "habits of sin." To the extent that this expression suggests regularity in pattern, it is correct. However, it can be misleading in two ways. First, classical theology would have considered a sin habitual only if one were resigned to it and committed it regularly without resisting the temptation. One who is an habitual sinner in this sense is in much worse moral and spiritual condition than the quasi-compulsive sinner, other things being equal. Second, the modern psychological notion of habit primarily applies to acts done without a definite choice in each instance. The quasi-compulsive sinner does make a choice. Therefore, much of the psychology of habit is irrelevant to his or her situation.*4 (C) Christian Moral Principles Chapter 17: Sufficient Reflection; Sins of Weakness Question F: Can the quasi-compulsive sinner through weakness simply stop sinning?31 1. The answer with respect to all sins involving grave matter must be "Yes." Otherwise, we would be faced with the absurdity of a mortal sin (which implies freedom and responsibility) which is simply inevitable (which excludes freedom and responsibility). Two things must be kept in mind to understand this point. 2. First, although quasi-compulsive sinners really do choose to do what they recognize to be grave matter, still, as was explained, someone might seem to commit such a sin yet not actually do so. In the concrete it is often difficult and sometimes impossible, even for the sinner, to know whether the conditions for mortal sin have been met. One cannot tell whether apparent quasi-compulsive sinners who continue sinning are doing all they can. Especially if effort is intensified and some progress made, there is some reason to suspect that the apparent quasi-compulsive sinner is guilty only of venial sin. 3. Second, no sinner can simply stop sinning through his or her unaided power. In our fallen condition, without grace we could not help making free choices which would be mortally sinful; alienated from God, we cannot enjoy even that fulfillment which is naturally suited to us. However, God's grace is sufficient that those united to Jesus and enjoying the gift of his Spirit can certainly choose to resist every temptation to mortal sin (see S.t., 1-2, q. 109, aa. 8-9). Catholic teaching concerning the sufficiency of grace becomes clearer if one recalls that the Christian lives by the Spirit. To be adopted as a child of God truly transforms one inwardly; one has the power of the Spirit by which to live a life worthy of a member of God's family. "No one born of God commits sin; for God's nature abides in him, and he cannot sin because he is born of God" (1 Jn 3.9).*8 4. Scripture teaches: "My grace is sufficient for you" (2 Cor 12.9). God does not demand the impossible (see Mt 11.30; 1 Jn 5.3). Those who are children of God love his Son; those who love him can keep his commandments (see Jn 14.23). God provides both the desire to do his will and the very free act by which one does it (see Phil 2.13).

31 The answer that I can simply stop could have been untrue but in time became true. Thus the answer that

I can is an objective motivator that it can really be achieved, if not today then in time.

5. The Fathers of the Church, especially St. Augustine, insist very clearly and firmly that God gives sufficient grace. "A man, helped by God, can, if he will, be without sin" (FEF 1720). "God, therefore, does not command what is impossible, but in commanding he also admonishes you to do what you are able, and to ask his help for what you are unable to do" (FEF 1795). Even the most hardened sinner is offered help enough to repent, if only the grace is accepted (see FEF 2097, 2232). A fortiori, grace must be sufficient for one who only sins through weakness. 6. The Council of Trent teaches definitively that sufficient grace is given so that mortal sin can be avoided altogether and God's commandments can truly be fulfilled (see DS 1536/804, 1568/828). To assert that someone who repeatedly commits mortal sins cannot respond to God's grace and simply stop committing them, given willingness to stop, is to deny a defined truth of faith. 7. Behavior which would be gravely sinful if freely chosen but is not gravely sinful because not freely chosen with adequate understanding of its gravity may be inevitable in Christian life. Even the upright person commits at least some venial sins which are not fully deliberate. From the very beginning of a person's life in Jesus, however, and no matter what remnants of the fallen condition of humankind or one's own past sin might remain, mortal sin is altogether avoidable. It is useful to reflect upon the question: What is the place of sin, especially sin of weakness, in Christian life? Every sort of mystique of sin must be avoided. Sin has no place in Christian life, as if mortal sin were in any way a necessary or appropriate experience or phase of development. There is never a time when it is at all suitable or in any way good for one who has been adopted as a child of God to be alienated from him. Moreover, the psychospiritual value of common experiences of sinners should not be overestimated. The intense experiences of guilt and forgiveness of those who commit quasi-compulsive sins of weakness are not in themselves conducive to the development of a genuine spiritual life. The intensity of these experiences is connected far more with the guilt of superego and social conformity than with an awareness--which is much more conceptual than emotional--of the real guilt which consists in the state of sin itself. Given these cautions, a sound principle for this reflection can be stated: God permits evil only because he can bring good out of it. Hence, even serious sin in Christian life is an occasion of some great good, often including a good to be realized in the sinner's own life (see S.t., 1-2, q. 79, a. 4). A true understanding of the guilt of sin serves as a point of departure for a more grateful and deeper love of God, just as the love of lovers reconciled after a quarrel often is deeper than before. A correct understanding of the reality of quasi-compulsive sin of weakness leads directly to genuine humility. One knows that one cannot stop sinning by oneself but certainly can with God's grace, and one therefore seeks and accepts this grace. The first principle of Alcoholics Anonymous is precisely this: I realize my life is out of control and that I need the help of a higher power. If there were no temptation to sins of weakness, many people would lack the occasion to develop beyond the levels of superego and social convention, to think seriously about what it means to live a Christian life, and to undertake to organize life in the form of personal vocational commitment. The occurrence of the temptation, even though it sometimes is consented to, thus provides an important opportunity for growth in the Christian life. Certainly, no quasi-compulsive sinner through weakness is likely to achieve a real and lasting victory over such sin, without also being helped to develop a more mature conscience and to undertake the responsibilities of Christian life at a deeper level. Those who try to make the living of the Christian life less burdensome by denying the grave sinfulness of many sexual sins are making a serious mistake. The person committing sexual sins freely, even without subjective guilt, is left at a rather infantile level of Christian existence. Such a person never will grow up spiritually, as must one who faces these sins for what they are and wins victory over them. Moreover, the sinfulness of these acts is not eliminated by its denial. Even people following such opinions in good faith experience in their spiritual lives many ill effects. These effects probably account in part for the fact that these acts are recognized as grave sins. For instance, sexual sins committed mainly for pleasure and relief of tension involve introducing and

constantly reinforcing a split between one's conscious self (which feels tension and pleasure) and one's body (which is an object used for self-gratification). This dualism of self and body is false and it leads to false beliefs and attitudes with respect to spiritual reality. For the dualist, spiritual reality either is reduced to unreality, as objects and experience divide the real, or spiritual reality is separated from the bodily and regarded as a higher and purer realm. This latter view is incompatible with the Incarnation and so is radically anti-Christian. God could have redeemed us without human cooperation. He also could have done so by the life, death, and glorification of Jesus without our cooperation. He chose, however, not to redeem us without us, evidently in order to allow us to share in the nobility of his redemptive work. This work is no less noble when we begin where we must, with ourselves. As Vatican II teaches: "Christ obeyed even at the cost of death, and was therefore raised up by the Father (cf. Phil 2.8-9). Thus he entered into the glory of his kingdom. To him all things are made subject until he subjects himself and all created things to the Father, that God may be all in all (cf. 1 Cor 15.27-28). Now, Christ has communicated this power of subjection to his disciples that they might be established in royal freedom and that by self-denial and a holy life they might conquer the reign of sin in themelves (cf. Rom 6.12). Further, he shared this power so that by serving him in their fellow men they might through humility and patience lead their brother men to that king whom to serve is to reign" (LG 36). Healed by contrition and reparation, the wounds of sin can be important powers of love and service, powers one would not wish to be without, however strongly one hates the sins whose commission occasioned their acquisition. United with our sinless Lord Jesus and with the sinners he calls us to help him save, we hope one day to stand in the Father's presence and say: Thank you, Father, for allowing us to share in your work of redemption. And to Jesus each of us should hope to say: Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to share in your work of my redemption. (C) Christian Moral Principles Chapter 17: Sufficient Reflection; Sins of Weakness Appendix 2: The gravity of quasi-compulsive sins of weakness There appear to be only three important lines of argument against the conclusion reached in question E, that sins of weakness in grave matter of the third and fourth kinds always are mortal. First, it can be argued that when sins of weakness and the need to struggle against them are considered in Scripture, in traditional pastoral practice, and in the recent teaching of the magisterium, the main point is to insist upon the necessity of the struggle and the inescapably grave guilt involved if one surrenders entirely--for example, refuses even during sober periods to seek help to overcome alcoholism. The question of the guilt of the sinner fighting the good fight but not yet winning is not directly confronted. Therefore, the argument concludes, nothing in these sources really shows that sins of weakness of the fourth type always are mortal sins. Sinners have been allowed to think of them as such, since this belief has helped them in their struggle, but the theoretical question remains open. But this line of argument implies that past pastoral practice was based either on a mistake or on deception. Neither is acceptable. The faithful were told that the choice to do certain things, even under the pressure of strong emotion, is a mortal sin. (emphasis mine) The inability of the Church as a whole to mistake God's mind and will, the certitude that what is bound on earth also is bound in heaven--this excludes mistake in a matter of this sort. A fortiori, deception is excluded; pastoral practice in the whole Church cannot have involved a noble lie told for the spiritual welfare of the faithful. If surrender to such temptations in some circumstances were not mortal sin, Christian teaching could easily have made this fact clear, and Christians could have been reassured that consistent faithfulness during normal states of mind is sufficient for salvation. Such reassurance would remove much of the fear and trembling, much of the subjective concern, from Christian life. But the contrary of such reassurance seems to be given (see Lk 9.23; 13.24; 1 Cor 9.27; Phil 2.12; 3.12-16). Anxiety

concerning salvation is opposed not by any such reassurance but rather by the assurance of hope: Since God is faithful, the seemingly impossible demands of Christian life can be met by human persons, weak in themselves but strong by the all-powerful Spirit (see Jn 14.10-18; 15.1-8; Rom 8.14-17). A second line of argument arises from reflection upon pastoral experience in the light of modern thinking about the limits of human freedom and responsibility. Many quasi-compulsive sinners go through the cycle of sin and repentance time and again, sometimes in a very regular pattern through many years. Sound and pastorally experienced moral theologians have doubted for a long time that such sinners really are alternating repeatedly between mortal sin and grace. Even fairly soon after considering the statement of Pius XII, quoted in question E, they tended to exclude the likelihood of grave guilt in at least some cases of quasi-compulsive sin of weakness.*9 The answer to this line of argument is threefold. In the first place, modern thinking about the limits of freedom and responsibility does help us see that many acts involving grave matter do not involve sufficient reflection and a definite choice. But no psychological insight shows in the least that when one really does know--at the level of moral truth, not merely superego and social convention--that a matter is grave and when one really does choose to do it, one is not really determining oneself inconsistently with charity. Many theologians apparently confused two very different questions: (1) whether the usual conditions for mortal sin are met; (2) whether these conditions are sufficient for mortal sin. Psychology and experience can throw light on the first question but not the second. Furthermore, some apparent quasi-compulsive sinners through weakness might not be committing repeated mortal sins, for the conditions might well not in fact be met, even if the sinners themselves think they are committing mortal sins. Others might not really be sinners through weakness; perhaps they have abandoned a serious struggle against sin, and carry out a pretense of struggle, putting up token resistance to temptation only to satisfy superego and social convention. Pastoral intuitions could reflect these facts without accurately interpreting them. Pastoral intuitions also could be mistaken. How can anyone know that a person cannot sin mortally and repent sincerely on a regular basis for years? Analogies with other interpersonal relationships do not necessarily hold for one's relationship with God, since in other relationships one can be endlessly ambivalent without being insincere, whereas the relationship with God is susceptible to only limited ambivalence.*10 Finally, perhaps some whose pastoral intuitions suggest to them that quasi-compulsive sinners through weakness cannot be guilty of grave sin are misled by a false assumption concerning the frustration experienced both by such sinners and by confessors committed to helping them. The false assumption is that the frustration is a sign of impossibility, and the impossibility a sign that the sin cannot be mortal. However, failure and frustration need not signify impossibility; perhaps they

signify inadequately directed effort. (emphasis mine) A third line of argument against the conclusion reached above is as follows. As has been explained (16-G), the gravity of an act depends upon its inconsistency with specific implications of one's act of faith. However, it is not easy to see how certain quasi-compulsive sins of weakness, committed as such, interfere with the life of the Church or with the carrying out of one's Christian duties. A plausible argument can be made that any sexual sin, accepted as an integral part of one's lifestyle, will have an impact incompatible with implications of faith. But, it might be suggested, at least certain quasi-compulsive sins of weakness, when specified to be the kinds of acts described in question D, should be considered light matter. In considering this suggestion, one wonders what would happen if the Church were to teach that the specific kind of act chosen in a quasi-compulsive sin of weakness is light matter--for example, that when the act of fornication was chosen as fornication now to end temptation with repentance immediately afterwards it is not the matter of grave sin. One suspects this act would become very attractive, but many who tried to commit it would not in fact meet the conditions of quasi-compulsive sin of weakness.

Beyond this, there is an intrinsic reason why such acts should not be considered light matter. As has often been pointed out, classical modern moral theology was too interested in isolated acts and insufficiently aware of the profound dynamisms of moral life. If acts are considered in their context, one can more easily see why acts gravely wrong in kind must remain so even if they are chosen as quasi-compulsive sins of weakness. The person who freely commits sexual sins in adolescence also phantasizes other sins, later continues to indulge such phantasy and begins to carry it out, approaches adulthood with adolescent attitudes toward sexuality, and never learns how to integrate sexual activity in sincere self-giving. The sexual sins of adults cannot be isolated from the sexual struggle of the adolescent, for the more obviously evil sexual sins of adulthood are an outgrowth of an inadequate or abandoned moral effort at an earlier stage. Thus, one must either maintain the entire traditional norm or accept its entire

reversal; the dynamic unity of sexual life permits no middle position. (emphasis mine) (C) Christian Moral Principles Chapter 17: Sufficient Reflection; Sins of Weakness Question E: Are all sins of weakness which meet the usual conditions for mortal sin in fact mortal sins? 15. Similarly, purpose of amendment is not a matter of speculation. One must simply decide to stop sinning. To decide this, one must believe it possible. Future sin must not be accepted as likely, for this would be to suppose that grace is insufficient or sin not a matter of free choice. Still a discouraged individual may not be able to help feeling that future sin is likely, while nevertheless having a genuine purpose of amendment. This, once more, is shown by readiness to do what is possible to deal with the occasions of sin. Even if there is some grasp upon moral truth, the mentality of apparent quasi-compulsive sinners through weakness at least involves inadequately integrated elements of superego and social convention. These are essential underlying assumptions in the proposition: I can sin now and repent shortly. This state of mind is not one of presumption contrary to the virtue of hope; as St. Thomas already pointed out, it is characteristic of sin of weakness and mitigates it (see S.t., 2-2, q. 21, a. 2, ad 3). However, to sin with an intention to repent is to gamble, and to gamble with right and wrong is to suppose that evil is a naughty deed one can repair by accepting one's spanking, or a breaking of rules one can make good by following relevant rules. Quasi-compulsive sinners through weakness must learn what mortal sin really is. Then they will see how inappropriate are their attitudes toward it. This growth in insight will open the way to instruction about the larger realities of Christian life: To overcome sin one must pursue holiness; to pursue holiness one must discern one's personal vocation and commit oneself to it. This growth in insight also is necessary if the sinner through weakness is to clarify his or her own mind concerning the sinful acts. It is important to understand the intrinsic point of the Christian norm, and the inherent meaning of its sinful violation. Moreover, most people have only a vague notion of what the conditions for mortal sin mean, and instruction on this score probably will not be grasped until it becomes personally relevant. However, when a person of sufficient age and intelligence realizes the need for it, he or she can come to understand what it means to reflect sufficiently and consent fully. In learning this, one learns more clearly what freedom and moral responsibility are. (C)

Chosen Article: PERSONA HUMANA

DECLARATION ON CERTAIN QUESTIONS CONCERNING SEXUAL ETHICS

I

According to contemporary scientific research, the human person is so profoundly affected by sexuality that it must be considered as one of the factors which give to each individual's life the principal traits that distinguish it. In fact it is from sex that the human person receives the characteristics which, on the biological, psychological and spiritual levels, make that person a man or a woman, and thereby largely condition his or her progress towards maturity and insertion into society. Hence sexual matters, as is obvious to everyone, today constitute a theme frequently and openly dealt with in books, reviews, magazines and other means of social communication.

In the present period, the corruption of morals has increased, and one of the most serious indications of this corruption is the unbridled exaltation of sex. Moreover, through the means of social communication and through public entertainment this corruption has reached the point of invading the field of education and of infecting the general mentality.

In this context certain educators, teachers and moralists have been able to contribute to a better understanding and integration into life of the values proper to each of the sexes; on the other hand there are those who have put forward concepts and modes of behavior which are contrary to the true moral exigencies of the human person. Some members of the latter group have even gone so far as to favor a licentious hedonism.

As a result, in the course of a few years, teachings, moral criteria and modes of living hitherto faithfully preserved have been very much unsettled, even among Christians. There are many people today who, being confronted with widespread opinions opposed to the teaching which they received from the Church, have come to wonder what must still hold as true.

II

The Church cannot remain indifferent to this confusion of minds and relaxation of morals. It is a question, in fact, of a matter which is of the utmost importance both for the personal lives of Christians and for the social life of our time.[1]

The Bishops are daily led to note the growing difficulties experienced by the faithful in obtaining knowledge of wholesome moral teaching, especially in sexual matters, and of the growing difficulties experienced by pastors in expounding this teaching effectively. The Bishops know that by their pastoral charge they are called upon to meet the needs of their faithful in this very serious matter, and important documents dealing with it have already been published by some of them or by episcopal conferences. Nevertheless, since the erroneous opinions and resulting deviations are continuing to spread everywhere, the Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the

Faith, by virtue of its function in the universal Church[2] and by a mandate of the Supreme Pontiff, has judged it necessary to publish the present Declaration.

III

The people of our time are more and more convinced that the human person's dignity and vocation demand that they should discover, by the light of their own intelligence, the values innate in their nature, that they should ceaselessly develop these values and realize them in their lives, in order to achieve an ever greater development.

In moral matters man cannot make value judgments according to his personal whim: "In the depths of his conscience, man detects a law which he does not impose on himself, but which holds him to obedience. . . . For man has in his heart a law written by God. To obey it is the very dignity of man; according to it he will be judged."[3]

Moreover, through His revelation God has made known to us Christians His plan of salvation, and He has held up to us Christ, the Savior and Sanctifier, in His teaching and example, as the supreme and immutable Law of life: "I am the light of the world; anyone who follows Me will not be walking in the dark, he will have the light of life."[4]

Therefore there can be no true promotion of man's dignity unless the essential order of his nature is respected. Of course, in the history of civilization many of the concrete conditions and needs of human life have changed and will continue to change. But all evolution of morals and every type of life must be kept within the limits imposed by the immutable principles based upon every human person's constitutive elements and essential relations - elements and relations which transcend historical contingency.

These fundamental principles, which can be grasped by reason, are contained in "the Divine Law - eternal, objective and universal - whereby God orders, directs and governs the entire universe and all the ways of the human community, by a plan conceived in wisdom and love. Man has been made by God to participate in this law, with the result that, under the gentle disposition of Divine Providence, he can come to perceive ever increasingly the unchanging truth."[5] This Divine Law is accessible to our minds.

IV

Hence, those many people are in error who today assert that one can find neither in human nature nor in the revealed law any absolute and immutable norm to serve for particular actions other than the one which expresses itself in the general law of charity and respect for human dignity. As a proof of their assertion they put forward the view that so-called norms of the natural law or precepts of Sacred Scripture are to be regarded only as given expressions of a form of particular culture at a certain moment of history.

But in fact, Divine Revelation and, in its own proper order, philosophical wisdom, emphasize the authentic exigencies of human nature. They thereby necessarily manifest the existence of

immutable laws inscribed in the constitutive elements of human nature and which are revealed to be identical in all beings endowed with reason.

Furthermore, Christ instituted His Church as "the pillar and bulwark of truth."[6] With the Holy Spirit's assistance, she ceaselessly preserves and transmits without error the truths of the moral order, and she authentically interprets not only the revealed positive law but "also . . . those principles of the moral order which have their origin in human nature itself"[7] and which concern man's full development and sanctification. Now in fact the Church throughout her history has always considered a certain number of precepts of the natural law as having an absolute and immutable value, and in their transgression she has seen a contradiction of the teaching and spirit of the Gospel.

V

Since sexual ethics concern fundamental values of human and Christian life, this general teaching equally applies to sexual ethics. In this domain there exist principles and norms which the Church has always unhesitatingly transmitted as part of her teaching, however much the opinions and morals of the world may have been opposed to them. These principles and norms in no way owe their origin to a certain type of culture, but rather to knowledge of the Divine Law and of human nature. They therefore cannot be considered as having become out of date or doubtful under the pretext that a new cultural situation has arisen.

It is these principles which inspired the exhortations and directives given by the Second Vatican Council for an education and an organization of social life taking account of the equal dignity of man and woman while respecting their difference.[8]

Speaking of "the sexual nature of man and the human faculty of procreation," the Council noted that they "wonderfully exceed the dispositions of lower forms of life."[9] It then took particular care to expound the principles and criteria which concern human sexuality in marriage, and which are based upon the finality of the specific function of sexuality.

In this regard the Council declares that the moral goodness of the acts proper to conjugal life, acts which are ordered according to true human dignity, "does not depend solely on sincere intentions or on an evaluation of motives. It must be determined by objective standards. These, based on the nature of the human person and his acts, preserve the full sense of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love."[10]

These final words briefly sum up the Council's teaching - more fully expounded in an earlier part of the same Constitution[11] - on the finality of the sexual act and on the principal criterion of its morality: it is respect for its finality that ensures the moral goodness of this act.

This same principle, which the Church holds from Divine Revelation and from her authentic interpretation of the natural law, is also the basis of her traditional doctrine, which states that the use of the sexual function has its true meaning and moral rectitude only in true marriage.[12]

VI

It is not the purpose of the present Declaration to deal with all the abuses of the sexual faculty, nor with all the elements involved in the practice of chastity. Its object is rather to repeat the Church's doctrine on certain particular points, in view of the urgent need to oppose serious errors and widespread aberrant modes of behavior.

VII

Today there are many who vindicate the right to sexual union before marriage, at least in those cases where a firm intention to marry and an affection which is already in some way conjugal in the psychology of the subjects require this completion, which they judge to be connatural. This is especially the case when the celebration of the marriage is impeded by circumstances or when this intimate relationship seems necessary in order for love to be preserved.

This opinion is contrary to Christian doctrine, which states that every genital act must be within the framework of marriage. However firm the intention of those who practice such premature sexual relations may be, the fact remains that these relations cannot ensure, in sincerity and fidelity, the interpersonal relationship between a man and a woman, nor especially can they protect this relationship from whims and caprices. Now it is a stable union that Jesus willed, and He restored its original requirement, beginning with the sexual difference. "Have you not read that the Creator from the beginning made them male and female and that He said: This is why a man must leave father and mother, and cling to his wife, and the two become one body? They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide."[13] St. Paul will be even more explicit when he shows that if unmarried people or widows cannot live chastely they have no other alternative than the stable union of marriage: ". . .it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion."[14] Through marriage, in fact, the love of married people is taken up into that love which Christ irrevocably has for the Church,[15] while dissolute sexual union[16] defiles the temple of the Holy Spirit which the Christian has become. Sexual union therefore is only legitimate if a definitive community of life has been established between the man and the woman.

This is what the Church has always understood and taught,[17] and she finds a profound agreement with her doctrine in men's reflection and in the lessons of history.

Experience teaches us that love must find its safeguard in the stability of marriage, if sexual intercourse is truly to respond to the requirements of its own finality and to those of human dignity. These requirements call for a conjugal contract sanctioned and guaranteed by society - a contract which establishes a state of life of capital importance both for the exclusive union of the man and the woman and for the good of their family and of the human community. Most often, in fact, premarital relations exclude the possibility of children. What is represented to be conjugal love is not able, as it absolutely should be, to develop into paternal and maternal love. Or, if it does happen to do so, this will be to the detriment of the children, who will be deprived of the stable environment in which they ought to develop in order to find in it the way and the means of their insertion into society as a whole.

The consent given by people who wish to be united in marriage must therefore be manifested externally and in a manner which makes it valid in the eyes of society. As far as the faithful are

concerned, their consent to the setting up of a community of conjugal life must be expressed according to the laws of the Church. It is a consent which makes their marriage a Sacrament of Christ.

VIII

At the present time there are those who, basing themselves on observations in the psychological order, have begun to judge indulgently, and even to excuse completely, homosexual relations between certain people. This they do in opposition to the constant teaching of the Magisterium and to the moral sense of the Christian people.

A distinction is drawn, and it seems with some reason, between homosexuals whose tendency comes from a false education, from a lack of normal sexual development, from habit, from bad example, or from other similar causes, and is transitory or at least not incurable; and homosexuals who are definitively such because of some kind of innate instinct or a pathological constitution judged to be incurable.

In regard to this second category of subjects, some people conclude that their tendency is so natural that it justifies in their case homosexual relations within a sincere communion of life and love analogous to marriage, in so far as such homosexuals feel incapable of enduring a solitary life.

In the pastoral field, these homosexuals must certainly be treated with understanding and sustained in the hope of overcoming their personal difficulties and their inability to fit into society. Their culpability will be judged with prudence. But no pastoral method can be employed which would give moral justification to these acts on the grounds that they would be consonant with the condition of such people. For according to the objective moral order, homosexual relations are acts which lack an essential and indispensable finality. In Sacred Scripture they are condemned as a serious depravity and even presented as the sad consequence of rejecting God.[18] This judgment of Scripture does not of course permit us to conclude that all those who suffer from this anomaly are personally responsible for it, but it does attest to the fact that homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered and can in no case be approved of.

IX

The traditional Catholic doctrine that masturbation constitutes a grave moral disorder is often called into doubt or expressly denied today. It is said that psychology and sociology show that it is a normal phenomenon of sexual development, especially among the young. It is stated that there is real and serious fault only in the measure that the subject deliberately indulges in solitary pleasure closed in on self ("ipsation"), because in this case the act would indeed be radically opposed to the loving communion between persons of different sex which some hold is what is principally sought in the use of the sexual faculty.

This opinion is contradictory to the teaching and pastoral practice of the Catholic Church. Whatever the force of certain arguments of a biological and philosophical nature, which have sometimes been used by theologians, in fact both the Magisterium of the Church - in the course

of a constant tradition - and the moral sense of the faithful have declared without hesitation that masturbation is an intrinsically and seriously disordered act.[19] The main reason is that, whatever the motive for acting this way, the deliberate use of the sexual faculty outside normal conjugal relations essentially contradicts the finality of the faculty. For it lacks the sexual relationship called for by the moral order, namely the relationship which realizes "the full sense of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love."[20] All deliberate exercise of sexuality must be reserved to this regular relationship. Even if it cannot be proved that Scripture condemns this sin by name, the tradition of the Church has rightly understood it to be condemned in the New Testament when the latter speaks of "impurity," "unchasteness" and other vices contrary to chastity and continence.

Sociological surveys are able to show the frequency of this disorder according to the places, populations or circumstances studied. In this way facts are discovered, but facts do not constitute a criterion for judging the moral value of human acts.[21] The frequency of the phenomenon in question is certainly to be linked with man's innate weakness following original sin; but it is also to be linked with the loss of a sense of God, with the corruption of morals engendered by the commercialization of vice, with the unrestrained licentiousness of so many public entertainments and publications, as well as with the neglect of modesty, which is the guardian of chastity.

On the subject of masturbation modern psychology provides much valid and useful information for formulating a more equitable judgment on moral responsibility and for orienting pastoral action. Psychology helps one to see how the immaturity of adolescence (which can sometimes persist after that age), psychological imbalance or habit can influence behavior, diminishing the deliberate character of the act and bringing about a situation whereby subjectively there may not always be serious fault. But in general, the absence of serious responsibility must not be presumed; this would be to misunderstand people's moral capacity.

In the pastoral ministry, in order to form an adequate judgment in concrete cases, the habitual behavior of people will be considered in its totality, not only with regard to the individual's practice of charity and of justice but also with regard to the individual's care in observing the particular precepts of chastity. In particular, one will have to examine whether the individual is using the necessary means, both natural and supernatural, which Christian asceticism from its long experience recommends for overcoming the passions and progressing in virtue.

X

The observance of the moral law in the field of sexuality and the practice of chastity have been considerably endangered, especially among less fervent Christians, by the current tendency to minimize as far as possible, when not denying outright, the reality of grave sin, at least in people's actual lives.

There are those who go as far as to affirm that mortal sin, which causes separation from God, only exists in the formal refusal directly opposed to God's call, or in that selfishness which completely and deliberately closes itself to the love of neighbor. They say that it is only then that there comes into play the fundamental option, that is to say the decision which totally commits the person and which is necessary if mortal sin is to exist; by this option the person, from the

depths of the personality, takes up or ratifies a fundamental attitude towards God or people. On the contrary, so-called "peripheral" actions (which, it is said, usually do not involve decisive choice), do not go so far as to change the fundamental option, the less so since they often come, as is observed, from habit. Thus such actions can weaken the fundamental option, but not to such a degree as to change it completely. Now according to these authors, a change of the fundamental option towards God less easily comes about in the field of sexual activity, where a person generally does not transgress the moral order in a fully deliberate and responsible manner but rather under the influence of passion, weakness, immaturity, sometimes even through the illusion of thus showing love for someone else. To these causes there is often added the pressure of the social environment.

In reality, it is precisely the fundamental option which in the last resort defines a person's moral disposition. But it can be completely changed by particular acts, especially when, as often happens, these have been prepared for by previous more superficial acts. Whatever the case, it is wrong to say that particular acts are not enough to constitute mortal sin.

According to the Church's teaching, mortal sin, which is opposed to God, does not consist only in formal and direct resistance to the commandment of charity. It is equally to be found in this opposition to authentic love which is included in every deliberate transgression, in serious matter, of each of the moral laws.

Christ Himself has indicated the double commandment of love as the basis of the moral life. But on this commandment depends "the whole Law, and the Prophets also."[22] It therefore includes the other particular precepts. In fact, to the young man who asked, ". . . what good deed must I do to possess eternal life?" Jesus replied: ". . . if you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments . . . . You must not kill. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not bring false witness. Honor your father and mother, and: you must love your neighbor as yourself."[23]

A person therefore sins mortally not only when his action comes from direct contempt for love of God and neighbor, but also when he consciously and freely, for whatever reason, chooses something which is seriously disordered. For in this choice, as has been said above, there is already included contempt for the Divine commandment: the person turns himself away from God and loses charity. Now according to Christian tradition and the Church's teaching, and as right reason also recognizes, the moral order of sexuality involves such high values of human life that every direct violation of this order is objectively serious.[24]

It is true that in sins of the sexual order, in view of their kind and their causes, it more easily happens that free consent is not fully given; this is a fact which calls for caution in all judgment as to the subject's responsibility. In this matter it is particularly opportune to recall the following words of Scripture: "Man looks at appearances but God looks at the heart."[25] However, although prudence is recommended in judging the subjective seriousness of a particular sinful act, it in no way follows that one can hold the view that in the sexual field mortal sins are not committed.

Pastors of souls must therefore exercise patience and goodness; but they are not allowed to render God's commandments null, nor to reduce unreasonably people's responsibility. "To diminish in no way the saving teaching of Christ constitutes an eminent form of charity for souls. But this must ever be accompanied by patience and goodness, such as the Lord Himself gave example of in dealing with people. Having come not to condemn but to save, He was indeed intransigent with evil, but merciful towards individuals."[26]

XI

As has been said above, the purpose of this Declaration is to draw the attention of the faithful in present-day circumstances to certain errors and modes of behavior which they must guard against. The virtue of chastity, however, is in no way confined solely to avoiding the faults already listed. It is aimed at attaining higher and more positive goals. It is a virtue which concerns the whole personality, as regards both interior and outward behavior.

Individuals should be endowed with this virtue according to their state in life: for some it will mean virginity or celibacy consecrated to God, which is an eminent way of giving oneself more easily to God alone with an undivided heart.[27] For others it will take the form determined by the moral law, according to whether they are married or single. But whatever the state of life, chastity is not simply an external state; it must make a person's heart pure in accordance with Christ's words: "You have learned how it was said: You must not commit adultery. But I say this to you: if a man looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart."[28]

Chastity is included in that continence which St. Paul numbers among the gifts of the Holy Spirit, while he condemns sensuality as a vice particularly unworthy of the Christian and one which precludes entry into the Kingdom of Heaven.[29] "What God wants is for all to be holy. He wants you to keep away from fornication, and each one of you know how to use the body that belongs to him in a way that is holy and honorable, not giving way to selfish lust like the pagans who do not know God. He wants nobody at all ever to sin by taking advantage of a brother in these matters. . . . We have been called by God to be holy, not to be immoral. In other words, anyone who objects is not objecting to a human authority, but to God, Who gives you His Holy Spirit."[30] "Among you there must not be even a mention of fornication or impurity in any of its forms, or promiscuity: this would hardly become the saints! For you can be quite certain that nobody who actually indulges in fornication or impurity or promiscuity - which is worshipping a false god - can inherit anything of the Kingdom of God. Do not let anyone deceive you with empty arguments: it is for this loose living that God's anger comes down on those who rebel against Him. Make sure that you are not included with them. You were darkness once, but now you are light in the Lord; be like children of light, for the effects of the light are seen in complete goodness and right living and truth."[31]

In addition, the Apostle points out the specifically Christian motive for practising chastity when he condemns the sin of fornication not only in the measure that this action is injurious to one's neighbor or to the social order but because the fornicator offends against Christ Who has redeemed him with His blood and of Whom he is a member, and against the Holy Spirit of Whom he is the temple. "You know, surely, that your bodies are members making up the body of

Christ. . . . All the other sins are committed outside the body; but to fornicate is to sin against your own body. Your body, you know, is the temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you since you received Him from God. You are not your own property; you have been bought and paid for. That is why you should use your body for the glory of God."[32]

The more the faithful appreciate the value of chastity and its necessary role in their lives as men and women, the better they will understand, by a kind of spiritual instinct, its moral requirements and counsels. In the same way they will know better how to accept and carry out, in a spirit of docility to the Church's teaching, what an upright conscience dictates in concrete cases.

XII

The Apostle St. Paul describes in vivid terms the painful interior conflict of the person enslaved to sin: the conflict between "the law of his mind" and the "law of sin which dwells in his members" and which holds him captive.[33] But man can achieve liberation from his "body doomed to death" through the grace of Jesus Christ.[34] This grace is enjoyed by those who have been justified by it and whom "the law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set free from the law of sin and death."[35] It is for this reason that the Apostle adjures them: "That is why you must not let sin reign in your mortal bodies or command your obedience to bodily passions."[36]

This liberation, which fits one to serve God in newness of life, does not however suppress the concupiscence deriving from original sin, nor the promptings to evil in this world, which is "in the power of the evil one."[37] This is why the Apostle exhorts the faithful to overcome temptations by the power of God[38] and to "stand against the wiles of the Devil"[39] by faith, watchful prayer[40] and an austerity of life that brings the body into subjection to the Spirit.[41]

Living the Christian life by following in the footsteps of Christ requires that everyone should "deny himself and take up his cross daily,"[42] sustained by the hope of reward, for "if we have died with Him, we shall also reign with Him."[43] In accordance with these pressing exhortations, the faithful of the present time, and indeed today more than ever, must use the means which have always been recommended by the Church for living a chaste life. These means are: discipline of the senses and the mind, watchfulness and prudence in avoiding occasions of sin, the observance of modesty, moderation in recreation, wholesome pursuits, assiduous prayer and frequent reception of the Sacraments of Penance and the Eucharist. Young people especially should earnestly foster devotion to the Immaculate Mother of God, and take as examples the lives of saints and other faithful people, especially young ones, who excelled in the practice of chastity.

It is important in particular that everyone should have a high esteem for the virtue of chastity, its beauty and its power of attraction. This virtue increases the human person's dignity and enables him to love truly, disinterestedly, unselfishly and with respect for others.

XIII

It is up to the Bishops to instruct the faithful in the moral teaching concerning sexual morality, however great may be the difficulties in carrying out this work in the face of ideas and practices

generally prevailing today. This traditional doctrine must be studied more deeply. It must be handed on in a way capable of properly enlightening the consciences of those confronted with new situations and it must be enriched with a discernment of all the elements that can truthfully and usefully be brought forward about the meaning and value of human sexuality. But the principles and norms of moral living reaffirmed in this Declaration must be faithfully held and taught. It will especially be necessary to bring the faithful to understand that the Church holds these principles not as old and inviolable superstitions, nor out of some Manichaean prejudice, as is often alleged, but rather because she knows with certainty that they are in complete harmony with the Divine order of creation and with the spirit of Christ, and therefore also with human dignity.

It is likewise the Bishops' mission to see that a sound doctrine enlightened by faith and directed by the Magisterium of the Church is taught in faculties of theology and in seminaries. Bishops must also ensure that confessors enlighten people's consciences and that catechetical instruction is given in perfect fidelity to Catholic doctrine.

It rests with the Bishops, the priests and their collaborators to alert the faithful against the erroneous opinions often expressed in books, reviews and public meetings.

Parents, in the first place, and also teachers of the young must endeavor to lead their children and their pupils, by way of a complete education, to the psychological, emotional and moral maturity befitting their age. They will therefore prudently give them information suited to their age; and they will assiduously form their wills in accordance with Christian morals, not only by advice but above all by the example of their own lives, relying on God's help, which they will obtain in prayer. They will likewise protect the young from the many dangers of which they are quite unaware.

Artists, writers and all those who use the means of social communication should exercise their profession in accordance with their Christian faith and with a clear awareness of the enormous influence which they can have. They should remember that "the primacy of the objective moral order must be regarded as absolute by all,"[44] and that it is wrong for them to give priority above it to any so-called aesthetic purpose, or to material advantage or to success. Whether it be a question of artistic or literary works, public entertainment or providing information, each individual in his or her own domain must show tact, discretion, moderation and a true sense of values. In this way, far from adding to the growing permissiveness of behavior, each individual will contribute towards controlling it and even towards making the moral climate of society more wholesome.

All lay people, for their part, by virtue of their rights and duties in the work of the apostolate, should endeavor to act in the same way.

Finally, it is necessary to remind everyone of the words of the Second Vatican Council: "This Holy Synod likewise affirms that children and young people have a right to be encouraged to weigh moral values with an upright conscience, and to embrace them by personal choice, to know and love more adequately. Hence, it earnestly entreats all who exercise government over

people or preside over the work of education to see that youth is never deprived of this sacred right."[45]

At the audience granted on November 7, 1975, to the undersigned Prefect of the Sacred

Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, the Sovereign Pontiff by Divine Providence Pope

Paul VI approved this Declaration "On certain questions concerning sexual ethics," confirmed it

and ordered its publication.

Given in Rome, at the Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, on December 29th,

1975.

Franjo Cardinal Seper Prefect

Most Rev. Jerome Hamer, O.P. Titular Archbishop of Lorium

Secretary

ENDNOTES OF PERSONA HUMANA

1. Cf. Second Vatican Ecumenical Council, Constitution on the Church in the Modern World "Gaudium et Spes," 47 AAS 58 (1966), p. 1067.

2. Cf. Apostolic Constitution "Regimini Ecclesiae Universae," 29 (Aug 15th, 1967) AAS 89 (1967), p. 1067.

3. "Gaudium et Spes," 16 AAS 58 (1966), p. 1037.

4. Jn 8:12.

5. Second Vatican Ecumenical Council, Declaration "Dignitatis Humanae," 3 AAS 58 (1966), p. 931.

6. I Tim 3:15

7. "Dignitatis Humanae," 14 AAS 58 (1966), p. 940; cf Pius XI, encyclical letter "Casti Connubii," Dec 31st, 1930 AAS 22 (1930), pp 579-580; Pius XII, allocution of Nov. 2nd, 1954 AAS 46 (1954), pp 671-672; John XXIII, encyclical letter "Mater et Magistra," May 15th, 1961 AAS 53 (1961), p. 457; Paul VI, encyclical letter "Humanae Vitae," 4, July 25th, 1968 AAS 60 (1968) p. 483.

8. Cf. Second Vatican Ecumenical Council, Declaration "Gravissimum Educationis," 1, 8: AAS 58 (1966), pp. 729-730; 734-736 "Gaudium et Spes," 29, 60, 67 AAS 58 (1966), pp. 1048 1049, 1080-1081, 1088-1089.

9. "Gaudium et Spes," 51 AAS 58 (1966), pp. 1072.

10. Ibid; cf also 49 loc cit, pp. 1069-1070.

11. Ibid, 49, 50 loc cit, pp. 1069-1072.

12. The present Declaration does not go into further detail regarding the norms of sexual life within marriage; these norms have been clearly taught in the encyclical letter "Casti Connubii" and "Humanae Vitae."

13. Cf. Mt 19:4-6.

14. I Cor 7:9.

15. Cf. Eph 5:25-32.

16. Sexual intercourse outside marriage is formally condemned I Cor 5:1; 6:9; 7:2; 10:8 Eph. 5:5; I Tim 1:10; Heb 13:4; and with explicit reasons I Cor 6:12-20.

17. Cf. Innocent IV, letter "Sub catholica professione," March 6th, 1254, DS 835; Pius II, "Propos damn in Ep Cum sicut accepimus." Nov 13th, 1459, DS 1367; decrees of the Holy Office, Sept 24th, 1665, DS 2045; March 2nd, 1679, DS 2148 Pius XI, encyclical letter "Casti Connubii," Dec 31st, 1930 AAS 22 (1930), pp. 558 559.

18. Rom 1:24-27 "That is why God left them to their filthy enjoyments and the practices with which they dishonor their own bodies since they have given up Divine truth for a lie and have worshipped and served creatures instead of the Creator, Who is blessed forever. Amen! That is why God has abandoned them to degrading passions; why their women have turned from natural intercourse to unnatural practices and why their menfolk have given up natural intercourse to be consumed with passion for each other, men doing shameless things with men and getting an appropriate reward for their perversion" See also what St. Paul says of "masculorum concubitores" in I Cor 6:10; I Tim 1:10.

19. Cf. Leo IX, letter "Ad splendidum nitentis," in the year 1054 DS 687-688, decree of the Holy Office, March 2nd, 1679: DS 2149; Pius XII, "Allocutio," Oct 8th, 1953 AAS 45 (1953), pp. 677-678; May 19th, 1956 AAS 48 (1956), pp. 472-473.

20. "Gaudium et Spes," 51 AAS 58 (1966), p. 1072.

21. ". . . it sociological surveys are useful for better discovering the thought patterns of the people of a particular place, the anxieties and needs of those to whom we proclaim the word of God, and also the opposition made to it by modern reasoning through the widespread notion that outside science there exists no legitimate form of knowledge, still the conclusions drawn from such surveys could not of themselves constitute a determining criterion of truth," Paul VI, apostolic exhortation "Quinque iam anni." Dec 8th 1970, AAS 63 (1971), p. 102.

22. Mt 22:38, 40.

23. Mt 19:16-19.

24. Cf. note 17 and 19 above Decree of the Holy Office, March 18th, 1666, DS 2060; Paul VI, encyclical letter "Humanae Vitae," 13, 14 AAS 60 (1968), pp. 489-496.

25. Sam 16:7.

26. Paul VI, encyclical letter "Humanae Vitae," 29 AAS 60 (1968), p. 501.

27. Cf. I Cor 7:7, 34; Council of Trent, Session XXIV, can 10 DS 1810; Second Vatican Council, Constitution "Lumen Gentium," 42 43, 44 AAS 57 (1965), pp. 47-51 Synod of Bishops, "De Sacerdotio Ministeriali," part II, 4, b: AAS 63 (1971), pp. 915-916.

28. Mt 5:28.

29. Cf. Gal 5:19-23; I Cor 6:9-11.

30. I Thess 4:3-8; cf. Col 3:5-7; I Tim 1:10.

31. Eph 5:3-8; cf. 4:18-19.

32. I Cor 6:15, 18-20.

33. Cf. Rom 7:23.

34. Cf. Rom 7:24-25.

35. Cf. Rom 8:2.

36. Rom 6:12.

37. I Jn 5:19.

38. Cf. I Cor 10:13.

39. Eph 6:11.

40. Ct Eph 6:16, 18.

41. Ct I Cor 9:27.

42. Lk 9:23.

43. II Tim 2:11-12.

44. Second Vatican Ecumenical Council decree "Inter Mirifica," 6 AAS 56 (1964), p. 147.

45. "Gravissimum Educationis," 1: AAS 58 (1966), p. 730.

-end of Persona Humana-

Chosen Article: A Reply Letter from…

Catechism of the Catholic Church 2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.” To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, forced of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability. As usual the Church’s language is measured and charitable. On the one hand, she recognizes that any use of the sexual faculty outside of marriage is gravely evil, and on the other that anyone who is trying to overcome a habit in this area may not be morally culpable for their sin. Catholic teaching recognizes that grave moral culpability depends on the action being objectively grave, the person knowing that without any dissembling or feigned ignorance and sufficient freedom to choose the act, rather than to have it thrust upon them. The Church does indeed recognize the psychological and social factors which may attenuate culpability, but unlike the world does not thereby say that no one is capable of chastity to day. On the contrary, every case is independent and must be judged by the circumstances. The world, on the other hand, says simply that self-abuse is part of growing up, as if that makes it normal or even desirable. How does the Church measure culpability? Since in your case you know it is wrong it comes down to the issue of freedom. Generally speaking, antecedent (prior) passion excuses, passion we foster and which comes after we start the act does not. So, the person who sets about seeking pleasure cannot blame their habit. The person who is caught unawares, not having sought an occasion of sin or sought the passion, may very well be excused. The passion may be fomented by the world, by the flesh or even by devil (and he is active in this area). The test would be, did one fight it, even if ultimately the battle was lost. Good will in someone trying to overcome a deeply engrained habit is shown by that fact, as well as by the swiftness, even instantaneousness, of the remorse after the act. As the stories of so many in these matters show, the battle can be a long one, even life-long. God can work a miracle but usually allows people to struggle with this. Naturally, you need to use the means of grace at your disposal, and common sense about what situations lead you to this sin. You also need to realize that there are biological rhythms that may it difficult to avoid all together. At the same time, it is good that you are not buying the lie that the battle is lost from the beginning. Finally, don’t become discouraged. The fact that you are trying to overcome the habit, as evidenced by your writing us, shows that your will is essentially good, but weak in this area. You can try to built it up in other areas, such as temperance in food and other forms of asceticism. There is a book that was written to address the general problem of single chastity called The Courage to be Chaste (Ignatius Press) by Fr. John Harvey. Fr. Harvey ministry is to help homosexuals be chaste, but the issues he

addresses also applies to heterosexual celibates. Well, I don’t know if I have helped you, except to assure you that you are not wrong in thinking that you need to be chaste and not throw in the towel. God bless. Colin B. Donovan, STL Vice President for Theology Eternal Word Television Network

A MASTURBATOR MARRYING?

With the thought of marriage, I would say I have been wrong. I thought of the, “It is better to marry than to be aflamed with passion,” as to desire already for marriage because as I’ve read, marriage can maintain my chastity through the control of the passions even though it is an inferior but acceptable spiritual motive for marrying.32 But Edouard Cardinal Gagnon, P.S.S. said, “If a person has not been taught the virtue of chastity beforehand, marriage will not be a remedy for wayward inclinations or the lack of control. Conjugal life would become an occasion for more failings in accepting and following God’s will.”33 So, when I sensed that God is not giving me a girlfriend, I thought that maybe God is doing that because marriage might not somehow help me. The solution is to study how to master myself by way of ascesis, natural or supernatural means.

As an ex-seminarian, deciding whether I really want marriage or priesthood or to follow God’s will wherever he is calling me became difficult. Wilkie Au, S.J. said that discernment is distorted by “inordinate attachments” that the spontaneous attractions of the heart is not monitored.34 My “need” for sex is like food without which I do not know how to live. Times of indecision set in whether to continue my contemplative desire or to go for marriage which is safer in my case. But I just found it peaceful to just leave it open until through God’s mercy the innocence that I lost in my childhood will go back again and so be able to be more charitable in my answer to God’s call. When it will be will depend on my cooperation in chastity with God. Thus, “for those who really want to become a priest or religious but who has a strong sexual urge, let him ask God to give him the grace of chastity and celibacy.”35 But Evagrius advised: “On the contrary, solitude and seclusion are sweet; but it must be sought only when the passions are overcome. If we go into solitude when our passions are still moved by the demons, we can lose our minds.”36 Even today, that I have already chosen to pursue the advancement of my career connected with my financial preparation for marriage, such inordinate attachment to the pleasure of orgasm makes me impatient to already marry and set aside a good preparation for it.

32

Dr. Raul G. Fores, “The Quest for Holiness, The Role of Christian Marriage in Attaining Holiness, A View On Family Planning and Abstention” The Guadalupe Series on Ascetical Topic. #3, (Philippines: Lay Monastic Community of Caryana, S. of G. Foundation, Inc., 1995), 5.

33 Edouard Cardinal Gagnon, P.S.S., Sexual Morality: A Personal Imperative The Foundation of

Marriage and Family. Address given at The Church Teaches Forum. Pontifical Council for the Family. 34

Consult Wilkie Au, By Way of the Heart: Toward a Holistic Christian Spirituality. (New York: Paulist Press, 1989), 61-63.

35 John F. Dedek, Contemporary Sexual Morality. (Sheed and Ward, Inc., 1971), 85.

36 Evagrius, On the Active Life, “The Ways of the Devil” Winnowing Fan. Vol. VI, No. 7, July 1989 (S.

of G. Foundation, Inc., MCPO, 1257 Makati City, Metro Manila, Philippines).

On the other hand, such pressure here outside makes me go back again in the seminary where I at least have the ease of disciplining myself by way of its different formation programs.37 But I am bound by the chains of the memory of my body.38

Thinking back about marriage, every one of us also should consider these words of St. Francis: “The state of marriage is one that requires more virtue and constancy than any other; it is a perpetual exercise of mortification.” A horrible truth slapped me on the face: “Do I want to marry because I can’t control my sexual appetite?” Marriage rather, is sacrificing for the sake of the beloved. If sacrificing is not clearly included in my picture of marriage, then who am I cheating but myself. The reality of marriage that St. Francis clarified is not an exaggeration. It is the reality of every married life we are all familiar with.

If that is the reality of marriage then what shall I choose? In fairness I still long for a monk’s freedom from material possessions and concerns, while my vice holds me to prepare for marriage than be aflamed with passion (be burned in hell).

The good thing is that either in marriage or in religious or priestly life chastity is a must.39 The modern thought has set the trend that chastity is just for celibates not for married people, that there is nothing to be chaste about in marriage. What I realized as good is that God is calling me not primarily to the priesthood or to the married life, but to live a chaste life either married or single. Chastity is life itself, a vocation itself to holiness. We are all called to be holy. If for someone chastity sounds too negative a life, let him analyze that not killing a person is one of the bulwark of respecting life, and this negative precept always goes with the positive as just one.40

Thus, I am at ease that I first have to be chaste before anything else. And though the question of priesthood or marriage will not directly help one, the living out of the precepts of chastity will! I no longer have to choose between the two states of life in such a hurry, but I am bound by the Spirit of Love to choose only chastity in either case.

Thus, if I would court a girl, it should be a chaste courting (no sexual intercourse yet, even torrid kissing and the like); and I must not fantasize about my future marriage as all love romances and all sexual intercourses. Sinking St. Francis’s thought deeply, I must live my marriage as if I have no partner41—a practice of age-old Catholic tradition that makes possible the notion of natural family planning by abstention. In fact, true love does not call it abstention (it sounds negative nowadays), but respect for each other (personal spacing in modern parlance).

While choosing priesthood would be difficult for me, God would accept such weakness as attested by the following verses: The Lord said, “Let him who can take it, let him take it.”42 And St. Paul said, “Indeed, I wish everyone to be as I am, but each has a particular gift from

37

“…rather than being especially difficult, life according to the counsels actually is a simpler and easier way to live a good christian life…unburdened with the responsibilities and distractions of spouse and family, responsibilities and temptations of ownership, and of setting and striving for one’s own goals in life.”—WCC, CMP Ch. 27 Ques.H #12 par.6.

38 Poltawska, “Difficulties in Observing Celibacy” Priestly Celibacy, letter "c" The Weight of the Past.

39 “The vocation to the priesthood and the vocation to marriage both require the same total devotion [to

celibacy] and hence are mutually exclusive, even though the type of personality required is basically the same in

both cases.” (emphasis mine)—Poltawska, Priestly Celibacy, 2nd par. 40

See John Paul II, Encyclical Letter, Evangelium Vitae, art. 54. 41

“I tell you, brothers, the time is running out. From now on, let those having wives act as not having them…”—1 Cor. 7:29.

42 Mt. 19:12.

God, one of one kind and one of another…. But if they do not contain themselves, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to be burnt.”43

However, let it be clear that I have experienced the sweetness of the Lord that is why I am not yet getting into marriage. Another thing is that setting aside marriage longer for the goal of attaining an ideal (like the scientist’s) is a noble vocation.44 Moreover, the fact that I can’t stop my masturbation, that I have no stable job yet for my future children, that I still have that longing for contemplative freedom is a fact not worthy of the noble state of marriage yet. Marriage is a set of responsibility sweet for those who are already prepared, but bitter for those who have just been forced by one’s sexual urges even though this is a natural solution for those who cannot control themselves. Prepared or not, the point is to be faithful in one’s marriage vow whatever sacrifice one has to undergo. Such vow, thus, must not be taken lightly giving in to the temptation to abandon it when hard times hit.

Yet I have undergone so much uncertainty and instability in discerning what I should do—because I have not acted the precepts of chastity but continued masturbating—not because God is not making it more clear if He really is calling me to priesthood or to married life. I have suffered God so much in praying for a sign if priesthood or marriage is the better life for me. Instead, one thing is floating clearer than ever before: I have to live a life free of whatever sexual

acts in thought and in deed (outside marriage bond).

The life of chastity first before anything. I thought God is not giving me a girlfriend because He does not want me to have one yet, because I still have to learn temperance in one form or another. But another element floated—I was not courting any girl (of noble a character) because I’m used to and satisfied already by masturbation.45 But I think both of them mean the

same: I have to overcome my masturbatory practice.46 It will include the precept of Job: I will

not think much of a virgin.47 The practice of any sexual activity, which can lead to sexual intercourse, is not even a good preparation for marriage but the worst destruction of its sacramental character. A man is given by God to a woman and vice versa because they both

43

1 Cor. 7:7,9. 44

“Some forgo marriage in order to care for their parents or brothers and sisters, to give themselves more completely to a profession, or to serve other honorable ends. They can contribute greatly to the good of the human family.”—CCC, art. 2231.

“Thus, not only those called to be priests or religious but those with other callings--for example, to certain professional or civic roles--which they foresee would regularly lead to conflicts with the responsibilities of marriage and family life also are called to permanent or temporary celibacy for the sake of the kingdom.”—WCC, LCL Chap 5 Ques K #2.a.

45 Nelson, How to Avoid Hell, 183.

46 I will introduce masturbatory courting as a kind of masturbation. It does not practice friendship as the

basis of courting, but sexual engagement in fantasy is its primary motivation. This kind of masturbation includes too much preoccupation with the beloved that one’s personal growth is hampered. The relationship becomes negative and does not advance each other’s development in all aspects, in contrast with those who make their beloved an inspiration in becoming more persevering, industrious etc.

47 “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I look upon a virgin?”—Job 31:1.

“Think of Job, that great servant of God, of such tried virtue, who kept so vigilant a guard over his senses that, in the expressive language of Scripture, he made a covenant with his eyes not so much as to think upon a virgin.”—Venerable Louis of Granada, O.P. “Remedies against Lust” The Sinner’s Guide. (Rockford, Illinois: TAN Books and Publishers, Inc., 1883, 1985), 279.

already have that “noble character”48 who can beget citizens for heaven; who can rear children of light.

And so, one who is still a bachelor must remain a bachelor who is chaste, before God might enter or call him to another state of life.49 Thus, bachelors, in principles, should not long for marriage. If he can even be celibate for the Kingdom of God let him be while those who can’t control their sexual urge must remain in monogamy rather than in polygamy or adultery or fornication or incest or rape or masturbation. Let him ask God for a partner in due time. It is so because marriage is better than the latters as the answer to an uncontrollable sexual appetite. But the principle of chastity is the reason why an intemperate person should learn to live chastely gradually in marriage. And thus we can summarize: if one can relearn50

chastity outside

marriage, i.e., if one still believes he can control his urge by God’s grace and by learning the

precepts of chastity and by living an ideal or personal vocation outside marriage—it is better

than marriage only seen as the controller of sexual urge. In short, marriage is better than

sinning; but learning to be chaste outside marriage is better than marrying for the

maintenance of chastity. I have advanced these concepts from Guadalupe Series no. 3 p. 5 that quote: “For such to

choose marriage is better than indulging in fornication.” And there is a passage there which says: “If they cannot control their sexual urges, they should get married, since it is better to be married than to burn.”51

It is said on I Cor. 7:6 that sex in marriage for the control of passion is a concession rather than a commandment. Thus, we can infer that because of—

1. hardness of the heart (“because of sexual immorality” 1 Cor. 7:2), 2. ignorance of the principles and means of attaining chastity, and 3. unbelief both in our natural capacity for chastity (Poltawska)

—they have conceded that marriage is better than sinning. But a note of gravity should be added here about our supernatural capacity in Christ Jesus: “From the very beginning of a person’s life in Jesus, however, and no matter what remnants of the fallen condition of humankind or one’s own past sin might remain, mortal sin is altogether avoidable.”52 This means that sinning is avoidable—sin should not be chosen, but rather must choose chaste marriage and, if one can, single blessedness and priesthood.

“Nevertheless he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin (keep his single blessedness), does well”53

But St. Paul adds: “Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned… such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.”54

48

Montserrat D. Fernandez, “the making of a True Christian Family: The Problem of living the Christian Life in a pagan and materialistic society” The Guadalupe Series on Ascetical Topic. #7, (Philippines: Lay Monastic Community of Caryana, S. of G. Foundation, Inc., 1995), 17.

49 “Brothers, everyone should continue before God in the state in which he was called.”—1Cor. 7:24.

50 To relearn chastity means it is natural in man to be chaste, he just neglect its observance and thus loose

or unlearn it. Poltawska observes that in the human organism there exist no mechanisms forcing us to act as if sexual activity is necessary per se.—Consult Poltawska, Priestly Celibacy, in subtopic “The false conception of sexuality”.

51 I Cor. 7:1.

52 WCC, CMP Chap.17 Ques. F #7.

53 I Cor. 7:37

Let each marriages then call to Mary because as at wedding in Cana “she convinced her Son to save the newlywed from shame.”55 Furthermore, it is high time now to correct our misconceptions about marriage.56

Am I afraid of marriage? I am not. I’m not courting a girl yet—not because I’m a gay

or a masturbator or just afraid of marriage responsibilities or stupid etc. The reason must be clear that I am not yet courting or choosing my wife to be because learning to be chaste outside marriage is better.57 It has to sound more melodious than those pretty girls roaming around, than the accepted atmosphere of being normal when you are married. It has to sound more assertive than your friend’s insistence to win the girl as a form of completeness and victory and manhood.58

I remembered my first longing for a woman I loved that really made me insane to be with her already. It passed and I was able to live without her. What could have been our life if we had had children? Perhaps it became a mess—I without a stable job, without emotional stability etc., and she not yet finished with her studies. “True love can wait. It’s ok to say no,” as the saying goes of the 1995 Philippine World Youth Day theme. On the other hand, a puritanical chastity is cold.59 Friendship, down from ancient times, is the factor as McGinnis in his book “The Friendship Factor” more recently and others had well articulated. Friendship is open not just for marriage but for being related in general. As I have said, my relationships with girls are not that real. It is time that I learn to relate normally with a girl or many by friendship.

The playboy picture is not the idea. That is a hard core to destroy because more often than not, media depicts lopsided love affairs. “Agapeic” and “Philial” loving is less represented than "Eros" or corrupted "Eros" called eroticism.

Job did not think much of a virgin and so must all medias, and we must reflect on that. As Job might have experienced, it can make him wild and uncontrollable in his still unmarriageable age (not yet physically, mentally, financially stable). As my mother is wont to say, “Madali lang ang pag-aasawa. ‘Pag naro’n ka na, ‘yun ang mahirap at ‘yun ang dapat paghandaan.” (It is easy to marry. But being married already is the hard part and which all must prepare for.)

54

I Cor. 7:27-28. 55

Clement Murugasu, The Mystery of Light. 2nd printing, (Philippines: Paulines Press, 2002) 56

See Fr. Delfin S. Felipe, “Marriage and the Christian Family: A Reflection Based on Familiaris Consortio” Docete: A Catechetical Review. vol. XXV no. 111. (Philippines: Official Publication of the NCOP/ECCCE).

57 Similar with a woman’s observing of her menstrual cycle (done for months with complete abstention

from sexual intercourse) which is taught to learn natural birth control, a man on the other hand should observe what leads him to sexual arousal without love and thus avoid it. Both kinds of observing must be done outside the life of normal sexual intercourse of marriage partner for proper and correct observation to come by. Both techniques help in the avoidance of unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. Such assurance makes the act of sexual intercourse worry-free leaving only the real expression and enjoyment of true love.

58 Because I’m a man, I am just trying to become honest with what I have experienced. Further, I have no

capacity to include female versions which has a different side and angle. 59

See KPK, art. 1085: “…ang pang-aalipin ng nagmamalinis na asal at mga di-makatuwirang pagbabawal

tungkol sa sekswalidad.” (“…the slavery of self righteousness over purity and the irrational restraints on sexuality.”)

Thus, many unprepared marriages fail because of problems that even cooperating partners cannot handle. A failed marriage means a broken family and broken children and insecure salvation of the souls of those children. Home for street children are good, but it is already a remedy most often for an irresponsible parenthood.

In my case, befriending marriageable women is too risky when I am not yet ready for marriage. But the Lord is continuously teaching me to befriend girls I am attracted to without emotional expression of sexual intimate feelings. (Sexual intimate feelings are permissible only for married partners.) Lucky are those who have healthy friendships with the opposite sex, who have learned the art of befriending without romancing, who have at their system a habit of relating just as a friend naturally. I am not self-pitying but just stating the fact of my incapacity traceable from that first xxx-rated movie I viewed and I forever will carry as the thorn in my flesh. Fighting masturbation will help one control oneself in not entering marriage only with half-gear or worst, no gear at all. Masturbation is to be stopped. That is the only way, is the only truth against too many unreasonable acts or half-hearted resolutions. Masturbation in

many of its forms is the problem not the what, where, when, why, how of priesthood or marriage or single blessedness. Stopping masturbation is the solution a) either by marrying with full preparation (let him ask it of God) especially for worse case solvable only by marriage b) or if it can still be remedied outside marriage by ascesis or mortification let him ask it of God also c) or others like having friends of the opposite sex chastely.

Perhaps there is a truth in a research on brainwave observation that claims that being in love is a form of insanity. The researchers found a correlation between the brainwaves of lovers against mental patients—and it pays to discern whether to continue that “love” by marriage or

just to pass such another craze. A prepared man can’t be too crazy enough for a woman who, he knows, will be with him for long. If an unchaste person is really that crazy enough for a girl unpreparedly, let him reflect upon the hard times. Let him read books like one of Leandro Villanueva Sr. “Mag-asawa’y Hindi Biro” (“Marrying is not a Joke”) to evaluate himself if he is ready enough for marriage responsibility and not just becoming emotional. It is already a picking up of a good choice and receiving her as a gift from God. A prepared man would not choose by criteria worn out by crazy people like beauty, wealth, and fame alone, but also by the criteria used by Abraham’s servant in choosing a wife for Jacob. The fruit of the latter criteria is astonishing. Rebecca was the most beautiful girl the servant ever saw even he first of all tried the ladies in the well if they are virtuous or possessing good characters.60

In contrast, an unprepared man wouldn’t even pray knowing that “pogi points” (good look points) are all there is, and marriage a fate-filled experience, just a plain joke. If one is courting someone or looking for a partner let him/her pray. But let him surrender to God’s will who knows how to heal all kinds of sickness and lack. Should one then court a girl? Yes, he may if he is already prepared for commitment as we have explained. Should a boy then befriend girls? He should. But such friendship should not extend to the meaning of courting which often happens between both attracted partner friends. No, I am not expressing the letter of the law here. What one must realize is one’s preparedness and one’s weakness. Too often one’s weakness is not safe with those friends whom one consider also to court in due time. There are enough non-courting socializations to fill our social needs and not just with pretty girls.

60

Guadalupe Series #7, 17.

Graver still, a torrid kissing without a fucking is just too dangerous a lie.61 When both you and your girlfriend are in a secluded house with your intention of just befriending her or worst when sex is just ok a part of befriending one—it’s too messy a thing that a masturbator should better ask what he means about befriending a girl. For sure, courting is different if it is the traditional courting you know—it is a clean thing, with a clean intention.

On the other hand, true love can wait. It is the chaste man’s capacity to stay in real friendship. One is morally permitted also to befriend many girls and thus have that advantage to be able to choose from among them or to be able to learn more on how to relate with the opposite sex in a chaste manner.62 Here, befriending a girl does not mean already entering into an exclusive relationship (katipanan) that your girlfriend (kaibigang babae) can no longer entertain any boyfriend (kaibigang lalaki). But once that seriousness of friendship already has set in which, in most cases, leads to marriage, any person in such serious partnership must not give any hope of marriage to another to avoid hurting other’s life not just feelings. Because really, the giving of a person’s yes includes giving her dreams, plans, etc. for the future. Thus, it would entail really such a loss to someone abandoned by an already proposing partner. That I think is the role of our traditionally called “tipanan” (covenanting) which is being put out of the modern system. “Tipanan” fulfills a critical role of evaluating the seriousness and responsibleness of the concerned parties. In addition, I just want to classify relationships by degrees: 1. “kaibigan” (friendship) is not an exclusive relationship, 2. “kasintahan” (wooing) connotes more of “pagsuyo” or “panliligaw” but one cannot yet call the other partner as exclusively one’s own 3. katipanan (covenanting) is an exclusive relationship already because the girl has already given her yes which leads to marriage. “Katipanan” is formalized by engagement or the giving and receiving of rings and “pamanhikan.” (formal request of parents and relatives to the girls hands from her parents, in the Philippines it entails eating and drinking celebration and socialization) Taken seriously and reflected upon, these realities are not a teenager’s concern. This concern, on the other hand, must be part of their values awareness formation.

What then is my choice? I am not afraid of marriage. I want to marry. Yet one must be careful not to think that God forces anyone to this or that vocation. He always respects our choice even in the choice of a vocation.63 I want to make a great emphasis here on the compulsive masturbator’s capacity for free choice because I have suffered a great deal of loosing my capacity for it because of my compulsion. The harmful effect is that I have developed such a concept that God is the one causing my masturbation and many miseries in my life. Again, this is the fruit of my years of excusing myself as responsible for my compulsion, years of rationalizing my enjoyed sinful acts. There is a need for me to take at heart the following passage:

"Do not say, "Because of the Lord I left the right way"; for he will not do what he hates. Do not say, "It was he who led me astray";

61

Nelson, How to Avoid Hell, 327-332. 62

Here I don’t suggest masturbators or anyone should only focus on opposite sex relations. Relations must be balanced by healthy and normal heterosexual relationships also as a counselor at Emmaus Center Foundation, Inc., Marikina City, Philippines pointed out to me. Many life experiences can add up to such needs.

63 See CCC, art. 2230: “…children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life…”

for he has no need of a sinful man. The Lord hates all abominations, and they are not loved by those who fear him. It was he who created man in the beginning, and he left him in the power of his own inclination. If you will, you can keep the commandments, and to act faithfully is a matter of your own choice. He has placed before you fire and water: stretch out your hand for whichever you wish. Before a man are life and death, and whichever he chooses will be given to him. For great is the wisdom of the Lord; he is mighty in power and sees everything; his eyes are on those who fear him, and he knows every deed of man. He has not commanded any one to be ungodly, and he has not given any one permission to sin.64

Thus if one chose marriage let one be responsible for it. If another chose priesthood or religious life let one be responsible for it. And if one lacks the capacity for the chosen state of life let him hear St. Anselm:

But every man hath his own gift from God, one thus, that is to say, that he should live in complete continence, but another thus, that wedded to one wife he should have connection with no other woman. The text is sufficient proof that not only continence is God’s gift, but also the chastity of the wedded. Since, therefore, both have been shown to be God’s gifts, we know from whom to ask them, if we have them not, and to whom our thanks are due, if we have them.65

The desire to be married at once. Masturbation—as a form of rebellion against God who does not still give one the capacity to marry—is tempting. The grace of one’s state of singlehood is a very good blessing from God who does not want to add more responsibilities of the married life that one cannot still accept or is not still capable of in reality. The devil makes singlehood less pleasing so that a desire for the state of marriage will be created. The desire for sexual intercourse will be increased in the subtlest way. But sexual intercourse must be a

concern only of married persons. If a single person will desire it, it can lead to masturbation as an outlet for such desire and a kind of rebellion against the wisdom of God (or our unknown deeper genuine desire) who still wants one to enjoy singlehood, who still wants one to mature in some way before He may enter one into the sacrament of marriage. The idea of enjoying one’s singlehood is to be given emphasis here. The idea that life is worth living even without sexual intercourse must be discussed with the compulsive masturbators who are still single. The idea that one can concentrate his attention to other worthwhile activities other than the idea of

64 Sir. 15: 11-20.

65 St. Anselm, “On I Cor. 7,”quoted in Hildebrand, In Defence of Purity, footnote on page 173.

marrying at once—is to be inculcated. Such kind of maturity is a weapon within marriage itself. Of course, marriage should not be received by a person directly to cure idleness, emotional immaturity, indecision as to what career one will pursue, and many more kinds of immaturity. However, marriage is a set of responsibilities that if taken seriously “till death do us part” can transform any immature person into a loving person.

Further, if one no longer enjoy singlehood but one still wants to accomplish tasks that are strenuous for a married person let him ask God for the grace of singlehood:

Prayer

Lord, you have accomplished the task of saving us with utmost singleness of mind. If singlehood is really still your intent for me, please grant me the grace to stay so chastely without any concern for marriage coming here and there, putting my mind to doubt as to what you really want for me. Lord please make singlehood so clear for me as your will if you will still enter me in marriage much later than I expect. Let me enjoy serving you in my brothers and sisters without counting the cost of my sacrificial waiting for marriage that you will grant me. Let me know what you intended for me from time eternity in this single state of mine. And let me accomplish the task you have laid for me with love. Mother Mary, you who waited intently that the Lord might come into your heart, without any idea that you will bear Him in your womb, within marriage with our Faithful St. Joseph, teach us to surrender ourselves in the infinitely wise plan of God the Father. And let us live in peace. Amen.

SINGLE BLESSEDNESS

There can be a case where someone is not so sure if he will choose marriage or

priesthood, but he cannot also live in single blessedness. Well, what state of life will he still choose to live? It lies in one’s discontentment. If one is not married or a priest, he is by fact of course a bachelor, living that part of a vocation called single blessedness. It is so lonely a vocation today that many only choose between priesthood or religious life and marriage, not being so sure how to live the now of their lives in contentment, that they would start time and again to entertain thoughts of marriage and priesthood or religious life. Single blessedness is one of the three calls from God or vocation enumerated by the Church. But like Dr. Susan Annette Muto, I think it is sounding more abnormal by modern times than ever before.66 When one has no partner one is a gay or angry about life or anything but chaste. For others single blessedness will entail lifetime commitment though some carry it out only for a period of time while finishing worthy and noble cause that is best lived without a marriage partner or priestly office or religious vows. And here we also mean to make it a chaste single blessedness. Solitary pleasure like masturbation or fornication or frequenting prostitution houses is a single’s worst enemy and temptation. One of the motives for choosing single blessedness is that it gives more time for one’s worthy or noble cause. But sexual thoughts

66 See Susan A. Muto, Celebrating the Single Life. (New York: Doubleday, 1982).

destroy a project’s quality and clarity that others might become tempted to question their chosen commitment: “Am I not marrying because I’m afraid of marriage or a gay or anything?” No! Single Blessedness is not a sorry state of life if one is pursuing a worthy cause or completing a project, or merely have chosen that state of life with good reason. But too often recurrent masturbation will drag that clarity to such questions of uncertainty. The answer again is the same—to stop masturbation and go on live one’s single blessed state. While thoughts of entering priesthood or religious community in some way are also a temptation to some singles just because loneliness sets in, it should not be. Rather, one is just to choose the right lay Christian community like the Singles for Christ or Third Order Franciscans. In such a supportive atmosphere, one can live with a community that understands and helps prepare one in chastity either to plan and prepare to enter marriage, priesthood, religious life or to continue being single. Either way, let one’s motives be clear in entering any state of life and let one be responsible for what and where one will commit oneself to in the end. In my case, I chose temporary single blessedness. I am hoping to finish a project and no job can supply ample time for making it while at the same time having a decent income for a family. Next to it, I am just mastering myself to chaste living and trying to relate chastely with the opposite sex without any romance included, and so need no “katipan” yet. But if it would be good for me to have a “katipan” now as a deeper way to experience chaste friendship please grant it Lord, but “if You decided differently, I want whatever You want.”67

However, a bachelor longing for marriage will be overtaken by it and cause himself to masturbate as a form of rebellion against his not being married yet. One, thus, should not use such prayer as above (i.e., “Lord, if marriage is really good for me please grant it) as to cause one to long already for marriage which is not at hand. If repeated too many times it might lead to the stimulation of orgasm that seeks completion. A bachelor should remain thus a bachelor, and even husband and wife should live just as if one is not married,68 i.e., chaste and not according to the standard of the world. While for those who are courting girls, let them not always think too much of them. It would cause too much “insanity.” Rather when one is not in the presence of the girl being courted let him busy himself with the bigger pictures of life. There are lots of things one can do and must do. There are many people to relate with not only with one’s beloved. One can pour out oneself in one’s interests. One must do one’s already existing duties and responsibilities as a bachelor. Finally, one must not think too much of romances with her as if every moment will just be used in daydreaming. Pursuing one’s other interests and responsibilities will be better for one’s preparation for marriage responsibilities. Enough daydreaming of romances is enough when one is already becoming more irresponsible, irrational etc. For example, in my case, I want also to pursue my singing career, but I awoke from my too long vocal practices as already becoming a too much thinking of her with strong emotions released by means of love songs. What I did was to stop it, ate my lunch, exercised, and brushed my teeth with the intention of discontinuing such an already too much romanticizing and emotional if not irrational daydreaming. Let us add some more generalized reflections about music and art here.

67

"Lord, if this is really good for me, please grant it; but if You decide differently, I want whatever You want."—WCC, My Daily Bread, Chap. 30, “Submission to God’s Holy Will.”

68 See 1 Cor. 7:20, 27, 29.

THE LIFE OF THE EMOTIONS ON MUSIC AND POPULAR ARTS

Is the artist’s work of expressing romantic scenes, especially sexual foreplays and the

like, because the script demands it, one of the reasons of the entertainment people’s high rate of broken marriages? An artist works by internalizing the portrayed character if he or she must produce a superb acting. Without the discipline of forgetting about the experiences after the shooting, the rate for continuing the orgasms of the script scenes after the shooting are high. Aside from artists, lots of examples can be given from our modern situation today I wouldn’t further elaborate.

As an alternative to love songs, I prefer classical instrumental songs and popular songs that do not fall short of Christianity like Love is the Answer and many more. There are lots of them. Christians must become critical of the too many good sounding songs out there pleasing our ears. Nevertheless, when scrutinized they often contain immoral lyrics or they have double meanings. We should not listen to these songs even when they have aesthetic values. Moreover, we must picket them also. By far, we can do away with its immoral lyrics, for example by changing it or making it just instrumentals. However, if a song has hit the radio, it will consciously or unconsciously deliver its signature. Further, in the dawn of music television and dance songs, a song can be innocent, lyrically and melodiously, yet the visuals can tell a different story. Thus, when the song plays even without the visuals, one who had seen its MTV before several times concurrently recalls the immoral visuals as one with the whole song. For example, one can argue that the lyrics of the song Spaghetti and Bulaklak popularized by the Sex Bomb dancers are innocent in themselves and should not be interpreted maliciously. Yet, in truth any adult mind cannot but be malicious about the televised girls dancing almost naked. And when aired on FM these concurrent dancing girls are automatically recalled to mind. It gives the impression that it is just ok, that it will not cause sexual licentiousness. However, it is against our principle because human beings are sexual beings that are aroused by such things.

The fact again is that autosuggestions can be that powerful in affecting our moral life in Christ especially when music is used because it is nearest and dearest as a universal language of love.

On the other hand, the sound of hard rock music according to several studies emits sound waves that are injurious to health. Evaluating hard rock music’s destructive sound inclines us to Gandhi’s non-violent philosophy.

With music as nearly twin of our emotions, let us then always be reminded of the general rule, and this also is applied to the emotions in general which in a sexual addict’s life is the primary force that more often go against a rational life. And unless emotions mature in Christ, it cannot be integrated fully with reason and with one’s whole person.

Christian Moral Principles Chapter 8: The Modes of Responsibility Which Specify Principle Question C: What is the third mode of responsibility?

1. The third mode is this: One should not choose to satisfy an emotional desire except as part of one's pursuit and/or attainment of an intelligible good other than the satisfaction of the desire itself. Violations occur when a person deliberately chooses to act upon impulse, habit, or fixation on a particular goal. The proposal one adopts in making such a choice appeals by promising some sense of inner harmony through tension-reduction. Thus, one's reason for acting is the very satisfaction of the emotional desire rather than some intelligible good whose instance has features which arouse the desire. A choice to act on this basis sets aside whatever reason there was for restraint, and the action at least wastes time and energy one might otherwise use for the pursuit of goods in line with upright commitments. In deliberately settling for mere emotional satisfaction, one's choice is not that of a will toward integral human fulfillment. 2. A person sometimes is aware that his or her desire, instead of pointing to some reason to choose to satisfy it, offers only its own satisfaction as a reason for choosing. Yet one can be drawn--and perhaps almost driven--to choose, for example, by a quasi-compulsive desire, by habitual routine, or by a particular goal on which one's heart is fixed. (It sometimes happens that goals which were reasonable at the outset lose their point with the passage of time yet retain their emotional appeal.) This is not the same as the situation in which one spontaneously does reasonable things without having reasoned about them. Nor is it the same as cases in which one acts for an intelligible good and gains emotional satisfaction in its concrete, sensibly pleasant aspects. 3. This mode is violated by the person who sees no point in having another drink, or smoking, or eating a rich dessert, or spending the evening in idle chatter, yet does so in response to an urge. Again: People spend much of their daily lives unreflectively following routines; sometimes doing so is pointless, yet they choose to continue to follow the routine merely for the sake of the feeling of security and accomplishment they gain from doing so. Again: Some people work hard to enjoy a constantly rising standard of living, yet they know that more wealth and material things will yield no more real satisfaction. 4. Some deny the truth of this mode. Their argument is based on the principle that the pleasure accompanying an act shares in the act's own moral quality, good or bad. From this they conclude that if what one does is not otherwise wrong, choosing to do it for the sake of pleasure alone does not make it wrong. The principle is sound, but the conclusion does not follow. The principle applies to acts whose moral quality already is settled, whereas the conclusion concerns possible choices whose moral quality is in question. 5. Moreover, one violates this mode only by making a choice. One has no choice to make unless one hesitates and deliberates, and so one never has occasion to act for the mere satisfaction of an emotional desire unless there is some reason for restraint. Thus, whenever one violates this mode, one acts despite some reason or other. The reason might not be weighty, but any reason inherent in what one chooses for making the choice is better than none, for any such reason will have a basis in intelligible goods.

If a person chooses to engage in some sort of sexual behavior merely to experience pleasure and still desire, this mode is violated. But it is not violated when a married couple spontaneously take pleasure in marital intercourse. If they do not hesitate and deliberate, it is because there is no reason why they should not engage in intercourse. In their situation, it has an inherent intelligible significance, for it expresses and celebrates the larger, intelligible good to which they are committed--namely, their marriage itself as a special sort of friendship. Loving marital intercourse contributes to faithful communion in this relationship, which is structured in a way that integrates sexual behavior in the service of life and its transmission. This substantive good provides the vehicle for the reflexive good of marital friendship, and so it helps distinguish authentic marital friendship from its counterfeits, and love-giving marital intercourse from the use of the marital relationship for self-gratification. 6. The virtuous disposition corresponding to this mode is most appropriately called "self-control" (see S.t., 1-2, q. 61, aa. 2, 4; 2-2, q. 141, aa. 1-2). Violators are not in control of their own lives but are slaves to nonrational motives. Self-control includes at least some aspects of many traditionally recognized virtues, such as temperance, modesty, chastity, and simplicity of life. Also, if "discipline" is used to refer to a virtuous disposition rather than an imposed regimen, a person free from positive nonrational motivation can be called "disciplined." The opposed vice includes at least certain aspects of lustfulness, gluttony, greed, jealousy, envy, shortsightedness, impetuosity, and so on. 7. The foundation for this mode, too, is deepened by divine revelation before Jesus. God makes human persons aware that, being made in his image, they should share in his excellence. Also, in clarifying the reality of free choice and moral responsibility, revelation sharply distinguishes what one does by reasonable choice from what one is moved to do by nonrational drives and habits. Moreover, the life proposed by the Jewish law requires self-discipline. Scripture is filled with condemnations of vicious dispositions which more or less clearly pertain to this mode of responsibility, but in many cases one cannot be sure that the irrational lack of self-control is the precise evil in view. However, certain chapters of the wisdom literature seem to be concerned with this mode, for they gather the criticism of many relevant vices and treat them as forms of foolishness. For example, one chapter in Proverbs criticizes striving to be rich, wasting time with foolish people, neglect of discipline of the young, drinking wine, consorting with prostitutes and adulterous women (see Prv 23). Ecclesiastes contains two passages (see Eccl 2.1-12; 5.9-6.9) in which the vanity of pleasure and riches is underlined; their precise point is that desire for such things leads to no true human good. Sirach specifically commends self-control: "Whoever keeps the law controls his thoughts" (Sir 21.11), and advises: "Do not follow your base desires, but restrain your appetites" (Sir 18.30). He proceeds to condemn satisfaction of lustful desires, momentary pleasure, wine bibbing, gluttony, harlotry, and useless talk (see Sir 18.31-19.11). Other passages point out the uselessness of pursuing riches and the self-punishing character of

miserliness (see Sir 31.1-11; 14.3-10). Again, the self-destructiveness of indulgence in goods is stressed (see Sir 37.26-30). St. Paul takes up an important idea from the wisdom literature that sin and idolatry are at the bottom of a foolishly dissolute life. The pagans were able to know God yet they did not glorify and thank him, so their pretense of wisdom ended in foolishness. They practiced idolatry: "Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves" (Rom 1.24). He instructs Christians to be different: "The night is far gone, the day is at hand. Let us then cast off the works of darkness . . .. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires" (Rom 13.12, 14). That Christians must put aside fleshly desires is a standard element of New Testament instruction (see 2 Cor 7.1; 1 Thes 4.1-5; Jas 1.21; 1 Pt 2.11). What the world offers is not from the Father: "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life, is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world passes away, and the lust of it" (1 Jn 2.16-17).

(C)

EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE WITH GOD

Below are the best passages that gave me confidence in God. It would help those who have lost all hope of ever having a chaste life because of repeated failures of their attempt to stop masturbation totally.

“This was the oath he swore to our father Abraham: to set us free from the hands of our enemies, — free to worship him without fear, holy and righteous in his sight all the days of our life” (Canticle of Zechariah). “I have promised and I will do it, says the Lord.” (Ezekiel 36:36) This is one of His promises: “If you hunger for holiness, God will satisfy your longing, good measure and flowing over.” (Christian Prayer: The Liturgy of the Hours)

And when I was still doubting God’s power and promises, this passage spanked me: “But behold, you will be mute and not able to speak until the day these things take place, because you did not believe my words which will be fulfilled in their own time.” (Luke 1:20).

Then the story of the Annunciation inspired my heart—

“How can this be, since I do not know a man?” And the angel said, “…with God nothing will be impossible.” Then Mary said: “…let it be done unto me according to your word.” (Luke 1:28-38)

The perfection Jesus stated—“You have learned how it was said: You must not commit adultery. But I say this to you: if a man looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Mt. 5:28—entails such an impossible chastity in today’s permissive atmosphere. How can this be since masturbation has been ingrained in me, since pornographic memory recall is easy, its availability widespread, etc? But again, the angel is saying to me, “Nothing is impossible with God!”

God will give us his “grace and justification.”69 One can stop masturbation by avoiding the occasions that causes masturbation be it internal or external. Our Literature states that we can do the good because God’s grace in Christ Jesus is sufficient. I must not be proud that I have done good but has to recognize that “the grace of Christ is the gratuitous gift that God makes to us of his own life, infused by the Holy Spirit into our soul to heal it of sin and to sanctify it.” [italics mine]70 Therefore, every good habits that we form in ourselves is only true in the light of “habitual grace, the permanent disposition to live and act in keeping with God’s call…”71

Why have I become repentant, weeping for my sins and calling on the mercy of God? Why have I pursued the knowledge of myself so that I might be able to become chaste? Who taught me the value of chastity? “Mabuti ba ako at hinangad ko ang mabuti? Ako pa nga ang naghahangad ng kasamaan at sa lahat ng sarap nito. Pero sino ang nagpapanatili sa akin upang patuloy kong disiplinahin ang sarili ko sa kalinisan? Hindi baga may isang bagay na labas sa aking pagkataong makasalanan na siyang sanhi ng mga mabubuting bagay na ginagawa ko na ngayon?” (Am I good thereby I desire good? I even am the one who desires evil and all of its pleasures. But who or what maintains me on the discipline of chastity? Might there be a thing outside me as a sinner that is the cause of the goodness that resides in me now.) Of course, I can do what is good now. Shall I be proud of it? Or shall I continuously praise the Savior who every minute of my life sustains me by His all-sufficient grace to become holy and righteous in his sight all the days of my life.

I might not see clearly how cooperation between God and man happens, but I need not go further to understand that mystery. “Since it belongs to the supernatural order, grace escapes our experience and cannot be known except by faith.”72 Although we can actually sense and experience grace mighty and small, active or restive, though not always, and with an affirmation that can be: 1) it is not really me who acted (but other Agent), 2) it is me who acted but with help or infusion from outside myself (cooperation), 3) it is me who acted it (sin)--suffice it to know that by His grace I can become chaste in time, which is not impossible. I must trust His promises. When the appointed time comes, that you find yourself clean, chaste, you will be mute, speechless in disbelief of what you are already experiencing. Despair should not be the last vocabulary of a soul trying to hunger for holiness. It should be hope.

69 See CCC, art. 1987-2016.

70 CCC, art. 1999.

71 CCC, art. 2000.

72 CCC, art. 2005.

Prayer

Lord, I pray that my addiction may come to an end. I know you will lead me to this end, to your kingdom of peace and love. I know I am weak but you have revealed your power to me, your power to save me, to justify me a sinner, to sanctify me. Let me have confidence in your love to me my Lord, as did your Little Flower. Nevertheless, let me know that “there is no holiness without renunciation and spiritual battle,”73 and thus let me persevere to the end with all my total trust in your grace. Amen.

DOES GOD WILL MASTURBATION?

“I have asked God’s grace, and yet He has not spared me from my weakness,” is a wrong sentiment. The same with, “I have done all my best but I still relapsed. Why did God still said that he will save me from my sins and not do it?” They are words full of errors but can exist undetected. The fact is clear from our Literature: “God’s grace is sufficient.” The masturbator’s cooperation is lacking. “A man helped by God, can, if he will, be without sin.” However, those who have struggled against masturbation for long and still have not achieved a masturbation-free life express such sentiments. The sentiment that baffles them is this:

I want to free myself from addictive masturbation that bad enough but is God really helping me that bad enough. If he can make miracles why can’t he seem to even save me; or, on the contrary is masturbation what He really mean as the thorn in the flesh described by St. Paul that will keep me from getting proud and so masturbation is good if it really can’t be controlled and is permitted thus by God as not that sinful. That by this, one will no longer see God as causing a masturbator so much a trouble and thus should only be seen as a normal part of life, as eating or drinking is while masturbation should not be practiced in regulation but just comes in its own natural way or caused by God… Lo, it will end by changing the doctrine of the church about masturbation. Wanda

Poltawska, a professor of Pastoral Medicine at the Pontifical Academy of Cracow said that our sexual faculty does not work if not stimulated.74 And if induced, then the stimulator, ourselves ultimately, should be the culprits and not God, which we have already pointed as signifying inadequately directed effort.75 A relapse then should not make one lose hope and curse God. Better if a relapse is seen as an indicator that one is not yet doing the right things, just as a runner always gets feedback if he has broken his earlier record or lagged to a slower pace.

73

CCC, art. 2015. 74

Poltawska, Priestly Celibacy, in subtopic “The myth of orgasm.” 75

To reiterate: “Failure and frustration need not signify impossibility; perhaps they signify inadequately directed effort.”—WCC, CMP Ch.17 Appen. 2.

God does not will masturbation. The masturbator just does not use God’s graces or in other terms, he has just not yet mastered chastity or adequately directed his effort to achieving it.

A masturbator praying “Thy will be done” should state it clearly thus:

You will not tempt me to masturbate, you don’t want me to masturbate, and you want for me a masturbation-free life. Lord, help me achieve such life you have always longed for us. Let me not see you as not helping me that bad enough. Let me not interpret your Word from your apostle Paul as meaning that masturbation will make us humble and so masturbate.76 Let me understand that a masturbation-free life is the normal way of life. And let me pray thus, “Thy will be done.” Let the hardened rationalizer in us be cast away by You. Amen.

May God’s Holy Will Be Done77

O Lord, do to me whatever shall seem good in Thy sight. If Thou

willest that I should be in darkness,[78] blessed be Thou! If Thou willest that I should be in light, still blessed be Thou! If Thou deignest to comfort me, blessed be Thou. And if Thou willest that I should be afflicted, equally blessed be Thou forever! I will willingly suffer for Thee, O Lord, whatever Thou willest should come upon me. I am ready to receive alike from Thy hand good and evil,[79] sweet and bitter, joy and sadness, and to give thanks for everything that befalls me. Keep me only

from all sin [emphasis mine] and I will fear neither death nor Hell. Cast me not off forever, nor blot me out of the Book of Life, and whatsoever tribulation befalleth me shall not hurt me.

DESPAIR AND DOING THE GOOD

Continue doing the good, and always do the good. Too many times in my life as a compulsive masturbator, I have often despaired. Too

many times too that doing the good is the only possible way out of the dead end corruption.

76 2 Cor. 12:8-10 “Three times I besought the Lord about this, that it should leave me; but he said to me,

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

77 Excerpt prayer from Fr. Jeremias Drexelius, S.J., Heliotropium. ed. Ferdinand E. Bogner, qtd. from

Imitation of Christ, Bk. III, Ch.17, (TAN Books and Publishers, Inc., 1912), 401. Our rebellious brothers who rationalize as good in God’s sight the evil of their own doings can also use this.

78 Many times mostly in the beginning, the book Heliotropium cites the word “sin excepted.” One must

inculcate in one’s mind that darkness does not mean sinfulness. It wants to state that there are lots of darkness in our lives which are not sins of our own doings.

79 Again from WCC, although God uses our sinfulness to add wisdom in us, let such notion not be used as

an excuse for one to sin, to masturbate.

…by slothfulness our wills become weaker and weaker, and we end up unable to resist other sins…for the things we are doing may be activities we like to do, which are done in place of what we ought to be doing…God expects a return on His investment in us; He expects us to grow and develop ourselves.80

Some clarification about what we like to do. We are not exorcising to cast away our

emotional life, but have to insist on our principle of intelligible good, because the desiring aspect of an addict or compulsive is negatively convoluted that, more than often, it has an upper hand than what is intelligibly good. Rather, I suggest reading Wilkie Au's "By Way of the Heart" for an in depth processing on integrating our desires with our moral life. Not to mention that only in heaven will we have a fully integrated emotional life.

On the other hand, Robert Brennan says something about always acting the good. He said that every occasion must be taken to practice what is good to make for ease and grace in doing what is good or virtuous.81 In addition, the Church teaches that even venial sins must also not be committed. As St. Augustine points, we fear venial sins because they are many.

It is a great struggle to do again the first good thing at hand that one must do; yet, it is the only way out of cursing and blaspheming God. Do not ask God why he made you a compulsive masturbator and an elect of hell. By asking such a question, you are passing the blame on God, and thus the responsibility on God to act. But you must be the one to act out your conversion not God who has already given you the grace to mend your ways. The problem is that you easily surrender because of the numerous things to do and practice in time. The technique is to think of the steps to be done. Then one must do the first step, the first priority, the first good thing at hand that one must do "here and now" as John Paul II always attaches.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta has taught that only at the beginning do we struggle in doing a difficult task. But once started, the work one does becomes easier as one continues doing it. “The more one does what is good the freer one becomes,”82 CCC says.

Thomas Nelson said that we do not know the good because we do not want to do it, and thus we do not want to know it.83 Too many times did I say, “What am I to do?” But the answer is, “I know what to do. I just have to carry it out, but just not carrying it out.”84

On the other hand, there are times when we really do not know what is good. On such moments, we have to pray and beg the Lord continuously. We should never become weary until he answer us and show us the right way.

In line with this is St. Therese of the Child Jesus’ teaching of her “Little Way.” Evagrius also said, “…they [the demons] prevent us from doing what is easy and urge us to do what is impossible…. to make the soul fall into a state of discouragement.”85 Let us thus pray, “St. Therese teach me your Little Ways.” This prayer helps much those who are ambitious or milleniaristic or positivistic. St. Therese promised her help to those who pray it. We do not have to think of the great good that we can do, but actually cannot yet carry out or may not at all. Of

80

Nelson, How to Avoid Hell, 250. 81

Robert Edward Brennan, O.P. Thomistic Psychology: A Philosophic Analysis of the Nature of Man.

(New York: The Macmillan Company, 1941), 260-279. 82

CCC, art. 1733. 83

Nelson, How to Avoid Hell, “The Role of Conscience” 374ff. 84 See Deut. 30:11-14.

85 Evagrius, “The Intelligent Enemy” qtd. in “On the Active Life” Winnowing Fan, Vol. VI, No. 6.

course, we cherish hope for the great or simple good that we want to accomplish in our lifetime. But we always remind ourselves that the best should not be the enemy of the good. And rather than fall into despair when hard times hit our idealism, we just have to do what is possible, what good I must do at this moment.86 Thus by carrying what is here and now good, we become what we do. Moreover, the prospect of the future becomes good too.

“Tot seminaristae, tot sacerdote,” as our formators back in the seminary are wont to say. What you are today as a seminarian, you will become as a priest. The saying has a wisdom that applies in general that who you are today, what you do today, you’ll do also tomorrow. The point is not to worry about tomorrow like, “Will it be good for me to become a priest or a husband?” but to live what is good today which are many and varied even small or insignificant in itself. Then, whether in priesthood or marriage, that little amount of daily deposit will earn big tomorrow.

MY DAILY BREAD87

The Way of Purification Temptation Chapter 62 Despair CHAPTER 62 Despair CHRIST:

MY CHILD, when temptations persist and keep returning, do not despair. In all real needs I am always near and ready to help you. I will give you My grace and whatever else is necessary for you to keep out of sin. 2. Do not fear or worry. Keep your courage high, and be prepared to go on fighting your temptations. You are not lost because you are tempted often. Your human inclinations do not always follow reason, and so they provide many a temptation to sin. 3. Your first step toward safety lies in realizing your weakness. Secondly, do not become discouraged by temptations. Simply keep on doing your best to turn your mind and will toward other objects. No temptation can make you sin. 4. How often it happens that someone is making his greatest progress at the very time when he thinks that he is slipping. I look at your intention and your effort. By these I judge your loyalty to Me. 5. Go on trying for My sake. Do not consider yourself a failure simply because you feel like one. Be brave and follow Me. I have overcome the world. With My help you shall win the daily battle for Heaven.

86 WCC, LCL, Chap.2, Ques. E, 5.d. 87

WCC

THINK: The tendency to give up is in all men. To overcome it, God gives us the virtue of hope. Why despair? All is not lost just because I feel that it is so. God wants me to hope in His mercy and to trust in His love. Temptations may come and go; they may even linger for hours and days, but it is my will which decides what I really want and what I am in the eyes of God. PRAY:

My God, I want to obey Your law and follow Your Will in all things. Though my feelings may reach out for what is bad, help me to do what is right and good. Give me a glimpse of Your wisdom, so that I may see more clearly what harm and evil is in all sin. If I should fail in a moment of weakness, let me not despair. I hope in Your mercy. I trust in Your goodness and love. Never will I think that my sins are greater than Your mercy. No matter how bad I have been, Your goodness is great enough to forgive me. Give me the wisdom and strength to hate I all sin in the future. I shall not despair nor will I be discouraged by my mistakes. Help me to fight an honest daily battle against all sin. Amen.

AM I READY FOR A LIFELONG BATTLE?

Powerpointing88

(Consider what I will be speaking here as simply the counting of beads of sacrifice during St. Therese’ childhood days. Now sexual addicts are worse than innocent children for they have lost control of themselves, and made themselves even slaves of this particular passion. Sexual addicts then need the counting of beads of sacrifice more than children do. Yet in the final analysis it is the “not counting” counsel of St. Therese that made all the sense for we are to do little acts of mercy by desire or by emotion, meaning really desiring it, in contrast with powerpointing’s reason-logic bias, because we are to reeducate the emotion of sexual addicts who have lost all of its control to lust’s rule that resulted to overall waywardness.)

“Let not small and trivial sins be overlooked because they are small; but rather fear them because they are many.

With Little drops the river is filled. Through narrow chinks in the ship the water oozes in, the hold keeps filling, and if it be disregarded the ship is sunk.”89

—St. Augustine Am I ready for a lifelong battle? Patience and hope are the greatest armor in the battle

against one’s compulsive masturbation. Patience gives one the strength to go on fighting even it seems that too many failures and relapses are all there is to harvest. Hope is the greatest virtue against despair i.e., “to hope against all hope”90 even there seems to be no hope in sight of ever attaining a masturbation-free life.

88 Warning: Please read the next article “Obeying St. Therese” that sheds the real light about

powerpointing. Powerpointing has become necessary because of the animalistic life that sexual addiction have artificially habitualized. Wherefore an animal is controlled by the sensual, it is not similarly true of man’s animal side, which by reason of his rational being, has an immortal soul, a real free agent of his own acts to do this or to shun that according to reason and not just according to what is sensually fulfilling.

89 St. Augustine, “Small Sins” (Venial Sins) English version, Winnowing Fan, Vol. XXI No. 5.

90 CCC, art. 1819.

In such regard, we take St. Augustine’s advice to take care not to permit small sin against chastity.

In his book “Seat of the Soul” Gary Sucav’s positive attitude will help one who is already despairing to achieve such power against masturbation:

1) The temptation will surface again and again. Each time that you challenge it you gain power and it loses power.

2) If you look upon each recurrence of attraction as a setback, or as an indication that your intention is not working, you choose the path of learning through fear and doubt.

3) If you look upon each recurrence as an opportunity that is offered to you, in response to your intention, to release your inadequacy and to acquire power over it, you choose the path of learning through wisdom.

4) The first time you challenge your addiction, 2nd and 3rd, you may not feel that anything has been accomplished. Do you think that authentic power can be had so easily? As you hold to your intention, and as you choose again and again and again and again and again and again to become whole, you accumulate power and the addiction that you thought could not be challenged will lose its power over you.

5) It may be that your addiction has provided you one of the few genuine pleasures of your life. What is more important to you, your wholeness, and your freedom, or the pleasures that you get from satisfying your addiction?

6) Move into how strong the power of your addiction is, into how deeply you feel its attraction, and ask yourself if the time is really right for you to release this form of learning (unlearning). If that is the path that you will eventually take, why wait?

7) You will once again enter the fullness of who you are. You will see what purposes your addiction served. You will survey what has been learned. If you choose to continue with your addiction you choose to be unconscious. You choose to learn through fear and doubt, because you fear your addiction and you doubt your power to challenge it successfully.91

At this point I’m introducing a technique I call powerpointing providing me the

cooperative aspect with God and displacing my blasphemy against God as pure worthless invention. It introduced me for the first time to see each recurrence as not tests from God to put me down again but a joy filled experience which when accumulated will set me free. Powerpointing is the doing of the good and avoiding of evil counted. Powerpointing recognizes the accumulated points as giving one the power to do the good or the ease of doing good. The process focuses on one’s cooperation with the Supreme Being, on the reality of merit, and rather than belittle the role of grace and prayer, it acts on the teaching of Christ that only those who do the commandments of God will be saved.92

(One can jump and later just go back to these technical discussions)

[As I do powerpointing, I am mindful of the idea that a virtuous life not just avoids evil but also does good. WCC termed it the living of one’s personal vocation.

With such a new principle in mind, I became confused and could not name the significance of powerpointing. While not knowing what to choose from among the goods possible to pursue also, I continued on powerpointing my way of everyday life. Yet there seems to be something missing. There has been no direction yet that I have chosen, and my emotions say to me this and that is what I like to do. Bu the feeling's authenticity, rather, is unconvincing. Being a compulsive and an artist put me into disadvantage because I always have to tame my unchaste and powerful emotions all mixed up, which unfortunately made me hateful of the life of my emotions in

91 Gary Sucav, Seat of the Soul,

92 Matthew 7:21.

general. I realized later that not all of my emotions should be tamed. Some emotions good in themselves must be acted out if I really want to with reason approving the move, and that is who I am, that is what my real choices are which must always rule out intrinsic evil.93 However, I always have to authenticate these emotions if it is reasonable (intelligible good as WCC names it), according to the commandments of Christ, etc.94 Then is when the activity of discernment starts, where powerpointing in itself is deficient.

In the Encyclical letter Veritatis Splendor Pope John Paul II said that there are lower limits to morality but there is no higher limit, meaning in the discernment process the least requirements of morality must be observed without any choice: we are all compelled to obedience not to do evil. It does not end there though. And we continually ask what is good, and then what is acceptable, and what is perfect95 in such regard are we introduced into the hard food of the soul not all at once.

There is also the threefold discussion on the role of conscience by Thomas A. Nelson. According to him the "three basic ingredients that coalesce to make up what we call conscience are:

1) The moral knowledge that we have in our minds without being taught, in other words, what we know with the use of our unaided reason;

2) the moral principles we have learned (from parents, in school, etc.) and 3) the effects of our moral behavior (good or bad actions)" For an addict number three is the most damaged. This is what is healed by powerpointing: our ability to

know what is good by doing what is good so that we may know, accept, and continually live what is good which is chastity that has to be learned as good by training in chastity. Therefore powerpointing is more on "willing and doing what is good" that also affects "knowing what is good".

The system of powerpointing is not goal setting and is not discernment itself. Rather, it makes one capable of setting a goal and it makes one capable of achieving a goal. It is the dynamo that must be directed, an open system that has to be programmed. One should not expect that one will no longer have to undergo discernment of one’s personal vocation if one is powerpointing. Rather, discernment process must be included to be powerpointed if one must.

In my case, this growth in discerning as stunted because of early impure thoughts and compulsive masturbation, put me into a fantasy world that hampered and even stopped the development of who I am, my skills, talents, of what I want to do. Though there is a need too of affirming that the capacity to know what is good is present by way of judgment about what is really good though one has been addicted, yet early training in innocence and intervention to forestall sexual addiction is better than anything. Again, my sentiment, that chastity has a great value in the development of human beings and it starts at childhood.

Continuing our definition of powerpointing, it seems to be rigid too. It must bend a little.96 The little bending seems to be the freedom to do or choose any of the good as really good excepting intrinsic evil. First, “In a situation where many choices are possible it does not seem necessary to suppose always that only one of these is according to God’s will.”97 Second, it seems to be saying too that doing the good that we know must give way sometimes when in doubt to reflecting if the good that we know is really good. We can call it seeking the truth that the encyclical letter of Pope John Paul II “Veritatis Splendor” commends. Prayer and the fact of grace, the process of discernment, the process of scientific inquiry and several other processes are not powerpointing itself. Though we will have the heaviest insistence here early on that no one can do good without grace from God which works mysteriously, and even powerpointing cannot be done without the grace that comes from our Lord Jesus. We conclude that the powerpointing that we will be using here is the systematic doing of the good that we already believe is the good and the systematic avoidance of intrinsic evil. It is systematic in a way that we habitualize the good and unlearn the vice by counting, believing that, in accord with Aristotle’s idea, repetition of an act makes for ease or power in doing it. And in the modern idea of the neuroplasticity98 of the mind (where it was proven that our brain has the capacity to grow and train new cells to become what we need it to become in the cases of brain damages, abnormality in the brain, incurable obsessions and traumas), repetition or practice over years though very tiresome and monotonous, is the key. In our case here, the use of pornographic materials and practice of

93 John Paul II, Encyclical Letter, Veritatis Splendor, art. 80. 94 By Way of the Heart by Wilkie Au, S.J. is one of the good books for this purpose. Consult most

especially chapter 3 of the book “Heart Searching and Life Choice”. 95 See Rom. 12:2 96 Wilkie Au, S.J., By Way of the Heart, 201. 97 Ibid., 69.

98 Reader’s Digest, "The Plastic Brain" by Sarah Scott. August 2008.

masturbation starting from early childhood changed the developing brain negatively unlike the brain of a child living in innocence.

In human beings, though fallen by effect of original sin, we recognize a normal will from an abnormal will. Powerpointing helps to restore such normalcy, i.e. normal fallen nature or without compulsion. But then this normal fallen human nature will not be perfect that it will not have struggles and temptations anymore. A former compulsive or addict need no less self esteem when compulsion or addiction is not there anymore. He becomes at par with the rest of humanity, yet he need not absolutize the system of powerpointing, neither his capacity for goodness. He will realize that even powerpointing is a limited system needing the grace of the Lord. So that I added the practice of telling Jesus, “Lord, I only have seven points, please help me.”

Thus human nature, by way of cooperation as a secondary cause needs to open up the door so that Christ saving grace may enter. Here is where once a great sinner is forgiven much, gratitude is much. Powerpointing must be done in the atmosphere of this gratefulness. The capacity to act goodness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit and so becomes a fitting sacrifice of thanksgiving.

No one though knows how our real free act can be an act also of the Primary Cause which is a mystery of our faith. Yet by faith we still have to affirm both that we have to act freely and God causes us to act. Our purpose though here is not to solve an unsolvable mystery though a bit explainable. The question of passivity and activity of powerpointing is beguilling. But suffice it to say that not all the goods of the day comes from our acts. Some we have to affirm as purely coming from the Lord, some coming from our free acts (though we don’t know how God is part of the process), and some coming from cooperation between the two, though everything is grace. Our main purpose is to practice chaste acts little by little if not all at once which is unrecognized by a compulsive or addict.

We then add to such idea that psychology can discover better ways to do good but we still have to do it anyway. (Again it is not the science of psychology doing good even without grace from God, but that grace is always presupposed to be working always) Here, good habituation, which is the effect of powerpointing, helps. While virtuous life needs prudence and not just power to restrain oneself (temperance), to go ahead (fortitude), to sacrifice oneself (justice) we are problematizing the addict’s or compulsive’s dilemma of an uncontrollable behavior. We are then helping him by powerpointing, yet we are clarifying to him that powerpointing is not grace itself (though it is graced, because both to will and to act is God's grace), not virtue yet, not prudence, not a scholarly act. In spite of this, healing his incapacity, like through the help of powerpointing, will aid grace, virtue, prudence, scholarly act, or his whole life. Carlo Caffarra in his book "Living in Christ" points to three stages of good acts, virtue, and contemplation. Powerpointing is properly in the domain of good acts struggling for integral goodness. It is not grace, for my experience of counting the good I have done does not include counting those that I have not done. Somebody did it, be it inside me or outside me. Pure grace is different from grace with my cooperation (though as always presupposing that even my cooperation, conscious that I am the one who did it, is not in any way outside the scope of grace). “I did it Lord, thank you!” is the shortest and most descriptive affirmation of such a

reality we call grace.] We also have to explain recurrence and differentiate it from relapse. Recurrence does

not mean relapse to masturbation again, but recurrence means the repeat of the temptation that makes one masturbate either by thought, circumstances, problems, etc. Recurrence is the temptation that sprouts from nowhere or has been stimulated by anything or by one’s unconscious or uncontrolled self, but not entertained or acted out but rather cut out, and one rechannels one’s consciousness and/or activity.99 The need is to focus on value, those we see in Christ which is subjectively effective, rather than nonvalue (e.g. not masturbating, not thinking impurely).100

Personally, one has to observe the no relapse rule exactly, no impure thinking and no masturbation, but does not have to use such exact measure to judge others. Encouraging and helping others achieve such a free masturbation life is enough. As Dr. Cline has said to his clients, “When relapses occur, I don’t beat them up. I point out that relapses are just part of a growth experience and explain what can be learned from the relapse that will protect them in the

99 For further study see Wilkie Au in his book “By Way of the Heart” who differentiates repression from suppression and recommends that we need not fear our sexuality in the end. Sexuality that gives vitality once repressed (or saying an energetic no according to Lindworski in his "Training of the Will") dulls life.

100 Idea developed from Lindworsky, Training of the Will.

future. I try to give them hope. I point out the progress already made and the good things done.”101 The question does not point us towards if relapses are part of the learning process, but the grave focal point is that one is learning not to have relapses anymore. Indeed the counselor or the masturbator should not underestimate in any way anyone’s or one’s moral capacity in Christ to become chaste and to be thus accountable.

Here is how typically powerpointing works: Each recurrence and good act done counts as one i.e., “one point,” “two points,” “three points”… “six points” and so on though I’m not the one causing the recurrence but tries to rechannel my mind as each recurrence happens. The starting day may be recorded and from then hence no relapse should be permitted. The table below is just for examples’ sake. You can make your own depending on what will really help you become aware of what works to achieve a masturbation-free life.

Date Recurrence Good Act

Started Dec. 18, 2002

1. For example I counted “one” my getting up in bed just to shift my already becoming sexual attention to other things

2. I went out of the room because I feel a great urge to masturbate. I went on a place where others can see me.

3. Etc.

4. I’m so lazy doing my laundry. But I found out that by doing this I am actually also gaining power to do things. I forced myself to do the laundry, which I counted as one. Then I went to work out other things which I counted also thereby feeling myself, as it accumulated, more at ease and enjoying already to do other worthwhile activities.

5. I went to buy gasoline

6. Etc. Dec. 19 1,2,3 4,5,6,7 Dec. 20 So on…

Additional insights from my powerpointing experience

1. First time you do this, the first point will often be as painful but as life giving as childbirth. The next points often are the same.

2. What I do when I have relapsed even I have already counted 21 powers from God, is to go back to zero again. But even if I have no relapse or actual masturbation, yet I feel I am as weak as before after many points have been counted, I still make it a point to make “one” the starting number that really measure in reality the capacity of my will.

101

See Appendix B

3. There often comes a time when you no longer have to consciously count as if you have achieved some ease and mastery.

4. But these ease and mastery seem to elapse because one is really in reality entertaining the temptations that come which one doesn’t really yet know how to handle and win over. And so, it is our responsibility to rebuild again our capacity by powerpointing through a conscious effort (as if constant practice is necessary) starting with “one” again.

5. As a person masters it, the more one will notice that there will come a time that recurrence is not playing in the scene, but more of the good act is being counted. The good acts are now the primary player in one’s becoming chaste. I do what I already know sincerely as good. Then, one pushes oneself to know if it is really good or what is really objectively good and one prays that one might be able to know and do it. We affirm the call of Pope John Paul II in his Encyclical Veritatis Splendor that the universal good is capable of being applied in specific situation here and now and so conscience tells us this and that is good. Don’t get me wrong with such details, for a sexual addict is one of the worst rationalizer of his vice and thus transfers to all facets of his life knowingly or unknowingly.

6. But hardly does temptation be eradicated that times of periodic compulsion will resurface again. This calls for the basics again, to count one, two, three…

7. But after some time of greater and longer degree of mastery, powerpointing will not be by then the name of the game. It may sometimes call for a greater witnessing and living of the faith, social actions, the advancement of one’s career and talents, etc. But although powerpointing will not make its place as was before, it may prove its usefulness time and again in living the other virtues and moral precepts, for example the living of one’s temperance in eating or the eating of whole nutritious food or the eradication of sloth in oneself counting one, two, three…

8. I cannot powerpoint or do the good (positive “Thou should”) if I will not stop masturbation first (negative “Thou should not”). I observe that powerpointing has the process of going first in its negative phase to its positive phase. That is why we cannot give alms to the poor correctly if we are unrepentant sex addicts on the other hand. Struggling sex addicts seek a healing that is on the way towards loving or wanting the good of others as included in our idea of the good. Then charity that covers a multitude of sin must take effect also. Powerpointing is not grace or love but an atmosphere where grace and love flourish. In the normal fallen sphere, this is what they call patch work. Yet we are confronted here by the magnitude of damage of real compulsion with early childhood origin that continued through adolescence without intervention.

9. Doing the good that a desperate person must do or prioritize doing is too much. I do not mean they must not do it. I only mean it is better to do some easier good things one can do at the moment, than not do any good at all only because one cannot do what he must do. The idea of escaping doing the good one must do by doing the easier ones is not the idea. One must do the lower limits of morality, while the higher limits cannot be the uniform duty of everybody. One is given only 10 talents, the other, 100 talents, and some 500 talents. God’s role of giving more goods to those who already have is by his previous performance of faithfully doubling the given talent, or let us say in the minimum just to have some interest by putting it in the bank. By this, one’s power to do the harder good things is also building up, and it later will empower one to do the harder ones. So, start powerpointing those good things one can easily do. Then try to do the next, and if you already have build up powers, the harder ones. For example, our talents make it easy for us to use it, if we have been trained in business rigorously starting at childhood and we are then business-savvy, then it’s our gift we have to use and we can use with ease and

skill. If we find it hard to go to Mass during Sundays on the other hand, we don’t have the choice to just tithe as an alternative in not attending mass, for Catholics are duty bound. We then improvise—showering early, putting on our clothes an hour earlier, etc. If we find it hard to work abroad, then start becoming an entrepreneur in the little ways one can easily start with, and then one will learn the rope and enter into more difficult entrepreneural skills. We can’t exhaust possible and doable goods. There is no higher limits to morality. We refer to the Catholic Church who teaches what is sinful and what is not. If there is real progress, then it is in the direction of good acts becoming a virtue in time.

10. With all of these or just one of these guides, one must not forget that it is by praying without ceasing, until one receives an unmerited gift, that one becomes graced to do good and avoid evil.

11. It doesn't matter if you're stuck at 16 counts of good acts as long as you're continuously doing what is good or powerpointing. Other days might sometimes become like that while on the contrary other days you're counting almost to 96 points and above. There seems to be in such a case a breaking of previous record of doing what's good next day around, as if, if you're seeing your previous record, you can break it next time or at least maintain such a level. Or so, at least there is a gauge that I am doing something rather than nothing. It has to be done without stop or cutting. Days where you powerpoint and days where you don't are not the idea for a healing to spring. Just like a cream that needs to be applied so that itching will ease, losing the itch after three days of applying need not stop one for the cream to be effective, which the instruction tells needs to be applied 2 to 3 times a day for 20 to 30 days. In order to achieve excellence or heroic virtue in this once in a lifetime earthly life, powerpointing has to be continuous and without interruption as long as mastery isn't in sight. Why? Consider neuroplasticity’s idea as an empirical support, minding that repetition, as seemingly nonsense, is the key itself to mastery or in the neurologist's word, forming of new neuropaths and cells that controls chastity and transforms cells to other good use. Be wary then, for if you feel stuck at 16 or 3 points only, oftentimes already it might be that you're not proactive. We have to "be solicitous to make our call and election permanent"102 and thus to always find ways to increase our power or proactively search for some good acts to add to our merit. While it can be that the habitualizing effect already set in, it is always safe to assume the contrary, and take the narrow path of holiness, and continue on to the idea that though we are finished with the lower limits of morality, while thingking that there's no upper limit to morality, we can unlimitly achieve excellence without end and thus give the greatest glory to God's holy name. Besides even without powerpointing the complete attitude of the teaching of Mother Church to "always" act according to the judgement of one's correct conscience applies. 12. Is powerpointing for particular act mastery only or for general purpose? It is in the general mode. If the attitude will not be always do what is good here and now, then it is not just the good of chastity that one is concerned about but all the sphere of goodness. Better for powerpointing to have a mode like that than just limit doing what is good in the chastity level only which is not theoretically sound and integrative. What is the good? Good is particularized in individual situations starting from a universal concept of good. a) Now if powerpointing will be used to focus on attaining chastity in particular only, the judgement of our conscience only should, because we have to always do what is good, and conscience will tell us to do something to counteract the effect of addiction. b) Now if it will be used to focus to attain financial stability or job advancement too, it will entail the wealth of knowledge in general on how to achieve and

102 2 Peter 1:10

maintain financial stability which seems to be more on the normal dealings with life and the normal moral judgement and act. It is because it seems that a virtuous life needs to always exert effort in doing what is good that powerpointing seems to support. That we can thus safely conclude that normal and abnormal people can always draw strength from that one capacity human beings have been endowed with: the capacity to do good, redeemed and graced by God, is accessible whether to combat addiction or to attain holiness. As CCC tells us about virtue:

Human virtues are firm attitudes, stable dispositions, habitual perfections of intellect and will that govern our actions, order our passions and guide our conduct according to reason and faith. They make possible ease, self-mastery and joy in leading a morally good life. The virtuous man is he who freely practices the good.

The moral virtues are acquired by human effort. They are the fruit and seed of morally good acts; they dispose all the powers of the human being for communion with divine love.103

As such, I can never tell when to stop powerpointing, if it is just for addicts, for special training of the will, for I can boldly tell anybody to stop counting as long as the attitude to always do the good is present. It is not the counting but it is the attitude of always doing the good that becomes a character that becomes a habit, and a virtue. While fixation in the counting can lead to dynamism--doing good for the sake of acquiring points, overlooks and even completely blur the two other aspect of what is good which is the circumstances and the intention, I safely state that the counting aspect is good for all kinds of recovery from

addiction or compulsion if not for normal saved fallen human beings. virtuous fallen human nature normal sinful saved by Jesus Christ

abnormal (compulsion, addiction)

Not just counting but the quantity aspect, the kilos by food binge for overweights, the per stick of cigarette for the smokers, and what good they do on the other hand to shift the kinesis from avoiding sin to doing good. That just complicate matter for sexual addicts which is not an addiction for an object outside but inside. That just completely force me to assume that the inside pleasure triggered by our abused freedom that made an inordinate attachment to orgasm can only be solved by will training if not strengthening the will that Lindworsky points is not plausible scientifically. I don't know what is better than counting, but as long as the attitude is there, you can device any technique and even better technique to prepare the inordinate will to conform to Christ, to be free from our artificially made prisons, for Christ has set us free. 14. In the problem of indecisiveness in life's multiple good choices for example, only the continuous doing of the good already known here and now will pull us out of stagnation and inertia, and propels life triggering a good choice at last in the unknown zone; not the other way around where you seem to be reflecting without any fruit whatever for days and months what

103 CCC, art. no. 1804.

really to do with one's life, you're stuck and it seems life is not moving. By the way, stagnancy, or as the saints name it, sloth, is a source of temptation to sexual pleasure.

Finally, every powerpointing endeavor I have done seems inclined to rejoicing at the small acts I have been able to add up to my good acts. Then every rejoicing tends to arrogance. So I prayed that God may show me what is wrong with such arrogance which spoils the kind of true joy I do need. Divine Mercy showed me that by deeper discernment, more patient enquiry and prayer through the enlightenment of the Spirit, I agonized to pray these words:

“Lord have mercy on all the dilapidated goods I have been able to achieve

all throughout these years, some through powerpointing. I do not deserve your help, but it is your mercy I implore. I even deserve the lot I do have now from which some you have already prevented me from suffering. Your mercy the saints taught me, especially St. Therese and St. Faustina, is immensely rich and immeasurable though we do not deserve to receive it. We just have to ask for it that is why it is called mercy. Without your mercy Lord no kind of technique alone, like powerpointing, can lead us to the land of promise that even in this life we can already experience. I need your mercy for the imperfect control I have of my temperance, for the lack of fortitude to forge ahead and accomplish tasks that are pro-poor, for the lack of justice in my dealings with my fellow human beings, and for the prudence that has not shown itself in my deepest reflection and long and arduous studies. ‘If you oh Lord should mark our guilt, Lord who would survive. But with you is found forgiveness for this we revere you.’ Lord, have mercy on all the imperfect goods I have shortly achieved. Cover me with your precious blood and save me from the wrath of your justice that cuts down every fruitless tree. Be merciful to me so that I can now truly achieve your perfect will for my life.”

Then I really have to streamline powerpointing in the Catholic practices. Where can I

find such counting as an attitude of the saints in becoming holy? I have found none. I even found St. Therese telling not to count but to do it all out of love104 which is discussed in the next topic. However, I still recommend counting good acts (which is not virtue yet) for compulsives or addicts, not for noncompulsives or nonaddicts. St. Faustina and St. Maximilian Kolbe's little acts of mercy even how insignificant is beautiful in the eyes of God. Now I can safely advise to study their lives and writings and do away with the idea of any “powerpointing” that does not conform with these great witnesses of Divine Mercy. The idea later will be that loving is the complete opposite of sexual addiction, and that charity covers a multitude of sin, but the problem is that we think always of grandiose acts of charity that we forget that little acts of mercy are beautiful too in the eyes of God. Might as well remember here the Lord’s word that those found faithful with even the little that they have will be given more.105

To have some sense of transition from powerpointing which is natural to what is supernatural seemingly, CCC points out on article 2001:

104 St. Therese's Little Way-Von Balthazar, Hans Urs Von Balthazar, ed. Gerard Bugge, http://www.crossroadsinitiative.com, October 2009.

105 “For to every one who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away.” Mt. 25:29.

The preparation of man for the reception of grace is already a work of grace... Indeed we also work, but we are only collaborating with God who works, for his mercy has gone before us. It has gone before us so that we may be healed, and follows us so that once healed, we may be given life; it goes before us so that we may be called, and follows us so that we may be glorified; it goes before us so that we may live devoutly, and follows us so that we may always live with God: for without him we can do nothing.

If we will interpret doing the good as categorized only in the natural sphere, we are

wrong. And there is actually no transition at all from natural to supernatural. But how can we tell?

Since it belongs to the supernatural order, grace escapes our experience and cannot be known except by faith. We cannot therefore rely on our feelings or our works to conclude that we are justified and saved. However, according to the Lord's words--"Thus you will know them by their fruits"--reflection on God's blessings in our life and in the lives of the saints offers us a guarantee that grace is at work in us and spurs us on to an ever greater faith and an attitude of trustful poverty.106

I act imperfectly, God acts perfectly, we both act. And I communicate to Him exactly

how St. Therese recommended it: as children do who cannot read (beautiful prayers in books not knowing which to choose); I say quite simply to the good God what I want to tell Him, and He always understands me.107

Or as AA tells it in 11th step, “as we understood Him.” Perfect love casts out all fear. “I ask Lord that I may love as you have loved us.” Amen.

Stimulants to relapses

Stimulants to relapses, which should be overcome, can be the following examples. Some of these will sometimes or most of the times stimulate one or not stimulate another to masturbate.

1. The wishing that one is already married and could engage in marital intercourse

(from WCC) 2. Sudden intuitions of an xxx-rated emotion, sensual pictures, physiological or

chemical secretion of one’s hormone without picture 3. Being alone at one’s room where no one can see

106 CCC art. no. 2005.

107 Thoughts of St. Therese, “Prayer”, p. 121 (TAN Books and Publishers, Inc., 1915)

4. Deep impression of a heaven sent suggestion that one is permitted by God only once at this moment to masturbate

5. Pessimistic thoughts that suggest you will relapse again this night at this bedroom (thus our principle not to fear our sexuality is helpful). Wilkie Au in his By Way of the Heart tells the story that what we fear might only be a lost puppy in the dark following us. The idea is to trust God’s providence and be careful to shift one’s thought immediately to other good things once temptation is suggesting.

6. Of course, most of all, the viewing of xxx-rated film accidental or deliberate 7. Immoral and unchaste practices and stories or chatting of your friends, neighbors,

etc. 8. The sexual licentiousness we observe in medias (namely TV, tabloid, CD, internet,

radio, videoke, pocketbook, magazine), the presence of prostitution houses, the immodest clothes that shows already everything, the green jokes, stories of unfaithfulness as just normal and no longer sinful, the bad examples of live-in partners…it seems endless.

9. Wrong unauthoritative and misleading teachings like: a. “Masturbation is just normal for you.” b. “You can achieve chastity by gradual means.” (Graduality is exemplified by

once a week masturbation, then becomes only once a month etc. But as was suggested by Catholic Encyclopedia on “Psychotherapy” each relapse is enough to bring us back to our former addicted or compulsive state. I am not sure whether graduality is therapeutic because an adequately directed effort is that hard to achieve even though achievable in time. Nevertheless, one should not reward oneself with masturbation or limit oneself with one masturbation per week only. There will be a tendency to long for it once a week, which is a wrong attitude. As if having a satisfying masturbation for this day I will have to control myself up until the following week because I had my fill and has to look forward for the next week’s sexual menu. No, it is not true that I will learn to curb it in time by graduality. A program that equalizes masturbation with other life’s necessities like water and food is wrong. Those who are on a diet curb their binging, and just resolve to eat properly. However, masturbation is not food that we need in order to survive. Maybe sex is a necessity for some, yet they curb it this way: inside marriage, faithful only to one partner until death. The correct attitude is never to entertain any sexual thought again, which should be the concern only of married persons.

c. “You are loved by God unconditionally for who you are,” can mean that it is ok for me to masturbate because God understands. The unconditional love of God forgives us yet also calls us to conversion.

d. “It’s a normal part of being human which shows statistically worldwide.” Etc. 10. Looking for beautiful women crossing the streets 11. The second look that may already have bad intentions 12. Of course, the use of prostitutes is a different thing, and when one is addicted to it

one is not exempted from a life of masturbation also. One must not rationalize that in order to avoid masturbation one must have sexual intercourse with a prostitute as

often as one feels the grip of masturbating again thereby aggravating further a problematic situation. Evil cannot be corrected by another evil.

13. All those that can tempt you to masturbate again as long as it leads one to masturbate.

The important thing is that one has to learn to know and control these unchaste

circumstances and actions, which will gradually lessen as one becomes more self-controlled. For example, green jokes no longer arouse me easily after some time. But of course, this does not mean I will enjoy hearing green jokes now without any inhibition.

In the positive realm, one must do the good that one knows he should be doing because the life of chastity is not just attained by avoiding sin but also by doing the good. Remember that chastity is for loving not chastity for itself.

I count it by memory (one, two, three) because writing it may be impractical in the daily activities of life. Every struggle to do the good I have and must do, every cutting out of sexual train of thought by doing other things, every making my time as occupied and not idle (for idle moments gain more temptations says the saints), every cutting out of useless worrying which ends in stimulating my orgasm to release my tension counts as one. Every getting out of the bed which weakens my control, every exercise to enhance my body (so as not to become intellect only that longs for embodiment), every socialization and reaching out to others (so as to express out my gregariousness that is, on the contrary, achieved alone in masturbation) is a compilation of things I observed can help ease out my compulsion and each accumulates points for my strength and self-control.

But the hardest temptation and stimulants to relapses are the xxx-rated bold movies ingrained in one’s memory. It is like the drug addict’s shabu or the chain smoker’s Philip Morris or the alcoholic’s brandy or the obese’ Kentucky fried chicken and Big Mac. Xxx-rated gives one the impression that marriage and relationships with the opposite sex is unattainable if not impossible. It gives one the impression that if it is such the case, then, chastity is completely impossible and staying single becomes a state of just satisfying one’s sexual or orgasmic needs. Let one who is in such a case pray and plead God’s goodness. In my case, God provided me a chaste courting with a girl I think he set up for me to meet. Its effect ranges from the rechanneling of my sexual fantasies with any woman to “enough” romanticizing with her in reality and in thought, up to such effect as erasing the idea in me that I cannot have such a relationship with girls in reality. Truly, with God, nothing is impossible. He has all the ways and means to change our stony hearts into natural hearts.

OBEYING ST. THERESE

Not to count but to do it all out of love.108 But due to persistence in doing powerpointing, I did not obey because I do not understand also. The solution and explanation did not come

108 "I know that certain spiritual directors advise us to count our virtuous acts in order to advance in perfection. But my

spiritual director, Jesus, does not teach me to count my acts. He teaches me to do it all for love."-- St. Therese's Little Way-Von

Balthazar, Hans Urs Von Balthazar, ed. Gerard Bugge, http://www.crossroadsinitiative.com, October 2009.

easily. Rather it took me several months of reason finding without obeying, and failed. So I decided to obey even without understanding, and I understood what I can’t.

Primarily, the complete opposite of sexual addiction is love. The most potent and thus complete healing of sexual addiction is by loving. First, it is the doing of the good that one did which made any difference rather than the counting of the good that one did. In other word it is the act of doing good and not the act of counting the good deeds done which makes any sense at all.109 Second, it is doing good to others which is the focus of love. Ultimately it is being-given-to-others that we become complete as phenomenology describes it. While with simplicity and full authority does the Lord teach that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends…and so we have to love one another as He has loved us,110 so our prayer Lord teach me to love my brothers as you have loved me. In AA it is the third common denominator which is helping others. (Let the readers be enlightened that a sexual addict will fight for this insight against the idea of God not helping him be chaste though he already is willing to mend his ways. The sexual addict needs to act but God also acts, which could have been the sole reason why powerpointing was deviced in the first place, not to displace grace, but to see that grace is working in his human capacity, with an emphasis on seeing himself more as the agent rather than the Primary Agent. This I believe is a mystery and cannot fully be explained, as was before our time.)

Now, by a simple examination, I tested if my memory is corrupted and ill but it is not. Also I tested my imagination if it is the one sick in me. It is neither. All are perfectly normal. It’s hard to pinpoint what faculty of the mind is sick as Dr. Sarah Ullman believes in the healing of the frontal lobe.111 I found in the end that it is my emotion which is sick. Emotion is desire, and love is the desiring of the good in general which include the good of others.112 Now, it is this continuing of powerpointing or counting that is holding me back to love and need not count doing good anymore. With a eureka, I went back as far as the Old Testament spirituality is concerned, a legalistic approach to doing what is good!113 St. Therese was slapping me in the face, but I cannot understand because I don’t want to obey. By persisting in doing powerpointing I lost desiring things. Thus I act powerpointing always pushing myself to do good things even without desiring it. Doing things with love even how little or insignificant are one of the main message of the saints like Therese, Faustina, and Maximilian Kolbe. In this modern world where we are plagued with too many kinds of addiction, it is not a coincidence that St. Therese was named the greatest saints of modern times, and St. Faustina and Maximilian Kolbe are modern saints too insisting on little acts of mercy. We have discussed all throughout the book that rather than do what is possible here and now, we tend to dream of helping others big time. We forget that the Lord gave 5, 2, 1 talent not equally.114 The tendency then is for these little souls to give up, that it is not their vocation to help others, and that the little

109 I misunderstood article 1733 of CCC “The more one does what is good the freer one becomes” with a counting mode, yet later realized it as by quantity measurable even without a counting mode, in contrast with those who do less good. Yet the fullness of goodness rest in our Lord Jesus Christ, not in quantity but in perfection, who “always did what was pleasing to the Father, and always lived in perfect communion with him.” We then “are made capable of doing so by the grace of Christ and the gifts of his Spirit, which they receive through the sacraments and through prayer.”—CCC art. 1692-93.

110 John 15:12-13 111 http://thesexaddictedbrain.typepad.com February 2010. 112 Consult CCC for a more exact notion of love see art. no. 1765-1766. 113 See WCC, CMP Chap.25 Ques. D: “What does Christian love add to the love commands of the Old

Testament?” and other similar topics. 114 Mt. 25:14.

acts of mercy they can do can’t even amount to anything. Without love, I am like a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.115

Another idea is that God’s salvation is for the whole person including his faculty of desiring. God wants us to love what is good and not just be forced by reason alone to do it as Ignatian spirituality up till now is teaching. It was indeed a difficult task to integrate my desiring faculty as a human being and then as a compulsive. We have to integrate emotion according to Wilki Au who is talking about God who is also present in our feelings. Powerpointing which I experienced is more on the reasonable (because I am more of a sensient sexual addict) is a good system, but have to be aware that even the faculty of reason prone to error needs salvation too.

But rather than love, I continued powerpointing still. The result was an accumulation of moral goods I can choose from, but without any desire to choose any one thing or another. Was it because I have shut my capacity to love, to desire? Or I don’t desire what is good because I prefer what is evil? Lo, I need a higher power, grace of God, to save me from my finite reason and emotion, which powerpointing can’t produce for itself. Repentant, I came back to St. Therese and obeyed, stopping any kind of counting or powerpointing and just do everything for love, because that is how the fountain of all graces, Jesus Christ, described it to St. Therese. The healing was that I do morally good things because I love to do them, and I dropped off other morally good possibilities in the process. I can now choose from among the moral goods that my reason enlightened by faith tells me as good and can do without further scrupulosity. Thus is powerpointing here discarded and redefined: the pointing of where power (virtue) lies and (without counting) doing it because it is good (love is aroused by the attraction of the good116), intentionally not just for further strength (though the doing of the good strengthens one), not just for success or monetary reward (though Christians will experience them and is promised by God though limited), but out of love, as Christ has taught us to love.

Without any counting, the governor reason becomes practiced in stirring the ship guiding emotion in contrast with the likes of dynamism of Nietzche. Now it is clarified why a compulsive, but not normal person, has to do it with a counting mode: because he is not inclined to do what is good, he has shut himself from grace, locked the door inside, and no one can open it but himself because the door is one knobed. He might be more inclined in doing what is pleasant, though not integrally good, as what is good for him. Thus the need to force him to do good by powerpointing, so that he can experience, taste, see, and thus accept what is truly good. Now all this can happen in grace inside our sacramental life in the Catholic Church, while gradually being mildly led after such seemingly harsh initial forcing. I no longer live but Christ is living in me as St. Paul proclaimed, i.e. my sinful desires I hate but more than that I am free to be my talented self, being given the capacity in Christ to desire good things, even those not grandiose but just little acts of mercy.

Now it is only the Best Practices in Maintaining Chastity and Principles of Chastity that dissolved and replaced powerpointing.117 The paradox of chastity is this: It is life but it is a life that points to Christ who loved us and commands us to love as he has loved us. Chastity belonging to the virtues of temperance is just that, self-control and is not by itself alone the fullness of life already.

115 See 1 Cor. 13:1 and ff. 116 CCC, art. no. 1765. 117 Read it in the Appendix or visit http://sexualaddictionfree.blogspot.com which is continually reworked.

Then, depending on the level of awareness or corruption of one’s desires or dreams and talents, one has to undergo some self searching. While the key point is the “ordered desire” of St. Ignatius following St. Thomas’s more positive idea of desire,118 the idea is that God wants to give me good desires, a redeemed one.

‘Ignatius would have us educate our senses and feelings “so that one’s sensual nature may be obedient to reason, and all the lower parts of the self may become more submissive to the higher” (Exx 87)’119

This takes me to the evaluation of powerpointing as reason-focused acting of the good yet disintegrative of the education of the senses and feelings. Thus to

“focus attention not only on the complexity of often competing emotions and desires, but also on the fruit of the right ordering of affection. One cannot exactly ‘demand’ to feel a certain way, but one can, according to Ignatius, train the senses in a way that allows for the fruitful unfolding of love and for the eventual consolation that follows from a life ordered solely towards the praise, reverence and service of God.”120

The solution can entail understanding some scholastic definition of desire for clarification and better grasp of it in terms of its relationship with spirituality. While some training in modern emotional intelligence technique is recommended, the danger in leading to hedonism is high. We do not thus advice a return to what WCC calls the doing of desire for desires sake and that as CCC tells “It belongs to the perfection of the moral or human good that the passions be governed by reason.”121 It will be good to hear from theologians though about what CCC calls morally good passions that contribute to a good action122 not just the control of bad passions. St. Thomas if I’m not mistaken told that if passion is our greatest enemy, it is also our greatest ally. It’s God’s will that the existential world of desires be transformed also so that we can have good desires all throughout the day. This is where we reflect upon the actions of the Holy Spirit in our era, teaching us that He is present, moving us, touching, and transforming our lives in this contemporary world.

For Christ do wants us to become successful in living chaste lives every day without fail, but a great part of it is not in self-control alone but in loving. For our issues about sexual compulsion is deeply rooted from an immature emotional life.123 It’s not the scope of this book to discuss about how for example Steve Hein’s124 pointing to reflect about our emotions can be a

118 “Ordered Affection: Sexuality and Ignatian Spirituality,” Timothy P. Muldoon. p.7 The Way, 49/1

(January 2010) PDF file online. 119 Antonio Guillén, ‘Imitating Christ our Lord with the Senses’, The Way, 47/1–2 (January/April 2008),

226. 120 “Ordered Affection, Muldoon, p.10. 121 CCC art. no. 1767. 122 See CCC art. no. 1768. Consider art. no. 1770, “Moral perfection consists in man’s being moved to the

good not by his will alone, but also by his sensitive appetite, as in the words of the psalm: “My heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God.”

123 See KPK art. 1111-1112 “Kalimitan, bunga ito [masturbation] ng kakulangan ng pag-unlad sa pandama, at o isang sintomas ng higit na malalim na suliraning personal…tingnan ang kanilang mga puso at pagnilayan ang kanilang mga pagpapahalaga at ang mga sinasabing pangangailangan na nagbubunga ng ganoong pagkilos.”

124 http://eqi.org

part of our everyday spiritual reflection for the integration of our desire that Wilkie Au (a Jesuit or follower of St. Ignatius himself) is pointing us.125

In the love life arena the emotion has to be freed from the grip of the sexual addiction so that it can honestly love if in love, and also not feel in love if it’s not yet time to.

How we can be more sensitive to the real needs of others and to our real needs that leaves us stressed if not met, how our modern lifestyle sundered from nature affects our totality including becoming addicted to many things, how our deepest desires can be discovered through Steve Hein’s evaluative questions is a highly recommended assignment with a more or less need for some practice or training depending upon each persons need. However as we have said earlier, such integration of these techniques on emotion with our Christian norms can lead to hedonism (pleasure being the measure of what is good) that for example anger resorting to any of emotion’s suggestions to oppose evil, feeling led by it more than the better judgments of reason, one destroys the becoming good purpose of anger in the end. More often, anger can be expressed with a tendency of course to sidetrack reason because emotional life is also sinful and weak like the rest of our lives, reason included.

Thus, the fact of our fallen state should not exclude emotion as a sinless part of ourselves. And being sinful and weak, grace asked in prayer and fasting sometimes is the only solution to combat such sinful tendency that even techniques of emotional intelligence cannot do like the rest of our techniques and activities cannot also. More than anything else, it is not to treat another slavery to the sensitive appetite but in the freedom to choice the good must one become aware of as one’s more urgent awareness activity. “What are my free choices this day that the true good is calling me?,” must be answered with the certitude of faith condemning any kind of slavery to the senses. Like the truth of this good (ex.praying rosary) is already established and need not be questioned further, though our feelings tells us it is not an effective practice. It is a very intriguing fact that powerpointing is a kind of elementary attempt at becoming a free agent with a capacity and dignity of free choice which is “an exceptional sign of the divine image within man” (Gaudium et Spes 17). That is what any addict or compulsive is thirsting for, is dying to achieve about. But it should not much be about generalizing all his desire as bad, stopping or controlling it altogether good and bad. Rather he has to learn to love and do what is good and hate what is evil, two basic contrasting emotion where all emotions root out.

On the other hand, with such danger did we put earlier too on our topic here “Life of the Emotions” WCC’s third mode of responsibility in considering emotions, while trying to integrate some of the more helpful techniques of emotional intelligence’s literature. But whatever I’ve said here again, simply do powerpointing as much as you need to for the healing of your sexual addiction and pray that like St. Therese told, graduate into the maturity of not counting anymore. One has to grow away from powerpointing similar to how traumatologist use techniques to combat trauma yet do away with it once the trauma is gone for good. So I have to have something to replace counting: something like the beads of the rosary to guide me while praying it without the hassle of counting. What is it? It is conscience. TAN told it is “not a separate faculty distinct from our mind, but simply a function of our mind.”126 We remember also John Paul II telling us that “a good act which is

125 It is not the author’s field to discuss such for lack of specialization and a disintegrated emotion. For a

safety net, I discuss things here but if you’re in doubt about what I’m discussing just practice daily the examination of conciousness practiced by the Jesuits taught in the webpage “Suggestions for Prayer in the Jesuit Tradition” on http://norprov.org/spirituality/

126 Nelson, How to Avoid Hell. “The Role of Conscience” Chap. 10, p.375.

not recognized as such does not contribute to the moral growth of the person who performs it.”127 So it is our reason telling us that this is good which is the bead of the rosary symbolizing and guiding us, without the need for counting; rather it is the need to train the mind in judging and doing what is good always here and now not worrying much about the future, that the habit is really formed and making man what he is really a rational animal. This doing of the good includes the little act of charity, because charity covereth a multitude of sin, it is worthy to mention its special place as an act to be done by a repentant sexual addict. St. Therese, teach me to love. O Lord, teach us to relate to others the way you related to everybody during your time. Jesus, King of Mercy, we trust in You.

A SUMMARY: MY FIGHT AGAINST QUASI-COMPULSIVE MASTURBATION

During my Grade 5, it was the time when the Santo Niño touched me, I trashed out all my clippings of bold pictures. But the Betamax stood out as the worst temptation, renting videotapes until my high school days. Thanks be to God it broke and Betamax are obsolete nowadays. But my God! pornos are easily accessible at all corners by the introduction of CDs and personal computers and internet. Today it’s not just viewing xxx-rated film but cybersex that proliferates as fast as the computer technology. All means of accessing pornos have to be trashed out where it can’t be redeemed; so to say, annihilate it all. Against it, there are softwares that block pornos which one can use, where K9 I think rate as best, simple, unobtrusive, content adjustable, powerful, most secure, and trusted.128

Then I got hold of powerpointing but became so proud that I forgot my prayer times, forgot not to be idle, forgot to pursue my personal vocations, and avoided loving unwittingly. By praying to know my personal vocation, I was greatly helped by the book Praying for Miracles by Fr. Robert de Grandis and WCC’s topic on personal vocation.

Spiritual readings are good.129 By spiritual reading I found “sloth” as causing me trouble also. And I read about sloth on the book Hell.

130 Then I got hold also of the Literatures I included here. The reading and rereading of it I

did and often. Of course, it’s the practice or living of it that made the difference. But the rationalizer in me often ignored such knowledges without my awareness. Therefore, I propose that such reading should be done time and again not for the sake of knowledge but for the sake of practicing it perfectly i.e., knowledge must be used for acquiring virtues and overcoming our faults and sinful selves.

Then I did both praying and powerpointing (cooperating) and was convinced of my qualitative psychological conclusion: that both will not work without the other, and both praying and powerpointing made the great difference. In traditional spirituality and as is said in WCC: “One must simply decide to stop sinning.”131 Powerpointing is not a new idea: it is just the

127 John Paul II, Encyclical Letter, Veritatis Splendor, art. 63. 128 With heartfelt gratitude to Blue Coat K9 Web protection, I salute your selfless and brilliant idea of

giving back to society by offering it free. May God bless you more abundantly. 129

Read The True Spouse of Jesus Christ “Spiritual Reading” by St. Alphonsus de Liguori. 130

Nelson, How to Avoid Hell, 249. 131

WCC CMP Chap 17 Ques. E #15

avoidance of evil and doing of good and just counted for the purpose of becoming confident; that one can measure it and so have some objective evaluation that one is advancing.

In my case, powerpointing achieves such as I can call a plateau where, one needs not count already. But because we’re in a spiritual battle and still living and proving ourselves worthy of Christ, such human weakness of ours deems it always possible to learn when to powerpoint again because of temptations and relapses. And this always in the spirit of assiduous prayer, for prayer moves everything to possibility.

I don’t know how long can this powerpointing be done for one to attain some of what it taught me. But finally one becomes confident that one can do it, and be able to say that he already has won the battle in so many moments of trial. And thus becoming confident, one focuses on the most recent moment of triumph as a proof that one can overcome it and thus be able to live out the virtue of chastity as God’s will. As elementary as the act is, it is an important step in the quest for the living up of one’s whole personal vocation, as one shifts from avoiding evil to doing good and in the end love perfectly.

The fact is becoming clearer that an adequately directed effort is achievable but it takes time. A compulsive cannot simply stop sinning but he can stop once he learned to master the principles of chastity.

Analyzing the whole gamut, the final recommendation to all is that one must avoid becoming a compulsive for when one becomes, the healing will take long for one to acquire again the lost control of one’s self. That is always accountable as one’s sin in the previous choices that set the habit. And the means to avoid becoming compulsive is to acquire virtue and make ourselves better each day correcting our sinful selves which requires examination of conscience and assiduous prayer to overcome our faults. Not to say also that becoming a compulsive like me rooting from childhood and ignorance at every step, until my entrance into the seminary, is irreversible and only an existential experience of a woman's unconditional embrace in marriage will fulfill and complete the healing process. Only one who has experienced continuous failure in chastity can say that with a hand so gripped in prayer blood oozes from it already. No one can say how innocence is so important in childhood but someone who have lost it and struggled to acquire it back.

ADDITIONAL INSIGHT FROM RELATED FIELDS (PSYCHOLOGY, SPIRITUALITY,

MEDICINE)

From the book “The Training of the Will” by Johann Lindworsky, S.J. came the advice to

lie on hard bed, vigorous exercise etc.132 Then I was guided by the Lord to use healthy diet and introduced to me food supplementation,133 temperance not to eat too much, and not to eat so many delicious processed foods. I relapse in doing these, yet the continuing practice of it adds a great difference. There are lots of good advises now on how to take care of our health which is so important in having a chaste life. The idea of Dr. Kafka for example, who treats and studies paraphiliacs, and prescribes the serotonin inducing drug Prozac,134 takes us to the consideration

132 Johann Lindworsky, S.J. “The Struggle Against Bad Habits” The Training of the Will 4th ed.

(Milwaukee: The Bruce Publishing Company), 133

Note that food supplements are supplements already and should not be the answer but whole, nutritious food and balanced diet. 134 Read Lauren Slater's "How Do You Cure a Sex Addict?" (November 19, 2000) for more information on the findings of Dr. Kafka.

of protein in the diet of sexual addicts. But more studies need to prove it. There is even no study if papaya can really effect sexual control, that it is called angelic fruit. In such area much research can be more fruitful for the healing of sexual addiction and maintenance of chastity.

As Fr. Robert Edward Brennan, O.P. has elaborated that man is always a body and a soul,135 I sensed that mortification of the body goes hand in hand with nutrition or healthy lifestyle. The problem today is that they think its ok to smoke cigarette and remain a spiritual man, to eat more processed foods than whole food and still be able to accomplish tasks that are strenuous. It’s not our folk’s problems but a modern problem. Ancients wouldn’t care to tackle walking as a cure for many sicknesses because most of them use feet to go miles. We have diversified our lifestyle just to include pollutions of every kind, city lifestyle that can’t resist consumerism.

Nature can effect a virtuous life. It’s not to regress back to stone age. But rather than deny natures help, let us use it as God has lawfully hidden for us to be discovered. We are now talking of carbon footprints, that eating a slice of beef makes you guilty of an equal value of forgetting to turn off all the lights at home while going on vacation for example. We are now more aware that what we consume really affects the entire globe.

Even St. Ignatius of Loyola used his discipline in the army to discipline his disciples too. Do you think chastity can be lived in the midst of too much eating of meat food,136 and drinking of alcohols? The desert Fathers lived a mortified life, not a life of bounty but nonetheless of quality—quality air, food even in bits only, no noise pollution, no consumeristic advertisement. What a peaceful and stressless life that reminds us also of our eternal homeland reminding us that we’re just temporary here. We have to add these elements little by little or in our small ways and means like Katherine Gibson’s moderation in the use of TV.137 Let us take note thus of what Cardinal Gagnon, P.S.S. has said: “Parents might teach their children very good norms about chastity, but if at the same time they give them everything they want as food and things to play with and all that, then they should not be surprised when their children are not overcoming their lust and their desires. Formation involves temperance. Chastity is just one part of the virtue of temperance.”

Addictions and compulsions of every kind are our problem today as effected already by our hedonistic and consumeristic tendency i.e., we’re making our products but our products does not satisfy us because much are based on luxury and not necessity. Not tending to Godliness, people’s tendency is not to seek the ultimate satisfier.

We have to go back to what is natural and simple. In that way our sensual life will be more easily managed. Asceticism is the mortification of the senses by moderation or to a greater degree as done by the saints, deprivation out of love. As long as the garbage of stimulants to our senses are present, addictions like cancers are likely to grow. Moderation is not deprivation. We just have to moderate the stimulants to our senses.

These principles entail living out a holy life in congruence with the original will of God revealed to us by Jesus Christ. There is a strong need for one to observe and do all that Jesus commands us to do. These commands are infallibly taught and guarded by the Catholic Church starting from the apostles which up to our time is continued by papal succession. The addictive way is against Jesus who said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.”

135 Consult his work Thomistic Psychology

136 We’re in pre-illness state because our diet consists most of meat, a food supplement company

evaluated. 137

Reader’s Digest vol. 75, no.450

What I just want to point out for the masturbator is to use his knowledge in order to become chaste forever in constant discernment with the community of believers he belongs with and this includes developing every aspect of one’s self or one’s life. Scientific and spiritual disciplines have to discover yet many things for the betterment of addicts and compulsives and the rest of humanity. But the fact of addiction being a sin and not just a sickness or material deficiency138 should not deceive us on our quest for better ways and means to struggle against such behavior like addictions and compulsions. Side by side the cleaning of our environment from many garbage stimulants, the addict or compulsive (sinner) must always agree upon an unchanging truth: that vicious behavior entails the abuse of freedom. Abuse means always doing the bad, which make it habitual, automatic and so becomes hard to be corrected.

I confess, out of the topic, that God has given me severe itching of my genital areas which when I scratch gives me severe pain in the midst of my sleep at night. I think it’s formative for me to become at ease in bearing pain most especially in my genital areas where pleasure from so long a year has been concentrated, or was it a bodily self-corrective system that I had such an itch and intense pain experiences? Rather than curse God for such an incurable skin or allergic disease, God taught me to offer up my pains for the forgiveness of my sins and those of the whole world. However, let it not be thought about that God doesn’t want one to be cured of such malady. I am unsure whether the skin disease is caused by my frequent masturbatory practice139 or caused by God to desensitize me of my pleasurable habit and thus occasioned by God to return even I have already healed it completely by antifungal/antibacterial skin ointment. The healing of the human body can do point out certain behavioral conversions needed to achieve such healing.

Let us pray thus with the Psalmist: “The Lord is my health and my salvation.” It is a prayer that reveals a great truth against any kind of sickness physical or psychological. It is a prayer which teaches us that health is first and foremost a spiritual matter. And that health is an effect of a justified soul.

MORE PEDAGOGICAL AND THERAPEUTICAL GUIDE “Masturbation is normal for you,” does not work.

How many times did I hear such advice, where others really have worse belief that

masturbation is normal for human beings not just to me as a compulsive masturbator. We are stating the facts against it and reaffirming our faith that it is not so. If a counselor would say this or a book teach this, let us believe the contrary. As our literature has stated, it would mean a misunderstanding of a person’s moral capacity in Christ.140

138 “The problem of moral evil…stems not from any material deficiency, but is a would inflicted by the

disordered exercise of human freedom”—John Paul II Fides et Ratio p. 127 139

Maybe the hormone cortisone is depleted by each unnatural and frequent orgasmic release via masturbation or maybe the auxiliary kidneys are weakened by masturbation or by the holding of urination especially during the morning because one’s conscious endeavor is deceived that such urinary need is only a completion to orgasm. That is why I always had a chronic bronchitis, skin allergy and sinusitis because “hormones catalyze metabolic pathways to produce cortisone that controls T-cell activities to regulate the immunity system.” If proven, medicine can thread the pathways of the unhealthy effect of sin in the human body not to mention AIDS as an effect of sex outside marriage and thus is really incurable as long as human nature is human nature and is not turning away from his sin and living Godly lives.

140 WCC CMP Chap 17 Appen. 2, Ques. F

Don’t fail their trust

“It has been estimated that 30 years ago about 23% of male psychotherapists have been

sexually involved with their clients.”141 Any counselor then must be careful, because a compulsive masturbator can convince a counselor that only a sexual experience can cure a compulsion, and that God permits such a good intention as an exception just to cure someone. This is an absurdity and an outright heresy. As the entry “psychotherapy” in Catholic Encyclopedia has stated: “Patients must have someone whom they take into their confidence….” If this confidence is broken, then the relationship in counseling degenerates into fellow blinds.

The relationship must not end with the compulsive masturbator’s idea: “He/she has taken advantage of my weakness in order to use me,” not that the compulsive has taken advantage of the counselors great patience. For in such relationship, the leader will be accountable about how he guided his followers. The counselor should by virtue be more sober than his patient. And to counteract such “client-centered-therapy” that plays in such a circumstance each counseling should be “God-centered-therapy”—a fact that spiritual direction should not be replaced by a somewhat “scientific counsels.”142 As the Bible states God’s presence, “Where two or three are gathered in my name there am I in the midst of them”143

Other counselor would say, “Your masturbation is a clinical problem.” What! Does that mean a virtuous life can be had now without the Lord, without His Church, the sacraments, the traditions, doctrines, the Saints etc?” This should nail down one precept of the Lord in us: Do not put your trust in men in whom there is no help, no salvation (Psalm 2,3,4,5). So, a good counselor trusts not in his capacity to help and cure but in God’s providence and power, being reminded that the whole psychological discipline is not just materialistic but also spiritual, because human beings will always be a body and soul. Gradual modification is not appropriate in all respect

I will not trust in my own strength. Powerpointing is not only counting the power you

acquired but is also counting the power that God sends. You merely receive power (chastity) from His hand mysteriously but has to be affirmed as true by our faith.

Gradual modification implies that God can’t make you stay in sobriety today, which is the day of conversion; rather, God will make a way for such compulsivity to disappear.

Just as Jesus prays to the Father and gives thanks before receiving his gifts, so

he teaches us filial boldness: "Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you receive it, and you will." Such is the power of prayer and of faith that does not doubt: "all things are possible to him who believes." Jesus is as saddened by the "lack of faith" of his own neighbors and the "little faith" of his own disciples as he

141

Thomas Plante, Ph. D., ABPP A Perspective on Clergy Sexual Abuse (Department of Psychology, Santa Clara University).

142 Consult Richard W. Cross. Lecture. “Can Catholics Counsel? The Loss of Prudence in Modern

Humanist Psychology” Christendom College, October 22, 1993. Faith & Reason (Virginia: Christendom Press), Spring 1994.

143 Matthew 18:20

is struck with admiration at the great faith of the Roman centurion and the Canaanite woman.144

Believe that we can and have received already the grace of chastity so that no hindrance

is in our way to practicing and mastering the guidances we have discussed here. Never ever say, “I can stop my masturbation even without praying.” My brothers I have

said it several times but God cast me into the most compulsive masturbation I have ever experienced. Not to threat you in such respect, but the truth is a reality: we cannot live chaste

lives without God. Graduality may mean gradual release of one’s masturbatory practice i.e., he limits his

masturbation once a week, or if one can, once a month before he/she might be able to become sober all through out one’s life. But if masturbation’s gravity is the same as that of killing, it is not a sound practice, it’s an irrationality which will sound like this: if one is killing one person daily, one is permitted morally to kill only one person a month in order to lessen one’s grave fault. The issue is to stop killing and if the truth of our grace in Christ professes that it is not only possible but now is natural and easy because of his grace working in us, why not make it so. But if not, it's better to have fewer bouts if no masturbation life is not yet coming. For example, it is better to smoke one stick a day than to have five or a pack if one can't really yet attain fully to that no smoking rule.

I confess though that I was released by God’s grace through many deep longing for a chaste life i.e., I returned again and again to masturbation before I finally was able to be free of this pleasurable vice. But it has been catastrophic when I practiced gradual release with the goal of being sober all through out my life by once a week process; then if I already can do, the once a month and then once a year. What happened was that still starting in the first phase, I anticipated each one masturbation per week with becoming more excited. And presto, I regressed to a greater number of masturbation than my normal count. If this is your idea of gradualism, then it is wrong.

What can be of help is described fully by Dr. Cline: No more masturbation. Stop masturbating. This risks further conditioning into deviancy. The goal of no masturbation may be difficult and not even possible immediately. I have them keep a calendar record of those days when they masturbate and urge them to strive for reducing its frequency… (emphasis mine)

The idea of still lingering in one’s masturbatory practice is out of the discussion already. Yet, the idea of reducing first the frequency especially if the build up has been already so enormous for a beginner is a better term. One will already do everything to stop masturbation and strive not for once a week masturbation but already for a masturbation-free life. Additionally, the reality of one’s ability to rationalize one’s masturbation is the issue, and the reason for the sufficiency of grace is clear. The idea is to empower one to believe the truth:

that he/she can already stop now or start now one’s program of chastity without any

relapse at all. Masturbation is a grave moral misconduct, a mortal sin, that gradualism is not applicable to masturbation in all respect and all its forms unlike in modifying behaviors like biting one’s nail or in learning a job. So always have that end in view that I can already do it for

144 CCC, art. no. 2610.

life without masturbation, but if I relapse unintentionally, to just skillfully limit the relapse or have not relapse at all. Trashing of all sexual stimulants

As I have said, it will take the cooperation of everyone in our own ways and means, personally and communally, to be able to achieve a better and innocent atmosphere again. It will take girls never to dress immodestly. It will take each videoke proprietors to use decent motion pictures. It will take Tabloids to accept slower circulations of their decent publications in contrast with the indecent ones that vie only for money even at the cost of lewdness. It will take actors and actresses not to use their nude body to speed up their stardom or for the sake of money. And it will take the cooperation of all not to support by buying all these lewdness but instead picket it.

But personally, one must trash out every pornos most specially the playboy magazines, hard or soft core pornographic videos; program one’s computer to filter out the pornographic materials, etc. Without skeleton in the closet, not keeping anything or any favorite pornographic materials, without the very wrong reason that anyway you’ll not use pornos and you’ll just store them—you will avoid the temptation to get them just for the sake again of the wrong idea of looking at them because it’s good, it’s different, and I would just like to take a short look…. Ah, the presence of any secretly stored pornographic material in a hard disk is a dangerous endeavor.

But wait, speaking in the Philippine context, is the Sex Bomb Dancers or groups like them not pornographic? It might not be, but it still holds up sexual licentiousness in a very decent way, somewhat wolves in sheep’s clothing. How are we to inculcate the Maria Clara values if we accept as just ok their sexy dances and their double meaning songs? Well, let us forget about the Maria Clara and just make the Sex Bomb Dancers a top rater. Anyway, it’s now normal for our adolescents to be pregnant at the most inappropriate time. If it’s ok for us then let us continue to patronize and permit their show. Anyway, it’s just ok for our little daughters to imitate Spaghetting Pababa dance and make them think that they are not aroused and do not arouse their male counterparts. Anyway, there are lots of red houses to release these sexual excess of stimulants if not by masturbation. Or our little daughters can anyway flirt with their good boyfriends as if they are stones harder than the desert monks that does not turn on. So let us accept the fact that we are tough guys and gals who do not become easily stimulated sexually. But the question is, “Why is the song ‘Here comes the bride, six months inside…’ so popularly accepted?” As a Catholic nation let us believe the contrary. Let us fight against all these lewd culture of media and let us uphold thus that the Sacrament of Marriage that must be respected is the divinely instituted rite which ennobles sex and saves us from so much troubles like single parenting, abortion, contraception, and the like.