Chapter 3 – You Cheated! (Pirate) Originally posted January 11, 2007

Welcome back to A Piratical Legacy, starring none other than Captain Jack ... Buccaneer.

I won't bore you all with a recap because there have only been two chapters and they weren't posted all that long ago. But I will remind you that right at the end of the previous chapter, Jack transitioned into elderhood.

Captain Jack... why are you dressed like a ninja?

"I'm undercover."

Ooookay...

"It's for me book."

Right.

"See, pirates and ninjas be natural enemies, mate. I've taken meself undercover to learn their ways for me book, which I like to call 'Ninjas: Fact or Fiction', savvy?"

Savvy.

"Oh, d'ye think you could do anything about the strange new islanders, mate?" They're the chapter hosts, Jack. "Captain Jack." Captain Jack. "They be the strangest mates I've ever seen, mate." ==== Pictured are Don, Samara, and Gage Uglacy along with their creator, Candi020765. I suggest you read her Uglacy and Prettacy - they're the stories that got me hooked on legacies in the first place!

"It's just that they keep kicking over the trash can, mate." Well, the Uglacies have about two nice points between the three of them, Jack. What did you expect? "Elise gets really mad when she has to pick up the trash can, mate. Savvy?" Fine... I'll see what I can do. (No I won't!)

Pretty teenaged young lady Elisabeth was on a skillfest because as soon as she had enough scholarship dough her parents were shipping her off to L'Academie de Tour in Paris for an education. Sometimes she overdid it. "Zis machine ees not good for my bladder!"

"No Marsha, my sister ees in bed! Eet ees after midnight. Why are you calling?"

Hard at work on the pirate-ninja book, Captain Jack? "A retired man has to find something to fill his time, mate." Well, how's the book coming? "Pretty good, mate. I've just finished the introductory chapter regarding pirates, ninjas, and why their various eccentricities lead to their natural rivalry to the death. Savvy?" Ahh... yeah. I'll let you do that. "But writing's really just a cover til me wife goes to bed."

Ahh... so why are you standing around outside in the middle of the night, Jack?

"Three cockroaches, a pink pebble, and some pocket lint." "Oy vey! I do not sink you vill be getting a very good date, Chief Captain Jack." "Just do the teleportation thingy will ya?" "Vone date, comingk up!"

Date #... "Again? What's with the reruns, mate?" Cassidy Shahan strikes again...

...and again...

"Look mate, you're going to have to do better than that, savvy?" "Eef you pay me more money then maybe you vill get a better date, Chief Captain Jack." "You're ripping me bloody 'eart out, mate."

Date #22: Lauren Reeves "Uhh... why am I on the ground?" "Thanks for the date, love... it's been swell, aye? Bye!" "I'm confused." "A date with the Captain often has that effect."

Date #23: Madeline Hurt "I thought I specified no grey hair, mate." "You are gettingk vhat you pay for, Chief Captain Jack."

Jack, you look like you're getting some strange thrill from that contraption. "I'm old and wrinkly, mate! Need to have another twenty-seven dates, savvy?"

Date #24: Katelyn Wolosenko "Dating the Captain is just like FLYING! Wheeeee!" "Methinks ye need to lay off the bubbles, love."

Date #25: Lucy Hanby "Thanks for cleaning the bathroom. Really wasn't necessary, love." "Yes... it was. I'll be going now..."

Date #26: Cassidy Pederson "You know, when you said I should drop in for a quick date I didn't think you would be so literal..."

"I sense a grave disturbance in zee force..." Elise? "As eef a 'undred thousand voices just cried out in pain at your bad jokes." Ha.ha.ha.

Did you forget about the rum again, Jack? "It's in the bottom dresser drawer in the bedroom, mate." Ahh... no, it's not. "Yes it is, mate." No, it's not. "Is, mate." Not. "Listen, mate, would I be bouncing on the couch without a worry in me soul if the rum was still hidden under the cushions?" Ahh... Elise found it in the dresser and moved it back to the couch. "Sob."

"Zis stale birt'day cake ees excellent!"

"Eef I am going to be a ladylike hall-of-famer I must be in very good physical 'ealth."

"Oh Jacques, eet 'as been so long since you paid any attention to me! I thought you 'ad forgotten about me!" "How dare you accuse me of cheating, love?!? I haven't done anything wrong, savvy?" "Ehh... what are you talking about, Jacques?" "Nothing, love. Nothing at all..." Methinks I smell a guilty conscience.

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me. We're beggars and blighters, ne'er do well cads, Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho. Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads, Drink up me 'earties, yo ho!" -- "Yo Ho (A Pirate's Life For Me)" - Lyrics by Xavier Atencio, music by George Bruns

"I haff had enough of zees silly Chief! Vhen I took zees job I thought maybe one, two, five dates. Instead... fifty? Oy! Zees ees seriously taxingk my powers!" Better not let Jack hear you say that...

"Say what, mate?" "Ohhh... nothingk, Chief Captain Jack. So vhat do you haff for me this time?" "Three tulips, four poppies, a couple of daisies, a pansy... and some fresh bubbled spring water with added soap, mate."

Date # 27: Candi020765 "You have a lot of explaining to do, love." *look of pure confusion on Candi's part* "Your stories got the creator into Sims stories and thus you put me in this position... savvy?"

"That's it, mate. I'm thinking you should be paying me to go on these dates from now on... savvy?"

Date #28: Caryl Lillard "What is that perfume, love? It's heavenly." *giggle* "Eau de sueur*, Chief Captain Jack!" "It's divine... I'll have to buy some for my wife then, mate. Thanks, aye?" * sweat

Date #29: Claire Curtin "Great date, love. Have a doughnut on your way out?" "I'm an animal control officer, idiot!" "Ahh... my bad, mate."

Ahh... Jack is hard at work on his painting. That can only mean one thing... his wife and kids are home. Jack is nothing if not discreet. "If I'm lucky, mate, me wife and kids will never know what me lifetime want be..."

It must be after 11 PM. "Two coconuts, a pickle, and this doomahickey that kind of looks like an orange but isn't, mate." *sigh*

Date #30: Sabastian Pai "It's been a slice, mate, but I don't really swing that way, savvy?" "I feel so used and dirty."

Date #31: Vince Walter "If I make our date last longer than thirty seconds will you let my future grandkids into yer school without an audition, mate?" "No." "Ah, well... it's been too fun, mate, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to run..."

Date #32: Russ Bear "What did I say about coworkers?" "Sorry."

"I said, no coworkers!" *sigh* "I vill try againa, Chief Captain Jack."

"Listen, mate, are you sure your name isn't Cassidy Shahan?"

Date #33: Jan Tellerman "You have no idea how good it is to see you, love." "Does this mean our date can last more than five minutes?" "No."

Too many leftovers had Elise inflating like a cheap balloon, not that Sims can ever really get 'fat', per se. "I am 'ideous!" Quit yer moanin' ... Jack only cares that you're blond and have makeup. "Zis ees true..."

"Do not say a word." My llamas are sealed. "Don't you mean lips?" That's what I said. Lips.

"Arrrr! I got an 'A'!"

"Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!" "Daddy, I got an 'A'!" "That's good, doll." "Wind in the sails!"

"Soo... you want to date my daughter, Orlando, mate?" "N-n-no sir!" "Why NOT?!?" "I want my mommy!" Jack... you shouldn't scare off Elisabeth's friends! "If they scare off then they're not allowed to date her, savvy?"

"Bonjour... you must be zee new neighbor zat Jacques mentioned zee other day." "That'd be me. I'm just canvassing the neighborhood to see if anyone is interested in joining the Don Uglacy fan club. Would you like to buy a membership?" "Who ees Don Uglacy?" "Well, there's a picture of him on my shirt..." "'E ees a zombie." "Yep!" "I think I will pass on zis..."

"Oh, hi Marsha! No, I'm not allowed to play. Daddy says it's too late out. Oh. You're at a payphone? Why are you at a payphone, Marsha? The police took your phone away? Why? Oh. That's too bad. I'm sure when you get out of jail you'll be allowed to have your own phone again. Bye!"

"So do all pirates play Rock, Paper, Scissors, daddy?" "Aye, doll. Only sissy ninjas play Red Hands... savvy?" "Savvy!"

"I do not sink zis 'Gage' sounds attractive at all!" "If he gets you in a hot tub you won't be able to resist." "But I am not one of zees 'simselves' you say keep falling in love wit' 'im!" "Doesn't matter. You aren't even safe in your sleep when Gage is around, Elise."

Finally! "So... wanna go steady?" "Non." "No?" "Non." "Why not?!?" "You broke my 'eart, you creep!" "Fine..." *mutter mutter mutter*

"Three toads and a purple-spotted mushroom." "You haff been visiting the voodoo lady again, haven't you?" "Just deliver the goods, mate."

Date #34: Ericka Jayapalan "Thanks for catching the burglar, mate. You're a swell date, savvy?"

Date #35: Contessa Lydia Chin "I think you need some Visine, love..." "Bleh!"

Date #36: Shelby Wolosenko "Three words, love. Lose the hat."

Date #37: Kaylynn Langerak "Don't I know you from somewhere, love?" "I've been your maid for twenty-five years." "No... that's not it, mate."

Date #38: Camryn Hurt "Want to see what I'm wearing under my trenchcoat, Chief Captain Jack?" "Ah, no." "No?" "No. I'm married, savvy?"

I take it you're done with the research, Jack? "I cut me leg off." Um. Why?

Sometimes I don't have to tell the story. Sometimes my Sims can be humorous all on their own.

"I haven't even paid you yet, mate!" "That is not your date, Chief Captain Jack." "That's a relief, mate. While he smells divine, he's not really to me taste, savvy?" "Just pay." "One severed leg."

Date #39: Kana Boyle "Zowee! Thanks for the espresso, love! Wowzers! Aieeeeeeee!"

"Move away from zee Energizer, papa! I neeeeeeed eet!" "It's daddy's special time with the electrocution device, sweets."

"Zat ees better."

Almost finished Jack? "I don't know about that, mate. Who would have thought writing a novel would take so long, aye?"

"So do you get to meet a lot of people when you're working at the game, Bethie?" "Mostly I get pelted with bananas, Marie. And one time wit' a baboon. 'E was 'appy to eat zee bananas. Does zat count as meeting someone?"

"You tell the best lies, Bethie." "Who says I am lying, Marie?"

"So I was spying when you made out with Randy and then dumped him. Will I get to do that to boys when I'm older, Bethie?" "Only if zey are jerks, Marie. Eef zey are nice zen you should be nice to zem too."

"Elisabeth 'as four scholarships now, Marie. You should apply yourself so zat you can earn many scholarships as well." "Can I get a scholarship for being a pirate?" "I ... do not know, Marie. Perhaps you could ask your teacher?"

"So, Papa, why is zhere always zee lady wit' zee crystal ball leaving zee 'ouse when I get home from school?" "I don't know what you're talking about, sweets."

And what are you doing, Elise? "Immortalizing myself in artwork." Why? "Why not?"

"Boingy! Boingy! Boingy!" Jack! The rum!

*sob* "I've gotta stop doing that, mate."

"Four lawn gnomes." "Finally you are startingk to properly appreciate my talents." "Seriously, love, you can have 'em. Keep stealing me rum..." Date #40, Gage Uglacy, disappeared mysteriously from the pictures. But I'm sure Jack would have made a comment on the simselves and the hot tubs and all that.

Date #41: Jonah Powers "Seriously, mate? Not my type."

Date #42: Shannon Toyonaga "The blue hair is so last Tuesday, mate."

Date #43: Abhijeet Deppiesse "Nice dreads, mate."

Date #44: Donte Ajjanagadde "No, you drop and give me fifty, mate! Talk about a lame date..."

"Listen, mate, I only need six more dates and then I'm done, savvy? You'll never have to look at me again." *mutter* "And it von't be a moment too soon." "I heard that, mate." "You vere supposed to, Chief Captain Jack."

Listen, I don't appreciate you spying on me thru the telescope, okay? If I want to sunbathe on my front lawn I should be able to without being spied on by pervy pirates. "You live across the street from Gage Uglacy, mate." Ehh... good point.

"This might just be me last purchase, mate." "Vhat you haff for me this time, Chief Captain Jack?" "A funny looking plant that made me tongue go numb and a marshmallow."

Date #45: Lucy Futa "Gee you're pretty, love. And a great date! Bye!" "B-b-but I j-j-just g-g-got here!" "Keep it up and you'll be here all day just saying 'goodbye', love. So I'll say it for you, savvy? Bye date! Bye Chief Captain Jack!" "I c-c-can't b-b-believe this."

Date #46: Prof. Elise Kearney "No, I will not play naughty research assistant, love. Thanks for the date! Bye!"

Date #47: Prof. Lainey Vijayakar "This date is lame, mate. I'm voting you off the island, savvy?"

Date #48: Katherine Kosmokos "Aaah! Hippy! Run away!"

"Goddess." Jack.

"I can't hear you, mate!"

Yeah, well I can't hear you either, Jack!

"...unless it's woohoo you want to talk about, mate."

"Or that time I peed my pants. Ahh... that was good times, mate." Have I ever told you that you're very, very strange? "Frequently, mate."

What? It can't be Mary's birthday already, can it?

"Wow! I'm cute, daddy!" Mary rolled Family, with a LTW to have a Golden Anniversary.

A quick makeover later and she was looking perfectly Piratical.

"This is just the initiation, doll." "And once this is over with I'll be a real pirate?" "Aye! Arr!"

"Papa, now zat Marie ees a teenager I sink I should move to college so I am catching zee next ship back to France! Au revoir!" "Have fun in Paris, sweets. Uhh... do everything I wouldn't do and you'll be fine, savvy?" "Savvy, papa."

"So." "So." "Two more dates." "Just pay me already." "One stuffed flounder and a bottle of me finest rum." "The bottle is empty." "What did you expect, mate?"

Date #49: Lexie Lewis "C'mon, mate! Hurry it up! Get out of here!" "Sheesh, what's the hurry, old guy?" "I just need one more date and then I'm done, savvy?"

Ehh... "Seen her already, mate. Next!"

Date #50: Prof. Laci Miguel "I could kiss ya, love." "Really?!?" *drama teacher alert!* "Uhh... no."

Congratulations, Jack. Fifty 1st dates. Nearly bankrupted the family to do it, too. So, what are you going to do now?

"Oh Elise...."

Ah. Well, enjoy it, Captain! Now you can spend time with your annoying French wife again! ==== Tune in next time as we explore old Paris with Elisabeth!