Chapter 18 – Two-Timing

Welcome back to A Piratical Legacy! No time for introductions; let's just dive in to the latest installment! (I suggest reading chapters one through seventeen if you're confused or new.)

"Hmm..." muttered the sinister-looking man in the hoodie as he flipped through the Pirate Island Times. "What's this? A new pet store... hiring soon... and being run by someone named Marie Buccaneer? Oh, you've got to be joking..." With a diabolical chuckle, the man pulled a pen out of his pocket and circled the job advertisement in bright red ink.

Pao sighed as he stared down at his newly aged granddaughter. "Sleep well, Grace," he murmured as he tucked the blanket in tightly around her. "Hopefully you can't hear your parents arguing downstairs..."

Pao needn't have worried. Grace didn't hear anything. Instead, she dreamed.

A colourless, featureless place. A sky burning with thousands of stars. And... "Who are you?" Grace asked the strangely familiar figure standing in front of her. "Anna," the apparition said shyly, running one hand through her hair. Her very... odd... hair. It was all white, except for one streak of brown exactly the same colour as Grace's own. "What are you doing here?" "What do you mean, what am I doing here?" Grace said. "You're the one interrupting my dream!" "Am not," Anna replied. "I was just out playing and then I you spoke! I didn't even see where you came from!"

Grace considered this for a moment. "Okay," she said. "Maybe I came to your place. But how'd that happen? It's never happened before. I thought I was just dreaming like normal!" "I dunno," Anna said. "But... I'm glad you did. I've never seen anyone else here before except Grandfather's pets. I've never had another girl to play with." "Never?" Grace could scarcely imagine not having other girls to play with. "What kind of place is this, anyway?"

"Well, it's my home," Anna shrugged. "But it's very small, and there aren't any other children. Just me, Grandfather, the cat, the rat, and the bird." "It sounds boring," Grace said, full of tact as usual. "I guess it kind of is," Anna said slowly. "But... you're here now! Do you want to be my friend?" Grace pondered this for a moment. "Okay."

The two girls plunked themselves down on the strange grass. "This game's called Mary Mack," Grace explained. "I play it with my cousin Morgan sometimes." Anna was a quick learner. Before long she'd mastered Mary Mack, and Grace taught her to play tag... and cops 'n' robbers... and catch... and every other game that she knew. "I've never had this much fun before!" Anna crowed. "Me neither," Grace said. "You're even more fun than my cousin

Morgan, and she's my best friend." "Will you be my best friend?" Anna asked brightly. "I've never met another human before." "Sure!" Grace said. She thought for a moment. "Most of the time a person only gets one best friend, but you can be my best asleep friend and Morgan can be my best awake friend. Is that okay?" Anna shrugged. Then she blinked. "Hey... you're going all kinda fadey," she said.

"I must be waking up," Grace said, looking down at herself. Impulsively, she threw her arms around Anna. "Goodbye Anna! I hope I dream about you again soon..."

August 4, PYI 130 Dear Diary, It's been a day since my dear husband Roche told me that he sold our baby, Susanna, to Death in exchange for freedom from his family curse. I haven't spoken to him since he told me. But I did invite De* over and ask for her take on the situation. She didn't know that was the price Roche had paid to lift the curse, and was as shocked as I was. But then she asked me... what should Roche have done? --- *De = fireflower314, Morgan and Pierce legacies

I got angry at her, dear Diary. I couldn't come up with an answer. If Roche hadn't done what he did, we wouldn't even have Grace, or the two babies I can feel kicking inside me. But because of his bargain with the Grim Reaper, Susanna is gone. I'm very confused. I wish he'd told me beforehand. -- Marie

A few weeks later, Marie surprised everyone by going into labour in the dining room. "Quick, call the ambulance!" Pao cried.

But it happened much too fast for the ambulance, yet again. Before anyone could do more than yell about emergency services, Marie had given birth to twins. This is Nicholas. Named for pirate Nicholas Brown, Nick has his father's (genetic) brown hair and the blue eyes shared by both his parents. In the 1700s, the real Nicholas Brown was a pirate attacking ships around Jamaica. He was caught and sentenced to hang. But the king spared his life on the condition that he give up piracy. Brown, of course, did not give up piracy and was eventually captured by an old schoolmate... who cut off his head, pickled it, and brought it back to Britain in a jar so he could claim the reward.

And this little guy is William, and he also has brown hair and blue eyes. Willie is named for boxer-turned-pirate William Fly. Fly was such a bad pirate that he managed to capture just one ship before his crew mutinied. They didn't even throw him overboard... they handed him over for hanging. Fly was a bit morbid, though, and seemed to enjoy his execution. He stood on the gallows, holding bunches of flowers, smiling and waving. The noose wasn't very well made so Fly tied the knot properly before slipping it over his head. Weirdo.

September 24, PYI 130 Dear Diary, I'm starting to forgive my husband, I think. His touch no longer fills me with revulsion. The only thing is... it seems that all we have is physical chemistry now. There's no sense of trust, or commitment.

I wonder how long it will be before the man I sleep with and I are friends again? -- Marie

Fall turned into winter, and after one particularly heavy snowfall a notice was sent out that school was cancelled! The very first thing Grace did was call her cousin Morgan and invite her over to play.

And oh, did the two of them play hard! "Snowball fight!" Grace cried gleefully. "I'm gonna whip your butt, Morgan!"

"No way," Morgan giggled. She balled up a huge snowball (it was a dirty one, and filled with rocks) and threw it as hard as she could at Grace.

"Missed!" Grace grinned as the snowball flew over the fence. She scooped up a handful of snow and ice and returned fire. "I don't think so!" Morgan giggled, dodging neatly to one side. A good thirty minutes later the girls tramped into the house to warm up, both sporting minor bruises but in good spirits nonetheless.

"I know," Grace said as they hung up their coats by the front door, "let's play darts!" "Are you sure we're allowed?" Morgan asked apprehensively. "It wouldn't be in the library if I wasn't allowed," Grace said. "Okay then," Morgan said. "Do your parents always put the things you're allowed to use in the library?" "If I'm allowed to play with it, they put it where I can reach it," Grace shrugged.

"My parents do that too, but our house is smaller than yours," Morgan said. "Hey, do you know why my dad didn't get to be legacy heir? I've always wondered." "Nobody's told me why my dad got chosen," Grace said dismissively. "I should ask the goddess," Morgan said. "She'd know." "I guess," Grace didn't sound very interested. "It's not important anyway. I wanna know who the next legacy heir is, not worry about the old one."

Before long, the two girls tired of throwing darts at the dartboard. Plus, they kept missing and the wall was starting to look pretty bad. "Let's play chess instead," Morgan suggested. The two girls settled in and made their opening moves. "Hey, did your cowplant just eat someone?" Grace whirled around to look. Morgan snickered, and moved a piece.

"Morgan, look!" Grace shrieked, studying the board. "It's an encyclopedia salesman!" "Where?" Morgan whirled around. Grace giggled and surreptitiously moved a piece.

After a while, though, both girls had caught each other cheating several times. "This is boring," Grace declared. "Let's play Cops 'n' Robbers. I'll be the cop!" "Why do I have to be the robber?" Morgan pouted. "It's just til I catch you," Grace shrugged. She pointed her index finger at Morgan. "Bang! I hit you!"

"Oh no!" Morgan shrieked, giggling. "I'm done for! Hey Grace, what do you think death is like?" "Why do you ask so many questions?" Grace asked. "I'm insatiably curious," Morgan shrugged. "I don't know anyone who's died." "I had a dream about visiting ... well, not heaven," Grace shrugged. "This kind of black-and-white place. Death lived there." "Weird," Morgan said, forgetting that she was supposed to be 'dying'. "Have you had that dream a lot?"

"Only once," Grace said, "and you're supposed to be dying, Morgan! Play properly!" "Fine, fine," Morgan muttered, and obligingly collapsed. Grace walked up to her and kicked her. "Ow!" "Anyway," Grace went on, ignoring Morgan's cry, "it wasn't very interesting... except..." and she slowly recounted the dream she'd had and the girl she'd met in her dreams so many months earlier. "That's creepy," Morgan said, eyes wide. "You're telling me."

A few weeks later, as the holidays approached, Roche went out and bought a store on a whim. He was frequently doing things on whims (Pleasure Sim!), and figured that since he and Marie were still on the outs he might as well channel his energy constructively. A few days after Christmas, Bubbles & Bubbly (for all your Pleasure Sim Needs) had its grand opening.

"Nadine*," Roche said to his newest employee, "I'd love for you to be out on the sales floor." "Got it, boss," Nadine said, coughing slightly in the crisp winter air. Roche then turned to his other employees. "Amin, you've got restocking. PB**, if you could take the cash register?" ---- *Nadine Fitzhugh, Fitzhugh Legacy by smoothiequeen87 **PB = Professor Butters, writer of the Squeaky Clean Legacy

Roche's family came by on opening day to check out the new family business. "I do not know that I entirely approve of this establishment," Jack said, pursing his lips. "Still, it is a creative outlet for your energy and time. If you are looking for high quality goods to sell, you have only to ask. I have some Egyptian Cotton I have been trying to clear for some time, my dear nephew." "Thanks Uncle Jack," Roche grinned, "but we're sticking to pleasure sim needs here. If I ever open a bed store or a hot sheet hotel, though, you'll be the first person I call." "I am not sure as to whether I should be reassured by that statement or not, my dear nephew."

As the time wore on, Roche found himself increasingly attracted to the beautiful saleswoman he'd hired. At first, he went with the flow, and for a time began to feel the sense of companionship that he no longer possessed at home... but then he began to feel guilty. "Nadine," he said hesitantly. "Yes?" "I can't do this anymore. I'm married... this is wrong." "Y-you're married?" Nadine was aghast. "You jerk!" "I definitely deserved that," Roche said sometime later, his ears ringing and his face smarting from the slap Nadine had delivered as notice of her intention to quit.

"Bro... I have a problem." "Oh?" Bart was all ears. "My, ah, chief salesperson just walked out on me," Roche explained. "Hmm..." Bart said. "Do you want the job?" Roche asked. "I've got a great job that I love, little brother," Bart said. He thought for a moment. "But I think there's someone in the family looking for work at the moment, now that you mention it..."

"I'd be delighted, dear nephew, To work in your shop. I can sell all your bubblies. Just don't tell me to hop!" "Err... right," Roche nodded. "I think I got the gist of that."

And slowly, things improved at the store. Roche wasn't attracted to any of his employees and was able to sell bubbles, bubbly, hot tubs, juice kegs, and firecrackers to his heart's content. It wasn't long until his store was raking in the dough. "This blower here is a remarkable find, Truly it is only one of a kind. Its got hundreds of features To enhance party joy.

It'll make you see creatures Like the pink poogle toy. The bubbles created by this here machine Will produce visions that will enhance any scene. Guaranteed to send you out of your mind." "Fine, I'll take it! Geez!" Marina* said in exasperation. ---- *Marina = smoothiequeen87, Fitzhugh Legacy

"Miss Toast*, could I interest you in a bubble blower?" "Mmm... cross between Johnny and Pao..." "Miss Toast?" "Sexy mailman..."

"Right... I'll be over by the champagne display if you need anything." "No, no, I'm here... yeah, I'll take three. And the champagne display." ---- *Ephemeral Toast, writer of Apocalypso-A-Go-Go & Ugothlacy

"I understand that you might Be in need of some replacement smite. We have goods on this shelf That your deity-self Could use to make cheats see the light." Excellent! You've sold me on that one, Celeste.

"I also am somewhat unclear Why your Goddesship doth appear To no longer be dressed In your piratical best, But instead in this rather dull gear." I mumbled something that may or may not have contained the words 'new stuff pack.'

"Hey Roche, I hear you've been leading on legacy characters!" Zoey Legacina* said with something between a smirk and a scowl on her face. "What?" Roche said, looking up from his inventory list in confusion. "I'd like to congratulate you on breaking Nadine Fitzhugh's heart." Zoey stuck her hand out. Roche grasped it, though he hadn't the faintest idea what Zoey was going on about.

"Aieeeee!" "Exactly," Zoey said. "And don't do it again!" "Errr..." ---- *Pseudo Legacy, by Orikes

It's okay, Roche. You're doing a great job... don't be too worried about what Zoey said. You're definitely my favorite. But you may want to lay off of the flirting. I can't see anything good coming of it unless it's your wife you're flirting with.

Now that Marie's pregnancy was past, it was time for the long-awaited opening of her brand new pet store, Marie's Pet Emporium. The business was a huge hit right from the start, and Marie found herself in need of some help. Although at first she was uncertain whether her new employee should be a stocker or stock himself.

"Gage*, hon, could you stay late and help me with the inventory?" Marie asked her hirsute employee late one evening. "I want to get home to the boys and I'll get home a lot faster if you're willing to put in a bit of overtime." "Sure," Gage said, shrugging. He scratched behind one ear awkwardly. Marie looked at him. "Fleas," he added, by way of explanation. ---- *Gage Uglacy, The Uglacy by Candi020765

February 23, PYI 131 Dear Diary, I am covered in flea bites. This sucks. -- Marie

Gage wasn't the only one Marie was spending time with after hours at the pet store, though. One evening Roche's college friend Jerry Turner just happened to stroll by while Marie was working on a few things. She stopped to chat with Jerry... it got late... you can do the math as to what happened next. Marie was very confused. She had strong chemistry with Roche, for sure. But other than pure physical magnetism, what else did their relationship have? Any trust or friendship was damaged by Roche's belated revelation that he'd agreed to give up their daughter. Consequently, while Marie felt some guilt over her illicit liasons... she also didn't stop indulging in them.

As the weather gradually warmed up, the youngest entrepreneur in the Buccaneer household also opened up shop. "Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze the poor, Money in the bank. Clinkety clinkety clinkety clinkety, Enough to fill a tank."* Grace has obviously been spending way too much time with her Aunt Celeste. And is labouring under the misapprehension that she is Scrooge McDuck. --- *Sung to the tune of 'Row Row Row Your Boat'.

Her very first customer was her grandfather, but before long Grace had nearly filled her piggybank. "What are you going to use the money for?" Roche asked his oldest child as he tucked her into bed one crisp April evening. "A new toy?" "Nah," Grace said. "I'm savin' up for an MP3 player."

Time passed, as it always does, and soon the twins' birthday rolled around. It was a family party, as usual, with April, Nala, Benjamin, and Bart in attendance.

October 14, PYI 131 Dear Diary, Can you believe that my baby boys are toddlers? I sure can't! I've enclosed a couple of pictures of the two of them in their best clothes. William has quite the mop of hair, doesn't he? It's always so wild and shaggy, no matter how short I cut it or how much I comb it. Willie is a little sweetheart. He's usually very tidy with his toys, which he plays with constantly. He loves being cuddled, but he doesn't really like to play more active games with his brother or his grandparents.

And this is Nicholas. Nicky's hair is growing in much slower than his twin's. But that's okay. Nick and his brother are very similar, though Nick is a lot shyer with new people, yet a lot more into rough-and-tumble games with his big sister and his grandparents. My babies... they're growing up way too fast! -- Marie

Marie often gushed about her babies and how fast they were growing in her blog, but it was really Grandma Ivy and Grandpa Pao who spent the most time with the two toddler tykes. Between them, they taught Nick and Willie how to use the potty...

... how to talk ... "Say 'Commodore Bear', Nicky!' "Stinky fuzzbutt!" "Oy, I heard that, ye little scoundrel!"

.. and how to walk. "Wanna play, Gramma!" "But this is playing, dearie." "'S not!" "We know better than to argue with a toddler. How about you walk over to us and then we'll read you a story?" "Yay!"

They also spent plenty of time snuggling with both little boys. "You know," Pao said one morning as he and Ivy sipped their coffee, "it seems we're raising these boys ourselves with Marie and Roche both at their stores so often." "We can't particularly disagree," Ivy said slowly. "We think we might have to have a chat with our son and daughter-in-law."

For Ivy and Pao were both growing old, and finding it harder to take care of little ones who ran a lot faster than they did of late. Both found themselves spending more and more time at home. Ivy even gave up her harem...

... while Pao retired from his minioning duties. Pao and Jack remained as close as ever, though, and Jack stopped by frequently to give updates on how the newest minions were getting on.

As the year turned towards spring and summer once again, Roche listened to his parents and began cutting back on his hours at the store. Celeste and Professor Butters were more than competent to handle almost anything that might happen. Pearl, for one, was glad to see more of her Master.

Not that she'd been lacking in attention. William was always toddling about the house in search of Pearl, and she dutifully took care of him if no adults were in sight. "Tickles!"

She even went as far as feeding William on occasion. "Yummy!" Pearl did offer a few bites to Nick, but he wasn't interested in chowing down on dog food.

Ivy and Pao both took advantage of Roche's greater contribution to child-rearing in their household and spent more time with their other grandchild, Morgan. "Grandma, have you always been a good dancer? What's this dance called? Can you teach me how to smustle? Why is smustling cool anyway? It looks pretty silly to me. Why couldn't Grace come with you? When can I come over to play? Can Grace come over tomorrow? Where do babies come from? Why did you only have two kids? Why does Uncle Roche have a white streak in his hair?" "One at a time," Ivy laughed. "We aren't an encyclopedia!" "Why not?"

Morgan was very excited about her impending big-sister-ness and often talked to the swelling bulge of her mother's tummy. "Hi baby! Are you a boy or a girl? When are you coming out? Is it dark in there? Will you be my friend? You have to have your own room. I don't want to share. What's your favorite color? When will you learn how to talk? Grace says babies are stinky. Are you stinky?" "We think you're going to have your hands full," Ivy laughed as she walked out the door on her way home.

A short time later, De and Bart were happy to welcome a baby boy, Pierce. He, of course, was named for the type of damage that rapiers, a favored pirate weapon, do to the people they poke. Morgan was excited about Pierce's arrival, but somewhat disgusted that he was a boy.

Bart found it to be a bit of an adjustment, getting used to having a baby in the house again. That was for sure! "P-U!" Morgan exclaimed. "Grace was right, babies are stinky! Daddy, how long until Pierce is toilet trained? Do you think he could hurry it up? Can we get an air freshener? How do air fresheners work? Why do they always come in pine? Are there pine vampires that suck the smell out of trees and put it in air fresheners?"

"Want the bottle, Nicky?" "You can have it, Willie." "I'm full!" "Me too!" "Let's go find Pearl." "Otay."

You know, you shouldn't jump on the bed, Grace. "Wh-who's talking?" Grace said, sounding a bit startled. It's just me. "Who?" Me! Sarah, wearer of purple pirate suits... and your beloved deity. "I thought we were agnostic?" Sorry, kid. Your deity lives on your island, in the flesh. I've just...

butted out for a while, since stuff has been happening that I can't interfere with. "So why are you talking to me now?" Hmm... good point. "Wait! Come back!" But it was no use. My talkative phase had ended for a while as I wandered off to sulk about being unloved... and to watch a train wreck happen.

"Why yes, we do have a position open. Just come on through..."

"I really appreciate you hiring me, Mrs. Buccaneer." "*whew* Call me Marie."

"Arr!" "Nala, put the bear down please," Bart said in exasperation. "De and the kids are sleeping and I won't be happy if you wake them up." "It's not me," Nala said, holding Commodore Bear gingerly. "Grandpa Jack obviously has something to say." "Aye, love. Listen up, Bart. Your brother is being cuckolded by his lovely wife on a regular basis, mate, and we ghosts think something bad may come of it... savvy?"

"Fine," Bart grimaced. "I'll look into it. But frammit, Grandpa Jack, I thought the family's problems were over and done with!" "Arr, if only life were that simple, mate." At that moment, baby Pierce started wailing at the top of his lungs. "Aah!" Bart yelled. "Can't a man have any peace and quiet?" "Not when he has an infant in the house," Nala pointed out.

"He would still be sleeping if you and our dear greatest of grandfathers hadn't woken him up," Bart muttered. "Anyway, it's late. I'll talk to you later, Nala. I'm going to get Pierce back to sleep and then go to bed myself." "Don't forget about checking into what Marie's up to," Nala reminded him. "Yeah... I'll swing by the pet store tomorrow," Bart called over his shoulder as he headed upstairs and Nala let herself out the front door.

The next evening, Bart stopped by the pet store on his way home from work. He was very upset to see Marie draping herself all over one of her employees... especially once he recognized who that employee was.

In his shock, he forgot that he was planning to talk to Marie, and was gone before Marie and her newest employee, Anthony Greaves, 'closed up shop' for the night. Thankfully.

November 19, PYI 132 Dear Diary, Roche and I are finally starting to become friends again, sort of. I still don't trust him, but the attraction has never waned even when I hated him, and we've been getting pretty intensely physical again lately.

Actually, I'm a bit worried about that. What if I end up pregnant again? -- Marie

A few days after his surreptitious visit to Marie's shop, Bart stopped by legacy manor. He'd been rehearsing what he would say to his brother since he'd seen Marie with Anthony, and he still had no idea how it was going to come out. He just hoped Roche wouldn't shoot the messenger.

Fortunately, it was easy for Bart to get Roche off into the library for a private chat, as Pao had his old buddies over for drinks. Ivy, Pao, Ben*, and Jack were hanging out in the dining room. Marie was upstairs tucking in the kids. Bart and Roche could talk in peace. --- *Ben is guilty of the Ten Caesars legacy.

"I don't know how to say this," Bart began, settling down next to Roche in the library, "but--" "Marie is cheating on me, right?" Roche sighed. "Y-you knew?" "I've suspected for a while," Roche said sadly. "I don't think she's forgiven me for-- for Susanna's death."

"It goes back that far?" Bart was shocked. "Well, it's my fault," Roche shrugged sadly. "I had to promise the Grim Reaper that he could have my firstborn in exchange for resurrecting Anthony and breaking the curse." "That's... brutal," Bart breathed. "I couldn't have done it." "I... almost couldn't go through with it," Roche said. "But I did... and at least now the family is free, right?" "Not exactly," Bart said. "You see, the man I saw Marie with... was Anthony."

"...crap."

Roche wandered into the kitchen in shock after Bart left. Grabbing a bag of chips, he munched them absently while he thought about the situation. Jack also wandered into the kitchen, and was immediately set upon by Pearl. Roche tried offering her a few chips to distract her, but to no avail. "I detest mammals of the canine persuasion!" Jack complained as he legged it off the property. Pearl gave a satisfied bark and curled up in her dog house. Roche shrugged, and went to bed, Bart's revelation about Marie's choice in lovers momentarily forgotten.

Sleep eluded Roche, however, and as he could hear both boys stirring he grabbed one in each arm and headed downstairs with them.

"I don't know why people insist this stuff is radioactive," he murmured as he prepared bottles of smart milk for Willie and Nick. He watched his sons down the bright green milk and lifted them out of their high chairs when they were done. Sure, they glowed bright green. But that was a normal side effect of smart milk and just showed that it was working. It had nothing to do with radioactivity, or so Uncle Eddie had advised him. Roche pondered this for a while, having successfully put all thoughts of Marie's affair with Anthony out of his head.

February 14, PYI 133 Dear Diary, Well, I'm pregnant again. I can't really pretend that I'm happy. Not when I'm not sure whether the baby is Roche's... or Anthony's. -- Marie

Bart was worried about his younger brother, but he had other things to think about and slowly, Grandpa Jack's warning slipped from his thoughts. Whenever he thought of Marie and Roche, he was sad... but he had so many happy things in his life that he found it easy to ignore the unpleasant side of life. "Daddy, daddy, I got an A plus!" Morgan shrieked, waving her report card triumphantly. "Way to go, kiddo!" Bart grinned. "Now can we get a complete set of the Encyclopaedia Britannica like you promised?" "If it'll stop you asking questions every ten seconds..."

As he planted his garden, Bart listened to the sounds of his daughter on the swing set behind him and thought about how lucky he was.

For one thing, he and De still had a very romantic relationship.

Though that was, of course, not without its... drawbacks?

Sorry, De. Your husband is a jerk. You pass out from pregnancy-induced fatigue... and he laughs his head off. That's what you get for having two bolts with a mean sim.

"Whee! More, grandma!" "We are stuck. Pao! Help! Our back has gone out!" "Higher, grandma!" "Pao!"

Marie's pregnancy progressed, and time passed, and before long it was time for Nick and Willie's birthday. The usual suspects were again invited, and Ivy's back was once again in the proper alignment so she made sure to be present.

Nick decided to continue with a short-haired look. "C'mon Willie," he said impatiently as he waited for his brother to transition. "Let's go play with our presents!"

Willie, on the other hand, just kept getting shaggier and shaggier. Despite that, he was the handsomer of the two by a very small margin. Both boys were adorable. "I wanna talk to Auntie April and Auntie Nala first," Willie said.

Theirs wasn't the only birthday, either. It seemed like Pierce had only been born yesterday, and now he was a toddler too!

"Pierce, why do you play with that stupid bunny head? Don't you like fun toys? Are you ticklish? I'm going to tickle you!" "Morgie!" Pierce giggled.

"Pearl, love, I'd be thrilled if you'd stop harrassing Uncle Jack," Roche said. "He's my main supplier of cheap French champagne, and I've missed out on the last three shipments because you keep driving him off!" "Wuf." "It's not funny, Pearl." "Wuf-wuf-wuf."

Willie giggled as he rubbed his socked feet on the rug in the living room. Then, very tenatively, he reached out a finger towards his father. "Aieeeeeeeee!" "Heheheheh." "Willie, that's not nice," his mother admonished absently.

"We are very lucky to be married to you, Pao." Pao and Ivy were as happy as ever despite their advancing age. Roche and Marie both looked at them often and sighed enviously. If only their relationship could be as strong... for despite Ivy's former harem, she'd only ever had eyes for Pao once they got married. He was the only one she'd ever really loved, and he knew it. Marie, on the other hand, wasn't sure if she loved Roche anymore. She resolved to sit down and chat with Ivy or De before much longer.

Spring had sprung, and love was in the air after all. Pao didn't care about love, though. He had as much as he needed in Ivy - he wasn't about to go looking for more. No, to him spring just meant that it was time to plant tomatoes.

Bart's tomato plot was also thriving, despite the fact that he spent more time chasing butterflies than tending his plants.

"Bart, why is there a jar of dead bugs on the counter?"

Time passed, and more time, and soon it was Morgan's birthday. "What's being a teenager like? Will I be pretty? How long til I get my first kiss? Can I borrow the car tonight?" "As to the first two, blow out the candles and find out, dear," De said encouragingly. "As to the last, definitely not."

Doesn't Morgan make a lovely teen? She's absolutely beautiful. She couldn't wait to call Grace and tell her all about growing up. "My birthday soon!" Grace crowed. "You're coming to my party, right?" "Wouldn't miss it for the world," Morgan grinned.

Much to Marie's disgust, Roche took to spending hours on the computer. While Marie wasn't really jealous of the time her husband spent there, she did worry that he would find her blog... and find out that baby she carried might not be his.

As it turned out, she was panicking due to hormones - Roche had no idea that Marie kept a blog online... so when baby Gertie was born, he had no clue that she might not be his. She had blue eyes like him, and blond hair like her mother. Gertrude Stubbs was a pirate who operated off of Yorkshire, England. One of her crew was captured and offered to betray her in return for a pardon. Gertie was arrested and died of a fever while in jail. Her treasure was never discovered. Or so the story goes... but the story was made up. Still, a lot of people think Gertie really existed.

"My wife is so hot when she forgets she was potty-trained as a toddler." "Honestly, Roche, we are not amused."

"What do you want for your birthday, Grace?" Nick asked his big sister over breakfast. Her party was scheduled for that night. "A cellphone," Grace said. "And some savings bonds, and a stock portfolio." "You're a dork," Willie smirked. "What do your friends think of your extreme dorkitude?" "They don't care," Grace shrugged. "Everybody's weird, Willie." "Is Morgan coming for your birthday?" Nick interrupted. "Do you know?" "She said she'd be here," Grace said.

Roche chuckled all the way to work that day. As it turned out, work was... strange. For one thing, people* kept wandering behind the counter, much to his cashier's annoyance. ---- *Brody Legacina, Pseudo Legacy by Orikes

For another, deities kept getting confused and wondering why they couldn't find any merchandise in the bathrooms.

Other demi-gods kept putting jars full of insects on the counter.

And Roche's elderly Aunt Anne dropped a lump of mouldy parmesan in the firecracker display.

Finally, Roche was outside chatting with his friends Hercules and Elphaba* when he made a slightly off-color remark to Elphaba. She giggled, and batted her eyelashes at him. ---- *Lovechild of smoothiequeen87 and Gage Uglacy

That would be when Hercules flipped out, not that this deity can blame him. But still... for a flirt? Bit of an overreaction there, Herc.

"I thought we were friends!" "What? All I said was that the colour green suits her!" "You're such a jerk, Roche. I'm telling my mom to Zotz! you." Heyyy... leave me out of this.

Elphaba, meanwhile, couldn't stop crying. She was terrified that her marriage was over.

Of course, in her despair she decided that she should try to hit on Roche as the store approached closing time. "I'm a married man, 'Faba," he reminded her sternly. Elphaba sighed sadly and wandered home to try to salvage her marriage. Roche also went home... to celebrate his oldest daughter's birthday.

Morgan made good on her promise and was there for her best friend's party. But it was a small party, family only. De couldn't make it, being pregnant again and having to stay home with Pierce, so it was just Morgan and Bart there to celebrate with Grace and her family. "C'mon, blow out those candles! Can I have a big slice of cake, Grace?" "There'll be a fifty percent markup on extra portions, Willie. Pay up."

Still, Grace grew up beautifully despite the small party... and that's where I shall leave you! Tune in next time... when we might find out if Roche finds out if Gertie is his or not. Morgan and Grace may or may not get their first kisses. Grace might or might not find out more about her mysterious 'dream friend', Anna. One or more businesses might or might not make it to level ten. Ivy and Pao might or might not go on to that great harem in the sky. De might or might not have another kid! And Nick and WIllie might or might not develop personalities! All that and less... coming soon.