a love less ordinary

7/28/2019 A Love Less Ordinary

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A Love Less Ordinary

BY: Zorya

E-MAIL: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: Joss, WB, Mutant Enemy....all rich guy types, whereas I'm not...rich...or a guy.... And thelovely Sarah McLachlan for her "I Will Remember You" I think that's all.

CATEGORY: B/A, B/R, romance

RATING: NC-17

DISTRIBUTION: If it's something you want, just ask.

SPOILERS: After Season 3

SUMMARY: It's yet another milestone time in Buffy's life and she longs to escape.

COMMENTS: I've been MIA for a bit, and I wanted to send this out before I left, but obviously, I wasn't ableto. So to Lex, Happy Belated, and to Tam, maybe it'll give a little happy.

Also, it's non-beta'd. So sorry for all the mistakes. And another one, I'd like to thank SFA and AleXander,without whom parts of this fic would be either really screwed up nonexistant.

FEEDBACK: I like it good, hey I even like it bad....I just don't like the flames. They tend to lick at the tenderspots.

Buffy sighed. For ten days she'd been holding on to the letter. Ten days. And today she would mail it. Atleast, she thought she would. She'd been standing in front of the post office for the past four hours. Firstshe'd "needed" to get stamps. Then she'd "needed" to go to the bathroom. Lunch time came and went andshe'd "needed" to run over to Jack's for a quick sandwich. But it was two in the afternoon now and she stillhadn't done the deed. All she had to do was slip the envelope inside the slot and leave. It wasn't a big deal.

So why did it feel, on some level, like the end of the world?

Buffy took another deep breath and looked around. The sky was like blue topaz with nary a cloud to blemishits purity. The sun was shining down with warmth and abandon. A slight breeze blew through the emeraldgreen tree tops. It was one of those perfect days when the world seemed right. It almost felt as if she hadnothing to fear. But Buffy knew differently. Come night fall the picture created in the peaceful little townwould turn bleak and dim and the monsters of everyone's childhood nightmares would pour forth from theshadows. And she would be the one to dispatch them back to the hellish realm in which they belonged. Shewas the Slayer, after all.

She sat down on the steps outside the post office. Sunnydale University. It was hard to believe her fouryears of college had passed so quickly. She was a senior and in two months she'd graduate -- rightalongside her best friends in the world. Willow, Oz, Amy and Xander were so excited about graduating. Theyall had plans for their lives. Willow had given in to her parent's pleading and was going to attend med schoolat Stanford in the fall. Oz, ever faithful to his witchy woman, was going to move on to grad school there aswell where he could pursue a music degree. Amy had majored in Chemistry and she planned to become aNew Age alchemist and move to northern California where there was a growing Wiccan community. Xander,who'd gone to summer school to catch up, had majored in film. His dream was to move to L.A. and makemovies. However, after they graduated, he planned to join the Army for a bit. He'd never forgotten hisexperience from Halloween years ago. Only Buffy remained. Where could she go? Nowhere. Her life was on


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the Hellmouth. She couldn't just leave that behind. Two years into college she'd finally decided to major inPsychology after finding she was very good at interacting with and understanding people. Of course she'dnever have need of the degree. But it felt nice to have completed it. It felt like an accomplishment.

With a resigned look at the envelope in her hands, Buffy stood up. Before she could think about it yet again,she slipped it inside the mail slot and turned away. Halfway back to her apartment she had to consciouslysquelch the urge to run back and tear the mail box apart in an attempt to retrieve the letter. After a few deep

breaths she calmed herself enough to continue her walk to the apartment. She had a thesis to complete andWillow's off hour was now. Maybe she could get some help on it.

===============

"So you think he's gonna ask you?" Willow asked from behind her desk in her bedroom. Buffy had toted herlap top in and was reclining on Willow's bed while they each worked on their thesis papers.

"I don't know," Buffy said as she typed. "Seems that way, doesn't it? I don't know if I'm looking forward to itor not." Her dainty fingers flew over the keys as she expanded the thoughts from her notes.

They both looked up at the same time and smiled. Buffy was in awe every time she saw Willow these days --which wasn't often. The red head had lost her shyness over the past four years and was now a sweet, but

bold, beauty. She was no longer afraid to speak her mind or show her intelligence. Willow had won thestudent body over, or at least those she came into contact with.

She was popular, but not in the cheerleader, sorority girl way. She had the respect of every student andfaculty member in the school.

Willow let her green-gray gaze wander over her best friend. Buffy had matured so much since they'd cometo college. Her hazel eyes were always so much more serious, though Willow secretly thought that could beattributed to something else entirely. Much to her surprise, Buffy's academics had soared once they reachedthe university. Gone was the girl who seemed so blas with her studies. Her brassy attitude had softenedinto a grace and light that encompassed everyone who came near her. *Except the demons* she thoughtwith a grin. But Buffy held a part of herself away from the rest of the world. She was

unattainable. Buffy was no longer a reigning May Queen, but that didn't stop the masses from wanting to be

near her. In truth, Willow thought Buffy might be the most sought after woman at SU -- by men and womenalike.

"Are the guys coming over tonight?" Buffy asked.

Willow nodded as she returned her attention to her paper. "Yeah. Xander's bringing the pizzas. Oz's comingequipped with music. Amy and Adam are bringing this week's pick flicks. You and I are providing the place.

All Riley and Spike have to do is get their hot tushies over here and we can jam."

"Oh, I have to run by Giles's place before I can settle in for the night," Buffy remembered as she closed thelap top and jumped off of Willow's bed. "He needs an account for the demon of the week, as always."

Willow nodded absently as she typed. "Okay. If you're not back by the time the food gets here, I'll give your

love muffin the memo."

"Ha, ha, Wills. Don't work too hard. I'll get wolfie to pull you away from the 'puter if I have to," she warned.

Willow wiggled in her seat. "Don't tempt me," she shot back at Buffy with a suggestive grin.

"You're horrible!" Buffy called out to her friend as she walked down the hallway to her own room. She pickedup a light jacket and her keys and headed out.


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==============

"Giles? You here?" the twenty-two year old blond Slayer called out as she stepped into his office. After theAscension and blowing up the Sunnydale High library, Giles had been fired. So he'd taken a position at theuniversity and was now a highly acclaimed professor of demonology.

"He's in the little Watcher's room, Slayer. What do you need?"

Buffy narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing here, Spike?"

"I'm a teacher's assistant. Where else should I be? This is my bloody job." His gaze raked over her. "Unlessyou want me to go out and bite a few necks, which I'll be more than happy to do. I know you've been havinga slow go of it lately, luv."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Spike. At least I know I can always count on you to come through for me in abind."

"Anytime," he offered smoothly.

"Well, while you're here you can put yourself to some use and tell Giles that all unusual Hellmouthycreatures have been dispatched. Though unusual and Hellmouth pretty much go hand in hand."

Spike looked at her. "Okay. I'm just going to say I got that."

"You are going to be at my place by seven, right?" she asked as she turned to walk out the door.

"Yes, Princess. I'll be at your place by seven," he mimicked her.

She grinned sweetly at him over her shoulder. "Oh goody. I so look forward to it." Buffy shot him a warningglare. "This time *don't* forget to pick up Riley."

Spike grinned innocently and raised his hands. "Hey. The last three times were an honest mistake."

Buffy walked out in a huff and he laughed as he heard her mumbling something about "soulless jerks".

"Did I hear Buffy?" Giles asked as he walked back into his office.

"Yeah. She just wanted me to let you know that she went, she saw, she slayed."

"Ah yes. I can always count on Buffy for details," he sighed.

"Well, Watcher. I'm off. I promised the Princess I'd be at her place on time and she's making me pick herlittle boy toy up on the way."

"Oh? How is Riley?"

"The same little sniveling pansy..." Spike trailed off as he caught Giles staring at him. "I suppose he'speachy. He and the Slayer seem to be getting along very well."

"Really? Do you believe it to be....serious?"

Spike smirked. "If you're asking me if they've shagged, well, I'd have to go with yes. It's been four years,after all. The Slayer may be wary after her last bit of action, but she's no nun."


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"I see. Well, ahhh, I actually was merely contemplating the possibility of a somewhat normal life for her. Youknow, husband, children, house with a picket fence. I will be the first to admit that it is not usually a probablefactor in any Slayer's life, but Buffy is different. She deserves to have her dreams come true."

Spike eyed his Slayer's Watcher. The fact that he'd begun to think of the Slayer as *his* Slayer hadn't goneunnoticed. The past four years had given him a greater understanding and appreciation for the petite blondbombshell.

He didn't fool himself into thinking she could love him. If she'd been so inclined she would have realized ityears before now. But he did care for her. He'd promised to look after her and he meant to make damn surenothing bad happened to her.

Spike walked to the door and turned back to Giles, unable to hold his thoughts back. "You're right. TheSlayer does deserve to have her dreams come true." He raised his gaze steadily to the aged man. "I justwish someone would have realized that when the Slayer still had dreams."

===============

They gathered in Willow and Buffy's apartment and curled up on the furniture around the TV. Buffy and Rileywere sitting together in their oversized Lazy-Boy. Willow and Oz had taken over the loveseat. Amy and

Adam were snuggled together on the floor and Xander and Spike sat on opposite ends of the couch...alone.

Buffy stretched against Riley as the movie ended. "Well, that was certainly a blast to the past." They'd justfinished watching "My Best Friend's Wedding".

"Ahhhh," Amy said. "I always wanted them to get together. Julia's so much prettier anyway."

"Looks aren't everything," admonished Xander. "But she is pretty hot. Still, Cameron Diaz is no dog."

"I kinda hoped her editor would turn out to be not gay. He's such a cutie. And I just love when they all sing inthe restaurant," Willow gushed.

Oz grinned down at her. "You really are quite the odd little witch."

"And you really are quite the sexy little werewolf. Well, maybe not so little," she blushed.

"Okay," Buffy sang out as she stood up. "I'm thinking that's enough talk of *that* sex life for tonight."

"Not gettin' any, Slayer?" Spike asked.

"Spike," Buffy hissed. "That's not any of your business."

"Uh-huh. You know, I could find out if I really wanted to."

"But you don't really want to, so it doesn't matter."

Riley grinned at Spike from his seat in the chair. "Jealous? Why don't you have a little vampire love hiddenaway, anyway, Spike?"

"Maybe I do," the blond vampire growled. "Maybe I just keep her locked away because she eats twerps likeyou for breakfast."

"Boys!" Buffy quickly intervened. "I know there's no lost love, but can you please behave while you're here?"


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Both men nodded and settled down. Amy and Adam stood up at the same time Oz and Willow did. Willowwas going to leave Buffy the apartment for the night and spend some quality time with Oz. Buffy walked thetwo couples to the door and they said their good-byes.

"Well," she said turning back to the three guys in her home. "I was thinking I might go ahead and hit the sackmyself," she said meaningfully.

Xander stood up. "Well, I can give Riley a ride home. I know how hard it's been since his car was totaled,"he said innocently.

"That's okay, Xander. You're such a sweetie, but I don't think that'll be necessary," Buffy said with a grin.

"Suit yourself," he said with a sigh. Spike grumpily followed him out of the apartment.

"Well," Buffy said, turning to Riley as she shut the door. "Wasn't that interesting?"

"Mmmmm," he murmured. "Yeah. But I have something a lot more interesting in mind for us to do now."

"Really?" she asked coyly. "Like what?"

Riley growled as he lunged forward to pick her up in his arms. "Why don't I just show you?" he asked as hecarried her to her bedroom.

==============

It was two days later when Angel received the letter. He stepped outside of his condo that night andgathered his mail on his way to the office where Doyle and Cordelia were waiting for him. He tossed his keysup in the air as he walked to his car. The night was thick with expectancy. He'd hoped for a slow time of it,but it seemed as if he might not get his wish.

His home was only a few blocks from the building, so he reached his destination before he knew it. As herode the elevator up he glanced through the envelopes. If his heart had been beating it most assuredlywould have stopped when he saw her curly, bold script leering up at him. His fingers itched to tear the paper

open, but he stifled the feeling. It probably wasn't even a letter from her. How many times had he felt thesame way, only to find out it was merely another client sending a "thank you" note or some other form ofcommunication?

His good mood was soured by the time he stalked into the office.

"Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the coffin," Cordelia muttered as he walked by her in a flash ofblack leather.

Without even looking in on Doyle, Angel walked into his office, throwing a careless, "Don't start with me,Cordelia," over his shoulder. He tossed the mail onto his desk before settling down into his cushy blackleather chair and staring at the last remaining letter. His long, powerful fingers ran gracefully over the coarsepaper, and he imagined he could smell her fragrance on it -- like a subtle blend of strawberries andchampagne -- light, but unmistakable.

Carefully he slipped his letter opener under the flap and opened it. Dread raced through his veins as he slidthe thin sheet of paper out. With trembling hands he unfolded it and began to read.

Angel,

I know it's been a long time since we've spoken to each other. I'm sorry I haven't written or called or visited.It's just that after the last time we were all in L.A., I didn't think I could be near you in any way again withouteverything coming back to me.


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I'm graduating in a few months. Wow, graduation, huh. It almost seems like yesterday when we wentthrough a whole different commencement ceremony.

I think that will be embedded in my memory for all time.

I'm writing this to tell you that I'm moving on. I don't know where I'll go after graduation, but I can't stay here.I'm not leaving forever; I couldn't. But everything will be too raw emotionally after this. Everyone is goingtheir own ways. Nothing stays the same. And of course I'm happy for them all, but I've just got to get away.

I'll probably be going away with my boyfriend, Riley. You remember him, don't you? I know Spike must havetold you something about him. Yes, I know you're having Spike watch over me. I thank you for the thought,odd as it is.

I'm not bitter. Not anymore. It just doesn't seem worth it. You were right. This is the way things had to be. I'mthinking I might marry him, if he ever asks. This is the normal life everyone always wanted for me.

If you were to come to my graduation, I would not mind. I'm sure the Gang would be glad to see you. EvenXander. Either way, I'm sure Spike will be calling to give you the details.

Love,

Buffy

He folded the note back up and rested his hands on his desk. Hurt and anger swam though him, as well aspeace and understanding. She'd finally found a man she could be with. A man who could give hereverything he himself could not. It was good. It was what she deserved.

But he was still bothered by the fact that she was leaving. He wouldn't know where she was. And what if shegot in trouble and needed him? Angel slammed his hands on the smooth glass. Dammit! It wasn't any of hisconcern anymore. She'd said it herself. She was moving on.

==========

Buffy and Willow were sitting on a pair of matching tombstones as they watched, with a horrific sense offascination, the fight unfolding before them. Spike and Riley were going at it, and to anyone it would appearthey meant to kill each other.

"Aren't you going to do something to stop this?" Willow asked.

"What would that accomplish?" Buffy shot back. "If I interrupt them now, they'll just start up again anothertime. I know Spike won't kill him and I really don't think Riley could."

"Don't start with me, Slayer. You could be next," Spike called out, having heard their conversation with hisadvanced hearing.

"Bring it on. I'm always ready."

Her words caused both men to falter and they turned to look at her.

"What?" she asked innocently.

The men looked at each other, both tired. Spike had ten times the stamina of Riley, but Riley was anexcellent fighter. He could practically intuit the next move his opponent would make.

"Truce?" Riley asked, wiping the sweat from his brow.


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Spike nodded. "For now. But believe me, in the end, I'll win."

"Dream on, Spike," Riley grinned as they shook hands.

The vampire could feel the honesty in the other man's handshake. Riley was solid. He wasn't dishonest or ademon or any other kind of being that would end up causing the Slayer pain. No, he'd be a good husband.Damn the Watcher for bringing up the thought! It wasn't supposed to go down like this. Sure, the boy was agood match for her, appearance-wise anyway. He was tall next to her small form, broad and muscled, withshort sandy brown hair. In truth, he looked like the boy next door, Mr. All American. He fit nicely beside herHomecoming Queen type beauty. But beneath all of that...he was no match for her strength or bravery. As amortal he could be admired. He had twenty times the balls that wuss Xander did. But there was somethingso...common...about Riley Finn. The Slayer wasn't normal, why should she have to settle for regular? Sure,the boy was human; he'd be able to spend his life with her in the sunlight, give her children, watch her growold. Spike just didn't think that's what his Slayer needed. Not in her heart.

Buffy walked up behind her boyfriend and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Ugh, you stink," she chidedhim.

Riley looked over his shoulder, down at his petite girlfriend. It amazed him every time he looked at her, justhow strong she was. "Well...I've got an idea on how we can fix that."

"Hmmm. I'd like to take you up on that, but you know Spike and I are teamed up for tonight. Why don't yougo back to my place and wash up? I might not be in 'till late, but you could keep the bed warm for me," shemurmured.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "As always, your wish is my command." He blew her a kiss as heloped off with Willow.

"I must say that was a most sickening sight," Spike commented to her.

"Get over it. You know, Riley's right. Why *don't* you have a little vampire ho locked up and pleading foryour kisses? I thought that was your style?"

He glared at her, his blue eyes icy. How did you tell the woman of your dreams that she was the only oneyou wanted? "Like I said, maybe I do. You don't know me, Slayer. You have no idea what goes on in mylife," he ground out.

"Uh-huh. I see. Just like I don't know why you're really here, right? Just like I don't know you report my everyaction back to HIM?" She looked at him, unabashed. "Well. Is it that you can't get a date since you're hangin'with the Slayer?"

"Shut up," he said and turned to continue patrolling.

"Afraid you don't have the fangs enough to play with the big boys anymore?" she taunted.

"Leave it alone, Slayer," he warned. If she didn't stop her foolish yapping he was just going to spin heraround and kiss her until she couldn't breathe, let alone speak.

He heard the moment she paused behind him. "Is it..." she whispered. "A....'down cycle'?" Buffy could barelykeep the grin from her voice.

"Bloody hell!" Spike yelled as he turned on her. "You just don't know when to stop, do you? No, it's not abloody 'down cycle'! Vampires don't HAVE 'down cycles'! And..and certainly not a vampire like ME!" heroared.


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Buffy stared up at him, wide eyed. "I'm sorry, Spike. I can see you're touchy about this. Really, I was justkidding. I didn't know it was true -"

"It's not true. It could never be true. I've never had a down period in my entire life -- dead or alive!"

Buffy couldn't hold back the small twitch of her lips. "What about that time you were in the wheelchai-"

"I said NEVER!" he yelled at her.

"Down boy, you'll wake the dead," she mumbled placatingly.

Spike ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know why I even try. Why do I care? It's none of my business.Why am I even here? Not because of him. It's me. My own stupidity..." he rambled on to himself.

"Ummm....Spike...?" Buffy ventured.

"What now, Slayer?" he asked in irritation.

She shrugged. "I just thought you might like the opportunity to stake those vampires behind you before they

have their way with you. They certainly don't seem to be in a 'down cycle', if you know what I mean -"

"Shut up, Slayer," he grumbled as he turned again, letting his frustrations out on the "unsuspecting" vamps.

=============

Weeks passed and soon it was only three days before graduation. She hadn't heard back from Angel, but itwasn't the top most thing her mind. No, she was stressing about much different things, like Commencementand the last summer she'd have with her friends and when she'd exactly get around to telling Riley shewanted him to take her away. The closer it got to the day, the more she knew he'd put up a fight. Hewouldn't want to leave on the spur of the moment. But the closer the closer it got to the day, the morecompelled Buffy felt to make a run for it. She felt confined and that was not a good feeling for a Slayer. Lookwhere it had gotten her the last time.

It was just that her life seemed to be falling apart again. Of course she'd known they would all part wayseventually. Buffy just hadn't thought eventually would come so quickly. In a locked up part inside of her,she'd always hoped they would stay together forever. They could all live in the same neighborhood andhave kids who would grow up to be 'Scooby Gang: the Next Generation'. And now it seemed as if the last ofher "childhood" dreams were slipping away. It hurt to part with them.

At least she still had Riley. Good, old, dependable Riley. He was like her best friend. "Like." He wasn'tsupposed to be "like" her best friend. He was supposed to *be* her best friend. But he was a source ofreliability, and for that reason Buffy was determined to hold on to him for all she was worth. Stability was thelast thing she had to hope for.

"Hey, are you going to Jonathan's party after the ceremony?" Willow asked as she walked into Buffy'sbedroom.

Buffy looked up with a start. She'd been resting on her bed and daydreaming for the past couple of hours."What? Oh, uh, yeah. I think I talked to Riley about it. I think he said yes."

Willow turned to her friend and knelt down by her bedside. "Buffy, what's wrong? You've been so withdrawnlately. I'm beginning to worry about you. What's this about? And when did Riley start dictating where you canand cannot go?"


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Buffy sat up and smiled slightly. "He doesn't. And I'm not withdrawn. I'm just thinking. You know, howeverything's changing." She stood up and walked to her closet, searching through her wardrobe forsomething suitable to wear on her date with Riley later that night.

"But you're the one person who should be most used to changes, Buff. You're so much stronger than any ofthe rest of us. You've been through so much more. I mean, we know everything's changing too. And itscares us. At least you'll still be in a familiar place," Willow tried to comfort her.

"Actually, I won't," Buffy told her, though her voice was muffled by layers of clothes.

"What do you mean?"

Buffy poked her head out. "I mean I'm not going to be around here. I plan on leaving shortly after graduation.I...I just have to get away for a while, Will."

The red head nodded thoughtfully. "I can see your point. I think you're right. Even Slayers deserve avacation now and then..." she trailed off as she saw Buffy shake her head. "What?" she asked with a feelingof impending dread.

"More. Not just a vacation. And I don't mean that I'm giving up my Slayer duties. I guess you can think of it

as going out in search of the world's monsters. I'm going, and I don't expect I'll be coming back for a fewyears."

"But, but Buffy! This is the...the Hellmouth! We need you here. You're like...like the Sunnydale Army -- youknow, if we had an army -- all rolled into one person." Her voice softened as she saw the resolve on herfriend's face. "What's going to happen to this place if you're not here to protect everyone?"

Buffy walked out, her movements alive with frustration. "I don't know, Wills. I don't know," she threw herhands up in confusion. "I suppose the same thing will happen here that happens all over the rest of theworld. Life -- both good and evil -- will continue. Things will go back to the way they were before I ever camehere."

Willow was quiet. "And we both know how Sunnydale would have turned out if you'd never come," shereferred to their brief knowledge of a different Sunnydale in a different dimension.

"Maybe," Buffy conceded. "For all we know there are millions of dimensions for every choice we couldpossibly make. I'm sure in one of them, Sunnydale is a nice, healthy place." She paced around her room.She'd already begun to pack some things into boxes. "Look, all I know is that I can't stay here right now. Ican't stay here and watch everyone walk away." Buffy's voice was husky with unshed tears as she turnedaway from her friend. "I can't go through those feelings again."

Willow's heart ached for her best friend. She'd known that this was coming.

Having all of her friends "abandon" her was bringing back memories of Angel. She almost felt guilty beforeshe realized that Buffy had to know that they weren't leaving her like he did. "It's not like that, Buffy. We're allgoing to stay close. We're best friends. We're your Slayerettes."

Buffy put a smile on for her friend. Better Willow never know the pain that struck so deep in her heart."You're right," she said with false brightness. "Plus, you're only a few hours away. And there's always thecomputer, right? If we desperately need your help, maybe you could do some research over the 'Net andsend it to us."

"Absolutely. With technology these days, it won't even feel like we're gone. You won't even notice. Ipromise."

The Slayer walked to her friend and gave her a quick hug. "Well, I'm gonna be late for dinner with Riley, so Ineed to go hop in the shower. Tell Oz I said hi when you see him later, k?"


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"I didn't say I was going to see..." Willow grinned as she saw Buffy's knowing look. "Okay. I'll tell him yousaid hi."

============

Buffy sat at the table set beautifully with the cafe's finest china, crystal and silver. Two candles glowed ontop of their table and the courtyard area was decorated with hundreds of little white twinkle lights andstanding candelabras, lending a golden aura to the cool, romantic night.

"I feel like I should be wondering what this is about," she whispered to Riley. He'd reserved the entirecourtyard for them only and had it decorated to suit his tastes. It was unlike him, but extremely sweet.

Riley grinned. "It's mere homage to your beauty, Buffy."

She laughed. "Oh, you're bringin' out the big guns now. What'd you do or what do you want?" She noticedhow his green eyes darkened at her words and immediately sobered. "Oh God, what happened?"

"Well, I have to tell you the truth, Buffy. I do want something from you."

Millions of possibilities ran through her mind. If he needed to go to all this trouble to soften her up, it must besomething bad. Riley stood up and she watched him with the same wariness of a deer caught in headlights.

"I don't know how to say this," he started, his back turned towards her.

Buffy's blood ran cold. No, this was not good at all. With dread she watched him turn around slowly.

"But it's something I've been thinking about for a while. And I guess there's no time like the present to comeclean. So...." He walked to where she was sitting and got down on one knee, trying to bite back a laugh asher large eyes opened even wider. He lifted her left hand gently in his own and placed the open black velvetbox in her upturned palm. "Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife, Buffy Anne Summers?"

She was stunned. She hadn't seen it coming, though she didn't know how she'd missed the clues. Her gazedrifted to the gorgeous diamond ring in her palm. It was stunning. His wealthy background was evident in the

exquisite two carat marquis cut golden engagement ring. Tears threatened to overflow as she looked at him.Her Riley. He was a good man. A wonderful man. And he'd love her. This was what she'd wanted, wasn't it?

And yet in that tiny locked part of her heart, her small dreams were pounded to dust by a little

sledgehammer.

"Well?" he asked softly, expectantly.

Buffy nodded. "Yes," she whispered hoarsely. "Yes, I'll marry you."

Riley jumped up and let out a little whoop of joy. Then he noticed she was still sitting down and composedhimself. "Sorry," he mumbled embarrassedly as realized he'd forgotten to put the ring on her finger. Thatsimple act did it. She was his. He gazed into her liquid green eyes, unaware that his own dark green gaze

held in them a soft amazement. "I love you," he told her before leaning forward to kiss her with a sweetpassion.

Though she kissed him back recklessly, deep inside Buffy was glad he'd taken away her need to say thesame to him.

============


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"Married?!?!" Spike and Xander screeched at the same time. When Buffy had returned home she'd foundthem hanging out with Willow and Oz. The rock on her hand had been rather conspicuous, so she'd had totell them exactly what happened.

"What on earth would make you wanna go and do that?" Xander asked.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that I'm twenty-two, a Slayer and I'm not getting any younger. Don't evenknow how much older I'm gonna get, so might as well experience it while I can."

"I think the Boy Wonder means, 'Why him?'"

Buffy glared at Spike. "Because he loves me and this is what I want in my life. Why not him? I know I'mpretty out of it, what with my Slayer duties and all, but really, I don't see any other takers."

Spike flushed. "Doesn't mean we have to like it."

"I don't really care if you like it or not, luv. This is my life," she said, grinning.

Willow stood up and embraced Buffy. "I'm so happy for you," she whispered. With a sniffle, she steppedback. "So," she asked. "When's the big day?"

"Well," Buffy started as she stepped out of her shoes and got comfortable on the couch. "Riley and I bothagree it shouldn't be too long after Commencement. I mean, with the honeymoon and me wanting to getaway, it just seems like the right time. We both don't see a need for a big ceremony. I was actuallyconsidering next Saturday."

"Saturday? Buffy, that's barely more than a week away!" Xander told her.

"I'm aware of that. I told you, we don't want a large to-do. In fact, I'm thinking night time, small group offriends, outdoorsy, justice of the peace type thing."

"Well, I think it's romantic," Willow said, standing by her friend's decision.

"Willow, you'd think it was romantic even if Buff wanted to get married while she was staking half a dozenbaddies," Xander said, exasperated.

"Well, I'm so glad that in my time of happiness, I know which friends will stand by me and which ones won't,"she said pointedly to Spike and Xander.

"Whatever. Listen to me, I love ya, Buffster. But I just think you're making a huge mistake. Why don't youtake a few months and think this over?"

"I don't have a few months, Xander. I appreciate your concern, but I've made up my mind."

Xander shrugged and left the apartment.

"You know, for once I agree with the fool. I don't think you should take this step so quickly, pet."

Buffy shook her head. "I don't care. This is my life. I'm gonna live it the way I want to live it. I'm sorry if itdoesn't make everyone else happy. I'm also sorry I had to come home to the Inquisition. I'm going to bed, ifyou don't mind," she said and walked out of the room.

"You two could have been more accepting," Willow chastised Spike.


12/29

"Look, Red. I'm just as evil as the next guy, but you and I both know this isn't what's best for the Slayer. Andwe also know why she's doing it. But if you want to stand by and condone it, fine with me." He picked up hisduster and put it on. "Just don't come to me when she's crying about the bloody mess she's gotten herselfinto."

Willow sighed and looked down at her boyfriend. "Well, I guess I should at least talk to Buffy. I mean, Spikehas a point. But I do think Buffy loves Riley." She sighed in confusion. "What do you think?"

Oz stood up and wrapped his arms around her. "I think you're the best friend Buffy has right now and thatyou should go talk to her." He kissed her lightly on the tip of her nose. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Willow smiled. "You know it." She watched as the last person left and then made her way to Buffy'sbedroom. "Can I come in?" she called out as she knocked.

"Sure." Buffy was laying face down on her bed, her arms covering her head.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Okayyy. Well then, how was dinner?"

"Fine. Peachy keen. Got engaged. The fettucini was nothing to write home about. You know, the usual."

"Cool. Did you have dessert?"

"Umm hmmm. Great tiramisu."

"I'll have to remember that. Oz likes Italian."

"No."

Willow looked up in surprise. "No what?"

"No, I don't think I'm making a mistake. No, I don't know what I'm doing. No, I don't know how I feel abouthim. No, I don't want to stay here. No."

She nodded and sat on the edge of the bed. "You know, you don't have to rush this."

Buffy turned over, her hazel eyes a dark cinnamon color and red from crying.

"Yes, I do. I do because I've got to get away from here. I do, because this might be my only chance to lead anormal life."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" she asked her friend in concern.

Buffy laughed bitterly. "How can I not be? From the moment I stepped foot in Sunnydale, it's all I've heard. Ineed a normal life. If I share Slaying duties, I can have more of a normal life. If I go to college, I can havemore of a normal life. If I don't love HIM, I can have more of a normal life. A normal life is what I deserve.Isn't it?" Buffy asked contemptuously.

"You deserve what makes you happy."

Buffy flopped back down on the bed. "I deserve a normal life, no more, no less. Riley's normal. I deserveRiley."


13/29

Willow was frightened by the emotionless tone of Buffy's voice. She leaned down and kissed her head."Sleep on it. In the morning, maybe things will seem better." Buffy didn't answer her, so she walked out ofthe room, afraid for her friend's mental and emotional well-being.

==============

"She's doing it," he heard Spike say on the other end of the line. His tone was incredulous, as if even hecouldn't believe what he was telling Angel.

"Doing what?" Angel tried to sound bored or disinterested. Ever since he'd received his "invitation" to be ather commencement he'd tried to get Buffy out of his head. But he was used to Spike calling him up at allhours of the morning, merely to report on one of Buffy's new exploits. He vaguely wondered what it was thistime. Maybe she'd tried to stake Spike? Now that would have been interesting news.

Spike sputtered. "You-you're not even listening to me, you Great Poof! You are the most idiotic being I'veever met, and I have no joy in calling you my Sire!"

"Woah there, Junior. What's going on? I'm getting the feeling I lost a piece of the puzzle." Angel placed hisclient's folder on the desk and made a conscious effort to pay attention to Spike, but his thoughts keptdrifting. She was graduating in two days. He wondered briefly if he should make an appearance, but it was a

useless thought. Nothing good could come of it. Plus, she was leaving. It would make saying good-byeagain that much harder. The thought that he wouldn't know where she was any longer scared him; eventhough he'd disappeared for a while after leaving Sunnydale, he'd always known she would be there. Nowshe wouldn't. Angel woke from his reverie as Spike began screaming into his ear.

"...YOU BLOODY FOOL! SHE'S THE BEST THING TO COME IN TO BOTH OF OUR LIVES. IF I'DKNOWN YOU WERE A BLOODY PANSY ASSED WANKER, I'D HAVE MADE A MOVE ON HER A LONGTIME AGO! YOU NOT ONLY RUINED YOUR CHANCE, YOU RUINED MINE! NOW NEITHER OF US CANHAVE HER! COR! I HATE YOU! WITH A PASSION!"

"Hold on, back it up. I think you lost me again. As far as I knew, you never had a chance with her. And evenif you did, why is it over?"

Silence spoke volumes on the other end of the line.

"Let me spell it out for you, mate. Buffy. Is. Getting. Married."

Spike's words stopped Angel cold. Married? To whom? When? Why? "When? Where? Who? Why?"

Spike sighed audibly. "And you call yourself a detective? Married. Next Saturday. In Sunnydale. To thatsnotty Riley man. And supposedly 'cause it's what she wants to do. Does that answer all of your questions?"

"No," Angel balked stubbornly. She couldn't be getting married. "Why didn't she tell me?"

"Yeah, that's a brilliant question. Can I pick an answer? 'Cause you're her ex. 'Cause you left her. 'Causeshe loved you. 'Cause you haven't even written her back. 'Cause it's none of your business. 'Cause youdon't care. 'Cause -"

"Enough!" Angel roared, drawing stares from both Doyle and Cordelia.

"Oh, but I really could go on."

Angel tried to take a few calming breaths, but they had no effect on him. "If you want her so much, why don'tyou stop it?"


14/29

Spike snickered. "Why? Precisely because I do care about her. I don't think this is the right thing for her, butin a big way it *is* what she wants. As much as I should want to kill her, and many times I do feel that waystill, I want her happy. She deserves it. More than any of the piddling fools she's surrounded by, myselfincluded. And yet she's destined to have the unhappiest time of it out of all of us. Too bad someone couldn'thave saved her from it. It'll most likely turn out for the best, though. The Slayer will become settled. She'll getsloppy, what with no teacher and protector around. She'll probably pass quickly. It'll just be another Slayerout of the picture," he said callously.

"Damn you," Angel muttered.

"Sorry, I think someone beat you to that," Spike said, grinning into the phone. "So, you coming down here ornot?"

Angel thought about it. He had no choice, really. If he couldn't stop her from marrying this Riley person, atleast he could see her one last time. He had to have that.

"We'll see," he said and hung up the phone.

"Well, did it work?" Xander asked anxiously. He hadn't wanted to resort to calling up Dead Boy, but it wasthe only option.

"Oh yeah, he'll come. Just be ready for the fireworks," he said, still smirking.

"You know, you were pretty convincing with that whole 'I'm in love with the Slayer' spiel. Did he really buyit?"

Spike's gaze darkened and he shrugged. "Who's to know. I'd tell any lie to get the wanker down here. Itworked, didn't it?" he asked defiantly.

Xander held up his hands in surrender. "Yeah, yeah. I mean, if I didn't know you better, I would have throughtwice about it myself."

Spike nodded. "Well you do know better. Now why don't you get the hell outta my house so I can get some

sleep? It may be breakfast for you, but it's nappy time for me."

===========

"Willow, I haven't seen you this jumpy in years," Buffy chided.

"Oh, stop it. I can't help it. You realize that in less than an hour, our college career is over?" The small redhead was practically bouncing off the walls of the ladies' room. They had gotten ready at their apartmentbefore picking Xander and Oz up and making their way to the campus auditorium. The seats were alreadyfilling up with family and friends.

"Well, not everyone's. You'll be starting all over again in the fall, Dr. Rosenberg." She smiled as she watchedher friend straighten her gown, fix her hair, and fiddle with her cap one last time.

"True. Still. This is like...like a...a milestone in our young lives. It's a turning point. Where we go from here isjust a -"

"Chill, Will," Buffy said laughingly. She glanced into the mirror as she applied a coat of lip gloss. "Fighting anAscension was a milestone. This is a piece of cake. So relax and enjoy it." She smacked her lips togetherand held out her hand. "Ready to turn the world on its ear?"


15/29

Willow smiled and linked her arm through Buffy's. "Don't know that I'm quite ready to take the nation bystorm. But I think this is a good first step. You know," she said as they walked out of the bathroom andtowards the hall, "for a woman who's getting married in five days, you're pretty calm and collected....."

===============

He stood near the back exit of the auditorium and watched as the girl of his dreams closed the book on yetanother chapter of her life. She was remarkable, really. And unmistakable. Even in the sea of black robes,

Angel spotted Buffy immediately. She was like a beacon to him, with her golden hair and bright smile, not tomention the subtle grace and poise that all Slayers carried themselves with. It did seem, however, that hewas not the only one who noticed how special she was. As the ceremony ended, students and faculty alikeswarmed around Buffy and Willow, exchanging good wishes and desires to "get together soon". Neither didhe miss the tall, sandy haired man who held her so possessively in the crook of his arm. Just as he himselfwould have been doing. If he'd stayed.

"Can't even let her know you're here, can you?" Angel heard the annoyingly familiar British voice say.

"Now what good would that do?" he asked.

"So you're trying to tell me you *didn't* come here to win her back?" Spike queried.

"Not at all. She asked me to be here. I'm here. And I'll be leaving shortly." His temper was dark and he wasnot in the mood to talk to Spike about his feelings.

"But Angelus," Spike started smoothly. "Don't you at least want to stick around to see the bride given away?It's only five days. Saturday night. It won't be a big thing. Just an...intimate gathering."

"I don't want to intrude on Buffy's time," he ground out.

"Mmmm. Of course you don't. You can't bear the thought that she might turn you down flat if she saw youagain, can you? Or do you fear that she would hold on to you and never let you go? I don't know. Don't care.Either way you're just a scared bastard."

"I'm not -" Angel started.

"No. You listen to me," Spike hissed. "I used to look up to you. You were my Sire. You embodied everythingI wanted to be. And then you had to go and find yourself with a soul again. I was crushed. I had to see mySire as a sniveling little babe. And I never thought I'd be as disgusted with anyone as I was with you then.But I was wrong." He looked away from Angel and towards the Slayer. "You've far surpassed any amount ofdisgust I could have had with you then. I might not have a bloody soul, but I can't help but feel a tendernessfor the Slayer. I'd do anything in my power to see that feisty spirit of hers again. And I have, haven't I?You're here. She's here. And yet you're too much of a fool to do anything about it. Tell me something,besides yourself, how many people in your unholy life have you *ever* loved?" Spike looked him over with ascathing glance. "Think about that when you walk away this time." With that, Spike disappeared into thecrowd of well-wishers.

Angel's gaze wandered over the rowdy mess of people in one last search for Buffy. He turned and slipped

quietly out through the exit. Spike was right in assuming he wouldn't leave yet. He had one last chance tosee her, and he wasn't going to pass it up.

===============

He hadn't come. He hadn't shown up. She'd seen Cordelia, but there had been no Angel. Of course, the factshouldn't surprise her. Had she really thought he'd make the effort? After they way she'd ignored him for solong?


16/29

Buffy sat on Jonathon's sofa, watching the partygoers mill around and dance and drink. Had she really spentthe last four years with these people? It didn't matter. She would be leaving them far behind soon.

Yes, she'd thought he'd at least come to the ceremony. Maybe wave, say hello, and disappear all overagain. But that wasn't bitterness creeping up on her, was it? He could have at least said good-bye. Perhapsthat was what was getting to her. The fact that soon she'd be gone, and there would be no Angel to save herif she needed help. He would no longer know where to run when she was in distress. She felt...alone.

Which was silly because Riley was sitting right next to her. Very close to her. Practically on top of her.

Buffy stood up suddenly. When she looked down at her fiance -- a word she was still getting used to -- shesaw the confused look on his face. "I...I just need to get something to drink," she offered lamely. "Wantanything?"

Riley smiled. "Just a beer, if you don't mind, dear."

Buffy nodded and trudged towards the crowded kitchen. Seeing so many people made her feelclaustrophobic, so she turned around and headed outside through the open sliding door. The night air waswarm and breezy and it soothed the restlessness in Buffy's soul. She walked over to a small tree andclimbed into it's limbs, listening to the muffled sound of rock music blaring from the house. When had her life

gotten so...trite? Was this the way it would be if she stayed in Sunnydale? Weekend barbecues with theneighbors and grabbing beers for her *husband*? But that wouldn't be her life. No, she was leaving in a fewshort days and all she had to do was pick a place.

The shadows seemed to move and dance around her, and for once Buffy didn't care if the nasties of thenight inhabited them. *He* was out there. Somewhere. If she deigned to admit it to herself, *he* was the firethat had been extinguished in her life. She hadn't died. Life went on living. The world kept spinning. And shefound a new meaning to her life, a tenuous thread that let her hang on to the things she used to know. Riley.

She laughed and sniffled at her morose thoughts. She was getting married soon and there was so much sheneeded to do. There just wasn't time to look backwards.

Especially since he hadn't even cared to say good-bye.

================

She was in her mother's house. He stood outside of her window as he'd done so many times before. Butyears had passed since then. He watched as she walked into her old room, so familiar to her and yet sostrange.

Her golden hair was still damp from the shower and she was dressed in a simple, white, satiny night gown.The straps slid over the smooth skin of her shoulders, but she disregarded them, content to let her gazewander over the room as memories flooded her mind. Times she'd thought she'd almost forgotten flew backto her in a rush, as if the past years had never happened. Buffy reached down to pick up Mr. Gordo from herbed. She held him and remembered the time he'd been cradled in his strong hands.... With a sigh she sethim softly on her nightstand. Her fingertips trailed over her bedspread. Bits of conversation fluttered in andout of her memory.

*Um, why don't you take the bed? Y'know, you're wounded....*

*I'll take the floor.*

*Y'know, I'm the Chosen One, it's my job to fight guys like that. What's your excuse?*

*Uh, somebody has to.*


17/29

*Y-you even look pretty when you go to sleep.*

*Well, when I wake up it's an entirely different story.*

*Angel?*

*Hmm?*

*Do you snore?*

*I don't know. It's been a long time since anybody's been in a position to let me know.*

Buffy shook herself mentally and walked over to her vanity. She pulled out the dainty chair and sat down,staring at herself in the mirror.

"Who are you?" she asked the reflection.

There was no answer. And of course there wouldn't have been. If there was, she might have something towigg about. Why was she here, melancholy as memories of a time long gone passed through her, when her

wedding day was tomorrow? She should be happy and excited and filled with dreams of the wondrous timesahead. Instead she was on the verge of crying for dreams long dead.

*This isn't a fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live Happily Ever After.*

*No. When you kiss me, I want to die.*

Angel stood in the shadows and watched her talk to herself in the mirror. How many times had he seen herdo that exact same thing? He could almost see her memories; he knew them all by heart.

She was getting married tomorrow. His heart had to admit, albeit achingly, that she would be the mostbeautiful bride. This Riley Finn man was the luckiest man in the world, in Angel's opinion. He watched asshe smiled brightly into the silver glass. If he hadn't been so lost in his own misery, perhaps he would havenoticed the pained look in her smile or the brittle, glassy look in her large green eyes. But as it stood, Angelonly saw her for the happy bride-to-be everyone thought she was.

"Mrs. Riley Finn," she said to herself. "Buffy Finn." Her smile cracked as she said the name. What kind ofname was Buffy Finn? She supposed it was better than having *no* last name though. "Mrs. Angel.....?" shelaughed harshly. She didn't even know his last name. She took a deep breath. "Mrs. Buffy Summers-Finn.Well, that sounds a bit better. Like some sort of horrible tropical fish, but better than Buffy Finn." She openedthe vanity drawer and lifted out a box in order to reach her brush. Just as she was about to replace it, shehesitated. She picked the box up and moved to her bed, switching on her stereo as she did. Her laugh wassomewhat bitter when she heard the tune on the radio.

I will remember youWill you remember me?Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memories

With trembling fingers she reached out and touched the clasp. Carefully, as if afraid of breaking it, sheopened the box. Inside were two smaller boxes. She lifted the first one and smiled slightly. She traced thesilver cross with her fingertip.

*Who are you?*

*Let's just say...I'm a friend.*


18/29

*Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.*

*I didn't say I was yours.*

Angel watched her examine something inside of a small box. He couldn't tell what it was from his vantagepoint, but he could hear her music. He knew this song. How many times had Cordelia played it in the office?It had been burned into his head because of her overplaying it, but he knew the real reason he'd neverchastised her for it. It reminded him so much of Buffy.

Remember the good times that we had?I let them slip away from us when things got badHow clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sunWanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the oneI will remember youWill you remember me?Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memories

Her fingers played with the chain. Even then he'd been concerned for her safety. Concerned. Not manypeople were concerned about her. They all felt she could take care of herself. And of course, she could. Butit still felt nice to be cared for like that once in a while.

*I watched you, and I saw you called. It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked downthe steps...and...and I loved you.*

*Why?*

*'Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see.

And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe...towarm it with my own.*

Her gaze dropped to the smaller box, and she froze. She didn't really want to touch it, did she? Her thumbtoyed with the engagement ring on her left ring finger, twisting it and moving it around.

*I have something for you. For your birthday. I...I was gonna give it to you earlier, but....*

*It's beautiful.*

*My people -- before I was changed -- they exchanged this as a sign of devotion. It's a claddagh ring. Thehands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty...and the heart.... Well, you know.... Wear it with theheart pointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody.*

Angel watched as she slipped her engagement ring off and replaced it with another ring. He didn't want tobelieve what he saw. But he knew. He knew it was the ring he'd given her.

I'm so tired but I can't sleepStandin' on the edge of something much too deepIt's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a wordWe are screaming inside, but we can't be heardBut I will remember youWill you remember me?Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memories

Fat, hot tears ran down her cheeks. She didn't want to cry. Didn't want to remember everything she'd put sofar behind her. This wasn't the past. It was her life, and tomorrow she was marrying Riley. He'd been so


19/29

good to her over the past four years. When she'd met him, her heart was still broken and aching over Angel.But with her friends' help and Riley's nurturing attitude and acceptance of the person she was, Buffy hadeventually moved on. She wouldn't deny the fact that it hurt every now and then. But she had to get on withher life. Otherwise she'd die.

She loved Riley. She really did. He was sweet and caring and strong. He understood what she did and whyshe did it. No, he wasn't Angel. He didn't have Angel's strong embrace or annoyingly stealthy habits. He

wasn't broody and he didn't practice Tai Chi with her. He wasn't a vampire and he didn't have any kind ofsensors that let him know when she was in danger or how she felt exactly. But that was to be expected. Hehad the important qualities.

He loved her, he was human, he was present, and he wanted to marry her. How could she turn down all ofthat. Riley was her last chance at a "normal" life. Riley was safe. Riley wouldn't leave her.

*I'll never have a normal life.*

*Right, you'll always be a Slayer. But that's all the more reason why you should have a real relationshipinstead of this, this freak show.*

*I'm gonna go.*

*I'm sorry. Buffy, you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this.*

*Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this?*

*Have you, rationally?*

*No. No, of course not. I'm just some swoony little schoolgirl, right?*

*I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart.*

*Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating!*

*Don't.*

*Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm nevergonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you.*

*I don't.*

*How am I supposed to stay away from you?*

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loseClinging to a past that doesn't let me chooseOnce there was a darkness, deep and endless nightYou gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember youWill you remember me?Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memories

And I will remember youWill you remember me?

Buffy slipped the ring off. It was better not to think of what might have been. With a soft sigh she closed thebox and slipped it under her bed, half hoping she'd forget she ever had it. She leaned over and turned her


20/29

lamp off. Tomorrow was her wedding day. Buffy slipped under the covers, letting her comforter and pillowsmuffle the sound of her wretched sobs.

Angel watched silently from outside her window. He didn't know if he wanted her to remain oblivious to himor not. This had been harder than he expected. He hadn't even intentionally spied on her. He'd wanted totalk to her. To wish her well and to congratulate her. With a heavy heart he noted the way her tiny bodymoved under the nest of covers. If he tried hard enough, he could hear her cries.

Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memoriesWeep not for the memories

============

"Buffy!" Willow cried. "I can't believe you're getting married tonight!"

Buffy smiled wanly. "Neither can I," she murmured.

Willow noted her friend's unhappy countenance with concern. "What's wrong? You don't look so good.Brides are supposed to glow. I'm not seeing the light here."

"Rough night," she said, rubbing at the dark circles beneath her eyes.

"Are you sure that's all it is?" Willow questioned quietly. They were sitting at Mrs. Summer's breakfast tableand planning their day over coffee.

Willow was going to pick up their dresses and bring over lunch. Cordelia was coming over then and wasgoing to help with hair and make-up. They were determined to make Buffy's day as relaxed as possible.

"Positive," Buffy assured her, trying to make her smile brighter. She'd barely slept a wink, her dreams havingbeen inhabited by a vampire who wasn't of the soulless persuasion.

Willow nodded. "So, have you two decided where you're going on your honeymoon?"

She nodded and handed her friend the plane tickets.

"Oooohhh! Greece? Romantic." Willow rifled through the papers and looked up. "Ummm...Buff? Are...areyou aware that these are one way flights?"

Buffy nodded without looking up. "Yep."

"But when are you coming home?"

"I don't know, Will. I told you, I have to get away. For a long time. And now that...." she stopped.

Willow watched Buffy carefully. There was a sadness in her eyes that hadn't been there earlier. "Now thatwhat?"

Buffy bit her lip and mulled over the question. "Nothing, really. Just...now that I'm...getting married, well, it'llbe easy to get away for a while."

"Oh. Yes, I suppose that's true. But I don't think you should stay away too long. I know you need to getaway, but please, Buffy. I want to see you again before I leave."

"Don't worry, Will," Buffy smiled. "I'll always be around somewhere. You'll see me again. Promise."


21/29

================

"It's gallingly common," Cordelia said, looking at Buffy in the mirror. "But I have to admit, you're goodsimple."

"I think she means you look beautiful," Willow said, standing behind Buffy's other shoulder. "Which you do.I'm finally seeing that radiance."

Buffy sighed as she looked into the reflective glass. Her dress was a floor length, white, strapless sheath.The thin fabric clung to her body subtly, outlining all of her best features. It was alluring, yet innocent. Theshining waves of her hair cascaded over her shoulders, glinting with golden highlights in the artificial light ofthe Finn's guest bedroom. One of the many. They were using his parent's palatial estate for the wedding.The grounds behind the house were decorated very similarly to the way Riley had set up the small cafe. Itwas a very...romantic setting.

"So, this is it. You're signing your life away," Cordelia was saying.

"At least you haven't lost your graceful sense of tact, Cordelia. It was something we all loved in you," Willowsaid.

"I can't help it if I think she's making a horrible mistake," she hesitated and looked into Buffy's gaze, reflectedin the mirror. "Which I fully back you on," she tried to cover.

"No," Buffy said softly. "It's okay. You think this is wrong." She'd been withdrawn all day, which only servedto further Cordy's misgivings about the wedding. Add that to the fact that Cordelia knew Angel was in town,and that she knew just how much Angel was still in love with Buffy, and it did not equal out to a balancedformula.

Buffy smiled at her friends in the mirror. They were her bride's maids, dressed in matching black replicas ofBuffy's dress. She didn't know why she'd picked black, but it felt appropriate. It was also odd to have allthree dresses match, but Buffy rather hoped deep down that it would make her a little less conspicuous.

A knock sounded on the door and Cordelia went to open it. Willow kissed Buffy on the cheek. "It's all goingto work out fine," she tried to reassure her. "And look....I think that's the blushing groom right now."

Buffy turned. "What? No! You're not supposed to see me until the wedding!"

Riley laughed and walked into the boudoir. "Not to worry. I don't believe in superstitions. Besides, I wantedto see my perfect little bride one more time before she's mine forever."

Buffy smiled slightly and nodded to the two girls. Willow caught on and dragged Cordelia out by her arm."Okay," she called back. "We'll just be mingling in the gardens if you need us. I'll send Spike back to walkyou down the aisle." Buffy had wanted Giles to "give her away", but he'd refused on the grounds that "itwasn't the right thing to do". He hadn't elaborated, and it had broken her heart to hear him so adamantlyagainst it.

"...to Greece in the morning. I was thinking we could spend a week there, then move on to France. Then

England. And you know, I've always wanted to visit Prague."

Buffy couldn't help it as a small snicker escaped her at the mention of Prague. Perhaps they'd run intoDrusilla.

"...sound okay to you, love?" he asked.

Buffy looked up into her fiance's eyes. Her gaze skimmed over his features, so familiar, yet so vague. Hertongue ran over her lips as she continued to stare at him, almost unseeingly.


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Riley reached out and rests his hands on her shoulders. "Are you okay, darling?" he asked. He could seethe fine sheen of perspiration beginning on her forehead.

A light dawned in her hazel eyes; surprise, understanding and acceptance forming a glow of revelation onher face. "Cold feet," she murmured as she nodded.

Riley looked at her in confusion before he laughed and drew her to him, wrapping her in a tight hug. "Don'tworry about it, Buff. Lots of women get cold feet before their weddings. It's a natural occurrence."

Buffy shook her head and wrested herself from his grasp. A soft smile of wonderment caused her whole faceto light up. "No," she whispered, more to herself than to him.

Riley watched on in concern. "Buffy, what is it? Tell me what's wrong?"

Buffy took his hands in hers and looked up at him again. "I can't marry you," she told him bluntly.

His eyes widened in shock. "What? You're talking crazy. You can marry me. In fact, we're supposed to begetting married right *now*. You can't let a small case of jitters sway you...."

But she wasn't listening to him. "No," she began softly. "NO," she said, fighting to gain her old spirit back."When I say I can't marry you, Riley, I mean I won't marry you. I'm not marrying you. And I'm so sorry. Inever thought it would end up this way..." she bowed her head as she rambled on and on.

"Why?" he asked hoarsely.

"Cold feet," Buffy said simply. "Cold. Feet. You...you don't have cold feet." A small, nervous giggle burstfrom her lips. "And I miss that. Oh God, how I miss that. I miss waking up in the middle of the night becausecold feet are touching me. I miss feeling cold arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace. I miss the waycold kisses rain down on me, like a winter's shower...." Her voice lowered. "I miss the way cold hands feelagainst my hot skin and the way the cold seemed to burn me from the inside." Buffy shook her head. "I'm sosorry," she whispered huskily, tears scratching her throat.

"Sorry?" Riley echoed in disbelief. "Sorry?! You couldn't have told me all of this BEFORE the night of our

wedding?"

Buffy looked around the room, as if in search of an escape. She didn't know what to say. She hadn't knownshe'd missed all of those things. But she did know she couldn't live the rest of her life without them.

A bitter laugh escaped him as she remained silent. "Fine. But you know what? I'm not going to be the one tocall this wedding off. I'm going out there, and I'm going to wait for my bride. Because I know this is just acase of last minute nerves. And if you're so serious about not marrying me, well, you can just go out thereand tell all of our guests your little twisted secrets." Riley turned away from her and walked out of the room,slamming the door shut behind him.

Buffy turned back to the mirror and watched as the tears rolled down her cheeks. What was she going to donow? Just walk away? All of her friends, her family, were out there. Could she just abandon them? Andreally, what other choice did she have?

As she stood there, she saw the door open and close silently. "Spike, I'm not ready. Can you just give me aminute, please?" she pleaded waveringly, swiping uselessly at the flow of tears. He didn't respond, and thedoor remained closed. "Look Spike," she said as she turned around, the words dying on her lips.

"I was right," Angel said quietly.

Buffy's brow furrowed in confusion, yet she didn't have the vocabulary to pose her questions at the moment.


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Angel could read every thought on her tear streaked face. "You make a beautiful bride," he explained as hestrolled forward. "Except for these," he said, his thumbs softly wiping her tears away.

"Angel," she finally choked out. His lips turned up in a half-smile and her heart did the little flip-flop it alwaysdid when he looked that sexy.

"I'm here," he said.

"Yeah," Buffy's voice was hushed as she looked up at him. "You are."

Angel raised his head, glancing around the room. "Pretty swanky place you've got here."

"It's his parents'," she said numbly.

"I'm sorry for this," he said.

Her face scrunched up again, as if processing thoughts were too much for her brain at the moment. "Sorryfor what?" she asked, but the words were barely out of her mouth before she slumped unconscious into hisarms.

Angel stuck the rag saturated with chloroform into his pocket. "For that," he whispered as he lifted her smallframe easily in his arms. Moments later, they were off the Finn grounds and riding swiftly through the night.

Spike knocked on the door. "Slayer? You in there? I know women need time, but this is getting ridiculous."After pounding on the door one more time he shouldered his way in, splintering the wood. He jumped backin horror, afraid he'd impale himself with his own stupidity. He couldn't very well walk the Slayer down theaisle as a pile of dust, now could he?

Yet one look into the room and he knew she was nowhere around. Stepping lightly over the door, Spikelooked over the room, a small piece of paper catching his attention. Surprisingly enough, it was addressed tohim, in a bold, curling script that he was much used to.

Spike closed the short note, his shoulders shaking with laughter. "I'll be damned," he muttered. "He did it.

The bloody wanker actually did it." Spike tucked the note into his tuxedo jacket and walked out of the room,whistling. He could barely keep the grin off of his face. He was gonna love watching their reactions to this bitof news.

===========

Angel sat on the edge of his bed, gazing down at the small girl sleeping between his sheets. Well, shewasn't really a girl anymore. Except when compared to him. Two hundred and forty-eight years old...and stillkicking.

He watched the way her chest rose and fell evenly, the way the her lashes fanned out over her cheeks, theway the soft tendrils around her face moved with her breath. With a slightly shaking hand, Angel reached outand traced the pure line of her bare collarbone. She was so delicate. He hoped he hadn't hurt her.

At his touch, her eyes fluttered open slowly. She was confused and disoriented. The first thing Buffy noticedwas that she was not at home. Nor was she at Riley's home. The second thing she noticed was that shewas wrapped in soft white sheets and was snuggled deeply into bed. The third thing she became aware ofwas the throbbing pain in her head, and then finally, of Angel.

Buffy tried to speak, but her mouth was so dry. She ran her tongue over her lips in an attempt to moistenthem. "Where am I?" she asked him groggily. "And why am I here? I'm...I'm supposed to be with Riley...."she trailed off as pieced of their conversation came back to her. She'd broken it off with him. Aninstantaneous feeling of relief flooded through her.


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"You're at my place. In Los Angeles," Angel told her, standing up. He turned his back to her and walkedaround the end of the bed, settling on a small sofa against the wall. Buffy had to turn over in bed just towatch his progress.

"And I'm here because?" Her hazel eyed conveyed her puzzlement even though she was secretly happy tosee him. "This is all a bit strange, you've got to admit, Angel."

"You're here because...because I couldn't let you marry him. I thought I could. I just...I couldn't sit back andwatch you make that mistake."

If possible, Buffy's eyes opened even wider. "I'm *here* because.... You couldn't *let* me...." she broke off,unable to contain a bitter laugh. "Really?" her gaze challenged him. "And why is that, Angel?"

Angel looked taken aback. "Buffy, I...."

She watched him expectantly, wanting an answer, yet not wanting to hear what he had to say. What if hehad only kidnapped her because he knew she wasn't happy? Or what if he'd taken her because he'd finallyrealized, as she had only just, that he was the only man for her?

Angel couldn't handle her accusing stare. "Spike," he said, grasping for a reason to justify his actions.

"Spike?" Buffy repeated incredulously.

"Yes," Angel nodded, trying to convince himself also. "Spike made it seem that marrying Riley would be theworst thing for you. So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I mean," he looked at her, veiled hope shining in hiseyes, "I doubt that if I were to have tried to sit you down and talk to you rationally that you would havelistened. You were getting married," he said softly. "It's not like you would have stopped it just because Iasked," he told her, his voice slowing down with hesitancy. "Right?"

Buffy almost laughed out loud. He didn't know she actually had called her wedding off because of him. Yetshe saw the look in his eyes and heard the thread of wanting in his voice. She knew her own gaze held ahesitant answer. That is, to the real question -- not exactly what they were discussing. He wanted to know ifshe'd accept him back, and Buffy was willing to offer a temporary trust in order to forge that first, tenuouslink. "No, I suppose not many brides would do that," she conceded quietly.

Angel stood up and took a few faltering steps towards the bed. Towards Buffy. "Look, I...." There was somuch to be said. It was amazing that she still had the power to make him speechless. But no. If this wasgoing to work at all, he had to make her see. He had to let her know that he wouldn't settle for less than allof her. He had to make her realize that he was the only one for her, and vice versa. And that meant he hadto take control of the situation, pronto.

"No," he said stubbornly. "I'm not sorry I did it. The way I see it, I did you a favor."

Buffy arched a brow and opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off before she could get started.

"No," he said again. "You just listen. I think you said everything you had to say in that letter of yours." Nowthat he'd gotten started, he was really getting riled up. He pulled the chair away from his desk and set it next

to the bed.

She watched with fascination as his long legs straddled the back, pulling his pants tight over his large,muscular thighs. "Angel, I -"

"It's *my* turn to talk." Angel rested his arms on the back of the chair and stared at her. It was hard lookingat her, lying in his bed, her hair tumbling over her shoulder as she leaned up on one arm. The top of herdress was hidden beneath the sheets, giving the appearance that she was nude beneath the covers. But he*had* to stop his imagination from running away with him. "What exactly were you thinking, planning to leaveSunnydale? Don't you know how much that place needs you? Your its only hope. And what about your


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mother? And Giles? What will they do if you leave? You don't even have a specific plan, you're just going tohop on a plane and head off into the sunset. What if someone needs your help? What if *you* needsomeone's help?" Ahhh, the heart of the matter. How could she just leave him?

Buffy could see exactly where this was heading. "What was I thinking?" she repeated harshly. "I wasthinking that I couldn't sit by and watch everyone I love walk away. I was thinking that losing the people thatmean the most to me would only bring back memories." Her eyes flashed. "And of course I know my destiny

is on the Hellmouth. It's not something I can escape forever, you know. I'll never be free of it. But weren'tyou one of the primary people wanting me to have a more *normal* life? It wasn't like I wasn't going to call orwrite. I care about these people enough not to just *disappear*," she said, a bit bitterly. "Unlike somepeople," she mumbled under her breath, though Angel's extraordinary hearing picked it up. "I was gettingmarried," she continued stubbornly. "I thought I'd have all the help I needed in a husband."

"What could he have done for you? You know as well as I do that if you ever ran in to trouble, Riley Finncouldn't save you if his life depended on it. Which it would, because if anything ever happened to you whileyou were in his care, I'd kill him myself."

"How very Angelus of you," she remarked snidely.

Angel didn't flinch. "No," he said calmly. "That's me. Me, Buffy. I'd gladly kill anyone who let harm come toyou."

Buffy swallowed tightly and averted her gaze. She knew, had always known, the truth in that.

Angel watched her closely. "Yeah," he told her smoothly. "I'm not the 'angel' you think I am. Not when itcomes to you." A delicious gleam entered his gaze as his dark eyes roamed over her body, marking her ashis own. "You know, I think you've forgotten who I am. I know I almost did. When I came back from Hell, Iwas so weak. So...guilty. I lost myself in you, would have done anything to gain your love and trust again. Iwas too blind to see that you loved me regardless. I so willingly became your slave, wouldn't you say?"

Angel smiled slightly at the thought. "But we both know that's not who I am. Things were different when Ireturned. Not just between you and me, but between everyone. Innocence was lost. The way things were...itmade it that much easier to let you go. Don't get me wrong, leaving you almost killed me. But I truly thoughtit was for the best. Who I was...what I had become...was of no use to you, Buffy. You can't really deny that. Iwas your lap dog. And though I love you, that's not who I was meant to be. You and I are equals, Buffy, andit's time we realized that. You fight, I fight...but we should be fighting together. I was sent to you to help you.To protect you. What did I do? I caused you more trouble than I was worth, hindered you, and ultimatelyrelied on you. And I think you enjoyed it, on some level. With all of your ups and downs, your mixed signals,I couldn't even be a man around you." Angel watched as Buffy's eyes grew larger and larger; she wasstunned. He shrugged. "But not anymore. I can't do that. We both needed time to grow, Buffy. Which mayseem impossible for a guy who's over two hundred years old. But it was the first time I'd ever loved also.You weren't alone in that." His voice softened, "You were never alone."

Buffy shook her head "no", too shocked to say anything.

"Yes," he said. "I know I made some mistakes, but I can't deny that you're the only one in my heart. I'vetried." Angel sat back and looked at her for a moment. "You were going to marry him," he said with no smallamount of disbelief. "I couldn't let you do that. I couldn't lose you."

She tried to blink back her tears. "You're the one who left *me*, Angel. I told you, even then, that you werethe only one I wanted in my life. *You* left *me* alone. You turned your back on us, and walked away.What's changed? What is so different now from four years ago? From three years ago? We've all known fora while now that you have a firm grasp on your soul. Why pick now to come forward and proclaim your 'love'for me?" Buffy wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms, but it was too good to be true.

"You're right," he admitted. "I was stubborn. Foolish. I thought I wanted you to move on, to marry some otherguy who could make you 'happy'. I thought that if I could just...stay away...that you could live a healthy,normal life." Angel stood up and began pacing. "Which you would have, had I not interrupted your wedding.Despite what you say, you *did* move on, Buffy. I haven't been the only one in your life. So maybe I'm blind.Maybe you are happier with him. But I had to at least try. I couldn't let you go without one last attempt to..."


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he chuckled. "I don't even really know what I'm trying to do. All I know is that I couldn't let you marry him."He turned his back to her, waiting for her to say something...anything...but she didn't. "If you want to leave,to go back," he said quietly, "the car's outside. But I won't bring you back there."

Again silence filled the room.

"No," she said finally.

Angel clenched his fists tightly. "No what?"

"No. I'm going back. And you *will* bring me. 'Cause I didn't do this and those people need an explanation."

Angel nodded. "Fine," he said tightly. "It's almost daylight, however, so you might as well sleep. We won't begoing anywhere for a few hours." Without looking at her, he moved to the door.

"Angel," Buffy called out softly.

"What?" he asked, his voice full of restraint.

She couldn't keep the smile from her face as she watched the muscles in his back tense. "I ummm...I didn'tsay I was leaving any time soon." Buffy almost laughed as his entire body seemed to tighten reflexively ather gently uttered words.

When he turned around, he saw her as he'd pictured her so many times. She was lounging on his bed,looking tussled and sleepy, a smile on her pink lips and a come hither look in her fathomless hazel eyes.She was offering herself and it was not in him to deny her. In three great strides, Angel was next to the bed,yet as he neared her he hesitated. He didn't want to hurt her. Angel sat down on the edge of the bed andtrailed a finger over her cheek, a small smile of amazement tilting his lips up at the corner. His fingertip ranover the pouty curve of her lips, lips he hadn't kissed in forever. Though Angel could see the acceptance inher eyes, he had to hear it.

"Buffy, maybe we shouldn -"

"Angel," Buffy grinned. "Are you going to insist on bringing up the same questions every time we makelove?"

His brows rose as her words echoed in his head. Was she was implying that there would be more times thatthey would...? Before he could ask her, Buffy pulled him down to her. Their kiss was gentle at first. Coldbrushed against warm lightly, creating a delicious friction that sent tingles down Buffy's spine. It felt likecoming home. She pulled him down more, yearning to feel his hard body pressing into hers. She'd almostforgotten what it felt like to be held in his strong arms.

But Angel wouldn't let her forget. He slowly disentangled her from the sheets, revealing her soft, warmcurves encased in the white wedding dress. Gazing down at Buffy, Angel could almost imagine it was *their*wedding night. She looked so perfect...and so perfectly tempting. He cradled her cheek in his palm while hisother hand rested on her shoulder.

Buffy sighed as she gazed into his dark eyes. She turned her head and nuzzled his palm, her lips placinglight kisses on the sensitive skin. It was so good to feel his coldness against her again. Buffy wonderedbriefly if she was a sick person for craving it, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was his body next to hers.With tentative hands, Buffy lifted his shirt, not bothering to unbutton it, and drew it off of him, over his head.She sucked in a breath at the sight of his expansive chest. He was so big, and she knew that he wouldalways protect her. As she placed her palm over his undead heart, Buffy knew that if ever need be, thiswould be her shield.

It was a heady thought, knowing that he would give his life to protect hers. But then again, she would do thesame for him. The words were lodged in her throat as she stared up at him, yet she was unable to say them.


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Angel smiled down at her, taking away any doubts that resided in her mind. As he leaned down to catch hermouth in another tender kiss, he wrapped his arms around her waist and turned over, lying on his back withher body draped over him. His hands roamed over her back, the swell of her hips, and the curve of her ass,and rested on the back of her thighs. As he drew her legs to either side of him, Angel sighed. Buffy nestledagainst him, settling atop him as her mouth continued working its magic on him. With a quick ease, Angelhad her dress unzipped and his hands were dipping into the sweet indentation of her waist, reveling in thewarmth of her silken skin.

Buffy smiled as she wiggled against him, working her dress down ever so slightly. With a frenzied hungerthat had crept up on her with no warning, Buffy craved the feeling of his body against hers. She braced herhands above his shoulders and leaned up to let him remove the pristine white silk of her wedding dress. Asit slid over her body, Buffy felt the last vestiges of any ties to Riley and her life beyond Angel slip away, onlyto be replaced with a strong sense of homecoming as his arms once again wrapped around her.

Her fingertips danced over his features and she stared down at him in wonderment.

"Is this really happening?" she whispered softly as a smile graced her lips.

It was a smile he hadn't seen in years and the sight warmed his cold, undead heart. She was with him andfinally his world seemed right once more. "If this is just another dream, I don't ever want to wake up," shetold him as her forehead dipped down to rest against his.

Angel's answer came from the look of love overflowing in his dark eyes and from the gentle brush of his lipsagainst hers. It was barely a kiss, Buffy knew. And yet, in that gentle sigh, in that meeting of gazes -- so vividand determined, in that lilting caress, their souls were woven together irrevocably.

She shifted on top of him, the scant movement of her pelvis rising over him to encompass his hard length.He slid into her easily, relishing her tight, scorching confines. The heat she gave off was like liquid sunshine,and Angel was sure he would die -- if not from the blazing inferno, then from the pure unadulteratedpleasure of it all. This was his Buffy -- the soft, sweet, passionate woman that he was destined to love for alleternity.

Buffy set a careful pace, her body rocking against his with a tantalizing slowness. She could see the desireburning in her lover's eyes, but she knew he'd hold back. This was important to both of them. It was the first

brick in the foundation of their new relationship. Besides, Angel was always careful with her. Buffy wasunaware of her serene expression. Angel thought she looked like an angel. He was awash in the glow of herlove, and he wondered how he'd ever survived without it. Her small hands rubbed over his taut pectoralmuscles and she laughed as they jumped. Could she possibly know that his entire body was sensitive to hertouch, to her mere presence? Her fingers ran over his arms, and Buffy smiled again as she languidly toyedwith the fine, soft black hair that graced his arms. When her hands met his, they entwined their fingerstogether, forging yet another bond between them. Their gazes held each other captivated as Buffy continuedto make love to him. Every sensation they felt was communicated to the other, and they took joy in eachother's pleasure.

Buffy bit her lower lip and her eyes narrowed as she increased her tempo. As she arched her backbackwards, her supple bronzed skin and golden locks shimmered in the dim light of the room. The strongmuscles of her thighs gripped his hips as she thrust down on him. Angel rose up to meet her everymovement. She gasped as he jerked his body upwards, causing a rush of sensations to flood her body, and

Angel smiled, never breaking his contact with her. He felt her begin to tighten around him, the heady sense

of her surrounding him making him feel as if he were about to explode. It was as if there was no part of hisbody that she was not touching. The waves washing over him made him wonder if vampires really could fly;at that moment he knew it was possible.

Buffy felt like she was in heaven. The icy touch of her angel seemed to penetrate every cell of her body;there was no part of her that Angel did not occupy. As her climax washed over her, her entire body tensed.

A few hot tears rolled down her cheeks. It had been so long since anyone had made her feel this loved, thisbeautiful, this safe. The emotions thrumming through her body were screaming out for her attention andwould not be held back as they had been so often in the past few years. This was Angel. This was themadness he inspired in her, and Buffy reveled in it. She was never so free as when she was with Angel. A


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little part of her knew that it would never

a love less ordinary

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