a brief overview for pastors - biblical counseling coalition€¦ · a brief overview for pastors...

ABriefOverviewforPastors(andOthers)toOurPremaritalCurriculumI’mgladyouareinterestedinourpremaritalmaterial.Includedbelowisarunningcommentarythatismeanttobeabriefguidetoourpremaritalcurriculum.Asyoucanseeifyouflipthroughthematerial,therearethreekeyparts:(1)amaritalinventory;(2)ourfourpremaritallessons;(3)amaritalbooktoreadalongsidethepremaritalcurriculum.(NumberthreeyouwillneedtopurchasefromawholesaledistributorlikeAmazon.)Onourmaritalinventory:Therearethreereasonstousetheinventory.Reason1:Theinventoryhelpsyoutogettoknowthecouplebetter.Thisisespeciallyusefulifyoudon’tfeellikeyouknowthecoupleallthatwell.SoI’lldeliberatelyreadbothoftheirinventoriesbeforethefirstsession(whichmeansyouhavetoaskthemtosubmitthecompletedinventoriesafewdaysinadvanceofthefirstsession).Reason2:Soyoucanhelpthecoupletogettoknowoneanotherbetter.So,Iaskthemtofillouttheinventoryseparatelyandthentalkthroughtheentireinventorywithoneanother.Thegoalisforthemtohavefinishedtheir‘talkthrough’byendofthelastpremaritalsession.Reason3:Sothatyoucanaskthecouplequestions(andofferchallengesorrebukesorencouragement)inareasofstrength,areasofconfusion,orareaswheretheydifferwithoneanother,orareasyouthinktheyarenotyetpreparedformarriage.Forexample,supposethecouplehasaverydifferentvantagepointongenderroles.You’dwanttoaskthemabouttheiranswers,andworkthroughthistopicwiththem.Orsupposeoneofthemstruggleswithforgiveness.You’dwanttoaskaboutthisandmakesuretheyarereadytobeforgivingoftheirspouseinmarriage.Onthepremaritalcurriculum:Therearefourlessons:atheologyof(1)marriage;(2)communication;(3)sexuality;and(4)everythingelse(love,money,forgivenessandchildren).Eachlessonisbrokendownintofourparts:(a)theScripturestudies.ThemainthingwedoineachsessionisstudyScripture.Thinkofthisasaninteractive,inductiveBiblestudy;notasermon.Wewanttostudyawide-varietyoftextstoseewhatGod’sWordhastosayaboutthedifferentaspectsofmarriage.Ispendalotoftimeaskingquestionsandgettingthecoupletothinkthroughthetext.FormorematurecouplesIcanaskalotofquestionsandleadthemthroughthetextbythoughtfulquestions.Forlessmaturecouples,Ihavetodoalotmorethanaskquestions;Iprobablyhavetodoalotmoreteaching.(b)practicalexercises.ThisisourchancetoapplyGod’sWordtothenitty-grittydetailsoflife.Theseshouldbecompletedbeforetheycomeintothesession.

Session1:YouseePart1.LeavingandCleavingexercise:Idon’tlikethequestions,butthemainpointistogetthecoupletotalkaboutanyissues

withseparatingfromtheirfamily.Part2isachanceforthemtoreflectontheirvows.Part3isthestrengthandweaknessesexercise.Session2:Part1iscommunicationthroughProverbs.IgetthecoupletopickoutProverbsthatreflecttheirstrengths,weaknessesandidealsforcommunicating.Part2isrecordingafight.IgetthemtotalkaboutaconflicttheyrecentlyhadandItrytogivethemwisdomonhowtohandleconflict.Session3:Part1isasetofquestionsthatthecoupledoesseparatelyandthentalksaboutthem.InPart2,theyeachindividuallyfindsomeonewhoisaChristian,thesamegender(guysaskguys;galsaskgals)andmarried.Theywillinterviewthisperson,askinghimorherquestionsspecificallyaboutsex.Questionshavebeenincludedjustincasetheydon’tknowwhattoask.Iftheyhaveadditionaltime,I’veincludedanumberofotherquestionstoask.Session4:InPart1,themainexerciseistocompleteatentativebudgetandthentousethequestionsincludedinthecurriculumtoreflectontheirbudget.Ifthewifehopestobeathomeaftertheystarthavingchildren,Iaskthecoupletomakeasecondbudgetthatreflectsanadjustmenttolivingoffofjustthehusband’sincome.Andthentheyshouldcomparethefirstandsecondbudgettoseehowbigofashiftitwillbefromthefirstbudgettothesecond.InPart2,you’llfindaschedulingexercise,whichhelpsthecoupletoaligntheirschedulesasacouple,ratherthanorganizingtheirscheduleslikeindividualsinthefirstfewmonthsoftheirmarriage.

(c)sermons.Somepeoplelearnbetterbylisteningratherthanreading.(d)reading.Mainlyfromourmainmarriagebook:Gary&BetsyRiccucci’sLovethatLasts.FYI.I’vealsowrittena5-minutelessononeachtopic–marriage,communication,sexandmoney.Witheach5-minutelesson,Iteachthecoupleafewbasicpointsoneachtopic.Ihavemyownhand-writtennotes,andwouldencourageyoutocomeupwithyourown.Thinkofthispartasasummaryofyourownlessonslearnedineachoftheseareas.Aswerevisethepremaritalcurriculum,we’llpostanewversionintheresourcesectionofthebiblicalcounselingcoalition’swebsite.Sobesuretochecktheirwebsiteeveryotheryearorso.

Introduction*to*Pre-Marital*Counseling*at*CHBC*

We’re%very%excited%for%your%engagement%and%for%all%that%God%will%do%as%you%move%toward%marriage.%

Thank%you%for%the%privilege%of%assisting%you%and%your%fiancée%as%you%seek%out%pre>marital%counseling%at%CHBC.%What%you’ll%find%in%this%brief%introduction%is%a%short%guide%to%premarital%counseling%at%

CHBC,%including%a%description%of%the%contents%of%this%binder.%

*

WHAT’S*THE*POINT*OF*PREMARITAL*COUNSELING?*

There%are%five%purposes%for%premarital%counseling.%

(First,(we(want(to(help(you(build(a(solid,(biblical(foundation(as(you(start(your(marriage.((So,%we’ll%spend%a%lot%of%time%in%Scripture%and%thinking%through%biblical%ideas%as%they%apply%to%marriage.%

Secondly,(we(want(to(help(you(begin(a(dialogue(about(your(marriage.%There%are%a%host%of%topics%(communication,%finances,%sex,%parenting,%etc.)%that%we%think%are%important%to%consider%before(you%get%married.%The%good%news%is%that%the%conversation%we%are%beginning%is%a%life>long%process.%We’ll%

solve%some%problems,%but%many%others%will%be%left%for%you%to%work%though%over%the%course%of%your%

entire%marriage.%We’ll%start%the%dialogue,%and%leave%the%rest%to%you.%

Thirdly,(we(will(point(out(areas(of(concern(in(your(relationship.%We%are%all%sinners.%No%relationship%is%perfect.%Despite%all%of%your%premarital%bliss,%you%are%going%to%have%problems,%conflict,%and%struggles%

in%your%relationship.%We%want%to%help%you%address%these%difficulties%sooner%rather%than%later.%So,%the%

more%honest%you%are%about%your%struggles,%the%more%you%will%facilitate%the%pastor’s%ability%to%help%

you%in%preparation%for%marriage.%

Fourthly,(we(want(to(preserve(you(from(temptations.%Lots%of%Christian%couples%do%a%good%job%of%preserving%themselves%from%premarital%sex,%but%once%they%get%engaged,%they%let%down%their%guard%

and%begin%falling%into%sexual%temptation.%Men%and%women%rationalize%premarital%sex%with%thoughts%

like,%“We’re%engaged,%which%means%we%are%practically%married%already;”%or,%“We’ll%be%married%soon,%

so%what%does%it%matter?”.%Even%worse,%some%guys%feel%a%sense%of%entitlement%to%the%woman’s%body%

because%they%are%now%engaged.%We%(the%pastoral%staff)%want%to%help%you%fight%temptation%and%stay%

pure%until%the%wedding%day!%

Fifthly,(we(want(to(prepare(you(for(the(marriage,(and(not(just(the(wedding(day.%We%often%find%that%couples%get%caught%up%in%the%frantic%details%of%preparing%for%the%wedding%day,%and%don’t%spend%much%

time%getting%ready%for%the%marriage.%Premarital%counseling%is%meant%to%slow%you%down%and%help%you%

think%about%the%relationship.%The%wedding%day%marks%the%beginning%of%your%life%together,%but%the%

marriage%will%last%for%the%rest%of%your%life.%So,%it%is%good%for%you%to%take%time%to%prepare%for%this%life>

long%journey%together.%

* *

WHAT’S*INVOLVED*IN*PREMARITAL*COUNSELING?*

Premarital%counseling%involves%four%sessions%with%one%of%our%pastoral%staff.%The%counseling%will%

range%anywhere%from%8%to%10%hours%total%(approximately%2%to%3%hours%per%session).%%

Here%is%our%five>fold%strategy%behind%the%premarital%counseling:%

READ:*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

You’ll%be%assigned%reading%from%Gary%&%Betsy%Ricucci’s%Love(that(Lasts(and%C.J.%Mahaney’s%Sex,(Romance(&(the(Glory(of(God.%%%

STUDY:*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

In%each%session%you%will%study%Scripture%to%set%a%solid,%biblical%foundation.%

LISTEN:**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

On%the%CHBC%website,%you%will%find%sermons%that%relate%to%topics%covered%in%each%session.%To%

reinforce%the%material%we%are%studying,%we%will%encourage%you%to%listen%to%a%few%of%the%sermons.%

APPLY:**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Each%session%has%application%exercises%that%apply%the%key%ideas%to%your%specific%relationship.%

TALK:**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

You%will%have%lots%of%conversations—with%your%future%spouse,%with%the%pastor,%with%your%parents,%

and%with%other%couples%in%the%church.%These%conversations%will%both%prepare%you%for%the%wedding%

day%and%help%you%to%grow%in%godliness.%

*

WHAT’S*IN*THIS*BINDER******************************************************************************************************************************************************

In%this%binder,%you%will%find%most%of%the%materials%you%will%need%for%premarital%counseling%at%CHBC.*

In*the*first*section*of*this*binder*you*should*have:*

• The%introduction%

• A%marriage%preparation%inventory%

In*the*middle*section*of*this*binder*you*should*have:*

• Materials%for%the%four%pre>marital%counseling%sessions.%%Each%session%includes%a%Scripture%

Study%guide,%applications%exercise,%sermons%to%listen%to%and%readings.%%%

Here%are%the%four%counseling%sessions%in%depth:%

Session%1—A%Theology%of%Marriage%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

• Scripture%Study:%Genesis%1:26>28;%2:15>25;%3:1>24;%Ephesians%5:21>31%%%%%%%%%%%%

• Exercises:%Pt.%1%Questions%about%Leaving%your%Family%of%Origin%/%Pt.%2%Wedding%

Vows%/%Pt.%3%Your%Strengths%&%Weaknesses%%

• Sermons:%Mark%Dever%and%John%Piper%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

• Reading:%Ricucci’s%Love(that(Lasts,%chs.%1>3%%%

Session%2—A%Theology%of%Communication%

• Scripture%Study:%Matthew%12:22>37;%Ephesians%4:17>32;%James%3:1>18;%4:1>12%

• Exercises:%Pt.%1%Communication%in%Proverbs%/%Pt.%2%%Working%through%conflict%%

• Sermons:%Zach%Schlegel%and%Paul%Tripp%

• Reading:%Ricucci’s%Love(that(Lasts,%chs.%4>6%%%

Session%3—A%Theology%of%Sex%

• Scripture%Study:%Song%of%Solomon,%1%Peter%3:1>7;1%Corinthians%6:12>20,7:1>7%

• Exercises:%Pt.%1%Sex%questions%/%Pt.%2%Interview%a%married%friend%%

• Sermons:%Al%Mohler,%Mark%Dever,%Thabiti%Anyabwile,%and%John%Piper%

• Reading:%Ricucci’s%Love(that(Lasts,%chs.%7>8,%CJ%Mahaney’s%Sex,(Romance(and(the(Glory(of(God%

Session%4—A%Theology%of%Everything%Else:%Love,%Money,%Forgiveness,%and%Children%

• Scripture%Study:%1%Corinthians%13:%2%Corinthians%8:1>15;%Matthew%18:21>35;%

Psalm%127%

• Exercises:%%Budget%&%Scheduling%%

• Sermons:%Al%Mohler,%John%Piper,%and%Andy%Davis%

• Reading:%Ricucci’s%Love(that(Lasts,%Epilogue%%• %%

WHEN*ARE*WE*“OFFICIAL”?*

In%other%words,%when%does%the%worship%hall%reservation%at%CHBC%turn%“officially”%from%pencil%to%pen%

(i.e.,%from%tentative%to%permanent)%and%when%can%we%send%out%public%announcements%(i.e.,%mail%your%

invitations%and%list%things%in%the%church%newsletter)?%From%the%staff’s%perspective,%you%are%official%

only%after%you%have%finished%your%four%premarital%counseling%sessions.%This%means%the%sooner%you%

get%your%premarital%counseling%done,%the%sooner%the%pastor%can%“sign%off”%on%your%use%of%the%worship%

hall%and%the%mailing%of%your%invitations.%

HOW*DO*WE*START?*

• Call%the%pastor%and%set%up%your%first%premarital%counseling%session.%%

• Finish%the%marriage%preparation%inventory%(which%should%be%located%just%behind%this%

introduction)%and%drop%it%off%for%the%pastor%about%a%week%before%you%start%counseling.%This%is%

the%most%important%thing%to%do%before%your%first%meeting.%

• Do%the%Scripture%study,%readings,%sermon%listening,%and%exercises%for%each%session,%before%

the%session.%%

%

1""

A"Marriage"Preparation"Inventory"

This%questionnaire%is%designed%to%help%identify%strengths%and%potential%trouble5spots%in%your%relationship.%Most%of%the%questions%have%no%“right”%answers.%The%important%thing%is%for%you%to%state%clearly%your%perceptions%in%each%case.%%

Instructions:%(1)%Fill%out%your%individual%questionnaire.%Do%not"talk%to%each%other%about%your%answers%until%after%you%have%each%filled%out%your%own%questionnaire.%%(2)%After%you%have%each%finished%your%individual%questionnaires,%be%sure%to%talk%through%the%inventory%together%before"you"come"for"your"first"session.%The%pastor%conducting%your%pre5marital%counseling%is%the%only%other%person%who%will%read%your%responses.%%(3)%Don’t%forget%to%turn%it%in%to%your%pastor%about%a%week%before%your%first%premarital%session.%

A."GENERAL"INFORMATION""

Your%name%__________________________________________________%Birth%date%_________________________%Age%_______%

Local%Address%_______________________________________________________%%Email:%_________________________________%

Home%Phone%____________________%%Cell%Phone%______________________Work%Phone%____________________________%

Occupation%_____________________________________%%Schooling%Completed%______________________________________%

Wedding%Date%and%Location%__________________________________%%Presiding%Minister%_________________________%

How%long%have%you%been%a%member%of%CHBC?%______________________________________________________________%

If%not%a%member,%where%do%you%go%to%church%(name%and%location)?%_______________________________________%

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

Brief%summary%of%circumstances%for%meeting%and%dating%__________________________________________________%

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

Why%are%you%excited%to%marry%your%fiancé(e)?%_____________________________________________________________%

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

B."GENDER"ROLES"IN"MARRIAGE"

%%%%%%%1.%%What%does%biblical%leadership%and%submission%look%like%in%a%marriage?%__________________________%

%%%%%%%______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

%%%%%%%2.%%In%what%ways%were%your%parents%a%good%or%poor%example%of%biblical%leadership%and%%%%%

%%%%%%%submission%in%a%marriage?%_______________________________________________________________________________%

%%%%%%%______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

2""

3.#For#the#man:%What%are%your%fears,%struggles,%or%concerns%in%learning%to%lead%your%future%wife?%______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

4.%%For#the#woman:%What%are%your%fears,%struggles,%or%concerns%in%learning%to%submit%to%your%future%husband?%__________________________________________________________________________________________%

%%%%%%%______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

C."THE"IMPACT"OF"THE"SIN,"IDOLATRY"AND"STRESS""

1. What%sins%characterize%you?%%List%a%few_____________________________________________________________%

2. Pick%one%sin%that%has%been%harmful%for%your%relationship%with%your%fiancé(e).%Describe%why%it%

has%hurt%the%relationship;%what%you%need%to%do%to%change%this%pattern;%and,%how%your%

fiancé(e)%can%help.%___________________________________________________________________________________%

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

3. Pick%a%sin%that%has%ruined,%worsened%or%compromised%a%particular%season%of%your%life%(either%

previously%or%currently)?%____________________________________________________________________________%

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

4. What%are%your%idols%or%false%gods?%What%do%you%do%with%these%idols?%___________________________%

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

5. Check%off%any%of%these%struggles,%sickness%or%sins%that%you%have%experienced%in%the%past%or%

continue%to%wrestle%with%in%the%present…%

%Abortion% % % _____%% % % Pornography% % % _____%Abuse% % % _____%% % % Obsessive%Compulsive%%% _____%ADD/ADHD% % _____%% % % Panic%Attacks% % % _____%Adultery% % % _____%% % % Rape% % % % _____%Alcohol%Overuse% % _____%% % % Same%Sex%Attraction% % _____%Anger%or%Aggression% _____%% % % Self5Harm%% % % _____%Anxiety% % % _____%% % % Sexual%Dysfunction% % _____%Attention/Concentration% _____%% % % Sexual%Immorality% % _____%Cancer% % % _____%% % % Sleeplessness% % % _____%Chronic%Physical%Pain% _____%% % % Suicidal%thoughts/attempts% _____%Depression%% % _____%% % % %%Divorce% % % _____%% % % %%Eating%Disorder% % _____%% % % %%Drug%Addiction% % _____%Financial%Problems/Debt% _____%

3""

6. How%do%you%react%to%stress?%Which%sins%come%out%when%you%are%stressed?%_____________________%

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

7. Where%do%you%find%refuge/safety/comfort/security%when%you%are%stressed?%%__________________%

________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

8. How%would%you%like%your%fiancé(e)%to%help%you%fight%stress?%%_____________________________________%

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

D."YOUR"FAMILY"BACKGROUNDS"(Leaving"and"Cleaving)"

1.%%%%How%long%have%you%known%your%fiancé(e)?%____________%When%did%you%become%convinced%that%

you%wanted%to%be%married?%(approximate%date)%_______________________________________________________%

2. Indicate%your%parents’%attitude%toward%your%fiancé(e):%Total%acceptance%_________%

Acceptance%with%reservations%__________%%Disapproval%__________%

3. How%do%you%perceive%your%prospective%in5laws’%attitude%toward%you:%%

Total%acceptance%_________%%%%%%%%%%Acceptance%with%reservations%__________%%%

Disapproval%__________%

4. %Compare%your%family%backgrounds:%%%%%%%% % Yours% % %%%%Fiancé(e)’s%

Parents%living?%(if%not,%date%of%death)% % ___________% %%%%___________%

Parents%living%together?%(if%not,%date%of%sep.)% ___________% %%%%___________%

Number%and%gender%of%siblings%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%___________% %%%%___________%

Home%town% % % % % ___________% %%%%___________%

Father’s%occupation% % % % ___________% %%%%___________%

Mother’s%occupation% % % % ___________% %%%%___________%

Family’s%socio5economic%level% % % ___________% %%%%___________%

Family’s%church%affiliation% % % ___________% %%%%___________%

Degree%of%their%church%involvement% % ___________% %%%%___________%

Depth%of%their%Christian%commitment% % ___________% %%%%___________%

Their%political%party%affiliation% % % ___________% %%%%___________%

Hereditary%health%problems?% % % ___________% %%%%___________%

5. In%what%ways%are%you%alike%or%different%from%your%father%or%mother?%How%will%you%

consciously%work%to%be%different%from%them?%%

Father:%_________________________________________________________________________________________________%

%%%%% Mother:%________________________________________________________________________________________________%

4""

6.%%Have%you%been%married%before?_________%To%whom%were%you%married?%___________________________%

7.%%Have%you%been%in%any%other%relationship%that%you%thought%would%lead%to%marriage?%____________%

If%so,%what%happened?%%____________________________________________________________________________________%

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

8.%%Describe%the%marriage%you%have%observed%which%you%most%want%yours%to%resemble:%%

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

9.%%List%the%strengths%of%your%parents’%marriage%that%you%most%want%to%experience%in%your%own.%

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

10. What%weaknesses%in%your%parents’%marriage%do%you%wish%to%avoid?%____________________________%

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

E.""PERSONALITY"AND"TEMPERAMENT"(How"did"God"make"you?"What"do"you"like?)"

1.%Indicate%which%of%you%tends%more%(in%relation%to%the%other)%to%be:%(mark%“M”%for%the%man%and%“W”%for%the%woman;%“B”%for%both;%“N”%for%no%one)"

The%extrovert% % _____%The%introvert% % _____%The%talker% % % _____%The%listener% % _____%The%thinker% % _____%The%doer% % % _____%The%planner% % _____%The%procrastinator%% _____%The%pouter%% % _____%The%shouter% % _____%The%optimist% % _____%The%pessimist% % _____%The%night%person% % _____%The%morning%person% _____%The%spender% % _____%The%saver% % % _____%The%leader% % % _____%The%follower% % _____%The%helper%% % _____%The%artist% % % _____%

The%home5body% % _____%The%party5person% % _____%Neater% % % _____%Messier% % % _____%More%ambitious% % _____%More%complacent% % _____%More%punctual% % _____%More%tardy%% % _____%More%easy5going% % _____%More%quick5tempered% _____%More%impulsive% % _____%More%cautious% % _____%More%spontaneous%_____%More%organized% % _____%More%manipulative%% _____%More%compliant% % _____%More%analytical% % _____%More%emotional% % _____%More%happy% % _____%More%depressed% % _____%

5""

%

2.%List%some%of%your%fiancé(e)’s%characteristics%which%are%most%attractive%to%you:%%

%%%_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

%%%_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

3.%List%some%of%your%fiancé(e)’s%traits,%habits%or%mannerisms%do%you%at%least%occasionally%find%%%

%%%irritating?%____________________________________________________________________________________________________%

4.%In%which%areas%would%you%like%your%fiancé(e)%to%help%you%improve%yourself?%_______________________%

%%%_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

5.%In%which%areas%would%you%like%to%help%your%fiancé(e)%improve?%______________________________________%

%%%_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

6.%On%the%lines%below,%indicate%the%relative%levels%of%maturity%which%you%think%you%and%your%%

%%%fiancé(e)%have%reached%respectively%as%compared%with%your%age%group%(On%each%line%place%an%%

%%%“M”%for%the%man%and%a%“W”%for%the%woman%at%the%appropriate%spot)%

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%Immature%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% % % % % %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%Mature%

Emotionally%___________________________________________________________________________________________________%

Intellectually%__________________________________________________________________________________________________%

Socially%%%%%%%_____________________________________________________________________________________________________%

Spiritually%%%____________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

7.%Name%a%few%significant%life%events%(good%and%bad)%that%have%significantly%shaped%you?%

%%%_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

%%%_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

F."YOUR"COMMUNICATION"

1.%Are%you%an:%

______%External%processor%(you%tend%to%verbalize%things%before%you%think%them%through)%

______%Internal%processor%(you%tend%to%think%things%through%before%you%verbalize%them)%

2.%What%are%the%key%components%to%an%apology?____________________________________________________________%

6""

3.%Are%you%quick%or%slow%to%apologize?%If%slow,%why?_______________________________________________________%

4.%Indicate%how%each%of%you%tends%to%express%the%following%feelings.%%On%each%line%place%an%%

%%%“M”%for%the%man%and%a%“W”%for%the%woman%at%the%appropriate%spot.%

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%Internalize%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%Internalize,%then%verbalize%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%Verbalize%Quickly%

Anger%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%______________________________________________________________________________________________%

Disappointment%%%______________________________________________________________________________________________%

Frustration%%%%%%%%%%%%______________________________________________________________________________________________%

Guilt%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________%

Joy%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________%

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%1%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%2% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%3% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%4% % %%%5%

%

5.%What%do%you%usually%fight%about%and%when%do%you%usually%fight?%______________________________________%

%%%%%%%______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

6.%How%do%you%try%to%resolve%conflict%with%your%fiancé(e)?%________________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

7.%List%one%or%two%communication%struggles%that%have%been%harmful%for%your%relationship%with%your%fiancé(e).%Describe%why%it%has%hurt%the%relationship;%what%you%need%to%do%to%change%this%pattern;%and,%how%your%fiancé(e)%can%help.%_________________________________________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

8.%List%one%or%two%of%your%fiancé(e)’s%greatest%communication%strengths%and%list%them%here.%Explain%briefly%why%you%picked%them.%_____________________________________________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

G."YOUR"RELATIONSHIP"

1.%List%the%most%significant%interests%you%share%in%common.%_____________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

7""

2.%Which%books%on%marriage%have%you%read?%______________________________________________________________%

3.%What%are%some%of%the%relational%strengths%that%you%can%bring%to%the%marriage?%_____________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

4.%What%do%you%consider%to%be%your%weaknesses%as%a%prospective%marriage%partner?%__________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

5.%State%honestly%any%fears,%concerns,%or%apprehensions%you%feel%about%your%anticipated%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

%%%marriage.%_____________________________________________________________________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

6.%How%do%you%intend%to%deal%with%these%concerns?%________________________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

7.%What%are%some%matters%about%which%the%two%of%you%have%different%opinions?%________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

8.%Are%there%any%areas%in%which%you%are%struggling%to%trust%your%fiancé(e)?%_____________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

H."YOUR"SEXUALITY"

%%%1.%Are%you%a%virgin?%____________%

%%%2.%If%you%are%not%a%virgin,%how%would%you%describe%your%previous%sexual%experiences?%%

%%%%%Numerous%____%Rare%_____%%Destructive%_____%Abusive%________%(other)%____________%

%%3.%Do%you%sometimes%feel%guilty%about%the%sexual%involvement%you%have%had%with%your%%

%%fiancé(e)?%_____________________________________________________________________________________________________%

%%4.%What%are%you%doing%to%protect%yourself%from%sexual%temptation?%_____________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

I."YOUR"FAITH"

%%%1.%Describe%your%relationship%with%God:%___________________________________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

8""

2.%In%what%ways%do%you%struggle%to%trust,%follow,%love%God?%______________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%3.%What%are%the%main%influences%that%have%shaped%your%relationship%with%God?%______________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%4.%How%does%your%expression%of%your%faith%differ%from%that%of%your%fiancé(e)?%________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%5.%As%you%see%it,%how%does%a%Christian%marriage%differ%from%any%other?%_________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%6.%How%do%you%expect%to%cultivate%your%faith%together%after%you%are%married?%_________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

%%%7.%After%marriage,%where%do%you%plan%to%go%to%church?%Will%this%church%be%a%good%place%for%you%%

%%%both%to%grow%spiritually?%___________________________________________________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

J."YOUR"FINANCES"

1.%Which%of%you%has%had%more%experience%in%managing%finances?%______________________________________%

2.%Who%will%manage%your%family%finances?%________________________________________________________________%

3.%Do%you%have%a%tentative%budget?%_________________________________________________________________________%

4.%Will%the%wife%be%employed%after%you%are%married?%_______%If%so,%are%the%reasons%primarily%%

%%%financial______%or%commitment%to%a%career%________?%

5.%After%marriage,%do%you%plan%to%merge%your%bank%accounts?%___________________________________________%

6.%If%you%answer%“no”%to%question%#5,%then%please%explain:%______________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

7.%Do%you%have%any%concern%in%how%your%fiancé(e)%handles%his/her%finances?%If%so,%explain.%%%%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%

9""

8.%In%which%of%the%areas%above%would%you%say%that%your%fiancé(e)%might%spend%money%%

%%%%frivolously?%_________________________________________________________________________________________________%

9.%In%which%areas%do%you%think%he/she%might%be%too%frugal?%_____________________________________________%

10.%%Indicate%relative%inclinations%to%spend%money%in%the%following%areas%(“M”%for%man,%“W”%for%%%%%

%%%woman%at%the%appropriate%spot).%

% % % % Least%Likely% % % % Most%Likely%

New%clothes% % % ___________________________________________________________%

Hobbies,%recreation% % ___________________________________________________________%

Automobile% % % ___________________________________________________________%

Books,%magazines% % ___________________________________________________________%

Movies,%concerts% % ___________________________________________________________%

Music%equipment,%CDs% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%___________________________________________________________%

Home%furnishings% % ___________________________________________________________%

Groceries% % % ___________________________________________________________%

Eating%out% % % ___________________________________________________________%

Entertaining%guests% % ___________________________________________________________%

Gifts%for%spouse% % ___________________________________________________________%

Gifts%for%others%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%___________________________________________________________%

Vacations% % % ___________________________________________________________%

"

K."FUTURE"(Children,"Birth"Control,"Spiritual"Growth,"Forgiveness,"Divorce)"

1.%If%both%plan%careers,%whose%job%determines%where%you%will%live?%_____________________________________%

2.%How%soon%would%you%like%to%have%children?%_______________%%How%many?%____________%

3.%What%form%of%birth%control%do%you%expect%to%use?%______________________________________________________%

4.%If%an%“accidental”%pregnancy%occurred,%would%you%consider%an%abortion?%________%Does%%

%%%your%fiancé(e)%share%your%feeling%about%this?%_____________________________________________________________%

5.%If%you%should%be%unable%to%have%your%own,%would%you%adopt%a%child?%__________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

10""

6.%How%can%you%help%your%spouse%to%grow%spiritually?_____________________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

7.%What%would%you%like%for%him/her%to%say%in%answer%to%the%previous%question?%______________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

8.%What%do%you%intend%to%do%to%stay%in%love?%_____________________________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

%%%%________________________________________________________________________________________________________________%

9.%Have%you%ever%struggled%with%forgiving%someone?%If%so,%give%an%example:%_________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

10.%If%your%answer%to%#9%was%“yes,”%how%can%you%prevent%this%from%ever%happening%with%your%%

%%%fiancé(e)?%_____________________________________________________________________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

11.%What%circumstances,%as%you%see%it%now,%would%lead%you%to%seek%a%divorce?%________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

12.%If%you%specified%a%circumstance%in%#11,%what%will%you%do%to%prevent%it?%____________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

13.%In%regards%to%the%future,%what%do%you%tend%to%worry%about?%_________________________________________%

%%%%%_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________%%

Premarital)Counseling)Session)1:))A)Theology)of)Marriage))

))

Instructions:))Be#sure#to#finish#the#Scripture#study,#readings,#and#exercises#before#Session#1.####Also,#be#sure#to#turn#in#the#premarital#inventory#to#the#pastor#at#least#a#day#or#two#before#your#first#session.###

)))

Key)Ideas))

1. As#image>bearers,#men#and#women#have#equal#dignity#and#value#in#God’s#eyes.##)

2. Men#and#women#were#created#with#different#roles.####)

3. A#husband#and#wife#are#called#to#leave#their#family#of#origin#and#to#cleave#to#their#new#spouse.###The#two#become#“one#flesh.”#)

4. The#relationship#between#Christ#and#the#church#models#for#husbands#and#wives#how#they#are#to#relate#to#one#another.##

#

Scripture)Study)Guide)for)a)Biblical)Theology)of)Marriage))Instructions:##Read#Gen#1:26>28;#2:#15>25;#3:1>24;#Eph#5:21>33.##Below#you#will#find#a#list#of#verses#and#questions#that#help#you#think#about#the#text.##For#each#verse,#explain#briefly#what#the#verse#means#and#how#it#applies#to#marriage.###(Note#that#I’ve#only#included#a#few#lines#to#write#on#because#I#want#you#to#be#brief!)#####Gen#1:26>28#.

Questions:..What#is#an#image>bearer?#Why#is#it#important#that#man#and#woman#are#made#in#the#image#of#God?##What#role#did#God#assign#man#and#woman#in#creation#(hint:#v.#26#“dominion”#or#“rule#over”)?##What’s#the#relationship#between#“being#fruitful#in#number”#and#“ruling#over”?###Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________#.Application.to.marriage:.___________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##Gen#2:15#.

Questions:..Before#woman#is#on#the#scene,#what#role#did#God#give#to#man?###Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________# Gen#2:18#.

Questions:..Why#does#God#say#it#is#not#good#for#man#to#be#alone?##What#does#it#mean#to#be#a#“suitable#helper”?###Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

Gen#2:24#.

Questions:..Why#does#God#command#man#to#leave#his#family#of#origin#and#be#united#to#his#wife?###What#does#“one#flesh”#mean?###Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##Gen#3:16#.

Questions:..How#did#the#curse#change#the#way#the#woman#relates#to#her#husband#and#the#way#the#husband#relates#to#his#wife?####Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##Eph#5:21>33##.Questions:..What#is#Paul#trying#to#teach#us#through#v.#21?..Why#should#wives#submit#to#their#husbands#(vs.#22>24)?##How#does#Paul#describe#the#wife’s#relationship#to#her#husband#(vs.#22>24,#33)?##What#can#a#wife#learn#from#the#church’s#submission#to#Christ?##How#does#Paul#describe#a#husband’s#relationship#to#his#wife#(vs.#25>32)?#What#can#husbands#learn#from#Christ’s#love#and#life>giving#sacrifice#for#the#church#(vs.#25>27)?#####Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________#

Exercises)for)a)Biblical)Theology)of)Marriage)(Session)1))##Part)1.))Questions)about)Leaving)our)Family)of)Origin))#

1. In#what#ways#do#you#still#“cleave”#to#your#parents#(Gen#2:24)?###How#do#these#things#need#to#change#before#you#get#married?###(For#example,#are#their#ways#that#you#still#relying#on#your#parents#for#financial#provision?##How#should#that#change?##Or#do#you#still#rely#on#them#primarily#for#advice?###How#would#that#change#in#marriage?)##

###

2. Who#in#your#extended#family#is#going#to#struggle#with#your#transition#into#marriage?##What#issues#might#arise#as#you#get#married?##Will#one#of#your#parents,#siblings,#grandparents,#etc.#have#a#hard#time#adjusting?###What#adjustments#need#to#be#made?#(For#example,#is#their#a#strong>willed#father#or#mother#or#sibling#who#will#cling#to#you?##Demand#your#time?##Tell#you#what#to#do#in#marriage?##Try#to#turn#to#you#for#help?##Expect#you#to#be#heavily#involved#in#their#life?)#######

3. After#you#get#married,#what#are#your#expectations#for#your#relationship#with#your#in>laws?##What#are#your#fiancé’s#expectations?##

#####

4. After#you#get#married,#what#are#your#expectations#for#your#relationship#with#your#parents?##What#are#your#fiancé’s#expectations?##

####5. What#rules,#traditions,#events,#or#other#things#are#important#to#your#family?#

How#do#you#and#your#fiancé#plan#to#be#(or#not#to#be)#involved#in#these#things?###

##)

Part)2.))Meditating)on)Your)Vows))

Here#is#your#chance#to#consider#your#wedding#vows.##Write#a#sentence#or#two#explaining#what#each#statement#means.##Then#talk#it#over#with#your#fiancé.## Exchange)of)Vows)I,#______,#take#you,#_______,#to#be#my#wedded#husband/wife,###!!!#to#have#and#to#hold#from#this#day#forward,#####for#better#for#worse,######for#richer#for#poorer,#####in#sickness#and#in#health,######(the#man’s#vow)##to#lead,#love,#and#to#cherish,###(the#woman’s#vow)#to#love,#cherish,#and#to#obey,########till#death#us#do#part,######according#to#God’s#holy#ordinance;######and#thereto#I#pledge#you#myself.#

# # #)Exchange)of)Rings)With#this#ring#I#thee#wed,######and#with#all#my#worldly#goods#I#thee#endow,######in#the#name#of#the#Father,#and#of#the#Son#and#of#the#Holy#Spirit.##Amen.#)))

Part.))3)#Your)Strengths)&)Sins)and)Your)Future)Marriage##

Pursue#the#list#of#people#below#and#ask#them#four#questions.####(1)#What#do#strengths.do#I#bring#into#the#marriage?##(2)#What#do#you#think#will#be#some#good.things.about#being#married#to#me?##(3)#What#are#my#primary.sins.or.weaknesses.that#my#spouse#needs#to#be#aware#of?###(4)#What#do#you#think#will#be#the#hardest.part.about#being#married#to#me?###(5)#What#advice#would#you#give#my#fiancé#based#on#your#answers#to#the#first#four#questions?###Pick#two#or#three#of#the#people#listed#below###Ask#one#or#both#of#your)parents))Their#Answers:_______________________________________________________________________________)))))Ask#a#close)friend)who#knows#you#really#well))His#or#Her#Answers:__________________________________________________________________________)))))Ask#a#pastor)or)elder)in)your)church)#or#someone#who#has#discipled#you))His#Answers:__________________________________________________________________________________)))))Ask#a#current#or#former#mentor)who#knows#you#really#well))His#or#Her#Answers:__________________________________________________________________________))))))

)

Sermons))Try#to#listen#to#at#least#one#sermon#from#this#page.##)From#CHBC#audio#(www.capitolhillbaptist.org):#

• Mark#Dever#>#Gender#Roles#in#the#Family#–#Genesis#2:20>24###• Mark#Dever#>#Gender#Identity#in#Redemption#–#Galatians#3:28###• Mark#Dever#>#Gender#Identity#in#Creation#–#Genesis#1:27###

#From#Desiring#God#(www.desiringgod.org):##

• John#Piper#>#The#Beautiful#Faith#of#Fearless#Submission#–#1#Peter#3:1>7#

• John#Piper#>#Lionhearted#and#Lamblike:#The#Christian#Husband#as#Head#–#Eph#5:21>33#(pt#1#and#2)#

• John#Piper#>#Marriage:##Pursuing#Conformity#to#Christ#in#the#Covenant#–#Eph#5:21>33#

• John#Piper#>#Staying#Married#is#not#about#Staying#in#Love#–#Gen#2:18>25#(pt#1#and#2)#

))

Readings))The#Ricucci’s#Love.that.Lasts:#Ch.#1>3#)#

An)Optional)Reading)and)Companion)Exercise)about)the)Gospel))Buy!a!copy!of!Greg!Gilbert’s!What#is#the#Gospel?!and!his!Who#is#Jesus?##The!guy!should!read!one!of!these!books!and!the!gal!should!read!the!other.!!Then!share!with!each!other:!!

(1) What!were!the!most!helpful!parts!of!the!book!for!you?!!Read!to!your!fiancée!your!favorite!lines!and!quotes!from!the!book.!!

(2) Talk!with!each!other!about!your!daily!dependence!on!Jesus!and!the!gospel.!!Where!does!it!give!you!hope?!How!does!it!sustain!you?!How!does!it!or!can!it!breath!life!into!your!struggles?!!

(3) Pray!for!each!other!and!for!your!personal!relationship!with!the!Living!Christ!!

Premarital)Counseling)Session)2:))A)Theology)of)Communication)

))

Instructions:))Be#sure#to#finish#the#Scripture#study,#readings,#and#exercises#before#Session#2.#####

)##

Key)Ideas))

1. #The#goal#of#marital#communication#is#a. spiritual#growth#–#to#use#your#words#to#help#your#spouse#look#more#like#Christ.##

b. union#in#marriage–#to#achieve#a#oneness#of#understanding.##c. responsible,#loving,#careful#speech#–#to#use#our#words#to#build#up#and#not#to#tear#each#other#down.###

#)

2. Our#Model#for#communication#is#the#incarnation#–#the#Son#of#God#took#on#flesh#and#entered#into#our#experience.##He#was#tempted#like#we#were#tempted,#etc.##Just#like#Christ,#a#husband#and#wife’s#call#is#to#use#words#to#enter#into#their#spouse’s#experience#and#to#understand#their#spouse.#

Scripture)Study)Guide)for)Biblical)Communication))Instructions:##Read#Matt#12:22J37;#Eph#4:17J32;#James#3:1J18;#4:1J10.##Below#you#will#find#a#list#of#verses#and#questions#that#help#you#think#about#the#text.##For#each#verse,#explain#briefly#what#the#verse#means#and#how#it#applies#to#marriage.###(Note#that#I’ve#only#included#a#few#lines#to#write#on#because#I#want#you#to#be#brief!)######Matt#12:22J37#(focus#on#vs.#33J37)#.

Questions:..How#do#you#recognize#a#tree#(v.#33)?#If#the#good#and#bad#trees#are#meant#to#be#a#word#picture#for#human#beings,#what#does#the#“fruit”#represent?#What#is#the#connection#between#the#heart#and#the#mouth#(v.#34)?##What’s#the#relationship#of#your#“empty”#or#“careless”#words#and#God’s#judgment#(vs.#36J37)?#####Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________###Eph#4:29#.

Questions:..What#should#not.come#out#of#your#mouth?##What#should#come#out#of#your#mouth?#What#is#meant#by#the#phrase#“according#to#their#needs”#(NIV)#or#“as#fits#the#occasion”#(ESV)?#####Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________###James#3:1J18#.

Questions:..James#gives#several#word#pictures—bits#in#horses’#mouths;#small#rudders#for#ships;#and#a#fire#(vs.#3J6).##Explain#what#each#of#these#word#pictures#mean#in#regards#to#the#tongue.##Who#can#tame#the#tongue#(vs.#7J8)?##James#creates#contrasts#

in#vs.#9#–#12#(praise#and#cursing;#fresh#and#salt#water#flowing#from#the#same#spring;#etc.).#What’s#the#point#of#these#contrasts?####Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##James#4:1J10#.

Questions:..Where#do#fights#and#quarrels#come#from?##Why#does#James#call#his#readers#“adulterous”#(vs.#4)?##What#attitude/posture#will#transform#the#way#you#communicate#(vs.#6J7,#10)?###Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

Exercises)for)Biblical)Communication))Part)1.)))Below)you)will)find)a)list)of)proverbs)that)deal)with)communication.)))#Prov#10#vs.#8,#10,#11,#14,#18,#19,#21,#31,#32.##Prov#11#vs.#9,#11,#12,#16,#17.##Prov#12#vs.#6,#13#–#19,#22,#25.##Prov#13#vs.#2J3#Prov#14#vs.#3,#5,#7,#9J10,#17,#25,#29.##Prov#15#vs#1J2,#4,#7,#12,#18.##Prov#16#vs.#5,#13,#18,#19,#21,#23,#24,#28,#32.##Prov#17#vs.#7,#9#–10,#14,#19,#20,#27,#28.##Prov#18#vs.#2,#4,#6J8,#13,#15.##Prov#19#vs.#11.#Prov#20#vs.#3.#Prov#21#vs.#9,#19,#23,#24.#Prov#22#vs.#10,#11,#24,#25.#Prov#23#vs.#9.#Prov#24#vs.#17,#26.#Prov#25#vs.#11,#12,#14,#15.#Prov#26#vs.#4,#5,#21,#24,#25,#26,#28.#Prov#27#vs.#2,#5,#14,#15,#19.#Prov#28#vs.#23,#26.#Prov#29#vs.#1,#8,#11,#19,#20,#22.##Instructions:..Read#through#the#proverbs#listed#above.##Pick#three#proverbs#that#in#some#way#reflect#your#communication#struggles.##Explain#how#each#proverb#describes#your#relationship.## #1.##Proverbs#____:______##

Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________#

#2.##Proverbs#____:______##

Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

#3.##Proverbs#____:______##

Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________#

#

Instructions:..Refer#again#to#the#proverbs#listed#above.##Pick#three#proverbs#that#in#some#way#reflect#your#communication#strengths.##Explain#how#each#proverb#describes#your#relationship.## #1.##Proverbs#____:______##

Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________#

#2.##Proverbs#____:______##

Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

#3.##Proverbs#____:______##

Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

Instructions:..Refer#again#to#the#proverbs#listed#above.##Pick#three#proverbs#that#in#some#way#reflect#communication#skills#that#you#(do#not#yet#but)#hope#to#one#day#reflect.##Explain#why.you#picked#each#proverb#and#explain#its#relevance#to#your.relationship.## #1.##Proverbs#____:______##

Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________#

#2.##Proverbs#____:______##

Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

#3.##Proverbs#____:______##

Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

Part)2.))Working)through)Conflict))#With#your#fiancé,#choose#either#a#problem#that#is#unresolved#or#something#that#was#recently#resolved.#If#you#put#things#on#a#scale#of#1#(superficial#problem)#to#10#(very,#very#sensitive),#pick#something#between#5#and#7.#Be#prepared#to#talk#about#the#fight#with#the#pastor,#but#work#through#the#questions#below#before#you#come#in.###

1. What#was#the#problem/conflict/fight?#######

2. What#was#each#of#you#coveting,#desiring,#hoping#for?#######

3. At#what#point#did#you#get#disappointed/annoyed/frustrated/angry#with#your#fiancé?###And,#why#did#you#get#disappointed/annoyed/frustrated/angry#with#your#fiancé?#######

#4. Did#you#really#understand#your#fiancé’s#perspective?##Ask#him/her#if#he#or#

she#feels#like#you#understood#him/her?#####

5. What#are#your#typical#rules#of#engagement#in#a#fight?##If#you#don’t#have#any,#what#should#they#be?##

####

6. What#sins#do#you#need#to#own#up#to#and#confess#to#God#and#your#fiancé?##(Take#some#time#to#do#that#now…)#

)))

Sermons)))From#Desiring#God#(www.desiringgod.org):##

• Paul#Tripp#–#War#of#Words:##Getting#to#the#Heart#for#God’s#Sake#–#Desiring#God#National#Conference#(2008)#

))

From#CHBC#audio#(www.capitolhillbaptist.org):#• Zach#Schlegel#–#God’s#Wisdom#for#our#Words#–#Proverbs#(2014)###

))

Readings))&)The#Ricucci’s#Love.that.Lasts:##Ch.#4J6##

&)#

An Optional Reading and Companion Exercise about Fighting and Conflicts

If you want to get better equipped at handling conflict consider:

1. Reading Ken Sande’s Resolving Everyday Conflict 2. Talking with a wise, older, godly couple about your conflict patterns. Ask

them to hold you accountable and to pray for you. 3. If you don’t fight much (yet) then meet with an older, godly couple and ask

them to explain how they learned to handle conflict.

Premarital)Counseling)Session)3:))A)Theology)of)Sexuality)

))

Instructions:))Be#sure#to#finish#the#Scripture#study,#exercises,#sermons,#and#readings#before#Session#3.#####

))

)##)

Key)Ideas))

1. #Physical#attraction#and#physical#intimacy#are#a#gift#from#God#and#a#blessing#to#be#enjoyed#in#marriage.####

2. A#healthy#biblical#sexuality#involves#physical,#emotional,#relational#and#spiritual#intimacy.##It’s#a#package#that#can’t#be#bifurcated.####

)3. A#couple’s#sex#life#is#the#picture/sign#of#the#emotional,#relational,#and#spiritual#state#of#the#marital#union.##)#)

#

Scripture)Study)Guide)for)a)Biblical)Sexuality))Instructions:##Read#Song#of#Solomon#1G#8;#1#Peter#3:1G7;#1#Cor#6:12G20;#7:1G7.##Below#you#will#find#a#list#of#verses#and#questions#that#help#you#think#about#the#text.##For#each#verse,#explain#briefly#what#the#verse#means#and#how#it#applies#to#marriage.###(Note#that#I’ve#only#included#a#few#lines#to#write#on#because#I#want#you#to#be#brief!)#####Song#of#Solomon#1G#8#.

Questions:..What#do#you#learn#physical#attraction,#physical#love#and#relational#intimacy#by#reading#to#the#dialogue#between#the#lover#and#the#beloved?#####Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##1#Peter#3:1G7#.

Questions:..How#is#true#beauty#expressed#in#this#passage?##What#is#most#“precious”#or#“worthy”#to#God#(v.#4)?##Contrast#the#two#kinds#of#adornmentGGGthe#first#in#v.#3#and#the#other#in#v.#5?##What’s#the#connection#between#hope#and#beauty#(“adorn#themselves”)#and#submission#(v.#5)?####Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

##

#1#Cor#6:12G20##.Questions:.There#are#two#kinds#of#union#in#vs.#15G17.##What#are#these#two#unions#and#why#are#they#significant?#Why#does#Paul#bring#up#the#“one#flesh”#principle#(1#Cor#6:#16;#Gen#2:24)#and#how#does#this#relate#to#sex?#Who#“owns”#your#body#(vs.#19G20)?##What#implication#does#this#“ownership”#have#for#how#you#use#your#body?####Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##1#Cor#7:1G7##.Questions:..#Why#should#each#man#have#a#wife#and#each#wife#have#a#husband#(vs.#2G3)?##What#does#Paul#mean#by#“conjugal#rights”#or#“marital#duty”#(v.#3)?##What#does#Paul#mean#by#a#spouse#having#“authority#over”#his#or#her#spouse’s#body#(v.#4)?#What#implication#does#that#have#for#your#sexual#relationship?##When#can#you#“deprive#each#other”#of#sex,#and#when#can#you#not#(v.#5)?###Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

#

)

Exercises)for)Biblical)Sexuality) Part.))1.##Every#couple#must#make#decisions#about#what#level#of#discussion#about#sex#is#appropriate#before#marriage.##Your#conscience#will#be#a#good#guide,#and#both#partners#should#be#respectful#of#the#other#person’s#conscience.##The#questions#listed#below#are#intended#to#explore#background#factors#that#can#affect#a#sexual#relationship#in#marriage.#Remember:#a#loving#relationship—built#on#Christ#and#characterized#by#sacrifice—is#the#most#important#determinant#in#a#good#sexual#relationship.####Take#time#to#answer#the#following#statements/questions.##Do#this#individually.##Then#take#turns#sharing#your#response#to#each#question.##Be#as#open#as#you#are#able#to#be#at#this#time.#####

1. Things#I#remember#hearing,#being#taught,#or#have#sensed#about#what#it#means#to#be#a#man/woman#are#(list#at#least#3):##

######

2. Things#I#remember#hearing#or#being#taught#about#sexual#intimacy#are#(list#at#least#3):##

#######3. What#connections#do#I#see#between#the#above#two#lists#and#my#attitude#

toward#sexual#intercourse#and#my#attitude#toward#my#sexuality?#######

4. Were#you#ever#physically#abused#or#raped?##If#so,#have#you#sought#counsel#to#help#you#work#through#the#past#trauma?##Are#you#fearful#about#how#this#might#affect#your#sexual#relationship#with#your#fiancé?###

###

###

5. Do#you#struggle#with#pornography?##If#you#currently#struggling#(or#have#struggled#in#the#recent#past),#do#you#have#weekly#accountability#with#another#person?##(Warning:##Don’t#tell#your#fiancé#the#details#about#your#past#struggles.##If#you#share#anything#about#your#past,#speak#more#generally.##The#details#won’t#help#him#or#her#at#all.)###))##

6. A#fear#or#hesitation#I#have#about#sex#is…..######7. One#of#the#things#I#find#most#attractive#about#you#is…..#

#####

8. Because#of#God’s#love#for#us,#sexual#intimacy….######

9. Because#God#gives#sex#as#a#pleasurable#gift#for#couples#to#enjoy,#we…..#######

!!!

Part.)2))Interview)with)a)Married)Friend)))#You#are#encouraged#to#find#a#married#friend#of#the#same#gender#who#you#can#ask#questions#in#preparation#for#your#marriage.##We#particularly#want#you#to#talk#about#sex#(questions)in)bold)below),#but#we#figured#since#you#are#making#the#effort#to#find#someone,#you#might#as#well#ask#them#about#other#aspects#of#their#marriage.###You’ll#find#below#suggested#questions.##Please#feel#free#to#ask#lots#of#other#questions#that#you#have#in#mind.##Since#premarital#counseling#is#done#by#a#pastor#(who#is#a#male!),#we’ve#found#this#application#exercise#to#be#especially#helpful#for#women#to#get#perspective#and#guidance#from#a#married#woman#in#our#congregation.###Questions.for.the.Groom.to.Ask.a.Married.Man:##

• Can)I)share)with)you)some)of)my)fears)in)having)sex?)• What)is)the)key)to)marital)fidelity?)• What)do)you)feel)are)the)ingredients)for)a)good)sexual)relationship?)• Is)there)anything)else)you)want)to)share)with)me)about)sex)in)marriage)

that)will)help)me)as)I)prepare)to)be)wed?)#

If#you#have#time,#ask#some#of#the#following#questions…#• How#does#your#individual#relationship#with#Christ#affect#your#relationship#

with#your#wife?##• Do#you#believe#divorce#is#an#option?##What#effect#has#this#belief#had#on#your#

commitment#to#your#wife?##• On#leaving#and#cleaving:##How#did#you#develop#independence#from#your#

parents?##How#did#your#relationship#with#your#parents#change#after#marriage?###

• How#would#you#describe#your#responsibility#in#leading#in#the#marriage?##How#does#your#understanding#of#leadership#in#marriage#compare#or#contrast#with#Scripture?##

• What#have#been#some#of#your#joys#and#struggles#in#leading#your#wife?##• What#are#some#examples#of#how#you#love#your#wife#as#Christ#loves#the#

church?##• What#are#a#few#practical#ways#in#which#you#manage#and#shepherd#your#

family?####• What#does#family#worship#look#like#in#your#family?##• How#do#you#and#your#wife#share#responsibility#for#your#children#(i.e.,#care#of#

children,#disciplines,#decisions#about#school,#etc.)?##• How#do#you#keep#romance#alive#with#your#wife?#• How#did#your#communication#evolve#from#your#engagement#period#through#

the#first#few#years#of#your#marriage?###• What#advice#would#you#give#me#as#I#try#to#learn#to#lead#my#wife#in#

communicating?##In#light#of#your#strengths#and#weakness#in#communication,#what#would#you#tell#me#to#focus#on#or#avoid#in#communicating#with#my#wife?####

• How#do#you#encourage#each#other#to#communicate?##When#do#you#usually#talk#to#each#other?##

• How#do#you#solve#conflict?###• Do#you#have#a#budget?##How#did#you#arrive#at#the#budget#you#are#presently#

using?##• How#do#you#determine#the#major#purchases#to#make?##• How#have#you#treated#debt#and#credit#card#purchases?##What#advice#would#

you#give#in#this#area?##• How#have#your#personal#views#affected#your#decisions#in#spending,#giving,#

and#savings?##• Who#pays#the#bills#and#why?##• Do#you#pray#together?##• How#do#you#hold#one#another#accountable?#• Do#you#ever#study#Scripture#together?#• Is#there#anything#that#we#have#not#covered#that#has#had#an#impact#on#your#

marriage#that#you#would#like#to#share?##Be.sure.to.thank.the.person.for.taking.the.time.to.talk.with.you.and.ask.them.to.pray.for.you.and.your.future.wife...It.would.also.be.a.kind.thing.for.you.to.ask.your.friend.how.you.and.your.fiancé.could.pray.for.their.marriage..

!Questions.for.the.Bride.to.Ask.a.Married.Woman:##

• Can)I)share)with)you)some)of)my)fears)in)having)sex?)• What)is)the)key)to)marital)fidelity?)• What)do)you)feel)are)the)ingredients)for)a)good)sexual)relationship?)• Is)there)anything)else)you)want)to)share)with)me)about)sex)in)marriage)

that)will)help)me)as)I)prepare)to)be)wed?)#

If#you#have#time,#ask#some#of#the#following#questions…#• How#does#your#individual#relationship#with#Christ#affect#your#relationship#

with#your#husband?#)• Do#you#believe#divorce#is#an#option?##What#effect#has#this#belief#had#on#your#

commitment#to#your#wife?##• On#leaving#and#cleaving:##How#did#you#develop#independence#from#your#

parents?##How#did#your#relationship#with#your#parents#change#after#marriage?###

• How#would#you#define#submission?##How#does#your#definition#of#submission#compare#or#contrast#with#Scripture?###

• How#do#you#work#to#be#a#“suitable#helper”#(cf.#Gen#2:18)#for#your#husband?##What#have#been#some#of#your#joys#and#struggles#in#following/submitting#to#your#husband?##

• How#did#you#feel#about#submission#before#you#got#married?##Contrast#that#with#how#you#feel#about#it#right#now?###

• What#does#family#worship#look#like#in#your#family?##• How#do#you#and#your#husband#share#responsibility#for#your#children#(i.e.,#

care#of#children,#disciplines,#decisions#about#school,#etc.)?##

• How#do#you#keep#romance#alive#with#your#husband?#• How#did#your#communication#evolve#from#your#engagement#period#through#

the#first#few#years#of#your#marriage?###• What#advice#would#you#give#me#as#I#try#to#learn#to#communicate#with#my#

future#husband?##In#light#of#your#strengths#and#weakness#in#communication,#what#would#you#tell#me#to#focus#on#or#avoid#in#communicating#with#my#fiancé?####

• How#do#you#encourage#each#other#to#communicate?##When#do#you#usually#talk#to#each#other?##

• How#do#you#solve#conflict?###• Do#you#have#a#budget?##How#did#you#arrive#at#the#budget#you#are#presently#

using?##• How#do#you#determine#the#major#purchases#to#make?##• How#have#you#treated#debt#and#credit#card#purchases?##What#advice#would#

you#give#in#this#area?##• How#have#your#personal#views#affected#your#decisions#in#spending,#giving,#

and#savings?##• Who#pays#the#bills#and#why?##• Do#you#pray#together?##• How#do#you#hold#one#another#accountable?#• Do#you#ever#study#Scripture#together?#• Is#there#anything#that#we#have#not#covered#that#has#had#an#impact#on#your#

marriage#that#you#would#like#to#share?##Be.sure.to.thank.the.person.for.taking.the.time.to.talk.with.you.and.ask.them.to.pray.for.you.and.your.future.husband...It.would.also.be.a.kind.thing.for.you.to.ask.your.friend.how.you.and.your.fiancé.could.pray.for.their.marriage..

)))


• Mark#Dever#–#Wisdom#of#the#Married#–#The#Message#of#the#Song#of#Songs###

• Al#Mohler#G##An#Evangelical#Theology#of#Sex#–#Genesis#2###From#Desiring#God#(www.desiringgod.org):##

• John#Piper’s#–#Sexual#Relations#within#Marriage#–#Hebrew#13:4G5###From#First#Baptist#Grand#Cayman#(www.fbc.org.ky):#

• Thabiti#Anyabwile#–#A#Study#of#the#Song#of#Solomon##))

Readings))!!Ricucci’s#Love.that.Lasts:#Ch.#7G8#For#the#Man:#CJ#Mahaney’s#Sex,.Romance,.and.the.Glory.of.God.#####

#

Premarital)Counseling)Session)4:))A)Theology)of)Everything)Else))(Love,)Money,)Forgiveness)and)Children))

))

Instructions:))Be#sure#to#finish#the#Scripture#study,#readings,#and#exercises#before#Session#4.#####

))

)###)

Key)Ideas))

1. #The#essence#of#marital#love#is#commitment,#not#emotion.###

2. Money#is#a#primary#way#to#give#expression#to#what#is#important#to#you.##)

3. We#forgive#our#spouse#because#God#has#first#forgiven#us.###

4. Children#are#a#blessing#from#the#Lord.##)

#

Scripture)Study)Guide)for)a)Biblical)Theology)of)Everything)Else))Instructions:##Read#1#Corinthians#13;#2#Corinthians#8:1J15;#Matthew#18:21J35;#Psalm#127.###Below#you#will#find#a#list#of#verses#and#questions#that#help#you#think#about#the#text.##For#each#verse,#explain#briefly#what#the#verse#means#and#how#it#applies#to#marriage.###(Note#that#I’ve#only#included#a#few#lines#to#write#on#because#I#want#you#to#be#brief!)#####1#Corinthians#13###.

Questions:..#In#vs.#1J3,#Paul#uses#the#phrase:#“but#have#not#love.”##What#effect#does#the#exclusion#of#love#have#on#the#things#Paul#listed?##In#vs.#4J7,#Paul#describes#love.##Can#you#summarize#his#thoughts#in#a#few#words?##Summarize#the#point#of#vs.#8J13?####Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##2#Corinthians#8:1J15#.

Questions:..#Why#does#Paul#use#the#Macedonian#churches#as#an#example#to#the#Corinthians#(vs.#1J5)?##What#does#“grace”#(vs.#1,#6,#7)#have#to#do#with#giving?#What#does#the#gospel#have#to#do#with#your#giving#(v.#9)?####Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

Matthew#18:21J35#.

Questions:..#How#often#should#you#forgive#your#spouse#(vs.#21J22)?##Who#are#the#main#characters#in#the#parable?#What’s#the#point#of#this#parable?#Why#was#the#master#angry#at#the#servant#(vs.#32J33)?#####Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

#Psalm#127##.Questions:#Summarize#the#main#idea#in#vs.#1J2.##What’s#the#point#of#the#terms#“heritage”#and#“reward”#(v.3)?##Why#does#the#psalmist#compare#children#to#arrows#(v.#4)?#What#does#the#psalmist#say#about#a#“full#quiver”#(v.#5)?##What#is#the#psalmist#describing#when#he#talks#about#parents#not#being#put#to#shame#when#they#“speak#with#their#enemies#at#the#gate”#(v.5)?###Explanation:.________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##


_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

_______________________________________________________________________________________________##

)

Exercise)for)Biblical)Theology)of)Everything)Else)))Part)1.))Making)a)Budget)#Every#couple#must#make#decisions#about#finances.##As#you#merge#together#your#money,#you#will#have#to#make#decisions#about#what#you#value#and#what#you#don’t#value.##Remember:#a#budget#is#simply#a#means#to#define#what#we#value.##How#we#spend#our#money#defines#what#we#value.##Step)1.))#Instructions:#The#point#of#this#exercise#is#to#get#you#to#start#thinking#about#your#budget.##Do#your#best#to#come#up#with#a#“rough”#budget.##Bring#a#copy#of#the#budget#to#your#final#premarital#counseling#session.##Before#you#work#on#your#budget,#please#ask#the#pastor#about#the#family.budget.Excel.spreadsheet#that#is#available#to#help#you#with#this#exercise.###After#you#come#up#with#a#budget,#talk#through#the#questions#listed#below.####Questions)to)consider))

1. What#do#you#learn#about#your#priorities#and#values#by#looking#at#your#budget?##

2. What#are#your#guidelines/philosophy#for#how#you#will#tithe?##3. Who#will#primarily#handle#the#dayJtoJday#managing#of#the#finances#in#your#

family?##4. What#does#it#mean#for#the#husband#to#show#leadership#in#the#family#finances?###5. Have#you#come#up#with#a#system#of#how#to#organize#your#finances?##(e.g.,#will#

you#use#some#type#of#software#like#Quicken#or#Microsoft#Money?##Or#will#you#use#the#‘envelope’#system?)##

6. If#you#have#debt,#how#are#you#planning#to#pay#it#off?###7. If#you#have#bad#debt#(e.g.,#credit#card#debt),#does#your#budget#reflect#an#

aggressive#plan#to#pay#it#off?##8. Is#your#family#budget#dependent#on#two#incomes?##If#the#wife#were#suddenly#

to#become#pregnant#and#decide#to#stop#working,#would#she#be#able#to#stop#without#it#resulting#in#a#significant#change#of#lifestyle?##

#Step)2.)(Optional))#Instructions:##Imagine#if#the#wife#became#pregnant#and#very#sick#during#the#first#year#of#marriage,#and#was#not#able#to#work.##Or,#maybe#she#just#becomes#unable#to#work#because#of#a#sickness#unrelated#to#pregnancy.##Regardless#of#the#circumstances,#take#the#budget#that#you#came#up#with#in#part#1#and#now#redo#it#so#you#are#dependent#only#on#the#husband’s#income.##Note#differences#between#the#two#budgets#and#talk#over#with#the#pastor/counselor—how#painful#will#it#be#to#live#on#this#second#budget?#Looking#back#on#it#now,#what#adjustments#might#need#to#be#

made#to#the#first#budget#(from#part#1)#that#might#make#living#off#of#this#second#budget#more#plausible?##)Part)2.))Organizing)Your)Family)Schedule)#One#thing#that#often#catches#couples#by#surprise#is#a#merger#of#their#individual.schedules#into#one#family.schedule.##For#example,#suppose#the#husband#has#small#group#on#Monday#night,#and#the#wife#has#her#small#group#meeting#on#Tuesday#night,#and#they#both#go#to#the#midJweek#church#evangelistic#training#on#Wednesday#nights.##That#would#mean#the#first#night#of#the#week#they#get#to#be#together#is#Thursday#night!#Like#this#couple,#too#many#couples#plan#their#weeks#more#like#individuals.in#marriage#rather#than#thinking#more#like#a#married#couple.###Step)1.))Write#out#your#individual.schedules#for#one#week#of#your#life.##Think#in#terms#of#begin#a#single#adult#and#write#out#what#you#typically#schedule#for#one#week.##Include#how#many#hours#you#sleep,#your#quiet#times,#commuting#to#and#from#work,#church#related#activities#(including#church#attendance#on#Sundays),#your#job,#extraJcurricular#activities#(reading,#running,#etc.),#fellowship#with#believers#and#time#with#other#friends,#and#anything#else#you#can#think#of.####Add#up#the#total#hours#you#have#in#each#category#(i.e.,#how#many#hours#per#week#do#you#sleep,#work,#do#church#activities,#etc.)#and#list#them#below.##

Sleep## ##=##_________##hours#per#week#Work## ##=###_________##hours#per#week#

ChurchJrelated##=###_________##hours#per#week### # ###=###_________##hours#per#week#

###=###_________##hours#per#week####=###_________##hours#per#week#

#Questions)to)consider)

1. How#many#hours#do#you#sleep#each#week?#Is#this#your#ideal,#or#how#far#short#do#fall#of#your#ideal?##

2. How#many#hours#do#you#work#each#week?##3. How#many#hours#are#you#doing#churchJrelated#activities?##4. Was#there#anything#that#surprised#you#about#your#schedule?##5. How#do#you#think#your#schedule#needs#to#be#adjusted#in#marriage?##

#Step)2.)))Take#your#two#individual.schedules#and#work#together#to#merge#them#into#one#family.schedule.##Recommendation:#About#two#or#three#months#into#marriage,#pull#this#out#and#compare#real#life#with#your#tentative#family#schedule.#)

))


• Al#Mohler#–#Reproductive#Techniques#and#Contraception#–#Henry#Forum##

#From#Desiring#God#(www.desiringgod.org):##

• John#Piper#–#Marriage#is#Meant#for#Making#Children#(Pt#1#and#2)#–#Eph#6:1J4##

• John#Piper#–#Marriage:##Forgiving#and#Forbearing#–#Col#3:12#J#19###

From#First#Baptist#Church#Durham#audio#(www.fbcdurham.org):#• Andy#Davis#–#Children#are#a#Blessing#from#God#–#Psalm#127#

)Readings)

)The#Ricucci’s#Love.that.Lasts:#Epilogue##

!#

An Optional Reading and Companion Exercise for the Prideful and Self-Righteous

If you struggle with pride or self-righteousness, you should:

1. Read a book on humility like CJ Mahaney’s Humility: True Greatness 2. Write out some ways in which your pride commonly affects your

relationship and confess these things to your fiancé (Proverbs 28:13). 3. Think together about some ways in which you desire to grow in

humility (James 4:6). 4. Pray together and ask for the Lord’s help.

a brief overview for pastors - biblical counseling coalition€¦ · a brief overview for pastors...

Documents