5 shockingly unexpected cures for common health problems

8/12/2019 5 Shockingly Unexpected Cures for Common Health Problems

1/13

5 Shockingly Unexpected Cures for Common

Health ProblemsBy Matt Farmer, Ivan FarkasMay 23, 2014

There are two ways to cure an ailment: go to the octor an suck u! whatever treatment

they !rescri"e you, or let your #rienly neigh"orhoo shaman o the #eathere snake ance

on you while $enny Mc%arthy screams "ullshit a"out vaccinations in the "ackgroun&

'ell, that(s the !o!ular view, anyway& In reality, there are !lenty o# healing tricks hiing

"etween the e)tremes o# moern meicine an *ew +ge insanity& ven "etter, a whole

"unch o# them are the sort o# stu## you o every ay- 'ell, may"e not all o# you&&&
http://www.cracked.com/members/mattisthewolfhttp://www.cracked.com/members/mattisthewolfhttp://www.cracked.com/members/Catbeer100http://www.cracked.com/members/Catbeer100http://www.cracked.com/members/mattisthewolf


2/13

#5. Fingering our !sshole Can Cure Hiccups

Fuse.Fuse./etty Images

*ote a"out that healine: This is not a #ake article&

There are a"out a thousan home remeies #or hiccu!s, with varying levels o#

e##ectiveness& ou can hol your "reath until your ia!hragm resets& ou can have the

hiccu!s scare away& ou can even eat a s!oon#ul o# sugar, which we(re tol is e##ective

"ut carries a high risk o# accientally summoning Mary o!!ins& But we hol ourselves to a

higher stanar& 'e strive to "ring you the a"solute "est, most im!ressive way to get ri o#

that stu!i ia!hragm tic& 'e(re !re!are to ig as ee! as it takes& eally, reallyee!& Butthole ee!&

#oto#rankyat.itock./etty Images
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2299306http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2299306


3/13

'hich, coincientally, is where the %racke eitors go to e#en against orcs&

es, science says it(s !ossi"le to sto! your intracta"le hiccu!s with a goo rectal massage,

anyes, they(re "eing serious& It a!!ears that the hiccu!s are closely connecte with the

vagus nerve, which runs all the way #rom your "rain to your ia!hragm &&& an #inally, near

the rectum& The nerve interacts with others near the ia!hragm, causing the #ully #orme

#uck you, "oy e)!erience that is the hiccu!s& The only moerately certain way to truly

calm own that nerve is to con#use it with eli"erate overstimulation 5such as scaring

someone to make their whole "oy #linch6, an the most e##ective way to o that is

to &&& manuallyaccess it& 'hich, o# course, means sticking stu## u! your "utt&

The !rou researchers "ehin the Ig *o"el7worthy#ining use something calle a igital

rectal massage to stimulate the vagus nerve, "ut #or those o# us with analog asses an.or an

aversion to getting #ingere "y a ro"ot, a sim!le human #inger shoul su##ice& May"e your

own& May"e a #rien(s& ou never know what will ha!!en, come the ne)t hiccu!s !arty-

ro"ro)ton.itock./etty Images

+n suenly !eo!le starte hiing hiccu!s like they( "een "itten in the 8om"ie

a!ocaly!se&
http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2012/09/04/3582324.htmhttp://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2012/09/04/3582324.htmhttp://www.livescience.com/23834-hiccup-scare-fort-hood.htmlhttp://www.livescience.com/23834-hiccup-scare-fort-hood.htmlhttp://www.livescience.com/23834-hiccup-scare-fort-hood.htmlhttp://www.newscientist.com/article/dn10207-ig-nobel-prizes-hail-digital-rectal-massage.html#.U1rTsMcivDkhttp://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2012/09/04/3582324.htmhttp://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2012/09/04/3582324.htmhttp://www.livescience.com/23834-hiccup-scare-fort-hood.htmlhttp://www.livescience.com/23834-hiccup-scare-fort-hood.htmlhttp://www.newscientist.com/article/dn10207-ig-nobel-prizes-hail-digital-rectal-massage.html#.U1rTsMcivDk


4/13

#". Sprite ay Cure our Hango$er

$u!iterimages.hotos&com./etty Images

eo!le resort to all kins o# 9uackery to relieve hangovers, like eating a "ig greasy

"reak#ast 5which actually kin o# works6, "ut the #a among *ew +ge ty!es is rinks like

#ancy %hinese her"al teas5that one "oasts an ancient #amous #ormula that was !er#ecte

"y the ol, mystical runks o# the rient6& 'ell, scientists set outto test a "unch o# !o!ular

"everages to see i# there is one magical rink with hangover7curing !ro!erties& The winner

was an eli)ir create "y the healing artisans at the %oca7%ola %om!any calle !rite&

+;+ go right to hell


5/13

The reason this common so#t rink a!!ears to ease hangovers lies in some com!licate

chemistry& ou see, hangovers are not irectly cause "y the alcohol itsel# 77 the horri"le

things you #eel a#ter a Bee#eater marathon are ue to acetalehye, a meta"olic "y!rouct

o# the a#orementione alcohol& +rme with this knowlege, researchers #rom at7en

>niversity in /uang8hou teste a variety o# "everages to see how well they kick

acetalehye(s ass& !rite came out on to! 5along with soa water, in case you think this is

all ?ust ham7hane a insertion6 ue to chemistry reasons too com!licate to elve into

here&

@inicius Tu!inam"a.Aemera./etty

ur "est guess&

o what a"out our mystical her"al teas #rom %hina Theywere #oun to make the !ro"lem

worse& nce again, traitional, all7natural remeies are trum!e "y the woners o# moern

cor!orate ?unk #oo&
http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/10/09/obey-your-thirst-defy-your-hangover/http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/10/09/obey-your-thirst-defy-your-hangover/http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/10/09/obey-your-thirst-defy-your-hangover/http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/10/09/obey-your-thirst-defy-your-hangover/http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/10/09/obey-your-thirst-defy-your-hangover/


6/13

#%. !lcohol Can Sta$e &ff a Cold

yan [email protected]./etty Images

There(s no cure #or the common col, an there(s !ractically #uck all you can o to !revent

getting one& Crink all the orange ?uice you can muster an eat all the vitamin %

su!!lements you can #in 77 they o little or nothing to !revent you #rom getting sick&

Duckily, it(s #ar #rom your only o!tion #or staving o## a col& In #act, you on(t nee any

meication or su!!lements at all& +ll you nee to o is get a little runk&

olka Cot Images.olka Cot./etty Images
http://www.bidmc.org/YourHealth/HealthNotes/WinterWellness/LatestNews/VitaminCSupplements.aspxhttp://www.bidmc.org/YourHealth/HealthNotes/WinterWellness/LatestNews/VitaminCSupplements.aspx


7/13

'ay ahea o# you&

+ccoring to the +merican $ournal o# u"lic Aealth, goo ol7#ashione alcohol can

inee ecrease your susce!ti"ility to the common col an other res!iratory illnesses&

aly, this is not an o!en call to get waste 5h, that"ottle o# whiskey Dook, "oss, I(m

?ust trying to save some sick ays6& There are, in #act, some very s!eci#ic circumstances

#or the alcohol to take e##ect: ou nee to "e a non7smoker, an you nee to kee! the

consum!tion at a moerate level 77 although, we(re ha!!y to re!ort, it(s less a small glass

o# wine with inner an more ure, #eel #ree to throw own three or #our $ack an %okes

a ay&

esearchers thinkthe reason #or alcohol(s magic #lu7sto!!ing !ower lies in more

com!licate chemistry 5s!eci#ically, ethanol(s a"ility to "oost our cyclic aenosine

mono!hos!hatelevels to a Aulk7like egree, which allows our "oies to com"at #lu

sym!toms much more e##iciently6& It(s worth noting that not every scientist vehemently

agrees with the whole ?ust kee! yoursel# ti!sy an the virus won(t stan a chance

argument: ne !anish stuy#oun that the consum!tion o# "eer an s!irits ha no

correlation whatsoever with the risk o# getting the #lu& Aowever, re wine seeme to o the

trick, although the researchers are 9uick to !oint out there(s a chance it coul "e ?ust a

glitch&
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1694990/http://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/pdf/10.2105/AJPH.83.9.1277http://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/pdf/10.2105/AJPH.83.9.1277http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclic_adenosine_monophosphatehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclic_adenosine_monophosphatehttp://aje.oxfordjournals.org/content/155/9/853.full#T2http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1694990/http://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/pdf/10.2105/AJPH.83.9.1277http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclic_adenosine_monophosphatehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclic_adenosine_monophosphatehttp://aje.oxfordjournals.org/content/155/9/853.full#T2


8/13

yan [email protected]./etty Images

Crinking trial E1G: Inconclusive& Back to the la"oratory-

But even those mi)e results mean that alcohol has a "etter scienti#ic recor #or col

!revention than shit in your su!!lement aisle like +ir"orne&

http://www.cracked.com/article_21173_5-shockingly-unexpected-cures-common-

health-problems.html/

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9/13

#'. Horror o$ies(urn Calories

Image ource.Cigital @ision./etty Images

Aere(s the "a news: o! culture makes weight loss seem way easier than it actually is

5losing a lot o# weight is"orerline im!ossi"lewithout surgery6& But when it comes to

"urning a #ew e##ortless calories now an then, there are all sorts o# little things you can o

77 #or instance, we have !reviously !ointe out that #igeting "urns 30 calories a ay&

'ell, now a stuy says you can a horror movies to the list&

Martin Barrau.$ Images./etty Images

ou still use a treamill Aow 9uaint-
http://www.cracked.com/article_15012_11-bad-good-horror-movies-you-need-to-see.htmlhttp://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/fat-officially-incurable-according-to-science/http://www.cracked.com/article_19380_6-beneficial-things-they-made-you-stop-doing-in-school_p2.htmlhttp://www.cracked.com/article_15012_11-bad-good-horror-movies-you-need-to-see.htmlhttp://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/fat-officially-incurable-according-to-science/http://www.cracked.com/article_19380_6-beneficial-things-they-made-you-stop-doing-in-school_p2.html


10/13

e!, watching horror movies gives you a sitting workout &&& as long as the movie actually

scares you& ettling in #or G0 minutes o# terror mani!ulates your arenaline levels, heart

rate, o)ygen intake, an car"on io)ie out!ut in a way that mimics actual !hysical

e)ercise, an thus "urns calories& /rante, it(s not enough to take you #rom chu""y to i8e

0 "y watching the entireLeprechaunseries in one night 5although it isa sure#ire way to

lose 20 !ouns via shame7sweating6, "ut it will "urn aroun the same amount o# calories as

a 307minute walk in a single sitting&

The stuy actually "oile it own to which s!eci#ic movies worke "est& ut o# the 10

movies they teste, the num"er one s!ot went to The Shining, with a very ecent 1H4

calories "urne !er viewing&Jawswill chew 11 calories o## you, The Exorcistwill chant

1H away, anAlien is goo #or 12& + general rule o# thum" is to always go #or the

movies that rely on ?um! scares, as they are the most e##icient at giving you those short

"ursts o# #ear7inuce arenaline, which increase your meta"olism rate an thus cause the

increase calorie loss&

DittleBeeH0.itock./etty Images

This screamer vieo !laylistis "asically like G0J&

Aey, %racke, someone is no ou"t saying& %ouln(t watching a nice !orno o the same

thing Dike i# it mae me e)cite enough &&& The stuy in(t mention that, "ut what we

can say is&&&
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okCr61sYpsI&list=PL7YGq0o81fP82Wy4MW8jaEyo4pGtqe_3Rhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okCr61sYpsI&list=PL7YGq0o81fP82Wy4MW8jaEyo4pGtqe_3R


11/13

#). asturbation Can Cure *ons of +$eryday !ilments

sumnersgra!hicsinc.itock./etty Images

es, #riens, there is a whole host o# minor ailments that can "e cure with literally a flick

of your wrist& ou coul say you have the solution to all these things right in your hand&

ou might even say that these cures are as easy as manually stimulating your genitals, i#

you know what we mean&

%omstock.tock"yte./etty Images

'e"ster(s ictionary e#ines (?acking it( as &&&


12/13

'e know the vast ma?ority o# our reaers are not too #amiliar with the conce!t o#

mastur"ation, "ut "asically it(s this thing that you o with the little you that leas to an

orgasm, which is the miracle rug you(re looking #or& For instance, you know that ol ?oke

a"out how men ten to #all aslee! a#ter se) cienti#ic #act, "a"y- +t the moment o#

orgasm, your "rain releases a ton o# chemicals, most o# which o inee make you slee!y&

Incientally, one o# sai chemicals, o)ytocin, is known to en#orce "ons "etween !eo!le,

so i# you(re one o# those #olks who genuinely #all aslee! a#ter Bone Time, it!ro"a"ly ?ust

means you(re really into that !erson& But the !oint is that, yes, ?erking it is a natural slee!

ai&

But acting like the worl(s most awesome slee!ing !ill is #ar #rom the only magic orgasms

are ca!a"le o#& Because the universe is not always a terri"le !lace, orgasms can totally treat

heaaches an migraines, to the !oint where they can actually cure them com!letely& I# the

I have a heaache e)cuse to avoi se) is something that actually e)ists outsie o# sitcom

s!ouses, here(s your answer&

tock"yte.tock"yte./etty Images

# course, you actually have togiveher an orgasm #or it to work&
http://theconversation.com/happy-news-masturbation-actually-has-health-benefits-16539http://shell.newpaltz.edu/jsec/articles/volume5/issue4/Kruger_Vol5Iss4.pdfhttp://shell.newpaltz.edu/jsec/articles/volume5/issue4/Kruger_Vol5Iss4.pdfhttp://www.livescience.com/27642-sex-relieves-migraine-pain.htmlhttp://www.livescience.com/27642-sex-relieves-migraine-pain.htmlhttp://www.livescience.com/27642-sex-relieves-migraine-pain.htmlhttp://theconversation.com/happy-news-masturbation-actually-has-health-benefits-16539http://shell.newpaltz.edu/jsec/articles/volume5/issue4/Kruger_Vol5Iss4.pdfhttp://shell.newpaltz.edu/jsec/articles/volume5/issue4/Kruger_Vol5Iss4.pdfhttp://www.livescience.com/27642-sex-relieves-migraine-pain.htmlhttp://www.livescience.com/27642-sex-relieves-migraine-pain.html


13/13

+s #or your !er!etually stu##y nose, you guesse it 77 there(s no nee to look #urther than

the ol( hans7!ants ance& There(s ?ust one catch: ou nee to "e a ue 5saly, science has

yet to con#irm this !articular trick(s e##ectiveness #or women, as it seems to re9uire !hysical

e?aculation6& Curing a male orgasm, the "loo vessels all over the "oy constrict ,incluing

the ones in your nose& This #ull7"oy cariovascular s!asm shoul "e enough to #ree your

locke nasal !assages&

+n i# you like to o "utt stu## at the same time, well, you can say goo"ye to those

hiccu!s, too& ou(ll #eel like a new goamne man&

Interactive Di#e#orms, Inc&

enicillin ain(t got ick on this&

Related Reading: y the way! there are pro"a"ly a few cures you "elieve in that #ust don$t

work%&on$t tilt your head "ack to avoid a nose"leedor you$re a terri"le fool% And "y the

way! 'inseng does fill you with energy if you$re #ust willing to take a shitload of the stuff%

(hile we$re at it! did you know decapitated ants make perfect stitches)

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5 shockingly unexpected cures for common health problems

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