RevisionRe-seeing/ Re-writing

“In the first draft is the talent. In the second is the art.” —Paul

Valery

Figuring out what you’ve

created

Whether a piece of writing comes from a writing

prompt or out-of-the-blue inspiration, the first

draft should come in a burst—not from the critical

side of your brain.

Revision, on the other hand, is about looking at

what’s happened when you wrote, and figuring it

out.

From there, revision becomes about consciously

changing what is on the page.

Revision vs. futzing

The revision process should include checking

word choice, sentence structure, grammar etc.,

but that is line editing, not revising.

In other words, don’t give a car that needs a new

engine a sparkly paint job (bad metaphor)

Instead, start with the larger elements of non-

fiction as points of revision

Elements of Non-Fiction

We used the critique/workshop process to take a

look at the largest aspects of non-fiction as they

are playing out in your pieces: scene, character,

voice, reflection

Take a look at the comments—are there any

patterns in the responses? Do any of the issues

raised coincide with concerns you had about the

piece? Start where you think it needs work.

Areas for Review: Scene

Scene is not “scenery,” although a scene should

include elements of scenery, such as place and

description

Scene = action in real time

Scene vs. summary (exposition)

Scene should occur when the event being

described is key to the emotional and narrative

arc of the story.

Scene vs. summary

The fairy smiled. With a

flick of her magic wand

Cinderella found herself

wearing the most

beautiful dress she had

ever seen. Now for your

coach, said the fairy: "A

real lady would never go

to a ball on foot! Quick!

Get me a pumpkin!. “Oh

of course,” said

Cinderella, rushing away.

One day, a fairy arrived

and gave Cinderella a

beautiful dress and a

coach so she could go to

the ball.

Scene vs. summary

As with fiction (and fairy tales), Creative Nonfiction requires scenes—for the most part—for the portions of the story that make up the key events in the narrative arc.

Scene is about recreating the emotional impact of the events in the story.

Even if the story doesn’t follow a traditional chronological arc, it should still have key moments that create a sense of plot, crisis action and resolution.

Plot vs. story

Story

Once upon a time,

there was a king and a

queen.

First the king died.

Then the queen died.

Plot

Once upon a time,

there was a king and a

queen

First the king died.

Then the queen died of

heartache.

In other words

Plot creates a framework that looks at causality in the

story—it tells why

This matters in nonfiction as much (if not more) than

as fiction because it provides the “why”:

Why does this story matter?

What is at the heart of this story?

Why does this story need to be told?

What is this story really about?

Traditional Plot Structure

Aristotle basically came up with the triangle plot

idea in 350 BC, which basically describes a

beginning, middle and end to a story.

Generally, this would follow a “chronological”

narrative.

Stories do not need to be told in chronological

order, but regardless of the narrative structure,

they need to have an emotional climax and some

sort of conflict in need of resolution.

Narrative structure

Chronological

Flashback

In-media res (starts in the middle of the action)

Thematic (various vignettes more linked by theme)

Circular (circles back to a main event or idea)

The “shape” or framework is only limited by the writer: you can choose any narrative structure you like—but there should be a sense of mounting tension and causality.

Plot

Plot is the literary element that describes the structure of a story. It shows

arrangement of events and actions within a story.

Checkmark

Conflict

The danger is to assume that because the story you are telling is inherently conflicted (death, heartache, loss etc) that the piece will reflect that conflict.

The piece will reflect the conflict if those key moments are rendered in scene so that the reader inhabits them as well

This also means that the “crisis action”—the moment of reckoning—should be rendered in a scene as well.

Voice

When we evaluate voice in a piece, we are looking at a variety of factors:

The author’s voice: the attitude expressed, the word choice, diction (to name a few)

The voice of the characters in the story: how they speak, and what they say.

Just as in real life, the voice of the people inhabiting a piece of nonfiction should be distinct

“Point of view” is a part of voice (choosing which person, 1st, 2nd, 3rd) the story is being told from, but they are not one and the same.

The narrator’s voice is...

Sarcastic

Confused

Accepting

Angry

Exuberant

Arrogant

That of a 5 year old

Word choice

Content of what is said

Syntax of sentences

The way the narrator

sees other people,

places, objects

How other people

respond

Let’s do an exercise

Take a scene from your first draft (if it’s long, condense to about a paragraph for the purpose of this exercise)

Set an “intention” regarding the voice of the piece (you don’t have to keep this or mean it; this is an experiment).

For example: Decide that the voice is “angry”, and rewrite the scene with that intention.

Now rewrite the scene again with an entirely different voice—as far away from the first intention as possible.

Change the voice by changing the word choice, the rhythm of the sentences.

Spend 10 minutes on each paragraph

Working with Theme

Theme in crafted non-fiction writing has similarities with fiction. It means that all the pieces—the narrator’s point of view, the metaphors, the setting, are helping to support that larger abstract idea. Over-do it, and you’re hitting the reader on the head. Ignore it, and you’re likely to end up with a piece that feels fragmented.

Understanding your theme helps you create connections in the writing.

Just ask yourself: What is my story about? Not what happens, but what is at stake?

The Revision Checklist

Show, don’t tell. Go through your manuscript and find the places where you’ve summarized—either dialogue or action. Are these important moments? Remember that important moments should be shown in scenes or with direct discussion.

What is undeveloped? Are your people without faces? Have you worked to transform them from your memories to characters on the page? Are there scenes without locations? Even if you over-write to fill out, you can then pull it back.

Revision means adding what’s missing and taking out what isn’t necessary. Kill your darlings!

Line editing tips

Eliminate vague nouns and verbs:

Everything from the “thing” family (something,

everything, nothing, anything): find a concrete

specific subject that captures what you mean

Verbs from the “to be” family (is, was, will be,

were). Forms of “to be” often indicate a passive

sentence structure and vagueness to action.

Active Voice

One of the greatest challenges most writers face

is remembering to keep prose in active voice.

This can be dealt with on revision, but it’s key to

strong writing.

In active voice, the subject performs the action:

Julia operated the computer (active)

The computer was operated by Julia (passive)

Variety

The other “problem” with vague subjects and

verbs is that writers often use them over and

over again, creating a lack of vibrancy in the

writing.

Go through and circle each time you’ve used a

form of “to be” and restructure the sentence to be

more active and use a variety of verbs.

Adjectives

Adjectives are not the enemy, but when overused

they detract from the goal of “showing” versus

telling.

A beautiful day may indeed be beautiful but it

doesn’t show the reader the day in the same way

that the orange sky and trees filled with lilac buds

and silver-coated unicorn will (OK, OK, no

unicorns in nonfiction, please)

Vary your syntax

Read a paragraph out loud. Are all the sentences

the same length? Are they all short and clipped?

Are the long sentences so long that you lose

your breath and forget to make a point?

Line editing means also looking for opportunities

to vary the rhythm of your sentences, and to

clean up any grammatical issues (run-ons,

fragments.

Syntax Exercise

To experiment, take a piece of writing from someone else—one paragraph

Rewrite one paragraph from your memoir imitating the exact sentence structure of each sentence in that paragraph

Notice how changing the punctuation, the order of nouns and verbs, the length of sentences to imitate someone else’s writing changes the way your writing sounds (this is just to see the difference diction makes; don’t rewrite your whole piece imitating someone else’s sentence structure).

More from the Revision

ChecklistALWAYS keep one copy of the original unrevised work in progress. You never know when you might want to change something back to the way it was.

Try retyping sections where you are stuck.

Read out loud. Tape record yourself reading out loud and listen to it. Ask a friend to read your work out loud.

All of these are steps to try to help you “re-see” your work. Revision means literally re-envisioning your piece, not just trying to mend what is already there.

It’s the little things

I have marked typos and grammatical errors. Be sure to review and correct

If you’re unclear on some basic grammar issues, this is an excellent time to review them. Don’t let grammar scare you. Everyone has little gaps in their understanding of writing rules. Face them now.

Common grammar errors include: comma splices, verb tenses, pronoun/antecedent agreement.

A good resource: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/grammar-girl

Your pieces

Your memoir revision is due in class on March 11 (last class before spring break).

A legitimate revision may mean that you throw out most of what you wrote and start again, focusing in on one scene

It may mean that you expand on what you have

But the revision needs to be a significant shift from the original piece.

All revised work will be evaluated for clean copy, so borrow a proof reader if needed

In class, each of you should prepare to read a two-minute excerpt (give or take; I won’t be timing you) from your revised manuscript

You also will meet in your groups to discuss the changes you made to your manuscripts.

You will also turn in your revised manuscript to me.