20150618 edanz shinshu

Jeffrey Robens, PhD Trevor Lane, PhD

Effective writing and manuscript structure

Shinshu University

18 June 2015

Seminar series

June 18 Writing & manuscript structure

June 27 Making effective presentations

October 2 Abstracts & manuscript submission

October 3 Presentation skills & practice

Today’s seminar

June 18 Writing & manuscript structure

June 27 Making effective presentations

October 2 Abstracts & manuscript submission

October 3 Presentation skills & practice

S

Be an effective communicator

Your goal is not only to be published, but also to be widely read/cited

Importance of publishing

Effectively communicate your ideas in English

Logically present your research in your manuscript

Section 1

Academic publishing

Academic publishing

International language of academics

International reputation

Funding Career

advancement

Why English?

Academic publishing

Publication success = Academic success

S

Publication Metrics and Success on the Academic Job Market van Dijk et al. Current Biology. 2014; 24: R516-R517.

• >25,000 researchers in PubMed • Determined which factors positively correlated

with academic success

• Number of publications • Impact factor of the journal • Number of citations • University ranking • Gender

Academic publishing

What do journal editors want?

Increase impact

High quality research

Interesting to journal’s readership

Original and novel research Well-designed study

Logically organized Real-world applications

Well-written manuscript

Academic publishing

Research that has impact

1. Read primary literature

2. Identify trends: reviews, editorials

3. Identify an important question

• Do you have the expertise/resources? • What is new? • How is it useful? • Is the question focused?

Academic publishing

Do not plagiarize

Do not fabricate or falsify data

Authorship: Study design, data analysis Writing the manuscript Final approval (responsibility)

Declare conflicts of interest: Financial Personal

Publication ethics

Effective writing

Section 2

Customer Service Effective writing Improving readability

Use short sentences Limit your sentences to 15–20 words

One idea per sentence

Use active voice More simple, direct, and easier to read

“Nature journals prefer authors to write in the active voice” (http://www.nature.com/authors/author_resources/how_write.html)

Customer Service Effective writing Use strong verbs

Avoid nominalizations

Converting a verb into a noun

Estimate Estimation

Decide Decision

Confirm Confirmation

Assess Assessment

Customer Service Effective writing

…estimation?

…decision?

…confirmation?

We made a…

Subject Verb

Still no idea what this sentence is about!

Use strong verbs

…cake?

Customer Service Effective writing Use strong verbs

We estimated…

We decided…

We confirmed…

We made a…

Subject Verb

Still no idea what this sentence is about! Clear and direct


We evaluated if the program recruited more students and maximized faculty time.

20 words

12 words

We conducted an evaluation to determine if the program increased the recruitment of students and the maximization of faculty time.

Use strong verbs

Customer Service Effective writing Academic English writing style

Readers focus at the end of the sentence to determine what is important.

1. You deserve a raise, but the budget is tight.

Which sentence suggests that you

will get a raise?

2. The budget is tight, but you deserve a raise.

http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/flow/

Stress position


http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/flow/

The stress position also introduces the topic of the next sentence

The topic position introduces the idea of the current sentence

Academic English writing style

The budget is tight, but you deserve a raise. Your salary will

increase at the beginning of next year. Stress position Topic position


TiO2 surface modification of the scaffold considerably

improved its catalytic efficiency. The increased efficiency was

prominent early in the reaction but decreased over time. The

lack of long-term effects of TiO2 surface modification was likely

due to the reaction being conducted in an aqueous

environment. Evaluating additional solvents to improve the

catalytic efficiency over time is currently being investigated.

idea idea idea idea

Topic link

sentence



Following early breakthrough reports on vacuum-deposited small molecule and solution-processed conjugated polymer organic light-emitting diodes (OLEDs),1 tremendous progress has been made in commercializing smartphone, tablet, and television display products. OLED lighting offers additional challenges including very demanding efficiency requirements set by the ≈100 lm W–1 luminous power efficiency of fluorescent lamps. Vacuum-processed OLEDs have recently passed this 100 lm W–1 target,2 thereby stimulating continued interest in large area lighting applications. However, vacuum processing at scale, especially where shadow-masked pixellation is required, remains challenging and costly. Strong and growing interest has consequently been shown in solution-based processes to address these limitations and achieve the ultimate potential of plastic electronics in large-area, low-cost, high-throughput device fabrication.

Realizing solution-processed multilayer OLEDs with efficiency comparable to vacuum-deposited devices remains extremely challenging,4 and Table 1 summarizes the performance of a selection of state-of-the-art devices fabricated using different approaches. We focus here…

Perumal et al. Adv Mater. 2015; 27: 93–100.

Topic sentence

Stress sentence Topic sentence

Supporting sentences



Common mistakes


A(n): refers to a non-specific noun

The: refers to a specific noun

“A theory that describes economic development…” Suggests there is more than one theory

“The Big Bang theory…” Suggests there is only one theory

“A participant was chosen based on their education level.

The participant was then given a questionnaire to determine…”

Articles: ‘a’ and ‘the’

Customer Service Effective writing “Data” is plural

Data is the plural form of datum

The data was analyzed... This data suggests…

The data were analyzed… These data suggest…


Compared with is for comparing similar things

Compared to is for comparing different things

The toxicity of the new scaffold was reduced compared to the previous scaffold.

The toxicity of the new scaffold was reduced compared with the previous scaffold.

Comparisons


Nature’s guide to authors:

Nature is an international journal covering all the sciences. Contributions should therefore be written clearly and simply so that they are accessible to readers in other disciplines and to readers for whom English is not their first language.

www.nature.com/nature/authors/gta/index.html#a4

“I should use complex words to make my writing more impressive.”


To ascertain the efficaciousness of the program, we interrogated the participants upon completion.

To determine the success of the program, we questioned the participants upon completion.

Complex words

Customer Service Effective writing Avoid complex words

Preferred Enough Clear Determine Begin Try Very Size Keep Enough End Use

Avoid Adequate Apparent Ascertain Commence Endeavor Exceedingly Magnitude Retain Sufficient Terminate Utilization

Customer Service Effective writing Unnecessary words

“A number of studies have shown that the charged group...”

“...as described in our previous study.”

“...at a flow rate of 1.0 mL/min.”

“As a matter of fact, such a low-temperature reaction…”

“That is another reason why, we believe…”

“It is well known that most of the intense diffraction peaks...”

Customer Service Effective writing Unnecessary words


“...as described in our previous study.”


“As a matter of fact, such a low-temperature reaction…”

“That is another reason why, we believe…”

“It is well known that most of the intense diffraction peaks...” “It is well known that most of the intense diffraction peaks...”

“As a matter of fact, such a This low-temperature reaction…”


“That is another reason why Therefore, we believe…”

“...as described previously in our previous study.”



Avoid At a concentration of 2 g/L At a temperature of 37C At a wavelength of 340 nm In order to In the first place Four in number Green color Subsequent to Prior to

Preferred At 2 g/L At 37C At 340 nm To First Four Green After Before

Unnecessary words

Customer Service Effective writing Effective writing?

Haywood R. Photochem Photobiol. 2006; 82: 1123–1131.

“These findings imply that the rates of ascorbate radical production and its recycling via dehydroascorbate reductase to replenish the ascorbate pool are equivalent at the lower irradiance, but not equivalent at higher irradiance with the rate of ascorbate radical production exceeding its recycling back to ascorbate.” 46 words

Customer Service Effective writing Effective writing?

“These findings imply that the rates of ascorbate radical production and its recycling via dehydroascorbate reductase to replenish the ascorbate pool are equivalent at the lower irradiance, but not equivalent at higher irradiance with the rate of ascorbate radical production exceeding its recycling back to ascorbate.”

These findings imply that at low irradiation, ascorbate radicals are produced and recycled—via dehydroascorbate reductase—at the same rate. However, at higher irradiation, these radicals are produced faster than they can be recycled.

46 words

20 & 13 words

Haywood R. Photochem Photobiol. 2006; 82: 1123–1131.

Effective writing activity

Please see Activity 1 in your Workbook


Replace the complicated words and incorrect words in the following sentences with the words from the list below.

To ascertain whether our hypothesis was correct, the data was carefully analyzed with the appropriate methods.

As a matter of fact, it was apparent that the drug was more effective compared to the control.

In order to make a decision if the statistical test was appropriate, we conducted an assessment of the normality of the data distribution.

The experiments were terminated once a sufficient amount of data was collected.







determine were

passive

To determine whether our hypothesis was correct, we analyzed the data.

We analyzed the data to determine whether our hypothesis was correct.







clear

with

It was clear that the drug was more effective compared with the control.







To decide

assessed

To decide if the statistical test was appropriate, we assessed the normality of the data distribution.

We assessed the normality of the data distribution to decide if the statistical test was appropriate.






The experiments were terminated once a sufficient amount of data was collected. enough were passive ended

We ended the experiments once enough data were collected.

Break

Any questions?

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Download and further reading edanzediting.co.jp/shinshu150618

Manuscript structure

Section 3

Coverage and Staffing Plan Manuscript

structure

Use your figures to structure your manuscript

Where to start?

Your findings are why you want to publish your work

Form the basis of your manuscript

First step is to logically organize your findings

Figure 1

Figure 2

Table 1

Figure 3

Logical presentation

Is anything missing? ? Additional analyses?


structure

Where to start?

Your findings are why you want to publish your work

Form the basis of your manuscript

First step is to logically organize your findings

Figure 1

Figure 2

Table 1

Figure 3

Figure 4


New data

Use your figures to structure your manuscript


structure Outlines

Logically organizing your ideas

Communicating in English

2 factors to consider when writing a manuscript

STRESS!


structure


Communicating in English

Two factors to consider when writing a manuscript

Write outline Write manuscript

Outlines


structure Prepare an outline

I. Introduction A. General background B. Related studies C. Problems in the field D. Aims

II. Methods A. Subjects/Samples/Materials B. General methods C. Specific methods D. Statistical analyses

III. Results A. Key points about Figure 1 B. Key points about Table 1 C. Key points about Figure 2 D. Key points about Figure 3 E. Key points about Figure 4

IV. Discussion A. Major conclusion B. Key findings that support conclusion C. Relevance to published studies D. Limitations E. Unexpected results F. Implications G. Future directions

Knowing what you need to discuss, write down the key ideas

Use short bullet points to list ideas

Don’t let “writing correct English sentences” get in the way of outlining your ideas

List important information from your reading in the appropriate section with citations


structure The ‘write’ order

Manuscript sections

• Title • Abstract • Introduction • Methods • Results • Discussion

Writing order

• Methods • Results • Discussion • Introduction • Abstract • Title


structure Today’s seminar

Introduction Methods Results Discussion Title Abstract


Why your study needs to be done

What you did

What you found

How contributes to the field


structure Introduction

Background information

Specific aims Aims

What is currently known

Problem in the field

Why does your study need to be done？

Worldwide relevance? Broad/specialized?

Up-to-date International


structure Writing the Introduction

The main objective of this research is to develop a general model for estimating the stresses, strain, and ground movement, which can then be used to describe the worse case conditions that may occur near the wellbore in longwall mining areas.

Factors that need to be studied are those that are applied to the casing and the resulting stress and strains or displacements which could lead to an unstable wellbore.

Problem in the field

Wang et al. J Petrol Explor Prod Technol. 2014; 4: 59–71.

Study aims

Your aims should directly address the problem


structure

Common mistakes in the Introduction

Ideas are not logically organized

Introduce topics that are not discussed later (Results/Discussion)

Not introduce important topics that are discussed later (topics introduced in the Discussion)

Cited studies are not up-to-date

Cited studies are geographically biased

Why study needs to be done?

Keep focused

Write last

<5 years

International


structure

Study design

Methods

“In February, we will also move to publishing the methods section for Articles and Letters online only and there will be no length restrictions for this section. We would like to encourage authors to include, in the methods, all the relevant details that would be necessary for other researchers to repeat the experiments or simulations.” (p. 133)


structure Methods/Experimental

How it was done

• General methods • Specific techniques – (discuss controls)

• Quantification methods • Models/equations • Statistical tests

What/who was used

• Samples or participants • Materials

How it was analyzed

Consult a statistician

What did you do？

Support services

Established techniques

• Cite previously published studies • Briefly state modifications

• Enough detail for reproducibility • Use Supplementary Information

Organization • Arrange in subsections • In parallel to the figures

New techniques

Methods


structure Results

1. Initial observation 2. Characterization 3. Application


What did you find？

Example:

1. Fabricate new membrane for water treatment

2. Evaluate physical and chemical properties (e.g., under different temperatures/pressures)

3. Efficacy in removing particulate contamination


structure Results

1. Initial observation 2. Characterization 3. Application

Each subsection corresponds to

one figure

What you found, not what it means


Subsections

Factual description

What did you find？


structure Combined

Results–Discussion

Results Interpretation

Figure 1


Figure 2


Figure 3


Figure 4

Initial observation


Characterization

Application


structure

The 250–1000 nm optical absorbance spectra of 45-nm thick PEDOT:PSS (blue line) and CuSCN (red line) films deposited on quartz substrates are shown in Figure 4. CuSCN films absorb strongly below ≈325 nm with an exciton peak at ≈300 nm. Advantageously, however, they are weakly absorbing across the whole of the visible spectrum and into the near infrared (NIR). Conversely, PEDOT:PSS films absorb less strongly in the UV but have increasing absorption beyond ≈500 nm through the red and into the NIR. This arises from optical transitions among the intragap polaron levels that result from the oxidative doping that gives PEDOT:PSS its conductivity. For the (PPy)2Ir(acac) emitter used here (with emission peaked in green), such absorption differences are largely immaterial. For organic solar cells, however, they can have a significant effect on short-circuit current density.15 Diffuse reflectance measurements (Figure S3, Supporting Information) show that spin-coated CuSCN films are significantly scattering and that the scattering amplitude increases as the granularity grows (in thicker films). Scattering is of significant interest for device structures and can be advantageous to OLED light extraction24 and organic photovoltaic (OPV) light trapping,25 resulting in higher efficiencies; it also supports stimulated emission.26 Again, it will be of interest to systematically adjust deposition conditions to control this effect.

Introduce figure

Interpretation

Future directions

Modified from: Perumal et al. Adv Mater. 2015; 27: 93–100.

Factual description

Factually describe and interpret your findings

Combined Results–Discussion


structure Discussion

Summary of findings

Relevance

Conclusion

Similarities/differences Unexpected/negative results Limitations

Implications

How contributes to the field？


structure

Nitrogen pollution in household wastewater tends to lead to eutrophication in natural waters, which can diminish water quality and ecosystem services. However, the comparative cost and effectiveness of conventional and alternative wastewater treatment strategies to reduce nitrogen have not been clearly evaluated. In this study, we found that the most cost-effective alternatives for mitigating nitrogen are decentralized systems, paired with conventional septic systems as necessary. Sensitivity analysis shows that...

Re-introduction

Conclusion

Modified from: Wood et al. J Environ Manage. 2015; 150: 344–354.

Writing the beginning of your Discussion

State the major conclusion of the study

Problem


structure

In this paper, we successfully prepared PThTA nanoparticles with Fe3+-catalyzed oxidative polymerization and surfactant-free oxidative polymerization in an aqueous medium. The quantum efficiency increased with polymerization time from 1.43 to 3.22. Moreover, the maximum emission wavelength significantly shifted from 450 nm to 520 nm as the chain length increased as a function of monomer conversion. Our results provide new insights on surfactant-free oxidative polymerization and may serve as guidelines for the preparation of new conjugated polymer emulsion systems for potential optoelectronic devices. Future studies should extend our surfactant-free oxidative polymerization to substituted polythiophene nanoparticles.

Conclusions

Conclusion

Implications

Future directions

Modified from: Ryu et al. Polymer. 2014; 55: 806–812.

What do you want people to remember?

Key findings


structure

Common mistakes in the Discussion

Do not restate your results

After policy implementation, cadmium levels at sites adjacent to the factory significantly decreased from 113.9±12.6 g m–2 to 53.4±6.3 g m–2 (p=0.034). This demonstrates that this policy is effective in reducing cadmium contamination and should be considered in other similar regions as well.

Our results demonstrate that the implementation of the new policy was effective in reducing cadmium contamination at factory-adjacent sites by 53.1%. This suggests that this policy may also be effective in reducing cadmium levels in other similar regions as well.


structure

Do not overgeneralize your findings

Our results demonstrate that the implementation of the new policy was effective in reducing cadmium contamination at factory-adjacent sites by 53.1%. This proves that this policy will be effective in reducing industrial contamination worldwide.

Policy implementation in Japan reduces cadmium contamination

Our results demonstrate that the implementation of the new policy was effective in reducing cadmium contamination at factory-adjacent sites by 53.1%. This suggests that this policy may also be effective in reducing cadmium levels in other similar regions as well.

Common mistakes in the Discussion


structure Linking your ideas

Background information

Objectives

Methodology

Results and figures

Summary of findings

Implications for the field

Relevance of findings

Problems in the field

Current state of the field Introduction

Methods

Results

Discussion

Logically link your ideas together


structure Linking your ideas

However, surfactants used in the preparation of polythiophene (PTh) nanoparticles can deteriorate their film properties…

In this paper, we successfully prepared PThTA nanoparticles with Fe3+-catalyzed oxidative polymerization and surfactant-free oxidative polymerization in an aqueous medium.

Problem

Conclusion

Discussion

Introduction

Our aim was to copolymerize unsubstituted thiophene and 3-thiophenacetic acid (TA) to prepare water-dispersible PThTA nanoparticles in an aqueous medium by Fe3+-catalyzed oxidative polymerization without any surfactants.

Objective

Modified from: Ryu et al. Polymer. 2014; 55: 806–812.


structure

Writing effective conclusions

Your conclusion is a summary of your findings

Your conclusion should be the answer to your research problem that is supported by your findings

Emphasizes how your study will help advance the field

Manuscript structure activity

Please see Activity 2 in your Workbook

S

1. Based on the following problem identified in the field, chose which aims are most appropriate.

Problem: However, it is not clear how to improve available membranes to enhance their efficacy in reducing microbial and particulate contamination in freshwater reservoirs.

A. In this study, we compared the efficacy of three currently available membranes in reducing the levels of microbes and particulates in freshwater reservoirs.

B. In this study, we evaluated if nanoporous sponges were more effective than membranes in reducing microbial and particulate contamination in freshwater reservoirs.

C. In this study, we investigated if surface modifications of currently available membranes can improve their efficacy in reducing particulate contamination and the levels of microbes in freshwater reservoirs.


S







Not addressing improvement

S







Addressing alternative approaches

S







Still not entirely accurate, why?

Needs to address both microbes and particulates!

2. Match the aims from an Introduction with the most appropriate major conclusion (to be used in a Discussion).

Aims: In this study, we investigated how surface modifications of currently available membranes can improve their efficacy in reducing microbial and particulate contamination in freshwater reservoirs.

A. Our study suggests that surface modifications, such as TiO2 and graphene oxide, may be a cost-efficient way to improve the efficacy of existing membranes.

B. In this study, we demonstrated that a combinatorial modification of TiO2 and graphene oxide significantly improved the efficacy of membranes in reducing microbial and particulate contamination.

C. In this study, we found that a combinatorial modification of TiO2 and graphene oxide reduced microbial and particulate contamination by enhancing the photocatalytic activities of membranes under UV and sunlight irradiation.








Implications







Directly related to the aims and answers the problem

However, it is not clear how to improve available membranes to enhance their efficacy in reducing microbial and particulate contamination in freshwater reservoirs.







Key finding that supports conclusion

S

Be an effective communicator

Your goal is not only to be published, but also to be widely read/cited

Importance of publishing

Effectively communicate your ideas in English

Logically present your research in your manuscript

Thank you!

Any questions?

Follow us on Twitter

@EdanzEditing, @JeffreyRobens

Like us on Facebook

facebook.com/EdanzEditing

Download and further reading edanzediting.co.jp/shinshu150618

Jeffrey Robens: [email protected] Trevor Lane: [email protected]

20150618 edanz shinshu

Education

writing manuscript structure

academic publishing

phd effective writing

effective writing section

effective presentations

sentence use active

effective communicator

strong verbs cake