20-23 Word Choice: Redundancy, Tone, and

Style

Delete synonymous and wordy material in a sentence

Incorrect: The firefighter put out the hot fire.

Correct: The firefighter put out the fire. (Fire is hot.)

Avoid wordiness!

Write as simply and clearly as possible.

Incorrect: School starts at 8 a.m. in the morning.

Correct: School starts at 8 a.m. (a.m. means morning)

Practice Eliminating Redundancies

• How many redundancies can you find in the following commercial?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsbOuaFh0Rk

Synonymous Pairs in WritingPast memories Various differences Each individual Basic fundamentals

True facts Future plans Terrible tragedy End result

Free gift Past history Unexpected surprise

Completely finish

Large/small in size Round/square in shape

Heavy/light in weight

Period in time

Choose one set of synonymous pairs and explain WHY these are wordy/unnecessary.

Incorrect Example: You will receive a free gift if you spend $20 at our store. (All gifts are free.)Correct: You will receive a gift if you spend $20 at our store.

Choose one set of redundant categories and one set of redundant abbreviations and explain WHY these are wordy/unnecessary.

Incorrect Example: GRE exam (Graduate Record Exam)Correct: GRE

Tutorial #2: Writing Style

• A writer should always keep the same style throughout a piece of writing.

Formal vs Informal• Formal: Use proper, standard grammar if writing to an

unknown audience or for the purpose of something important like a job application.

Example: I am applying for the receptionist position advertised in the local paper. I am an excellent candidate for the job because of my significant experience

• Informal: A writer can choose to use slang or idioms if they are writing to a familiar audience, like friends or for the purpose of something like a journal.

Example: I want to talk about the job ad you put in the paper. I’m a great person to work there because I am da bomb!

Word Choice/Diction

• Many words have similar meanings but different feelings attached to them. A writer chooses specific words to convey his exact meaning.

Example: I dumped my books on the desk. I placed my books on the desk.

Tone

• Tone = the author’s feelings toward his or her subject

• Style and word choice reflect the author’s tone

• Style and tone need to remain consistent within a piece of writing

Tutorial #3: Using Conjunctions to Link Clauses

**Choose the conjunction that best expresses the meaning between the words you are joining**

Illogical: The coach kicked Michael off the team if he skipped practice.

Logical: The coach kicked Michael off the team because he skipped practice.

PracticeReplace the conjunction in each sentence with one that is more logical.

1. Kate wanted an A on the exam, so she didn’t study.

2. If she is asked to prom, and she will buy a dress.3. Krista stayed up late to finish her homework if

she was tired.4. Natalie had the hiccups, yet she left class to get a

drink.