Something pishing you off? Be out guest Ranter gyro@opsa.org.nz

Dear John Key,What do you call it when a political party’s spokesman says to voters before an election there’s no way that party will vote for a specific change. But after being elected that party does the exact opposite and votes for that specific change?

I’m no expert, but I’d call it a lie. Politicians lying is nothing new of course. However, when they make

specific promises during an election campaign, they make an agreement with voters – who vote for them based on what they’ve said will or won’t do.

You can’t just conveniently change your mind after the election and say “Oh well despite being elected for saying one thing, sorry we’ve actually changed our minds and we’re going to do the opposite”.

That’s just not honest. And I imagine not remotely democratic. Yet that’s exactly what National has done over ACT’s anti-student VSM legislation.

This is not just a lie where National mislead people with weasel words — like where they appeared to say they wouldn’t raise GST, but said it cleverly enough to leave them room to do so. No, this was a blatant and outright lie. A big stinking lie.

Before the last election National’s official tertiary education spokesman stated emphatically that a National government would not vote for a change to the current students’ association membership legislation.

John Key, if you vote for the final reading of ACT’s VSM bill your pants are so on fire.

Possible Side Effects of IntercourseBouncing - 7 caloriesWhiplash – 27 caloriesKnee burn – 6 caloriesChafed elbows – 5 calories

Approaching OrgasmDigging your nails into your partner’s back – 11 caloriesTrembling – 15 caloriesShaking – 20 caloriesShuddering – 25 caloriesTrying to keep your eyes open – 132 calories

Pulling OutAfter orgasm – 0.25 caloriesA few moments before orgasm – 500 calories

Orgasm Real – 27 caloriesFaked – 160 calories

Orgasmic Intensity ScaleExpression didn’t change – 0.5 caloriesFace turned purple – 15 caloriesOrchestra swelled – 6 caloriesEarth moved – 30 caloriesYou began moaning in Latin – 60 calories

Everyone these days seems to be watching their weight, going to the gym and being uber-conscious of what’s going in and out of their bodies. Use our handy point system to find out how much energy you’re using during rumpy pumpy. *

How many Calories are you Burning during Sex?

* Warning, might be utter bullshit.

Game Duke Nukem – ForeverPlatform PS3/360Rating 4 out of 5

Fourteen years in the making, the gaming industry’s biggest ego junky returns from retirement - but was the lifetime of waiting worth it?

First up is a large boss in a low key battle (before you can get used to the gameplay) then the intro, where with tongue in cheek humour, Duke reflects back on his recent retirement. About to appear on a talk show called ‘Damn its Late!’ to do a tell-all interview about why he is so incredibly awesome, the aliens from previous battles that we all remember shut the studio down and begin to wreak havoc.

Where to from here? Well the Duke Cave of course, accessible via Duke’s Throne. DNF is visually stunning (is it coincidence that that the short form of Duke Nukem – Forever can also be translated as Did Not Finish?) and fluid first person action explodes before your eyes.

Initially the aliens appear to be peaceful, unlike past events from over a decade ago, however, Duke’s instincts tell him otherwise and it is not long before you are working your way around the glitzy and glamorous gambling city taking out alien scum, who are stealing all of the women and impregnating them with alien spawns.

Duke has two live-in girlfriends; bubble headed twin pop stars. They too get snatched and become impregnated. ‘Now I’m really pissed!’

Duke can only carry two weapons at a time and smaller weaponry, such as Laser Trip Wires or Pipe Bombs are kept within your Inventory.

However, fear not, the guns are bigger than big and a mix of reminiscent to futuristic. Asides from some semi-epic boss encounters, mostly, your foes are generically the same, but playability is diverse at game specific intervals. And finally, it would not be a Nukem if there wasn’t a cliff-hanger ending. I will say no more.

Duke Nukem – Forever has spent the longest time in ‘Development’ ever. First announced in 1997 for the, then, PS2, original Developers; 3D Realms offered a couple of screen teasers and got hopes up by pencilling in a 1998 release. ’98 came and went until in 2001 3D Realms stated that it would be released ‘when it’s ready’.

After lawsuits, financial crisies and more drama, Gearbox, who took over development also had release date issues, whereby we all had to wait just over a month from their original release date.

Duke never arrives on time, but you definitely know when he has.Overall – not as good as I had hoped, not as lengthy (in gameplay) as

I had expected, but I think we all had our expectations way too high after such a mammoth wait. I do recommend to all, I mean, hey – it’s Duke!

But remember to wash your hands thoroughly after playing.

Shane Coleman’s Go Go Gadget Review

Where ya from? England, Sommerset in the southwest.Why are you wearing shorts and a t-shirt? Come on! This is gorgeous weather. It’s boiling. You couldn’t really call this winter, compared to England.Favourite sports? Well I grew up a bit of a sport-Billy, so I love them all but especially basketball, surf-kayaking and rock climbing. We do a lot of white water kayaking on this course. I love it. This is a great course in general, practical the entire time – it’s more like a two-year holiday instead of an actual course.Isn’t it dangerous? It’s fine as long as you know how to roll back up.As a leader, how would you encourage the reluctant or scared? Just a gentle nudge.Biggest challenge? 8 o’clock starts on Wednesdays. Humans shouldn’t be up when it’s dark.What do you plan to do when you’re finished? Travel around, snowboarding and skiing, picking up work as an instructor before I settle down somewhere.RWC? Its about time NZ won, although if it comes down to England vs. NZ, I’ll have to back England.

Money Changes EverythingMinistry of Education statistics show the average surplus as a percentage of revenue at public tertiary education providers climbing dramatically from 1.9 percent in 2006 ($66 million) to 5.2 percent last year ($280 million). So?

Pay attention. While jobs and services have been cut and numbers capped, public institutions such as Te Wananga o Awanuiarangi, SIT and the Open Polytechnic are fair stashing it away. The Tertiary Education Union National secretary Sharn Riggs said, in response to the latest MoE figures, “We need to remember that money could have been spent saving jobs, teaching students and protecting quality education. Too many good people have lost their jobs, gone without pay rises or been told to turn away students because of ‘tight fiscal circumstances’ that were not so tight after all.”

After 20 redundancies in 2008 and another 23 in 2010, Otago Polytechnic recorded a $2.26 million surplus last year. That’s a lot of two minute noodles.

“While these institutions do have a mandate from the government to make a surplus of 3%, when its nearly twice that and people are losing their jobs, it’s a false economy,” says TEU communications officer Stephen Day, speaking to Gyro. But what is the money doing sitting around in their bank accounts? “I guess they’re saving it for a rainy day,” says Stephen. Well, guess what? It’s raining.

David Moseley

Dip. Outdoor Leadership

& Management

Something pishing you off? Be out guest Ranter gyro@opsa.org.nz

“that money could have been spent saving jobs, teaching students and protecting quality education.

Win free stuff by — become our friend on Facebook. Please.Facebook “Gyro-Magazine”f

The Prez Sez

Hey all,Hope you enjoyed your day off last Monday, and had a lot of fun in the snow.

As some of you know ACT MP Heather Roy is hoping to pass the Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Bill (also called VSM), which will make students’ association membership optional.

Currently, you pay a compulsory fee to your students’ association - that’s how OPSA can offer so many wicked servcies and benefits to OP students for free or next to nothing. But if the bill is passed the association would have to find new sources of income or cut services, as we would find it hard to ask you to pay the membership fee of $40 at the beginning of the year, when we know you all have text books, bond, rent etc. to pay.

Besides, many of the benefits you get from a students’ association are used by all students and can’t be directly charged for; eg exam-free days, arguing for cheaper fees, etc. One of the most important services OPSA offers is an independent advocacy service for students who have problems with the Polytechic; although an individual student may never need the advocacy service, all students benefit from its existence.

The ACT Party Bill to bring an end to automatic students’ association membership is still in Parliament and had the support from National. If passed, this Bill will bring an end to your student voice, and your student services. This Bill will undermine the voice of students as a group in society and threatens the positive work made by thousands of volunteer hours around the country.

At the moment the Bill continues to be stalled in its Committee stages (which is a stage before its final stage in Parliament — the third reading). Opposition MPs have done a good job of putting up all the arguments for why it should not be passed. Now we need the students’ to band together and try to stop this Bill. Please join the Facebook group Save our Services: Say No to VSM

Any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me president@opsa.org.nz

beyond the rainbow

OPSA Queer Support Go ConferencingWe recently had the pleasure of attending Kazam! Youth Hui, thanks to awesome financial support from OPSA.

It was the first national hui we’ve been to and the feeling of family and community was indescribable. Nowhere has either of us ever felt freer to be whoever we want, knowing that this freedom spreads to everyone around us. We’ve never seen more love, care and support, not just for the rainbow communities, but people in general.

Among the numerous exciting things to happen that weekend was a surprise visit from Breakfast’s Tamati Coffey, New Zealand’s Next Top Model’s Colin Mathura-Jeffree, and the Labour MP Louisa Wall – 3 lovely down-to-earth people who were more than happy to have a chat with us, share experiences and even stay for dinner. Tamati and Colin must have posed for a million photographs and signed twice as many items of clothing after the formal Q&A session, but more importantly than that, they really listened to everyone who had something to say and supported us as best they could. It was genuinely moving to see that we have amazing people like that to look up to and consider role models.

We also got to go to Family, which was our first gay bar experience (and a fantastic one at that). So much to be said for this bit of our journey, but we’re going to leave it at this – if you’re queer, questioning, queer-friendly, or just plain awesome, next time you’re in Auckland you should check this place out. You will meet lots of fabulous people, discover, learn, experience… it has the potential to change your life. It sure changed ours.

Lena and Sarah Jane

Call for Nominations - OPSA Executive Committee 2011 From Semester 2 enrolled students who may wish to be co-opted on to the OPSA Executive Committee for remainder of 2011. Meetings are held fortnightly over the lunch hour (usually a Tuesday)Due to some executive finishing at the end of semester 1 – there are now up to 4 places available. If you are interested, please email Michelle at opsa.presidents@op.ac.nz for more info.

Nominations open - 2012 OPSA President & Vice President. Job descriptions and nomination forms are available from the OPSA office or by request by return email, closes Friday 26th August.

Class Rep Special Meeting Thursday 11th August at 12 noon upstairs in the Ozone Lounge (Maanaki/Student Centre) Light refreshments will be provided.

2011

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Winter. It’s Cold.Yes kids winter has closed its icy fingers around us all for yet another year ... and it’s freakin’ freezing.

We can of course do the usual things to keep warm this season by making our Mum’s proud and wearing our gloves, hats and various other assortments of winter – woolies. However, if conventional ways of keeping warm aren’t working for you and your flat’s power usage could run a small country for a period of time, then I have compiled a list of alternative options:

• Don’twax,shave, get a haircut or partake in any kind of hair removal rituals whatsoever. Extra body hair keeps us warm, and you’ll save loads of moolah

• Adopt lots of cats from the SPCA and cover yourself withjelly-meat. Everyone knows cats are nature’s hot water bottle (and if your flatmates look at you in a covertly weird way — remember they are only jealous because they are cold)

• TurnthecarheateronfullandmoveinuntilSpring.• Putonthekettle,tapedowntheautomaticswitch-offbutton,

and stand over it until Spring• Eatridiculouslyhot/spicyfoodcontinuouslyuntilSpring• StaydrunkuntilSpring• KY SensualWarming Liquid. Free hugs. Chasing

attractive members of the opposite sex. All these options may be used separately or in conjunction with the others. If any of these options happens to get you into trouble with the boys in blue, then remember that a worst case scenario may still be a win for you, as each cell at the ‘Milton Hilton’ comes with underfloor heating.

• Catchareallymeanflu.Thatwayatleastyouwillgethot and cold sweats as opposed to just being cold all the time

• Burn down the flat. This will ensure instant heatgratification as well as toastie warm winters for a few years to come — bonfires emit a great deal of heat energy and next winter they will still provide underfloor heating at Milton Prison.

Mwah! Betty

CreditsMichelle Fidow, Mark Baxter, Sam Sharpe (cover art, thank you - check out “Sam Sharpe” on Facebook), Pepa Belton, Mischief Champion, Lena & Sarah Jane, Frosty the Snowman, & The Folding Crew.

EditorLisa Scott(03) 477-6974gyro@opsa.org.nz

Technical EditorMark Baxter021-114-6753(03) 477-6974Mark.Baxter@op.ac.nz

AdvertisingNathan Millar021-181-3151(03) 477-6974advertise@opsa.org.nz

www.gyro.org.nz

Published by

www.opsa.org.nzAll material © OPSA 2011 unless otherwise stated. Views expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of OPSA, the editor, or staff.

A proud member of

2011

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2011 pepa belton

Insight Betty Goop

Pikagijinka

For more information call 477 4000or visit our website

Only cardboard needs fl attening

– just wash and tossPlastics and Cans

Yellow WeekWhen it’s your

Next mixed recycling collection in campus

area on 15 August

Out by 7am – in by 7pm