EXT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - DAY

Cartman is standing outside by his mother with a bag ofcamping gear at his side.

CARTMAN'S MOMNow you be careful, Eric. The woods canbe very dangerous.

CARTMANOkay, mom.

A large truck pulls up, driven by Uncle Jimbo in huntingclothes. Ned is in the passenger seat, and Stan, Kyle andKenny are in the back seat.

KYLEReady to go hunting, Cartman?

STANYeah, my uncle Jimbo says we got to getup there early! Right, Uncle Jimbo?

JIMBOThat's right, Stanley, animals are mucheasier to shoot in the morning!

CARTMAN'S MOMHere, hon, I packed you some cheesy poofsand Happy Tarts.

She hands him a brown bag. Cartman gets in the back seat withthe other boys.

JIMBODon't worry, Ms. Cartman, we'll take goodcare of him. I brought my old war buddyNed to keep things safe.

NEDHello Mrs. Cartman, how are you today?

Ned waves from the passenger seat. He only has one arm.Jimboand Ned exchange knowing glances. Cartman gets in the backseat with the other boys.

CARTMAN'S MOMBe sure to use lots of bug spray. And ifyou have to poo-poo, don't wipe withpoison ivy.

The boys all laugh at Cartman.

CARTMANDude, that's SICK, mom!

CARTMAN'S MOMAnd I know it can get scary up in thosewoods... But just remember mommy's notfar away.

The boys all laugh again.

CARTMAN(To Uncle Jimbo)

Drive! Drive!

CARTMAN'S MOMYou give your mommy a kissy.

CARTMANDrive the car damnit drive.

Jimbo drives away.

INT. CAR - DAY

Cartman looks back to watch his mom waving goodbye.

KYLE(Ms. Cartman's voice)

Don't get scared up in the mountains,Cartman.

CARTMANShut up! I'm not scared of nothing!

STANMaybe your mom can give me a kiss tooCartman.

KENNYMph rmph rm rmph mphr!

Jimbo Laughs.

JIMBOHo Ho, that's discusting!

CARTMANYou piece of crap! I'll kill you!

Cartman slugs Kenny. The two boys fight in the back seat.

JIMBOThat's the spirit, boys! Let's get thattestosterone flowing!!

Cartman and Kenny pound the shit out of each other.

JIMBO (CONT'D)Now boys, boys, I need to get serious fora minute. I want you to understand a few

basic rules of hunting since this is yourfirst time.

The boys listen attentively.

JIMBOFirst of all, don't ever walk with yourgun unless the safety's on. Second, don'tshoot anything that looks human, andthird never spill your beer in the bulletchamber.

STANUh, Uncle Jimbo, we don't drink beer.

JIMBOYou what?

NEDOh yeah, that's right, I don't think 8year old kids drink beer.

KYLEI like chocolate milk!

JIMBOWell, we'll be doing plenty of drinkingon this trip. After all, hunting sober islike fishing sober.It sure will be nice to get out of thecity for a while. Away from civilization

EXT. SOUTH PARK - TOWN - DAY

The car drives out of the town, and up a little road thatgoes up a mountain. The trip is ridiculously short.

EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS, JUST OUTSIDE OF SOUTH PARK - DAY

JIMBOWell, here we are!

Ned's truck comes to a stop in a large clearing amidst a bigforest of pine trees.

Ned and Jimbo and the four kids pile out of the car.

JIMBOOkay, each of you young'ins take a gun, abeer and some smokes.

The kids divide up the supplies.

CARTMANHey, I didn't get a gun!

Jimbo hands Cartman an Ak-47

CARTMANSweet. This is like the gun I used inNam.

STANYou weren't in Vietnam, Cartman!

NEDWere you stationed in DaNang?

STANCartman always makes stuff up, Ned. Youcan't believe anything he says.

CARTMANHey! I'll blow your friggin' head off!

Cartman points his gun at Stan.

JIMBOHey, look out son, that's dangerous!You're gonna spill your beer!

EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS, JUST OUTSIDE OF SOUTH PARK - DAY

The boys follow Jimbo and Ned, each holding rifles that areWAY to big for them, a can of beer and a cigarette.

STANMy Uncle Jimbo says that after this, he'sgonna take me hunting in Africa!

KYLEWow, that'd be cool!

CARTMANMy mom says there's a lot of black peoplein Africa.

JIMBOBoys! Lookie there!

A cute, fuzzy little black bear sits in a nearby clearing,licking its paws.

JIMBOThat there's a Rocky Mountain Black Bear.One of the few remaining of its kind.Isn't it beautiful?

The bear just sits there and blinks.

JIMBOMy God it's coming right for us!!!

Jimbo whips out his huge rifle and shoots the bear dead.

Stan can't believe his eyes.

STANHey! It wasn't coming right for us! Itwas just sitting there!

JIMBOSHHH! Not so loud!! Now that there's justa technicality.

KYLEWhat d'ya mean?

JIMBOYou see boys, the Democrats have passed alot of laws trying to stop us fromhunting.

CARTMANDemocrats piss me off!

JIMBOThey say we can't shoot certain animalsanymore unless they're posing animmediate threat. Therefore, before weshoot something, we have to say; "It'scoming right for us!"

STANWow, you're smart, Uncle Jimbo!

NED(pointing)

Jimbo LOOK!

A beautiful little doe comes over the hill.

JIMBOOh, it's a deer. Looks like about a 46gauge, Ned.

Ned pulls out a HUGE bazooka and hands it to Jimbo like agolf caddy. Jimbo props the bazooka on his shoulder. Theboys and Ned jump on the ground commando style.

JIMBOIT'S COMIN' RIGHT FOR US!!!

The beautiful little doe looks on peacefully right where sheis.

BOOM!!! Jimbo fires the bazooka at the doe and totallyobliterates it into a million bloody little pieces.

CARTMANKick ass!

But Stan looks sad.

JIMBODid ya see that? I was imperiled by thatferocious charging buck!

NEDRabbit, rabbit five o'clock!!!

Over the ridge is a little bunny rabbit.

JIMBOLet's move! MOVE!!!

Jimbo hits the ground and starts crawling on his belly. Allthe boys follow suit.

STANIs this hunting?

KYLEI guess so.

The group crawls onward, holding their guns out in front ofthem.

CARTMANOh, dude... I'm starting to haveflashbacks!

KYLEWhat?

CARTMANDanforth! Pull up flank, look out forCharlies up in the trees!

The group scampers up to the top of ridge. Ned hands Stan abig-ass double-barrel shotgun.

JIMBOThis one's yours, Stan!

Stan uncomfortably takes the gun, hitches it up on hisshoulders and looks over the barrel. The little cute bunnylooks up, sees Stan and smiles. Stan gulps.

JIMBO'It's comin' right for us'!

NED"It's coming right for us"!

Stan takes a deep breath and is about to pull the triggerwhen the bunny gives him just the cutest little twitch of hiscute little nose.

KYLEShoot it, Stan!

CARTMANI got your back, soldier!

Stan looks over the barrel again, takes another deepbreath...

STANI can't...

Stan lowers the gun. The little rabbit dashes off into thewoods.

JIMBOWhat the-- What's wrong with you?!

STANI don't wanna shoot the bunny.

JIMBO(shocked)

What the hell are you talking about, youdon't want to shoot the bunny?You're babbling, you're not making anysense! You're hysterical!

STANI'm not hysterical. I just don't want toshoot the bunny.

JIMBONo nephew of mine is gonna be a treehugger!

CARTMANYeah, hippie! Go back to Woodstock if youcan't shoot anything!

STANI can shoot you fat ass!

CARTMANI can shoot you too.

STANI'll kill you!

CARTMANI'll fill you full of lead.

Establish shot of volcano rumbling.

KYLEHey, what's that????

EXT. SOUTH PARK - TOWN - DAY

Establishing shot of the town. Right next to Tom'sRhinoplasty is a small brick building with antenna on itsroof and a sign the reads "South Park Center for SeismicActivity."

INT. GEOLOGIST'S OFFICE

A very average looking GEOLOGIST is sitting at theseismograph and just staring at it.

For a long time he just sits there and stares at the littleneedle drawing a straight line.

Suddenly, the needle starts to move! The Geologist perks upand moves in closer.

GEOLOGISTWhat the heck is this?

The needle moves frantically. The Geologist grabs thetelephone and dials a number.

GEOLOGISTYeah, Frank? It's uh, Randy. Uh-huh...Good. Yeah, listen, the, uh, the littleneedle's moving.

Pause.

GEOLOGIST (cont'd)Yeah, it's going back and forth reallyfast. What does that mean?

Pause.

GEOLOGIST (cont'd)Uh-huh... Uh-huh... , let me check...

The Geologist wheels back in his chair and looks at the peakof Mt. Evanston which is smoking.

GEOLOGIST (cont'd)Yeah, it's smoking... Uh-huh... Ohreally? Really?

ZOOM IN on the Geologist.

GEOLOGIST (cont'd)Oh my God...... A volcano!

He drinks some coffee and sighs.

COMMERCIAL BREAK I

ACT II

EXT. CAMPFIRE - NIGHT

The boys and Jimbo and Ned sit around a sputtering littlefire trying to cook wienies.

CARTMANMy wienies won't cook!

NEDThis wood won't burn.

Jimbo takes a huge swig of Gin.

JIMBOWell Ned, looks like we'll have to usethe ol' Indian fire trick.

NEDYepper!

Ned jumps up and grabs a huge can of gasoline.

Ned douses the fire with gas. The flames explode about 50feet high! The fire travels into the can of gas and Nedsuddenly catches on fire.

NEDAAAGGGHHH!!!

JIMBO(Laughing)

HA, HA! HEY, STOP, DROP AND ROLL, NED!!HA, HA!!

Ned drops the gas can as he drops to the ground. Both thegas and fire flow underneath Jimbo's van, igniting it into ablazing inferno.

KABLAM! Jimbo's van explodes in a huge fireball.

STAN & KYLEWoa!

JIMBOGodammit Ned, I just got that van! Howthe hell are we supposed to get home?

But Ned is busy rolling around on the ground, trying to stophimself from burning.

NEDOh it hurts! It hurts!

Cartman puts his wienie on a stick over Ned's burning body.

CARTMANHey you guys! This works pretty goodright now!

EXT. SOUTH PARK - MORNING

The sun rises in South Park. Another day has begun.

INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Chef is sitting in the Mayor's office having a meeting.

CHEFBut you see, Mr. Mayor, you can't stopserving Salisbury Steak in our publicschools... What's next? Meat Loaf?

MAYORWe are quite aware of your concerns,Chef, but-

A buzzer on the Mayor's desk sounds.

VOICEMayor, the Geologist is here to see you.

MAYORMy Geologist? Now? Tell him the infectionis fine and I don't need another checkup.

VOICENo, Mayor, that's a GYNECOLOGIST. AGEOLOGIST studies the Earth.

The Mayor thinks long and hard.

MAYORDon't you think I know that?! How dareyou insult my intellect! I went toPrinceton for God's sake! You get out ofmy office!!

VOICEI'm not in your office Mayor, I'm talkingto you through a speaker.

MAYORJust send in the Geomotrist!

VOICEGeologist.

MAYORYOU ARE FIRED BUDDY!

VOICE

Thank you, Mayor. It's been great workingfor you.

Suddenly, the Geologist bursts into the room.

GEOLOGISTMayor! We have got A VERY BIG PROBLEM!Mount Evanston is about to erupt!

MAYORWhat does this mean to the town?

The Geologist takes out another chart. It is very simple.

GEOLOGISTWell this graph shows everything fromnormal to bad. Right now, South Park ishere:

He points with the pointer to 'Totally Screwed'. The Mayorstands up.

MAYORMy God...

CHEFMayor! Some of the school children are upcamping on that mountain RIGHT NOW!

MAYOROh, oh, this IS Big!

(Through intercom)Johnson! Johnson are you there?!

VOICEUh, you just fired Johnson, Mayor. I'mhis replacement, Ted.

MAYORTed, we have got a MAJOR crisis here! Iwant you to get on the phone, and callInside Edition, Rescue 911, oh andEntertainment tonight. and you better getmy stylist on the phone, too.Don't worry, things are under control.

Chef and the Geologist blink at each other.

EXT. SOUTH PARK - NIGHT

Establishing shot of the moon over the starry, South Parksky.

EXT. CAMPFIRE - NIGHT

The boys listen intently to Jimbo as he finishes his ghoststory.

JIMBOAnd then Ned picked up the grenade andBLOOM!! Blasted his arm clear off!

The boys all shudder with fear. Ned smiles.

JIMBOWe spent three hours looking for thatdamn arm. But it was never to be found!Some say it's still crawling around tothis day!

Suddenly, Ned grabs Cartman with his prostetic arm. Cartmanscreams in horror.

NEDRAAAAAR!!!

Jimbo, Ned and the boys all laugh.

JIMBOHa, ha! Got'chya!

CARTMAN(Obviously scared)

Huh-huh... That's not scary...

KYLEYou were scared, Cartman! You almost peedyour pants!

CARTMANSHUT UP! I DIDN'T PEE MY PANTS!!!!

JIMBOHey Ned, hand me that gin.

Ned gladly hands it over.

JIMBOYou boys want to tie one on?

STANNo, no thanks, that stuff tastes likepee.

KYLEYeah, Cartman's pee.

CARTMANOh, you would taste my pee.

The boys all shake their heads.

JIMBOWhat the hell's wrong with you? Can't you

handle a little alcohol?

Kenny grabs another can of gas and starts chugging it.

JIMBOChrist! Look at the little bastard go!

Kenny finishes the can.

JIMBONow you see that Stan? Now now That is adirty little bastard.

STANHey, I'm a dirty little bastard too.

Stan slouches his shoulders and sulks.

CARTMANHey you guys... I know a scary story.

KYLEShut up, Cartman, you can't scareanybody.

Cartman takes the flashlight and shines it under his face.

CARTMANOh yeah? Have you guys ever heard of...Scuzzlebutt?

STANWhattlebutt?

CARTMANScuzzlebutt is a creature that lives upon this very mountain and kills anybodywho dares climb to the top.

STANWhy?

CARTMANBecause it loves the taste of blood! Andlikes to add pieces to its deformed body!

The boys gather in around Cartman, entranced.

KYLEDeformed how?

CARTMANWell, on his left arm, instead of a handhe has...

STANA hook!

KYLEA knife!

CARTMANNo!

(Pause)...A piece of celery.

STANCelery?!

CARTMANYes, and he walks with a limp, becauseone of his legs is missing... And wherehis leg should be, there's nothing but...PATRICK DUFFY!

The boys look utterly confused.

KYLEPatrick Duffy?! Dammit, Cartman, that'snot scary!

CARTMANWhat do you mean? Have you ever seen'Step by Step'?!

The boys all think.

CARTMANSo he lives alone on this mountain, andweaves baskets and other assorted crafts.They say that on quiet nights, you canhear him weaving his baskets... Kashink... Ka-shink... Ka-shink.

STANCartman, you suck at telling scarystories!

STANYeah, gimme that flashlight!

KENNYMph rmph rmm rmph!

Suddenly, the ground starts to rumble again. The boys alllook around, scared.

KYLEWhat is that?

STAN(Laughing)

Maybe it's Scuzzlebutt coming to weave usinto wicker baskets!

CARTMAN(Suddenly scared)

HEY! It might be!!

KYLEGosh, I hope he doesn't cut me with hiscelery hand.

Stan and Kyle laugh.

CARTMANScrew you guys!

JIMBOHey Ned, Why don't you whip out the oldcancer Kazoo, let's do a little song.

NEDKoom by ya my Lord, Koom by ya. Koom byya my Lord, Koom by ya. Koom by ya myLord, Koom by ya. Oh Lord Koom by ya.Someone's crying my Lord Koom by ya.

CARTMANThey don't think Scuzzlebutt is scarryhuh, Let's see how they like it when theyactually see Scuzzlebutt. I'll scare thehell out of 'em tormorrow.

NEDOh Lord Koom by ya. Someone's crying myLord Koom by ya......

EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY

Stan is snoozing away in his sleeping bag.

KYLEStan! Stan wake up!

STAN(Groggily)

What, dude?

KYLEI don't know where Cartman is. I thinksomething took him away!

STANWell, where's my Uncle Jimbo and Ned?

KYLEThey're out fishing with Kenny.

STAN(Hurt)

With Kenny? But, but this was supposed toMY camping trip... Why do they like Kennyso much? Doesn't he like me anymore?

KYLEWell Stan, you want to know what I think?

STANWhat?

Kyle rips a fart.

EXT. LAKE - DAY

Jimbo, Ned and Kenny are on a little canoe on the lake.Oddly, they have no fishing poles.

JIMBOWhat a beautiful morning for fishing.There's one!! There's a fish rightthere!!

Jimbo pulls the pin out of a grenade and throws it in thewater. BLOOOOMM!!!!! Water explodes, and the dead fish goesflying into the air.

NEDGot it!!

Kenny grabs a grenade and tosses it toward the shore.BOOOM!!! A few fish go flying.

JIMBOGreat instincts, boy!

Stan runs up to the shore and calls out to the canoe.

STANUncle Jimbo! Cartman's missing!

JIMBOWho, the fat kid?

STANYeah.

JIMBOOh hell, I guess we better go look forhim. Ned, we gotta cut it short. Fire upthe 12-20.

Ned presses a button on the huge rocket mounted on the sideof the boat.

FWOOM!!

The rocket fires deep into the water, a large surge follows,

and then hundreds of dead fish float to the surface.

JIMBOWell, I think that's about the limit forour fishing permit.

Jimbo starts to row ashore.

NEDMan, it smells like dead fish here.

KENNYMph rmph rm rmph!

Jimbo and Ned laugh hysterically.

NEDOh, man! That is NASTY!!

JIMBOYeah! I don't think I've ever seen a kidas cool as you, Kenny. I'm making you myhonorary Nephew!

KENNYMrph.

Stan frowns.

COMMERCIAL BREAK II

EXT. SOUTH PARK - TOWN - DAY

The whole city has turned out to see the spectacle of newscrews that has overtaken South Park.

NEWS ANCHORThe people of South Park are humble andfriendly. But now, a ticking time bomb ofhot lava waits to engulf these people andend their miserable lives with one lastfleeting moment of excruciatinglypainful, burning agony.

The camera pans onto the townspeople who all cheer and waveat the camera happily. All trying to be seen on television.

TOWNSPERSONHey, I'm on TV, I'm on TV!!!

NEWS ANCHOR (cont'd)Mayor, what are you doing to prepare forthis inevitable catastrophe?

MAYORAll we know right now is that some of ourchildren are camping on that mountain,

and. I'm sorry can I start over?

NEWS ANCHORHuh?

MAYORWell you can edit this, right? Ready?3,2,1 - "All we know right now is thatsome of our children are up camping onthat mountain. We can't do anything untilwe get them."

The Mayor stands proudly in front of the townspeople.

MAYOROkay people! Let's go get those kids!

The rescue crew, compiled of Chef, Barbrady, Garrison andseveral other townspeople, look extremely concerned for theirlives.

CHEFC'mon everyboy, You got to help thechildren!

EXT. MOUNTAIN - DAY

Ned, Jimbo, Stan, Kyle and Kenny traipsing through themountains.

JIMBOWell, he couldn't have gone far... Unlesssomething drug him off..

Stan and Kyle look at each other.

NEDThere's not many animals out today Jimbo.

JIMBOYeah, it's almost like something funny'sgoing on...

The ground rumbles a little bit.

JIMBO (cont'd)Christ Ned, what'd you have forbreakfast?

NEDI don't know man, I've got some bad gas.

JIMBOWait, There's a ram! It's coming rightfor us!

Jimbo uses an M-16 automatic and blows holes through the ram

like swiss cheese. Kenny stands next to Jimbo and fires somelast remaining shots.

JIMBONice shooting, Kenny! Here, you need abigger gun!

Jimbo grabs the large rifle out of Stan's hands, then grabsthe smaller rifle out of Kenny's hands and then switchesthem. Stan fumes.

KYLELook!

On top of the ridge, they see a strange creature moving. Ithas a pot for a head and two huge branches for arms.

CARTMANI am Scuzzlebutt! Lord of the Mountains!Behold my Patrick Duffy leg.

NEDWhat is it?

KYLEDude, it's Scuzzlebutt! Cartman wasn'tlying!

JIMBOHoly crow! We could make a MINT killingthis thing!!

NEDWe'll be on the cover of Guns and Ammo!

JIMBOThis calls for some HJ-14!

Jimbo reaches into his backpack.

EXT. RIDGE - DAY

Cartman jumps up and down and makes wild noises.

CARTMANHuh-huh... Those guys are totally scared.

EXT. FOREST - DAY

Jimbo has two huge rockets strapped onto his shoulders. Hegrabs hold of a chord--

JIMBOFire in the hole!

ZBAM!! Jimbo pulls the chord and the rockets fire towardsCartman.

Cartman quickly stops laughing and drops his smile.

CARTMANHoly crap!!!

Cartman jumps to the side. The rockets just miss him andexplode into the rocks with an enormous boom.

JIMBODammit, I think I missed!

CARTMANWhat the hell is wrong with you people?!

JIMBOCome on, let's move! MOVE!!

Cartman tries to pull his costume off, but it's stuck.

CARTMANHey wait. Arhhhhhhh!!!

The group dashes up the ridge. Cartman yelps and runs away.

EXT. BASE CAMP - DAY

The townspeople have set up a large camp at the base of Mt.Evanston. Everyone is gathered around the Mayor, ad libbingshouts and concerns.

MAYOR(Seeing she's on camera)

Is it on? OK, Okay, people! Form groupsand search the mountain! Report back hereevery hour! You got that?

GEOLOGISTMayor! I might have an idea!

MAYOROh, what?

The geologist takes out a huge map.

GEOLOGISTIf we can dig a very large trench, we candivert the lava into a Canyon! And thenit would bypass South Park pretty muchcompletely!

MAYORAnd... that would be good, right?

GEOLOGISTI'm pretty sure!

MAYORWell what are we waiting for! Okay,people, change of plans! Half of you grabshovels!

EXT. FOREST - DAY

Jimbo and the kids traipse through the woods.

JIMBOThese look like his tracks! He must havegone this way! Ned!

Ned joins Jimbo's side.

JIMBOPrepare some HK-12 and some plasticine.

Ned salutes.

JIMBOI'll bet that sucker's headed for ahigher elevation. The higher up it-BIRD!!

Jimbo shoots a bird out of the sky.

JIMBOThe higher up it goes, the better it canbreathe.

KYLELook up there!

Everybody looks up to where a little figure is standing neara cave. In the EXTREMELY FAR DISTANCE we can hear a voice.

CARTMAN(Very faint)

You guys, it's just me.

JIMBOAre we sure it's Scuzzlebutt?

STANDoes it have Patrick Duffy for a leg?

JIMBOWell I can't tell. Let's kill it.

CARTMANI've got to get out of this stupidcostume.

JIMBOKenny, you take the front.

Stan comes to the front with a huge shotgun.

STANNo, I can do it, Uncle Jimbo. I wanna bagthat animal!

JIMBOThat's the spirit, kiddo! Let's hunt!

Everybody rushes towards Cartman.

CARTMANYou guys, you guys I was just kidding.

EXT. RESCUE BASE CAMP - DAY

The trench is already huge and deep. Everyone works on itfeverishly when suddenly Officer Barbrady calls everybodytogether.

T.V. ANCHORAs some people of South Park trydesperately to save their mountain town,others look for the missing townspeople,but all must take every precautionnecessary.

OFFICER BARBRADYOkay people, listen up!

Barbrady opens a large white projection screen.

OFFICER BARBRADY (cont'd)As we near the top of the mountain, thechances of our encountering some lavabecomes great. Therefore, I have specialordered this training film to assist usin volcano safety. Mr. Garrison, if youwould please.

Garrison turns on a rickety old projector. A black and white,scratched up 50's style film begins.

FILM

INT. OFFICE - DAY

Our 50's style narrator sits at an old oak desk with hishands folded.

NARRATORHarbingers of sorrow, natural disasterscan be the cause of troubling andundesirable stress;And a volcano is no exception. But whatshould you do if a volcano erupts nearyou or your family?

EXT. MEADOW - DAY

A pleasant 50's style family is gathered on a blanket, havinga picnic.

NARRATORHere we see the Stevens family enjoyingSunday picnic. But suddenly, Daughterhears a noise.

The family all looks around.

NARRATORIt's a volcano. Junior seems worried. Buthave no fear, junior, Jane learned inschool what to do when you hear a volcanoerupt.

Jane takes the picnic blanket and covers the family with it.

NARRATORThat's right, Jane. Duck and cover.

Lava flows over the family. But as soon as the lava is gone,the family emerges from underneath the blanket safe andsound.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - DAY

Two young boys ride bicycles down the road.

NARRATORSo what will you do when you hear avolcano erupting?

The ground shakes, the boys look around, then quickly jumpoff their bikes and crouch next to a nearby tree.

NARRATORThat's right. Duck and cover. Looks likeyou got the idea.

More people ducking and covering as lava passes harmlesslyover them.

NARRATORDuck and cover. Thank you and goodbye.

The filmstrip ends.

EXT. RESCUE BASE CAMP - DAY

OFFICER BARBRADYOkay, any questions?

CHEF

That has got to be the most ridiculousload of pigcrap I have ever seen.

OFFICER BARBRADYThat's enough out of you!

EXT. MOUNTAIN - FOREST - DAY

The group continues their hot pursuit.

STANI'm gonna bag Scuzzlebutt, then we'll seewho's a little bastard!

Stan takes aim at Cartman through the gunsites

CARTMANHey!! Seriously you guys...

But the group can't hear him. Stan levels the gun.

KYLEKill it Stan. Kill it!

As hard as he tries, Stan can't shoot. He still can't kill.He takes a deep breath and tries again. But he just can't.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

ACT III

KYLEC'mon Stan kill it!

STANAW, DAMMIT! I CAN'T DO IT!

JIMBOYou pansy! Give me that gun!

Jimbo rips the gun out of Stan's hands. Just then, Cartmanmanages to get off his disguise.

CARTMANHEY!!!!

STANCartman?

CARTMANGod Dammit, don't shoot me!

JIMBOWhat the Sam Hell?

CARTMANI was just trying to scare you guys. You

can put that gun down now.

Jimbo and Ned sighs with disappointment.

NEDSo much for the cover of Guns & Ammo.

JIMBOYepper. But I think we've learned someimportant lessons Ned- I think that -

KA-BAM!!!! The top of the mountain blows its top and lavafires up into the air.

STANWOA!!

NEDHoly crap!

JIMBOThe Mountain, it's BLOWN IT'S TOP!!!

Suddenly, a huge lava bomb shoots up into the air from thevolcano.

The lava bomb drops from the sky. SCRUNCH!! It lands directlyon top of Kenny.

KYLEOh my God! they killed Kenny!

Just then, Kenny appears from behind the lava bomb,apparently, it landed in front of him.

KENNYMph rmph rm!

Kenny waves happily. But just then, the large, round lavabomb rolls over on top of Kenny, smothering and burning himinstantly.

EXT. BASE CAMP

The hot molten rock rushes down the mountain. A large groupof rescue workers spot the flow.

RESCUE WORKER #1Look!! The volcano!!!

RESCUE WORKER 2Quick! Duck and Cover!!!

The group ducks down and huddles on the ground.

WHOOOSH! The hot lava covers them, burning them instantly todeath.

EXT. FOREST - DAY

The lava continues to flow down the mountain.

EXT. RIDGE - DAY

JIMBOThat lava's coming right for us!

EXT. FOREST - DAY

CHEFOh, no! LOOK!

Everybody turns to see Jimbo, Ned and the boys all runningfor their lives down the mountain. But they are on the otherside of the large trench.

JIMBOWhat the hell is this trench doing here?We can't get across!

EXT. BASE CAMP

The T.V. Anchor is reporting the scene to the camera.

T.V. ANCHORIt now looks as if the missing childrenare trapped in the path of hot, nastylava!

The camera turns to the Mayor.

MAYORGod, please deliver those darling kidsfrom... Wait, wait wait wait. 3,2,and 1:God, please deliver...

The townspeople can't do anything but watch in horror.

EXT. RIDGE - DAY

The lava rushes towards the group.

CARTMANHELP!!!!

Just then, the group hears a strange noise.

NOISEGrrrrrr.

All of a sudden, a large bipedal creature appears! Coveredin purple fur, the creature is HUGE and hideous.

JIMBO

Jiminy Poke! It's the REAL Scuzzlebutt!

CARTMANWhat?! Scuzzlebutt's real?!

KYLEOh my God!! Look at his leg!

The boys look down to see that the creature, sure enough, hasPatrick Duffy instead of a leg.

PATRICK DUFFYHi, kids. I'm T.V.'s Patrick Duffy.

Everybody screams with horror.

JIMBOQuick Ned! Shoot it!!!

Ned fires his rifle. CLICK! It's empty.

NEDOh no! out of ammo!

Scuzzlebutt approaches menacingly, making strange Scuzzlebuttsounds.

SCUZZLEBUTTGrrrrrr.

The group turns to run, but the wall of lava is but fiftyfeet away and there is no way to go. They turn back around,but there is the looming Scuzzlebutt.

EXT. BASE CAMP

MAYORWhat is that thing?

CHEFThat's Scuzzlebutt!

MR. GARRISONYeah, he has Patrick Duffy for a leg andweaves baskets.

BARBRADYThis isn't happening. Everyone look away,please. Nothing to see here.

EXT. FOREST - DAY

The lava flows closer.

JIMBOWell, boys... I'm sorry I got you allkilled.

Scuzzlebutt picks up a HUGE tree and starts to shred it withhis claws and teeth.

KYLEAAAAGGHHH!!

With lightning speed, Scuzzlebutt makes the tree into a largewicker basket and gestures for the hunters to step in.

KYLEWhoa, he built a wicker basket.

JIMBOHey! He's saving us!!

SCUZZLEBUTTGrrrrrr.

Using a rope, Scuzzlebutt hoists the basket safely up overthe trench, and then sets it down among the othertownspeople.

MRS. CARTMANScuzzlebutt saved the day!

Everybody cheers.

GEOLOGISTAnd my calculations worked! The lava isfollowing the trench into the Canyon!

Sure enough the lava hits the trench and immediately divertsaway!

MAYORHmnn, Where exactly does the Canyon go?

The Geologist thinks.

GEOLOGISTUh...

EXT. DENVER - DAY

The hot lava travels down the canyon and smothers all ofDenver, destroying the entire city, burning buildings andkilling millions.

EXT. MOUNTAIN - DAY

MR. GARRISONSouth Park is saved!

KYLEHey look, Kenny's OK.

KENNYMafmm Mmmfm Mma

T.V. ANCHORAnd now these humble people can rejoiceand celebrate their jovial victory overnature. I'm getting word that the Chefof the school cafeteria wants to sing asong about this thrilling struggle ofhumanity.

The press people and rest of South Park rejoice with Ned,Jimbo and the boys. The whole town goes crazy with happiness.

Music kicks in, Chef starts to sing.

CHEF(Singing)

Ooh, baby, every time that we kiss HOTLAVA! And every time we make love -That's lava, HOT LAVA!Lava so hot it makes me sweat,Lava so warm and red and wet- Lava !

T.V. ANCHORMayor, what do you have to say about thiswonderful outcome?

MAYORWell, we owe everything to this friendly,yet misunderstood creature. Thank you,Scuzzlebutt.

Scuzzlebutt leans down, plucks a flower and hands it to themayor.

Scuzzlebutt starts to make a noise... A word is audible:

SCUZZLEBUTT...Friend.

MAYOROh, how sweet!

Everybody smiles. The Mayor beams.

Just then, Stan walks up to Scuzzlebutt, points the gun, andblows its head off. His bulky body falls to the ground.Everyone gasps.

STANI did it! I did it! I finally killedsomething!

Jimbo and Ned look on in shock.

T.V. ANCHOR

Oh my God! What has he done?!

MAYORTurn off the cameras.

STANHey! That was EASY!

PATRICK DUFFYNOOOOO... Why God why?

JIMBODamnit Stan, you shouldn't have donethat!

STANWhat? Why?

KYLEYea, make up your mind dude.

JIMBOStan, some things you kill and somethings you don't. See?

STANNo.

NEDOnly now in this late hour do I see thefolly of guns. I'll never use a gunagain.

NEDI'll never use a gun again.

Ned throws down the gun and it misfires killing Kenny.

STANBut I just wanted you to be proud of melike you were with Kenny.

JIMBOBut Kenny's dead now Stan, and you'realways going to be my nephew. And youjust can't kill anything. Youunderstand?

STANDude, I don't understand hunting at all.

KYLEYeah, it's stupid. Let's go watchcartoons.

CARTMANYeah, cartoons kick ass.

The boys walk away.

FIN