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Understanding theFamily Matching Process

Western Tradition: Romantic Love

Traditional Arranged Marriage

• Least successful basis for marriage in history• Separation of sexual love from responsibility and consequences• Free sex selfish love• Many BCs- seduced by their environment

• Motivation: position, status, $, selfish gain, narrow interests• Unhappy marriages, male dominance, abuse, double standards

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Value of Cheon Il Guk Matching• Under True Parents’ Guidance and Authority

• Requires Absolute Faith / Immediate Spiritual Method

• Ownership of Your Faith / Matching Decision

• Purpose of CIG Matching & Blessing- Establish Original Standard: faith/purity

RECOMMENDED REQUIREMENTS:

Family culture of Absolute Faith

(unconditional acceptance, trust & purity)

Inspired to build love on Vertical Foundation

(no romantic illusions)

Not out of parents’ or candidate’s desperation/ lack of confidence

TRUE PARENTS’ MATCHING:Cheon Il Guk Standard

Recreation of Garden of Eden

1. Absolute faith (accept TP’s match w/o question)

2. Absolute purity

3. Beyond nation & race- one family

4. Perfect health

5. Public life, conditions of sincerity

“TEXTBOOK” ofOriginal Standard for Blessed Families

TRUE PARENTS’ GRACE:Embrace Everyone First

Take Responsibility for All Blessed Families

2004: Path for Fallen BCs TP’s Matching

2006-07: Special Amnesty CIG Standard

2009-10: Special Grace “Textbook” Couples

Foundation Day: Grace and Renewal for All

1) True Parents’ Special Grace

2) “Getting Back on Track” Process

“You may be thinking, ‘It is only Father who can do the Matching, not us,’ however that is not so. You are all able to do the Matching, because God, who is supporting me, is also supporting you, just the same.”

Father

PARENTS’ MATCHING:Bequeathing True Parents’ Tradition

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Value of Parents’ Matching• Closer to original Principle (Not by Distant Authority)

• God works as powerfully as with TP’s (but differently)

• My experience: New Dimension of Relationship w/ God

• Despite CIG Matching, TF did not remove Parents’ Authority [Wouldn’t Intervene]

UNIQUE STRENGTHS AND BENEFITS:

Blessed Family’s Standard & Unity [4 GRH]

Husband Wife Relationship

Parents [Family Family] Relationship

Time, relationship, Couple’s ownership of decision

New International Matching Guidelines

Creating a Legacy of Love

New International Matching Guidelines

Overview of Family Matching ProcessAnd Guidelines

Important Policies:1. Parent-centered process

2. Respecting candidate’s input

3. One family at a time

4. Clear, distinct stages

5. Couple’s ownership of their matching decision

6. Full disclosure & family ownership

7. Trained, certified Matching Advisors

Family Matching Handbook

Creating a Legacy of Love

OVERVIEW OF PARENTS’ MATCHING PROCESS AND GUIDELINES

Recommended Stages of Matching Process

I. Preparation

II. The Matching Process

III. Becoming a Couple

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS

I. Preparation Stage

1. Parents’ spiritual & educational preparation

2. Candidate qualification & preparation

How do I know I’m Ready?Subjective Factors• Faith• Motivation• Maturity

• Capacity to Love• Self- Identity and Value

Objective Factors• Age• Healthy spiritual life [serve, tithe, pray, connect…]• Life plan- school, career, goals, $, etc.• Social & relational skills• Application process• Purity Interview

OVERVIEW OF PARENTS’ MATCHING PROCESS AND GUIDELINES

Recommended Qualifications for Candidate

1. Minimum 18 to begin process; 20-21 is better!

2. DP Education to 7-Day level; deeper is better!

3. Completion of application process by candidate

4. Completion of purity interview

5. Complete Blessing Workshop (3 levels)

3 Levels of Blessing Education

I. “Ideal of the Blessing” [Age 16 and Above]

II. “Becoming an Ideal Partner” [Age 18 and Above]

III. “Start Smart” for Couples [For Matched Couples]

Each participatory, interactive program contains:- Meaning of the Blessing [Vertical, religious dimension]

- Individual maturity & preparation [1st Realm of the Heart]

- Healthy relationships [2nd Realm of the Heart]

- Clear next steps and personal plan

Being developed as workshop & small-group study manuals- Online?

Online Application Process forMatching and Blessing

A Clear, Coordinated Application Process

I. Before beginning the matching process [District level]A. Candidate informationB. Family and church information C. History and qualification D. Candidate profileE. Health reportF. Interview and disclosureG. Photos

II. After concluding a match [National BFM]A. Submit matching reportB. Update and submit all documents

III. At the time of the BlessingA. 1-page registration for the Blessing event

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS

I. Preparation Stage

1. Parent’s spiritual & educational preparation

2. Candidate qualification & preparation

3. Developing a Family Matching Plan (w/ child)

4. Practical and financial preparation

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS

II. Matching Stage

1. Finding candidates

TRUE PARENTS’ MATCHING:

2001 TP Bequeathed Authority to BCFs

“The vertical connection is eternal and therefore more important than the horizontal, which is temporal. That is why parents must be a part of the choosing of the mate. This doesn’t mean that parents should arbitrarily choose partners for their children, but rather the parents should intervene, representing heaven, in order to ensure the harmony of the vertical and horizontal relationship. This is the meaning of the Blessing.”

Father

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS

II. Matching Stage

1. Finding candidates

2. Selecting one candidate & family to consider

3. Recommending a candidate to your child

4. Couple’s communication period (freedom)

5. Finalizing a match (or re-start process)

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS

III. Becoming a Couple

1. Plan commitment ceremony

2. Hold commitment ceremony, report match

3. Growing as couple w/ parents’ support (object.)

4. Participate in Blessing Ceremony

www.familyfed.org/bfm

www.blessedfamilies.org

www.bcmatching.org

For 1st Generation:www.cheon-il-guk.org

Family Matching Handbook

Introduction…………………………….. ……. 2

True Parents’ & True Family’s Guidance…. 5

The Significance of the Marriage Blessing.. 8

Overview of the Matching Process & Guidelines 10

Preparing for the Matching Process……….. 12

The Matching Process………………………. 20

International Matching……………………….. 33

Unificationists who Joined as Children…….. 39

Family Matching Handbook

Resources and Reference Materials………. 43

Appendix 1: Matching Plan Worksheet……. 46

Appendix 2: Questions for Parents………… 50

Appendix 3: Questions for Candidates..…… 52

Appendix 4: Role of Matching Advisors…… 54

Appendix 5: Commitment Ceremony Ideas.. 56

Appendix 6: Contact Information…………… 58

Appendix 7: Blessing Fees………………….. 61

Matching Website Tutorials……………..Supplement

Matching Handbook HighlightsP. 13- Unity- the MOST important Sp. Condition

P. 15- How do I know I am ready?

P. 18- Developing a Family Matching Plan

P. 20- Finding potential matching candidates

P. 22- Identifying & recommending a candidate

P. 26- Building a Relationship / Reaching Decision

P. 28- Physical closeness: what is appropriate?

P. 30- Value of a Commitment Ceremony

P. 31- The “I-deal Year”

Matching Handbook Highlights2nd Edition- What’s New!

• Family Matching Plan Worksheet

• New section for candidates who joined when they were young (with their parents)

• Orientation to the matching webtools

• Value of the Matching Advisors

• ALL sections updated, rewritten & improved

THE “I-DEAL” YEAROur Promise to Seek Help with Challenges in Our Blessing

 Blessed Family Ministry, Unification Church- USA

 Any relationship between a man and woman, no matter how loving, committed and deep it may be, will face challenges and difficulties. God designed men and women as complementary opposites; we love differently, and experience love differently. Of course, the best way to maintain a strong marriage is to live a healthy spiritual life as part of a supportive community. But it is normal and natural for any relationship to face times of crisis. Our National President and Senior Pastor, Rev. In Jin Moon, explains that creating an ideal family means I “deal” with the challenges inherent in family relationships.

When such painful times arise, the strength of your eternal commitment is of course important. However when you feel overwhelmed, it is smart and healthy to get help. If you cannot find the way to resolve your struggle, it is not acceptable to simply withdraw and avoid, drift into non-communication, or seek comfort in unhealthy ways. It is important to report your situation honestly, not only to a friend, but also to a trusted mentor, counselor, or Blessed Family Department representative. The BFM is committed to providing a network of support and guidance that can assist you confidentially and professionally.

The “I-deal Year” is a commitment to invest at least one year in a guided and supported process to heal and renew. This is a minimum requirement for any Blessed Couple, before concluding that your marriage has no future.By signing this form, your couple is making the following promises: We promise to maintain an eternal commitment to our BlessingWe promise to report to the BFM if troubles ariseWe promise to invest in our “I-deal Year”   _________________________________ _________________________________Groom’s Name [Print] Groom’s Signature

_________________________________ _________________________________Bride’s Name [Print] Bride’s Signature 

_________________________________ Date

 

Matching Advisors

Family Matching HandbookMarriage and Family Resources

www.familyfed.org/bfm

Thank You!