Scene A street

Characters Two Englishmen: Albert gusset and Harold Rose

The two men pass in the street.

Rose Goodness me!

Gussett Well I never!

Rose Herbert Bishop!

Gussett Arthur Trigwell!

Rose No… Actually my name’s Harold Rose.

Gussett I’m Albert Gussett, as a matter of fact.

Rose Albert Gussett. Of course.

Gussett And you’re Harold Rose. Of course you are.

Rose Well I never!

Gussett Goodness me!

They hesitate for a moment.

Rose Well, how are you, then?

Gussett Fine, fine. How’s Alice?

Rose Alice?

Gussett Yes, Alice. Your wife’s name’s Alice, isn’t it?

Rose No, no… Gloria, actually.

Gussett Oh, yes. Gloria Trigwell.

Rose Er… Rose.

Gussett Rose Trigwell?

Rose No. Gloria Rose.

Gussett Gloria Rose. Of course. How is she?

Rose She’s very well. How’s… er…

Gussett Doris?

Rose Yes, Doris, your wife. How is she?

Gussett Oh, she’s very well -

Rose Good, good.

Gussett - but she isn’t my wife.

Rose No?

Gussett I’m not married.

Rose Oh.

Gussett Doris is my sister.

Rose Oh, yes.

They hesitate again for a moment.

Rose Well, it is a small world, isn’t it, Herbert?

Gussett Albert.

Rose Albert, yes. It seems like yesterday -

Gussett Yes, it certainly does…

Rose - when we were at that awful school together.

Gussett School?

Rose Yes. Doesn’t time fly?

Gussett We weren’t at school together.

Rose Do you remember that awful English teacher with black teeth?

Gussett We weren’t at school together.

Rose Weren’t we?

Gussett No, we were in the Army together.

Rose We weren’t.

Gussett Weren’t we?

Rose I was in the Navy.

Gussett Oh.

They hesitate again for a moment.

Rose Er… Albert, I mean Herbert -

Gussett No, no, Albert’s my name.

Rose Er, yes… Albert, how do we know each other?

Gussett I was just wondering about that myself, er…

Rose Harold.

Gussett Yes, Harold. Er… Are you an architect?

Rose Yes! Are you an architect?

Gussett No. I’m a taxi-driver.

Rose Oh.

They hesistate again.

Gussett Are you interested in boxing?

Rose No, not at all.

Gussett Ah.

Rose Do you go to the theatre?

Gussett I went once – about twenty years ago.

Rose I see.

Gussett Do you take your holidays in Brighton?

Rose No, never.

Gussett Mmm.

Rose Do you play golf?

Gussett No, I don’t.

Rose Well, that’s not it then.

They hesitate again.

Rose Do you know, Albert, I don’t think we’ve met before.

Gussett No, you’re right. We haven’t.

Rose Well, er… I’m Harold Rose.

Gussett And I’m Albert Gussett.

Rose How do you do?

Gussett How do you do?

They shake hands.