Beautiful ceremonies with a sprinkling of humour

Readings

This is not an exhaustive list. There are so many readings, poems, prayers etc. and some may be more appropriate to you as a couple. Also, you don’t have to use them in their entirety just pick the parts that are meaningful to you.

Or maybe you’d consider writing your own poem.

Poetry:

Page 3 - I’ll Be There For You, by Louise CuddonPage 4 - I Love Thee - Thomas Hood

Valentine – Wendy CopePage 5 - The Recipe of Love - Anon Extract from Hamlet - William ShakespearePage 6 - Yes, I'll Marry You - Pam AyresPage 7 - I will be here – Steven Curtis ChapmanPage 8 - Our love - Steven ReiserPage 9 - To my bride – Steven ReiserPage 10 - The key to love - AnonPage 11 - The loving heart – Anon

To the one I love - AnonPage 12 - I wanna be yours by John Cooper-ClarkePage 13 - What is love? – Walter Rinder

That Still and Settled Place - Edward MonktonPage 14 - The art of a good marriage – Wilfred Arlan PetersonPage 15 - Always – Anon

Chapter one of one thousand – OJ PrestonPage 16 - On your wedding day - Anon Page 17-19 - I like you - Sandol Stoddard Page 20 - The life that I have – Leo Marks Once in a lifetime – Anon Page 21 - I carry your heart – EE Cummings Page 22 - Recipe for a happy marriage - Anon

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Prose

Page 22 - A lovely love story –Edward MonktonPage 23-24 - Oh the Places You'll Go – Dr SeussPage 25 - How you interest me - OriahPage 26 - Marriage is

A walled garden - AnonPage 27 - Love is a temporary madness – Louis de Berniéres Sonnet 116 – William ShakespearePage 28 - The more you give - Anon

How do I love thee? – Elizabeth Barret BrowningPage 29 - Marriage is not beautiful - Anon

Frightened by change – EverwoodPage 30 - Boyfriend 5.2 upgradePage 31 - Us two by AA Milne

Sayings and quotes

Page 31 - Gravity – Albert Einstein To keep your marriage brimming – Ogden Nash Page 32 - Marriage is One Long Conversation – Robert Louis Stevenson

A successful marriage requires - Mignon McLaughlinMy most brilliant achievement – Winston Churchill

Blessings

Page 33- Blessing of the ApachePage 34 - Now you feel no rain

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"Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion... That is just being "in love," which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." Louise De Bernieres

I’ll Be There For You, by Louise Cuddon

I’ll be there, my darling, through thick and through thinWhen your mind’s in a mess and your head’s in a spin

When your plane’s been delayed, and you’ve missed the last train.When life is just threatening to drive you insane

When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last pageWhen somebody tells you, you’re looking your age

When your coffee’s too cool, and your wine is too warmWhen the forecast said, “Fine,” but you’re out in a storm

When your quick break hotel, turns into a slumAnd your holiday photos show only your thumb

When you park for five minutes in a resident’s bayAnd return to discover you’ve been towed away

When the jeans that you bought in hope or in hasteJust stick on your hips and don’t reach round your waist

When the food you most like brings you out in red rashesWhen as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes

So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear…When you break a rule, when you act the fool

When you’ve got the flu, when you’re in a stewWhen you’re last in the queue, don’t feel blue

’cause I’m telling you, I’ll be there.

I Love Thee by Thomas Hood

I love thee—I love thee! 'Tis all that I can say? 

It is my vision in the night, 3

My dreaming in the day; The very echo of my heart, The blessing when I pray: I love thee—I love thee! 

Is all that I can say? I love thee—I love thee! Is ever on my tongue; 

In all my proudest poesy That chorus still is sung; 

It is the verdict of my eyes, Amidst the gay and young: 

I love thee—I love thee!

Valentine - Wendy Cope

My heart has made its mind upAnd I’m afraid it’s you

Whatever you’ve got lined upMy heart has made its mind up

And if you can’t be signed upThis year, next year will do.

My heart has made its mind upAnd I’m afraid it’s you.

Recipe for Love ~ Author Unknown

Ingredients

2 Hearts Full of Love2 Heaping Cups of Kindness2 Armfuls of Gentleness2 Cups of Friendship

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2 Cups of Joy2 Big Hearts Full of Forgiveness1 Lifetime of Togetherness2 Minds Full of Tenderness

Method

Stir daily with happiness, humour and patience.Serve with warmth and compassion, respect and loyalty.

Hamlet - William Shakespeare

Doubt thou the stars are fire;Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;But never doubt I love.

"Yes, I'll marry you," by Pam Ayres

Yes, I'll marry you, my dear,And here's the reason why;So I can push you out of bedWhen the baby starts to cry,

And if we hear a knockingAnd it's creepy and it's late,

I hand you the torch you see,And you investigate.

Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,You may not apprehend it,

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But when the tumble-drier goesIt's you that has to mend it,

You have to face the neighbourShould our labrador attack him,

And if a drunkard fondles meIt's you that has to whack him.

Yes, I'll marry you,You're virile and you're lean,

My house is like a pigstyYou can help to keep it clean.

That sexy little dinnerWhich you served by candlelight,

As I do chipolatas,You can cook it every night!

It's you who has to work the drilland put up curtain track,

And when I've got PMT it's you who gets the flak,I do see great advantages,But none of them for you,

And so before you see the light,I do, I do, I do!

‘I will be here’ by Steven Curtis Chapman

If in the morning when you wakeIf the sun does not appear

I will be hereIf in the dark we lose sight of loveHold my hand and have no fear

‘Cause I will be here.

I will be hereWhen you feel like being quiet

When you need to speak your mind I will listen

When the laughter turns to cryingThrough the winning, losing, and trying

We’ll be together6

‘Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake upIf the future is unclear

I will be hereAs sure as seasons were made for change

Our lifetimes were made for yearsI will be here

I will be hereAnd you can cry on my shoulder

When the mirror tells us we're olderI will hold you

And I will be hereTo watch you grow in beauty

And tell you all the things you are to meI will be here

As sure as seasons were made for changeOur lifetimes were made for years

I will be here

Our love -Steven Reiser

Our love is something we have builtFrom passion, hopes and dreamsIt’s safe from any passing moods

Secure from all extremes

It’s something real and specialSomething solid, something pure

Ringing sound and sureIt’s something grounded in the heart

Emitting confidenceIt lives in our emotions

It is something we can senseOur love remains a binding force

Resistant to all strife7

Amidst the outer pressuresIt’s our anchor throughout life.

‘To my bride’ by Steven Reiser

To my bride, I give you my heartSharing love each day, from the very start

To my bride, I give you my kissFilling each day with joy and bliss

To my bride, I give you my beingTo love, to play, to work and to sing

To my bride, I give you my mindLearning each day to be more kind

To my bride, I give you my soulGrowing together to be more whole

To my bride, I give you my life

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Rejoicing each day that you are my wife.

THE KEY TO LOVE - unknown

The key to love is understandingThe ability to comprehend not only the spoken word

But those unspoken gesturesThe little things that say so much by themselves.

The key to love is forgivenessTo accept each other’s faults and pardon mistakes

Without forgetting, but with rememberingWhat you learn from them.

The key to love is sharingFacing your good fortunes as well as the bad, togetherBoth conquering problems, forever searching for ways

To intensify your happiness.

The key to love is givingWithout thought of return

But with the hope of just a simple smileAnd by giving in but never giving up.

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The key to love is respectRealising that you are two separate people, with different ideas

That you don’t belong to each otherThat you belong with each other, and share a mutual bond.

The key to love is inside us allIt takes time and patience to unlock all the ingredients

That will take you to its thresholdIt is the continual learning process that demands a lot of work

But the rewards are more than worth the effortAnd that is the key to love

The loving heart - unknown

Someone may love you because you are cleverSomeone may love you because you are wiseSomeone may love you for beauty or humourThe fun in your heart or the light in your eyes.

But if there is one who discovers your failingsAnd love all the good and bad that is youThis is the love that will last you foreverThis is the love that will always be true.

To the one I love - annon

This message is as specialAs my feelings are for you

For I believe that you were bornTo make my dreams come true.

My hopes, my fears, my aspirations10

You embrace as you do your ownAnd as long as you are in my life

I’ll never feel alone.Without you there is no purpose

No rhyme nor reason whySo I’m sending you my kissesWith love that’ll reach the sky.

I Love You

‘I wanna be yours’ by John Cooper-Clarke

I wanna be your vacuum cleanerbreathing in your dust

I wanna be your Ford CortinaI will never rust

If you like your coffee hotlet me be your coffee pot

You call the shotsI wanna be yours

I wanna be your raincoatfor those frequent rainy daysI wanna be your dreamboatwhen you want to sail awayLet me be your teddy beartake me with you anywhere

I don’t careI wanna be yours

I wanna be your electric meterI will not run out

I wanna be the electric heateryou’ll get cold without

I wanna be your setting lotionhold your hair in deep devotion

Deep as the deep Atlantic oceanthat’s how deep is my devotion.

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What is love? - Walter Rinder

Love is just not looking at each other and saying “You’re wonderful”There are times when we are anything but wonderful.

Love is looking out in the same direction, it is linking our strength to pull a common load,

it is pushing together towards the far horizons, hand in hand.

Love is knowing that when our strength falters, we can borrow the strength of someone who cares.

Love is a strange awareness that our sorrows will be shared and made lighter by sharing;

that joys will be enriched and multiplied by the joy of another.Love is knowing someone else cares that we are not alone in life.

That Still and Settled Place - Edward Monkton

In that still and settled placeThere's nobody but you

You're where I breath my oxygenYou're where I see my view

And when the world feels full of noiseMy heart knows what to do

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It finds that still and settled placeAnd dances there with you

The art of a good marriage by Wilfred Arlan Peterson

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.A good marriage must be created.In marriage the little things are the big things.It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.It is never going to sleep angry.It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.It is standing together facing the world.It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice,but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.It is not looking for perfection in each other.It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humour.It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner

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Always - Anon

This isn’t sometimeThis is always

This isn’t maybeThis is always

The real beginning of foreverThis isn’t just midsummer madness

A passing glow, a moment’s gladnessThis is love

I knew it on the night we metYou tied a string around my heart

So how could I forget you?With every kiss I know that this

Is Always

Chapter One of One Thousand - by O. J. Preston

For two people this dawn brought on a magical dayNow husband and wife they head on their wayAs a boat setting sail may their journey beginWith calmest of waters, most helpful of wind

And if they should stumble upon turbulent seaMay it pass them unharming – leave them be.

For here are two people whom love has well bittenHere opens their book which has yet to be writtenAs the first page unfolds and their life inks its path

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May it write a true story where forever love lastsLet their journey be happy till death do they partOf one thousand chapters may this be the start.

On Your Wedding Day - Anon

Today is a day you will always rememberthe greatest in anyone’s life.

You’ll start off the day just two people in loveand end it as husband and wife.

It’s a brand new beginning, the start of a journey,with moments to cherish and treasure.

And although there’ll be times when you both disagree,these will surely be outweighed by pleasure.

You’ll have heard many words of advice in the past,when the secrets of marriage were spoken,

but now you know that the answers lie hidden inside,where the bond of true love lies unbroken.

So live happy forever as lovers and friends,it’s the dawn of a new life for you,

as you stand there together with love in your eyesfrom the moment you whisper, “I do”.

And with luck, all your hopes, and your dreams can be real,may success find its way to your hearts.

Tomorrow can bring you the greatest of joys,but today is the day it all starts.

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‘I like you’ by Sandol Stoddard

I like you and I know why.I like you because you are a good person to like.

I like you because when I tell you something special, you know it’s specialAnd you remember it a long, long time.

You say, “Remember when you told me something special?”And both of us remember

When I think something is importantyou think it’s important too

We have good ideasWhen I say something funny, you laugh

I think I’m funny and you think I’m funny tooHah-hah!

I like you because you know where I’m ticklishAnd you don’t tickle me there except just a little tiny bit sometimes

But if you do, then I know where to tickle you too

You know how to be sillyThat’s why I like youBoy are you ever silly

I never met anybody sillier than me till I met youI like you because you know when it’s time to stop being silly

Maybe day after tomorrowMaybe never

Too late, it’s a quarter past silly!

Sometimes we don’t say a wordWe snurkle under fences

We spy secret placesIf I am a goofus on the roofus hollering my head off

You are one tooIf I pretend I am drowning, you pretend you are saving me

If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,then you are getting ready to jump

HOORAY!

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That’s because you really like meYou really like me, don’t you?

And I really like you backAnd you like me back and I like you back

And that’s the way we keep on going every day

If you go away, then I go away tooor if I stay home, you send me a postcard

You don’t just say “Well see you around sometime, bye”I like you a lot because of that

If I go away, I send you a postcard tooAnd I like you because if we go away together

And if we are in Grand Central StationAnd if I get lost

Then you are the one that is yelling for me

And I like you because when I am feeling sadYou don’t always cheer me up right away

Sometimes it is better to be sadYou can’t stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute

You want to think about thingsIt takes time

I like you because if I am mad at youThen you are mad at me too

It’s awful when the other person isn’tThey are so nice and hoo-hoo you could just about punch them in the nose

I like you because if I think I am going to throw upthen you are really sorry

You don’t just pretend you are busy looking at the birdies and all thatYou say, maybe it was something you ate

You say, the same thing happened to me one timeAnd the same thing did

If you find two four-leaf clovers, you give me oneIf I find four, I give you two

If we only find three, we keep on lookingSometimes we have good luck, and sometimes we don’t

If I break my arm, and if you break your arm tooThen it’s fun to have a broken arm

I tell you about mine, you tell me about yours17

We are both sorryWe write our names and draw pictures

We show everybody and they wish they had a broken arm too

I like you because I don’t know why butEverything that happens is nicer with youI can’t remember when I didn’t like you

It must have been lonesome thenI like you because because because

I forget why I like you but I do

So many reasonsOn the 4th of July I like you because it’s the 4th of July

On the fifth of July, I like you tooIf you and I had some drums and some horns and some horses

If we had some hats and some flags and some fire enginesWe could be a HOLIDAY

We could be a CELEBRATIONWe could be a WHOLE PARADE

See what I mean?Even if it was the 999th of July

Even if it was AugustEven if it was way down at the bottom of November

Even if it was no place particular in JanuaryI would go on choosing you

And you would go on choosing meOver and over again

That’s how it would happen every timeI don’t know why

I guess I don’t know why I really like youWhy do I like you

I guess I just like youI guess I just like you because I like you.

The life that I have – Leo Marks

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The life that I haveIs all that I have

And the life that I haveIs yours.

The love that I haveOf the life that I have

Is yours and yours and yours.A sleep I shall haveA rest I shall have

Yet death will be but a pause.For the peace of my years

In the long green grassWill be yours and yours and yours.

Once in a lifetime

Once in a lifetime,you find someone who

touches not only your heart,but also your soul.Once in a lifetime

you discover someonewho stands beside you,

not over you.

You find someone who loves you for who your are,

not what you could be.Once in a life time,

if you are lucky, you find someone.....as I found you.

I carry your heart by E.E Cummings

I carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

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i fearno fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)i want 

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant 

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud 

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) 

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Recipe for a happy marriage – Anonymous

Ingredients

1 cup consideration 2 cups praise 1 small pinch of in-laws 1 teaspoon contentment

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1 gallon of patience 2 tablespoons flattery 1 cup encouragement a dash of faith and trust

Blend well. Sweeten with generous portions of love. Keep warm with a steady flame of passion. Serves 2.

A lovely love story - Edward Monkton

The FIERCE DINOSAUR wasTRAPPED inside his cage of ice until 

the LOVELY OTHER DINOSAURcame and melted it with KINDthoughts and LOVING words.

Now they STAND TOGETHERon the hill, telling each other stories

and feeling the WARMTH of theSun on their backs.

"Oh the places you'll go," by Dr Seuss

Today is your day.You’re off to great places!

You’re off and away!You have brains in your head.You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourselfany direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you knowAnd YOU are the couple who’ll decide where to go.

With your heads full of brains and your shoes full of feet.21

You’re too smart to go down, any not-so-good street.And you may not find any you’ll want to go down.

In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town.

It’s opener therein the wide open airOut there things can happen and frequently do

to people as brainyand footsy as you.And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew.

Just go right along.You’ll start happening too.

OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!You’ll be on your way up!

You’ll be seeing great sights! You’ll join the high flierswho soar to great heights!

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have all the speed.You’ll pass the whole gang, and you’ll soon take the lead.

Wherever you fly you’ll be best of the best.Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.Because sometimes, you won’t.You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know.

You’ll get mixed up with so many strange birds as you go

So be sure when you stepStep with great care and great tact

And remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act.Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.

And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed? Yes! You will indeed! (98 and ¾ % guaranteed)

So, be your name Buxbaum or Dowrie or Bassor Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,

You’re off to great places!Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.So … get on your way!

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How you interest me -Oriah, Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a foolfor love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with JOY, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being

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human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon.

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for our children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Marriage is …………

Marriage is a dynamic process of discovery.Marriage is a journey, not an arrival.In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person.Marriage is starting to love, over and over again.Marriage is life’s work. Marriage is an art ….. and like any creative process, it requires active thought and effort. We have to learn how to share on many different levels. We need to practise talking from the heart and understanding attitudes as well as words.Giving generously and receiving graciously are talents that are available to anyone.But all these skills need to be developed if the marriage picture that we paint is to be anything approaching the masterpiece intended.

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A walled garden - Anon

‘Your marriage’ he said, ‘should have within it, a secret and protected place, open to you alone. Imagine it to be a walled garden, entered by a door to which you only hold the key. Within this garden you will cease to be a mother, father, employee, homemaker or any other of the roles which you fulfil in daily life. Here you are yourselves two people who love each other. Here you can concentrate on one another’s needs.’ So take my hand and let us go back to our garden. The time we spend together is not wasted but invested. Invested in our future and the nurture of our love.

Love is temporary madness by Louis de Bernières

Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion... That is just being "in love," which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."

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"Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion... That is just being "in love," which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this

Sonnet 116 - William Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true mindsAdmit impediments. Love is not loveWhich alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:O no! it is an ever-fixed mark 

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks 

Within his bending sickle's compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, 

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.   If this be error and upon me proved,   I never writ, nor no man ever loved. 

The more you give - Anon

The more you give, The more you get

The more you laugh, The less you fret

The more you do unselfishly, The more you live abundantly

The more of everything you share, The more you’ll always have to spare

The more you love, The more you’ll find that life is good and friends are kindFor only what we give away, enriches us from day to day

"How do I love thee? by Elizabeth Barrett Browning26

"Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion... That is just being "in love," which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sightFor the ends of Being and ideal Grace.I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with a passion put to useIn my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to loseWith my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

 

Marriage is not beautiful

Marriage is ugly, you see the absolute worst in someone. You see them when they’re mad, sad, being stubborn, when they’re so unlovable they make you scream. But you also get to see them when they are laughing so hard that tears run down their face, and they can’t help but let out those weird gargling noises. You see them at 3am when the world is asleep except you two, and you’re eating in the middle of the kitchen floor. You get to see the side of them that no one else does, and it’s not always pretty. It’s snorting while laughing, its ‘the tears when it feels like it’s all crashing down, it’s the farting, it’s the bedhead and bad breath, it’s the random dances, it’s the anger and the joy. Marriage isn’t a beautiful thing, but it is amazing. It’s knowing that someone loves you so much, and won't leave you even though you said something nasty. It’s having someone have your back no matter what. Its fights over stupid things, like someone not doing the dishes or’ picking up after themselves. And it’s those nights you fall asleep in each other’s arms, feeling like there will never be enough time with them. It’s cleaning up their throw up, or just rubbing their back when they’re sick. It’s the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding job there is. Because at the end of the day you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, the weirdest, most annoying, loving, goofy, perfect person that you know.

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Marriage is not beautiful, but it’s one hell of a ride.

Frightened by change - Everwood

“If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path toward happiness; don’t waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes, because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart…. Where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again.”

Boyfriend 5.2 upgrade

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.2 to Husband 1.4 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance — particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.2.

In addition, Husband 1.4 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.8 and then installed undesirable programs such as Premier League Football 5.2, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.6 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.7 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? - Signed, Desperate

The poor woman received this advice from the technical support person. Dear Desperate: First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.2 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.4 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: “http:/ I Thought You Loved Me.HTML” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.4 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.9 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.4 to default

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to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly 1.9. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.2 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.2 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.4.

In summary, Husband 1.4 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance; we recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.Good luck – tech support .

Us Two - A.A. Milne

Wherever I am, there's always Pooh,There's always Pooh and Me.Whatever I do, he wants to do,"Where are you going today?" says Pooh:"Well, that's very odd 'cos I was too.Let's go together," says Pooh, says he."Let's go together," says Pooh.

So wherever I am, there's always Pooh,There's always Pooh and Me."What would I do?" I said to Pooh,"If it wasn't for you," and Pooh said: "True,It isn't much fun for One, but Two,Can stick together, says Pooh, says he. "That's how it is," says Pooh.

Gravity - Albert Einstein

Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit

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with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

To keep your marriage brimmingWith love in the loving cup

Whenever you’re wrong, admit itWhenever you’re right, shut up.

Ogden Nash

Marriage is one long conversation, chequered by disputes.Robert Louis Stevenson

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

Mignon McLaughlin

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.

Winston Churchill

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Blessing of the Apache - Oriah, Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder

Now you will feel no rain,For each of you will be shelter to the other.

Now you will feel no cold,For each of you will be warmth to the other.

Now there is no more loneliness for you,For each of you will be companion to the other.

Now you are two bodies,But there is only one life before you.

Go now to your dwelling place,To enter into the days of your togetherness.

And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

May the sun bring you new energy by day,May the moon softly restore you by night,

May the rain wash away your worriesAnd the breeze blow new strength into your being,

And all of the days of your life may you walkGently through the world and know its beauty.

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Now you feel no rain

Now you will feel no rain,For each of you will be shelter to the other.

Now you will feel no cold,For each of you will be warmth to the other.

Now there is no more loneliness for you,For each of you will be companion to the other.

Now you are two bodies,But there is only one life before you.

Go now to your dwelling place,To enter into the days of your togetherness.

And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

May the sun bring you new energy by day,May the moon softly restore you by night,

May the rain wash away your worriesAnd the breeze blow new strength into your being,

And all of the days of your life may you walkGently through the world and know its beauty.

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