در کوچه پس کوچه های غربت - جلد 1 - هما سرشار
DESCRIPTION
در کوچه پس کوچه های غربت جلد 1 - هما سرشارTRANSCRIPT
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......................................................................II
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host country and attacked its leaders whom I held responsible for my own misery and that of other Iranians. I started to search for a new identity, and even began to compose poetry with a boldness which surprises me today -all this in order to temper my heightened feelings. In the stage of bargaining, I started to address my past mistakes. I thought that if I were to read, to learn, to grow and to increase my awareness, I could make the past come alive. I speculated that if I do things this way, I should expect that result. So I made theories and compared them to others. Then I got frustrated with these unfulfilling efforts and fell into a deep depression. In this period, I became convinced of the futility of all things. Exhausted, withdrawn and in despair I chose to keep silent. Finally, having survived this stage, I found an opportunity to come out of my own shell to look at myself, at others, and at the past. In the course of this transformation, I discovered a new image of myself with which I am more at peace today. In this stage of acceptance, I learned to speak about myself openly, to de-scribe my joys, sorrows and anxieties, and to become more intimate with my friends and my audiences. I removed my mask and replaced imagi-nary names with authentic ones.
During these years of unwanted and imposed exile, my experiences are the same as yours. My words are neither scholarly, literary, mystical nor intel-lectual. At times they are not even untold or new. It is a look at myself and at us, a journey which may be worthwhile as are minder and a review for those who have tread its path. But it may also be an occasion for reading and reflection for those who have not experienced this journey. It is the passage from our hearth to an inferno that taught us endurance. We have been fellow travelers on this same road.
My silence has been your silence; my cry has been your cry; my experi-ence your experience; my tears your tears; my smiles your smiles; but I have tried to authenticate and record our impressions.
Homa SarsharLos Angeles, December 1992
Translated by:Golnaz Amin Lajevardi
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I had seen, heard, or read throughout these years was my most important occupation. Unlike poets, we journalists do not have an propensity for poetic license, nor are as creative as novelists, nor as imaginative as art-ists. Thus, we experience the everyday events of life with simplicity and naturalness, and record our sentiments and feelings as such on paper. Like other ordinary human beings, we have an immediate, spontaneous, and mirror-like reaction and our works do not need extensive analysis; they are exactly what they seem.
I am very fond of some of these writings, as they are interwoven with every fiber of my existence. They are the unforgettable memories of my life. Towards some of the others which have been written over the past ten years -in the words of Nima Youshidj, "In this dark guest house..." - I don't feel very close, and perhaps today I would not approve of the perspective expressed in them. But in publishing these notes, I have finally overcome the temptation of selection, and put all my cards before you without any intervention, in order to share with you also, my own doubts and transfor-mations. I have excluded only a few writings because of redundancy. I have also omitted the Sunday memos which consist of readings from great thinkers, mystics, and poets of Iran, as they do not represent my own work.
When I was reviewing the past and editing this book over the last few months, I noticed suddenly a truth and a reality which confronted me in its absolute nakedness. I realized that these writings reveal my natural passage through the five recognized stages associated with loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Psychologists say when people lose a loved one, they must go through these five stages in order to reconcile themselves with life once more. Over one decade, I have passed through these five stages mourning for my homeland, like someone who has lost a loved one, and it seems that in the end, I have accepted that na-ture and destiny are stronger than me and my will.
At that time when I was denying the catastrophe of the revolution, my pen was paralyzed and my tongue silent. During the state of anger, I started to protest with excitement and emotion: I insulted others, and they in turn treated me unkindly. Even though I had chosen to come here I berated my
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PREFACE
"In the Back Alleys of Exile" is the name given to a collection of writings that were first published ten years ago as editorials in SHOFAR monthly magazine, for which I was the first editor. These writings later became part of a radio program broadcast from Radio Omid and were later trans-mitted from Radio Omid-E-Iran.
These writings are daily memos and thoughts in view of all that took place around me, and are the reactions of an unwanted immigrant facing ev-eryday life in a new land called America. As events of necessity happen, and distanced from my motherland, the main body of these notes relate to incidents taking place in America. Nevertheless, this collection represents the perspectives of an Iranian woman, a journalist caught between the two cultures of East and West. Lost and disoriented and caught in the grips of anxiety and nostalgia, she is obliged to rediscover herself through trial and error.
These writings took place in three periods. The first group is comprised of, the editorials for SHOFAR from July 1982 to July1983. In the second period are writings from the program "In the Back Alleys of Exile" that were broadcast from Radio Omid between January 1984 and June 1985. The first two periods make up volume one. The third period, an addition to the program of "In the Back Alleys of Exile" -broadcast from Radio Omid-E-Iran from February1988 to July 1989- includes a few other articles that were written through the end of 1989. This collection constitutes the sec-ond volume and represents the culmination of a decade of living in the city of Angels. It evinces a period of great upheaval in an immigrant's life.As any other professional journalist, honesty in reporting and relaying what
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HOMA SARSHAR is an Iranian Free